I can forgive a lot of things in my friends. I don’t expect them to be perfect or nice or generous. What I appreciate the most is that my real friends like me the way I am and don’t put me down.
It’s lovely, just as it is.
I never want any more “friendships” with conditions on them, where I have to act in ways that don’t feel genuine, or that are based on what I can do for them. I’m fine with that.
And I will remind myself that, with very few exceptions, your coworkers are not your friends. They are people you are cordial with to make getting your work done bearable. (Bear in mind that I married a coworker (twice), became a business partner with a coworker, and still call a former coworker my dearest friend.)
Former coworker and dog friend.
I just need some people in my life I can be myself around without having to walk on eggshells or pretend I’m someone I’m not. And I’m very uninterested in hearing how I should behave, why people don’t like me, or that I’m not woke/unwoke enough. Those folks aren’t in the friend zone anymore.
Bunny is becoming a friend
I don’t need many close friends for a happy life. I have just enough. And interacting with my informal friend groups and like/minded acquaintances can let me have lots of fun—I just have to be more guarded in the larger circle. That’s probably true for most of us.
Suna’s rambling again! I better hide!
And I still care deeply for so, so many people I don’t know well or who may not think all that much of me. I just care about folks.
More storms today. Just wind again, though
I am fortunate to have a few very accepting friends, though, and not all of them are dogs and horses! Thanks, friends!
Have we met? If we have, you probably know I’m not a fan of organized religion. It seems like whenever some spiritual leader comes along, followers start twisting their teachings around to justify their agendas. I’ll stop there and let the reader come up with their own examples. It’s not hard to do.
No illustrations go with this blog so enjoy some bugs.
I’ve tried, of course. I always liked church as a kid because there was singing. In harmony. I liked that. The inconsistency of the teachings? Not so much.
Enjoy cute dogs
I have tried a couple of other paths, but each started trying to say “my doctrine is better than yours” (even Wicca/neopaganism) and I got disinterested in any organized activity. Even Buddhists can start telling you how you should and shouldn’t practice. Fine for those people. Not for me. And the songs for both groups aren’t much fun.
Enjoy more hardy flowers.
I did stick with UnitarIan Universalism for a long time. The music was excellent and I got to be in a folk group, a choir, and a rock band. But power struggles, infighting, and most of all, the oppressive political correctness mandates got to be too much for me. I got to where I was afraid to speak, because someone would give me a lecture on how I triggered them, used last week’s correct labels, or missed a pronoun. (Note that I do my best to keep up and love everyone in all the trigger-prone communities). I’m just old and slow even as I try to learn (this statement will lead to a lecture on how I COULD do better if I tried, so I’m a sucky ally).
Enjoy the cutest toad
Anyway, my first point is that no matter who you think is the Best Spiritual Leader, I probably respect them and their teachings. My own path draws a lot from the Buddha, Jesus (his actual sayings), and Starhawk. But it’s mine, and I don’t expect you to follow it. I still respect other wise teachings as well. I will say I’m not fond of Mao or Lenin. I’m allowed. Right now at least.
Enjoy my smaller, but repaired, chicken pen.
And here’s my second point. People say things, sometimes in public, that reflect their spiritual path, philosophy, or culture. Sometimes we will agree with them; sometimes we will disagree. But it’s very important to let people say what they have to say. Heck, it tells you whose businesses to support, what sports teams to follow, or who to vote for.
Do not enjoy this large Queen fire ant that flies. Check those mandibles out.
Lately there’s been a lot of commentary about people who express opinions in public that don’t match those of their audiences. Examples include the football player who waxed on about women and motherhood, and Richard Dreyfus, who seems to have said sexist and racist things to an audience that didn’t come to hear that talk.
Enjoy a turtle on a branch
How should we handle this kind of thing? Well we sure don’t want to go censoring them. That can easily get turned around to where the other side feels censored because THEIR beliefs offend others(aside from the fact that I do censor myself often in my current political setting).
Enjoy my coffee mug from today. I’m running out of things to enjoy.
Nope. These people should say what they want to say, and then deal with the consequences. People will walk out of the venue, which is fine. Or they may no longer buy their products. But the speakers still get to talk.
Enjoy my creepily flesh-colored nails. Only flesh colored for white people, of course.
