The Hermits' Rest

Weird thing about grief

I’m grieving the fact that my horse Drew has gone to greener pastures (literally, east Texas, where it’s damp). I’m grateful for all the very kind words from many of you. It will just take me a few days to feel more centered.

At least I’m happy that I got my fig tree that friends were holding for me. Yay Figgy.

Today reminded me of something I’ve noticed before when I experienced grief. I get really accident prone. This is apparently a known consequence of grieving, in addition to memory lapses and decreased spatial senses (thanks AI). I didn’t put 2 and 2 together and figure out why I was so “off” today until this evening. Now I get it.

Like this mushroom, I’m not quite right.

Nothing bad happened, I just had odd accidents. For example, I was operating the gate to go to the garage and somehow got my thumbnail stuck in the link of a chain in the locking mechanism. That caused me to drop the van of Precious Coke Zero I was carrying. I extricated myself without breaking my freshly painted nail. But when I got into the Jeep to go get Figgy, I foolishly opened the can. Soda all over my clean jeans. Sigh.

I later dropped the phone (it’s fine) and scratched myself on the gate to the chickens. At least I got two eggs today!

And finally, after serving myself some comfort ice cream, I sat down to eat it, and it all plopped out of the bowl onto my cute shirt and the already soda-stained jeans. Sheesh.

I have heard that horses “grieve” the loss of a herd member. I wonder if the remaining four here are grieving or having the most relaxed day in years? I’m not sure. I did ride Apache today, as you could guess from the photo above. He’s getting back into the swing of things again, though being sick hasn’t helped the progress. He did great in the round pen today, but as soon as I walked him out of it, he did an Apache fit and I thought he was going to buck his way back to the barn. But, ha! I remembered the one-rein stop. He stopped.

He had a look on his face like he was very disappointed I remembered how to do that. And I competently got him to follow or lead Dusty and Kathleen around the outside of the pen until he quit thinking about exiting. At least Tarrin taught me something!

My vision for the future. So many chickadees.

Things will improve, I’m sure. We got some good rain this evening. And I got through another Mother’s Day burying my grief over my estranged son. It helped that my other son remembered me and so did my bonus daughter up near Dallas (two weeks until her son is due!).

Oops. The weather service just called. Big storm coming. Lee is bringing Figgy inside the screened porch!

Even when it’s for the best, rehoming an animal is hard

This is difficult to write, because I’m in danger of veering off into blaming myself, berating myself for being such a wimp, etc. But the goal of this post is to focus on what’s best for everyone.

Nope. Dusty isn’t going anywhere. Kathleen now rides him for hours!

As you may know, my little gray gelding, Drew or Droodles, has had some issues ever since he got kicked in the head by Fiona (mini-donkey). His boundaries are not good, and it takes constant vigilance to remind him to give humans and other horses space. Consequently, my son got kicked by him and had spleen damage, I got knocked into a metal fence rail and needed stitches, and just this week, Kathleen got crowded into a fence and kicked. Not to mention damage inflicted on other horses. I just can’t have any more injuries caused by my horse. (Note that I can go on and on about his good qualities—I love him.)

We had already been trying to find him a place where he’d fit in better. We had decided that he needed somewhere he’d be worked with every day by experienced horse people, and where he could have a job.

These guys need to be in a calm environment, too.

Kathleen’s stepson just happens to be a genuine cowboy, trained by his dad and others. He works with a very good trainer who has helped him with a couple of horses who’ve turned out really well. After this last accident, the family agreed to get Drew over there sooner rather than later. The time for waffling over it had ended.

Drew meets his new trainer. And his dog.

I’m convinced that Drew will adapt well to the new style of training he’ll get, and that the education I already got him will speed things up. Being worked with more often will keep his mind busy and build back his muscles. No matter how much I’d hoped for it, my work and travel schedule would never keep him where he needs to be.

So yep, my family and my other horses will be safer. I can work with Apache more easily without Drew raising a ruckus. The water troughs won’t have him chomping on the spigots (though it’s good there’s now a cage around the automatic waterers, since Spice is a big splasher, too). Drew will be in a more suitable situation with the cowboys, ropes, and all that. My hope is he will be happier.

Do I get to ride in this heirloom trailer?

