Ramblings – Page 7 – The Hermits' Rest

Processing

I couldn’t write much last night, because I’d had some wine and wasn’t able to sort through the events of the day well enough. I’m not sure that I’m finished processing yet, but I’m working on it.

It was extra cold yesterday morning! I finally got to make a temperature blanket square with purple in it (it was 21° F). It did warm up enough to take a nice walk mid-morning, though. bluebirds were everywhere, and I found their gentle song quite comforting.

After watching yet another team I like lose in the American football playoffs (all the ones I liked lost in close games), Lee and I brought more hay out for the horses, and of course they all got out and scattered in search of better grass, of which there wasn’t any. They didn’t know that. At least I got exercise encouraging them to come back in.

It’s a very good thing they can’t see this cover crop across the road. It’s so green (rye grass, I assume).

Where I got all my processing to process was going to a gathering of woman at a friend’s house. It was very heartwarming to see so many like-minded women in one place. Some of the conversation was hard on me. I heard details of activities of people I already disapprove of that made me sick.

It’s really like the mega-wealthy who have the power live in yet a third society where the guidelines for ethical and moral behavior do not apply. I guess I knew this. You can pretty much do anything if you’re a white man in that society. It makes their hard-core MAGA followers seem tame. I guess I could have lived without so many details, though it’s good to know. (I do not have citations for you, but I heard them).

Yuck. How I wish we’d been able to keep on the path toward making Martin Luther King’s dream come true. I’d sure sleep better at night.

But, human nature doesn’t fundamentally change, does it? We have more machines, infrastructure, and stuff, but there are still elites and powerless people, wars started just because someone is power hungry, and people living in fear. It was this way a thousand years again, two thousand years ago, and no doubt long before that.

Fighting human nature is frustrating and will fail more often than it succeeds. I will still keep trying.

Happy Turkey, Grateful Human

Darryl Jr and Connie Gobbler are going to be happier this chilly weekend, because they are getting their very own Turkey Hut! It’s a custom-crafted abode made of the finest leftovers from construction projects.

The space is designed to be big enough for the turkeys to enter and exit but small enough to keep them warm. It will be placed against the henhouse wall once completed. The opening faces south, away from the cold north winds.

Lee wants it to look good, so it will have siding, a metal roof (it slants to the rear so rain will drain, and spiffy paint matching the barns here. I enjoyed hanging out with my son on my lunch break, getting supplies and treats from the bakery. Having some family fun helps remind me of the good in the world.

And this rock symbolizes how today felt to me. I’m deeply grateful to friends who have been incredibly supportive and kind for the past few days. I’m much more emotionally stable just knowing that I have real friends, including those from all over the political and spiritual spectrum, and from both inside and outside the US. And heck, my family have also been so good to me today—I feel a little more inclined to look forward to fun someday. I even had a great talk with a coworker about potential future plans after we finished writing some complex stuff.

Rainbow from earlier in the week, compliments of neighbor Vicki.

So yeah, it’s not the most peaceful time to be alive, but I’ve not been abandoned by all my communities, and I know I’ve led as good a life as I could. No one can take that away!

And tomorrow the turkeys will have a hut.

What’s the Use?

Dammit. When I read 1984 I never thought it would be coming true in 40 years. I give up. The truth, kindness, laws, and peace no longer are important to so many that I just need to give up for a while. I’ve been trying to see all the beauty and good around me. But I’m very sad. People are living up to their awful reputations. I must take a break and regroup.

It would help if I kept my own beliefs in mind. It might work for you, too.

Good news: I did see the Black Phoebe today and 60 other species. That gave me some positive moments!

I paid attention and also saw a female Pyrrhuloxia

Anyway. My Reminder Rocks have a message for everyone.

I’m not giving up, though. This is a BIG rock. it bears repeating.

I’ll be back in a while.

Obstacles

One of the rocks I painted paraphrases Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher. It’s an idea that I lean on when challenges arise: the obstacle is the way.

My spouse bases much of his ethical foundation on Stoicism, and I also find that way of thinking helpful. Life is a series of challenges that you face as best as you can, while acknowledging that you can’t solve every problem. That works.

But I also stop to relish the beauty on that path.

I got a little solar lamp as my white elephant gift at the Master Naturalist holiday event. I hung it up near the birding station. It’s a dim beacon, but it will show me the way when I want to sit outside at night (but it won’t confuse birds). It reiterates in my mind what I keep hearing from many sources, which is not to give up when there’s still a dim ray of hope, even if in the end, you fail. Now that made me think of Anne Frank and get all weepy.

Keep being the light of hope, kindness, and caring for those around you.

Scum, Reporting for Duty

I’ve recently learned that the current US President believes I am scum. And since he’s not a fan of lying (i.e. he seems to believe everything he says at least when it’s logorrhea-ing out of his mouth), it must be true. I think I’ll just own it.

