I’m only writing to keep a blogging streak going. I was so boring yesterday that only 36 people visited the site. It’s a good reason I just like to hear myself talk, or read my writing, or something. And I’m only going to get more and more boring if I keep working so many hours.
I’ll still try to take a few nice photos when I can get outside.
To put a positive spin on things, if I’m being boring, it means I’m not letting outside events upset me, I’m enjoying my family/pets, and my dull hobbies are satisfying me.
This could be a painting.
So if you got this far, feel free to suggest something interesting to write about, or I’ll do the wise thing and not blog until I have something blog worthy.
This could be a painting, too. So many greens.
PS: don’t watch Lost in Space (new version) if you’re one of those people who expect their science fiction to be at least somewhat plausible.
This was yesterday’s blog prompt, but I waited to address it until today, because I really had to think hard about the answer. I dutifully ran my mind through a long list of people I know, trying to figure out who could be the most confident.
Just a pretty fern. I hope it stays healthy.
Every single time I thought about anyone who portrays an air of confidence, I’d stop myself and say, no, not that person. I know all their struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Or I know they have imposter syndrome, or they put on a confident shell to hide under.
And in every case, I realized how much I admire them. How impressive it is that they go out and do what needs to be done with an easy, confident manner. That takes strength and most important, self awareness. Anyone who knows themselves well can see their strengths and weaknesses and choose how to behave in ways that bring out their best.
I also admire those who don’t act confident but try anyway. I value their insights and contributions, too. There are lots of us out there!
This stink bug introduces the bad side of confidence.
It seems to me that the only people I know who act confident when they really shouldn’t be are those who really don’t know themselves well, either because they’re incapable of it or don’t care to try. They always want to tell you how interesting they are and are extra fond of the sound of their own voices.
I can do without those over-confident types, whether they hold high political offices or stalk you on Facebook.
This fine wolf spider stalked me on my chair. I let it be.
What’s my conclusion? I guess it’s that acting confident in what you do, even when you have nagging doubts, is the kind of confidence we need more of.
Today I just had to take it easy, so other than listening to birds and feeding animals, I didn’t do much today.
I felt like this little one. Just resting.
It was a good birding day, which always seems to happen after rain. I’m waiting for the sparrows to go, since the swallows are back. My most exciting sighting today was this tiger moth. I’m not quite sure which species, but I’m hoping it’s an “agreeable tiger moth.”
Pretty and fuzzy
I read a lot today, then Lee and I watched most of the new Young Sherlock television series. It’s quite good, with excellent sets—more lovely English countryside. The weirdest part is that Colin Firth plays a bad guy, and with his 1800s beard and hair, he resembles Senator Ted Cruz, a lot. I would not have imagined that before.
Mostly, I’m pretty tired, I guess from Daylight Savings Time. But I sure like having more time to play with horses in late afternoon!
I think I’ll take a cue from Harvey, seen here sleeping off a snake bite. He’s ok now.
Something I read on social media reminded me of how much I dislike being told to smile. My response to the person writing about it was that I’m not a dog performing tricks on command. I guess that makes me a disobedient bitch. Ha ha.
Slightly less disobedient bitch.
I ordered Pampered Chef stuff, because my ground beef masher broke and I wanted another baking dish. It helped Kathleen and I got stuff I wanted that will last a long time. My off-brand masher thing only lasted two years. Not good.
I’m enjoying my new afghan’s colors. I’m happy to have numerous projects again.
I’m missing one finished color. Two more to crochet
There had been an old television in my office for a very long time. My son took it away! Space!
I’m still figuring out work stuff, but my great attitude is making it easier. Yes. I have a great attitude. See, I’ve matured.
Not smiling but not getting upset at change.
I still don’t understand the appeal of crotch clutching in musical performances. I accept that the popular culture bus has driven off and left me.
But his heart was in the right place. Wish he’d clutched that.
I have been working hard the past five years or so to stay strong, see the good in the world around me, and like myself.
Damn. That takes a lot of energy. I had to spend an hour today being my confident, most impressive self. I did very well. But once I was done, I kind of deflated.
Right now I just want to sink into the floor and disappear. I’m feeling so despondent about how the powerful abuse the powerless, how fragile friendships can be, and how hard it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
My crafting compulsion kept me company. I have cute little rose gold squares to share.
