Ramblings – The Hermits' Rest

I sure don’t like uncertainty

There’s so much uncertainty out in the greater society where I have absolutely no control over what happens. Because of this, I like to have a wee bit of assurance about what’s happening in my little sphere of influence.

Otherwise I’d be hiding on the porch with this beauty.

Do I realize that’s asking for a lot? Oh, yes I do! Many of my friends and neighbors don’t have the luxury of making choices, having a plan with a chance of working out, or having a say in their relationships. I’ve been there myself, which has much to do with why I treasure this phase of my life.

All I have to worry about is what color to do my nails.

Still, the past couple of days tested my ability to not freak out when unexpected events threaten my future planning. You see, I have been enjoying myself a bit these last few months. I have allowed myself to buy too many pens and stickers, many t-shirts, and eyeglasses. I did this knowing I’m putting a third of my income into a 401K, building up liquid savings, and maintaining no credit card debt. I was confident that I have another six months of income before I have to go into retirement poverty.

Yesterday my boss told me she’d gotten a call saying I wouldn’t be working with her after the end of this month. We both thought arrangements had been made with another group so I could keep going. It turned out calls were not returned, blah blah.

BUT. I only got panicky for a few minutes. After that I figured that something would work out if everyone talked to each other. Sure enough, especially as it was identified that our project would probably fail if I was not there through the end of the year, leadership did leader-like things and suddenly the contract was back to ending in December. My uncertainty is diminished. I have a plan again, at least until the next unexpected turn of events!

I’ll go off and breathe again now. I’ve done a lot of that this evening. At one point, Kathleen and I were standing on the porch reveling in the stiff wind blowing rain clouds everywhere but over our house. We both needed the freshness.

I’m so fortunate and grateful for my life, home, family, community, and work!

Figuring out how you feel is the first step

I didn’t know how to write about this yesterday, because I was having a hard time sorting out my conflicting emotions along with conflicts between rational thought and emotional attachment. Truth be told, I’m not much better about it, but I ought to finish the tale of little Benny, the dog who came in from the storms.

You may recall that after we returned him to his official home, he showed up three more times. Remember, he is a small chiweenie dog and lives 2.8 miles away. The last time he arrived was last Friday. We decided to let him hang out until his people asked for him back.

So, we fed him and endured his love affair with Carlton along with marking various spots with copious pee. He was a typical intact male dog. He was also very happy, friendly, and easygoing. We started to get used to him.

Here he is, fitting in. Wanting to be top dog.

Finally, on Memorial Day, his teen guardian asked if we’d seen him. I said he’d been here quite a while. No word until 5 pm, when she said her parents would come get him. I didn’t know how I felt about giving a dog back to someone who hadn’t even asked about him for three days. I still don’t know.

But, we sent the nephew out to meet them, since he knew them from when he was renovating Anita’s house and that family lived next door. His mission was to act tough and find out if they had a credible explanation. About an hour after they showed up, he came back in the house without Benny. Apparently most of the family was out of town and the teen left home to supervise “thought his parents had taken Benny with him.” (Quotes indicate I’m dubious.)

The parent said he would be fine letting us keep Benny, but the teen girl would be sad (and I predict would be at our house “visiting” all the time. Plus, he vowed that he’d fix their broken fence and take Benny in to get neutered so he won’t make puppies with their two unspayed Frenchies. The nephew believed them enough to send Benny home. I accept that, since I asked him to handle it (and I’m grateful).

I was surprised to find myself sort of sad. I know we do not need more dogs and would have to neuter him. But I liked him. Now that a couple of days have passed, I still wait for him to come through the dog door immediately after Carlton. And Carlton? I think he also missed his buddy but is glad the constant humping and licking have stopped.

I’m just hoping that giving him back was the right thing to do. I agree it’s their dog. But I want him safe. I guess the lesson I learned from this is that sometimes you just have to accept discomfort and a lack of closure. There simply may be no way to know what the best decision is.

