spirituality – Page 3 – The Hermits' Rest

An Ancestral Home

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

There are a few places I would call “favorite” of the relatively small number of locations I’ve visited. I wrote about one, the springs at the head of the San Marcos River, in October. Like my other favorite spots, this resonated with me, like I was meant to be there, or attached in some way I don’t understand.

Often such places contain oak trees or springs/wells

Today I’ll tell you about another place where I felt an overwhelming sense of connection. I’ve only been there once, when my sons were very young. We had spent some time in England while the kids’ dad worked, then we visited members of his family and other friends. The time had come, however, to go to Ireland to see the boys’ grandparents and other kin.

We had a rental car, so we intended to take the ferry to Dublin, which was extra conveniently located near the grandparents’ home on Dublin Bay in Clontarf. I doubt you give a fig about these details, but in case my mind is going, I’m writing them down.

This isn’t exactly where they lived, but this was the view of the harbor.

To get to the ferry we had to drive through Wales, one of the most ruggedly beautiful places I’ve ever been (outside of quarries, mines, and such). After oohing and aahing at little trains and slate roofs, we crossed over into Anglesey Island, to catch the big car ferry out of Holyhead.

Here is where you get proof that my previous husband is a good guy. We didn’t go on the zippy motorway. No, we went all around this amazing bit of land that’s just crawling with my favorites: standing stones, stone circles, and holy wells. It would have been more fun if there weren’t a gale wind blowing so hard that waves went over the road occasionally. There were even places where streams or creeks crossed the road. The kids liked that.

I made that poor man stop at many of these. Neolithic wonders. From Pexels.

At one point, on the east coast, there was a sign saying something about ancient dwellings. It was a place called Din Lligwy and it’s one of the oldest ruins of ancient dwellings in the islands off of Europe. There are very early Roman ruins and evidence of people living there long before Romans showed up.

These photos are from this lovely article.

I got out of the car and asked for ten minutes or so to see it. Rain was falling. Waves were crashing, and a bitter wind blew. I barely noticed. I stood there amid the foundations of the homes that were beside workshops and barns. I felt as if I could see my foremothers tending fires, nursing their babies, and creating homes, just like I was doing with my little family. This place felt like a home to me.

Of course I ran back to the car all wet and jibbering, but my ex was used to me and my ancient landmarks, and the boys liked my stories. I’ll never forget the short time I stood looking at the Irish Sea during a storm, like so many other mothers had before.

By the way, the weather did not improve and we all got very sick on the ferry. But it was an adventure!

The Owls’ Lesson

Owls are everywhere in my life now. You may recall that I saw the same Great Horned Owl (I assume) each time I walked through the woods on the prayer trail on Hilton Head. It would fly up a new branch where I could see and hear it but not photograph it.

Eternally grateful to this healing space.

Since I got back to the Hermits’ Rest on Sunday, owls have been calling morning and night. I’ve heard them occasionally before, but even the Merlin app has heart multiple Great Horned Owls calling back and forth.

Late yesterday afternoon, we were talking to the man who leases our property for his cattle and the owls were so loud we had to stop our conversation. I began to wonder if they were trying to get my attention.

Now, I doubt the owls give us humans a second thought. Still, this morning I heard them, as well as all dusk and into the night. Sometimes it was like owl stereo.

I have not been at all grounded since we got back to Texas. Yesterday I had that annoying buzzy head and feeling my blood rushing that I used to get often. Today I was in panic attack mode most of the morning, barely able to speak. Then my nervous stomach kicked in to where I couldn’t go to my horse lesson. I was feeling puny and powerless.

I was also prickly like this noseburn vine!

After feeding the horses, I sat down to try for the third time of the day to breathe and meditate. That’s when the owls went into heavy hooting mode. So I just listened. Finally, I was able to regulate my breathing and get back into the moment…just in time for flocks of Sandhill Cranes to clamor their way across the crisp afternoon sky.

I thought about what lesson I could draw from being surrounded by these apex predators. What could I take on for myself?

Owls aren’t in your face. They blend in with their surroundings and keep their power to themselves until they need it. That seems like a useful strategy to borrow.

Owls have their communities (hoot, hoot) and stay in touch with their beloved members. I need to do that better, especially with those not on social media. I’m thankful to those who prod me to keep in touch.

Most important to me is that owls know where they fit in with the grand scheme of things. They help keep prey populations from growing too large, but don’t take more than they need. They act as if the trees, meadows, mice, and birds are not less important than them. I think humans (me) could learn from this.

I’m grateful to the owls for reminding me to stay focused on the here and now and to hold on to my strength for when I’ll need it.

Grief comes in waves, and sometimes they push you under for a while. Today I let waves of grief and fear wash over me, though I’m not sure why it hit today. If you are one of those who struggled today, remember you’re not alone and can try to soar and swoop like the cranes and owls tomorrow.

