humor – Page 2 – The Hermits' Rest

Droodles: Master of Equine Mayhem

It’s weird. Since Apache started his medicine, he’s been a lot calmer. I wonder if he has a buzz or something.

Drew, on the other hand, has been on a real tear of peskiness and mischief lately, like he’s Loki and Apache is Thor (Apache has a lot of hair, like Thor). I’ve been watching Drew running around and chasing his herd-mates around, but never had any photographic evidence until this morning, when I saw a lot going on in the horse pens as I was feeding the chickens.

Droodles had gotten ahold of one of the food buckets and was playing with it. He picked it up and rested it on the fence; he waggled his head and threw it up and down; he ran off with it, as if he wanted to hide it from me (which probably would have worked if I hadn’t seen it).

He was really having a good time with that bucket. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his absolute favorite toy, innocently grazing and minding her own business: Fiona. Off he flew to pester her.

He ran circles around her and tried to herd her into a corner. I’m not sure why he always wants to force her into a corner, because the result is always the same: she kicks him in the head. Sadly, I didn’t catch that part of the fun.

Drew let Fiona go, because his eyes alit on yet another toy. This is an old lead rope that actually is supposed to be a toy, which is why I don’t put it away. He picked that up and flopped it around vigorously until it hit Apache in the face, leading Apache to come over to me so I could get burs out of his tail.

Drew then turned to the next object in his visual range, which is a large water trough made of the same recycled rubber as the food buckets. He spent a few minutes chomping away on that, which gave me some bur removal time.

This is too heavy to toss in the air, darn it.

But, no, not enough time. I was still de-burring when Drew sidled up beside me. I thought he wanted a treat (he knows treats exist now, because he gets them when I bridle him). But instead, he wanted to “help” me with the tail project. His idea of helping was to try to take a big chomp out of Apache’s tail. Granted, that would have gotten rid of some burs, but not how I wanted it to happen. After three attempted chomps, Apache walked away, and I had to laugh as I watched Drew trying to sneak up on him for another chomp.

I finally shooed him off and he ate some hay while I finished with the tail project. I’m sure he was at least a little tired after all that. He doesn’t know it’s lesson day, so he’s going to get even more exercise later, and not just the circles, squares, barrels, and sidepassing I make him do every other day or so. (Yesterday I even made him do something scary: go around the shed from the BACK. Oooh, that was different.)

Don’t scare me or my hair will look worse.

Daily Bird

Today’s bird is the mockingbird, because I got a nice photo of one today. I remember as a kid being deeply disappointed that the mockingbird was the state bird of Florida, because it was all gray and black and white. I wanted the blue jay, due to being able to use more crayons to color it (the state flag of Florida had that tiny Native American lady in the middle who was hard to color, by the way, and the dang flower was white, which equalled NO crayons).

This bird was really enjoying something on these branches.

Really, though, I’ve gotten so much pleasure out of mockingbirds in my life, that I’ve forgiven their boring colors. We had one that sat on the streetlight outside of our house in Brushy Creek and would sing for hours. There was also a big singer over by Sara’s horse pens back when Apache lived there. They can really come up with some doozies of songs, like backup beeps and cell phones.

The northern mockingbird (Mimus polyglottos) is a mockingbird commonly found in North America. This bird is mainly a permanent resident, but northern birds may move south during harsh weather. This species has rarely been observed in Europe. This species was first described by Carl Linnaeus in his 1758 10th edition of Systema Naturae as Turdus polyglottos. The northern mockingbird is known for its mimicking ability, as reflected by the meaning of its scientific name, “many-tongued mimic”. The northern mockingbird has gray to brown upper feathers and a paler belly. Its tail and wings have white patches which are visible in flight.