Nice sunset, even if it doesn’t show the prettiest view of the ranch.

Other tidbits: dudes came by to figure out how much the new gutters will cost so we can get hooked up to the water storage tanks. I’m a bit disappointed that the only shade of red is more like the left shipping container above. Our current gutters are like the right shipping container. That’s okay. Most important is that they do the job.

Attractive hummingbird conveniently shows a current gutter and a water tank.

I still have more deep thoughts but will save them for tomorrow.

A little processing break

I’ve been thinking about things that I need to work on to keep making progress on becoming my true and authentic self as much as possible. I did an interesting tarot reading tonight, thanks to a great spread Cat Dancing made for our group. I’m still thinking about it.

I’m also still processing how Benny the dog went back to his old house. Not sure how I feel about it.

So I’ll try to pull it all together for tomorrow. I’m also thinking about the consequences of some very important runoff elections in Texas. Not sure if cheering is appropriate.

I don’t want it all

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I’m no longer even thinking about having it all. I just want enough. I want my family safe, a supportive community, a comfortable home, and enough to eat. I guess having it all would be all the above plus access to healthy food, natural beauty, and animal companions. Yarn, too. And books.

Alfred is glad to be our animal companion.

I have these things. I’m very privileged. I want these things for everyone in the world. It’s attainable but not with the distribution of wealth around the world. What a frustrating situation. I’m glad there are people smarter than me trying to find ways to change our oligarchy. What I can do is help others when I can. My job makes that easier than it once was. I’m grateful.

Truly, it’s only really having it all if “all” is available to everyone, no exceptions. Even people we don’t like.

Humor break. Many of these mushrooms are coming up right now. From a distance it looks like a field of tampons.

I’m not up to writing much about today. The highlight was killing plants, so that tells you something. But before I eliminated the growth in the pool patio, I did my best to rescue as many portulaca plants from the racks between stones as possible. I think some will make it.

Geez. I care about my phone.

What personal belongings do you hold most dear?

Why do I hold my phone dear? It is my memory. It contains all my photos, all my communication with friends, access to my memories in the blog…and yes, I can get to all those things from my laptop. Yuck. I think I hold some bits and bytes or whatever cloud storage is made of. That’s really depressing. What else do I hold dear? Things made by my loved ones. My mom and stepmom’s art. Dad’s woodcraft stuff. Gifts they gave me. Things that tie me to them.

New thought: I’ve started letting myself write in incomplete sentences! They’ll soon be taking away my Grammar Police badge. My take is that the incomplete sentences are not as unpleasant as those two blogs I dictated and then was too woozy to properly review. Poor Sue had to endure proofreading that. I don’t pay her well enough for that! (I do not pay Sue; she’s just nice.)

Another part of the phone I love is the camera. I was at a Master Naturalist outing at my friend Carolyn’s place, which I’ve showed you before. I got some images I really liked there. I don’t need to show you all 125 species or 25 birds I recorded, but I want to share a few for those of you who always want more nature pictures.

Purple Pleatleaf (***Alophia drummondii)***

This one was new to me. It’s an evening primrose that grows five feet tall. Wow.

Four point evening primrose (***Oenothera rhombipetala)***

And here are a few more plants.

We also saw lots of animal life. There was more than I expected, especially the suspiciously friendly raccoon. But it’s harmless.

Other animal news? No one’s come looking for Benny. He’s still over here trying to hump Carlton.

Balancing Act

How do you balance work and home life?

I do know many people who have a large a hard time balancing their work and their home life. It’s really easy to check your email before or after your hours of work or just check to see what’s going on in the work chat. Or maybe, just maybe, you’ve got all sorts of ideas and you want to get them down before you forget them. I get it. Work just intrudes on us no matter how hard we try not to let it.

Mr. Bullfrog wants to know if you can tell I tried dictating this post. I sure can. Yuck.

