mental health – The Hermits' Rest

Oh, the spontaining!

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

Today my friend Martha, with whom I will be traveling soon, told our lunch group that she’s a planner. She has a long list of activities to do on the trip.

I thought to myself, that’s not me. I’m more of a “spontainer” when traveling. That’s Lee’s and my term for just picking a point and going. We often embark on trips with no concrete plans of our route or what we will do when we arrive. Thus, I’m having a hard time picking the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.

I’ll admit this. My current mental state is making it hard to dredge up memories—I have become comfortably numb, like in the old song. It will get better; I’m fairly sure I’m not suffering from cognitive decline more than the average person my age. I’m just having a surge in anxiety, which I’m working to understand (both intellectually and psychically).

Good thing I have these guys to soothe my symptoms.

Back to being spontaneous (which I know is not right for every occasion and which often benefits from a bit of planning to succeed). It occurs to me that I am not spontaneous about big things, just day-to-day choices with few consequences. That fits with my self image of not being a big risk taker. I’m now laughing at myself. The cautious spontainer, that’s me, always trying to be everything at once (I’m an extroverted introvert, too).

So, I didn’t get a good answer to the prompt, but I figured out something about myself. I’m definitely comfortable with having conflicting traits. I’m hoping this helps with flexibility and the cognitive dissonance required to feel comfortable at times like these. Maybe it will help me get over this mental struggle.

I forgot to wish you kind readers a happy equinox or Mabon yesterday. It’s still very hot here. To welcome the season I’m wearing a shirt that says, “My favorite season is the fall…of fascism.”

PS: maybe my most spontaneous act was walking into a salon and declaring I wanted to bleach my hair white and cut it very short. That wasn’t the plan that morning!

Super Suna strikes again

If you had to switch lives with a fictional character for a week, who would you choose?

I just had to respond, even if I’ve answered this before. I’d be Supergirl. Yep. Kara Zor-El of Argo City. I don’t think I’d be the one from any recent movies. I’d be Legion of Superheroes Kara from 1970s and 1980s DC Comics. I like that she’s smart but imperfect.

It was hard to find an image without a stupid “modern” costume.

She was always my favorite. My next-door neighbor Sandra Purvis and I spent hours and hours of our childhood running around in our neighborhood wearing towels as capes, pretending to be Supergirl and Phantom Girl. It was a great way to escape from our daily lives and pretend we were dating dashing teen boy Superheroes. She and I both spent a LOT of time in our imaginations.

Later on Anita and I were just as enamored of our Legion friends, though there was more script writing and less pretend play.

Here in the modern world I escape by hanging out in the outdoors, surrounding myself with dogs, as well as playing with pens and nail polish. Hmm. I also did that as a teen.

I’m feeling better, a bit, so after birding a bit, I did some cleanup around the porches of our house and threw some stuff away. I felt so powerful just making myself do something useful. There’s so much more to do, but I can tell I did something. The big cleanup will wait until it cools off. Besides, there were mosquitoes after me.

It may look like a mess, but it’s better.

I also made a happy discovery. Lee had bought some boxes to store old photos in. Meanwhile, I had been searching for better Color Street nail polish strip storage but finding nothing. I brought a polish package upstairs just to check, and lo and behold, it fit in the box. I didn’t need the little individual storage boxes, I thought. Then I realized I could use them to store the smaller packages that bonus sets come in. I felt like Super Suna for figuring that out. I’d been dissatisfied with my storage a long time.

There are probably two readers who find this interesting. Enjoy!

I guess it doesn’t take much to force a little self esteem back. I shall keep on trying!

PS: Wood Storks flew over the house last night. My yearly migration sighting!

I’ll be back soon

Just not quite myself, so I’m pretty boring. Highlights? It rained .03” yesterday. I have spent most of my time the past few days working (not today), doing necessities like feeding animals, listening to birds (migrating sandpipers are here), and reading.

Other than that, I’m coloring. Keeps anxiety attacks at bay.

Lee scanned these for me. They look better in person, because some of the colors have metallic sheens in a second color.

If pets could talk

If your pet could talk, what would be the first thing it says?

Feed me. Now I need a nap.

I’m worried about various illnesses. Dogs have bad allergies (Penney got steroids). Black widows are on the prowl again. My mental health is slipping—I can’t make myself do things i know I need to do. I just want to read.

I guess I couldn’t do much outside anyway, since they fertilized the field across the road and it smells like a very ripe diaper. I still have humor.

A book I regret reading

Have you ever regretted reading a book — which one and why?

Shoot, I wasn’t going to do the prompt today, but when I saw the question, the answer immediately popped into my head. I know the Sidney Lanier Elementary School librarian thought I was a mature child due to my vocabulary and reading skills. And I know she was aware that I loved books about horses. I’m guessing I’d pretty much gone through the entire horse collection during the hours Mrs. Atwater sent me away from the class so she could teach reading to the rest of the class in peace. But really. A ten-year-old girl is not a good candidate to read and appreciate the life lessons taught in John Steinbeck’s The Red Pony. Spoiler alert: the pony doesn’t fare well.

I don’t know if a 68-year-old highly sensitive adult woman who loves animals is a good candidate. Yep. I regret reading that book because it gave me many years of bad dreams.

Honestly, as hard as I’ve been trying, I feel like my attempts at seeing the good in the world, being friendly, and appreciating what I have can’t keep the mental struggles away. If you’re feeling down, too, I see you and commiserate. We can hold each other up. I’m here to listen, too. It keeps us connected.

Hey, look. It’s July and August of this year. Last year there were no pink days (over 100°) in the temperature blanket.

