Surviving the Spotlight

Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?

Um. Yes. I probably should have studied acting. I enjoy performing very much, and have since I was a child. I like being someone else, whether doing music or speaking. Most of my speaking has been teaching or training. I enjoy it. Perhaps that’s why I’m a corporate trainer and spent much of my life singing in choruses and harmony groups.

My outgoing persona was out tonight.

Still, I prefer a friendly audience. Usually that’s not an issue. I mostly sang to friends or people I had things in common with, and I just make the people I’m training into a friendly audience with my relentless friendliness. Who IS that woman?

Here I’m orating at the Grand Canyon, or pretending to be

It’s been a lot harder lately for me to get out in public and “perform.” I admit that the reason I’m so “on” at parties is that it’s more like fake performance Suna is there, not real anxiety-ridden Suna.

My friend Debra and I about to launch into holiday songs. Not really. We just dressed similarly.

I succeeded tonight in doing okay at the Master Naturalist holiday party. I was probably overly outgoing, but I had fun taking pictures and being silly. I’d been really nervous beforehand. I think it’s because I haven’t ventured into a group of people who aren’t all close to me since…October I think.

I’d missed friends like Don and Cindy.

But it went well and I was pleased with the fun, good food, and gift swap (I got a cool hand-carved whale!). Whew. I did it. I’m tired now, like any introvert is after mingling, but I feel ok. People were kind to me, too.

Yummy food. The pork was amazing.

You’ve all been very kind after yesterday’s dumping of some of my issues. I do want to say we will have enough land for horse pastures; just not how I’d wanted it. I wasn’t dry clear. Thank you all for caring.

I’m not going anywhere.

Wossamotta U?

What’s your favorite cartoon?

Since I was young I just loved the Rocky & Bullwinkle Show. It probably started me down the road to my love of puns. Every single segment just cracked me up, even when I had to ask my parents about some of the humor.

1959-1964. Long time ago. Still funny.

Jay Ward, the creator of this weirdly wonderful cartoon show, was a genius. I had many serious scholars of his work as friends during my academic years, so I may have overdosed on the reruns and analysis, but I still chuckle if I see a clip. If you are young, look it up and read about it in the article linked above. Then binge on Moose and Squirrel, Boris and Natasha, Mr. Peabody, and Dudley Do-Right.

Their college

I’m still thinking about things and issues, but more kindnesses from neighbors and some pleasant weather helped a lot today. I got things done that are hard for a person whose brain is not firing on all cylinders.

We’ve both had better hair days.

Still, the three days of much-needed rain put me way behind on bur removal, with only Apache done. I’ll try to get someone else in the herd done before my lesson tomorrow—since the horses finally have a round bale again, they won’t be so invested in getting tidbits of grass from between cocklebur plants.

All for me?

Wild Animals. OMG.

Do you ever see wild animals?

Dear Blog Prompt Writers,

Please remember that not all bloggers live in urban or suburban locations. Out here in a rural part of a very empty county in a state as big as many countries, we do see (more often hear) wild animals. We call them native wildlife.

Someone is tired from warding off wild animals.

Today’s count included 37 bird species, an unknown number of coyotes, around four pond cooters (who I thought might have dug a hole by now; it’s chilly), two very vocal squirrels, a large rat or mouse, two cottontails, and some number of swiftly moving deer.

We are usually in the bushes

It’s too cold for snakes right now, and the armadillo population is staying away from Goldie. I hope she and Alfred are also intimidated the feral hogs (I have seen little evidence lately).

I’m very far from Goldie

Neighbors report hearing cats, which could be feral house cats (usually dispensed with by raptors), bobcats (plenty of those), or the big cat that was last seen by the farrier.

As you can see, we blend in.

I often see opossums, skunks, and raccoons here, along with shrews and mice (ugh). Foxes have raised families next door at Sara’s!

This one did not spray any of our dogs.

A couple of times river otters have visited, and beavers live nearby, but I haven’t seen them. Oh, and pocket gophers, which are here, but not on the part of the property I hang out in.

This one was at a zoo, not here.

So yes. I do see wild animals. Thanks for asking. I’ll do you a favor and not list the insects and arachnids. I do have lists on the blog site, though.

Your observant country reporter,

Suna

An Ancestral Home

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

There are a few places I would call “favorite” of the relatively small number of locations I’ve visited. I wrote about one, the springs at the head of the San Marcos River, in October. Like my other favorite spots, this resonated with me, like I was meant to be there, or attached in some way I don’t understand.

