friendship – Page 3 – The Hermits' Rest

Let’s Talk about Support

If anyone reading this isn’t struggling in some way, I’m glad for you, but a bit surprised. These seem to be hard times for most folks I know. And it doesn’t look like things are getting any easier. I vote that we all do the right thing and support each other. Let’s cut each other some slack. Some of us could really use kindness and empathy right now.

Share what’s good in the world. This is a Phoebe.

We got more sad dog news today and are trying to figure out what to do about Goldie’s bone cancer. I needed support and to just talk about it. Thank goodness I have a friend who I can talk to, who’s going through similar canine concerns.

The horse trailer is back, and I was glad to go to lessons again. Yes, I wanted to learn horse stuff, but I also wanted to talk to Tarrin and engage in mutual support about our dogs and other family issues. Talking really helped me think things through, and I hope I was a good listener for her. And of course I loved on her sick dog.

I also loved on Christmas. He’s love-a-bull.

The lessons were good, too. Apache amazes me. He is doing so well and keeps making progress even with time off. He improved on the dreaded side pass (hooray) and was very patient when I worked on posting at the trot. He’s become a real treasure. We have both calmed down so we can learn.

Drew is doing much better with me, too, though he had some challenges today. That lovely filly of Tarrin’s gets him all rattled. At least this time, Tarrin was on him. But he settled down after ground work and was fine afterwards. He just has to grow out of losing focus on his human leaders. it ain’t easy.

He needs to breathe deeply, just like I do.

The horse lessons are so helpful to me, as is the support I get from Tarrin. We have so much in common yet challenge each other. That is what we need right now, to see past our superficial differences to our common humanity.

Find yourself someone to support or to be supportive to. It’s a great counterweight to the struggles and challenges we are going through as humans.

Still Here!

I didn’t blog yesterday because I had no deep thoughts, but I’m still here and taking care of all the animals and myself.

I haven’t been able to do much with the horses, because my saddles are in south Texas. I loaned my trailer out for a weekend while I was in Colorado, but it’s still there thanks to the Covid. We probably should have road tripped this weekend to fetch it, but there’s a chance it might be back before my next lesson. You really can’t predict who’s gonna get sick at any time in our family, so you just roll with the changes.

Instead of road tripping, we sat in the porch all morning, watched some college football until the streaming got wonky (our satellite went out when I was gone and should get fixed Monday), and had dinner with our friend Martha.

Not what I ate, but I’m impressed with how neatly Apache eats. He had a pie slice shape left when I went to open his gate. On the other hand, Mabel immediately overturns her dish and eats off the ground.

We’re hoping the new restaurant lasts a while. They tend not to in the old 50s Cafe building. I had liver and onions, and there was enough left to feed Goldie her medicine in for a couple of days. Win!

The dogs are no worse so far. They both seem cheerful enough, though Goldie was off her feed for a while. Fingers are crossed.

Coping is what we need to practice now, and we are doing that around here. I need to go out and enjoy the morning now. It looks like the gale winds of yesterday have died down. Enjoy your Sunday.

Enjoy my new nails. They are more red with pink highlights in person.

What a Sap

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Yeah, it’s sappy, and awe came in a close second, but I am positive that the positive emotion I feel most often is love. I’m always feeling love for something or someone. Not romantic hormonal love, but more the enduring emotional attachment kind of love.

Apache feels great love for his food dish, most days.

Today was farrier day, so I spent a long time with the horses again. I feel so much love for each of them (and Fifi), and it’s different for each, like a mother’s love for her children. Tarrin said she liked how I speak kindly to my horses…and I do get sorta blubbery around them. They may not understand my words, but they can discern my feelings.

Fiona wants you to know I laughed at her for stepping in her food bucket. She’d been picking it up and banging it against the gate like a prisoner asking out of jail.

Mabel got lots of love today, because she was the calmest she’s ever been getting her feet done, and she was able to stretch her legs out and put them on the stand, which means she looked pretty darned good for her by the time he was finished!