And those of us with different views also get to talk, even if we can’t be quite woke enough.
I worry that having uncommon beliefs, spiritual or otherwise, may be grounds for punishment in the future if we aren’t careful. Let’s treat those we disagree with the way we hope they’d treat us if we spoke out. We can respect their right to speak, but not be forced to listen.
Ah. Flowers to enjoy.
Sigh. Here’s a dream. Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone felt comfortable flying flags with our favorite candidate’s name on it?
Oh, Self, you are still listening to a long-ago admonition you think your dad made. You think he expected you to excel at everything you tried to do, and at least be in the top 10% (whew, that excused that B in PE and Algebra 2 that made me not the best in high school—I was not athletic or mathematical until much later in life).
This volunteer portulaca also doesn’t like math. It interrupts the grid.
I’ve always felt literal shame if I got a bad review at work (my interpretation of “bad” was anything other than world’s greatest employee). I just never took criticism well, for no good reason. I just was screwed up from childhood. I’ve gotten better, but when people I care about give harsh criticism, I still fall apart. Nonetheless, honest, I’m way better. I do realize I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable and lovable. In fact, some/many people like me just the way I am, and I BELIEVE it!
Squirrel is dubious
Still, I let myself fall into old patterns over the weekend and was all disappointed that Apache and I didn’t rank well at the horse show. At the time, I told myself I was being ridiculous, because we did the best we could, considering our health.
I’m glad Tarrin finally got to use some of her 4th and 5th place ribbons. That means lots of entrants!
Well, I was really being a doofus (just gently ribbing myself), because when I took the time to look at the results, I actually got my best scores with Apache in all the areas except the last one , when I was just trying to survive without passing out. And that was as good as the last show.
I have to remember that Apache really didn’t know how to run properly without a rider, much less with a fearful, bouncing old lady on him!
So, this just presents a confirmation that comparing yourself to others is not at all good for you. The other riders were simply better than me, and on their own path to improve their own skills. As Sara said to me, I’ve come farther than she ever thought I would. I agree. We aren’t talented or young, either of us, but Apache and I keep at it!
This is us being determined.
I’m proud of our spirit and grit, even if we’re not going to be the “best!” We’re our best.
(By the way, Drew and I are getting along much better.)
One thing I’m good at is having a consistent meditation practice. I’m not good at some of my more spiritual things (not very expert at Buddhist practices or very organized as a nature worshiper). But by gosh I’m gonna meditate every day. It’s good for me. If meditation offends you, then, I’m silently praying.
My meditation view isn’t as good as it was last week, but there are still flowers.
Hmm, that’s not what I intended to write about, so let’s find something else I’m good at…observing nature! Yeah! I’m extra good at that, and sometimes wish I could have worked as a naturalist in some fashion as a profession.
Striking caterpillar of the Wilson’s Wood-nymph mothBumelia Borers making more little borersThat’s a fancy-looking insectThere are Eastern leaf-footed bugs all over the red salvia seeds. Sorta creepy. Yellow flower #1 is a Christmas chollaYellow flower #2 is a Rio Grande Copper Lily
But, I’m also good at writing and editing, so I did get to use that throughout my working years. I can even write academically, but since I became a technical writer, I’ve stuck with simpler word choices and sentence structures, so as not to obfuscate my scintillating pontifications.
That’s not funny, Apache (couldn’t resist posting another yawning photo)
Of course, I’m good at knitting and crochet. I’m crafty, but not necessarily artistic.
The back of Rollie’s afghan
I also hope I’m good at supporting my friends and family. That one waxes and wanes, and as long-time readers may know (I do have a beloved child and petulant sister who I did not support to their standards). But hey, I went to see the niece Kathleen in the hospital for her latest spider bite and brought her flowers and a card (along with son and partner). I’d have visited sooner, but I kept thinking she’d come home quickly. Her body just does not deal with spider venom.
Snakes are looking for her. (Non-venomous)
I like all those positive things I’m good at. I used to be very good at putting myself down, blaming myself for everything that went wrong, and contorting myself to try to get people I cared about but who didn’t care about me to change their minds. I’m glad I stopped being so great at those unhealthy traits! I could not make that guy in grad school, my previous spouse, nor my next-door neighbor like me. Now I think it’s their loss.
