friendship – The Hermits' Rest

Self care everywhere

How do you make time for self-care?

I hadn’t planned to answer this, but seeing as it’s vital to me right now, I can share my seemingly endless supply of self care practices. Do I practice a lot of self care? Indeed I do. Do I feel bad about it? Nope. Right now it’s very important to care for our tender hearts. To balance the negativity around us with positive energy, we need to protect our energy so we can share some. Not all!

So, what do I do? Here is an incomplete list:

Every morning I sit with Lee on the porch drinking coffee and looking at birds. It’s a gentle start to a day.
I also do my Finch self-care birb app before I start working. I do deep breathing, list some positive thoughts, reach out to others and have gentle fun with friends on the app.
During work days I try to get out and walk at least twice, to get the mail, feed the fish, etc. Mail and fish both are fun and (usually) relaxing.
I limit exposure to the political news. I find positive news to read about.
I do my nails weird colors and patterns. It forces me to take a break and do something just for me every week. Like my knitting and crocheting, the process is more important for my self care than the product.
I make sure to spend time with friends and family. I have two online meetings per week with friends, plus my monthly tarot group. And I have lunch every Wednesday with a group of women who support each other and make me laugh. I often meet friends for breakfast or dinner, and I try to have good conversations with my local family as much as possible. They are positive and care for us.
The horses, dogs, and poultry are part of my self care. Sure, feeding and caring for animals can be a chore, but it makes me feel good to interact with them. And it gets me out of the house.
Blogging is also self care. I work things out in my mind when I write, and I enjoy the conversations with others than blog entries can start. It’s part of community building, and since my audience is small, I don’t have to deal with unkind comments. Thank you, readers.

Whew. That’s a lot. In today’s self care, my tarot group met tonight, and I got the most sad and negative bunch of cards ever. It just confirms that I’m going through a challenging phase. The good news is that it pointed to Lee as someone to help guide me past this and return to equilibrium. There’s always going to be positive and negative “stuff” floating around, after all.

And as for stuff, all our “stuff” is now flowing through new pipes as it heads toward the septic tank.

The pad will be centered around the window in the photo

Now that hurdle is passed, the prep for all our future concrete paths and the massive pad for the water tank can continue. It’s quite a project!

Penney found a used piece of pipe and really enjoyed it. Yuck!

I’m a dental anomaly

I managed to get some sleep last night (sooo quiet in my little hotel room). I woke a little early, and since I didn’t want to drink coffee before a dental procedure, I spent some quality time in the hotel parking lot, which abuts an established neighborhood in Cedar Park, Texas. When I first moved to Texas, the property was a beautiful pecan orchard (now called Pecan Park). Some trees remain.

They did save some trees in the parking lot.

I had a great time listening to and viewing birds. I saw some interesting ones, including a pair of Yellow Warblers and a Redstart. The area along US 183 where the hotel is gets many fascinating migrating birds, not necessarily the same ones we see (but it’s the same flyway).

This crow puffed out with every loud caw.

Most of the plants I saw were non-natives, including some unpopular invasives. I did enjoy some pretty hackberry berries and cheerful drought-resistant plants.

Well, even though I dawdled talking to a lady walking her dog about the coyote population of this area (high), I had to go to the dentist to get fitted for my crown. This involved yet more drilling and poking around, so Dr. Pham put in lots and lots of anesthetic stuff. I did my best to breathe and get through it, but as soon as he was done, I felt shaky. Then, wham, my back started spasming again! Dang! It wasn’t as bad as last time, but still pretty awful.

I got through the drilling and getting an impression made. But the impression was bad, so they had to do it again. I lost my ability to joke around with Patty the technician. I was out of patience, sort of like I was on that rain delay on the plane recently. I was out of spoons, as they say. Then it took forever to fit the temporary crown. Bite down, tap tap, bite down, tap tap.

Geez. I was a crumpled mess, but I made it home, and when I talked to my friends online, I felt better after their organ recital (nearly everyone was suffering from something). And after my friend Barbara mentioned that her minister mentioned Supergirl in a sermon and agreed with me that the older ones looked better, I was able to smile. Thank goodness for friends!

Later between work meetings, I looked up what it means if you get back spasms after dental anesthesia. Here’s what it said.

