spirituality – Page 4 – The Hermits' Rest

Can I Be Lazy?

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

Until my recent bout of Covid, I hadn’t had a lazy day in a long time. In recent years, I’ve just felt better if I was active. I just didn’t sit around a lot. when I was sick I genuinely had to just lay around. I hated it. But I did it.

It reminded me, though, that there is good in being still and not doing something for more than the daily meditation time. I’ve been trying to let myself have more time with no agenda and no “have to do” urges. I’m usually full of those.

Goldie says she just “has to” adorn the fake rug.

That’s the closest I get to lazy days. I am working to balance my daily agenda with more loose time hanging around with Lee or the horses. I think both man and beast enjoy me just being me. I do, too. And I think I feel rested!

Join us on this beach, Suna! (The pond is drying up.)

I think my productivity is better when I don’t stack activities on top of each other after all. I was getting pretty frenzied there for a while. I’m still getting in my steps and exercise, so I’m glad I’m feeling okay about not being so physically busy. It’s a more balanced approach.

Next: letting myself do nothing mentally when I’m not meditating. I’m always birding, knitting, reading, writing, editing, or something. Right now it’s helping me avoid intrusive thoughts about the near future. So I’ll keep my mind occupied until November.

PS: it finally cooled off! Today wasn’t hot!

Book Report: Wild Old Woman

Once again, my friend Ann thrusted a book at me and said she knew I’d like it. She’s very good at selecting reading material for me. Ann said there was a part in it about Burning Man, did I know anything about it?

It was hard to find a usable photo of burning man. This is a temple. From Pexels

Well, yes, I know people whose adult children go, and my jewelry friend got married there. And I get the concept, but never had an urge to go. Too much sand and too many drugs for me. I really hate sand and wind combined. It gets everywhere. And most of my life I avoided psychedelic drugs. I was afraid of messing up the only brain I had.

But, that’s neither here nor there. The book Ann gave me was Wild Old Woman, by Joan Maloof, a great writer about trees and nature. This memoir, more about love, sex, spirituality, and adventure, was self published this past summer.

And yes, indeed, this was a memoir that resonated with this weird old Suna woman as I’m sure it did with Ann. Bonus: I learned a lot about Burning Man, among other places. I don’t plan to go, but Maloof sure learned a lot there.

Sometimes memoirs are interesting because the writer does fascinating things or meets famous people. This one intrigued me because Maloof experienced many life changes and spiritual insights, and she reacted just like I would, for better or worse. That felt a little weird. I appreciated her honesty and openness. She’s a real, fallible human with many strengths, but who likes to examine her failings as endlessly as I do.

One of the best parts of the wild old woman’s tale (she is a couple of years older than me) comes after the narrative ends and Maloof finishes her dream journey to Bhutan. She provides two “meta” chapters that outline how the book took shape, was reviewed, and was published. I just loved how this section provides insight, especially into what’s not in the book and why.

I learned something in this section that gave me a useful new understanding about a certain kind of very frustrating relationship, one I have experienced as well. This relationship is with a man who keeps pushing her away and pulling her back, while her brain recognizes the pattern but her heart understands why he acts the way he does. It’s called a trauma bond. Here’s what she discovered:

I learned that it was more of a one-way thing. Someone alternates being kind with being unkind, and the bondee sticks around waiting for the next dose of kindness-sugar. P. 199

That explains an extremely embarrassing relationship I was enmeshed in when I was much younger. I knew the guy had issues and was toying with me, but I kept coming back, hoping for more kindness.

Maloof pointed out that her research said that the only way to get out of a trauma bond relationship is to completely cut it off. And I did that. I was in contact once more when I was older, and the person started right back in with the poor me, everyone is out to get me stories. I didn’t reply.

I’m just happy to know there’s a better word for what I went through for a few years than pathological obsession. I feel closer to closure over this regrettable and embarrassing period of my life. It’s hard to admit I could be so gullible, but I was young and inexperienced. I have worked years to forgive myself. I mostly have done so.

Sadly (in my mind) Maloof is still going through the push and pull, though distanced. Maybe it’s okay. On the other hand, she’s still living alone and free, running her wonderful nonprofit to save trees. We all have things to work on, even us chronic meditators.

