family – Page 2 – The Hermits' Rest

Figuring out how you feel is the first step

I didn’t know how to write about this yesterday, because I was having a hard time sorting out my conflicting emotions along with conflicts between rational thought and emotional attachment. Truth be told, I’m not much better about it, but I ought to finish the tale of little Benny, the dog who came in from the storms.

You may recall that after we returned him to his official home, he showed up three more times. Remember, he is a small chiweenie dog and lives 2.8 miles away. The last time he arrived was last Friday. We decided to let him hang out until his people asked for him back.

So, we fed him and endured his love affair with Carlton along with marking various spots with copious pee. He was a typical intact male dog. He was also very happy, friendly, and easygoing. We started to get used to him.

Here he is, fitting in. Wanting to be top dog.

Finally, on Memorial Day, his teen guardian asked if we’d seen him. I said he’d been here quite a while. No word until 5 pm, when she said her parents would come get him. I didn’t know how I felt about giving a dog back to someone who hadn’t even asked about him for three days. I still don’t know.

But, we sent the nephew out to meet them, since he knew them from when he was renovating Anita’s house and that family lived next door. His mission was to act tough and find out if they had a credible explanation. About an hour after they showed up, he came back in the house without Benny. Apparently most of the family was out of town and the teen left home to supervise “thought his parents had taken Benny with him.” (Quotes indicate I’m dubious.)

The parent said he would be fine letting us keep Benny, but the teen girl would be sad (and I predict would be at our house “visiting” all the time. Plus, he vowed that he’d fix their broken fence and take Benny in to get neutered so he won’t make puppies with their two unspayed Frenchies. The nephew believed them enough to send Benny home. I accept that, since I asked him to handle it (and I’m grateful).

I was surprised to find myself sort of sad. I know we do not need more dogs and would have to neuter him. But I liked him. Now that a couple of days have passed, I still wait for him to come through the dog door immediately after Carlton. And Carlton? I think he also missed his buddy but is glad the constant humping and licking have stopped.

I’m just hoping that giving him back was the right thing to do. I agree it’s their dog. But I want him safe. I guess the lesson I learned from this is that sometimes you just have to accept discomfort and a lack of closure. There simply may be no way to know what the best decision is.

Nice sunset, even if it doesn’t show the prettiest view of the ranch.

Other tidbits: dudes came by to figure out how much the new gutters will cost so we can get hooked up to the water storage tanks. I’m a bit disappointed that the only shade of red is more like the left shipping container above. Our current gutters are like the right shipping container. That’s okay. Most important is that they do the job.

Attractive hummingbird conveniently shows a current gutter and a water tank.

I still have more deep thoughts but will save them for tomorrow.

Pleased with simple progress for all of us

While today wasn’t exciting, it was satisfying. The family got things done that they’d been wanting to do for a while.

As a result, our surroundings are more pleasant and will be even more so soon!

Yesterday my giant tree stump was sculpted into a multi-level bird feeding platform. It was fun watching the little chainsaw making all the cuts.

With the yard all weed-eated and mowed, things looked pretty spiffy. Thanks, men. It’s spiffier now, because Lee and I went to Lowe’s and got a few plants, a suet feeder and some bird seed. I moved my solar birdbath to where I can see it, and set up the suet feeder this afternoon. It looks very nice. Perhaps birds will even find and use it. I hope to get photos.

I haven’t fed birds before, since we have plenty of natural bird food here and I don’t want to attract unwanted diners. So I’ll only put out a little food each day to try and get pictures.

It’s nice that Lee has taken up gardening since we built the porch. The houseplants are cheerful. What’s not cheerful are all the plants growing on the pool deck and flower beds. There are some, like nut grass and fall asters that I can’t pull up. Plus the Bermuda grass from when our yard was a pasture won’t go away by pulling. So, reluctantly, I will have to make use of herbicide. All precautions will be followed. Once the poolside bed only has the plants we want, we have some native plants to add in. That’s my plan, anyway.

This will look much better tomorrow. It has to perk up. My favorite portulaca and Lee’s favorite, wandering dude (yes, that’s what it’s called now).

Work is also starting up again on the pool house project behind our house. I love discussing all the creative plans for building it out to look good and do creative re-use of materials.

Carlton and Benny were inspecting the work—you can see Carlton coming out.

I’m looking forward to my plans for tomorrow, which I hope will include more horse time than today. Kathleen’s keeping up with her Dusty work. I do a lot of petting and grooming. But I did see Vicki and her horse, Malone, today. It’s fun having a visitor on horseback!

