advice – The Hermits' Rest

It’s Like Riding a Bicycle – Information, Not Advice

List the people you admire and look to for advice…

Okay, I’m not going to list everyone I admire! Some of them do t want to be blogged about, anyway. And advice? An organization I used to work for had a catchphrase something like, “Offer information, don’t give advice.” I rarely ask for advice these days. But I appreciate information from trusted sources.

That said, I have always found doing tarot card readings to be a way of providing information and perspectives without giving advice. You get some ideas from archetypal images and let the person you’re reading for draw their own conclusions. Ideally.

Celtic cross with significator, using Babylonian Tarot.

I hadn’t been reading cards much. The reading above was years ago in a previous post. Since 2018, I haven’t really wanted any insights into things around me, sort of feeling like ignorance may be bliss. But I’ll read if asked.

So today I was asked. I then realized my favorite Robin Wood deck was hiding somewhere in my Austin house stuff. And I was feeling rusty, especially since the only deck I could find that wasn’t overly cutesy was one with alternative names for suits, and worse, had labels on the cards giving them meanings I didn’t necessarily want to hear.

This cheerful card did come up. The good news is no one can stab you any more. They’re out of swords.

However, the reading went fine. Like riding a bicycle, it all comes back. I just love looking at what is laid out and seeing a gestalt of what the cards are hinting at before looking at details. That is FUN. And helping people with problems look at things from a new perspective is rewarding. (Plus I got to talk to an old friend.)

Maybe if I locate one of the decks I’m more comfortable with, I’ll do more, just not for me or my family. I have a friend who’s a professional tarot reader who doesn’t do family readings.

(I’m sure somewhere in this blog I talk more about out tarot and how I use it, so in a few words, no I don’t predict the future and no it’s not a parlor trick. It’s intuition and archetypes.)

I’m glad I was home and able to spontain a tarot reading, since not much else happened today. More rain and wetness! 100% humidity means I had big hair. I did get to see a big ole jackrabbit, which is pretty rare here, and continued to get the buntings more comfortable with me. I enjoy both the painted and indigo ones singing and flitting around.

You can practically tell that this is a bird! They’re getting closer!

I hope you have trustworthy advisors, but even more, I hope you have the wisdom to make your own decisions based on good information, and if you get a tarot reading, don’t take it literally. That’s my advice.

Advice to Me, Then and Now

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

You’re not as special as you think you are.
But you’re worthy of love just the way you are.
Those are hormones talking. La la la la, stop listening to them.
You’re right; most of your relatives ARE mentally ill.
It’s okay to change your plans for the future.
Someday you’ll get a horse.

The Best Advice (and horse stories)

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Gee, y’all, I’ve received a lot of good advice. I’ve been lucky to surround myself with wise women (and some treasured wise men), so good advice has flowed my way. Plus I read Brené Brown, so I’ve read a lot of good advice too.

But I’m supposed to share the best advice I ever received. I’ll share the on that came to my mind first.

Don’t let other people be your mirror.

My therapist, Victoria, used to say that when I would get all upset and believe what some of the more negative people in my life said about me. I’d keep seeing myself like my ex looked at me, people at jobs, etc. This advice helped me learn to value my own assessment of myself. I think back to it whenever I dive deep into self pity or negative self talk.

Maybe it will help you.

Horse Stories

I’ve been trying to not write about my horses, but sometimes I just want to share. And it IS my blog!

First. Today I was taking a walk to the mailbox (it’s my reward for editing three job aids). I looked over and saw good old Dusty grazing peacefully between me and the pond. I vaguely recognized the other horses were on the other side of the pond, next to the road.

Suddenly there came a thundering sound and, followed by splashing and branches snapping. Drew appeared from under the willow trees, running at full speed. He had run along the muddy shore of the pond and emerges with nostrils flaring and tail tossing. He galloped straight to poor Dusty, chomped him on the shoulder, them proceeded to buck, kick, and fling himself around like he was electrified.

Once he stopped, he nipped Dusty again then zoomed back to the other side of the pond, poked the other two horses, fell to his knees and rolled.

I wonder what was going on?

Second. Apache has been feeling better, and did fine on two fairly short rides since our last lesson. But today he was not happy when I tried to do a bit more work now that the weather broke slightly. He did the absolutely frightening thing where he shakes his head violently to get the reins out of my hands, puts his head down, kicks, and takes off. I am very proud that I have not fallen off.

Actually, I’m getting way better at getting the reins back, trying to relax, and getting him to stop, some of the time. Otherwise he heads toward the tack room like his life depends on it.

I figured it would not be a good idea to give him the idea that the ride will be over if he does this, so I let him sit and rest a while at the tack room, then got him to walk fairly calmly to the round pen where his halter was. He thinks that is also a place to stop, so he went along with it.

But I am proud of myself that I got him to make some figure eights, and sidepass (fairly well). When I got off, I decided to let him know the work doesn’t always end when his halter is back on. We went on a nice walk around the area, dearth with a scary dumpster very well, then had some nice together time where I let him graze on some long grass that’s way better for him than the new grass in his pasture.

