family – The Hermits' Rest

Doing hard things can lead to rewards

I rewarded myself for all that closet cleaning I’ve been doing by saying yes to an invitation to meet our friends Mike and Martha at the bakery in town. Lee even agreed to come along, though he was displeased that screeching children were hurting his ears. Nonetheless we all had nice conversations.

The bakery is so cute and GOOD. Visit Shirley Mae’s Bakery if you’re ever in Cameron, Texas.

Since I am the lesser hermit, I enjoyed talking to Martha, my friend Mary who was there with her family, and my son and his partner, who also came in. Then I had to have a good chat with the bakery owner’s dad and their nice employee, who collects Native American jewelry and is a Master Gardener, so she knows some of my friends.

This, dear readers, is why small-town living can be pleasant. I enjoy it much more now that I’m not paranoid about gossip and mean-spirited people. I’m glad I’m better at not caring about people who aren’t nice.

After all that socialization I was fine with watching some TV (finished Hawk and got through much of Ride or Die today) in the quiet house.

Of course, I spent two more hours putting clothing into boxes and moving things around. I almost finished sorting everything hanging up, and I disposed of two garbage bags of plastic hangers from my old house.

This was a mess. It’s my work outfits, dresses, and what passes for dress-up attire.

I still have a big pile of stuff to hang, now that there’s room for it, and plenty of hangers! That shows you how big the purge was. Tomorrow the hanging stuff will be hung, and if I have time, shoes will be culled* and arranged.

The horror! Goal is to have the surface of this island visible tomorrow.

My teeth still hurt but it’s better every day. I think the dry socket is healing. I think I’ll join my sleeping beauties and indulge in my favorite activity, sleep.

Carlton and Benito are doing much better these days. B is healing.

(*Sue, that’s the word my typo was trying to be yesterday)

Make it go away

If you could erase one trend from history, what would it be?

I’ll tell you what trend I’d like to eliminate: charismatic psychopaths taking over the leadership of powerful countries and embarking on unstoppable campaigns to satisfy their need for praise and power.

Can we make this trend go away? Not without a destructive struggle, I fear.

Okay, people who came here to read the prompt response can stop reading. I’ll go on to ranch news. First, the dogs are making progress. And, hey, I discovered in the archives that we got Penney seven years ago this week, and she was my most recent acquisition. So we aren’t grabbing dogs Willy-nilly. (Kathleen rescued Goldie.)

Benito has started to both play with and assert himself with Harvey. I just hope they establish their boundaries quickly. It’s hard to keep B calm for his heart worm treatment when everyone wants to play and play. But they do sleep a lot.

We have noticed much less mounting and marking from Benito, which is really good. I’m not fond of that stuff.

As for the rest of us, we are muddling along, with no one feeling all that great. My jaw swelling has gone down, but I still hurt. I’ll let the dentist know, and I’m taking the antibiotics on schedule.

Sharing some white-mouthed day flowers, which got sprayed today. They were pretty, but it was time to trim some overgrowth.

Big thing for me: I am finally going through all my clothing from work and ranch and will be making some lucky thrift store shopper very happy. I got two boxes full of clothes today. More to come! This is one of my “issues,” having too many clothes. Comes from not having many growing up. But I go overboard. Sigh. I guess I could have worse issues (and probably do).

PS: haven’t lost a fish in my water garden! Yay!

Birds of radically different feathers

My day today started off with spending a good while just watching a pair of Ruby-throated Hummingbirds flitting around and hanging out.

Usually if there are two males, they chase each other to defend their territory, but this male and female were just hanging out and maybe flirting. It was very calming to observe.

Bunnies were hard to distinguish from Lee’s mowing clumps.

The day (very long) ended with Kathleen presenting me with one of her diamond painting crafts. I knew she made them, but had never seen one before. I guessed (correctly) that she wasn’t surprising me with beautiful flowers, because she was suppressing a laugh as she came up to me, holding something behind her back. What was it? Well, she knows how much I like birds, so she tested my love of my avian friends by making me a bird I couldn’t like.

He’s watching me from the fireplace now.

I laughed so hard. It’s so nice and sparkly! It’s just the perfect gag gift! I love how we can poke fun at each other and enjoy stuff like this. We can all use a good laugh to keep us going.

Meanwhile, I did my nails all patriotic in preparation for a weekend trip. This polish looks like those rocket popsicles.

I’ll try to write tomorrow. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone.

How to succeed successfully

What’s your top tip to be successful in life?

The most important suggestion I have is to define success for yourself. Let others decide for themselves but not for you.

Bonus tip: as life and circumstances change, it is okay to change your definition. You’ve changed, so your aspirations will as well.

My definition of success focuses more on inner peace, love for all life on this planet, and forgiveness (of myself and others). And as long as I’m focused on these goals, I feel successful.

Minor success: with help from family, I have all the plants in my water garden. Now it can cycle before I put in fish.

Happiness is fleeting

What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?