But I’m very sad. I promised him I’d keep him safe, and now after just four years I’ve let him be shipped off. That’s normal, though. Even with his flaws, he was a lot of fun, and his curiosity always made me laugh. Sara said it was bittersweet when I told her. That’s it. Bittersweet.

At least he’s still in the family, and I’ve been promised photos and videos. I’m truly grateful that Drew has found such a good new situation with good people.

Stopping now before I go into blaming myself. It is all for the best, just sad.

Good news: the rods in the horse pens are all back up and properly welded. More safety! More gratitude for the help on this.

Enjoy every dang moment

I say that because I wore my Lynda Barry shirt today, with Marlys saying “dang.”

It’s a comic for people my age and was very funny in the 20th century. Look up Lynda Barry.

But I’m here to tell you I’ve taken my own advice to enjoy every dang moment, and this had a very pleasant day with only a little remnant of The Sickness with No Name. I even got to talk to some friends today about its baffling nature. I’ve missed friends.

I’ve missed these, too. Meadow pinks. I’ll work on a better photo.

And Kathleen felt better enough to do stuff with horses and enjoy family chatting (the men call it BS-ing). We spent a lot of time dreaming up one of those gardens that catch runoff, because we will soon have giant rainwater harvesting barrels that need managing. It’s fun to dream of home improvements. I’ve always loved it.

I don’t know why, but the little depression near the driveway with frogs, crawfish and harmless water snakes doesn’t count as a decorative water feature.

The most fun part of the day was when I took a well-deserved walk at lunch. Though it was a cloudy day, the wildflowers on our roadside made it seem very bright!

Nature’s color palette is vibrant in May.

Because we started getting rain right after the poor bluebonnets and paintbrushes tried to bloom, the second wave of flowers is impressive.

I had a grand time looking at how huge the Engelmann daisies and Gaillardia are this year.

Many springs find those daisies all droopy and sad. Not this year.

Closer to my son’s house, I found the clasping coneflowers (Mexican hats, as they were called until recently) were much more robust than they’ve been in recent years. They make the roadside look like someone planned the arrangement of plants.

With a background of Dickcissels and orioles singing, I couldn’t help but feel thankful. This is why I live out here in rural America. The land and wildlife are always changing and endlessly interesting.

Grateful to be caretaker for this wild patch.

I am convinced I do better work when I can take these breaks. After lunch I churned out a big document and it met with approval. Then my boss took a framework I built and turned it into a project plan of great sophistication and utility. That was energizing to see! Living in the moment even makes work more rewarding, at least sometimes.

Yep, I’m proud of myself for plowing through the rough times. They make good days like today all the more treasured. And now, here’s the photo dump of today’s views.

A perfect flower? No, they’re all slightly irregular.

Getting a Little Jumpy

Though it’s been two whole days since anything weird happened at the ranch, I’m on high alert. Any sudden movement gets me on defense. That has included swooping Barn Swallows, a deer in a field, and an owl on a fence post suddenly turning its head.

Most of this is normal, though the owl was pretty cool.

This Black Caterpillar Hunter didn’t set me off. I thought it was interesting.

I’ve been throwing myself into work, which is useful. And coaching coworkers does keep my mind off potential threats. But the minute I’m outside I’m watching for anything amiss. I’ll get over it after a few days.

Worst, we were watching our nightly television hour, when we heard loud screams. It wasn’t our TV, or the one in the bedroom. We ran outside to see if someone was hurt, then it became clear that our coyote neighbors were closer than usual. One coyote can sound a lot like someone screaming. It got my blood pumping!

I will do some breathing exercises after I finish this.

Today’s best news is I felt well enough to go eat some Mexican food with Lee. I sure enjoyed my tacos al pastor.

All that sick time had one benefit

Being ill last weekend meant all I could do was sit around and watch television. I hurt too much to read or do crafts. Thanks to all that watching, I can pass on my recommendations to you. That’s the benefit.

(Note that no animals harmed any people or other animals today. Both Kathleen and Harvey are taking it easy and trying to heal.)

Harvey, poor old guy. He’s a mess. But remarkably cheerful. At least this angle shows no injuries.

So, what has Suna been watching?

The Crown. Lee and I had low expectations for this, especially since he is not a royalist at all. I did have to explain who people were to him (my English roots make me slightly interested in the monarchy). I now understand all those awards that went to the actors. Most of them did an eerily accurate representation of the people they were playing. There were three main casts, representing the family of QE2 at different ages. The only ones who weren’t super accurate (to me) were the final Charles and Harry. All the Dianas were so realistic, as were the queens.