Calm Vibes All Around

This I know: if I send calm thoughts out, breathe deeply, and center myself, life’s a lot easier. It’s certainly made life with the animals better. All that nature walking really has helped!

Today I spent a lot of time with the horses. We tend to end up in a feedback loop of good vibes these days. Watching them interacting gently calms me down and me being calm makes them easy to work with. I’m very glad the period of stress and pain for us all is becoming a dim memory.

I enjoy watching them showing signs of affection. It’s mostly Drew, Mabel, and Dusty, though.

Apache seems to take his leadership role very seriously. At least he’s friendly with me. My daily hugs and exercise are good for us both. We’ve worked hard to get in synch and I can tell he’s in better spirits now.

I’ve tried giving him his medicine in gel caps. It takes away the smell, but then he goes and chomps on the capsule and tastes the pill. We will figure something out. Maybe I should stick them in bananas.

I finally got to where I could make myself clean out the chicken coop and run. The chicken killings were hard on me. But today I murdered all the cocklebur and birdseed plants that had grown up in the main section. That was a very unpleasant task, especially since it’s gotten hot again suddenly.

I also cleaned the evidence of poultry genocide in the coop building. I wore a mask, so I didn’t get sick like last time, and I used my horse poop shovel to clean the floor. It was really tricky maneuvering the bulky shovel but I managed.

There is a chance new chickens will magically appear tomorrow. I will insist on keeping them penned up. I’m not sure if Bianca will join them now that she thinks she’s a horse. Even she has calm vibes now, and she used to be a jumpy hen.

I love horse food, especially Dusty’s pellets.

No dog news. They all seem stable. That’s better than it could be, so we will keep enjoying them.

I’m Inconsistent

Here’s an admission, one we probably can all relate to in our own ways. I can embrace two conflicting beliefs and feel fine about it.

I hope Carlton isn’t judging me for this.

I’ve always been quick to smugly point out cognitive dissonance in others when I spot it. It does make you feel like you’re intellectually superior, like you’d never do such a thing. But I bet you do.

I’m pretty sure Goldie IS judging me there from her recuperation spot.

Here’s my example. I’m not at all comfortable with violence. War disturbs me deeply, as does killing of other humans in other situations. I can’t fathom why my friends and neighbors want to arm themselves so they can be ready to kill at a moment’s notice. I’ve no tolerance for domestic violence. Yeah, quite the pacifist wimp, I know.

But today I watched three professional American football games enthusiastically, especially when the Dallas Cowboys were playing. I enjoy the strategy and athleticism of the game. But there’s a lot of hitting, pushing, falling, and hurting involved. Hmm. How on earth can I love football and hate violence?

There’s no good answer. Part of it is the culture I was raised in, which is a subset of American culture that lacks the gun worship, but has the sports enjoyment feature. It’s just how I ended up.

I’m a mix of values and beliefs I got from my parents, schools, mentors, and books. Photo from Pexels.

I could work on being more consistent. Alternatively, I could just live with it, just like all those Christians who hate people who look or talk differently, or the law and order folks who are fine with electing a lying criminal as their leader. Our minds work in mysterious ways. Asking humans to be logical and consistent is probably asking too much.

Go Cowboys.

Spiritual Is a Loaded Word – I Stick with Love

How important is spirituality in your life?

It’s pretty common to hear people say, “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” I don’t think it’s a way to avoid the hard stuff, or a convenient cop out. It’s true for many of us ruminating, pondering types who just don’t like rigid rules.

Eryngo (*Eryngium hookeri*) showed up here! I didn’t know it was native.

Organized religion is not my idea of a spirituality nurturing institution, probably because they’re institutions more than pathways to spiritual growth. Any group that thinks it has all the answers turns out not to have them.

Also new in the fields is Soft Goldaster (*Bradburia pilosa*)

So, I draw my spirituality from the life spirit around me, in the rocks, trees, wind, animals, and ineffable sparks of realities just beyond my perception. You know, like viruses used to be for humans. A tradition I once followed mentioned an interconnected web of life. My spiritual practice honors that.