The good news is I’m really lucky. I’m a contract worker and have been for most of my working life. That means I’m only supposed to work 40 hours a week, and I’m only going to get paid for 40 hours a week, and no one expects me to put in extra time just because, you know, I’m getting paid the big bucks. While it’s true I don’t get paid vacations or paid holidays, I do get to stop after eight hours a day. Plus, the way it is right now I am working in Pacific time that gives me time in the morning to enjoy birds or sit and enjoy coffee or hang out with the horses. And there’s still enough time in the evening to do my chores, walk around and see what’s happening, especially in the summer when there’s lots of daylight. So, yeah I work when I’m working and I don’t work when I’m not working. That seems to be the best way to balance your work and your life.

I’m glad I have both work and home life. Each is important.

I’ve been thinking about other balances today. Some friends of mine are going through some hard stuff. If you have a moment, think of my friend Anita, who has lost a long-term animal, Friend, and some other folks, I know who are having trouble with their families and have no option, but to just get through it. That’s hard to get past. Things will swing back into balance, though sometimes it takes quite a while.

And it’s hard to see past all the distractions to find the positives.

Not dwelling on what’s bad and not only thinking about the good things like some sort of Pollyanna person seems to be the best way to keep a balance. That’s why I like living in the moment and noticing the small things that happen. Out here at the ranch we are going to see life and death and everything in between, but it helps us remember that that’s all part of life and all to be treasured.

Like Gulf fritillaries. All are ephemeral treasures.

Here is a bonus funny story from the day. The UPS man came as he often does right before I was supposed to have a meeting. The dogs were barking and barking and barking. Once again, it wasn’t the UPS man that they were barking at oh no. There was a squirrel on the front porch. All I know is that I heard a yelp and Alfred was limping. The squirrel disappeared. UPS man hopefully pointed out. Hey there’s a squirrel on your front porch. I agreed.

I took all the packages and things inside and figured this squirrel was gone and really hoped it wasn’t hurt. Naturally my coworker felt the need to point out to me that squirrels don’t usually do weird things like run up on the front porch so maybe it was sick and giving my dogs rabies or whatever. Thanks Keaton.

My meeting with Keaton lasted about an hour so I went outside to see if I could find the squirrel. Kathleen also went outside a couple of to see if she could find the squirrel. She never noticed it but I spotted a little fuzzy tail, hiding behind a storage container on the porch. There was no way a dog could get to it. But it didn’t look like that squirrel was planning on going anywhere anytime soon, either. I checked on it two or three more times and one time I saw it a little foot sticking up and another time I saw a little nose. It was so cute.

Finally, when Lee was feeding the dogs, we locked the outside door so the dogs couldn’t get out and Kathleen and I managed to move the big container the squirrel was hiding behind. The minute that space was opened the squirrel took off like a rocket. It was not hurt. We were relieved. I’m also relieved that the vet comes on Wednesday and she’ll let me know if any of the dogs look like they’re developing rabies. Alfred is no longer limping and no one else seems any worse for wear. I did find it funny that none of the dogs were smelling the squirrel where it was hiding. Maybe squirrels have some sort of odor disguiser in them. I don’t know.

It was real windy today and last night but the new fig tree made it. I’m happy to say I’ve had a whole day with a fig tree. Every day with a fig tree is a good day, because my last fig tree died a horrible death when many many grasshoppers attacked it. This is not a grasshopper year, though, it’s a mud dauber year and mud daubers do not care anything for trees. Yay.

All right. You all have a good work life balance yourselves, and I will probably be back tomorrow.

PS: I texted my boss right after I finished writing this post. Not very good at doing what I say I do, am I?

We all make sacrifices

What sacrifices have you made in life?

I don’t think anyone I know hasn’t made sacrifices, mainly since I’m no longer hanging around with people who think of no one but themselves. I’m also fairly sure that many sacrifices have positive outcomes. For example, the sacrifice I made to stay home with my sons when they were young ended up leading to meeting so many lifelong friends and my career path. So maybe it wasn’t a sacrifice; it was a good decision.