Blessed be.

King Arthur and Queen Goldie

What historical event fascinates you the most?

Two topics tonight! First, I have one of those physical reactions to places associated with Arthurian legends. One of the places I got the “vibes” from like on the Sacred Springs was Avebury, in England, especially Silbury Hill. I guess it’s not surprising, since it’s one of those places with “ley lines” (which you can believe or not).

I’ve read enough about King Arthur and those times to know that we have little idea what the people then were up to, if they were real. But it’s attached to my ancestry, so I find it interesting. Really, the ancient Celts seem like a bunch of angry people who liked to fight, and English history after 1066 didn’t make English folks seem more sympathetic, at least the ruling class. But I’m thinking whatever my ancestry is, there were a bunch of pagan misfits, like me today.

Anyway, the blog prompters asked, and this was my answer. It may not even be historical.

As for Queen Goldie, last night she triumphantly mounted the stairs and came up to sleep with me.

It’s hard to sleep wedged up against her with Carlton at my feet, but I appreciated the opportunity.

That was a surprise. Being a dog, she hadn’t thought about what goes up having to come down, so her descent was a bit scary. But she was all right. We ordered some stair tread carpet to keep her from slipping if she tries again.

Dr. Amy said she wanted to see Goldie again today after reading about her adventures. We got her in the car, and Lee took her to the mobile clinic. Goldie got more IV fluids and an antibiotic shot. She still has an infection going on, though Amy said she is obviously much improved.

One thing’s for sure, Goldie is eating again, which we take as a very good sign. I’m hoping she keeps up the improvement. She has a whole family team looking after her!

And Samhain blessings to all you folks who keep up the old traditions.

We All Should Know

What’s something you believe everyone should know.

Life would be better for all of us if we realized that we are all one big family on this earth and that we all have a place in the Big Picture. That’s not just people. It’s the whole ecosystem.

I try to think of the Big Picture frequently.

Maybe we’d all live and let live if we bore this in mind. We humans have different cultures, as do other sentient beings. It would sure be nice if there were more coexistence.

Who am I kidding?

I sorta wish the wind would just blow me away. But I’ll manage. You try, too.

Today My World Was Rocked

Oh I needed today. Words have failed me when I’ve tried to describe what I experienced, but I’ll try to summarize.

This morning I attended a field session at the location of the former Aquarena Springs tourist attraction, which has been lovingly returned to a more natural state by Texas State University and is now the meadows Center for Water and the Environment. Before it was an attraction, it was a site of a gristmill. Before that, it was a sacred site for native people who believed they were born from the springs.

I’d met the descendants of this tribe at a conference years ago. They talked about the Sacred Springs and how it had magical qualities. That’s why I wanted to attend the session on Field Environmental Philosophy As An Approach Towards Mindfulness and Reconnection With Freshwater Ecosystems. That’s a mouthful.

Oh my goodness. The session, which was led by three philosophy professors, was exactly what I needed to put together the seemingly disparate pieces of my spiritual practice, personal philosophy, and scientific interests. It’s biocultural conservation. The techniques the presentation demonstrated show how you can integrate mindfulness and connection with nature and scientific analysis. Bingo. That’s my goal.

I got a bit overwhelmed just standing at the sacred site. It felt like one of “my” places. I was deeply comforted and quite moved. One of the professors noticed. I said I felt connection, like ley lines. He said that’s because many sensitive people say the same thing! Eureka. I found my Texas home spot at last. (I know of two others, one in Florida and one in Wales.)

I no longer wonder if I shouldn’t be identifying birds while doing my breathing exercises. I feel validated in my drive to perceive the world around me in all the modalities. It’s just a great feeling.

Anyway, we did an observation exercise then came back and talked about it. I think the philosophers were ticked that so many of us were blown away by what they were sharing with us. There were so many great pieces of feedback and questions. I have many reading resources to look up now. I’m stoked.

I enjoyed hearing the birds and looking at the beautiful plants on this site, too. The university is doing great work to preserve this area.

The rest of my day was full of fine conversations with new and old friends and even some rest. I met interesting people in the vendor area and learned from them. Fascinating stuff about night sky preservation, fireflies, raptors, and native seeds. Bonus was meeting a woman who’s just published a book on karst and caves in this area, another interest of mine!

The Texas Master Naturalist annual meeting kickoff was back at the springs. I enjoyed the glass-bottom boat tide very much. I’m glad they kept the boats from the tourist days. Here are some fish and turtle photos.

After the boat I went into the aquarium area in the building on site. They had examples of all the fish we saw in the river, plus the Texas River Cooter turtles. The garfish were so cool. Plus there was an eel. I love aquariums.

I came on back before the nothing began and joined my friend Mike for a drink. I wish we could see him more often. I caught him up with the rest of our chapter members and he caught me up with his naturalist and ethics work.

