Ramblings – Page 17 – The Hermits' Rest

Silly Costume Question

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

I’m tired from four hours in today’s heat, so I hadn’t planned to blog. However, I can handle this question and want to know your answers, too. Here’s what I could wear every day:

No, my Bitmoji avatar doesn’t look much like me. But it has a red t-shirt, blue jeans, and red shoes, probably in my old age I should trade the cowboy boots for Skechers slip ons. I would accessorize with turquoise jewelry. Under it would be my extra comfy MeUndies bra-like thing and matching soft, practical undies, tie dye print. I’d be fine.

My shadow would look just like this, other than the bare foot.

What would you wear?

Otherwise I had a good day of work and helpful horse lessons. Apache is doing so well and is really becoming Mr. Reliable. Drew was a bit sore and jumpy. He got so sweaty he looked black.

Here he is indicating his opinion of moving left correctly.

I did get a few nice photos of the horses today. My favorite is Dusty and Mabel enjoying a drink together.

And here’s the whole herd wishing you the peace and abundance they have, mostly.

Spiritual Is a Loaded Word – I Stick with Love

How important is spirituality in your life?

It’s pretty common to hear people say, “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” I don’t think it’s a way to avoid the hard stuff, or a convenient cop out. It’s true for many of us ruminating, pondering types who just don’t like rigid rules.

Eryngo (*Eryngium hookeri*) showed up here! I didn’t know it was native.

Organized religion is not my idea of a spirituality nurturing institution, probably because they’re institutions more than pathways to spiritual growth. Any group that thinks it has all the answers turns out not to have them.

Also new in the fields is Soft Goldaster (*Bradburia pilosa*)

So, I draw my spirituality from the life spirit around me, in the rocks, trees, wind, animals, and ineffable sparks of realities just beyond my perception. You know, like viruses used to be for humans. A tradition I once followed mentioned an interconnected web of life. My spiritual practice honors that.

Yes, I’m connected to the Prairie Boopie

I also try to express my connections to all around me in how I live my life. I get most of my ideas from teachers like the Buddha, Jesus, and Starhawk, but I’ve received guidance from many other teachers, some of whom didn’t end up with a religion purporting to represent them. Pay attention and you’ll find the wisdom to lead you to peace and clarity in all sorts of unexpected places from surprising messengers. Some may be horses or dogs.

Speaking of them, I do find that the presence of my animal companions fills a void I experience in even wonderful periods of travel. I’m so glad to be back to feel Goldie’s giant, rough paw on my face or Mabel’s warm, curious breath from so much higher than Dusty’s even-tempered nudges.

Home is where you ground yourself, and I have finally reached a point where the Hermits’ Rest centers me almost as much as my hometown in Florida did. My spiritual center needs that grounding. I spent half my life without it! It’s good to have a home again. Yes. Now my love for all existence can grow and be shared freely.

Scruffy but lovable house. The land is home!

Right now the ranch has been taken over by cicadas. I’m glad we only got one eruption here and that they won’t be here too long. Maybe I managed to miss two weeks of them by leaving! I can barely hear birds!

On the other hand, it’s easy to meditate around them. It’s like singing bowls, only more grating.

A Good Life…Wherever You Are

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

Today we drove across New Mexico and Arizona on the northern route, where I’d never been before. As I got teary-eyed with wonder, it became easy to remind myself what constitutes a good life for me.

A huge component is appreciation for every day and what new experiences it brings you. Today I had so many new things to enjoy.

Look, Field Bindweed looks like candies. So pretty.

Another part of a good life is striving to be kind to yourself and those around you, while setting appropriate boundaries. I think I’m getting there!

Finally, a good life is one in which you keep learning and keep active. These things keep me young and engaged.

I learned about cities we passed and what nations we drove through (Pueblo and Navajo).

Today I also learned a lot about Billy the Kid in one of our stops. He came across as a much more nuanced person than in some portrayals. Of course, I also enjoyed plants and animals there.

Oh I’m so tired. I’ll add captions later.

We later stopped in Gallup, New Mexico, a place I’d always wanted to visit. Lee and I both got some Navajo jewelry there that had meaning for us. Mine shows my strength and protection.

The drive in Arizona wasn’t overly exciting other than colorful rocks until we got into the mountains and forests, which was pretty spectacular. I did take a LOT of pictures of rocks, hills, and mountains.

We made it to our resort and like it so far, other than being REAL close to the pool (supposedly the quieter one) and on the bottom floor. But there is so much to do that I won’t mind. I already got new birds for my life list, so I’m happy.

