What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?
Dear younger humans,
You’re fine, even your broken parts. Other people’s negative opinions about you reflect their issues, not yours.
You’re lovable!
Sincerely,
Suna
Long day. Did good work. Someone else didn’t like it. Nonetheless, it was good. Heeded my own advice.
Who are you most inspired by?
Lately I’ve been noticing more and more Texas Christians coming out of hiding and talking openly about how they feel betrayed and bullied by churches that instill fear more than faith, pit people against each other, and conveniently ignore teachings of Jesus.
I’ve known many of these ethical people who lead lives I admire during my life, but they’ve been drowned out by louder voices. That’s why it’s refreshing to see Christians whose moral compasses align more with mine speaking out.
The woman I reviewed the book of last week, Keith Brown, admitted she’d been duped by a cult and emerged ready to live openly as someone who listens to her true spiritual leader.
I’m also impressed with the bravery and commitment of James Talarico, for whom I plan to vote in the Texas senatorial race in November. He’s such a good guy that his corrupt opponent can’t find anything real to pick on him about. I’m sure he is imperfect, since he’s human, but listening to this ministry student speak kindly about all people of Texas, as Jesus would, and speak intelligently about issues we all care about makes me proud to have someone to vote FOR, not against.
And in a surprising twist, I discovered that Clint Harp, a Waco craftsman I used to enjoy when he worked with Chip and Joanna Gaines, was not a secret Homestead Heritage shill, just because those people were featured prominently in his Restoration Road series (which I love anyway). He and Kelly, his wife, have started a podcast called On Couch with Clint and Kelly Harp. The first episode was a candid and open discussion of how important supporting LGBTQIA+ people is to them. They talk about how their Southern Baptist upbringing instilled fear in them of even acknowledging gays. They portray a kind of Christianity where all people deserve a good life and the blessings of their faith. (Also Clint was at a Talarico rally!)
These inspirational folks represent the kind of world I was hoping I’d get to live in, where Christians model love and acceptance, other spiritual paths are celebrated, and those of us who are more on the earth-based path aren’t treated as pariahs. I have a little more hope.
By the way, this is the most positive thing I’ve ever written about Christianity, so I’m grateful to these folks (and of course other dear friends and family whose spiritual practices I admire).
What’s your top tip to be successful in life?
The most important suggestion I have is to define success for yourself. Let others decide for themselves but not for you.
Bonus tip: as life and circumstances change, it is okay to change your definition. You’ve changed, so your aspirations will as well.
My definition of success focuses more on inner peace, love for all life on this planet, and forgiveness (of myself and others). And as long as I’m focused on these goals, I feel successful.
What’s a book, movie, or TV show that you wish you could experience again for the first time?
I have two answers to this question, both of which have to do with my moral compass.
First, I’d love to experience the original Star Trek again, at the same age I was then (around 12) but with the ability to have my elder self able to point out the moments when things happen that went CLICK and turned me into a bleeding heart liberal. As cheesy as TOS (especially Kirk) was it opened my little working-class Southern girl heart to ideas I might not have encountered until much later. I’m afraid I would have been a lot more racist and intolerant without watching Star Trek at a pivotal adolescent moment.
Second, I would like to have not read The Handmaid’s Tale when I was in grad school but instead last year, when it seemed to be coming true. Or maybe not. I’m pretty sure I’d panic and feel sure it would come true next year. No. I actually wish more women in the US would read it now, especially those trad wives who think what they’re doing is so cute. The women in The Handmaid’s Tale lead lives that could happen soon the way women’s rights are deteriorating and could deteriorate more in the Texas Republican Party platform this year gets enacted — they want to outlaw IVF now. Sheesh.
Believe it or not I have another book review for tomorrow. An important book for me. I thought about it all day, which is why I just answered the prompt again today.
The highlight of the day was that I craved peaches and I ate three very ripe ones from Costco. Not worthy of its own blog, but so good. A ripe peach brought me joy!
What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?
I always feel sad when I hear people say their goal is to be happy. Or all they want is for their kids to be happy. All the time? We can’t always be happy.
I’d be exhausted if I was happy for days at a time. Happiness is a fleeting state of mind, for me. I want to have happiness, joy, and contentment in my life. Yet, all those feelings are sweeter and and more to be treasured when life has ups and downs to compare them to.
So I do not wish my children or anyone happiness all the time, just enough to savor and enjoy. My ideal would be to feel vaguely content most of the time, with sadness during appropriate times and happiness sprinkled throughout the day in little bursts.
I make sure to notice when I’m happy, since it comes more often these days. For example, I was happy just now when hugging Carlton.
I do wish that life could have less anxiety and stress. Everyone seems to have an imbalance of that, if they’re paying attention! This became abundantly clear yesterday, as so many friends expressed how good it felt to see the Obama Center opening. Independently, I kept hearing how people had forgotten what it felt like to be proud of a leader, and to hear former political rivals being civil with each other. The constant dread of these times lifted briefly.
If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be and why?
You know what? The blog folks are asking different prompt questions now. That’s good, because my current work project is mind numbing and after two days of it, I’ve got a pretty good headache. I should finish by tomorrow, hopefully with my brain intact.
So the best I can do for you today is answer the question of what skill I’d like to master instantly.
I’ve tried to learn to spin wool over and over. I know I CAN learn it, but I’ve never had the patience to keep trying with a drop spindle, and never had enough time with a spinning wheel to get a rhythm. I would truly love to just know how to do it and start enjoying spinning my own yarn minus the learning curve. Yeah, that’s cheating, I know.