I still have time to blog for you! Enjoy this dump of more photos of my day at the aquatic center.

Can I Be Lazy?

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

Until my recent bout of Covid, I hadn’t had a lazy day in a long time. In recent years, I’ve just felt better if I was active. I just didn’t sit around a lot. when I was sick I genuinely had to just lay around. I hated it. But I did it.

It reminded me, though, that there is good in being still and not doing something for more than the daily meditation time. I’ve been trying to let myself have more time with no agenda and no “have to do” urges. I’m usually full of those.

Goldie says she just “has to” adorn the fake rug.

That’s the closest I get to lazy days. I am working to balance my daily agenda with more loose time hanging around with Lee or the horses. I think both man and beast enjoy me just being me. I do, too. And I think I feel rested!

Join us on this beach, Suna! (The pond is drying up.)

I think my productivity is better when I don’t stack activities on top of each other after all. I was getting pretty frenzied there for a while. I’m still getting in my steps and exercise, so I’m glad I’m feeling okay about not being so physically busy. It’s a more balanced approach.

Next: letting myself do nothing mentally when I’m not meditating. I’m always birding, knitting, reading, writing, editing, or something. Right now it’s helping me avoid intrusive thoughts about the near future. So I’ll keep my mind occupied until November.

PS: it finally cooled off! Today wasn’t hot!

Book Report: Wild Old Woman

Once again, my friend Ann thrusted a book at me and said she knew I’d like it. She’s very good at selecting reading material for me. Ann said there was a part in it about Burning Man, did I know anything about it?

It was hard to find a usable photo of burning man. This is a temple. From Pexels

Well, yes, I know people whose adult children go, and my jewelry friend got married there. And I get the concept, but never had an urge to go. Too much sand and too many drugs for me. I really hate sand and wind combined. It gets everywhere. And most of my life I avoided psychedelic drugs. I was afraid of messing up the only brain I had.

But, that’s neither here nor there. The book Ann gave me was Wild Old Woman, by Joan Maloof, a great writer about trees and nature. This memoir, more about love, sex, spirituality, and adventure, was self published this past summer.

And yes, indeed, this was a memoir that resonated with this weird old Suna woman as I’m sure it did with Ann. Bonus: I learned a lot about Burning Man, among other places. I don’t plan to go, but Maloof sure learned a lot there.

Sometimes memoirs are interesting because the writer does fascinating things or meets famous people. This one intrigued me because Maloof experienced many life changes and spiritual insights, and she reacted just like I would, for better or worse. That felt a little weird. I appreciated her honesty and openness. She’s a real, fallible human with many strengths, but who likes to examine her failings as endlessly as I do.

One of the best parts of the wild old woman’s tale (she is a couple of years older than me) comes after the narrative ends and Maloof finishes her dream journey to Bhutan. She provides two “meta” chapters that outline how the book took shape, was reviewed, and was published. I just loved how this section provides insight, especially into what’s not in the book and why.

I learned something in this section that gave me a useful new understanding about a certain kind of very frustrating relationship, one I have experienced as well. This relationship is with a man who keeps pushing her away and pulling her back, while her brain recognizes the pattern but her heart understands why he acts the way he does. It’s called a trauma bond. Here’s what she discovered:

I learned that it was more of a one-way thing. Someone alternates being kind with being unkind, and the bondee sticks around waiting for the next dose of kindness-sugar. P. 199

That explains an extremely embarrassing relationship I was enmeshed in when I was much younger. I knew the guy had issues and was toying with me, but I kept coming back, hoping for more kindness.

Maloof pointed out that her research said that the only way to get out of a trauma bond relationship is to completely cut it off. And I did that. I was in contact once more when I was older, and the person started right back in with the poor me, everyone is out to get me stories. I didn’t reply.

I’m just happy to know there’s a better word for what I went through for a few years than pathological obsession. I feel closer to closure over this regrettable and embarrassing period of my life. It’s hard to admit I could be so gullible, but I was young and inexperienced. I have worked years to forgive myself. I mostly have done so.

Sadly (in my mind) Maloof is still going through the push and pull, though distanced. Maybe it’s okay. On the other hand, she’s still living alone and free, running her wonderful nonprofit to save trees. We all have things to work on, even us chronic meditators.

Calm Vibes All Around

This I know: if I send calm thoughts out, breathe deeply, and center myself, life’s a lot easier. It’s certainly made life with the animals better. All that nature walking really has helped!

Today I spent a lot of time with the horses. We tend to end up in a feedback loop of good vibes these days. Watching them interacting gently calms me down and me being calm makes them easy to work with. I’m very glad the period of stress and pain for us all is becoming a dim memory.

I enjoy watching them showing signs of affection. It’s mostly Drew, Mabel, and Dusty, though.