There, I’m very blue and appear manic, though I don’t look like me.

I’m just gonna embrace my woke-i-tude even more than my usual hippie horse mom vibe. I bought shirts that shove my attitude right in people’s faces, both coming and going. I’m just gonna wear stuff like this every day. I do have sweatshirts, too.

The two-sided shirts are from dear person.co and took a long time to get here. The bottom one is from the Bitter Southerner. My other shirt from there says “radicalized by common decency.” Yeah. I’m that scary woke scum person who cares about everyone.

I’m glad I have attire to remind me to not forget my beliefs and morals. Just search for those companies or find your own radically caring slogan.

In less scummy news, I went back to work today and I was genuinely glad to see how my coworkers were doing and relieved at some good news from my perspective.

I had a late meeting so I did animal chores mid afternoon. That made the fowl happy. Darryl eats a lot, so I’ve increased their food quantity.

Apache made me laugh today. He rarely expresses strong opinions, but today he informed me in no uncertain terms that he would NOT go over our little hill on the right track. You see, Lee had started to add some dirt to it just before the front-end loader died, so there was fresh dirt on one end that hadn’t been smoothed down.

Apache was fine on left track, but when I changed directions, he pawed his feet. I asked him to keep going, so he walked to the top, turned to face me, then executed a perfect backup down the hill, stopping in the correct position to stretch his legs. It’s like he was saying he didn’t want to make a circle going down the new dirt side, but he’d happily skip to the backing up we usually do afterwards.

Here he’s demonstrating the stretch (okay, actually acting like he has to pee).

I said okay, we can do other stuff, so we trotted and cantered over poles and the cavaletti jump. Then some perfectly executed side passes on the ground were executed. I mean, I just asked once and he did it!

I went back to the hill with Apache and he enthusiastically trotted going left. But nope, not to the right. I convinced him to go once, then he decided he needed to be more firm about his wishes and gave a buck and a snort. I got the message and we finished with a little walk before I went back to work.

I think he may have believed he’d slip on the loose dirt. Or something. He’s a horse, after all.

Down We Go

My new game I play every day is to see how much further the current US President can sink into the pit of disgusting behaviors he’s creating. Honest, I’ve been trying to ignore it, but my body tells me that ain’t working.

I’m not going to list things that make me physically sick. You either have noticed them all or have some excuse that lets you put it aside so you can maintain your beliefs. We all do that.

Flower break! Henbit is up and starting to bloom. Good news for the chickens.

I’m just pissed off that it’s giving me anxiety pain and hurting others in much worse ways. I’m hoping the downward spiral breaks soon and we can live in only a semi-weird country, not a batshit crazy one.

I need to make another of these rocks for me.

At least it was a pleasant enough day and I got all my errands done, including lunch with our accountant. He’s a character, but then, my previous accountant was a Hare Krishna with bells on his office chair to remind him to chant.

Tomorrow will be another sunrise closer to the Winter Solstice. I’m gonna have to burn a big Yule log

Remember I still care for ALL of you. There should be room in our hearts for disagreement.

Cold and Chilled

It was quite cold and very windy today, the opposite of yesterday. My mood matched. News of mass shootings here and in Australia left a chill in my bones. This hateful behavior will never stop affecting me, and it’s baffling how many people act like it’s just a part of everyday life. I just keep thinking of the flickering but persistent light of hope, appropriate on the first night of Hanukkah.

It’s also the anniversary of my mother’s death, so long ago. Still in my darkest moments I want to call out for my mom. I’m certain I’m not alone in that.

In the unpleasant weather, the guys quickly finished the new chicken run, at least enough to use. I’ll see if they dare go out in it tomorrow. It’s supposed to be cold again, but sunny.

It’s just some chicken wire, easily moved.

Not just my fowl like the hen house when it’s cold. They are joined by many annoying house sparrows who like the heat lamp. I sure hope they don’t have any bird diseases. I can’t keep them out.

But there’s a little good news. The Cochins have started laying again. They sure choose strange times to go into production.

My Weird Way to Cut Down on Social Media

It’s only kind of weird, but it works for me the problem is that my phone thinks I look hours and hours at it, when, in fact, I’m not even near the phone. It’s hard to doomscroll if your phone is nowhere nearby and the computer you’re using is only connected to LinkedIn (and honestly, ten minutes is plenty to determine who’s been laid off lately).

I still enjoy social media, but do a quick Facebook check in the morning, play with my Finch self-care app for 20 minutes, see if I got any personal email, then walk away.

Also doing my nails creates at least an hour of phone-free time.

That’s because I leave the phone outside listening to birds once I have to stop birding with my own eyes and ears. The phone may think I’m staring at Merlin Bird ID, but no, I just check in periodically. Any texts or other messages just have to wait.

