Ramblings – The Hermits' Rest

Why Didn’t I Call off My Wedding?

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

Short version: after a series of ill-advised relationships I accepted the first proposal of marriage I received. I should have stopped the wedding, apologized, and concentrated on my studies. But no, I just went along with it, because I thought I was expected to.

Why did I get married to this boy (he was only 23 years old)?

He was beautiful, with black hair and huge, almond/shaped blue eyes.
He was fun to hang out with and liked to do things outdoors.
I loved his dear Cajun family very much and didn’t want to lose them.
I felt very unattractive, unlikeable, and like i was a disappointment to my family and colleagues.
He was great at sex—I confused sex with love during my late teens and 20s. Tsk tsk.
I was terrified of being left all alone, having lost my mother and my first love just a few years before—the abandonment issues I struggled with the first part of my life were the underlying reason I did that.

Why shouldn’t I have married that young man?

Desperation is not a reason to get married
Sadness over the loss of a relationship is not a great reason to form a legal bond
I didn’t realize he was looking for me to replace his mother, who in his mind had abandoned him when she divorced his dad. In reality both his parents were much happier with their second spouses. He did not see this.
He viewed me as a helpful cook, financial assistant, and sex partner until he could go into international finance in Europe, without me.
He kept giving me yeast infections and blamed me for it. Nope. He had a very entrenched yeast issue.
I needed therapy before I could be a good spouse.

What could have helped?

My family could have told me how much they disliked him. Only later did I learn they called him “the iguana” (not sure why, maybe his eyes looked lizardly?)
His damn family could have taken me aside and told me he was more messed up than I was about abandonment.
I could have found a good therapist. He could have, too.

Dad later informed me the fellow was an asshole. Thanks, Dad.

In any case, I came to my senses quickly. He got his MBA that I helped him get and I got a very inexpensive divorce, since we owned no property and were amicable. I drove him to his new job in Detroit and never heard from him again. He passed away from testicular cancer a few years ago. He had a happy later marriage, which was good.

Ow, let’s note that if I hadn’t made that mistake, I wouldn’t have gotten the job that led me to another job where I met my kids’ dad, who moved me to Texas then left me for someone pretty and athletic, which made me get the job where I met Lee. So, life has its way of teaching its lessons, and if you keep working on yourself, you might end up content after all.

If I hadn’t have gone through all that, I wouldn’t have my living weed-eater! Here, Apache helps with the Johnson grass problem.

Oh, Social Media

How do you use social media?

It’s fashionable to declare one’s sweeping disdain for social media and disgust at all its flaws. People who enjoy their favorite apps are looked down upon by those who choose to abstain. I’m not sure the disdain is warranted. After all, you’re reading social media right now, and no one’s nefariously trying to steal your information or convert you into believing some propaganda.

That’s my point. It’s not all bad, nor am I so naive as to think social media is an entirely benign way of sharing information, either. All media have the potential open your mind to new horizons, educate you, or lead you astray, depending on circumstances. Just as with books, magazines, newspapers, radio, television, movies, etc., caution and common sense help distinguish between what’s appropriate and what’s not.

And that’s what I try to do. Just as I select reading material carefully, I choose social media outlets that meet my needs, and put others aside. I admit to strongly disliking Tik Tok or anything featuring frenetic and loud videos. If you enjoy it, I’m not going to look down on you! (I might frown a bit if you are a big Truth Social fan, but hey, I’m a well known left-leaning individual.)

Over the years, I have managed to select among blogs, Substacks, websites, and (a very few) YouTube channels that bring me interesting perspectives, knowledge about topics I love (yarn, horses, birds, the world). I rarely run into offensive content because I choose carefully and only take recommendations from people I trust.

Ladybug larva (it rained lightly all day, which didn’t provide many photo opportunities)

Facebook, which people seem to love or hate, is mostly a safe place for me, because I take care to be friends with and follow kind, smart, and funny people and institutions. I do have friends from many backgrounds and with whom I disagree on important topics. The ones who aren’t respectful to me and my friends don’t last long, as are people who expect me to tiptoe around their beliefs. I’m done with that kind of prison.

I love hearing from friends and family who I don’t get to see often, and I appreciate the perspectives I get from people who are smarter than me. This makes Facebook a positive part of my life, though I acknowledge that the way too accurately targeted ads and unneeded AI stories do make for less pleasure. Scrolling past that stuff quickly has become an art form.

Of course, social media gives me pleasure because I can contribute my thoughts and feelings to share with others. Believe it or not, I don’t share everything, just things I hope my friends and followers would enjoy. It makes me happiest when things I write get people talking to each other or sharing their own ideas.

There’s no way I’ll ever be a social media star, which is good, since I haven’t wanted to be famous since I was very young and didn’t know the consequences of fame. Shudder. I just want to be a friendly (if opinionated) voice who sounds like a real woman pondering about issues and observing the beauty in the world. That’s what I do with social media.

Also I am not fond of hashtags. Random factoid.

