humor – The Hermits' Rest

Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?

I’m not feeling too great today, probably because I’m coming down from a day of socializing. I wanted to take a nap, but there was really no good place to do it. The dogs were having a conference with the cattle again. If I tried to go upstairs, Lee would be working because the upstairs is also his office, so that’s not really a great place to nap either.

You could hang out with meeeee again. You never get too much Droodles time!

I thought of the tack room over by the horses, but there they get all excited and start jangling the gate around, and Fiona starts saying hee haw. When I show up, it’s time to eat or run around in circles. All exciting.

And Mabel makes me want to sing my new song, “Dirty Steed and She’s Not Dirt Cheap.”

Why did I not remember I owned a king size bed, parked in a giant parking garage otherwise known as Seneca the motorhome. I can take a nap, rest, read, do whatever I want, and no one cares.

Just me, the mice, and the sparrows walking on the roof. Peace?

But really what I discovered is that there is no place on a ranch that’s actually quiet. The men at the house are outside discussing the sewer or the septic or something like that. Oh well. They are allowed to do what they need to do, right? And as I’d predicted, Lee came to check on me, luckily while I was still dictating this.

I’m glad he dropped by, though, because he got the heat on and it drowns out Fiona. I can still hear a chicken declaring a successful egg production. It’s ok. I now find it all charming. That’s what a change of scenery will do for you!

Goldie and Her Friends Attend to Important Matters

I always wonder what the animals do all say when I’m working. Today I snuck out and spied on Goldie, to see what was going on in the woods. Soon the whole pack joined her for a very important meeting with the neighbors.

Hello, hello, let’s all take our places.

Apparently, the dogs and cattle had some items to discuss, and Goldie was in charge of getting things going.

Where the heck are the refreshments? The cows aren’t sharing their milk.

It’s time for the meet and greet. Let’s all touch noses. Wait your turns, Brownie and Blackie!

Now that we’re all here, let’s go over the dog agenda. You cows need to stop moving around in the woods at night. We can’t hear the coyotes and hogs for all your stomping.

Wait wait! The rest of the dog committee wants to make our points!

Ooh. It’s Alfred. We have to listen to him. He guards us. Let’s all touch his nose.

Dang it, I’ve lost control of the meeting. You guys, get back with the group. Penney, go back inside.

We’re breaking into subcommittees. Mooers to the left, stompers to the right, please. Barkers in the middle.

I’m lobbying for less barking and more nose touching. Will you go along?

At the above point, Vlassic and this calf appeared deep in conversation. The calf was nodding and seriously considering what Vlassic had to offer.

Meeting adjourned! Let’s go bark, moo and stomp!

And the party is continuing as I type. The animals seem to genuinely enjoy their interactions. Humans with the agenda of napping, however, wish they’d find another venue for their get-togethers.

The Great Scary Lump Mystery

Oh the poor horses! Today we looked out the front window and saw something out of place. There was a brown lump where there is usually smooth grass.

I looked to the left of the lump and there were the horses and Fiona. They were standing transfixed, with their heads and ears pointed at that mysterious lump. It must have been perceived as a threat.

Two seconds earlier, Apache was also staring.

I had to work so I went back in the house. When I came out to get the mail later, they were still on high alert, not letting that lump out of their sight.

Drew and Dusty are ok, but the other 3 are watching.

I walked down the driveway, cautiously approaching that threatening lump, which got less and less scary as I got closer.

I was a little confused as to how that fairly significant pile of hay got in the pasture. Then I noticed more hay on the road. Okay, so someone had lost some nice fresh hay as they went down the road. It must have been very windy to blow so far off the road??

I actually took Drew some of the hay, but nope, the group would NOT go anywhere near the hay pike, which is larger now, because I added the road hay. They hadn’t by feeding time. Who could blame them? It appeared out of thin air.

This didn’t appear out of thin air, but I’m finally done.