Animal transitions

Benny the dog showed up when it was raining again last night. This was the fourth time he’s shown up, so he appears to know the route. The dogs barked a lot last night thanks to that, so no one got a lot of sleep.

I was quite surprised to turn around and see Benny and Carlton in my bathroom doorway this morning. I guess he has the dog door figured out.

So, we’ve been waiting to hear from his owners, but I guess they haven’t missed him yet. It’s no use driving him over there, because he’d just follow us back. Sigh. In the meantime, he follows Carlton around in a lovesick manner. I’m sure Carlton is getting tired of it. I promised him either Benny would go home or he will be neutered next week. That should help.

No one here dislikes Benny. But we aren’t looking for a dog, especially one with owners. So, we’ll see what happens. At least he’s safe and getting tummy rubs.

Tonight Anita and I went out to dinner for the first time in a good while. We ate Vietnamese food, which is a real treat for us these days. She has finally had to let Pickle go, after a couple of pretty hard years with dementia and other issues. You know that was hard. It’s one of the hardest decisions people make. People at the veterinary office were so kind to her, though. That warmed my heart.

I’ll miss Pickle in her younger years when we cuddled in bed and went on long walks with Vlassic and Anita. I’m glad she’s no longer confused and unable to go out. Send Anita some good thoughts.

Penney doesn’t like them there chiweenies, however. Not Pickle, not Vlassic, not Benny. She’s consistent.

We all make sacrifices

What sacrifices have you made in life?

I don’t think anyone I know hasn’t made sacrifices, mainly since I’m no longer hanging around with people who think of no one but themselves. I’m also fairly sure that many sacrifices have positive outcomes. For example, the sacrifice I made to stay home with my sons when they were young ended up leading to meeting so many lifelong friends and my career path. So maybe it wasn’t a sacrifice; it was a good decision.

Maybe I sacrificed a dream to send Drew away, but we are all calmer now.

That’s the thing. Most of the “sacrifices” I’ve made no longer bother me. I honestly don’t feel like dwelling on them. One thing is I wish I had been able to travel overseas when I was younger. But the money was needed for other important things, like college educations and helping out family members. And now that we might have the means to travel to other countries, Lee won’t fly.

If I’m home, I can see when new plants bloom. Violet Ruellia has started.

Not traveling as much lets us invest in our home, though. I’m looking forward to some of the improvements we’ve been discussing, like finishing the pool house and getting the water tanks working. Admittedly, getting more grass in the horse pastures means fewer spectacular wildflowers, but I can sacrifice some of them if we can get native grasses.

We have to save some for the butterflies, like this variegated fritillary.

Everything’s really okay. We can each sacrifice something for the good of us all, at least here. Finding acceptance of how things are has truly made my life happier.

We planted the fig tree in time for more rain. I just hope the wind doesn’t break it.

Enjoy every dang moment

I say that because I wore my Lynda Barry shirt today, with Marlys saying “dang.”

It’s a comic for people my age and was very funny in the 20th century. Look up Lynda Barry.

But I’m here to tell you I’ve taken my own advice to enjoy every dang moment, and this had a very pleasant day with only a little remnant of The Sickness with No Name. I even got to talk to some friends today about its baffling nature. I’ve missed friends.

I’ve missed these, too. Meadow pinks. I’ll work on a better photo.

And Kathleen felt better enough to do stuff with horses and enjoy family chatting (the men call it BS-ing). We spent a lot of time dreaming up one of those gardens that catch runoff, because we will soon have giant rainwater harvesting barrels that need managing. It’s fun to dream of home improvements. I’ve always loved it.

I don’t know why, but the little depression near the driveway with frogs, crawfish and harmless water snakes doesn’t count as a decorative water feature.

The most fun part of the day was when I took a well-deserved walk at lunch. Though it was a cloudy day, the wildflowers on our roadside made it seem very bright!

Nature’s color palette is vibrant in May.

Because we started getting rain right after the poor bluebonnets and paintbrushes tried to bloom, the second wave of flowers is impressive.

I had a grand time looking at how huge the Engelmann daisies and Gaillardia are this year.

Many springs find those daisies all droopy and sad. Not this year.

Closer to my son’s house, I found the clasping coneflowers (Mexican hats, as they were called until recently) were much more robust than they’ve been in recent years. They make the roadside look like someone planned the arrangement of plants.

With a background of Dickcissels and orioles singing, I couldn’t help but feel thankful. This is why I live out here in rural America. The land and wildlife are always changing and endlessly interesting.

Grateful to be caretaker for this wild patch.