Apache seems to take his leadership role very seriously. At least he’s friendly with me. My daily hugs and exercise are good for us both. We’ve worked hard to get in synch and I can tell he’s in better spirits now.

I’ve tried giving him his medicine in gel caps. It takes away the smell, but then he goes and chomps on the capsule and tastes the pill. We will figure something out. Maybe I should stick them in bananas.

I finally got to where I could make myself clean out the chicken coop and run. The chicken killings were hard on me. But today I murdered all the cocklebur and birdseed plants that had grown up in the main section. That was a very unpleasant task, especially since it’s gotten hot again suddenly.

I also cleaned the evidence of poultry genocide in the coop building. I wore a mask, so I didn’t get sick like last time, and I used my horse poop shovel to clean the floor. It was really tricky maneuvering the bulky shovel but I managed.

There is a chance new chickens will magically appear tomorrow. I will insist on keeping them penned up. I’m not sure if Bianca will join them now that she thinks she’s a horse. Even she has calm vibes now, and she used to be a jumpy hen.

I love horse food, especially Dusty’s pellets.

No dog news. They all seem stable. That’s better than it could be, so we will keep enjoying them.

I’m Inconsistent

Here’s an admission, one we probably can all relate to in our own ways. I can embrace two conflicting beliefs and feel fine about it.

I hope Carlton isn’t judging me for this.

I’ve always been quick to smugly point out cognitive dissonance in others when I spot it. It does make you feel like you’re intellectually superior, like you’d never do such a thing. But I bet you do.

I’m pretty sure Goldie IS judging me there from her recuperation spot.

Here’s my example. I’m not at all comfortable with violence. War disturbs me deeply, as does killing of other humans in other situations. I can’t fathom why my friends and neighbors want to arm themselves so they can be ready to kill at a moment’s notice. I’ve no tolerance for domestic violence. Yeah, quite the pacifist wimp, I know.

But today I watched three professional American football games enthusiastically, especially when the Dallas Cowboys were playing. I enjoy the strategy and athleticism of the game. But there’s a lot of hitting, pushing, falling, and hurting involved. Hmm. How on earth can I love football and hate violence?

There’s no good answer. Part of it is the culture I was raised in, which is a subset of American culture that lacks the gun worship, but has the sports enjoyment feature. It’s just how I ended up.

I’m a mix of values and beliefs I got from my parents, schools, mentors, and books. Photo from Pexels.

I could work on being more consistent. Alternatively, I could just live with it, just like all those Christians who hate people who look or talk differently, or the law and order folks who are fine with electing a lying criminal as their leader. Our minds work in mysterious ways. Asking humans to be logical and consistent is probably asking too much.

Go Cowboys.

Spiritual Is a Loaded Word – I Stick with Love

How important is spirituality in your life?

It’s pretty common to hear people say, “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” I don’t think it’s a way to avoid the hard stuff, or a convenient cop out. It’s true for many of us ruminating, pondering types who just don’t like rigid rules.

Eryngo (*Eryngium hookeri*) showed up here! I didn’t know it was native.

Organized religion is not my idea of a spirituality nurturing institution, probably because they’re institutions more than pathways to spiritual growth. Any group that thinks it has all the answers turns out not to have them.

Also new in the fields is Soft Goldaster (*Bradburia pilosa*)

So, I draw my spirituality from the life spirit around me, in the rocks, trees, wind, animals, and ineffable sparks of realities just beyond my perception. You know, like viruses used to be for humans. A tradition I once followed mentioned an interconnected web of life. My spiritual practice honors that.

Yes, I’m connected to the Prairie Boopie

I also try to express my connections to all around me in how I live my life. I get most of my ideas from teachers like the Buddha, Jesus, and Starhawk, but I’ve received guidance from many other teachers, some of whom didn’t end up with a religion purporting to represent them. Pay attention and you’ll find the wisdom to lead you to peace and clarity in all sorts of unexpected places from surprising messengers. Some may be horses or dogs.

Speaking of them, I do find that the presence of my animal companions fills a void I experience in even wonderful periods of travel. I’m so glad to be back to feel Goldie’s giant, rough paw on my face or Mabel’s warm, curious breath from so much higher than Dusty’s even-tempered nudges.

Home is where you ground yourself, and I have finally reached a point where the Hermits’ Rest centers me almost as much as my hometown in Florida did. My spiritual center needs that grounding. I spent half my life without it! It’s good to have a home again. Yes. Now my love for all existence can grow and be shared freely.

Scruffy but lovable house. The land is home!

Right now the ranch has been taken over by cicadas. I’m glad we only got one eruption here and that they won’t be here too long. Maybe I managed to miss two weeks of them by leaving! I can barely hear birds!

On the other hand, it’s easy to meditate around them. It’s like singing bowls, only more grating.