Little Rewards

The big thing I did yesterday was get a hair cut, which I hadn’t done since Kalea moved so far away and only works when I’m in Cameron. I found a place on the way to therapy and showed up on the wrong day, but it was okay. The lady who cut my hair was funny, my age, and did a perfectly reasonable job. Whew. Finding someone to cut your hair is HARD. I deserved a reward.

Since we worked so hard Monday, Anita and I capitalized on a break in the heat by sitting on the deck in a civilized fashion. We drank wine from the wine fridge and I twirled around in my white linen dress (which Vlassic managed not to get dirty).

Looking more and more like my granny every day. But happy.

I felt so relieved after reorganization stress at work. Every little thing looked beautiful to me. Even hybrid flowers got my love. Plants really do help with stress and anxiety (my eye stopped twitching, even).

Portulaca hybrid

I’m concerned about my nipple cactus. It looks like it’s imploding, though it has lots of babies. I’ll have to look this turn of events up.

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The Storm Passes

Last night we had quite a strong storm pass over the Bobcat Lair, our Austin house. Just as we were emerging from our dungeon…I mean, office, to go pick up some plants, the sky let loose.

The edge of this little storm front stayed over our house a long time.

That was okay with me, since I was dealing with that panic attack/anxiety thing last night. I went into self-care mode and concentrated on my own needs.

I burned candles, smelled appropriate aromatherapy oils and blends, watched HGTV, and finally sat in my room and meditated for a half hour.

See, there’s a reason my notebook says “omm” and I have a little crystal ball on my desk. You never know when the need to empty one’s mind will come up.

The best thing about the storm was that we ate dinner early and went to bed early, thereby enabling me to get enough sleep. I’ve noticed that my antsy days tend to be when I haven’t slept enough, which is usually Mondays (I have to get up early to drive to Austin).

A few minutes after the first picture. Eventually, storm clouds will pass.

Today I’m still feeling sensitive to “stuff” around me, but I’ve been able to get much work done, even a meeting with the boss of my boss’s boss. I am back to myself!

You’re TOO Sensitive

My gosh, have I heard that little put-down way too many times in my life. It mostly came from my father. Sometimes it came from my mother or my brother or my sister, or especially my grandmother. Whoever said it got me even more huffy. Soon I’d cry and ALSO be a crybaby.

Baby Suna? (My scary mask)

Being sensitive was a part of my nature. I couldn’t exactly become someone else just so they could insult me with great impunity and not feel bad about it.

I’m bringing that up now, because I’ve finally developed the skill of not taking other people’s insults, snipes, and passive aggressive digs to heart. So that’s good. Yep.

I guess lightning this red candle will help?

But. I’m still sensitive. This linguist can handle words better, but I’m annoyingly sensitive to the moods, affect, and unspoken signals of others. Sometimes it’s general malaise, like after an election. Other times someone in my close circle sends out signals of distress or negativity and it gets me.

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A Perspective on Anxiety

Hi, friends. I interrupt this period of “hermiting” to share a little bit of what I’ve learned about myself and how I handle stress and anxiety now as opposed to how I used to. I’m hoping it might help someone else to at least realize they aren’t the only ones with these confounding symptoms.

As we know, nature is a great thing for dealing with anxiety.
Like in a game of Giant Jenga, anxiety can make you feel like just one more thing will cause you to crash.

I’m lucky that a combination of a low dose of an anti-depressant, meditation, yoga, and a good therapist mean that I don’t have the generalized, daily, anxiety symptoms I used to. It’s just when things pile up or there’s some big new stress source (just family stuff; it’s okay) that my old symptom friends make a rare appearance.

For one thing, when that happens, I think to myself, “Oh, there are my symptoms again…I’d better pay attention to what is going on and see if I can ameliorate something and nip this in the bud.” In the past, I’d just wallow, think about how I must be at fault and must have caused this myself, and feel helpless.

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