The Hermits' Rest

Book Report: The Myth of Normal

I am so glad I found The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture, by Gabor Maté and his son, Daniel (2022). I’m also glad I didn’t read it until now, because I needed to finish going through some enlightening experiences that would be useful as I slogged through 500 pages of fascinating information and insights.

I seem to have misplaced the dust jacket.

If you’re not a big fan of “the way things are” in medical care, mental health care, and the idea of the self, you’ll find a lot of information confirming your intuition and backing up your gut feelings. Maté does a great job of explaining the mind/body connection in more concrete terms than I usually read in Buddhist or pagan literature. Maybe it’s because I come from the dominant US culture, I can follow his more rational arguments better than completely spiritual commentary.

All I can say is that the points made about how psychic trauma affects our physical bodies and shapes our personalities all rang true to me. I got a lot of clarity about my own “stuff” as well as why others act the way they do.

The encouraging thesis in this book is that once you figure out what the source of your psychological pain is, you can address it, learn from it, and make future decisions without its input.

The result? I have tools at my disposal that I can use to continue my journey towards authenticity and autonomy. You do have to be willing to experience difficult memories or re-live unpleasant events from the past. That’s the hardest part. To me, it seems worthwhile. I want to be healthy!

If you’re open to new ideas that aren’t totally crackpot, just different, I’d recommend this book. And if you or someone you care about is dealing with any type of addiction, this or Gabor Maté’s earlier books are great, non-judgmental resources. His views of addiction are insightful and helped me understand why some of us are more prone to it than others. It helped me make sense of my own family.

Thanks for the kind words about Benny the dog. I’ll leave you with a beautiful female Painted Bunting who let me watch her work on her nest at twilight.

Figuring out how you feel is the first step

I didn’t know how to write about this yesterday, because I was having a hard time sorting out my conflicting emotions along with conflicts between rational thought and emotional attachment. Truth be told, I’m not much better about it, but I ought to finish the tale of little Benny, the dog who came in from the storms.

You may recall that after we returned him to his official home, he showed up three more times. Remember, he is a small chiweenie dog and lives 2.8 miles away. The last time he arrived was last Friday. We decided to let him hang out until his people asked for him back.

So, we fed him and endured his love affair with Carlton along with marking various spots with copious pee. He was a typical intact male dog. He was also very happy, friendly, and easygoing. We started to get used to him.

Here he is, fitting in. Wanting to be top dog.

Finally, on Memorial Day, his teen guardian asked if we’d seen him. I said he’d been here quite a while. No word until 5 pm, when she said her parents would come get him. I didn’t know how I felt about giving a dog back to someone who hadn’t even asked about him for three days. I still don’t know.

But, we sent the nephew out to meet them, since he knew them from when he was renovating Anita’s house and that family lived next door. His mission was to act tough and find out if they had a credible explanation. About an hour after they showed up, he came back in the house without Benny. Apparently most of the family was out of town and the teen left home to supervise “thought his parents had taken Benny with him.” (Quotes indicate I’m dubious.)

The parent said he would be fine letting us keep Benny, but the teen girl would be sad (and I predict would be at our house “visiting” all the time. Plus, he vowed that he’d fix their broken fence and take Benny in to get neutered so he won’t make puppies with their two unspayed Frenchies. The nephew believed them enough to send Benny home. I accept that, since I asked him to handle it (and I’m grateful).

I was surprised to find myself sort of sad. I know we do not need more dogs and would have to neuter him. But I liked him. Now that a couple of days have passed, I still wait for him to come through the dog door immediately after Carlton. And Carlton? I think he also missed his buddy but is glad the constant humping and licking have stopped.

I’m just hoping that giving him back was the right thing to do. I agree it’s their dog. But I want him safe. I guess the lesson I learned from this is that sometimes you just have to accept discomfort and a lack of closure. There simply may be no way to know what the best decision is.

Nice sunset, even if it doesn’t show the prettiest view of the ranch.

