dailyprompt – The Hermits' Rest

Why Didn’t I Call off My Wedding?

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

Short version: after a series of ill-advised relationships I accepted the first proposal of marriage I received. I should have stopped the wedding, apologized, and concentrated on my studies. But no, I just went along with it, because I thought I was expected to.

Why did I get married to this boy (he was only 23 years old)?

He was beautiful, with black hair and huge, almond/shaped blue eyes.
He was fun to hang out with and liked to do things outdoors.
I loved his dear Cajun family very much and didn’t want to lose them.
I felt very unattractive, unlikeable, and like i was a disappointment to my family and colleagues.
He was great at sex—I confused sex with love during my late teens and 20s. Tsk tsk.
I was terrified of being left all alone, having lost my mother and my first love just a few years before—the abandonment issues I struggled with the first part of my life were the underlying reason I did that.

Why shouldn’t I have married that young man?

Desperation is not a reason to get married
Sadness over the loss of a relationship is not a great reason to form a legal bond
I didn’t realize he was looking for me to replace his mother, who in his mind had abandoned him when she divorced his dad. In reality both his parents were much happier with their second spouses. He did not see this.
He viewed me as a helpful cook, financial assistant, and sex partner until he could go into international finance in Europe, without me.
He kept giving me yeast infections and blamed me for it. Nope. He had a very entrenched yeast issue.
I needed therapy before I could be a good spouse.

What could have helped?

My family could have told me how much they disliked him. Only later did I learn they called him “the iguana” (not sure why, maybe his eyes looked lizardly?)
His damn family could have taken me aside and told me he was more messed up than I was about abandonment.
I could have found a good therapist. He could have, too.

Dad later informed me the fellow was an asshole. Thanks, Dad.

In any case, I came to my senses quickly. He got his MBA that I helped him get and I got a very inexpensive divorce, since we owned no property and were amicable. I drove him to his new job in Detroit and never heard from him again. He passed away from testicular cancer a few years ago. He had a happy later marriage, which was good.

Ow, let’s note that if I hadn’t made that mistake, I wouldn’t have gotten the job that led me to another job where I met my kids’ dad, who moved me to Texas then left me for someone pretty and athletic, which made me get the job where I met Lee. So, life has its way of teaching its lessons, and if you keep working on yourself, you might end up content after all.

If I hadn’t have gone through all that, I wouldn’t have my living weed-eater! Here, Apache helps with the Johnson grass problem.

Oh, Social Media

How do you use social media?

It’s fashionable to declare one’s sweeping disdain for social media and disgust at all its flaws. People who enjoy their favorite apps are looked down upon by those who choose to abstain. I’m not sure the disdain is warranted. After all, you’re reading social media right now, and no one’s nefariously trying to steal your information or convert you into believing some propaganda.

That’s my point. It’s not all bad, nor am I so naive as to think social media is an entirely benign way of sharing information, either. All media have the potential open your mind to new horizons, educate you, or lead you astray, depending on circumstances. Just as with books, magazines, newspapers, radio, television, movies, etc., caution and common sense help distinguish between what’s appropriate and what’s not.

And that’s what I try to do. Just as I select reading material carefully, I choose social media outlets that meet my needs, and put others aside. I admit to strongly disliking Tik Tok or anything featuring frenetic and loud videos. If you enjoy it, I’m not going to look down on you! (I might frown a bit if you are a big Truth Social fan, but hey, I’m a well known left-leaning individual.)

Over the years, I have managed to select among blogs, Substacks, websites, and (a very few) YouTube channels that bring me interesting perspectives, knowledge about topics I love (yarn, horses, birds, the world). I rarely run into offensive content because I choose carefully and only take recommendations from people I trust.

Ladybug larva (it rained lightly all day, which didn’t provide many photo opportunities)

Facebook, which people seem to love or hate, is mostly a safe place for me, because I take care to be friends with and follow kind, smart, and funny people and institutions. I do have friends from many backgrounds and with whom I disagree on important topics. The ones who aren’t respectful to me and my friends don’t last long, as are people who expect me to tiptoe around their beliefs. I’m done with that kind of prison.

