Ramblings – Page 2 – The Hermits' Rest

Sure, I’ve Changed since Covid

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Since I’m avoiding telling other people’s stories and not much is going on with me, I welcomed this question. It gave me a chance to evaluate what’s changed, my struggles to adapt, and the positive and negative results.

I found one sad, small wine cup today. Usually we have quite a few. Hope the prediction of rain soon is correct.

Positive: the people we were staying with and became our “pod” are still with us much of the time. We have gone through significant ups and downs, misunderstandings, illnesses, and job changes, but we now support each other and have learned to deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies. There are a lot of idiosyncrasies to go around, but the fact that we’ve made it through a series of pretty impressive challenges and remain supportive says a lot about me, Lee, Kathleen, and Chris. We’ve done a lot of growing and changing for the better.

Another positive that didn’t feel that way at the time is that I finally figured out how to lose my conception of what was happening in my life and keep living in the moment rather than dwelling on the losses. There was a period when I realized friendships and family relationships weren’t what I thought they were. That hurt. And thanks to Covid I lost my beautiful workspace I’d put so much effort into and didn’t get to fully enjoy living in Austin in my beautiful house. I had to leave by the time we were no longer masked and distant.

But I got through it all. It may not have been pretty, and my heart broke and rebroke, but I came out so much stronger and more resilient. I have a much more accurate perspective on the people around me, friends, colleagues, and society.

Covid truly taught me that attaining personal growth, gaining wisdom, and developing inner strength is a journey that does not end. I’m better prepared now, though.

A negative is that I’m still not comfortable being in large groups where people might cough all over me. It doesn’t help that the only time I actually got the disease was after flying to a vacation. I have to fly again week after next. I have come to terms with the fact that there are germs out there. I do still have to live my life (and symptoms of the virus I got when I went to that event recently are finally almost gone).

Covid has kept me and Lee even more hermit-like, though I do a few things, still! And Lee goes grocery shopping where there are many people, something I avoid these days.

My favorite positive to come out of COVID is that I don’t have to commute to work and can stay here at the Hermits’ Rest or even work from campsites. At first I really missed being with coworkers, but now I’m so happy that I can be home where it’s less distracting (other than dogs) and work with so many people around the world. Thank goodness for online meetings! And when I quit, I can go hug a turkey, pet a horse, or go for a hike.

I think my life changed for the better, even considering the downsides. I’m sure a lot less anxious (as long as I do deep breathing during the news).

Happy April! Here’s 1/3 of the year’s temperature blanket, featuring the hottest March ever.

Weird Illness Symptom

I have a virus or bad allergies since yesterday. Not horrible, but my throat hurts and I’m tired. I do seem to have one off symptom, though. I remember things in the wrong color. What?

Lee brought home a loaner vehicle while my car was getting serviced. It was very nice and looked very much like my car. More than once I referred to it as the black car. It was quite white. Just as white as my car (but sadly lacking the snazzy red interior).

My car, which looks like half the cars on the road today.

I also mentioned the pink book I was reading. I went to bed and saw the deer book and the next book on my nightstand. Both are green.

Yes, I’m reading a popular self-help book about a topic I’ve already been working on. This kind of book serves as a good reminder.

I do think the color thing has a non-viral source!

That’s all I have for you, friends. I took NyQuil, so the zzzzzz is calling.

Bored of Self

I’m only writing to keep a blogging streak going. I was so boring yesterday that only 36 people visited the site. It’s a good reason I just like to hear myself talk, or read my writing, or something. And I’m only going to get more and more boring if I keep working so many hours.

I’ll still try to take a few nice photos when I can get outside.

To put a positive spin on things, if I’m being boring, it means I’m not letting outside events upset me, I’m enjoying my family/pets, and my dull hobbies are satisfying me.

So if you got this far, feel free to suggest something interesting to write about, or I’ll do the wise thing and not blog until I have something blog worthy.

This could be a painting, too. So many greens.

PS: don’t watch Lost in Space (new version) if you’re one of those people who expect their science fiction to be at least somewhat plausible.

Confidence is elusive

Who is the most confident person you know?

This was yesterday’s blog prompt, but I waited to address it until today, because I really had to think hard about the answer. I dutifully ran my mind through a long list of people I know, trying to figure out who could be the most confident.

Just a pretty fern. I hope it stays healthy.

Every single time I thought about anyone who portrays an air of confidence, I’d stop myself and say, no, not that person. I know all their struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Or I know they have imposter syndrome, or they put on a confident shell to hide under.

And in every case, I realized how much I admire them. How impressive it is that they go out and do what needs to be done with an easy, confident manner. That takes strength and most important, self awareness. Anyone who knows themselves well can see their strengths and weaknesses and choose how to behave in ways that bring out their best.