I hope to go see the town of Sedona and hike some tomorrow.

Me by Any Other Name?

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

I’d go for something matrilineal. Suna ní Brighid in Irish Gaelic would be my first choice. That’s vaguely in my heritage. Daughter of Brigid.

I could be some Spider Woman, Arachne, since I know how to weave.

I’m not sure if Sweden, another background ethnicity of mine, still allows matrilineal names anymore, since they have strict naming rules. If so, I could be Ada Edwinsdottir. Uh. Anyway, I also like Maeve. That’s Irish. And Ada.

Here’s a prickly poppy. That’s its name.

I could also take on my spouse’s name like a good little child of the patriarchy. I’d be SueAnn K Bruns. But I’m not. So anyway, I’m not changing my name.

And I’m not telling long stories, since I just used my blogging time being Facebook Technical Support for my 78–year-old friend who wanted to make a page. Just like when I’m at work, I realize that things are only easy for me because I’ve practiced. Most software is mystifying when you first try to do anything. I’m sure my friend will be just fine!

So, here are highlights:

I saw three kinds of swallows at the Walkers Creek Bridge.
I also watched a very large raccoon ambling along the creek bank.
Farther back on the creek bank I saw the bobcat again! It was drinking from the creek. Aww.
Next I heard a very loud Yellow-crowned Night Heron who then swooped right over me. That is a lot of creek action.
When I went to the tack room to feed the horses, I discovered Butternut the hen had been locked inside. She had plenty to eat, since she loves horse food and there was spillage.
This all balanced out a couple of sad things around here, so all in all, it’s fine.

Tomorrow we go on a trip! Somewhere hot but less humid! Kathleen will carefully go outside to take care of horses and chickens. Luckily, Apache now takes his medication like a pro as long as it’s buried in sweet feed.

Here’s the Temperature Blanket up to May 29. You can tell it’s warmed up.

Chocolate Bars – Really?

Describe your dream chocolate bar.

Who thought of this question? But since I’m tired I’ll answer it.

My dream chocolate bar has milk chocolate, thick, covering it. The interior is a Dulce de leche caramel. Around that is cashews and juicy raisins. The end.

In real life, I love the salted caramel Milky Way.

Other than that, life is good. We celebrated my son’s birthday from last week at our usual Mexican restaurant and it was a lovely evening. It’s so amazing to see us all doing well and happy with our lives.

Life is good, at least at the Hermits’ Rest.

What Are Friends For?

What quality do you value most in a friend?

I can forgive a lot of things in my friends. I don’t expect them to be perfect or nice or generous. What I appreciate the most is that my real friends like me the way I am and don’t put me down.

I never want any more “friendships” with conditions on them, where I have to act in ways that don’t feel genuine, or that are based on what I can do for them. I’m fine with that.

And I will remind myself that, with very few exceptions, your coworkers are not your friends. They are people you are cordial with to make getting your work done bearable. (Bear in mind that I married a coworker (twice), became a business partner with a coworker, and still call a former coworker my dearest friend.)

I just need some people in my life I can be myself around without having to walk on eggshells or pretend I’m someone I’m not. And I’m very uninterested in hearing how I should behave, why people don’t like me, or that I’m not woke/unwoke enough. Those folks aren’t in the friend zone anymore.

I don’t need many close friends for a happy life. I have just enough. And interacting with my informal friend groups and like/minded acquaintances can let me have lots of fun—I just have to be more guarded in the larger circle. That’s probably true for most of us.

And I still care deeply for so, so many people I don’t know well or who may not think all that much of me. I just care about folks.

More storms today. Just wind again, though

I am fortunate to have a few very accepting friends, though, and not all of them are dogs and horses! Thanks, friends!

Organized Religion, Unpopular Beliefs, and Such

Do you practice religion?

Have we met? If we have, you probably know I’m not a fan of organized religion. It seems like whenever some spiritual leader comes along, followers start twisting their teachings around to justify their agendas. I’ll stop there and let the reader come up with their own examples. It’s not hard to do.

No illustrations go with this blog so enjoy some bugs.

I’ve tried, of course. I always liked church as a kid because there was singing. In harmony. I liked that. The inconsistency of the teachings? Not so much.

I have tried a couple of other paths, but each started trying to say “my doctrine is better than yours” (even Wicca/neopaganism) and I got disinterested in any organized activity. Even Buddhists can start telling you how you should and shouldn’t practice. Fine for those people. Not for me. And the songs for both groups aren’t much fun.