The northern mockingbird is an omnivore, eating both insects and fruits. It is often found in open areas and forest edges but forages in grassy land. The northern mockingbird breeds in southeastern Canada, the United States, northern Mexico, the Bahamas, the Cayman Islands and the Greater Antilles. It is replaced farther south by its closest living relative, the tropical mockingbird. The Socorro mockingbird, an endangered species, is also closely related, contrary to previous opinion. The northern mockingbird is listed as of least concern according to the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN).

The northern mockingbird is known for its intelligence. A 2009 study showed that the bird was able to recognize individual humans, particularly noting those who had previously been intruders or threats. Also birds recognize their breeding spots and return to areas in which they had greatest success in previous years. Urban birds are more likely to demonstrate this behavior.

The mockingbird is influential in United States culture, being the state bird of five states, appearing in book titles, songs and lullabies, and making other appearances in popular culture.
iNaturalist

They are fun to watch when mating, and their babies are darned cute, so I’m glad we have them out here at the Hermits’ Rest to entertain us on the off chance that the meadowlarks, killdeer, crows, and white-crowned sparrows get quiet. (In other words, there’s lots to hear out here.)

Bonus snow goose photo, since you can actually tell they are geese in this one, taken today.

A Guest Blogger!

Neigh! It’s me, Apache Smoke Signal, Suna’s horse buddy, also known as Patchy. I’m taking a break from constant eating, my favorite hobby, to be your guest blogger. Suna is too tired to type.

I had to dictate this, because I can’t use a keyboard.

I want you all to know I’ve been eating my special treats with the nasty pink centers every day, and I think I feel a lot better. I jumped two jumps in a row today, to my surprise. I surprise easily.

I’ve been extra well behaved, too, not like that young punk Droodles who keeps pestering my little friend Fifi. Today he decided to gallop full speed into the pens, pester Fiona, then gallop back to our manna from Heaven that Suna calls a round hay bale, three times. I don’t know what gets into that boy.

He won’t even lower his head like a gentleman to get those pain balls Suna calls burs off his head. That’s probably what’s making him all goofy.

Suna says maybe next year my coat won’t be so thick in winter. I’ve been so sweaty.

I had fun this evening when I had my first night visit with the human who tells me what to do and gets all bossy when I get nerved out. She always makes me go fast and tells me I started on the wrong hoof. How do I know?

I tried to enjoy eating my delicious bag of hay while my pal Aragorn was running around with my previous rider friend Sara, but there is a horse baby who won’t shut up there now. He kept yelling that he wanted his mommy. She was just over by the handsome man horse, so I can’t figure out why this baby was so loud. It ruined my moment of peaceful eating with no other horses daring to try to share.

What Suna wanted me to tell you is that even after enduring her washing my mane (I was enjoying that dirt) I did things I didn’t know I could do! Even though it was dark with bright lights in my delicate eyes, I trotted less awkwardly than I used to at many speeds and could understand what Suna was asking! And I went around the barrels well enough to please the bossy human. I admit I don’t like that weird fast walk they keep making me do, but it’s getting easier.

I need to get back to chewing and dominating the other horses now. Suna will be back to talk about birds and plants tomorrow. How boring. Grass is the only interesting plant! And maybe alfalfa.

Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?

I’m not feeling too great today, probably because I’m coming down from a day of socializing. I wanted to take a nap, but there was really no good place to do it. The dogs were having a conference with the cattle again. If I tried to go upstairs, Lee would be working because the upstairs is also his office, so that’s not really a great place to nap either.

You could hang out with meeeee again. You never get too much Droodles time!

I thought of the tack room over by the horses, but there they get all excited and start jangling the gate around, and Fiona starts saying hee haw. When I show up, it’s time to eat or run around in circles. All exciting.

And Mabel makes me want to sing my new song, “Dirty Steed and She’s Not Dirt Cheap.”

Why did I not remember I owned a king size bed, parked in a giant parking garage otherwise known as Seneca the motorhome. I can take a nap, rest, read, do whatever I want, and no one cares.

Just me, the mice, and the sparrows walking on the roof. Peace?