Of course, I don’t spend all my love on horses. I get all gooey over my favorite plants and birds, and of course, the dogs. They each hear how much I love them ALL the time. It just comes out. I even love Alfred at his most shedding time, which is now.

Clouded Skipper on a clump of Alfred hair that wafted across the lawn.

There’s just so much joy that the dogs bring! And they love us back, too.

And of course, I feel love for so many people, most of whom may not realize it. I feel all warm and fuzzy at friends’ Facebook posts and Instagrams. I just beam inside when listening to friends talk. They are all so special to me! What a sap.

Then there’s my spouse, who loves to take photos of me chewing. I love him anyway.

I know Lee loves me, because he drove me to the Austin airport today and dealt with the dreaded “Austin traffic.” But we got a cool upgraded room with a couch in it, so he’s happy (he sleeps better in couches or recliners than beds). The Hilton at the airport used to be the HQ building at Bergstrom Air Force Base, and is circular. I always enjoy staying here.

Bonus: I felt more love when I looked over at the bar after dinner and saw my former Austin hairdresser and his husband! That was such a happy moment. We got all caught up on each other’s lives and travels. It makes me feel like a native when I run into people like that!

Off to sleep so I can zip back to another time zone tomorrow! I’ll make sure to check for typos in the post title before publishing, unlike yesterday.

Games People Play

What’s your favorite game (card, board, video, etc.)? Why?

I admit it. I like word games. My two favorites are Scrabble and Big Boggle. No one will play me because I’m a word professional. I’m NOT the best at either game, honest. I’m above average. I’d probably be better if anyone would play with me.

I don’t like the kind of games people play with interpersonal relationships. That’s why I enjoyed today. I spent much more time than usual talking to friends. It was a nice mix of light-hearted stuff and serious conversation. I’m sure glad I have friends to just hang out with sometimes!

This is me getting ready to go out, with a lurking husband. I was trying to show a friend my coordinating ensemble.

After talking with folks and hashing out some of my angst, I’m feeling a lot more balanced and able to act the way my principles tell me to. That made it worth a Zoom call and driving to Rockdale for fish tacos!

I’m calmer than this poor doe who was so rattled by my presence that she ran off quite flatulently. Here she’s resting between gas attacks.

Go off and enjoy your weekend. That’s my plan.

Much Gratitude, Must Express

How do you express your gratitude?

Honestly, I think I’m pretty bad at expressing gratitude, at least to people. And there is SO much to be grateful for, even with the challenges my family and community keep coming up against. The support each of our communities give us can give the strength to make it one more day.

I didn’t take any photos today, but I’ll find some. I saw this beauty yesterday.

I do say I’m grateful, especially to those who help around the ranch, help with animal care, and fix the endless broken things. But no doubt I could say it more and come up with better ways to show my gratitude.

Example: I’m really lucky I can just ask my son to go look at a broken door or ask Anita to help with my screw-ups on the Red House bookings. I’m taking him to dinner and got her a shirt, but they both need to know how much their flexibility means to me.

And just knowing our niece and nephew who live on the ranch with us are there when we need them takes away so much stress. I just hope we reciprocate in ways we can help!

I think I do let Tarrin know how much her work with me and the horses means to me. Her journey has contributed greatly to mine. Mentors who share their growth are to be treasured. I try to share my own growth here, to pass it on!

She’s patient, firm, and kind. It’s a good way to be.

I guess I try to tell people in person how grateful I am for them. And for those I know via social media, I try to express it often. In this world where it’s sometimes hard to find like-minded people in person, having folks who understand your fears and worries to turn to online is invaluable. Thank you, blog readers, too!

This rabid wolf spider has black front legs that almost disappear.

Yes, nature. I also try to express gratitude to the earth and her inhabitants by treading lightly and harming as little as I can. I want to fit in, though as a human being in Western civilization, it’s hard to not take up too many resources.

I let this fellow out. There are more things to eat outside. It’s some kind of wolf spider.