Also good at overheating and doing that lip thing. Me doing both of those yesterday.
Let’s all try to get very good at cutting our losses and moving on from relationships and situations that aren’t good for our self esteem. I’m quite good at these proclamations. Hear ye, hear ye!
I just finished reading Knife, by Salman Rushdie. In case you never heard of him, he’s a novelist who dared poke fun at a religious figurehead and had a fatwah put out in him. That means someone pretty humorless wanted him dead.
Knife, and some future reading material.
Regardless of the merits of his writing or his attempts at humor or anything like that, it had to be hard living with bodyguards 24/7 and always wondering when the assassin would show up. That’s the opposite of freedom to me, maybe worse than being imprisoned. In prison you know where all the murderers are.
Tiny Calf says she’s gonna hide in the grass.
He eventually got to where he didn’t worry about being attacked anymore, but then he was. The book is his way of getting his processing done. I guess since he gets paid to write, he decided to publish his memories and their effects on him rather than writing in a journal, or blogging like us other self-absorbed people.
By the end, though, I think Rushdie comes out free. He’s free to live the rest of his life without dwelling on what happened, his attacker’s motivation, or looking over his shoulder constantly. He’s faced death and knows what it’s like.
It’s probably not true, but birds always seem free.
That’s freedom: being able to live without worrying that someone or some institution is out to kill you, confine you, or strip you of your rights. In this case, I’m not free anymore. I’m no longer confident that women can be free in this country.
I digress as usual. As for the book, it was okay. There were some genuinely funny parts, and I give Rushdie credit for doing his best to be introspective, but he comes across (to me) as someone who has a great need to prove how smart he is. He extensively quotes from world literature when I swear he could just say what he meant rather than forcing the reader to remember every book they ever read (IF they happened to be literature majors) and draw the proper inferences from it.
Parts of the book bugged me.
I felt like there was going to be an essay test at the end.
He also quotes himself, or his novels, repeatedly. Is he trying to sell books? I didn’t end up dying to read any of them, which is good, since I have some good ones queued up already, thanks in part to kind people who keep handing me books.
I don’t use enough polysyllabic words or quote enough European fiction to even want to quote myself.
Now, I do feel for the guy. He went through a lot, lost vision in one eye, and has a permanent droopy mouth. He does seem pretty chipper for someone less than two years after nearly dying. He sure made Jon Stewart laugh when he interviewed him.
So, freedom is not a buzzword for me. It’s the ability to live in your society with a reasonable about of agency and feeling safe among your community members.
I always disagreed that butterflies were free. They are little mating and egg-laying instinct-driven beings. Pretty, though.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll be less dour. But here’s an example of why I’m that way: I didn’t share the link to yesterday’s blog about what public figure I dislike most on Facebook out of concern that it might put a target on my back. So, freedom? Not so much.
I’m sort of past the career planning phase. I am pleased with what I eventually accomplished in my rambling career path. I helped lots of people learn various things and succeed with their research, parenting, or business goals. I parented two people who grew to adulthood and are contributing to society. And l learned a lot!
I guess I went through all those stages, and became a butterfly whose mission is fulfilled but still wants to fly around some.
Now, as I approach the traditional retirement age, I have no desire to stop helping others or learning. I really have no desire to stop doing my current paid job, but if it ends, I’ve got plenty to do and ideas for more nature education activities.
I’ll just take off and do…something.
So, no plan. Just possibilities. As a pretty healthy person in early old age with enough income to support myself, I have the luxury to wait and see what’s next.
Time to be strong as I can and fly, like a tiger bee fly.
What shall this privileged person do to improve her world? We will see. I just need to stay positive and open to possibilities.
Right? No good deed goes unpunished! I experienced one of those times today. I’m not upset at all, but shaking my head. There are just so many ways to look at things!
It’s like a scene viewed through different lenses. I’m standing in the same spot, just using different camera settings. Things seem different, too.
Today I finally got around to do something about the bees who decided our propane tank access hole was a good place to start a hive.
The bees
They had moved under the piece of insulation we put over the pipes rather than leaving when all the rain came. It turns out bees like rain, according to Heath, the bee removal guy we called.