Other tidbits: dudes came by to figure out how much the new gutters will cost so we can get hooked up to the water storage tanks. I’m a bit disappointed that the only shade of red is more like the left shipping container above. Our current gutters are like the right shipping container. That’s okay. Most important is that they do the job.

Attractive hummingbird conveniently shows a current gutter and a water tank.

I still have more deep thoughts but will save them for tomorrow.

A little processing break

I’ve been thinking about things that I need to work on to keep making progress on becoming my true and authentic self as much as possible. I did an interesting tarot reading tonight, thanks to a great spread Cat Dancing made for our group. I’m still thinking about it.

I’m also still processing how Benny the dog went back to his old house. Not sure how I feel about it.

So I’ll try to pull it all together for tomorrow. I’m also thinking about the consequences of some very important runoff elections in Texas. Not sure if cheering is appropriate.

I don’t want it all

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I’m no longer even thinking about having it all. I just want enough. I want my family safe, a supportive community, a comfortable home, and enough to eat. I guess having it all would be all the above plus access to healthy food, natural beauty, and animal companions. Yarn, too. And books.

Alfred is glad to be our animal companion.

I have these things. I’m very privileged. I want these things for everyone in the world. It’s attainable but not with the distribution of wealth around the world. What a frustrating situation. I’m glad there are people smarter than me trying to find ways to change our oligarchy. What I can do is help others when I can. My job makes that easier than it once was. I’m grateful.

Truly, it’s only really having it all if “all” is available to everyone, no exceptions. Even people we don’t like.

Humor break. Many of these mushrooms are coming up right now. From a distance it looks like a field of tampons.

I’m not up to writing much about today. The highlight was killing plants, so that tells you something. But before I eliminated the growth in the pool patio, I did my best to rescue as many portulaca plants from the racks between stones as possible. I think some will make it.

Pleased with simple progress for all of us

While today wasn’t exciting, it was satisfying. The family got things done that they’d been wanting to do for a while.

As a result, our surroundings are more pleasant and will be even more so soon!

Yesterday my giant tree stump was sculpted into a multi-level bird feeding platform. It was fun watching the little chainsaw making all the cuts.

With the yard all weed-eated and mowed, things looked pretty spiffy. Thanks, men. It’s spiffier now, because Lee and I went to Lowe’s and got a few plants, a suet feeder and some bird seed. I moved my solar birdbath to where I can see it, and set up the suet feeder this afternoon. It looks very nice. Perhaps birds will even find and use it. I hope to get photos.

I haven’t fed birds before, since we have plenty of natural bird food here and I don’t want to attract unwanted diners. So I’ll only put out a little food each day to try and get pictures.

It’s nice that Lee has taken up gardening since we built the porch. The houseplants are cheerful. What’s not cheerful are all the plants growing on the pool deck and flower beds. There are some, like nut grass and fall asters that I can’t pull up. Plus the Bermuda grass from when our yard was a pasture won’t go away by pulling. So, reluctantly, I will have to make use of herbicide. All precautions will be followed. Once the poolside bed only has the plants we want, we have some native plants to add in. That’s my plan, anyway.

This will look much better tomorrow. It has to perk up. My favorite portulaca and Lee’s favorite, wandering dude (yes, that’s what it’s called now).

Work is also starting up again on the pool house project behind our house. I love discussing all the creative plans for building it out to look good and do creative re-use of materials.

Carlton and Benny were inspecting the work—you can see Carlton coming out.

I’m looking forward to my plans for tomorrow, which I hope will include more horse time than today. Kathleen’s keeping up with her Dusty work. I do a lot of petting and grooming. But I did see Vicki and her horse, Malone, today. It’s fun having a visitor on horseback!

Geez. I care about my phone.

What personal belongings do you hold most dear?