I’m trying to learn to do better, mainly by reading my neighbor Sara’s blog on regenerative agriculture. In fact, you can head on over there and read her post on things you can do now to meet the goals I have been talking about. Hmm. Sara is someone I need to express gratitude toward!

Family, friends, community, mentors, our planetary home…I’m grateful for them all and will strive to make that clear!

What Are Friends For?

What quality do you value most in a friend?

I can forgive a lot of things in my friends. I don’t expect them to be perfect or nice or generous. What I appreciate the most is that my real friends like me the way I am and don’t put me down.

I never want any more “friendships” with conditions on them, where I have to act in ways that don’t feel genuine, or that are based on what I can do for them. I’m fine with that.

And I will remind myself that, with very few exceptions, your coworkers are not your friends. They are people you are cordial with to make getting your work done bearable. (Bear in mind that I married a coworker (twice), became a business partner with a coworker, and still call a former coworker my dearest friend.)

I just need some people in my life I can be myself around without having to walk on eggshells or pretend I’m someone I’m not. And I’m very uninterested in hearing how I should behave, why people don’t like me, or that I’m not woke/unwoke enough. Those folks aren’t in the friend zone anymore.

I don’t need many close friends for a happy life. I have just enough. And interacting with my informal friend groups and like/minded acquaintances can let me have lots of fun—I just have to be more guarded in the larger circle. That’s probably true for most of us.

And I still care deeply for so, so many people I don’t know well or who may not think all that much of me. I just care about folks.

More storms today. Just wind again, though

I am fortunate to have a few very accepting friends, though, and not all of them are dogs and horses! Thanks, friends!

Sometimes You Just Need a Listener

Today I needed to get some things off my chest so I could move on past them and get back to my “normal” fairly balanced frame of mind. I’m very lucky that I was able to have a couple of Zoom chats and a couple of Messenger chats that set me back on an even keel.

I just needed to talk things through in a safe, nonjudgmental space. We all need friends to listen to us when we need to vent, even when we’re a little off base or even a little wrong. The listeners let you hear yourself, ask helpful questions for you to ponder, and allow you to gain a better perspective on whatever is bugging you.

By this evening, after a nice ride on a mostly calm horse (mentally thanking my supportive equestrian friends), cooking a tasty dinner for the menfolk, and zoning out knitting, I feel refreshed and able to cope with whatever challenges come my way. Woo hoo!

Most of them probably won’t see this, but I’d like to thank these friends for lifting me up between the weekend and today:

Alice
Barbara
Nancy S
Barbara
Connie
Kathie
Lynn
Phyllis
Anita
Martha
Jay
Pamela
Avery, Sara, and Tracee (for horse support)

I even got to be a bit of a listener for Pamela and Martha, too. One of the best things about good friends is that they can take turns being the helper and the helped. My high school friend group also does that for each other. It’s a good feeling all around.

When Goldie was sad, Lee cheered her up.

If someone has helped you get through a rough spot, be sure to thank them, too!

And if you get vexed, just look at some vetch and breathe. I did.

I Do All the Things, Except

Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.

I do have a to-do list. It’s my bullet journal. I get pleasure from checking off things I’ve done. Here’s a confession. There’s one thing I rarely even put on my list, because I hate doing it.

Looking at clouds during sunset rarely gets omitted.

Yes, I hate hanging my clothes back up in my closet. I have always hated this, since childhood.

There’s no reason for me to dislike it. I have a huge closet with windows and a fancy light fixture. But it piles up. Maybe admitting this will inspire me to get I. There, grab a stack of velvet hangers, and file my clothes where they belong. I should have space after recent purges. Maybe. (No, I’m not posting a photo of my closet.)

I did get many items on my to-do list done today. I dutifully attended the Master Naturalist Board retreat and took notes. It’s always good to listen to the group’s ideas and get excited about possibilities for field trips and activities. Even though I wasn’t feeling well, I got through it. (Yeah, my health has me puzzled — my joints have started hurting in my hands, and my knees and back are unhappy with me for no reason I can figure out. Plus I suddenly have ringing in my ears, which has never bothered me before. Time for a checkup I guess.)