I do have things to bring a smile to my face, though. Kathleen gave me a very pretty tree of life hanging decoration and a whole set of matching coasters that she decorated herself. Each coaster is different!

Plus, I’m boosting my spirits by taking pride in doing hard things. For example, I’ve unpacked all my bags from my trip! And though I bought some shoes, I put three times as many in the donation boxes. Bonus: it’s been over a month and my closet is still all picked up. Look at meeee!

Note the empty space on the shoe shelves.

I will not dwell on the things I’ve not done that I should do. I’ll just try again tomorrow.

Book Report: The Myth of Normal

I am so glad I found The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture, by Gabor Maté and his son, Daniel (2022). I’m also glad I didn’t read it until now, because I needed to finish going through some enlightening experiences that would be useful as I slogged through 500 pages of fascinating information and insights.

I seem to have misplaced the dust jacket.

If you’re not a big fan of “the way things are” in medical care, mental health care, and the idea of the self, you’ll find a lot of information confirming your intuition and backing up your gut feelings. Maté does a great job of explaining the mind/body connection in more concrete terms than I usually read in Buddhist or pagan literature. Maybe it’s because I come from the dominant US culture, I can follow his more rational arguments better than completely spiritual commentary.

All I can say is that the points made about how psychic trauma affects our physical bodies and shapes our personalities all rang true to me. I got a lot of clarity about my own “stuff” as well as why others act the way they do.

The encouraging thesis in this book is that once you figure out what the source of your psychological pain is, you can address it, learn from it, and make future decisions without its input.

The result? I have tools at my disposal that I can use to continue my journey towards authenticity and autonomy. You do have to be willing to experience difficult memories or re-live unpleasant events from the past. That’s the hardest part. To me, it seems worthwhile. I want to be healthy!

If you’re open to new ideas that aren’t totally crackpot, just different, I’d recommend this book. And if you or someone you care about is dealing with any type of addiction, this or Gabor Maté’s earlier books are great, non-judgmental resources. His views of addiction are insightful and helped me understand why some of us are more prone to it than others. It helped me make sense of my own family.

Thanks for the kind words about Benny the dog. I’ll leave you with a beautiful female Painted Bunting who let me watch her work on her nest at twilight.

I Have a Phone Camera Again

That’s been the highlight of the past few days. I’ve taken some early spring flowers and recognizable birds.

You can tell this is a Great Blue Heron!

I’ve just not felt very emotionally connected these days. That makes it hard to blog. I’m just blanking my mind out and gliding through each day. I enjoy the birds, the poultry, the horses, and the changing weather.

It’s all fine. I’m just taking a break from the intensity. Voting means that I don’t have to listen to all the campaigning and can throw the daily collection of post cards from this Schwertner guy who keeps repeating the reasons I didn’t vote for him.

I did have some fun, sorta, when I helped Kathleen do some kitchen reorganizing and watched our manly men remove our old washer and dryer. Tomorrow the new ones show up. Dry clothing will be awfully nice.

I will need to do some cleaning first. Luckily, water spewed all over the place, thanks to an unhappy connection. Cleaned the floor!

Tomorrow I get to go hang out with some friends in nature. Yay. I’ll get to take more close-ups of late-winter new growth.

Plus I will keep crocheting. It’s probably why I’m so zoned out.

Two colors of the solid squares for my blanket. Don’t worry, temperature blanket is moving along on schedule.

My mental state will head back up. It always does. In the meantime I’ll enjoy my numbness.

Just a Bit o’ Nature

I’m so tired. Trying to work and take in the negativity in the world takes a lot of energy.

The best part of the day was that it warmed up enough to go sit with the birds for a half hour after work. Bluebirds were singing and singing for some reason, which was heavenly. And so many woodpeckers, including Flickers, added to the chorus.

That helped.

Tomorrow is a long day of stressful meetings. At least there are few days like that in this job.

Just keep doing your best. That’s my goal.

The Calm before…

Oh you know the phrase. Yes, everyone in the southeast of the USA knows a storm is coming. We’ve all bought bread, milk (ok, not me), flashlight batteries, and foods that don’t need refrigeration, so we can keep the doors shut if the Texas power grid fails again.

I don’t think the mistletoe will have problems with the weather unless the branch it’s on breaks.

Animals are safe, too. Got food and shelter. And Carlton is healing well. Relief.

My plans are to stay home and inside other than feeding equines and fowl. I have appropriate clothing for that.

Our winter red-stem storksbill will probably be fine, too.

Tomorrow I have lots of work to keep me busy and this weekend I have crafts (making a hat), reading, and talking to friends to occupy my time.

And I’m feeling better, thanks to my extended community. I’m so grateful.

Self Encouragement

I can’t say I’m doing all that well these days. Anxiety attacks are getting in the way of trying to live a reasonable life. One woke me up this morning! Geez! Everyone has times like this in their lives, to give them something to compare to when good times come along, right? Sure!

I write like a third grade student, sigh.

Today I found myself painting rocks while trying to organize a complicated piece of writing. I now see they were all messages to myself. That gave me a chuckle. They are still drying, so I’ll give you other recent messages.

This is the other side. I hug much more now than I used to.

It was too cold and cloudy to do much birding today, which didn’t help my mood. Tomorrow should be okay, so I’ll get out more and make Apache do things for no real reason. Maybe I’ll try to do some liberty work with him, or something.

My other new hobby seems to be painting things without enough contrast.

Honestly, today wasn’t all bad. Work was good and we finally started watching Star Fleet Academy, which is very Star Trek. In it, they’ve recovered from a huge disaster, and that positive outlook was nice to see.

By the way, thanks for your positive comments on my recent writings. It feels good to think I give people food for thought. I assure you that many of you inspire me!