Now, did all that hay really blow into the pasture? No. The mystery was solved later when Lee casually mentioned that he’d found hay on the road on his way back from his daily walk, and tossed it in the field.

Oh.

The horses aren’t sure about it, nonetheless.

Why American Football Makes Me Laugh

I wasn’t going to write today, since mostly I looked at Ruby crowned kinglets and enjoyed sunshine and horses. But I wanted to share why I laughed so much today.

There were three professional football games on television today, covered by the second tier of broadcasters on the NFL Network. (Yes, I watch pro football and yes I know it’s violent and hurts players and all the other negativity — it’s a guilty pleasure.)

The team doing the pre-game, post-game, and halftime coverage were three ex-players and a woman I didn’t know. It was like watching a family discussion of the games and players that just happened to be sitting outdoors in Buffalo NY in December. There was much bickering, bantering, and teasing.

(I finally found out who they were: Colleen Wolfe, Steve Smith Sr., Michael Robinson, Maurice Jones-Drew and Mike Giardi who was on the sidelines.)

The woman kept going on and on about how she loved the weather and was enjoying herself. The three men had endless weather comments and complaints, all of which were really funny. They kept having to remember to talk about football. It was so unscripted and natural.

Then the game in Buffalo started. The fans had needed to wipe 8 inches of snow off each seat. Some made snowmen. Others made snowballs. Many, many snowballs. It was fun to watch them toss them around when their team scored.

Of course, they started pelting the other team and the officials, so they were asked to stop. I guess the broadcasters got pelted, too. At halftime one of the guys had put on protective ski goggles. I laughed. That’s entertainment.

Things I Would Say to a Mouse

I love you and think you’re cute as heck. Outdoors.
Your chances of a long life are much better of living a long life if you avoid our house, which is full of large dogs.
Plastic is not good for you.
You are very clever how you simply move the baited sticky trap so you can get to the delicious horse food and eat more of its spout.
There’s lots to eat in the pasture. You could go there.
HA! I have put the delicious horse food in a sealed container where you can’t get to it.
Yes, I can see that your larger cousin is also visiting the tack room. Evidence.
I have lots more traps. Go outside! run!
I truly regret the large gaps in the doors to the tack room that welcome you so well.
Your brazen takeover of my henhouse has not gone unnoticed. You sure poop a lot.
Note that the food in the henhouse is also in a sealed container. HA!

Horses’ expensive oil is now hiding with the alfalfa. Take that, rodents.

Two Dreams, One Came True, One Didn’t (Thankfully)

Let me start with the dream that didn’t come true. I was obviously a bit stressed out from going to work and not knowing where the office actually was. That night, I had a dream that I was visiting my previous job, the previous location for it. Everyone was there, and it had been remodeled with very cheerful colors and furnishings.

I chatted with the happy workers, but then, as it often happens in my dreams, I had to pee. I headed to where the bathrooms were, only to find people at workstations in there, cheerfully typing. I asked where the bathrooms were. “Down the road,” was the response.

In the dream, I blurted out, “What if you have diarrhea?” The answer was, “We have an Uber right outside!” I went out and yep, there was an old black car. I got in, and the driver sped off. I asked him if he thought driving people to the bathroom struck him as weird. He turned around and smiled at me, saying, “The tips are great!”

I woke up.

The other dream, the one that did come true isn’t that exciting, except to me. The past two rides I’ve had on Apache the Paint horse have made me so dang happy that it’s like I’ve nailed my bucket list. We’ve been improving slowly over the past year, as you probably know.

Yesterday we did the thing I’d been wanting to do so badly. We went out in the back pasture and wandered around, going up and down the arroyo, and checking out all the fences and trees. We just did it. No stress, no spinning around, no freezing and snorting. We just had a good time.

Today was just as fun. First I worked with Drew, who’s getting better at his stuff on the ground. His reward was a nice walk together, which we both love. Halfway through was his big reward: he got to eat long grass in the unmown front field. What a dream, hanging out in the shade and relaxing.