I am convinced I do better work when I can take these breaks. After lunch I churned out a big document and it met with approval. Then my boss took a framework I built and turned it into a project plan of great sophistication and utility. That was energizing to see! Living in the moment even makes work more rewarding, at least sometimes.

Yep, I’m proud of myself for plowing through the rough times. They make good days like today all the more treasured. And now, here’s the photo dump of today’s views.

A perfect flower? No, they’re all slightly irregular.

Can we have ONE crisis-less week, or even day?

That cloud of misfortune over our family is getting too big for its britches. We aren’t looking for constant tranquility, just a bit less ebb and more flow. The inconveniences, illnesses, deaths, and accidents are just piling on.

I picked myself flowers to bring a little nature inside.

Yesterday Lee drove all the way back to where the RV is, because he’d left his wallet. Yep. Made it nearly a week of lots of driving with no wallet. And in this place, you need ID, even if you’re white and straight and look male.

That’s nothing, really. And hey, I’m only slightly sick now. It was an okay day of work and I was looking forward to my 1:1 with my boss when Kathleen called. She never calls when we are both here. Well, she was feeding horses when Drew pinned her against the gate and kicked her right above her hip. Dammit.

Let’s look at pretty plants, not at someone who is hurt.

So I called 911 and got Drew away from her (he had been nuzzling her like horses do when they throw you to the ground—why are you down there?). It didn’t take too long for the guys to arrive. I am not an EMT so I can’t judge, but they didn’t seem very good at getting her on the gurney.

Off she went. I went back to work until I remembered to feed my son’s pets while he’s in the Old Country. At the same time as I realized I didn’t have car keys, FedEx came. Dogs barked as usual. Kept barking as I set boxes down. Were still barking when I got in the car…so I checked on them. Yes, as if animals hadn’t caused enough injuries today, Penney was trying to eat Harvey. He was trying, in his old and unstable way, to fight back. Carlton was trying to break it up. Too much hysteria led to a mess.

By the time I threw my bag at Penney to make her leave, blood was everywhere. No one was mortally wounded, but Harvey gushed a bit. That didn’t last long. Lee had to do a lot of cleaning of wounds and floors while I fed Potato and Dewey, the grandcat and rat. I admit I stayed with them and basked in their calmness and cuteness for a while.

I told myself that things come in threes (not really a believer), so I was happy to discover the third thing was just weird. Right by my car as I was driving to the road, a very large mama cow decided to mount an equally large and thankfully calm bull. That’s some power dynamics.

I wound down at the birding hut, where Nature at last decided to smile on me. I enjoyed watching two sweet-faced heifers checking me out across the fence. They were so graceful and curious. I bet they’ll make wonderful and respectful mama cows.

The good news is that Kathleen is “only” severely bruised and has no broken bones or damaged organs. Since this is the third time Droodles and his boundary issues have caused an injury, he is going to go to another location. There will be a trainer there who will give him the work he needs to be his best and will keep him away from short women or inexperienced people.

Safety first. Four years down the drain. I’m not the right person for him, nor is Kathleen. We are not up to what is needed.

This has not been a fun day. But we handled everything and have made rational decisions. I’m proud of all of the family. I’m not proud of one horse and one particular dog.

I must be a little better

How do I know? I just started singing some old Billy Joel song and it sounded like an alto singer doing the song, not Frankenstein’s monster. Yesterday I surely would have sounded monster-like.

Many exciting events happened today.

I almost opened my mouth all the way
I ate a juicy pear
My ears and salivary glands hurt more than my throat
I thought of writing a catchy pop song to the rhythm of the popping in my ears. Something’s moving around in there.
I was able to laugh a lot with my coworker and family—light-heartedly kidding around is healing

But that’s about all I have for you today. I am patiently healing and not rushing it, as I’ve been encouraged to do.

I’ll emerge a beautiful Suna-esque butterfly as I escape the mystery ailment cocoon.

Maybe I’ll review some television next. Being sick has led to a lot of that, since I can only read so long before my head hurts. (Whine, whine, whine—so many friends have much bigger challenges —I do remember you all.)

I’m Not Dead and I Do Vote

Do you vote in political elections?

Sorry I’ve been absent. Sick doesn’t really cover it. I was close to (shudder) taking myself to a hospital yesterday when I couldn’t talk at all, kept cutting off my airway with my inflamed throat, and kept salivating like a mini fountain. It was rather unpleasant. This whole illness is a lowlight of my life. Current theory: salivary gland infection. On account of the drooling.

But the question is, do I vote in presidential elections? What do you think?

Well, I know I’m real subtle about my beliefs…oh wait. I got fired by my horse trainer for saying some ICE tactics in Minneapolis were not legal. So, I’m one of those woke people.