Maybe I sacrificed a dream to send Drew away, but we are all calmer now.

That’s the thing. Most of the “sacrifices” I’ve made no longer bother me. I honestly don’t feel like dwelling on them. One thing is I wish I had been able to travel overseas when I was younger. But the money was needed for other important things, like college educations and helping out family members. And now that we might have the means to travel to other countries, Lee won’t fly.

If I’m home, I can see when new plants bloom. Violet Ruellia has started.

Not traveling as much lets us invest in our home, though. I’m looking forward to some of the improvements we’ve been discussing, like finishing the pool house and getting the water tanks working. Admittedly, getting more grass in the horse pastures means fewer spectacular wildflowers, but I can sacrifice some of them if we can get native grasses.

We have to save some for the butterflies, like this variegated fritillary.

Everything’s really okay. We can each sacrifice something for the good of us all, at least here. Finding acceptance of how things are has truly made my life happier.

We planted the fig tree in time for more rain. I just hope the wind doesn’t break it.

Weird thing about grief

I’m grieving the fact that my horse Drew has gone to greener pastures (literally, east Texas, where it’s damp). I’m grateful for all the very kind words from many of you. It will just take me a few days to feel more centered.

At least I’m happy that I got my fig tree that friends were holding for me. Yay Figgy.

Today reminded me of something I’ve noticed before when I experienced grief. I get really accident prone. This is apparently a known consequence of grieving, in addition to memory lapses and decreased spatial senses (thanks AI). I didn’t put 2 and 2 together and figure out why I was so “off” today until this evening. Now I get it.

Like this mushroom, I’m not quite right.

Nothing bad happened, I just had odd accidents. For example, I was operating the gate to go to the garage and somehow got my thumbnail stuck in the link of a chain in the locking mechanism. That caused me to drop the can of Precious Coke Zero I was carrying. I extricated myself without breaking my freshly painted nail. But when I got into the Jeep to go get Figgy, I foolishly opened the can. Soda all over my clean jeans. Sigh.

I later dropped the phone (it’s fine) and scratched myself on the gate to the chickens. At least I got two eggs today!

And finally, after serving myself some comfort ice cream, I sat down to eat it, and it all plopped out of the bowl onto my cute shirt and the already soda-stained jeans. Sheesh.

I have heard that horses “grieve” the loss of a herd member. I wonder if the remaining four here are grieving or having the most relaxed day in years? I’m not sure. I did ride Apache today, as you could guess from the photo above. He’s getting back into the swing of things again, though being sick hasn’t helped the progress. He did great in the round pen today, but as soon as I walked him out of it, he did an Apache fit and I thought he was going to buck his way back to the barn. But, ha! I remembered the one-rein stop. He stopped.

He had a look on his face like he was very disappointed I remembered how to do that. And I competently got him to follow or lead Dusty and Kathleen around the outside of the pen until he quit thinking about exiting. At least Tarrin taught me something!

My vision for the future. So many chickadees.

Things will improve, I’m sure. We got some good rain this evening. And I got through another Mother’s Day burying my grief over my estranged son. It helped that my other son remembered me and so did my bonus daughter up near Dallas (two weeks until her son is due!).

Oops. The weather service just called. Big storm coming. Lee is bringing Figgy inside the screened porch!

All that sick time had one benefit

Being ill last weekend meant all I could do was sit around and watch television. I hurt too much to read or do crafts. Thanks to all that watching, I can pass on my recommendations to you. That’s the benefit.

(Note that no animals harmed any people or other animals today. Both Kathleen and Harvey are taking it easy and trying to heal.)

Harvey, poor old guy. He’s a mess. But remarkably cheerful. At least this angle shows no injuries.

So, what has Suna been watching?