The dream continued with Apache’s ride. He’s just doing so well. We trotted around like we k ew what we were doing, walked all the way across the road (I checked for cars), then headed out to the front field. Rather than getting worried as we got farther from the other horses, he looked around and checked things out. We looked at pretty pink flowers, sunflowers, and long, waving grass.

Wandering around looking at flowers while feeling safe on a happy, calm horse…that has been my dream since things went sour with Apache a couple of years ago. And I’d never been able to ride through fields alone before. I’d been afraid to ride without another person with me.

Things are better.

What Foods Would You Choose?

I had a couple of odd dreams last night. One was a plain ole nasty nightmare in which I had to free Apache from something keeping him from escaping a fire. I remember dragging him out while throwing chicken and dog food out telling all the other animals to run, run, run. Well, yuck. I guess that fire down the road yesterday was on my mind.

Thanks, doofus who started a fire with a burn pile.

In the other dream, I was in a game show (that’s because the television magically changed to Celebrity Family Feud in the middle of the football game we were watching). In the game, I was having to guess what foods people would choose if they were only allowed to eat ten foods and three “seasonings.” I have no idea how seasonings was defined.

Everyone needs onion. Or every Suna needs them, though I’d probably select yellow onions, not these beautiful Vidalia ones.

That got me to wondering what my ten foods for the rest of my life would be. I got a real chuckle out of the fact that the first thing that popped up in my mind was yogurt. I guess I like yogurt? I don’t know if I’d get just one flavor or perhaps a nice box like this. If I only had one, it would be full-fat key lime flavor.

And now, I would like to brag my butt off about the fact that I did not select chocolate, ice cream, and caramels as any of my top ten. I think I’d get sick of it, to be honest. So, here is what I came up with.

Better for me than pasta, especially if I got brown rice.

Food

yogurt
rice
chicken breast
cod filets
eggs
shredded cheese
mixed vegetables
spring salad mix
plums
onions

If I had two more it would be Special K Red Berries and milk. I could eat that most every day. I realize, too, that choosing mixed vegetables is cheating. But I love vegetables so much I’d need a variety. And it’s my list, anyway. Why did I pick cod? I just love cod. It’s inexpensive and you can mix it up with all that other stuff to make any meals, just like the chicken.

I need to go buy some cod. It’s more versatile than oysters. Mmm.

“Seasonings”

black pepper
garlic
butter

I figure those three things can make any of the top ten items, other than the yogurt, into something delicious. The yogurt is my dessert item. Eggs are breakfast (I eat two hard boiled eggs every day).

I keep two of the favorites in the fridge already.

You know, having only so many things to choose from and not having to worry about what to buy at the store or what to make for dinner would save me SO much time and mental effort. I’d just put something on some rice and eat it, then go ride horses or knit or read. Something fun.

Fruit is good for you. This plum hybrid thing is too delicious.

Admission

If I were allowed to have one sweet item, I know what it would be. These incredibly delicious milk-chocolate covered caramels with sea salt. If these come home from the grocery store, I eat two each evening. They are everything I love in a dessert.

It’s cooked in a kettle, just like kettle corn, which would be my choice if there were a “snack” category, battling it out with Doritos.

So, could you do it? Ten foods and three seasonings? Would yours be more interesting than mine? I hope so. I picked boring foods, but ones that are fairly healthy and versatile. And I omitted tomatoes, because they do give me the reflux, much as I love them.

Meet Kendall Sue Bruns!

Huh? Who?

Many of you may remember when I previously blogged for our real estate company, Hermit Haus Redevelopment. Since we ended that venture, Lee and I have continued to buy, renovate, and sell or rent property. It was Lee’s official retirement job until he took on the money duties at Hearts, Homes, and Hands, the personal assistance service Kathleen runs.