I’m Reminded Not to Make Generalizations

You know how you sometimes say, “I can’t stand X,” or, “I hate Y?” I need to remember not to do that. Generalizations like that have a tendency to be proven wrong all too often.

I’m pretty sure I find all mushrooms interesting I think it’s an ink cap.

Example: I know I’ve said many times that I “hate” hush puppies. To me they are lumps of mush deep-fried into hot, brown rocks. Their goal is to fill you up so the restaurant doesn’t have to serve you so many shrimp. Or, so I say.

I do love this kind of puppy. Photo from Pexels.

This evening, I was reminded that not all hush puppies are the same. The ones made by the master of the pup, my fellow Master Naturalist Alan, are something else altogether.

They are golden brown, with a light but crunchy exterior that leads to an explosion of the creamy, moist flavor of green onions, corn, and magic. I had three of them tonight, and I didn’t care if it meant I ate less of the freshly fried catfish and bass.

Obviously, I made a sweeping generalization about hush puppies, and I was wrong. So remember the next time you say you hate some category of people or things, some shining example may well cause you to eat your words. Or your fried cornmeal product.

Um. I’ve also been known to disparage all fried food. Wrong again.

Best and Worst Pets?

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Dang, I wish I had more time to answer this one, but I’ve got a very early meeting tomorrow, so I’ll have to be brief.

Nota bene: the best and worst pets will differ depending on the person’s age, living situation, and personality. Thus, I’ll answer for myself.

Best: for me, I want a pet who likes me back, who communicates well, and who fits in with my life. That’s going to be a dog. Dogs are great companions, aren’t too expensive (unless you have five and one’s on liver medicine), are affectionate, and you can talk to them and they kind of listen.

Cats are okay, but I’m not sure they really like people all that much. Horses are great, but they have to live outside and are expensive, especially when you have five and one’s on metabolism medicine. I enjoy fish and birds, but I feel like they’d rather be outside. I do not want to confine an animal who doesn’t like being with humans.

Worst: for me the worst pet is a wild animal, especially the really smart ones who deserve to make their own choices. I also don’t like pets you can’t interact with. No pet insects for me.

Medium; pets like poultry, cattle, sheep, and goats are ok. I’m not going to eat a pet, though. I have to admit it’s fun to watch these domesticated animals, and some of them are pretty friendly. If you have space and funds to care for them, they’re fine, so I’m glad I can enjoy my chickens and turkeys.

Off to sleep. Enjoy whatever pets you have.

Keep Moving On

That’s what I tell myself when I get overwhelmed or frustrated. Just keep moving. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other seems hard. I have a notion that we all feel like it’s hard to keep moving sometimes. I’m glad I’m to the point where it’s not too often.

There are always thorns or other obstacles on our paths! These are thistles.

Today was one of those days. I was just wondering why I was making so much effort. Maybe I was just coming down from all that self-help book energy. I stood on the porch and looked out at the nice, full pond, took a few deep breaths, and decided I’d get back to moving forward…tomorrow.

Today I mostly crocheted, watched a variety of television shows, ranging from the rather crude Ted (Seth McFarland humor at its crudest) to art history and a documentary about lobsters. Meanwhile, Kathleen cooked a fine traditional Easter dinner, and I provided wine. I’m not much of a helper.

I’d have had more blogging time if we hadn’t reached the end of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The final episode was very long, since it had to neatly end many story lines and “regale” us with endless battle scenes. That may have been the next-to-last episode. I get bored watching tiny model ships pretend to explode and shoot rays of various colors. Actually I knit, crochet, or read during battle scenes of all kinds. I like character development.

No reason for this photo except I still can’t believe the false dandelions this year.

On that tangent, I’ll take my leave so I can drive back down to the Austin suburbs for a visit with the dentist. That’s just the start of a long couple of weeks!

Sure, I’ve Changed since Covid

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Since I’m avoiding telling other people’s stories and not much is going on with me, I welcomed this question. It gave me a chance to evaluate what’s changed, my struggles to adapt, and the positive and negative results.

I found one sad, small wine cup today. Usually we have quite a few. Hope the prediction of rain soon is correct.

Positive: the people we were staying with and became our “pod” are still with us much of the time. We have gone through significant ups and downs, misunderstandings, illnesses, and job changes, but we now support each other and have learned to deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies. There are a lot of idiosyncrasies to go around, but the fact that we’ve made it through a series of pretty impressive challenges and remain supportive says a lot about me, Lee, Kathleen, and Chris. We’ve done a lot of growing and changing for the better.

Another positive that didn’t feel that way at the time is that I finally figured out how to lose my conception of what was happening in my life and keep living in the moment rather than dwelling on the losses. There was a period when I realized friendships and family relationships weren’t what I thought they were. That hurt. And thanks to Covid I lost my beautiful workspace I’d put so much effort into and didn’t get to fully enjoy living in Austin in my beautiful house. I had to leave by the time we were no longer masked and distant.