Tomorrow I have to get up and lead a webinar and be kind but firm as I go over more changes in how to use the software I support. I enjoy helping folks out, a lot. It’s simply difficult to muster the energy to project confidence and be clear as I go over complex topics. Confidence, clarity, complexity. That last “c” makes the first two challenging.
I know I’m not alone in feeling burned out from trying to project hope and confidence. I say we all need to give ourselves permission to rest, recover, and recharge as often as needed. It’s not a sign of weakness!
Time to breathe
I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning and enjoy the presentation. if not, I’ll do it anyway.
Oh my, I don’t even recognize myself this week. You see, one of my “features” is that I love organizing things, but paradoxically, I let things get very disorganized when I get upset about whatever it is. (Expect a disorganized tack room in the future).
When I was a younger person, all my books were organized by fiction, nonfiction, and crafts, and in high school I made my own card catalog and record album catalog. No Excel yet to make spreadsheets. So I’ve always liked cataloging and organizing objects I love.
I’m no longer so organized.
As a teen, I also loved nail polish and organized my bottles by color, along with my friend Lynn. It kept us out of trouble!
We didn’t have such fancy stuff in the 70s.
I still love nail polish, an odd but fairly harmless hobby. I’ve found that I enjoy nail strips made from real polish to work well for me. I’m good at putting them on (due to being crafty), and they remove with plain nail polish remover—so much easier on my nails than salon manicures. Um, this is all to say that in the past 4-5 years I’ve worn and accumulated some strips. (understatement)
So, my pusher…I mean nail lady…hooked me up with an app that tracks the stuff I use. I entered all the ones I’d already used (I’d posted it in a Facebook group) and then entered all the ones I have, conveniently organized by color and such. I do like organization. Voilà.
The used ones
and more
The ones in waiting. I use one set a week. I probably don’t need any more.
But hey. It’s organized! Now go off and laugh at me for having a weird and wasteful hobby. I don’t blame you and also don’t care. I think we’re all entitled to odd pastimes as long as they aren’t putting us deep in debt. And I’m not. I realize that this, and a few other hobbies (yarn, shoes) will have to go bye-bye once I retire and am on a fixed income. I’m already not spending as much on horses…
All this cleaning means my hat is moving slowly.
So instead of worrying about all that, I’m doing that organizing stuff I do every few years or so. Yep. That’s the rate at which I organize my craft material. Thanks to those fine new shelves I wrote about last time, I took advantage of having more space in my office closet to drag all my yarn and craft books out of the storage container and put them away.
So many books, though that isn’t all.
I’m ridiculously proud of myself for getting this done. I got rid of a lot of stuff I don’t need, and collected many odds and ends of very nice yarn to share with my next-door neighbor. Many boxes went out the door! Yes! I de-cluttered!
More books and supplies.
Of course, the books are not in any order yet, and I need to sort the yarn by weight better than it is now. At least I have pretty stuff to look at, and all my needles are in one place. I had too many things in too many tote bags. That’s a common knitter/crocheter thing!
There is even some decor. What?
I also have my embroidery, needlepoint, and weaving stuff all together. I know where everything is for the first time since I left my house in Brushy Creek. That feels good.
Some bags have projects or future projects in them. A calendar!Not sure what’s at upper left. I’ll go through it. The giant boxes are more yarn to sort. The bottom bag has SO many knitting needles.
Here I go down my emotional wormhole…
In this big clean-up, I got rid of a lot of the emotional baggage from people who made doing my hobby less than fun. It’s like with the horses—I need to separate the things I love (knitting, horses) from people who hurt me deeply. It’s about time in that knitting thing! But I got through the La Leche League stuff, the mean dog guy here in Cameron, and (mostly) my psychotic sister. I can do this!
So, I wonder if I’m brave enough to tackle my clothes closet? I have so much to pare down there. It needs a cleanse of negative energy! Who’s hiding in there?
Look! A prompt I haven’t already answered! And on a day I’m too tired of thinking to write anything coherent. So, sure, I’ll tell you what books I’d like to read!
Sunset was pretty 360° around this evening
I want to read books about horses, birds, dogs, wildlife, native plants, and weird nature facts. I want to read about science, language, and (factual) history. I want to read about ways to make the world a better place and the people who do so.