I love hearing from friends and family who I don’t get to see often, and I appreciate the perspectives I get from people who are smarter than me. This makes Facebook a positive part of my life, though I acknowledge that the way too accurately targeted ads and unneeded AI stories do make for less pleasure. Scrolling past that stuff quickly has become an art form.

Of course, social media gives me pleasure because I can contribute my thoughts and feelings to share with others. Believe it or not, I don’t share everything, just things I hope my friends and followers would enjoy. It makes me happiest when things I write get people talking to each other or sharing their own ideas.

There’s no way I’ll ever be a social media star, which is good, since I haven’t wanted to be famous since I was very young and didn’t know the consequences of fame. Shudder. I just want to be a friendly (if opinionated) voice who sounds like a real woman pondering about issues and observing the beauty in the world. That’s what I do with social media.

Also I am not fond of hashtags. Random factoid.

Who would I be?

If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?

Great question. I knew my answer pretty quickly. If I could be a character in a book or movie, I’d be Kya from Where the Crawdads Sing, by Delia Owens. It’s my second favorite book, as I said in my book report.

Sure, Kya has lots of challenges. But she gets to spend lots and lots of time by herself looking at plants and classifying them. And she gets to be a famous author but not have to deal too much with the annoying parts of being famous. Mostly I just love the life she leads, the peace she finds in nature, and her acceptance of who she is, even though she’s not “standard.”

Yep, I could live in her world happily. Since it’s not possible, I’ll just have to re-read the book soon. I liked the movie fine, but I can slowly savor Owens’s words if I’m reading. She writes like I think. That’s a magical feeling.

I’ll write more ranch tales later.

Best and Worst Pets?

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Dang, I wish I had more time to answer this one, but I’ve got a very early meeting tomorrow, so I’ll have to be brief.

Nota bene: the best and worst pets will differ depending on the person’s age, living situation, and personality. Thus, I’ll answer for myself.

Best: for me, I want a pet who likes me back, who communicates well, and who fits in with my life. That’s going to be a dog. Dogs are great companions, aren’t too expensive (unless you have five and one’s on liver medicine), are affectionate, and you can talk to them and they kind of listen.

Cats are okay, but I’m not sure they really like people all that much. Horses are great, but they have to live outside and are expensive, especially when you have five and one’s on metabolism medicine. I enjoy fish and birds, but I feel like they’d rather be outside. I do not want to confine an animal who doesn’t like being with humans.

Worst: for me the worst pet is a wild animal, especially the really smart ones who deserve to make their own choices. I also don’t like pets you can’t interact with. No pet insects for me.

Medium; pets like poultry, cattle, sheep, and goats are ok. I’m not going to eat a pet, though. I have to admit it’s fun to watch these domesticated animals, and some of them are pretty friendly. If you have space and funds to care for them, they’re fine, so I’m glad I can enjoy my chickens and turkeys.

Off to sleep. Enjoy whatever pets you have.

Sure, I’ve Changed since Covid

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Since I’m avoiding telling other people’s stories and not much is going on with me, I welcomed this question. It gave me a chance to evaluate what’s changed, my struggles to adapt, and the positive and negative results.

I found one sad, small wine cup today. Usually we have quite a few. Hope the prediction of rain soon is correct.

Positive: the people we were staying with and became our “pod” are still with us much of the time. We have gone through significant ups and downs, misunderstandings, illnesses, and job changes, but we now support each other and have learned to deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies. There are a lot of idiosyncrasies to go around, but the fact that we’ve made it through a series of pretty impressive challenges and remain supportive says a lot about me, Lee, Kathleen, and Chris. We’ve done a lot of growing and changing for the better.

Another positive that didn’t feel that way at the time is that I finally figured out how to lose my conception of what was happening in my life and keep living in the moment rather than dwelling on the losses. There was a period when I realized friendships and family relationships weren’t what I thought they were. That hurt. And thanks to Covid I lost my beautiful workspace I’d put so much effort into and didn’t get to fully enjoy living in Austin in my beautiful house. I had to leave by the time we were no longer masked and distant.

But I got through it all. It may not have been pretty, and my heart broke and rebroke, but I came out so much stronger and more resilient. I have a much more accurate perspective on the people around me, friends, colleagues, and society.