In sum: it’s epinephrine and/or an adrenaline spike

Hooray, I’m not that weird, even if it’s never happened in over 20 years at my dental practice. It does make sense. The spasms didn’t start until that horrible tooth pulling episode. So, what to do? I can ask for the epinephrine to be removed. That makes the shots last less time. No thanks. Or I could take a muscle relaxer or tranquilizer. I’ll try that next time I need the needle. Lucky for me, my next two appointments are the fitting of the crown and a routine cleaning. If that man thinks I’ll get another crown anytime soon he’s deluded.

The heat got to me all day, but I got the chores done. I hugged Apache a lot. It’s his best talent, tolerating hugs.

My family pampered me this evening. I really appreciate the Japanese noodle dinner from Lee and the cupcakes Kathleen brought back from her time in Temple. I wish spiders would leave her alone!

Good night from this flatulent fellow. We found out he’s two years old, by the way.

Basking in friendship glow

We just returned from the 50th wedding anniversary party of our friends Jack and Jennifer S. in Cedar Park, Texas. You’ve seen many pictures of me and Jen acting mushy from friendship when we go camping. There’s no way we couldn’t go to this party (and we also brought Martha with us from Cameron).

Here we are looking mushy from friendship again.

In addition to really good food that I didn’t eat much of, I was just thrilled to see so many of our other old friends from my years at Live Oak UU Church. It’s wonderful that I see so many of them on Facebook still, but it filled me with joy to see them in person.

It was also great to see old friends my kids’ age, like Lindsay, who said I can share this.

I remembered my vow to myself. I made sure to tell people who mean a lot to me how grateful I am for them. How often do you get a chance to do that? I even remembered all my friends’ names! It felt incredibly fine to share my true appreciation for those whose words buoy me up and whose humor brightens my days. Sniff.

One such friend is Lyndy. As you can see we were mushy with friendship.

While I was catching up with all my friends and their adult children, Lee made a new friend and enjoyed talking to him. Thank goodness for Jamiel!

I’m so grateful we were able to attend and celebrate our friends along with our other friends. Seeing older friends looking great and younger friends blossoming into adulthood was a privilege. It reminds me to treasure my friends at home now, while I can!

I can’t believe I know anyone who’s been married 50 years! Wow!

Friend reunion, much delayed

My friend Kathy and I have lived about an hour away from each other for a good number of years. She drives by Cameron, I drive by Waco, and we never manage to coordinate visits. She was one of the La Leche League administrators when I moved to the Austin area and she lived in Longview, but we saw each other often at conferences and such until that connection went away.

Kathy at her very cute house. She has a beautiful back yard.

I sent her a Facebook message yesterday asking to get together today, but she missed it. She asked why I hadn’t called when she saw I was in Waco. I said I messaged her! Then we finally got on track and got together! Lee and I had a nice visit with Kathy and her husband, Matt. It’s weird meeting people you’ve heard about for 30+ years. But we all had a good conversation.

Kathy gave me a book written by a former member of the Homestead Heritage group I talked about yesterday. It’s one of those books sharing all the secrets. Kathy even met the author at her book club meeting. I’m all intrigued and may have to stop my current book to read that one.

We are a colorful duo! We both haven’t changed except hair color.

Anyway, as nice as it is to keep up online, in-person hugs are better. Way better.

Before heading off to the perfectly manicured golf course suburb where Kathy now lives (for good reasons), I dragged Lee to another Waco park. Brazos Park East is on a long stretch of the river across from some pretty limestone cliffs. It’s only semi manicured (I explored another disc golf course there, unless it’s part of the same course at Cameron Park, which I saw last year). The river is beautiful away from the city, though.

It looks wild, just a mile from the city.

I enjoyed some pretty lagoons full of turtles and, from all the shells I found, crawfish. I know what the beautiful Yellow-crowned Night Heron I saw was chowing down on!

I heard over 20 bird species over the traffic noise, which isn’t bad. A Red-eyed Vireo was the star of today’s birdsong show. I enjoyed it and all its friends. There were many dragonflies out, too.

A turtle that didn’t jump off as soon as I aimed the phone at it!

After the nature and human friend time, we headed home to the familiar animals and people.

Blue-fronted dancer, at my birding station

The break was really good for me, and I think I’ll have a much more centered approach to work next week!

I discovered a Connie egg is perfect for displaying new nails.

Where Are You Going?

There’s an old sappy song going through my head right now.

Where are you going, my little one, little one?
Where are you going, my baby, my own?
Turn around and you’re two – turn around and you’re four
Turn around and you’re a young child going out of the door.