Linda Jo found an excellent insect during our break, during which she and I looked for flowers. Naturally.

After checking that item off, I took the horses over to Tarrin’s for an unscheduled visit. (Make that “we” since Lee drove.)

Apache was the easier horse to deal with. Tarrin and her hoof consultant picked out some boots for him to wear while his abscess heals. I’d say they cost more than any shoes I ever bought, except I have some really nice cowboy boots.

I was relieved that she got him to pick up both front feet to get cleaned and treated. He let her put the boots on, too. They will stay until Monday, when the farrier comes. It took him a while to adjust, but I think this will help him. Now he just needs to shed all that long hair. He’s so hot!

They will never be this clean again. They are also reflective!

Drew was acting less weird today, but I was very glad to get her to look at him. He just hasn’t been himself with all that snapping and kicking. Plus today he had blood on his legs. He’s been getting into something!

Quickly, Tarrin figured out his neck hurt. He had a huge knot in it. No wonder he didn’t like being groomed or having his mane brushed. She worked hard on this neck, and even Lee could see him relaxing.

She then had him stand on the special pads that are supposed to make him feel better. He kept pawing at them and sniffing them. We don’t know what that meant. But he seemed less tense and grouchy. I’m interested to see how he is tomorrow when I groom him and pay special attention to his neck.

I sure am glad I have such a good trainer who cares about my animals. The horses have certainly benefited! Me, too!

I’d give her real flowers if I could. It’s Field Madder (*Sherardia arvensis*) and is tiny.

There’s a lot to be thankful for, even if I don’t get all my chores done every day. Those clothes are waiting patiently.

Today I was thankful for many interesting cloud formations.

A Gift of Mutual Acceptance

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

The gift I want most in the world would be to repair my relationship with my older son and come to some kind of mutual acceptance of each other, just as we are. Understanding of perceived mistakes or failings on each of our parts is something we could do. I’d be willing to try. Anyone willing to help bring us back together would receive my eternal gratitude.

Foggy morning leads to melancholic musings

Well, that’s not something I foresee happening after five years. So I’ll add that the greatest gifts I do receive are friendship and acceptance. I think we all would like to feel accepted and like we fit in. I treasure my community of kind and open hearted friends who accept each other, warts and all.

Online friends count, too. So many of us would feel very isolated if it weren’t for our friends who are connected on social media, on video chats, and in blogs. Social media is NOT all bad.

Daily Bird

Well, there weren’t many birds out today, because it was so foggy and cold.

The highlight today was the reappearance of one of my favorites, the barred owl. I’ve read that barred owls and great horned owls don’t like to live together, so I was happy to hear one this morning. Hooray!

In the Woods, Always

When are you most happy?

I like this question, because it ties in with what fun I’ve been having lately, including last night. In the past year or so since we started camping and I got in the habit of going outside to do some of my meditation, it’s become very clear to me that the woods bring me great joy.

The old willow tree by the spring in our woods.

I’ve had so many fantastic experiences in the woods these past months, where I find myself all alone with my heart swelling and a huge smile on my face. Yesterday when I heard the huge murmuration taking flight, when I found a nightjar sitting in a tree, gazing at the huge oaks and elms, watching deer and armadillo grazing with no fear. Ah.

I loved watching this doe earlier this year

Last night I had another magical woodland experience. I attended a solstice party at a home in the middle of a dense woods. I felt so at peace there from all the good energy and loamy scents.

Just a glimpse into the nighttime woods.

We wandered beautifully designed paths through the trees near the house, where there was gurgling water and other animal and bird habitat.

This may look like mud, but it’s part of the gurgling water that keeps our woodland happy.

We enjoyed a huge bonfire and honored the return of the light by gazing at the moon surrounded by a halo. It was wonderful to be in the woods with friends, since I’m usually alone. By the time the evening was over, I was practically oozing contentment. I’m glad I got a nice big dose of forest energy. I left with much more holiday spirits than when I arrived.