But really what I discovered is that there is no place on a ranch that’s actually quiet. The men at the house are outside discussing the sewer or the septic or something like that. Oh well. They are allowed to do what they need to do, right? And as I’d predicted, Lee came to check on me, luckily while I was still dictating this.

I’m glad he dropped by, though, because he got the heat on and it drowns out Fiona. I can still hear a chicken declaring a successful egg production. It’s ok. I now find it all charming. That’s what a change of scenery will do for you!

Goldie and Her Friends Attend to Important Matters

I always wonder what the animals do all say when I’m working. Today I snuck out and spied on Goldie, to see what was going on in the woods. Soon the whole pack joined her for a very important meeting with the neighbors.

Hello, hello, let’s all take our places.

Apparently, the dogs and cattle had some items to discuss, and Goldie was in charge of getting things going.

Where the heck are the refreshments? The cows aren’t sharing their milk.

It’s time for the meet and greet. Let’s all touch noses. Wait your turns, Brownie and Blackie!

Now that we’re all here, let’s go over the dog agenda. You cows need to stop moving around in the woods at night. We can’t hear the coyotes and hogs for all your stomping.

Wait wait! The rest of the dog committee wants to make our points!

Ooh. It’s Alfred. We have to listen to him. He guards us. Let’s all touch his nose.

Dang it, I’ve lost control of the meeting. You guys, get back with the group. Penney, go back inside.

We’re breaking into subcommittees. Mooers to the left, stompers to the right, please. Barkers in the middle.

I’m lobbying for less barking and more nose touching. Will you go along?

At the above point, Vlassic and this calf appeared deep in conversation. The calf was nodding and seriously considering what Vlassic had to offer.

Meeting adjourned! Let’s go bark, moo and stomp!

And the party is continuing as I type. The animals seem to genuinely enjoy their interactions. Humans with the agenda of napping, however, wish they’d find another venue for their get-togethers.

The Great Scary Lump Mystery

Oh the poor horses! Today we looked out the front window and saw something out of place. There was a brown lump where there is usually smooth grass.

I looked to the left of the lump and there were the horses and Fiona. They were standing transfixed, with their heads and ears pointed at that mysterious lump. It must have been perceived as a threat.

Two seconds earlier, Apache was also staring.

I had to work so I went back in the house. When I came out to get the mail later, they were still on high alert, not letting that lump out of their sight.

Drew and Dusty are ok, but the other 3 are watching.

I walked down the driveway, cautiously approaching that threatening lump, which got less and less scary as I got closer.

I was a little confused as to how that fairly significant pile of hay got in the pasture. Then I noticed more hay on the road. Okay, so someone had lost some nice fresh hay as they went down the road. It must have been very windy to blow so far off the road??

I actually took Drew some of the hay, but nope, the group would NOT go anywhere near the hay pike, which is larger now, because I added the road hay. They hadn’t by feeding time. Who could blame them? It appeared out of thin air.

This didn’t appear out of thin air, but I’m finally done.

Now, did all that hay really blow into the pasture? No. The mystery was solved later when Lee casually mentioned that he’d found hay on the road on his way back from his daily walk, and tossed it in the field.

Oh.

The horses aren’t sure about it, nonetheless.

Why American Football Makes Me Laugh

I wasn’t going to write today, since mostly I looked at Ruby crowned kinglets and enjoyed sunshine and horses. But I wanted to share why I laughed so much today.

There were three professional football games on television today, covered by the second tier of broadcasters on the NFL Network. (Yes, I watch pro football and yes I know it’s violent and hurts players and all the other negativity — it’s a guilty pleasure.)

The team doing the pre-game, post-game, and halftime coverage were three ex-players and a woman I didn’t know. It was like watching a family discussion of the games and players that just happened to be sitting outdoors in Buffalo NY in December. There was much bickering, bantering, and teasing.

(I finally found out who they were: Colleen Wolfe, Steve Smith Sr., Michael Robinson, Maurice Jones-Drew and Mike Giardi who was on the sidelines.)