I also admire those who don’t act confident but try anyway. I value their insights and contributions, too. There are lots of us out there!

This stink bug introduces the bad side of confidence.

It seems to me that the only people I know who act confident when they really shouldn’t be are those who really don’t know themselves well, either because they’re incapable of it or don’t care to try. They always want to tell you how interesting they are and are extra fond of the sound of their own voices.

I can do without those over-confident types, whether they hold high political offices or stalk you on Facebook.

This fine wolf spider stalked me on my chair. I let it be.

What’s my conclusion? I guess it’s that acting confident in what you do, even when you have nagging doubts, is the kind of confidence we need more of.

Taking a Breath

Today I just had to take it easy, so other than listening to birds and feeding animals, I didn’t do much today.

I felt like this little one. Just resting.

It was a good birding day, which always seems to happen after rain. I’m waiting for the sparrows to go, since the swallows are back. My most exciting sighting today was this tiger moth. I’m not quite sure which species, but I’m hoping it’s an “agreeable tiger moth.”

I read a lot today, then Lee and I watched most of the new Young Sherlock television series. It’s quite good, with excellent sets—more lovely English countryside. The weirdest part is that Colin Firth plays a bad guy, and with his 1800s beard and hair, he resembles Senator Ted Cruz, a lot. I would not have imagined that before.

Mostly, I’m pretty tired, I guess from Daylight Savings Time. But I sure like having more time to play with horses in late afternoon!

I think I’ll take a cue from Harvey, seen here sleeping off a snake bite. He’s ok now.

Little Bits

Something I read on social media reminded me of how much I dislike being told to smile. My response to the person writing about it was that I’m not a dog performing tricks on command. I guess that makes me a disobedient bitch. Ha ha.

I ordered Pampered Chef stuff, because my ground beef masher broke and I wanted another baking dish. It helped Kathleen and I got stuff I wanted that will last a long time. My off-brand masher thing only lasted two years. Not good.

I’m enjoying my new afghan’s colors. I’m happy to have numerous projects again.

I’m missing one finished color. Two more to crochet

There had been an old television in my office for a very long time. My son took it away! Space!

I’m still figuring out work stuff, but my great attitude is making it easier. Yes. I have a great attitude. See, I’ve matured.

Not smiling but not getting upset at change.

I still don’t understand the appeal of crotch clutching in musical performances. I accept that the popular culture bus has driven off and left me.

But his heart was in the right place. Wish he’d clutched that.

Strength Takes Energy

I have been working hard the past five years or so to stay strong, see the good in the world around me, and like myself.

Damn. That takes a lot of energy. I had to spend an hour today being my confident, most impressive self. I did very well. But once I was done, I kind of deflated.

Right now I just want to sink into the floor and disappear. I’m feeling so despondent about how the powerful abuse the powerless, how fragile friendships can be, and how hard it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My crafting compulsion kept me company. I have cute little rose gold squares to share.

Tomorrow I have to get up and lead a webinar and be kind but firm as I go over more changes in how to use the software I support. I enjoy helping folks out, a lot. It’s simply difficult to muster the energy to project confidence and be clear as I go over complex topics. Confidence, clarity, complexity. That last “c” makes the first two challenging.

I know I’m not alone in feeling burned out from trying to project hope and confidence. I say we all need to give ourselves permission to rest, recover, and recharge as often as needed. It’s not a sign of weakness!

I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning and enjoy the presentation. if not, I’ll do it anyway.

Organization Overload

Oh my, I don’t even recognize myself this week. You see, one of my “features” is that I love organizing things, but paradoxically, I let things get very disorganized when I get upset about whatever it is. (Expect a disorganized tack room in the future).

When I was a younger person, all my books were organized by fiction, nonfiction, and crafts, and in high school I made my own card catalog and record album catalog. No Excel yet to make spreadsheets. So I’ve always liked cataloging and organizing objects I love.

As a teen, I also loved nail polish and organized my bottles by color, along with my friend Lynn. It kept us out of trouble!

We didn’t have such fancy stuff in the 70s.

I still love nail polish, an odd but fairly harmless hobby. I’ve found that I enjoy nail strips made from real polish to work well for me. I’m good at putting them on (due to being crafty), and they remove with plain nail polish remover—so much easier on my nails than salon manicures. Um, this is all to say that in the past 4-5 years I’ve worn and accumulated some strips. (understatement)

So, my pusher…I mean nail lady…hooked me up with an app that tracks the stuff I use. I entered all the ones I’d already used (I’d posted it in a Facebook group) and then entered all the ones I have, conveniently organized by color and such. I do like organization. Voilà.

and more

The ones in waiting. I use one set a week. I probably don’t need any more.