My favorite parts of the series (other than scenes of England, interiors of palaces, fancy horses, and old English cars) were interactions with the characters. You ended up seeing how each of them ended up with their quirks. I didn’t feel like they made anyone out to be more saintly or awful than anyone else. I was even able to drum up a little sympathy for Margaret Thatcher and Queen Camilla. They were all pretty sad people except maybe Prince William and Kate.

The series is a great introduction to 20th century history in the form of a soap opera/travelogue. The only parts I didn’t like were when dead people started showing up and chatting with the living. My conclusion is I’m glad I’m not a member of that family. I also concluded that after watching Victoria. Combine those two shows and you have 200 years of English history class.

Now put on your tinfoil hat! (From Pexels)

Resident Alien. You know how much I have needed to laugh lately. This show is guaranteed to make you laugh, if you have a certain sense of humor. Everyone on this show is a fine actor and all the characters are built out to be realistic, believable people, even though they are very funny. This show is hilarious. We have to stop the television to laugh sometimes. The alien is played by Alan Tudyk, who is always good at playing weird guys, but he doesn’t dominate. It’s an ensemble. The science fiction aspect of the show gives it some drama (more as the shot goes on), but I’m just in it for the laughs.

The two children in the show are both great. But the little girl is a force of nature. She wore her tinfoil under her hijab, which made me laugh so hard. It’s a relief to have a Muslim character who’s so genuine.

The Fall and Rose of Reggie Dinkins. This is the kind of show Lee hates, where much of the comedy derives from someone being incredibly obtuse and kind of awful, but succeeds anyway. However, it was developed by Tina Fey and has actors I find funny (and Harry Potter!). I also laugh a lot at this one, even though it’s silly and totally unrealistic. I mean, Tracy Morgan as an ex football player is ridiculous right from the start. I do like the “family dynamic” where Reggie’s ex-wife and fiancée end up getting along, and both characters are more than stereotypes. For a network comedy, it’s not bad. Just don’t expect Shakespeare.

Image break: creeping cucumber growing on the chicken pens, the only photo I took today other than Harvey .

The Madison. Back to drama. Don’t laugh, but this is my first Taylor Sheridan show. I’m not good at jumping on bandwagons, so I skipped all the Yellowstone stuff. If I want to see cowboys, I just go to the Mexican restaurant at lunchtime. However, I started watching this with Kathleen and kept going whenever Lee was upstairs binding books or analyzing his vital statistics for his journal (his journal is very thorough).

I literally just found out what he Taylor Sheridan looks like. That’s a rugged and manly fellow. Photo by Michael Buckner.

I got all distracted there for a second. So manly. As for the show, it’s an entire collection of episodes about how sad and messed up a bunch of New York rich folk are after the rich family patriarch dies while returning from a visit to his rugged and manly ranch in Wyoming, Montana, or somewhere like that. Nonetheless, the scenery and soundtrack are fantastic. If they just took the whiny people out and left the scenery and rugged manly soon-to-be-dead men fishing, I’d still have watched it.

Seriously, though, you do see a lot of personal growth, introspection, and learning in the Madison, especially in Michelle Pfeiffer as Madison. She’s a good poetic sniffler. And I was happy that good old rugged and manly Kurt Russell doesn’t disappear after dying in the first episode.

I managed to enjoy the show, which did have some humor, too. And it’s only a few episodes, so not a huge commitment like the Crown. I even hope it returns.

Maybe I’ll do more reviews. But I won’t have so many series to talk about now that I’m feeling almost well.

Can we have ONE crisis-less week, or even day?

That cloud of misfortune over our family is getting too big for its britches. We aren’t looking for constant tranquility, just a bit less ebb and more flow. The inconveniences, illnesses, deaths, and accidents are just piling on.

I picked myself flowers to bring a little nature inside.

Yesterday Lee drove all the way back to where the RV is, because he’d left his wallet. Yep. Made it nearly a week of lots of driving with no wallet. And in this place, you need ID, even if you’re white and straight and look male.

That’s nothing, really. And hey, I’m only slightly sick now. It was an okay day of work and I was looking forward to my 1:1 with my boss when Kathleen called. She never calls when we are both here. Well, she was feeding horses when Drew pinned her against the gate and kicked her right above her hip. Dammit.