The Crown. Lee and I had low expectations for this, especially since he is not a royalist at all. I did have to explain who people were to him (my English roots make me slightly interested in the monarchy). I now understand all those awards that went to the actors. Most of them did an eerily accurate representation of the people they were playing. There were three main casts, representing the family of QE2 at different ages. The only ones who weren’t super accurate (to me) were the final Charles and Harry. All the Dianas were so realistic, as were the queens.

My favorite parts of the series (other than scenes of England, interiors of palaces, fancy horses, and old English cars) were interactions with the characters. You ended up seeing how each of them ended up with their quirks. I didn’t feel like they made anyone out to be more saintly or awful than anyone else. I was even able to drum up a little sympathy for Margaret Thatcher and Queen Camilla. They were all pretty sad people except maybe Prince William and Kate.

The series is a great introduction to 20th century history in the form of a soap opera/travelogue. The only parts I didn’t like were when dead people started showing up and chatting with the living. My conclusion is I’m glad I’m not a member of that family. I also concluded that after watching Victoria. Combine those two shows and you have 200 years of English history class.

Now put on your tinfoil hat! (From Pexels)

Resident Alien. You know how much I have needed to laugh lately. This show is guaranteed to make you laugh, if you have a certain sense of humor. Everyone on this show is a fine actor and all the characters are built out to be realistic, believable people, even though they are very funny. This show is hilarious. We have to stop the television to laugh sometimes. The alien is played by Alan Tudyk, who is always good at playing weird guys, but he doesn’t dominate. It’s an ensemble. The science fiction aspect of the show gives it some drama (more as the shot goes on), but I’m just in it for the laughs.

The two children in the show are both great. But the little girl is a force of nature. She wore her tinfoil under her hijab, which made me laugh so hard. It’s a relief to have a Muslim character who’s so genuine.

The Fall and Rose of Reggie Dinkins. This is the kind of show Lee hates, where much of the comedy derives from someone being incredibly obtuse and kind of awful, but succeeds anyway. However, it was developed by Tina Fey and has actors I find funny (and Harry Potter!). I also laugh a lot at this one, even though it’s silly and totally unrealistic. I mean, Tracy Morgan as an ex football player is ridiculous right from the start. I do like the “family dynamic” where Reggie’s ex-wife and fiancée end up getting along, and both characters are more than stereotypes. For a network comedy, it’s not bad. Just don’t expect Shakespeare.

Image break: creeping cucumber growing on the chicken pens, the only photo I took today other than Harvey .

The Madison. Back to drama. Don’t laugh, but this is my first Taylor Sheridan show. I’m not good at jumping on bandwagons, so I skipped all the Yellowstone stuff. If I want to see cowboys, I just go to the Mexican restaurant at lunchtime. However, I started watching this with Kathleen and kept going whenever Lee was upstairs binding books or analyzing his vital statistics for his journal (his journal is very thorough).

I literally just found out what he Taylor Sheridan looks like. That’s a rugged and manly fellow. Photo by Michael Buckner.

I got all distracted there for a second. So manly. As for the show, it’s an entire collection of episodes about how sad and messed up a bunch of New York rich folk are after the rich family patriarch dies while returning from a visit to his rugged and manly ranch in Wyoming, Montana, or somewhere like that. Nonetheless, the scenery and soundtrack are fantastic. If they just took the whiny people out and left the scenery and rugged manly soon-to-be-dead men fishing, I’d still have watched it.

Seriously, though, you do see a lot of personal growth, introspection, and learning in the Madison, especially in Michelle Pfeiffer as Madison. She’s a good poetic sniffler. And I was happy that good old rugged and manly Kurt Russell doesn’t disappear after dying in the first episode.

I managed to enjoy the show, which did have some humor, too. And it’s only a few episodes, so not a huge commitment like the Crown. I even hope it returns.

Maybe I’ll do more reviews. But I won’t have so many series to talk about now that I’m feeling almost well.

Broken Nail? Tea Bags to the Rescue

I wrote up instructions for my group of Color Street nail strip enthusiasts that I thought might be useful for some of my other friends who enjoy medium to long nails. Feel free to share by attribution and link.