But I got through it all. It may not have been pretty, and my heart broke and rebroke, but I came out so much stronger and more resilient. I have a much more accurate perspective on the people around me, friends, colleagues, and society.

Covid truly taught me that attaining personal growth, gaining wisdom, and developing inner strength is a journey that does not end. I’m better prepared now, though.

A negative is that I’m still not comfortable being in large groups where people might cough all over me. It doesn’t help that the only time I actually got the disease was after flying to a vacation. I have to fly again week after next. I have come to terms with the fact that there are germs out there. I do still have to live my life (and symptoms of the virus I got when I went to that event recently are finally almost gone).

Covid has kept me and Lee even more hermit-like, though I do a few things, still! And Lee goes grocery shopping where there are many people, something I avoid these days.

My favorite positive to come out of COVID is that I don’t have to commute to work and can stay here at the Hermits’ Rest or even work from campsites. At first I really missed being with coworkers, but now I’m so happy that I can be home where it’s less distracting (other than dogs) and work with so many people around the world. Thank goodness for online meetings! And when I quit, I can go hug a turkey, pet a horse, or go for a hike.

I think my life changed for the better, even considering the downsides. I’m sure a lot less anxious (as long as I do deep breathing during the news).

Happy April! Here’s 1/3 of the year’s temperature blanket, featuring the hottest March ever.

Weird Illness Symptom

I have a virus or bad allergies since yesterday. Not horrible, but my throat hurts and I’m tired. I do seem to have one off symptom, though. I remember things in the wrong color. What?

Lee brought home a loaner vehicle while my car was getting serviced. It was very nice and looked very much like my car. More than once I referred to it as the black car. It was quite white. Just as white as my car (but sadly lacking the snazzy red interior).

My car, which looks like half the cars on the road today.

I also mentioned the pink book I was reading. I went to bed and saw the deer book and the next book on my nightstand. Both are green.

Yes, I’m reading a popular self-help book about a topic I’ve already been working on. This kind of book serves as a good reminder.

I do think the color thing has a non-viral source!

That’s all I have for you, friends. I took NyQuil, so the zzzzzz is calling.

Bored of Self

I’m only writing to keep a blogging streak going. I was so boring yesterday that only 36 people visited the site. It’s a good reason I just like to hear myself talk, or read my writing, or something. And I’m only going to get more and more boring if I keep working so many hours.

I’ll still try to take a few nice photos when I can get outside.

To put a positive spin on things, if I’m being boring, it means I’m not letting outside events upset me, I’m enjoying my family/pets, and my dull hobbies are satisfying me.

So if you got this far, feel free to suggest something interesting to write about, or I’ll do the wise thing and not blog until I have something blog worthy.

This could be a painting, too. So many greens.

PS: don’t watch Lost in Space (new version) if you’re one of those people who expect their science fiction to be at least somewhat plausible.

Confidence is elusive

Who is the most confident person you know?

This was yesterday’s blog prompt, but I waited to address it until today, because I really had to think hard about the answer. I dutifully ran my mind through a long list of people I know, trying to figure out who could be the most confident.

Just a pretty fern. I hope it stays healthy.

Every single time I thought about anyone who portrays an air of confidence, I’d stop myself and say, no, not that person. I know all their struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Or I know they have imposter syndrome, or they put on a confident shell to hide under.

And in every case, I realized how much I admire them. How impressive it is that they go out and do what needs to be done with an easy, confident manner. That takes strength and most important, self awareness. Anyone who knows themselves well can see their strengths and weaknesses and choose how to behave in ways that bring out their best.

I also admire those who don’t act confident but try anyway. I value their insights and contributions, too. There are lots of us out there!

This stink bug introduces the bad side of confidence.

It seems to me that the only people I know who act confident when they really shouldn’t be are those who really don’t know themselves well, either because they’re incapable of it or don’t care to try. They always want to tell you how interesting they are and are extra fond of the sound of their own voices.

I can do without those over-confident types, whether they hold high political offices or stalk you on Facebook.

This fine wolf spider stalked me on my chair. I let it be.

What’s my conclusion? I guess it’s that acting confident in what you do, even when you have nagging doubts, is the kind of confidence we need more of.

Taking a Breath

Today I just had to take it easy, so other than listening to birds and feeding animals, I didn’t do much today.

I felt like this little one. Just resting.

It was a good birding day, which always seems to happen after rain. I’m waiting for the sparrows to go, since the swallows are back. My most exciting sighting today was this tiger moth. I’m not quite sure which species, but I’m hoping it’s an “agreeable tiger moth.”

I read a lot today, then Lee and I watched most of the new Young Sherlock television series. It’s quite good, with excellent sets—more lovely English countryside. The weirdest part is that Colin Firth plays a bad guy, and with his 1800s beard and hair, he resembles Senator Ted Cruz, a lot. I would not have imagined that before.

Mostly, I’m pretty tired, I guess from Daylight Savings Time. But I sure like having more time to play with horses in late afternoon!