I always feel sad when I hear people say their goal is to be happy. Or all they want is for their kids to be happy. All the time? We can’t always be happy.

These incessant hurlers do seem always happy.

I’d be exhausted if I was happy for days at a time. Happiness is a fleeting state of mind, for me. I want to have happiness, joy, and contentment in my life. Yet, all those feelings are sweeter and and more to be treasured when life has ups and downs to compare them to.

So I do not wish my children or anyone happiness all the time, just enough to savor and enjoy. My ideal would be to feel vaguely content most of the time, with sadness during appropriate times and happiness sprinkled throughout the day in little bursts.

The last bit of wildflower color. And many grapes. May have to cut those back.

I make sure to notice when I’m happy, since it comes more often these days. For example, I was happy just now when hugging Carlton.

I do wish that life could have less anxiety and stress. Everyone seems to have an imbalance of that, if they’re paying attention! This became abundantly clear yesterday, as so many friends expressed how good it felt to see the Obama Center opening. Independently, I kept hearing how people had forgotten what it felt like to be proud of a leader, and to hear former political rivals being civil with each other. The constant dread of these times lifted briefly.

Ephemeral. Most happiness is just that. Like catching two dragonflies on the wing.

Always growing! Of course.

What is one way you have grown this year?

One of the best things about aging is that you realize you have learned so much from all those “learning experiences.” Also, you are humbled to realize that those opportunities do not suddenly end when you hit some magical age of discernment. I wish.

We’re beautiful despite our scars, like my sunflower and friend.

While I do have a pretty good idea of what my issues and triggers are (abandonment, low self esteem, sensitivity to criticism, etc.), I still have more to learn about dealing with my areas of vulnerability. Who doesn’t, right?

When my horse trainer dismissed me as a client in January, I admit I was blindsided. My fear of abandonment took me back to how I felt as a small child. I was heartbroken. I thought she was a lifelong friend, though I realized we had differences.

Now I have time and funds to make a pond! So far all I have are a clean trough and a solar fountain. Plants are coming.

How did I grow? Well, I was able to nip my inclination to blame myself in the bud. I was able to see she is in pain and afraid, and struck out at me as a convenient target. I can’t say I wasn’t sad or that I don’t regret that it happened. But I’m back to seeing good in life.

Everything has its season, flowers and friendships both.

A key insight for me was that I realized I felt a lot better now that I didn’t feel pressured to perform, to modify my speech, and make myself do things I didn’t want to do. You know what? I can enjoy my horses without asking them to do things they don’t enjoy, and I can take my time making progress. I don’t even have to ride. It’s okay!

And yep, that’s the growth for this year so far. I have broken free of feeling like I have to diminish myself so as not to “rock the boat” — and it’s happening at work and home, too. I notice things but don’t react unless it’s important, and then I’m more compassionate. yay!

I was kind to this guy today. He really wanted to hang out on the side of the door, so I propped it open for him.

No wonder I enjoy my work and don’t let pissy people bug me. No wonder I can relax at home and feel like it’s a choice to steer clear of some potentially contentious topics or ignore potentially irritating actions, not something I have to do to protect myself. Bonus: I realize others are letting my annoying features slide, too. It’s reciprocal!

I hope you can think of ways you’ve been growing this year. Have you seen growth in others? I sure have, and I’m so pleased. As long as I’m surrounded by people who are doing their best to be the kind of friend, family member, or community member they can be, I can hold on and make the best of each day.

Little joys for girls and boys

Today was pretty darned pleasant. I got some items on my to-do list done, and enjoyed a day of less bad news surrounding me. Woo hoo!

The knockout roses Lee bought that I thought were doomed are both blooming. One little joy!

I went with Lee and Chris to Lowe’s to pick up supplies for the pool house project behind our house. I remembered to ask them to get a new air conditioner for my she shed, which will certainly improve horse feeding this summer.

I also finally remembered to get an American flag to go by our front gate. I’d been intending to do it for quite some e, but I rarely go anywhere that would have one these days. I want to be clear that everyone on our property has hopes for a better future here, no matter the details of our beliefs.

When we got home I hurried to do barn chores, and the flag was up by the time I got finished! What a joy.

I met an interesting man who builds furniture mostly out of 2x4s at the checkout line at Lowe’s. I enjoyed looking at his creative ideas and techniques. He reminded me very much of the creative builders in my family!

After Lowe’s Lee and I went to the pet store and got some “rosy red minnows” to put in the horses’ water troughs. That’s another to-do item I kept forgetting to do. I didn’t remember to take any pictures before I put them in. Let’s hope enough of them survive to do mosquito and algae control.

Apache and Spice always are fascinated by fish. Let’s hope these hide under their cement blocks well.

We got canna lilies to plant near the pool, too. The variety name cracked me up. My mother’s first name was Canova. Close. No humans by that name are authorized in this property, but innocent sale bin plants are.