I like my nails long, because I have short fingers. I wish I had another set of these strips.

No matter how strong fingernails are, accidents do happen. Sometimes nothing can be done, but more often a nail just breaks a little. Many times, unexpected pressure can cause a little break below the quick that you’d like to have grow out to keep your healthy nail bed covered.

Warning: If you break a fingernail and it bleeds or shows signs of infection, please get it looked at and treat it as a wound, not an inconvenience. Keep it clean and protected so it can heal. Don’t polish an infected nail or cover it with a press-on.

So your nail is healthy but broken and you want to grow it out a bit. That happened to me a couple of months ago (February kidding from the photo below). I looked down, and a straight cut on my left middle finger looked back at me, metaphorically. Of course, all my other nails were looking good. The break was about halfway between the quick and the cuticle, so removing the rest of the nail would have hurt and perhaps damaged my nail.

So, next time I changed my nail color, I protected the break with regular tea bags. You’ll find different kinds of paper holding tea, but they are all little meshes, and those meshes make them strong. They also allow nail polish to soak through them. And one bag lasts months, so you don’t waste tea.

Example

This nail was broken WAY below the quick, as shown above, too) but I’ve managed to grow it out to where it could be clipped. But, once it grew, the tea bags have held like iron. And it’s not very noticeable. The trick has been TWO layers of tea bag.

The poorly drawn arrow shows how far down the break originally was. It has grown out from there.

One layer works fine in many cases, especially on pinkies or if you don’t type and ride horses a lot (me). That’s why I do the following.

Method

2. Tear (do not cut) two pieces of tea bag that will more than cover the break. You don’t want it huge, but large enough to strengthen the broken area. If the break has grown out a bit, one piece should be able to wrap around. The edges will be a little jagged, which seems to help disguise the patch.

2. Put a layer of clear base coat on the nail.

3. Immediately place one of the tea bag pieces centered over the break. Be sure it covers the broken edge, where the patch gets the most pressure.

4. While it’s still wet, press the patch down to make the break area smooth. Yes you’re messing up the base coat, but it gets covered again.

5. Let dry.

6. Add another coat of base coat and place the other layer on it (this should not exactly match the first one, to make it smoother). Press it down. Make sure the tea bag is on smoothly.

You can see the tea bags, but the base coat gives a smooth (ish) surface for your pretty manicure.

7. If the break has grown above the quick, add a bit of base coat under the nail and fold the overlap under and smooth. I press it down with a nail stick. You don’t need much polish, and try to keep it off your finger—not easy.

8. Let it dry.

9. Add one more base layer to smooth the nail.

10. Let it dry.

11. Finally, you can put your strips on or paint your nails.

12. Then add topcoat.

Finished. It helps that it’s black, but honestly I can’t see the repair. This one worked!

Whew. This sounds more complex than it is. And it does take a while to do the drying. But by gosh, that repair sticks. I often find it hard to remove the tea bags when I reapply!

This is last week’s. You can see a little irregularity but only if you look hard.

Hints

I find that when the break is growing out, the repair can loosen, especially for the first few weeks. The break may even get a little bigger. Don’t give up! The layers of mesh and polish usually hold well.

Once past the quick, repairs hold really well. I type for a living, pull weeds, and mess with horses, and I have few problems.

If you have the option, dark or patterned nail colors disguise repairs best.

If a break covers more than half the nail, it’s less likely to successfully repair. Try to buff the area smooth before even trying.

Usually I just grow a break out long enough to trim smoothly, then shorten the rest of my nails, but it’s been fun to grow this one out.

The thumb in this picture is a break I grew out long enough to trim smoothly and cut the other nails down to match.

Additional ideas are welcome; this is just what works for me with fairly strong nails. Repairs are harder on weak nails or ones damaged by gels, dips, lacquers, etc. This I know from experience!