Why do I hold my phone dear? It is my memory. It contains all my photos, all my communication with friends, access to my memories in the blog…and yes, I can get to all those things from my laptop. Yuck. I think I hold some bits and bytes or whatever cloud storage is made of. That’s really depressing. What else do I hold dear? Things made by my loved ones. My mom and stepmom’s art. Dad’s woodcraft stuff. Gifts they gave me. Things that tie me to them.

New thought: I’ve started letting myself write in incomplete sentences! They’ll soon be taking away my Grammar Police badge. My take is that the incomplete sentences are not as unpleasant as those two blogs I dictated and then was too woozy to properly review. Poor Sue had to endure proofreading that. I don’t pay her well enough for that! (I do not pay Sue; she’s just nice.)

Another part of the phone I love is the camera. I was at a Master Naturalist outing at my friend Carolyn’s place, which I’ve showed you before. I got some images I really liked there. I don’t need to show you all 125 species or 25 birds I recorded, but I want to share a few for those of you who always want more nature pictures.

Purple Pleatleaf (***Alophia drummondii)***

This one was new to me. It’s an evening primrose that grows five feet tall. Wow.

Four point evening primrose (***Oenothera rhombipetala)***

And here are a few more plants.

We also saw lots of animal life. There was more than I expected, especially the suspiciously friendly raccoon. But it’s harmless.

Other animal news? No one’s come looking for Benny. He’s still over here trying to hump Carlton.

Animal transitions

Benny the dog showed up when it was raining again last night. This was the fourth time he’s shown up, so he appears to know the route. The dogs barked a lot last night thanks to that, so no one got a lot of sleep.

I was quite surprised to turn around and see Benny and Carlton in my bathroom doorway this morning. I guess he has the dog door figured out.

So, we’ve been waiting to hear from his owners, but I guess they haven’t missed him yet. It’s no use driving him over there, because he’d just follow us back. Sigh. In the meantime, he follows Carlton around in a lovesick manner. I’m sure Carlton is getting tired of it. I promised him either Benny would go home or he will be neutered next week. That should help.

No one here dislikes Benny. But we aren’t looking for a dog, especially one with owners. So, we’ll see what happens. At least he’s safe and getting tummy rubs.

Tonight Anita and I went out to dinner for the first time in a good while. We ate Vietnamese food, which is a real treat for us these days. She has finally had to let Pickle go, after a couple of pretty hard years with dementia and other issues. You know that was hard. It’s one of the hardest decisions people make. People at the veterinary office were so kind to her, though. That warmed my heart.

I’ll miss Pickle in her younger years when we cuddled in bed and went on long walks with Vlassic and Anita. I’m glad she’s no longer confused and unable to go out. Send Anita some good thoughts.

Penney doesn’t like them there chiweenies, however. Not Pickle, not Vlassic, not Benny. She’s consistent.

Flowing and going

Hello blog, reader friends. how are you all doing? I’m a pretty tired gal today because I worked my little butt off and succeeded in finishing yet another big old project that I had to get done. I’m very proud of myself, but it takes a lot out of you to sit in front of the computer with headphones on for eight hours in one day.

I’d rather have been standing here looking at the pins and listening to Green Herons in the willows.

I’m glad I had something to take my mind off of all the work. When we got up this morning, we looked out the window and Lee said hey. There’s a donkey out there. Sure enough Fiona was grazing happily in front of the house. Somehow the horses had managed to find their way out. We thought about it and decided well, let’s just let them mow the lawn and fertilize a little bit for a while and they’ll go back in when they get thirsty. We could just go with the flow.

Nothing really seem to bother the horses all day. Even when the garbage truck came and made a lot of noise, they just sort of looked up and said, hey, a giant truck how about that? It drove past them, picked up the dumpster, dumped it, yet they just kept eating. Flowing and not going anywhere.

It’s just the garbage truck. Keep eating.

Later in the day, I came out to get the mail and there was good old Spice checking out the RV parking area, which currently contains a tractor with a missing front door. She was checking that tractor out pretty thoroughly. She was also checking out a bag of birdseed, which I wish she hadn’t checked out. Ah well. Could be worse.