But hey. It’s organized! Now go off and laugh at me for having a weird and wasteful hobby. I don’t blame you and also don’t care. I think we’re all entitled to odd pastimes as long as they aren’t putting us deep in debt. And I’m not. I realize that this, and a few other hobbies (yarn, shoes) will have to go bye-bye once I retire and am on a fixed income. I’m already not spending as much on horses…

All this cleaning means my hat is moving slowly.

So instead of worrying about all that, I’m doing that organizing stuff I do every few years or so. Yep. That’s the rate at which I organize my craft material. Thanks to those fine new shelves I wrote about last time, I took advantage of having more space in my office closet to drag all my yarn and craft books out of the storage container and put them away.

I’m ridiculously proud of myself for getting this done. I got rid of a lot of stuff I don’t need, and collected many odds and ends of very nice yarn to share with my next-door neighbor. Many boxes went out the door! Yes! I de-cluttered!

Of course, the books are not in any order yet, and I need to sort the yarn by weight better than it is now. At least I have pretty stuff to look at, and all my needles are in one place. I had too many things in too many tote bags. That’s a common knitter/crocheter thing!

I also have my embroidery, needlepoint, and weaving stuff all together. I know where everything is for the first time since I left my house in Brushy Creek. That feels good.

Some bags have projects or future projects in them.

Here I go down my emotional wormhole…

In this big clean-up, I got rid of a lot of the emotional baggage from people who made doing my hobby less than fun. It’s like with the horses—I need to separate the things I love (knitting, horses) from people who hurt me deeply. It’s about time in that knitting thing! But I got through the La Leche League stuff, the mean dog guy here in Cameron, and (mostly) my psychotic sister. I can do this!

So, I wonder if I’m brave enough to tackle my clothes closet? I have so much to pare down there. It needs a cleanse of negative energy! Who’s hiding in there?

Books I’d Like to Read

What books do you want to read?

Look! A prompt I haven’t already answered! And on a day I’m too tired of thinking to write anything coherent. So, sure, I’ll tell you what books I’d like to read!

Sunset was pretty 360° around this evening

I want to read books about horses, birds, dogs, wildlife, native plants, and weird nature facts. I want to read about science, language, and (factual) history. I want to read about ways to make the world a better place and the people who do so.

I want to read about fiber arts, fiber artists, and the history of everyday things. I want to read about architecture, interior design, and clothing design to learn more about creating beautiful spaces and cozy surroundings.

And pattern instructions. I like reading them. More on my hat tomorrow.

I want to read about how to keep my mind and body healthy and how to nurture relationships with others.

I want to read stories about ordinary people facing life’s challenges in ways that inspire me and make me laugh.

I’ll never run out of things to read. Being able to read and write is one privilege I cling to with deep gratitude. It’s hard to separate “me” from all the words (and images) around me. And I treasure the unique words and images of others. I’d rather read a messy and ungrammatical article than something made bland and perfect by machines.

You have to go past ice to get out of here.

Wishing safety and warmth to all of us still dealing with cold, ice, and snow.

Cozy Cocoon

The cold front arrived and we got down to 16°F, with a high of only 24° so my blanket square for today will be all purple! That and getting to watch this hawk on my big stump were the big highlights for my day.

We missed most of the snow, so it was more of an ice festival than winter wonderland outside.

With our fairly rough expectations in previous arctic blasts, our local family were all pleased we had heat (only got down to 64° downstairs and upstairs kept normal 67°). We were very relieved to find that the turkeys DID use their hut last night and most of today. I put water inside the chicken coop so they only had to go out to eat. It was kind of fun watching them skate around to get to food.

This animal was thrilled with the weather once the sleet stopped.

The horses spent a lot of time in their shelter, and had water, because Spice broke the ice with her hooves. She’s an equine survivalist. Tomorrow it should get above freezing and we will pry the food dishes out of the ice and they will be happier. They ate food off the ice just fine, though.

I spent most of the day bundled up under my 2025 blanket working on another hat with gray ombré yarn. I’ll add a red tassel! Oh, and there was football to watch and more people to talk to on phone, Zoom, and otherwise (young people next door came here for warm showers). That’s not bad for a cozy shut-in day!

I did want to say one thing about current events: if you do not feel safe expressing yourself in front of other people, you’re not being unsupportive; you’re protecting yourself. Do whatever you can, as much as you can, but don’t let peer pressure bring on guilt. Some of us have safety in numbers and the means to do more than others. The goal is for most of us in this country to make it through this difficult time and emerge safe, strong, and ready to rebuild broken relationships and institutions.

Other countries have done it. Image from Jetpack image library.

I sound so optimistic. But it’s good to have hope.