It came up when I was watching my friend Ellie, who’s going to have her second baby next month. I met her when she just started college, and now she’s got a career and beautiful family. I’m so happy to have watched her grow and mature over the years.

And to see Ellie and her husband, Jimmy, with their older daughter just warms my heart. They’ve done a great job raising a polite, intelligent, and charming little girl. I enjoyed spending time with her, drawing, problem solving her strange pen, and trying out the child’s binoculars I got her. The binoculars came with a whistle. She really liked the whistle.

Lord of the Rings themed decor. Baby Charles Christopher has a LOTR mural in his room.

Ruby can even read already! My heart burst from pent-up love, I guess. I don’t know how I’d cope if I had grandchildren and could see them all the time. To get to watch the child of your own children grow up is a real privilege. (I respect my children’s decision not to reproduce, so I’m glad to have bonus grandchildren.)

I want those hair things. I didn’t want to share Ruby’s face, but you can see her hair! That’s what mine looked like—same color and curls.

I also made a new friend and got two new friends on my Finch app. All in all, I had a good day, and didn’t mind one bit driving to Round Rock in the rain. Yes! We got 1.8”! The ponds filled. Joy!

Exploring to the Extent I Could

It was a pretty darn good camping day. I even got to do more traditional nature activities than I did yesterday. After coffee I’d planned to hike at the other unit a few miles away. Instead I went on a fun hike with my new friend Sue along the trails named after birds here at the main camping unit at Choke Canyon State Park.

Sue’s a solo nomad camper, with just her dogs. I admire that! We have a lot in common, including horses, so we had a lot to talk about.

However, the scenery frequently left us wordless, because there were so many butterflies around. There were many Queens and Buckeyes, but the best part was that there were dozens and dozens of American Snouts fluttering around the trails. It must be their migration time.

I have always enjoyed the Snouts. A few years ago, we went to a cabin with family during the Snout migration, and I still have great memories of these little guys and gals flowing in a steady stream as we watched from the porch.

Snouts are feisty, too. We saw them chasing the larger Queens quite pugnaciously. What fun.

We did see some Monarchs, but none ever stopped long enough to photograph.

And some of my photos were bad, like this Funereal Duskywing

Other fun sights came when we went down the concrete jetty trail near the concession stand (closed due to the lake being so low there are few fishing visitors). I was thrilled to see a Ruby-throated Hummingbird enjoying the tubular blossoms of tree tobacco plants. I thought the hummers were all gone.

Anyway, it’s very pleasant to have someone to hike with, especially here, since there really aren’t all that many birds around right now. And it was warm, but not too hot.

Later, i had to take a sad football game break, since my team wasn’t doing great. I went over to the “swimming area” to look at clams and water plants. I also found some very pretty purple flowers called Gregg’s Tube Tongue (Justicia pilosella). I’m a sucker for anything that looks like a violet!

Lee and I went off to the South Unit. They didn’t even have staff at the gate, because it’s so dry that boaters can’t get into the lake easily. We explored the lake shore, which had swaths of marsh fleabane teeming with American Buckeye butterflies. We had lots of fun with them.

Next, we drove over to the dam that contains the Frío River to create the lake. I was very disappointed to find out the road across the dam was closed. I’d really wanted to look for shore birds near the dam. I did see one Great Egret with my binoculars and determined that the white birds I’d seen were buoys to keep boats away from the dangerous part of the lake. Sigh.

We enjoyed dinner outside and that was the end of a pretty good day.

Ooh! I forgot to mention we saw javelina on our way to the dam. Good thing!

Appreciate Your Community

Because of life constraints I don’t get to see some of the people who mean the most to me. You know who you are.

For that reason it was so gratifying to spend time just relaxing and talking to my friend Anita this evening. Even though we only live five miles away, it’s hard to get together right now thanks to work and a geriatric dog.

But we did get to have some of our talks like only people who’ve known each other over half a century can have. I feel lots better just from the in-person check-in (as opposed to social media and text).

We all chatted on the new porch. Now I’ve had two friend visits here!

It makes me want to see a few other close friends even more. All the busyness and over/scheduling just makes it hard. Well, and me being a hermit and wanting to avoid big cities and crowds doesn’t help.

I’m grateful for Zoom/Teams chats and wish I had more. Maybe I should schedule some! Taking action is a skill I’m still working on, for sure! If you want to chat with me or someone you care about, do it! Make a plan. I’ll try to take my own advice.