By the time the horses’ meal time came around, they were all back in the pens, because they had finally gotten thirsty, just like we predicted. The only one who was wandering around was Fiona, who couldn’t seem to find the correct gate to go in. We determined that perhaps one of the veterinary assistance had forgotten to chain Dusty’s pen gate, and that’s how they got out this morning. It’s OK. It’s nice to just not have to worry about the horses doing anything weird, because Drew isn’t here anymore to instigate mayhem with his curiosity. I still miss him though, of course.

The sky was getting darker and darker while I was feeding them and sure enough just before everyone was finished it began to rain pretty darn hard. I had to let everyone out cause I couldn’t leave them trapped in their pens, so I got a little shower from nature. It actually felt pretty good. No need to get bent out of shape; I was flowing and dripping.

I tried to get a heron picture, but I scared it.

I think I’ll go to bed now, and bask in the fact that nothing horrible happened all day long and it was fun and I just got to enjoy being at home being with the horses and being with everybody else. I’ll be back tomorrow. Stephen Colbert can’t say that, but now he can run for office.

Crepuscular Critters

It was one of those days when you wonder how you managed to stuff so many things into your waking hours. I had meetings all day, broken up by lunch and a visit from Dr Amy, our mobile vet.

The vet visit went fast, because on my way back from lunch I picked up “sleepy medicine” for the dogs. By the time the veterinary entourage arrived, all dogs were much more mellow than usual. Still, two of them required muzzling.

Note my trimmed toenails. Dr Amy says I’m not ready to go yet, too! Just showing my age.

But, boom, they all got vaccinated and had toenail trims. Alfred also got some matted fur removed, too. The horses were penned and ready, so that part also went quickly. Only Mabel needed a little sleepy stuff, because she didn’t want that strangles vaccine up her nose.

After working late and eating dinner Lee cooked on his new griddle, I went out to put a card in the mail and to put my GIANT new jar of Pergolide in the tack room fridge. Apache won’t run out of meds any time soon, and that’s a big worry off my mind since I’d lost my source.

Cooking with gas. We’ve had this thing for months, so I’m glad he used it.

I decided to walk along the fence to get to the mailbox since it was a lovely time, just past sunset. As I walked parallel to the front pond hill, I realized I had a companion animal, a beautiful skunk.

I walked along with the skunk until I got to the driveway, where I paused to let my crepuscular companion cross in front of me to the horse paths.

Note that another creature of twilight watched the whole skunk and Suna show. I was very glad Tipper just sat there and watched, because I didn’t need to see cat-on-skunk action.

Since I’d already spotted a rabbit and a deer, the only creatures I was missing was an armadillo and possum. Not bad. There were also night birds. The Nighthawks were flying low and loud, which always adds to the air of evening mystery. Of course, there was also a Barred Owl. I enjoyed seeing this Great Blue Heron flying by the moon and squawking away.

I do enjoy the evening birds. I’m always surprised how many are still calling as it gets darker and darker. Here’s some of what I heard during my skunk walk.

What bugs me?

Quickly, since the weather’s turning icky again.

Mosquitoes. They ate what bugs me. Of course they aren’t bugs. They are insects. We are overrun with them right now thanks to the previous storm and a much smaller barn swallow population than usual. I guess our new porch miffed them by taking two prime nesting spots away.

After riding around in the pasture on Sunday looking at the grass situation, then pulling a lot of weeds yesterday, I’m covered with bites. And once I get a certain amount of Culex spit in me, the itching is unbearable. I start to feel better, then more arrive. Gonna have to use all my organic and scary repellent methods. I have few bite-free surfaces. Ugh.

I’m sure glad my honorary daughter gave birth to her chunky and adorable son safely today. That helps balance out the sad things from yesterday. I guess I was on target yesterday !

Hey, Sweetums, the babies need to be fed and I’m exhausted.

Stay safe if storms, fires, random shootings, or killer mosquitoes are after you. Remember I care, even if I don’t know you in real life. You matter.