Same with weaving. I can weave with a rigid heddle and know how to make tapestries. However, if I could instantly master a big ole loom and all those complex patterns…I’d be set for life. But that’s not happening. I should go make some placemats and not let Lee wash them in the machine (fate of my last woven placemats).
Good thing I do know how to knit and crochet well enough to make things I enjoy.
What is one way you have grown this year?
One of the best things about aging is that you realize you have learned so much from all those “learning experiences.” Also, you are humbled to realize that those opportunities do not suddenly end when you hit some magical age of discernment. I wish.
While I do have a pretty good idea of what my issues and triggers are (abandonment, low self esteem, sensitivity to criticism, etc.), I still have more to learn about dealing with my areas of vulnerability. Who doesn’t, right?
When my horse trainer dismissed me as a client in January, I admit I was blindsided. My fear of abandonment took me back to how I felt as a small child. I was heartbroken. I thought she was a lifelong friend, though I realized we had differences.
How did I grow? Well, I was able to nip my inclination to blame myself in the bud. I was able to see she is in pain and afraid, and struck out at me as a convenient target. I can’t say I wasn’t sad or that I don’t regret that it happened. But I’m back to seeing good in life.
A key insight for me was that I realized I felt a lot better now that I didn’t feel pressured to perform, to modify my speech, and make myself do things I didn’t want to do. You know what? I can enjoy my horses without asking them to do things they don’t enjoy, and I can take my time making progress. I don’t even have to ride. It’s okay!
And yep, that’s the growth for this year so far. I have broken free of feeling like I have to diminish myself so as not to “rock the boat” — and it’s happening at work and home, too. I notice things but don’t react unless it’s important, and then I’m more compassionate. yay!
No wonder I enjoy my work and don’t let pissy people bug me. No wonder I can relax at home and feel like it’s a choice to steer clear of some potentially contentious topics or ignore potentially irritating actions, not something I have to do to protect myself. Bonus: I realize others are letting my annoying features slide, too. It’s reciprocal!
I hope you can think of ways you’ve been growing this year. Have you seen growth in others? I sure have, and I’m so pleased. As long as I’m surrounded by people who are doing their best to be the kind of friend, family member, or community member they can be, I can hold on and make the best of each day.
Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships.
Remind yourself that when someone bullies you, it’s because they feel weak.
Lower expectations from unreliable friends and family. Enjoy the good things and just accept them as they are. Griping won’t change anything.
Bear in mind you don’t have to comply with manipulation.
Listen with your heart and empathize without taking on others’ issues.
Love yourself, warts and all.
See the good in everyone but don’t make excuses for them.
Forgive those who hurt you, even if you must stay away for your safety.
Prioritize your needs; you’re as important as anyone else, so don’t always put others first.
Find the humor in situations.
Make room for silence. Meditate, pray, walk in nature. It improves your ability to bring your best self to relationships.
Beg anyone to love you. It never works. That only took me 50 years to figure out.
Walk on eggshells to keep the peace/save a relationship/pacify a narcissist.
Believe the put-downs, insults, passive aggressive jabs, and guilt trips of wounded souls trying to make themselves feel better by belittling you.
Try to fix anyone. That’s their job.
Bear a grudge. It hurts you more than the other person.
Make negative assumptions based on appearance — talk to people.
Tease unkindly, pick on, or gossip about people who are vulnerable.
It felt good to blurt that all out. I’m sure you have your own ideas! Me throwing out unsolicited advice may well be unnecessary. Thanks for playing along.
More book reporting for tomorrow. Hopefully less flooding, as there was another four inches overnight.
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I’m no longer even thinking about having it all. I just want enough. I want my family safe, a supportive community, a comfortable home, and enough to eat. I guess having it all would be all the above plus access to healthy food, natural beauty, and animal companions. Yarn, too. And books.
I have these things. I’m very privileged. I want these things for everyone in the world. It’s attainable but not with the distribution of wealth around the world. What a frustrating situation. I’m glad there are people smarter than me trying to find ways to change our oligarchy. What I can do is help others when I can. My job makes that easier than it once was. I’m grateful.
Truly, it’s only really having it all if “all” is available to everyone, no exceptions. Even people we don’t like.
I’m not up to writing much about today. The highlight was killing plants, so that tells you something. But before I eliminated the growth in the pool patio, I did my best to rescue as many portulaca plants from the racks between stones as possible. I think some will make it.
What personal belongings do you hold most dear?
Why do I hold my phone dear? It is my memory. It contains all my photos, all my communication with friends, access to my memories in the blog…and yes, I can get to all those things from my laptop. Yuck. I think I hold some bits and bytes or whatever cloud storage is made of. That’s really depressing. What else do I hold dear? Things made by my loved ones. My mom and stepmom’s art. Dad’s woodcraft stuff. Gifts they gave me. Things that tie me to them.
New thought: I’ve started letting myself write in incomplete sentences! They’ll soon be taking away my Grammar Police badge. My take is that the incomplete sentences are not as unpleasant as those two blogs I dictated and then was too woozy to properly review. Poor Sue had to endure proofreading that. I don’t pay her well enough for that! (I do not pay Sue; she’s just nice.)
Another part of the phone I love is the camera. I was at a Master Naturalist outing at my friend Carolyn’s place, which I’ve showed you before. I got some images I really liked there. I don’t need to show you all 125 species or 25 birds I recorded, but I want to share a few for those of you who always want more nature pictures.
This one was new to me. It’s an evening primrose that grows five feet tall. Wow.
And here are a few more plants.
We also saw lots of animal life. There was more than I expected, especially the suspiciously friendly raccoon. But it’s harmless.
Other animal news? No one’s come looking for Benny. He’s still over here trying to hump Carlton.
The Hermits' Rest 