But we still do the real estate, since that’s how Lee makes his living. All that is to explain why we had a survey drawn up to subdivide a property in Cameron so we can build stuff. Today we went to get the “six original copies” notarized at the lawyers’ office. That when we noticed this:

This entire document was drawn up listing me as a good patriarchal piece of chattel known as Kendall Sue Bruns. Bruns (pronounced broonz) is Lee’s surname. Much hilarity ensued as Lee and Liz, my friend who happens to be the notary in the office, began hooting about my new name and telling me it fits. We had to fix my name many places. Sigh.

I sort of like the name Kendall Sue. It sounds quite ethnic if you have my heritage. I guess it’s good that I like it, since Liz plans to call me that from now on.

I actually look like my Aunt Joyce with my hair this short. Or one of her daughters. Maybe cousin Jan and I are identical cousins now.

By the way, my office is no longer too hot so I feel less heatsick. Felix the great temporarily fixed it. And the exterminator (also great) sprayed all around the house to kill all black widows, kissing bugs, and scorpions extra dead. In honor of that, I have no Creature of the Day today.

Some Horsie Funnies

I’ve been enjoying the stuff the horses and Fiona have been doing lately. They are not being bothered by the heat these days one bit. They have their ways of keeping cool! For one, Dusty hangs out by the water troughs a lot. The fish really like it. I guess they get bits of food off him. I was charmed this afternoon when I watched him this morning.

I couldn’t get a photo of the fish picking food off his face because I was too enthralled, but it sure was funny.

Here ya go fishies, enjoy my tasty muzzle pickings

And I didn’t actually see this, but I was told that Fiona really entertained folks this morning when she got ahold of our official horse toy and started batting it around. I’d love to have seen that! I saw a video of a horse playing with one who got all upset that it was attacking him and couldn’t figure out how to turn it loose. Horses like these things!

Hours of entertainment, for sure

Other unseen fun the horses have been having is rolling around. You can certainly tell exactly where they’ve been rolling!

It’s not a horse shape, but it sure is smooth (I have seen places where Apache rolled that have white and red hair in the shape of his spots)

My favorite time of the day these days is when I sit outside the tack room and watch the horses eating their food. It’s a nice rest after a hard day of work, grooming, riding, running with Drew, and feeding everyone.

Today, I got a good laugh when Drew was finished eating his very mushy food and was covered with liquid yuckiness. Apparently he is not fond of it either, because he set about rubbing and rubbing his face on the bars of his pen. He ended up pretty clean!

Little things like this help as I try to get used to the un-medicated me. I’m glad I have Drew and Apache to play with, because it’s such good practice in being calm, breathing deeply, and living in the moment.

I sure hope you are enjoying your week and are able to find the highlights amid the intense negativity in the outside world.

Grassy-Ass, Sorta

That’s thank you in grass language. I’ve been laughing my ass off this afternoon for a couple of reasons. First, I spent my lunch hour resting my eyes by seeing what new blossoms we have. I also was marveling at how many varieties of grass we have in the front field and how beautiful they looked waving in the breeze.

So pretty. I think it’s Dallis grass. I’m bad at grass ID.

I carefully took pictures of all the rye, oats, barley (it’s beginning to sound like bread, isn’t it?), and other grass varieties. I was looking forward to seeing what else came up.

No sooner had I gone in to get lunch than I heard the Kubota tractor start up. I quickly realized it was going back and forth across the field. I had damn good timing! The field was getting shredded (mowed in ranch talk). There go those waving seed heads! I got a good laugh out of that. There’s still plenty of other grass and flowers out there…at least for now.

This one was hopefully too low for the shredder.

I did find lots of new flowers, though, and most were on the roadside. We finally have Indian blankets blooming, though I’d seen them lots of other places already. And bindweed is blooming its tiny mini-morning glories. I’m very happy to see the Engelmann daisies are kicking into high gear, ready to take over where the bluebonnets (going to seed now) leave off. Here’s some of what I saw:

I enjoyed my break, and I enjoyed working with Drew this afternoon. He’s back to paying attention. Kathleen’s horses had opinions of me not working with them, though. I think they flipped me off in horse language.