Often such places contain oak trees or springs/wells

Today I’ll tell you about another place where I felt an overwhelming sense of connection. I’ve only been there once, when my sons were very young. We had spent some time in England while the kids’ dad worked, then we visited members of his family and other friends. The time had come, however, to go to Ireland to see the boys’ grandparents and other kin.

There we were.

We had a rental car, so we intended to take the ferry to Dublin, which was extra conveniently located near the grandparents’ home on Dublin Bay in Clontarf. I doubt you give a fig about these details, but in case my mind is going, I’m writing them down.

This isn’t exactly where they lived, but this was the view of the harbor.

To get to the ferry we had to drive through Wales, one of the most ruggedly beautiful places I’ve ever been (outside of quarries, mines, and such). After oohing and aahing at little trains and slate roofs, we crossed over into Anglesey Island, to catch the big car ferry out of Holyhead.

Everything was damp there it seemed.

Here is where you get proof that my previous husband is a good guy. We didn’t go on the zippy motorway. No, we went all around this amazing bit of land that’s just crawling with my favorites: standing stones, stone circles, and holy wells. It would have been more fun if there weren’t a gale wind blowing so hard that waves went over the road occasionally. There were even places where streams or creeks crossed the road. The kids liked that.

I made that poor man stop at many of these. Neolithic wonders. From Pexels.

At one point, on the east coast, there was a sign saying something about ancient dwellings. It was a place called Din Lligwy and it’s one of the oldest ruins of ancient dwellings in the islands off of Europe. There are very early Roman ruins and evidence of people living there long before Romans showed up.

These photos are from this lovely article.

I got out of the car and asked for ten minutes or so to see it. Rain was falling. Waves were crashing, and a bitter wind blew. I barely noticed. I stood there amid the foundations of the homes that were beside workshops and barns. I felt as if I could see my foremothers tending fires, nursing their babies, and creating homes, just like I was doing with my little family. This place felt like a home to me.

Anglesey Island, from Pixels

Of course I ran back to the car all wet and jibbering, but my ex was used to me and my ancient landmarks, and the boys liked my stories. I’ll never forget the short time I stood looking at the Irish Sea during a storm, like so many other mothers had before.

Yep. Ferry.

By the way, the weather did not improve and we all got very sick on the ferry. But it was an adventure!

I’m Good at Things!

Share five things you’re good at.

Since I’ve had a rough day emotionally, I’ll share something somewhat fun today. Of course, I’m good at many things, less good at others, like we all are. That’s one thing that makes people so interesting!

Lee and Penney are very good at relaxing together.

Here are the requested five things I’m good at.

One. I’m good at empathy. That’s both a positive and a negative. Today I truly felt someone’s pain over a loss. That wasn’t fun, but I’m glad I can do it. Empathy is probably why I’m so good at reading tarot cards. Combine empathy with a mind that treasures metaphors and insights keep a-coming.

Empathy can trap you in a beautiful web, like these spider eggs. They know how to escape.

Two. I can name animals well. I enjoy my human-like names. Since I’m on the letter C in chicken names, the new rooster is now Clint White. Get it?

He’s fit in like a champ.

Three. I’m a reasonably good writer. I’m not polished or brilliant, but I love expressing myself in writing. I have done it my whole life!

Another chicken picture, since all my journals are downstairs.

Four. I’m good at knitting and crocheting. I used to be very good, but now I just do it yo relax, not show how fancy I can be. My favorite thing is teaching others these skills, to bring a lifetime of never being bored.

Working on one of the many blankets I made for friends and family a while back.

Five. I’m good at using my peripheral vision. That’s how I can spot birds and animals so well. I detect movement practically as well as the ever-vigilant Apache. We are both easily attracted to movement when we are working together. No wonder we get along.

Buddies.

What are you good at? Since I love how people differ, I’m interested!

PS: sorry if the red text is hard to read. I designed it for the blog interface.

Being a Responsible Omnivore

What are your feelings about eating meat?

I’m answering the blog prompt today, because the lack of internet at this state park means I can’t upload posts with lots of images.

Two Gadwalls

Anyway, I think people get to make their own decisions about what they eat. There are many reasonable philosophical inclinations that lead people only to eat raw food, choose veganism, eat eggs and dairy, or eat various kinds of meat. I have no arguments with decisions that work for you.

My decision is based on practical considerations for the most part. Without meat, our family could never share a meal. Too many people raised on a traditional American diet. But I want to be a more thoughtful omnivore.

Artistic dried flower.

I believe including some animal products leads to a balanced diet of vitamins and minerals. But I also am convinced that plant-based foods are also vital, and should provide most of what I eat. If I was just feeding myself, my diet would include meat every couple of days, with carefully chosen meat. I don’t want to eat animals who’ve been treated badly, so ideally the chicken, beef, and pork would have had good lives.