Covid truly taught me that attaining personal growth, gaining wisdom, and developing inner strength is a journey that does not end. I’m better prepared now, though.

A negative is that I’m still not comfortable being in large groups where people might cough all over me. It doesn’t help that the only time I actually got the disease was after flying to a vacation. I have to fly again week after next. I have come to terms with the fact that there are germs out there. I do still have to live my life (and symptoms of the virus I got when I went to that event recently are finally almost gone).

Covid has kept me and Lee even more hermit-like, though I do a few things, still! And Lee goes grocery shopping where there are many people, something I avoid these days.

My favorite positive to come out of COVID is that I don’t have to commute to work and can stay here at the Hermits’ Rest or even work from campsites. At first I really missed being with coworkers, but now I’m so happy that I can be home where it’s less distracting (other than dogs) and work with so many people around the world. Thank goodness for online meetings! And when I quit, I can go hug a turkey, pet a horse, or go for a hike.

I think my life changed for the better, even considering the downsides. I’m sure a lot less anxious (as long as I do deep breathing during the news).

Happy April! Here’s 1/3 of the year’s temperature blanket, featuring the hottest March ever.

Confidence is elusive

Who is the most confident person you know?

This was yesterday’s blog prompt, but I waited to address it until today, because I really had to think hard about the answer. I dutifully ran my mind through a long list of people I know, trying to figure out who could be the most confident.

Just a pretty fern. I hope it stays healthy.

Every single time I thought about anyone who portrays an air of confidence, I’d stop myself and say, no, not that person. I know all their struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Or I know they have imposter syndrome, or they put on a confident shell to hide under.

And in every case, I realized how much I admire them. How impressive it is that they go out and do what needs to be done with an easy, confident manner. That takes strength and most important, self awareness. Anyone who knows themselves well can see their strengths and weaknesses and choose how to behave in ways that bring out their best.

I also admire those who don’t act confident but try anyway. I value their insights and contributions, too. There are lots of us out there!

This stink bug introduces the bad side of confidence.

It seems to me that the only people I know who act confident when they really shouldn’t be are those who really don’t know themselves well, either because they’re incapable of it or don’t care to try. They always want to tell you how interesting they are and are extra fond of the sound of their own voices.

I can do without those over-confident types, whether they hold high political offices or stalk you on Facebook.

This fine wolf spider stalked me on my chair. I let it be.

What’s my conclusion? I guess it’s that acting confident in what you do, even when you have nagging doubts, is the kind of confidence we need more of.

A Shopping Spree? Me?

Where would you go on a shopping spree?

Finally there’s a blog prompt that I can answer and it comes right when I’m doing my best not to buy things…except peace symbol jewelry and shoes. Shoes are what triggers my pleasure receptors or something like that.

Look how cute this shoe is! And it has a little charm!

I guess I can’t forget my love of nail polish strips. Today’s shipment made me glaze over with pleasure at their beauty, especially the one with green highlights. Ooh.

The one on far right. It will look so great on!

That doesn’t answer the question of where I’d go on a shopping spree, though. I can only wear so many Skechers and ColorStreet (no, I’m not compensated).

I think I’d go to the Navajo Nation and buy some turquoise jewelry, rugs (in the styles I like best), and some churro wool I could weave or crochet with. I’d get some pottery and paintings by artists I admire or ones who are new to me. I would prefer to buy directly from the artist. Maybe my spree would include commissions just for me, but allowing the artists freedom to do whatever they want.

This is the closest I have to a real Navajo rug. I don’t know its maker, but the colors and pattern are right.

If I’m going to spend a lot of money, I’d like to contribute to a culture I admire and purchase handmade items. So, if anyone wants to send me on a spree, that’s what I’d do! I’ve certainly bought enough jewelry and from Native Americans and other people I know. It brings me joy to wear these things and see them in my home.

The necklace distracts you from my scowl.

There’s not much other news, because I worked both jobs today (all interesting) and the only other activity I did was go on a walk with Kathleen. We found some flowers and a scary branch that looked like an angry snake in the creek.

Keep sending out more rain vibes for here!

Dream Home Thoughts

Write about your dream home.

I’m surprised the prompt writers don’t have me down as having responded to this one. But I’ll give it a try, with a bonus.