I did stick with UnitarIan Universalism for a long time. The music was excellent and I got to be in a folk group, a choir, and a rock band. But power struggles, infighting, and most of all, the oppressive political correctness mandates got to be too much for me. I got to where I was afraid to speak, because someone would give me a lecture on how I triggered them, used last week’s correct labels, or missed a pronoun. (Note that I do my best to keep up and love everyone in all the trigger-prone communities). I’m just old and slow even as I try to learn (this statement will lead to a lecture on how I COULD do better if I tried, so I’m a sucky ally).

Anyway, my first point is that no matter who you think is the Best Spiritual Leader, I probably respect them and their teachings. My own path draws a lot from the Buddha, Jesus (his actual sayings), and Starhawk. But it’s mine, and I don’t expect you to follow it. I still respect other wise teachings as well. I will say I’m not fond of Mao or Lenin. I’m allowed. Right now at least.

Enjoy my smaller, but repaired, chicken pen.

And here’s my second point. People say things, sometimes in public, that reflect their spiritual path, philosophy, or culture. Sometimes we will agree with them; sometimes we will disagree. But it’s very important to let people say what they have to say. Heck, it tells you whose businesses to support, what sports teams to follow, or who to vote for.

Do not enjoy this large Queen fire ant that flies. Check those mandibles out.

Lately there’s been a lot of commentary about people who express opinions in public that don’t match those of their audiences. Examples include the football player who waxed on about women and motherhood, and Richard Dreyfus, who seems to have said sexist and racist things to an audience that didn’t come to hear that talk.

How should we handle this kind of thing? Well we sure don’t want to go censoring them. That can easily get turned around to where the other side feels censored because THEIR beliefs offend others(aside from the fact that I do censor myself often in my current political setting).

Enjoy my coffee mug from today. I’m running out of things to enjoy.

Nope. These people should say what they want to say, and then deal with the consequences. People will walk out of the venue, which is fine. Or they may no longer buy their products. But the speakers still get to talk.

Enjoy my creepily flesh-colored nails. Only flesh colored for white people, of course.

And those of us with different views also get to talk, even if we can’t be quite woke enough.

I worry that having uncommon beliefs, spiritual or otherwise, may be grounds for punishment in the future if we aren’t careful. Let’s treat those we disagree with the way we hope they’d treat us if we spoke out. We can respect their right to speak, but not be forced to listen.

Sigh. Here’s a dream. Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone felt comfortable flying flags with our favorite candidate’s name on it?

Suna, Stop Being So Hard on Yourself, You Doofus

Oh, Self, you are still listening to a long-ago admonition you think your dad made. You think he expected you to excel at everything you tried to do, and at least be in the top 10% (whew, that excused that B in PE and Algebra 2 that made me not the best in high school—I was not athletic or mathematical until much later in life).

This volunteer portulaca also doesn’t like math. It interrupts the grid.

I’ve always felt literal shame if I got a bad review at work (my interpretation of “bad” was anything other than world’s greatest employee). I just never took criticism well, for no good reason. I just was screwed up from childhood. I’ve gotten better, but when people I care about give harsh criticism, I still fall apart. Nonetheless, honest, I’m way better. I do realize I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable and lovable. In fact, some/many people like me just the way I am, and I BELIEVE it!

Still, I let myself fall into old patterns over the weekend and was all disappointed that Apache and I didn’t rank well at the horse show. At the time, I told myself I was being ridiculous, because we did the best we could, considering our health.

I’m glad Tarrin finally got to use some of her 4th and 5th place ribbons. That means lots of entrants!

Well, I was really being a doofus (just gently ribbing myself), because when I took the time to look at the results, I actually got my best scores with Apache in all the areas except the last one , when I was just trying to survive without passing out. And that was as good as the last show.

I have to remember that Apache really didn’t know how to run properly without a rider, much less with a fearful, bouncing old lady on him!

So, this just presents a confirmation that comparing yourself to others is not at all good for you. The other riders were simply better than me, and on their own path to improve their own skills. As Sara said to me, I’ve come farther than she ever thought I would. I agree. We aren’t talented or young, either of us, but Apache and I keep at it!

I’m proud of our spirit and grit, even if we’re not going to be the “best!” We’re our best.

(By the way, Drew and I are getting along much better.)

Goodness Gracious I’m Good

What are you good at?

