Why Didn’t I Call off My Wedding?

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

Short version: after a series of ill-advised relationships I accepted the first proposal of marriage I received. I should have stopped the wedding, apologized, and concentrated on my studies. But no, I just went along with it, because I thought I was expected to.

Why did I get married to this boy (he was only 23 years old)?

• He was beautiful, with black hair and huge, almond/shaped blue eyes.
• He was fun to hang out with and liked to do things outdoors.
• I loved his dear Cajun family very much and didn’t want to lose them.
• I felt very unattractive, unlikeable, and like i was a disappointment to my family and colleagues.
• He was great at sex—I confused sex with love during my late teens and 20s. Tsk tsk.
• I was terrified of being left all alone, having lost my mother and my first love just a few years before—the abandonment issues I struggled with the first part of my life were the underlying reason I did that.

Why shouldn’t I have married that young man?

• Desperation is not a reason to get married
• Sadness over the loss of a relationship is not a great reason to form a legal bond
• I didn’t realize he was looking for me to replace his mother, who in his mind had abandoned him when she divorced his dad. In reality both his parents were much happier with their second spouses. He did not see this.
• He viewed me as a helpful cook, financial assistant, and sex partner until he could go into international finance in Europe, without me.
• He kept giving me yeast infections and blamed me for it. Nope. He had a very entrenched yeast issue.
• I needed therapy before I could be a good spouse.

What could have helped?

• My family could have told me how much they disliked him. Only later did I learn they called him “the iguana” (not sure why, maybe his eyes looked lizardly?)
• His damn family could have taken me aside and told me he was more messed up than I was about abandonment.
• I could have found a good therapist. He could have, too.

In any case, I came to my senses quickly. He got his MBA that I helped him get and I got a very inexpensive divorce, since we owned no property and were amicable. I drove him to his new job in Detroit and never heard from him again. He passed away from testicular cancer a few years ago. He had a happy later marriage, which was good.

Ow, let’s note that if I hadn’t made that mistake, I wouldn’t have gotten the job that led me to another job where I met my kids’ dad, who moved me to Texas then left me for someone pretty and athletic, which made me get the job where I met Lee. So, life has its way of teaching its lessons, and if you keep working on yourself, you might end up content after all.