I hope I did well, He was sure calmer by the time I took off his saddle. I just sometimes think I’m not cut out for this horse stuff. I’m STILL not a very good horse leader, apparently.

PS: Drew has been just fine. I love his trot.

Information Rather Than Advice: Again

Another thing they used to say in La Leche League was that we preferred to give information rather than advice. I’ve talked about this before, but I have feelings about it. So here I am again.

When we were helping women with their babies, we’d let them know what we knew, what the current research says, and what our friends had experienced with their babies. Women would listen to all the information, then make up their own minds about what would work for their families. We had run into so many mother-baby pairs that we knew what is best for one might not be the best for another.

A mother-baby pair where the baby is the mother’s size

And you know, people seemed to like that approach. Lecturing and saying “you should” often makes people shut right down. People tend to dislike hearing that they are wrong, and often spend a lot of time justifying their own actions rather than taking in new ideas and considering them.

Goldie likes it when I read her a bedtime story

I’ve chosen to take that approach and apply it to potential “arguments” and conversations. Ooh, and I also apply it to exchanges on social media. I find my own self shutting down when I mention an issue I’m having only to find half the world telling me what I should do. It feels like people are ordering me around, even though I know perfectly well that, in their minds, they are giving suggestions! Thus, I try to answer anyone’s questions to make it clear that I’m just giving one data point, not my authoritative expert declaration.

As I recently read, the older you get the more you realize you aren’t an expert at anything! You know you have more to learn. The more you know the more you realize you don’t know, or something like that.

After 4 years as a Master Naturalist, I know I don’t know much at all about the nature of Texas. But I’m happy.

I got to thinking about this when I was reading a book (Getting along with Horses: an Evolution in Understanding) by Crissy McDonald, the spouse of Mark Rashid. She talked about mentioning sharing a photo of a horse that was hobbled (a way to keep them from wandering off when you don’t have a fence). Now, she knew what she was doing, the horse had been trained to be comfortable with the hobbles, etc. But people on social media just started yelling at her that she was abusing animals…before asking her pertinent things like what the horse’s experience with this was, how was she using the technique, etc. There was no effort to be curious about what she shared.

Sigh. Been there myself! Seen it happen to others so many times. I know that there are people who increase their self esteem by putting others down to build themselves up. I know there are people who honestly believe they are experts on most things. There are folks who just love to argue/debate. There are people who just don’t know much social etiquette. Like Crissy, I do my best to send good thoughts to people like that and simply not engage. You’re not going to teach these “experts” anything. They don’t want YOUR lecture any more than you want theirs, right?

Buy the way, I’m done with cat butts for a while. I gave 8 of them to Dorothy tonight.

So, treasure those around you who are willing to pass out information and let you decide for yourself how to use that information in your unique situation.

Consider, after reading all my information, using the techniques of just offering up things you know, experiences you’ve had, or opinions, not getting all invested in whether your input is acted on. Perhaps the other person has something going on that makes your information inapplicable, and that’s no reflection on you (or me).

Well, I got that off my chest. Two rants in a row. Whew.

Tornado Precautions You May Not Have Thought Of

Having just gone through yet another tornado warning around here, it’s been a common topic of discussion this week. I was talking to Lynn Hagan, who’s a social worker and Board Member with the Red Cross (as well as a part-time resident in a tornado-prone place), this morning. She told me of some precautions they’ve been sharing where she is in Mississippi, where tornadoes often come at night. I hadn’t heard of some of these, so I’m sharing.

Nope, not gonna PTSD myself and share tornado damage pictures. Here’s some Texas toadflax.

First, be sure to wear shoes when you go into your shelter area. Think about it. It could be quite a mess with glass, splinters of wood, and sharp pieces of metal when you come out. Shoes are good. I have waterproof steel-toe cowboy boots right outside our shelter, so I’ll be sure to grab them.

The boots in question will be a cheery post-disaster walkabout tool.

Second, keep some kind of head protection in your shelter. They recommended bike helmets, old football helmets, and such. I thought of horse-riding helmets, of course, but I’m not going to store them in the house. I’ll get my bike helmet. I cracked up when Lynn said the weather forecaster on their television station said that if you didn’t have those, you surely have a crawfish pot you can put over your head!

Pillows and blankets are helpful, too, not because you might be sleeping, but to protect your body. I am glad our storm room is also where we store pillowy soft toilet paper and paper towels. I’ll just pile them on.

Did you think I was kidding? (The red thing is the icemaker we needed when we had a relative staying here who went through a LOT of ice.)

And finally, here’s a good one. Keep an air horn in your shelter area. What, you don’t own an air horn? Well, what do you do at sporting events, just ring a really loud bell, like I do? Joking…what Lynn said she did was to get the Air Horn app on her phone. She played it for me. It was plenty loud. This will help if you are buried under rubble and people are looking for you.

I will now breathe and contemplate this photo of morning mist.

I am thinking these precautions could be useful in other situations, too. No doubt there are other things I could be storing in the butler’s pantry, so prepper friends, feel free to share other ideas.