Yes, I’m connected to the Prairie Boopie

I also try to express my connections to all around me in how I live my life. I get most of my ideas from teachers like the Buddha, Jesus, and Starhawk, but I’ve received guidance from many other teachers, some of whom didn’t end up with a religion purporting to represent them. Pay attention and you’ll find the wisdom to lead you to peace and clarity in all sorts of unexpected places from surprising messengers. Some may be horses or dogs.

Speaking of them, I do find that the presence of my animal companions fills a void I experience in even wonderful periods of travel. I’m so glad to be back to feel Goldie’s giant, rough paw on my face or Mabel’s warm, curious breath from so much higher than Dusty’s even-tempered nudges.

Home is where you ground yourself, and I have finally reached a point where the Hermits’ Rest centers me almost as much as my hometown in Florida did. My spiritual center needs that grounding. I spent half my life without it! It’s good to have a home again. Yes. Now my love for all existence can grow and be shared freely.

Scruffy but lovable house. The land is home!

Right now the ranch has been taken over by cicadas. I’m glad we only got one eruption here and that they won’t be here too long. Maybe I managed to miss two weeks of them by leaving! I can barely hear birds!

On the other hand, it’s easy to meditate around them. It’s like singing bowls, only more grating.

Rocks, Crystals, and Stones

Today was excellent. I got lots of work done AND enjoyed Sedona. Waking up at my normal time, which is 5 am here, lets me have a lot of time left over for fun, so today I enjoyed all things rocky.

The fun started when we went to the condo place and got help booking some tours for tomorrow and the weekend. This way Lee won’t have to drive and can actually see the Grand Canyon and Antelope Canyon. There happened to be some lovely women selling jewelry and I got some small things there.

We drove around Sedona and stopped to get some views of the red rock formations all around us. The drive between Oak Canyon and Sedona is breathtaking.

One place we stopped was the trail head for an equestrian trail. I hope to go hike it, since it’s probably not too steep. I was happy to find out that our National Parks pass covers the entry fees for the hikes. I’m glad I went into a hiking shop to figure that out. I also got the ideal Texas hiking pants: long but weightless. That will keep bugs off but breathe.

In Sedona, we had dinner (Texas time) in a place with delicious fresh food and a wonderful view. We met some other diners who it turned out lived near me when I was raising my kids. We then saw them at the nearby crystal shop. I love me a good crystal shop. No, I did not get my aura read.

Finally we went to a store with real Navajo rugs, which made me swoon. The big Two Gray Hills ones were very impressive. Someday…

Lee talked to this guy so much he froze.

We drove through the fun touristy shop area, found some not-wealthy people housing, then went to the western part of Sedona where there are banks, grocery stores, and non-woo woo establishments for people who live there. Still, very pretty. Lee met someone in the bank who knew where Cameron was! This whole visit has been full of things like that.

And after I finished reading my novel (report tomorrow) I went on another bird walk. My only new bird was a Scrub Jay. Note: It sure smells good here with so many trees blooming. I took one of Lee’s allergy pills, so now I’m fine in the sinus department.

Book Report: Weyward

I wanted to finish this book before I went on vacation next week, so I indulged myself and spent much of the day today finishing Weyward, the debut novel by Emilia Hart (2023). My local friends who are in a book club together kept talking about “the book” and how they knew I would like it, so eventually it got passed on to me.

Of course I liked it! If a book had “Suna Shoukd Read Me” on its cover, it would be this one. It’s even set in the area from whence my ancestors came (Cumbria). And there’s a Viscount of Kendall hereditary title in the novel, which is totally made up.

But it’s the women who are linked by strong blood ties as well as ties to nature that draw you into the story. Like many novels, there are parallel plots in different timelines that eventually come together. And there’s a thread of the supernatural that’s not over the top.

Basically, I enjoyed Weyward because it felt like it could depict a distant branch of my own family. I just have to root for a bunch of dark-haired, dark-eyed, weird women who understand nature better than those around them. They are just like me, only more so.

I recommend this book to anyone who likes strong female characters, fantasy novels that aren’t over the top, and clean, consistent writing. Of course, I think a large percent of my friends have already read it!

Now I can give the book back to Ann, who can return it to her son, who kindly embossed his name on page 100, like I used to do.

Organized Religion, Unpopular Beliefs, and Such

Do you practice religion?

