What do you do to be involved in the community?
I used to try my best to be involved in the community near which I live. (Is that English?) I discovered that it can be difficult to do good where you’re new and different. So in the end, I’ve devolved to doing one community outreach activity and participating in two groups of people with similar interests. That’s plenty, and at least so far, I’m still welcome in these groups.
Obviously, I enjoy being a Texas Master Naturalist, though being President during COVID wasn’t fun. I love being able to talk to folks about our shared interests, learn about nature, and teach others. While it has its bureaucratic aspects, as organizations do, it hasn’t turn into a mean girls cult like the nonprofit I used to be involved in, and it’s not so “woke” that it turns into bullying, like the denomination I was once a member of. So far, so scientific.
The horse community I’m a part of now is another way I’m involved. We are supportive of each other and get along well, in spite of differences. I especially love how young people and elders are both respected and valued here. It’s a small but mighty community free of elitism and rampant competition. We all want to learn!
Other community things I do include hanging out with mostly like-minded friends once a week and patronizing local businesses. It feels good to help keep shops and restaurants going in a small town!
The bad experiences I had with a couple local groups were disappointing at the time, but you can’t force people to like you or want to work with you. It reminds me of a Facebook post I saw today where someone points out that you can’t control your reputation – it’s someone else’s view of you. But you can control your character – it’s who you really are. With my odd personality, I’m a hard person to like, but I try hard to be a good person.
The bad experiences I’ve had when I tried to fit in shouldn’t have surprised me but they did. Hmm.
At first, when I found out how I was viewed by some folks in the community and was asked not to represent a business I thought I was part of, I was hurt. When I was bypassed after offering my services to a community group, it stung. And when a fellow board member verbally attacked me and tried to harm family member’s reputations, but no one on the board defended me or tried to keep me from resigning, I was shocked. But these were good lessons to learn. To reiterate: you can’t make anyone like you. And it’s fine.
Now that I pick my involvement more carefully and don’t attach my self worth into belonging to anything, I feel more free to give what I can. Devolvement did me a lot of good.
(My mental health has been better than it is right now, so pardon the negativity I’m spewing. I blame all the rain.)
The Hermits' Rest 
You’d think that people could stop acting like it’s high school. Petty power struggles are usually about the other person’s insecurities…but that doesn’t make it easier to accept.Being perceived as an outsider only compounds it, too. My experience has shown small towns and rural areas to be the most difficult. Suburban and city spots have more turnover of people who come from many different places, and are (generally speaking) a bit more comfortable with new ideas. I admire how you persevere anyway, not letting the smaller-minded people win! Over time, a few folks will discover that you’re a person they can trust and work with…and they may even mention that to others. Don’t let them crush your loving spirit! Easier said than done, of course. I like seeing the communities you’ve become involved with and how you’ve contributed and learned. That’s a brave move!
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Thank goodness I’m at the acceptance stage. There ARE some great folks where I live now.
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