Let’s look at pretty plants, not at someone who is hurt.

So I called 911 and got Drew away from her (he had been nuzzling her like horses do when they throw you to the ground—why are you down there?). It didn’t take too long for the guys to arrive. I am not an EMT so I can’t judge, but they didn’t seem very good at getting her on the gurney.

Off she went. I went back to work until I remembered to feed my son’s pets while he’s in the Old Country. At the same time as I realized I didn’t have car keys, FedEx came. Dogs barked as usual. Kept barking as I set boxes down. Were still barking when I got in the car…so I checked on them. Yes, as if animals hadn’t caused enough injuries today, Penney was trying to eat Harvey. He was trying, in his old and unstable way, to fight back. Carlton was trying to break it up. Too much hysteria led to a mess.

By the time I threw my bag at Penney to make her leave, blood was everywhere. No one was mortally wounded, but Harvey gushed a bit. That didn’t last long. Lee had to do a lot of cleaning of wounds and floors while I fed Potato and Dewey, the grandcat and rat. I admit I stayed with them and basked in their calmness and cuteness for a while.

I told myself that things come in threes (not really a believer), so I was happy to discover the third thing was just weird. Right by my car as I was driving to the road, a very large mama cow decided to mount an equally large and thankfully calm bull. That’s some power dynamics.

I wound down at the birding hut, where Nature at last decided to smile on me. I enjoyed watching two sweet-faced heifers checking me out across the fence. They were so graceful and curious. I bet they’ll make wonderful and respectful mama cows.

The good news is that Kathleen is “only” severely bruised and has no broken bones or damaged organs. Since this is the third time Droodles and his boundary issues have caused an injury, he is going to go to another location. There will be a trainer there who will give him the work he needs to be his best and will keep him away from short women or inexperienced people.

Safety first. Four years down the drain. I’m not the right person for him, nor is Kathleen. We are not up to what is needed.

This has not been a fun day. But we handled everything and have made rational decisions. I’m proud of all of the family. I’m not proud of one horse and one particular dog.

I must be a little better

How do I know? I just started singing some old Billy Joel song and it sounded like an alto singer doing the song, not Frankenstein’s monster. Yesterday I surely would have sounded monster-like.

Many exciting events happened today.

I almost opened my mouth all the way
I ate a juicy pear
My ears and salivary glands hurt more than my throat
I thought of writing a catchy pop song to the rhythm of the popping in my ears. Something’s moving around in there.
I was able to laugh a lot with my coworker and family—light-heartedly kidding around is healing

But that’s about all I have for you today. I am patiently healing and not rushing it, as I’ve been encouraged to do.

I’ll emerge a beautiful Suna-esque butterfly as I escape the mystery ailment cocoon.

Maybe I’ll review some television next. Being sick has led to a lot of that, since I can only read so long before my head hurts. (Whine, whine, whine—so many friends have much bigger challenges —I do remember you all.)

Broken Nail? Tea Bags to the Rescue

I wrote up instructions for my group of Color Street nail strip enthusiasts that I thought might be useful for some of my other friends who enjoy medium to long nails. Feel free to share by attribution and link.

I like my nails long, because I have short fingers. I wish I had another set of these strips.

No matter how strong fingernails are, accidents do happen. Sometimes nothing can be done, but more often a nail just breaks a little. Many times, unexpected pressure can cause a little break below the quick that you’d like to have grow out to keep your healthy nail bed covered.

Warning: If you break a fingernail and it bleeds or shows signs of infection, please get it looked at and treat it as a wound, not an inconvenience. Keep it clean and protected so it can heal. Don’t polish an infected nail or cover it with a press-on.

So your nail is healthy but broken and you want to grow it out a bit. That happened to me a couple of months ago (February kidding from the photo below). I looked down, and a straight cut on my left middle finger looked back at me, metaphorically. Of course, all my other nails were looking good. The break was about halfway between the quick and the cuticle, so removing the rest of the nail would have hurt and perhaps damaged my nail.

So, next time I changed my nail color, I protected the break with regular tea bags. You’ll find different kinds of paper holding tea, but they are all little meshes, and those meshes make them strong. They also allow nail polish to soak through them. And one bag lasts months, so you don’t waste tea.