Looking east past our outbuildings
I want to read about fiber arts, fiber artists, and the history of everyday things. I want to read about architecture, interior design, and clothing design to learn more about creating beautiful spaces and cozy surroundings.
And pattern instructions. I like reading them. More on my hat tomorrow.
I want to read about how to keep my mind and body healthy and how to nurture relationships with others.
The pale one says “you matter.”
I want to read stories about ordinary people facing life’s challenges in ways that inspire me and make me laugh.
I’ll never run out of things to read. Being able to read and write is one privilege I cling to with deep gratitude. It’s hard to separate “me” from all the words (and images) around me. And I treasure the unique words and images of others. I’d rather read a messy and ungrammatical article than something made bland and perfect by machines.
You have to go past ice to get out of here.
Wishing safety and warmth to all of us still dealing with cold, ice, and snow.
The cold front arrived and we got down to 16°F, with a high of only 24° so my blanket square for today will be all purple! That and getting to watch this hawk on my big stump were the big highlights for my day.
We missed most of the snow, so it was more of an ice festival than winter wonderland outside.
With our fairly rough expectations in previous arctic blasts, our local family were all pleased we had heat (only got down to 64° downstairs and upstairs kept normal 67°). We were very relieved to find that the turkeys DID use their hut last night and most of today. I put water inside the chicken coop so they only had to go out to eat. It was kind of fun watching them skate around to get to food.
This animal was thrilled with the weather once the sleet stopped.
The horses spent a lot of time in their shelter, and had water, because Spice broke the ice with her hooves. She’s an equine survivalist. Tomorrow it should get above freezing and we will pry the food dishes out of the ice and they will be happier. They ate food off the ice just fine, though.
Just follow my lead
I spent most of the day bundled up under my 2025 blanket working on another hat with gray ombré yarn. I’ll add a red tassel! Oh, and there was football to watch and more people to talk to on phone, Zoom, and otherwise (young people next door came here for warm showers). That’s not bad for a cozy shut-in day!
Better than out here!
I did want to say one thing about current events: if you do not feel safe expressing yourself in front of other people, you’re not being unsupportive; you’re protecting yourself. Do whatever you can, as much as you can, but don’t let peer pressure bring on guilt. Some of us have safety in numbers and the means to do more than others. The goal is for most of us in this country to make it through this difficult time and emerge safe, strong, and ready to rebuild broken relationships and institutions.
Other countries have done it. Image from Jetpack image library.
I sound so optimistic. But it’s good to have hope.
Oh you know the phrase. Yes, everyone in the southeast of the USA knows a storm is coming. We’ve all bought bread, milk (ok, not me), flashlight batteries, and foods that don’t need refrigeration, so we can keep the doors shut if the Texas power grid fails again.
I don’t think the mistletoe will have problems with the weather unless the branch it’s on breaks.
Animals are safe, too. Got food and shelter. And Carlton is healing well. Relief.
My plans are to stay home and inside other than feeding equines and fowl. I have appropriate clothing for that.
Our winter red-stem storksbill will probably be fine, too.
Tomorrow I have lots of work to keep me busy and this weekend I have crafts (making a hat), reading, and talking to friends to occupy my time.
I’m better but leave me alone.
And I’m feeling better, thanks to my extended community. I’m so grateful.
I can’t say I’m doing all that well these days. Anxiety attacks are getting in the way of trying to live a reasonable life. One woke me up this morning! Geez! Everyone has times like this in their lives, to give them something to compare to when good times come along, right? Sure!
I write like a third grade student, sigh.
Today I found myself painting rocks while trying to organize a complicated piece of writing. I now see they were all messages to myself. That gave me a chuckle. They are still drying, so I’ll give you other recent messages.
This one will sit on my desk. This is the other side. I hug much more now than I used to.
It was too cold and cloudy to do much birding today, which didn’t help my mood. Tomorrow should be okay, so I’ll get out more and make Apache do things for no real reason. Maybe I’ll try to do some liberty work with him, or something.
My other new hobby seems to be painting things without enough contrast.
Honestly, today wasn’t all bad. Work was good and we finally started watching Star Fleet Academy, which is very Star Trek. In it, they’ve recovered from a huge disaster, and that positive outlook was nice to see.
Oh look, I colored, too.
By the way, thanks for your positive comments on my recent writings. It feels good to think I give people food for thought. I assure you that many of you inspire me!
The Hermits' Rest 