It’s a full moon, so I can manifest more sociability.

But to those of you I care about and don’t talk to often, know you’re in my thoughts more than you could imagine. My brain is filled with community. Now to maintain it…

Pausing for Grief

My friend Gail died today. She was one of my small circle of high school friends who chat frequently. So, today am taking time to remember this strong, resilient, funny woman. Probably gonna do more of that tomorrow.

Four of us who struggled through high school together: me, Anita, Gail, Jana

I feel the worst for Jana, who lost her best friend today. Wow they were lucky to have each other to share tragedy and joy.

I bet Gail had no idea what she meant to some of us. We need to remind those we care about that we do care, through ups, downs, absences, and all that. Go hug your dear friends, or call, or text. I did a lot of that today. So glad for true friends, old and new.

We also lost this sweet high school friend recently. His presence is missed. I keep wondering why I haven’t seen him in social media.

And the tarot cards were eerie again. Yesterday was the 9 of Swords, grief. That was me, knowing Gail was failing.

Today was 6 of Cups, that healing circle of friends.

It looks like our group, with one friend transformed and swimming off.

Let’s Just Be Kind

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

Seems that this here blog prompt wants us to brag on ourselves about some spectacular kind thing we’ve done for someone. I don’t feel like doing that.

I don’t have to follow instructions! Here are basil blossoms.

Instead, I’ll share how I manifest my small and unspectacular acts of kindness. In a nutshell, I just make an effort to see the humanity of people I come across, even when I’m tired, hungry, in a hurry, or distracted. It’s hard to do! Perhaps that’s why I mentally pat myself on the back when I’m kind under pressure.

Treating people who serve you your food or check you out at a store like someone worth knowing and sharing a kind word with is usually pretty easy and always very kind. I’ve had some great conversations that way!

Bonus: Lee bought and repotted this lovely angel-wing begonia for the porch. He also got the screens clean! He did a kindness for me!

Waving at people going down the road, that lets them know you remember a human is in that car. So I do that.

At work I try to check in with folks, to remind me that they’re not just annoying employees and remind them I’m not just the weird Planview lady.

I have a long history of being that weird lady, though.

No need to go on and on. I truly feel that the best kindnesses we can bestow are when we could most easily skip them. I find it takes no more energy to be kind than to be grumpy, though often being kind makes you stop and think about what you’re doing. And voila! you’re being kinder to yourself.

In more mundane news, I started August with dusty violet hair (way more subtle) and purple geode nails. It’s already Lammas, the first harvest celebration. The year is flying by.

I drove to College Station all by myself this afternoon to go to dinner with friends. Great food, fun stories of war, crime, and peace…and even some pleasant live music. Tomorrow I may seek out a park and birds.

Tarot card of the day

The Hanged One, or the Tree in the Gaian Tarot. It’s about keeping your center even when things get topsy turvy. I love the sky in the upside down yoga woman (tree pose)’s outfit.

I have more confidence than usual that I’m handling all the world’s weirdness. Hope it lasts!

Vibes, Prayers, and Intent

Two dear friends had surgery today. These women have given me great support, encouragement, and caring in the many years I’ve known them. They are two of the most thoughtful and loving people I’ve ever met, so naturally they were in my thoughts today.

I told my husband how relieved I was when I heard they were both home and starting the next phases of recovery. He probably thinks I’m a bit bonkers for caring about so many of my old colleagues from the nonprofit years, but we went through so much together. I owe them my loyalty as so many have been so good to me.

The way I thought about my friends all day made me muse about how handy it would be if I had some sky dude to pray to. But even when I tried to pray as a child, I always thought God would get more of a feeling than my laundry list of specific entreaties. Nonetheless I find myself doing my pagan Buddhist version of sending out Lovingkindness aimed toward the West Coast of North America, where my friends are. I just feel it in my bones that positive intent has an effect on us.

No doubt humans have an instinctual drive to try to make things better for friends and family. And for all I know the vibes I send out may help. They help me, at least, to feel connected. I’ve heard that people recover better when they know others are cheering them on, but I’m not sure. I can hope!

Perhaps if folks spent more time sending positive energy and good intent out and less time blaming others for sickness, natural disasters, and all that, we’d start to think and behave differently. To make the world better takes more than thoughts and prayers, of course, but if it leads to action, maybe humanity could slow the downward spiral we and our planet are in.

I’m off to beam out healing vibes now. Good night.