Inspecting the bees.
Thank goodness Jeremy from the Bling Box remembered this company had posted ad ad on Facebook and gave me their number. They showed up after work, having driven from Temple.
It took little time for our docile bees to get gently vacuumed up into the special bee vac (really a small shop vac with modifications). Heath got the queen and most of the workers, though a few were probably out foraging. I feel bad for them coming home to no sisterhood.
Safely sucked up. Glad my bees weren’t Africanized.
I felt good that I’d not killed them just because they inconvenienced me, and that we helped a small business.
That is, until I responded to a post in a FB group about bees dying from visiting poisoned dandelions and said I’d tried to help some honeybees. I promptly got a response lecturing me on how honeybees aren’t native and that they’re hurting native bees and that any good biologist (such as the man (of course) writing the response) knows they should be eliminated!
Even the dogs won’t look at me. Tsk tsk.
I said, “Okay, thanks.”
In my view I was helping insects who live near me. In his view I was hurting others. We both have good intentions.
Where are we going with this?
Thinking about native versus nonnative can get you deep into rabbit holes. Many common living things here at the Hermits’ Rest aren’t native, like those chirping fools the house sparrows, or those mega-swarming starlings. One type of dove I hear daily is an Eurasian Collared Dove. Must be Eurasian. The wildflowers have many introduced species in their mix, too. Even the common dandelion isn’t native.
At least you aren’t going down MY rabbit hole.
What to do? Eliminate them all? Or are some so well adapted they are okay now?
Should we build a cactus border wall to keep out non natives? Oh wait. Plants can’t read maps.
I don’t t know. Maybe I’ll ask in Master Naturalists tomorrow. I want to be a good steward of my land, but I’m not sure I have the strength to scorch the earth.
Otherwise, all is well. I sure appreciate the nice feedback on yesterday’s blog entry. Having supportive folks around makes it easy to have a good life.
I used to try my best to be involved in the community near which I live. (Is that English?) I discovered that it can be difficult to do good where you’re new and different. So in the end, I’ve devolved to doing one community outreach activity and participating in two groups of people with similar interests. That’s plenty, and at least so far, I’m still welcome in these groups.
If I can’t make friends, I can always rent them.
Obviously, I enjoy being a Texas Master Naturalist, though being President during COVID wasn’t fun. I love being able to talk to folks about our shared interests, learn about nature, and teach others. While it has its bureaucratic aspects, as organizations do, it hasn’t turn into a mean girls cult like the nonprofit I used to be involved in, and it’s not so “woke” that it turns into bullying, like the denomination I was once a member of. So far, so scientific.
I learn about flowers, too.
The horse community I’m a part of now is another way I’m involved. We are supportive of each other and get along well, in spite of differences. I especially love how young people and elders are both respected and valued here. It’s a small but mighty community free of elitism and rampant competition. We all want to learn!
Poor Apache had sweat bubbles in his butt after his lesson. He’s getting back in shape!
Other community things I do include hanging out with mostly like-minded friends once a week and patronizing local businesses. It feels good to help keep shops and restaurants going in a small town!
Watching improvements happen is encouraging, even from a distance.
The bad experiences I had with a couple local groups were disappointing at the time, but you can’t force people to like you or want to work with you. It reminds me of a Facebook post I saw today where someone points out that you can’t control your reputation – it’s someone else’s view of you. But you can control your character – it’s who you really are. With my odd personality, I’m a hard person to like, but I try hard to be a good person.
The bad experiences I’ve had when I tried to fit in shouldn’t have surprised me but they did. Hmm.
At first, when I found out how I was viewed by some folks in the community and was asked not to represent a business I thought I was part of, I was hurt. When I was bypassed after offering my services to a community group, it stung. And when a fellow board member verbally attacked me and tried to harm family member’s reputations, but no one on the board defended me or tried to keep me from resigning, I was shocked. But these were good lessons to learn. To reiterate: you can’t make anyone like you. And it’s fine.
Now that I pick my involvement more carefully and don’t attach my self worth into belonging to anything, I feel more free to give what I can. Devolvement did me a lot of good.
(My mental health has been better than it is right now, so pardon the negativity I’m spewing. I blame all the rain.)
What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?