The woman kept going on and on about how she loved the weather and was enjoying herself. The three men had endless weather comments and complaints, all of which were really funny. They kept having to remember to talk about football. It was so unscripted and natural.

Then the game in Buffalo started. The fans had needed to wipe 8 inches of snow off each seat. Some made snowmen. Others made snowballs. Many, many snowballs. It was fun to watch them toss them around when their team scored.

Of course, they started pelting the other team and the officials, so they were asked to stop. I guess the broadcasters got pelted, too. At halftime one of the guys had put on protective ski goggles. I laughed. That’s entertainment.

Things I Would Say to a Mouse

I love you and think you’re cute as heck. Outdoors.
Your chances of a long life are much better of living a long life if you avoid our house, which is full of large dogs.
Plastic is not good for you.
You are very clever how you simply move the baited sticky trap so you can get to the delicious horse food and eat more of its spout.
There’s lots to eat in the pasture. You could go there.
HA! I have put the delicious horse food in a sealed container where you can’t get to it.
Yes, I can see that your larger cousin is also visiting the tack room. Evidence.
I have lots more traps. Go outside! run!
I truly regret the large gaps in the doors to the tack room that welcome you so well.
Your brazen takeover of my henhouse has not gone unnoticed. You sure poop a lot.
Note that the food in the henhouse is also in a sealed container. HA!

Horses’ expensive oil is now hiding with the alfalfa. Take that, rodents.

Two Dreams, One Came True, One Didn’t (Thankfully)

Let me start with the dream that didn’t come true. I was obviously a bit stressed out from going to work and not knowing where the office actually was. That night, I had a dream that I was visiting my previous job, the previous location for it. Everyone was there, and it had been remodeled with very cheerful colors and furnishings.

I chatted with the happy workers, but then, as it often happens in my dreams, I had to pee. I headed to where the bathrooms were, only to find people at workstations in there, cheerfully typing. I asked where the bathrooms were. “Down the road,” was the response.

In the dream, I blurted out, “What if you have diarrhea?” The answer was, “We have an Uber right outside!” I went out and yep, there was an old black car. I got in, and the driver sped off. I asked him if he thought driving people to the bathroom struck him as weird. He turned around and smiled at me, saying, “The tips are great!”

I woke up.

The other dream, the one that did come true isn’t that exciting, except to me. The past two rides I’ve had on Apache the Paint horse have made me so dang happy that it’s like I’ve nailed my bucket list. We’ve been improving slowly over the past year, as you probably know.

Yesterday we did the thing I’d been wanting to do so badly. We went out in the back pasture and wandered around, going up and down the arroyo, and checking out all the fences and trees. We just did it. No stress, no spinning around, no freezing and snorting. We just had a good time.

Today was just as fun. First I worked with Drew, who’s getting better at his stuff on the ground. His reward was a nice walk together, which we both love. Halfway through was his big reward: he got to eat long grass in the unmown front field. What a dream, hanging out in the shade and relaxing.

The dream continued with Apache’s ride. He’s just doing so well. We trotted around like we k ew what we were doing, walked all the way across the road (I checked for cars), then headed out to the front field. Rather than getting worried as we got farther from the other horses, he looked around and checked things out. We looked at pretty pink flowers, sunflowers, and long, waving grass.

Wandering around looking at flowers while feeling safe on a happy, calm horse…that has been my dream since things went sour with Apache a couple of years ago. And I’d never been able to ride through fields alone before. I’d been afraid to ride without another person with me.

Things are better.

What Foods Would You Choose?

I had a couple of odd dreams last night. One was a plain ole nasty nightmare in which I had to free Apache from something keeping him from escaping a fire. I remember dragging him out while throwing chicken and dog food out telling all the other animals to run, run, run. Well, yuck. I guess that fire down the road yesterday was on my mind.

Thanks, doofus who started a fire with a burn pile.