Plus, I gave my nails a rainbow manicure and finished May on the temperature blanket. April and May were fairly pleasant. June is rather red so far. Red is over 90°, wine is over 95° and hot pink is over 100°. I’m hoping for very little hot pink this summer.

I wish you little moments of joy and much peace. Thanks for reading.

People can be rejuvenating

If you’ve read my writing before, you’ve probably realized I’ve gotten more like the hermit in our ranch name as time goes on. I get pretty drained in crowds nowadays, even Master Naturalist meetings. (Yet I am going to a convention soon, which I may regret.)

However, one-on-one interactions lift my spirits so much! Today I had many opportunities for good conversation. I’m thankful to all!

I’m even grateful for this large bold jumping spider who entertained us this morning.

This morning I spent a good while talking about some complicated stuff with Kathleen over our morning coffee, but soon the topics veered off into what an odd little family dynamic we have over here at the compound. For example, we keep repaying each other similar amounts of money, so it’s just floating around in circles. Much laughter ensued. Penney also found it funny.

Next, Terry the farrier came to trim the horses and Fiona. We had good conversation with him, too. I enjoy learning his stories of his interesting life and his own odd happenings, like someone just giving him a Jeep. He also found a weird thing growing on Spice, near her tests. Our guess is that it’s a skin tag or little melanoma. I need to find someone knowledgeable to look at it.

After a nice, quiet afternoon of work, Terri from Master Naturalists came over to get a blog software refresher so she can help on the Master Naturalist blog. We are supposed to have a backup for all our roles. We fed the horses, looked at all the ponds and outbuildings, and yes, practiced blogging. I tried to explain our family arrangements here, and once again realized how weird it sounds when you say it out loud. I enjoyed her stories of living on a sailboat with young children, too.

I know I share a lot of egrets. But they are so beautiful.

It was a very pleasant time with no deadlines or big agenda. The whole day was like that. Very little negativity and much supportive interaction. I wish you similar days!

It’s nice to be nice

Today was good. One of my friends had asked our chat group if anyone had certain essential oils. I thought to myself, why, I have a considerable amount of essential oils. I could give them to her so she wouldn’t have to spend all the money to buy them. Then I realized I now only use one or two oils, so ten years’ worth of collecting was just sitting there. I decided to give it all away.

I could barely carry the bag full of oils in boxes, bags, etc. into the restaurant for lunch. I laughed as my friends descended on those bottles of oils like magpies spotting shiny objects. The one who needed the oils to tend to her llama went first, and she found all she needed.

I got joy out of everyone’s chatter and discussion of where and how they were going to use their aromatic treasures. It all went to someone, including the boxes, one of which was a humidor. One friend only took a box! I was just so pleased to know that this stuff I’d spent a lot of money on would get used by people who’d enjoy it. I’m so happy for them.

Later in the day, I gave the phone number we’d been using for our late lamented Air Bnb house to my son’s partner, who is about to lose their previous number. I’m so proud of myself for remembering to hold on to the number for just this kind of occurrence. My reward was hugs and smiles, which made my heart soar. All I want is to make life a little easier for them!

A different topic

This still relates to being nice, but in a different way. I finally got an equine dentist to come out and float our horses’ teeth. Kayli at Walking K Equine Dentistry is charming and enthusiastic. She’s also one strong cowgirl.

It’s always fun to watch the horses get worked on. They always feel better with sharp edges removed and irregularities smoothed out.

Dusty wanted to share a story with Kayli.

The best part is when they’re done and recovering from the sedation. It’s pure relaxation. I really enjoyed listening to Spice snoring as she recovered.

I’m glad we found someone who lives nearby to do this work, since it needs to be done yearly and our previous dentist has had trouble with appointments (she’s still very good at the job). Mabel needs to be seen again in 6 months because she has a loose tooth. Or Spice. What a fine memory I have. Good thing Kathleen was with me to remember things and tell fun stories about cattle. We are an interesting team.

I’m thinking that, since I hear often that I need to have fewer objects, I should keep my ears open in case someone else needs something I can pass on. It’s uplifting to think that my unused items could be just what someone else needs!

I know it’s blurry. But this water bug looks cool.

I think I’m slowing down

One thing about teaching one’s “golden years” is that it seems to take more energy to do normal things. I find myself able to do the things I have to, but optional tasks go by the wayside.

Nails are not optional. I found this one rather wimpy. I was trying for Pride. It’s like tepid support. I’ll do better next week.

Allowing myself to simply rest more has taken mental effort. I always think I have to be doing something. Just being present can be enough, though. It’s about time I lived my values instead of just paying lip service to them!

Like Carlton, I can just bask in nature and enjoy being alive.

Next week will be busy, then there’s lots of travel coming up, so perhaps it was a good idea to conserve my strength today.

I’ll sneak in some fun, too. The ponds and puddles are lots of fun for dogs!

Tomorrow I have some interesting information to share, so get ready to learn some birding facts about the Hermits’ Rest.