We woke people vote. So, I do. Once the person I voted for won and I was so relieved, thinking our national nightmare was over. Nah, just postponed for a while.

That’s what you get when someone on steroids and TWO antibiotics responds to a blog prompt.

It’s not all bad. The nephew gave me get-well flowers and an apple fritter.

Why Didn’t I Call off My Wedding?

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

Short version: after a series of ill-advised relationships I accepted the first proposal of marriage I received. I should have stopped the wedding, apologized, and concentrated on my studies. But no, I just went along with it, because I thought I was expected to.

Why did I get married to this boy (he was only 23 years old)?

He was beautiful, with black hair and huge, almond/shaped blue eyes.
He was fun to hang out with and liked to do things outdoors.
I loved his dear Cajun family very much and didn’t want to lose them.
I felt very unattractive, unlikeable, and like i was a disappointment to my family and colleagues.
He was great at sex—I confused sex with love during my late teens and 20s. Tsk tsk.
I was terrified of being left all alone, having lost my mother and my first love just a few years before—the abandonment issues I struggled with the first part of my life were the underlying reason I did that.

Why shouldn’t I have married that young man?

Desperation is not a reason to get married
Sadness over the loss of a relationship is not a great reason to form a legal bond
I didn’t realize he was looking for me to replace his mother, who in his mind had abandoned him when she divorced his dad. In reality both his parents were much happier with their second spouses. He did not see this.
He viewed me as a helpful cook, financial assistant, and sex partner until he could go into international finance in Europe, without me.
He kept giving me yeast infections and blamed me for it. Nope. He had a very entrenched yeast issue.
I needed therapy before I could be a good spouse.

What could have helped?

My family could have told me how much they disliked him. Only later did I learn they called him “the iguana” (not sure why, maybe his eyes looked lizardly?)
His damn family could have taken me aside and told me he was more messed up than I was about abandonment.
I could have found a good therapist. He could have, too.

Dad later informed me the fellow was an asshole. Thanks, Dad.

In any case, I came to my senses quickly. He got his MBA that I helped him get and I got a very inexpensive divorce, since we owned no property and were amicable. I drove him to his new job in Detroit and never heard from him again. He passed away from testicular cancer a few years ago. He had a happy later marriage, which was good.

Ow, let’s note that if I hadn’t made that mistake, I wouldn’t have gotten the job that led me to another job where I met my kids’ dad, who moved me to Texas then left me for someone pretty and athletic, which made me get the job where I met Lee. So, life has its way of teaching its lessons, and if you keep working on yourself, you might end up content after all.

If I hadn’t have gone through all that, I wouldn’t have my living weed-eater! Here, Apache helps with the Johnson grass problem.

Getting Back on Track

Today was beautiful, as days after a spring cool front tend to be. Every color was bright, the animals were happy, and the birds were out in full force! Thanks to migrating gulls and other visitors, we had 72 species at the Hermits’ Rest today! That’s the most since I have been tracking birds.

The weather was so nice that Vicki decided to ride her new horse, Malone, over for a visit. He’s a very attractive red dun with an expressive face, especially when he’s looking at Darryl, Jr., who is his first turkey experience.

Here he’s looking at Drew, who also interested him.

I got Apache all saddled and warmed up, and we set out to ride around the field. Apache was fine for about five minutes, then decided he was done.

Here’s Malone watching me warm up Apache. Only later I realized the poles are set wrong.

It was pretty frustrating to see him back in his old ways. I remembered how to deal with it, but after ten minutes or so, my right leg was getting tired of trying to get him to go forward rather than sideways. It didn’t help that Drew and the other horses were in a tizzy and running up and down the fence line. Soon Drew broke the fence completely. He wanted to join us.

I got Apache back to the starting area and proceeded to do more ground work with him, so he won’t think I will stop asking him to do things if he behaves badly enough. He did fine.

Malone didn’t really want to leave, so it was Vicki’s turn to deal with an opinionated horse. Once they got to the end of the driveway and around the corner, it got better.

Whew. I need to get over my horse (more like horse trainer) issues and ride more often or Apache will stay uncooperative. Kathleen and I are encouraging each other to not work so late and do more horse activities. She had Dusty all saddled up and working in the round pen this evening. He’s getting muscles and seems to be enjoying it.

He’s remembering the old days. Doesn’t he look good?

I did make my nails look festive and get caught up on my temperature blanket today, but I still have Master Naturalist stuff to do. I’m just giving myself permission to take it easy, however.

It may be starting all over again, but Apache and I will get back on track! Plus, the fence is repaired again, at least for a while.