The first thing I thought of on this topic is something I’d probably do for many, many days. I’d like to work at a State Park as a nature interpreter and do guided hikes to help people see what they don’t realize is all around them.
Look! A baby ladybug!
I have to admit it. Most of this blog is me doing just that.
Look, a sad ground crab spider, purportedly!
Well, it’s my blog, so I might as well do what I enjoy. I’m sure you’d rather read about birds and butterflies than about my self confidence issues and internal struggles, of which there are many right now. Zzzzz.
Look! An ugly mushroom!
The best Nature news today is that it didn’t rain much. Maybe some of the water can head down to the aquifer. After removing much mud and hair, I tried to walk Apache some today, but everywhere we went had standing water. But, hey, we walked briskly and he was fine with it! He’s better at last!
No horse picture, so look! A green heron!
Same deal with Drew, sans grooming, but we at least spent time together and bonded. He bonked his head on mine in an unfortunate gate/wind incident, but we both handled it well. He did get Fiona’s leftovers out of the deal. She didn’t eat because I’d wormed her. Everyone else took the wormer just fine.
Look! Something shaped like a worm! It’s a checkered white caterpillar. Those guys have been busy.
I thought I’d share with you what I encountered after getting the mail today. Dozens of snout butterflies. The soundtrack is dickcissels.
A few butterflies
And that’s it for today. I hope we all get to do our dream job, at least for a day.
I think people get too attached to brands, especially when they are trying to use them to impress others. I should know. I bought a Prada purse once. It was the best buying experience I ever had. Wow, rich people get treated nicely in stores. And it was/is a great purse. It will last forever.
Purse is at right. The left one is Coach. Used them when I worked in an office. Dog is another story.
But, my brief period of trying to keep up with the Jones’s is over. I now focus any brand loyalty I develop on quality or aesthetics. Things don’t have to be “on trend” to be of good quality or pleasing to my eye. Upon reflection, I find that many of my brand loyalties are focused on comfort, ergonomics, and texture. Examples.
Current frequently worn shoes.
I love Skechers shoes. They do come in some fun colors, but mainly they are very comfortable and keep my feet happy. As someone who has a “thing” for shoes, this switch to a more practical style is a big deal.
I also love cowboy boots, especially Lucchese. Those are a texture thing. I love the feel of quality leather. Plus they are beautiful yet useful. Good ones are very comfortable, too.
I really love a well designed automobile with comfort and style. I’ve loved every Jaguar car Ive owned. My current one is a compromise, because Lee can’t get into a sedan or sports car anymore, so I lost the British Racing Green one with saddle tan leather interior. But the one I drive now has red leather seats and every safety and convenience feature I wanted. I could live in this car. It’s so easy and intuitive to use. And it goes vroom when necessary
I’m loyal to my Color Street nail strips. Yes, I know there are less expensive brands. I also find them rubbery and of lower quality. Since they’re still way less than salon nail treatments, I’m happy.
I like Apple watches and phones. Less of a learning curve. I stick with Dell computers. That’s based on familiarity and reliability.
I stick with AT&T cell service. No clue why except my dad worked for them via various mergers and name changes. That’s not a great reason.
I like H-E-B and Publix grocery stores. They are clean and have options. I can’t remember what I liked in Illinois, which had neither chain.
Let’s see, what else? Crest toothpaste, meUndies socks and underwear, Bluebell ice cream, Kerrygold butter, Church’s fried chicken, Dawn dishwashing liquid, Tide detergent, Diet Coke Zero (my primary vice), Folger’s coffee (I just like it), Hilton hotels (because that’s where my points live).
That’s enough of that. Most things I’m brand neutral on or prefer hand-made.
Flooding continues around here. It’s worse in other parts of Texas but pretty bad here. Plants and ducks love it.
Where the cattle were yesterday. Looking north up Walkers Creek. You can barely see a fence top. Walkers Creek headed south The other side of the trees in the previous photo. That’s usually a field. Wood ducks irritated at my presence
Horses aren’t pleased. At least Apache is finally shedding out. I can pull clumps of hair off him. I’d planned to groom him twice today and at least walk Drew around, but there was only one good break in the rain. When I went to feed and medicate, he was too wet to brush.
The Hermits' Rest 