In the other dream, I was in a game show (that’s because the television magically changed to Celebrity Family Feud in the middle of the football game we were watching). In the game, I was having to guess what foods people would choose if they were only allowed to eat ten foods and three “seasonings.” I have no idea how seasonings was defined.

Everyone needs onion. Or every Suna needs them, though I’d probably select yellow onions, not these beautiful Vidalia ones.

That got me to wondering what my ten foods for the rest of my life would be. I got a real chuckle out of the fact that the first thing that popped up in my mind was yogurt. I guess I like yogurt? I don’t know if I’d get just one flavor or perhaps a nice box like this. If I only had one, it would be full-fat key lime flavor.

And now, I would like to brag my butt off about the fact that I did not select chocolate, ice cream, and caramels as any of my top ten. I think I’d get sick of it, to be honest. So, here is what I came up with.

Better for me than pasta, especially if I got brown rice.

Food

yogurt
rice
chicken breast
cod filets
eggs
shredded cheese
mixed vegetables
spring salad mix
plums
onions

If I had two more it would be Special K Red Berries and milk. I could eat that most every day. I realize, too, that choosing mixed vegetables is cheating. But I love vegetables so much I’d need a variety. And it’s my list, anyway. Why did I pick cod? I just love cod. It’s inexpensive and you can mix it up with all that other stuff to make any meals, just like the chicken.

I need to go buy some cod. It’s more versatile than oysters. Mmm.

“Seasonings”

black pepper
garlic
butter

I figure those three things can make any of the top ten items, other than the yogurt, into something delicious. The yogurt is my dessert item. Eggs are breakfast (I eat two hard boiled eggs every day).

I keep two of the favorites in the fridge already.

You know, having only so many things to choose from and not having to worry about what to buy at the store or what to make for dinner would save me SO much time and mental effort. I’d just put something on some rice and eat it, then go ride horses or knit or read. Something fun.

Fruit is good for you. This plum hybrid thing is too delicious.

Admission

If I were allowed to have one sweet item, I know what it would be. These incredibly delicious milk-chocolate covered caramels with sea salt. If these come home from the grocery store, I eat two each evening. They are everything I love in a dessert.

It’s cooked in a kettle, just like kettle corn, which would be my choice if there were a “snack” category, battling it out with Doritos.

So, could you do it? Ten foods and three seasonings? Would yours be more interesting than mine? I hope so. I picked boring foods, but ones that are fairly healthy and versatile. And I omitted tomatoes, because they do give me the reflux, much as I love them.

Meet Kendall Sue Bruns!

Huh? Who?

Many of you may remember when I previously blogged for our real estate company, Hermit Haus Redevelopment. Since we ended that venture, Lee and I have continued to buy, renovate, and sell or rent property. It was Lee’s official retirement job until he took on the money duties at Hearts, Homes, and Hands, the personal assistance service Kathleen runs.

But we still do the real estate, since that’s how Lee makes his living. All that is to explain why we had a survey drawn up to subdivide a property in Cameron so we can build stuff. Today we went to get the “six original copies” notarized at the lawyers’ office. That when we noticed this:

This entire document was drawn up listing me as a good patriarchal piece of chattel known as Kendall Sue Bruns. Bruns (pronounced broonz) is Lee’s surname. Much hilarity ensued as Lee and Liz, my friend who happens to be the notary in the office, began hooting about my new name and telling me it fits. We had to fix my name many places. Sigh.

I sort of like the name Kendall Sue. It sounds quite ethnic if you have my heritage. I guess it’s good that I like it, since Liz plans to call me that from now on.

I actually look like my Aunt Joyce with my hair this short. Or one of her daughters. Maybe cousin Jan and I are identical cousins now.

By the way, my office is no longer too hot so I feel less heatsick. Felix the great temporarily fixed it. And the exterminator (also great) sprayed all around the house to kill all black widows, kissing bugs, and scorpions extra dead. In honor of that, I have no Creature of the Day today.