Example

This nail was broken WAY below the quick, as shown above, too) but I’ve managed to grow it out to where it could be clipped. But, once it grew, the tea bags have held like iron. And it’s not very noticeable. The trick has been TWO layers of tea bag.

The poorly drawn arrow shows how far down the break originally was. It has grown out from there.

One layer works fine in many cases, especially on pinkies or if you don’t type and ride horses a lot (me). That’s why I do the following.

Method

2. Tear (do not cut) two pieces of tea bag that will more than cover the break. You don’t want it huge, but large enough to strengthen the broken area. If the break has grown out a bit, one piece should be able to wrap around. The edges will be a little jagged, which seems to help disguise the patch.

2. Put a layer of clear base coat on the nail.

3. Immediately place one of the tea bag pieces centered over the break. Be sure it covers the broken edge, where the patch gets the most pressure.

4. While it’s still wet, press the patch down to make the break area smooth. Yes you’re messing up the base coat, but it gets covered again.

5. Let dry.

6. Add another coat of base coat and place the other layer on it (this should not exactly match the first one, to make it smoother). Press it down. Make sure the tea bag is on smoothly.

You can see the tea bags, but the base coat gives a smooth (ish) surface for your pretty manicure.

7. If the break has grown above the quick, add a bit of base coat under the nail and fold the overlap under and smooth. I press it down with a nail stick. You don’t need much polish, and try to keep it off your finger—not easy.

8. Let it dry.

9. Add one more base layer to smooth the nail.

10. Let it dry.

11. Finally, you can put your strips on or paint your nails.

12. Then add topcoat.

Finished. It helps that it’s black, but honestly I can’t see the repair. This one worked!

Whew. This sounds more complex than it is. And it does take a while to do the drying. But by gosh, that repair sticks. I often find it hard to remove the tea bags when I reapply!

This is last week’s. You can see a little irregularity but only if you look hard.

Hints

I find that when the break is growing out, the repair can loosen, especially for the first few weeks. The break may even get a little bigger. Don’t give up! The layers of mesh and polish usually hold well.

Once past the quick, repairs hold really well. I type for a living, pull weeds, and mess with horses, and I have few problems.

If you have the option, dark or patterned nail colors disguise repairs best.

If a break covers more than half the nail, it’s less likely to successfully repair. Try to buff the area smooth before even trying.

Usually I just grow a break out long enough to trim smoothly, then shorten the rest of my nails, but it’s been fun to grow this one out.

The thumb in this picture is a break I grew out long enough to trim smoothly and cut the other nails down to match.

Additional ideas are welcome; this is just what works for me with fairly strong nails. Repairs are harder on weak nails or ones damaged by gels, dips, lacquers, etc. This I know from experience!

I’m Not Dead and I Do Vote

Do you vote in political elections?

Sorry I’ve been absent. Sick doesn’t really cover it. I was close to (shudder) taking myself to a hospital yesterday when I couldn’t talk at all, kept cutting off my airway with my inflamed throat, and kept salivating like a mini fountain. It was rather unpleasant. This whole illness is a lowlight of my life. Current theory: salivary gland infection. On account of the drooling.

But the question is, do I vote in presidential elections? What do you think?

Well, I know I’m real subtle about my beliefs…oh wait. I got fired by my horse trainer for saying some ICE tactics in Minneapolis were not legal. So, I’m one of those woke people.

We woke people vote. So, I do. Once the person I voted for won and I was so relieved, thinking our national nightmare was over. Nah, just postponed for a while.

That’s what you get when someone on steroids and TWO antibiotics responds to a blog prompt.

It’s not all bad. The nephew gave me get-well flowers and an apple fritter.

Slept a Lot. No Better.

While over-the-counter pain meds enabled me to get through the day, the antibiotics haven’t put a dent in my throat pain. I got the news that my thyroid is fine. Of course that’s good news, but that leaves me back not knowing what the heck is wrong. I’m very impatient with illness.

I did get outside to check the mail and saw lemon beebalm starting to bloom.

At least I didn’t miss horse stuff, since there was light rain most of the day. For that I’m grateful.

I had many meetings today, but napped in between. Tomorrow is not quite as bad as that, and if I don’t feel better, I’ll go back to the doctor for an ENT appointment or something. Ugh.

I’ll try to be interesting tomorrow.