So my dream home is probably right where I live now. At least I have all I really ever wanted here, though I could dream of being somewhere with less cow poop and more forest. But I cannot complain about this house I helped design and picked all the materials for, inside and out. I have an office, a den, a yarn closet, a big bedroom, a kitchen with red tile, and a screened porch. Outside I have my very pleasant swimming pool for hot summers, a birding hut, a hut for actual birds, and a pasture full of beautiful horses. Plus we have plenty of dogs and space to house family members.

I’m very privileged. And oh yes, there aren’t other houses crammed all around me. I mostly see fields, trees, and a couple of neighbors.

I admit my house in Austin on the hill surrounded by greenbelts was sort of a secondary dream house and I really miss it. But you can’t have two at my pay grade.

As for the bonus, I wanted to talk about the avian dream house where the fowl here live. I think they don’t realize how lucky they are to have a hen house, a turkey hut, and a big run where someone tosses fresh greenery to them daily.

These gals love greens. And chicken scratch.

But I do know that Darryl Junior, my favorite pecker, thinks his water dish is a dream come true. That giant white behemoth can’t stop himself from poking it, stomping on it, and trying to break it.

Today I finally got the hose unhooked from it and replaced it properly so the automatic waterer feature would work again. That’s no thanks to Darryl and his “helpful” urges.

Clinton eating dinner next to the functional water dish.

At least the horses didn’t bust out again like they did yesterday. Someone undid the chain holding the gate shut! I’m pleased that they’re so obedient that when I call them and look like I might have a food dish, they gallop right back into their pen. See, this ranch is a dream come true.

Books I’d Like to Read

What books do you want to read?

Look! A prompt I haven’t already answered! And on a day I’m too tired of thinking to write anything coherent. So, sure, I’ll tell you what books I’d like to read!

Sunset was pretty 360° around this evening

I want to read books about horses, birds, dogs, wildlife, native plants, and weird nature facts. I want to read about science, language, and (factual) history. I want to read about ways to make the world a better place and the people who do so.

I want to read about fiber arts, fiber artists, and the history of everyday things. I want to read about architecture, interior design, and clothing design to learn more about creating beautiful spaces and cozy surroundings.

And pattern instructions. I like reading them. More on my hat tomorrow.

I want to read about how to keep my mind and body healthy and how to nurture relationships with others.

I want to read stories about ordinary people facing life’s challenges in ways that inspire me and make me laugh.

I’ll never run out of things to read. Being able to read and write is one privilege I cling to with deep gratitude. It’s hard to separate “me” from all the words (and images) around me. And I treasure the unique words and images of others. I’d rather read a messy and ungrammatical article than something made bland and perfect by machines.

You have to go past ice to get out of here.

Wishing safety and warmth to all of us still dealing with cold, ice, and snow.

Mountain Girl Wannabe

Beach or mountains? Which do you prefer? Why?

I grew up near beaches and I like them okay, though I prefer marshy land near beaches, which have more interesting birds.

Beach sunsets are pretty fine! I do love Hilton Head.

But I really love mountains and always have. I looked forward to visiting Chattanooga, where my paternal grandmother lived, each summer so we could look at streams, go through tunnels, and drive along the Blue Ridge Mountains.

As an adult, I’ve treasured my visits to other mountains in all weather. There are really good birds, too, and each area is so different! if I were rich, I’d head right over to Breckenridge and hike and snowshoe and be just fine. Or maybe Ruidoso, since it’s in another state I love.

Just dreaming. I’m here in Texas looking at a small hill. At least I have all these birds!

Look. I finally took bird photos you can identify as birds. Eastern Phoebe.

Off topic, but I enjoyed watching a huge flock of Brown-headed Cowbirds roosting and then departing en masse this morning. I had the good camera (Cameron EOSR5 Mark II) and telephoto lens in the birding area. Distance shots are from the phone camera.

I also dragged the camera to the Wild Wings Bird Sanctuary to practice close-ups. I got lots of chickadees and titmice at the feeders and a few others. I think a couple are pretty good. At least you can see details on them. I’m gonna practice this week so my camera muscles will be all strong for next weekend. Anyway, here are cute titmice.