Today’s bird was this Ruby-crowned Kinglet, as photographed on the phone. blurry.

I can work undisturbed by my online social life except in breaks. That’s helped me from going down rabbit holes and letting myself get upset.

In the evenings, I read other people’s blogs and news sources that don’t try to get me all upset. This all works for me. I can still stay informed and keep up with friends without it consuming my day. This gives me time for horses, birds, domestic fowl, and wildflowers, not to mention friends and family!

She’s talking about us. We are domestic fowl.

So, my social media trick is to get your phone all busy doing something for you and ignore it for a good chunk of your day. It makes checking for messages and updates a fun interlude, not the whole day.

Morning fog on the window screen. It got very foggy this evening, too.

Today I enjoyed many things while the phone was ignored. I took some autumn photos, for one thing.

Pretty day! The yellow is a willow trees.

I watched a new run for the chickens and Connie get worked on. Connie was not impressed and tried to scare away the noisy dudes by gobbling and displaying her magnificent feathers. I didn’t even know hen turkeys could do that!

I also ended up with time to work with horses a bit longer than usual, so I picked out all the burs in Drew’s mane and tail. He was a true gentleman during the process. I think he’s feeling better.

In the evening Lee and I got a new coffeemaker, which is exactly like our previous one, only not worn out. We look forward to coffee tomorrow. I also got a slightly better toaster that should be less likely to burn my thick bread. These are our holiday gifts to each other.

We treated ourselves to dinner in a “real” restaurant and made our server very happy by forgiving him for not realizing we were his table. I had a magnificent beer and some salmon, which means I had a great Saturday with little phone time…until now, when I’m writing this.

Holidays Handled

When I had a nuclear family and when I had my children, I was one of those women who bought into the cultural norm of making my family happy for Christmas, just like my mom had done for me. She worked so hard with little money but much creativity.

Pretend there are cigarette ashes on the floor and this will be mom-like.

I fretted over decorations, presents, food, and such. I spent a lot of money on things I hoped would make people happy. Shoot, the year after my divorce, I gave my ex presents to set up a household (which he never used, but that’s another story). The point is I felt that I was showing my love through material things. And rather too much of it. I think it’s because I felt loved at Christmas as a child when I got my gifts. Not everyone else is me, though.

This aspect of my personality has been hard to mollify. Even when I saw gifts I’d worked hard to select never used, even when my children didn’t give me anything for birthdays, Valentines, or Christmas. But I finally worked through my “love language problem,” and ended the excess. Much backsliding has occurred in recent years, but since my sister and older son cut ties with us, my motivation to create good holidays has plummeted.

Now I can enjoy the parts of midwinter, the solstice, and the dark nights how I want to, with introspection and gratitude for what I do have, which is much.

It’s made this time of year much less stressful to no longer decorate the heck out of the house, spend hours looking for gifts, etc. I now enjoy spending time around the holidays with people who care about me and am fine without a big gathering. I enjoy going camping or staying in a cabin and receiving the gift of time with Lee, my son, and his partner.

For Yule, I’ve made gifts for the family that come from my heart. They can keep them, toss them, or whatever. I got joy from making the gifts and putting good intentions into them. That feels great. I’ve reached a good place of genuine good spirits and caring. No more grumpy Suna in a frenzy of materialistic capitalism.

This is idealized me as a happy angel with a grumpy angel trying to tempt me. I’m not sure how well I like the work of the “image playground.”

My hope is that each of you get the opportunity to do something that pleases YOU during the winter holidays. If you enjoy decorating, decorate! Or make cookies! Or buy great gifts! Or ponder your nativity scene and its meaning in your tradition. Just don’t fall too far into my trap of trying to make others happy.

Handling the holidays works best when everyone has some traditions to enjoy and time to share them with those who love and appreciate them.

A Bit of a Lull

I didn’t blog yesterday because it was just a normal day doing normal things. Today was similar. It’s been cooler, like normal December weather, but I have appropriate clothing.

And the ridiculously early sunsets are pretty.

I did have a brief walk this morning because I wanted to see what was going on next door. Our former ranch property is now unmistakably not ours. That’s a darned nice entry!

So, other than that I’ve worked, painted some rocks, crocheted the rest of November on my temperature blanket, picked up my new glasses that are now the correct prescription, and wow! I shortened my nails!

No rock photos. Some are gifts. All are rather amateurish. Instead, you can have a cute photo of Carlton being a circle dog. Lee’s lap is never empty when it’s chilly and rainy outside!

I’ll try to come up with something philosophical or some deep thoughts tomorrow. Heck, I can’t cut my nails and get new glasses every day to make for fascinating blogging, right? Maybe we should view it as good that I feel well enough and the world hasn’t upset me enough to make for more interesting blogging.

A dull day is like a flower in winter: welcome

Yes, good attitude, Suna! Lulls are just fine.