One thing I’m good at is having a consistent meditation practice. I’m not good at some of my more spiritual things (not very expert at Buddhist practices or very organized as a nature worshiper). But by gosh I’m gonna meditate every day. It’s good for me. If meditation offends you, then, I’m silently praying.

My meditation view isn’t as good as it was last week, but there are still flowers.

Hmm, that’s not what I intended to write about, so let’s find something else I’m good at…observing nature! Yeah! I’m extra good at that, and sometimes wish I could have worked as a naturalist in some fashion as a profession.

Striking caterpillar of the Wilson’s Wood-nymph moth

But, I’m also good at writing and editing, so I did get to use that throughout my working years. I can even write academically, but since I became a technical writer, I’ve stuck with simpler word choices and sentence structures, so as not to obfuscate my scintillating pontifications.

That’s not funny, Apache (couldn’t resist posting another yawning photo)

Of course, I’m good at knitting and crochet. I’m crafty, but not necessarily artistic.

I also hope I’m good at supporting my friends and family. That one waxes and wanes, and as long-time readers may know (I do have a beloved child and petulant sister who I did not support to their standards). But hey, I went to see the niece Kathleen in the hospital for her latest spider bite and brought her flowers and a card (along with son and partner). I’d have visited sooner, but I kept thinking she’d come home quickly. Her body just does not deal with spider venom.

Snakes are looking for her. (Non-venomous)

I like all those positive things I’m good at. I used to be very good at putting myself down, blaming myself for everything that went wrong, and contorting myself to try to get people I cared about but who didn’t care about me to change their minds. I’m glad I stopped being so great at those unhealthy traits! I could not make that guy in grad school, my previous spouse, nor my next-door neighbor like me. Now I think it’s their loss.

Also good at overheating and doing that lip thing. Me doing both of those yesterday.

Let’s all try to get very good at cutting our losses and moving on from relationships and situations that aren’t good for our self esteem. I’m quite good at these proclamations. Hear ye, hear ye!

What I Learned About Freedom from Salman Rushdie (Book Report)

What does freedom mean to you?

I just finished reading Knife, by Salman Rushdie. In case you never heard of him, he’s a novelist who dared poke fun at a religious figurehead and had a fatwah put out in him. That means someone pretty humorless wanted him dead.

Knife, and some future reading material.

Regardless of the merits of his writing or his attempts at humor or anything like that, it had to be hard living with bodyguards 24/7 and always wondering when the assassin would show up. That’s the opposite of freedom to me, maybe worse than being imprisoned. In prison you know where all the murderers are.

Tiny Calf says she’s gonna hide in the grass.

He eventually got to where he didn’t worry about being attacked anymore, but then he was. The book is his way of getting his processing done. I guess since he gets paid to write, he decided to publish his memories and their effects on him rather than writing in a journal, or blogging like us other self-absorbed people.

By the end, though, I think Rushdie comes out free. He’s free to live the rest of his life without dwelling on what happened, his attacker’s motivation, or looking over his shoulder constantly. He’s faced death and knows what it’s like.

It’s probably not true, but birds always seem free.

That’s freedom: being able to live without worrying that someone or some institution is out to kill you, confine you, or strip you of your rights. In this case, I’m not free anymore. I’m no longer confident that women can be free in this country.

I digress as usual. As for the book, it was okay. There were some genuinely funny parts, and I give Rushdie credit for doing his best to be introspective, but he comes across (to me) as someone who has a great need to prove how smart he is. He extensively quotes from world literature when I swear he could just say what he meant rather than forcing the reader to remember every book they ever read (IF they happened to be literature majors) and draw the proper inferences from it.

I felt like there was going to be an essay test at the end.

He also quotes himself, or his novels, repeatedly. Is he trying to sell books? I didn’t end up dying to read any of them, which is good, since I have some good ones queued up already, thanks in part to kind people who keep handing me books.

I don’t use enough polysyllabic words or quote enough European fiction to even want to quote myself.

Now, I do feel for the guy. He went through a lot, lost vision in one eye, and has a permanent droopy mouth. He does seem pretty chipper for someone less than two years after nearly dying. He sure made Jon Stewart laugh when he interviewed him.

So, freedom is not a buzzword for me. It’s the ability to live in your society with a reasonable about of agency and feeling safe among your community members.

I always disagreed that butterflies were free. They are little mating and egg-laying instinct-driven beings. Pretty, though.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll be less dour. But here’s an example of why I’m that way: I didn’t share the link to yesterday’s blog about what public figure I dislike most on Facebook out of concern that it might put a target on my back. So, freedom? Not so much.