Oh, the spontaining!

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

Today my friend Martha, with whom I will be traveling soon, told our lunch group that she’s a planner. She has a long list of activities to do on the trip.

I thought to myself, that’s not me. I’m more of a “spontainer” when traveling. That’s Lee’s and my term for just picking a point and going. We often embark on trips with no concrete plans of our route or what we will do when we arrive. Thus, I’m having a hard time picking the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.

I’ll admit this. My current mental state is making it hard to dredge up memories—I have become comfortably numb, like in the old song. It will get better; I’m fairly sure I’m not suffering from cognitive decline more than the average person my age. I’m just having a surge in anxiety, which I’m working to understand (both intellectually and psychically).

Back to being spontaneous (which I know is not right for every occasion and which often benefits from a bit of planning to succeed). It occurs to me that I am not spontaneous about big things, just day-to-day choices with few consequences. That fits with my self image of not being a big risk taker. I’m now laughing at myself. The cautious spontainer, that’s me, always trying to be everything at once (I’m an extroverted introvert, too).

So, I didn’t get a good answer to the prompt, but I figured out something about myself. I’m definitely comfortable with having conflicting traits. I’m hoping this helps with flexibility and the cognitive dissonance required to feel comfortable at times like these. Maybe it will help me get over this mental struggle.

I forgot to wish you kind readers a happy equinox or Mabon yesterday. It’s still very hot here. To welcome the season I’m wearing a shirt that says, “My favorite season is the fall…of fascism.”

PS: maybe my most spontaneous act was walking into a salon and declaring I wanted to bleach my hair white and cut it very short. That wasn’t the plan that morning!