Blackbirds

By this I mean they get to live outside in the fresh air and eat varied food. They get to raise their young. And harvest is quick and humane. Does that make food more expensive? Maybe. But if meat isn’t your primary source of nutrition maybe that’s okay.

On the Cleburne Lake dam

We buy grass-fed beef we know, which I hope we can continue when our neighbors move—and the small harvesting facilities are often overbooked here. Much of the pork we eat is harvested from the ranch. We also eat local venison. Chicken is difficult. I don’t have a good source of real free-range chicken (mine are for eggs). So I try to be an ethical omnivore, but it’s hard to do.

Spillway and cliffs

I guess the goal is to change my habits as much as I can. In the next few years, choices may differ.

More on our pleasant camping trip and how my mental health is doing in the next blog post. I do feel more calm, anyway.

Who Needs Sleep?

If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?

Let’s all remember that resting is good for us, and sleep is important for a healthy brain. But, if I didn’t have to sleep I’d spend more time with the horses. I could ride the rideable ones and work with the others much more often.

Just chilling

I would be able to tell my equine friends how much I value them, just as they are. They don’t have to perform to be valued. I’d tell Drew that a lot. I don’t think he likes the stuff we ask him to do anymore.

I like eating and walking around with Suna.

Of course some of the time I’d spend with birds and other woodland folk. I could watch flowers grow or help restore native habitat.

If I could do birds AND horses it would be ideal. This photo at Tarrin’s also contains Robins and I think a Killdeer.

I would spend the dark hours knitting or crocheting, reading, and writing. Hanging out with Lee would get a chunk of time, too. Hey that’s not much different from today. I’d meditate a lot, too.

Perhaps I could work on something other than this project.

And maybe with more awake hours I could do better at keeping up with beloved friends and family. That’s important.

The horses and dogs also count as beloved friends

So, no, I would not save the world, but I’d relish my world and try to make my community a happier place

I’d watch cranes when they’re going south or north!

Point: I enjoy sleeping. I’d miss it.

My Favorites

Who are your current most favorite people?

I’ll tell you who my favorite people are right now. They are the ones who:

  • Care about Mother Earth and show it
  • Believe everyone has a right to be their authentic selves
  • Work to protect and support their communities
  • Are capable of disagreeing respectfully
  • Do their best to keep learning and loving their whole lives
  • Accept that they can’t always do all of these things all the time, and extend grace to themselves

If I were a betting person, I’d wager that you are one of my favorite people.

October Love

What’s your favorite month of the year? Why?

I’m glad there was an easy question to answer today, because I’m wiped out from travel and unexpected stuff. Yes, I like October. There are always horse shows, the Master Naturalist meeting, and pleasant camping trips. The weather is usually good, too.

Autumnal image from today.

I’ll write more tomorrow, but I’m glad to be home with my animals, all of whom lived. I cried to see Goldie bounding up to me like she used to. She obviously feels fine at least for now! she’s running and having fun!

Happy tripod!

Horses and Fiona are good, as are the chickens now that I got them more food. That cheered me up, which I needed. Mentally I’m a bit down. Too much news reading I guess.

Less reading, more sky gazing, Suna!

Ambiguous Impressions

What’s the first impression you want to give people?

Ooh. I never thought of this before! I’m usually so anxious when I meet people that I just try to power through it. I do a lot of talking, because I’m nervous. I do at least ask questions and listen to the answers. And being short, wrinkly, and gray haired isn’t going to interest people who base first impressions on looks. I probably come across as a boorish old lady.

This small town made a good impression!

I’d LIKE to make a first impression as someone interesting, intelligent, funny, and friendly. At least that would be a good first impression on people who judge others on their personality.

I judge a lagoon on its birds, not its beauty. One final visit before leaving Hilton Head.

This makes no sense. My apologies. I have no idea what kind of impression to try for, or even if I should try. No wonder I’m a hermit. I think maybe I no longer care what people think. They can like me or not. I now don’t want or expect the people I meet to like or dislike me. Let’s get to know each other.


I do know I spent the day in the car, driving through Georgia and the Florida panhandle. Seeing hurricane damage was very distressing. I felt awful for the poor trees and humans.

Poor tree.

We saw some interesting small towns and a lot of peanut and cotton farming. We were behind a truck pulling a load of peanuts that started pelting us. That was fun.

Mound o’ peanuts

After a lovely sunset, we are tucked into a Pensacola hotel and resting comfortably. It’s always fun going in the back roads!