Have we met? If we have, you probably know I’m not a fan of organized religion. It seems like whenever some spiritual leader comes along, followers start twisting their teachings around to justify their agendas. I’ll stop there and let the reader come up with their own examples. It’s not hard to do.

No illustrations go with this blog so enjoy some bugs.

I’ve tried, of course. I always liked church as a kid because there was singing. In harmony. I liked that. The inconsistency of the teachings? Not so much.

I have tried a couple of other paths, but each started trying to say “my doctrine is better than yours” (even Wicca/neopaganism) and I got disinterested in any organized activity. Even Buddhists can start telling you how you should and shouldn’t practice. Fine for those people. Not for me. And the songs for both groups aren’t much fun.

I did stick with UnitarIan Universalism for a long time. The music was excellent and I got to be in a folk group, a choir, and a rock band. But power struggles, infighting, and most of all, the oppressive political correctness mandates got to be too much for me. I got to where I was afraid to speak, because someone would give me a lecture on how I triggered them, used last week’s correct labels, or missed a pronoun. (Note that I do my best to keep up and love everyone in all the trigger-prone communities). I’m just old and slow even as I try to learn (this statement will lead to a lecture on how I COULD do better if I tried, so I’m a sucky ally).

Anyway, my first point is that no matter who you think is the Best Spiritual Leader, I probably respect them and their teachings. My own path draws a lot from the Buddha, Jesus (his actual sayings), and Starhawk. But it’s mine, and I don’t expect you to follow it. I still respect other wise teachings as well. I will say I’m not fond of Mao or Lenin. I’m allowed. Right now at least.

Enjoy my smaller, but repaired, chicken pen.

And here’s my second point. People say things, sometimes in public, that reflect their spiritual path, philosophy, or culture. Sometimes we will agree with them; sometimes we will disagree. But it’s very important to let people say what they have to say. Heck, it tells you whose businesses to support, what sports teams to follow, or who to vote for.

Do not enjoy this large Queen fire ant that flies. Check those mandibles out.

Lately there’s been a lot of commentary about people who express opinions in public that don’t match those of their audiences. Examples include the football player who waxed on about women and motherhood, and Richard Dreyfus, who seems to have said sexist and racist things to an audience that didn’t come to hear that talk.

How should we handle this kind of thing? Well we sure don’t want to go censoring them. That can easily get turned around to where the other side feels censored because THEIR beliefs offend others(aside from the fact that I do censor myself often in my current political setting).

Enjoy my coffee mug from today. I’m running out of things to enjoy.

Nope. These people should say what they want to say, and then deal with the consequences. People will walk out of the venue, which is fine. Or they may no longer buy their products. But the speakers still get to talk.

Enjoy my creepily flesh-colored nails. Only flesh colored for white people, of course.

And those of us with different views also get to talk, even if we can’t be quite woke enough.

I worry that having uncommon beliefs, spiritual or otherwise, may be grounds for punishment in the future if we aren’t careful. Let’s treat those we disagree with the way we hope they’d treat us if we spoke out. We can respect their right to speak, but not be forced to listen.

Sigh. Here’s a dream. Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone felt comfortable flying flags with our favorite candidate’s name on it?

So Much to Be Happy About

Sure. Given the choice, I’ll choose being happy. I don’t think that was always my choice. Sometimes I chose something other than happiness. Melodrama? Ennui? Risk-taking? Emotional masochism? Whatever it was, it’s gone.

More space in my brain for wildflower appreciation.

That leaves so much room for positive experiences, contentment with whatever comes up, and inner peace. Of course, there are moments of wonder and happy times, but I’m loving the contentment I’ve achieved. More challenges will come up, but I have good tools for coping.

Speaking of challenges, I bet baby Hope will provide some, but cute ones.

Work has been fun, because I’m learning new ideas and helping out others. People are just so interesting when you just observe them and help out. I’m out of the office politics game, and love the detachment.

Just observing and noticing is way better than getting emotionally involved!

Horses are still fun, too. Today was Apache’s lesson and I got to go with Sara. That won’t happen much more in the future, so I enjoyed watching her and Aragorn trying new things.

Apache spent more time getting his hooves trimmed. I think he gets his done as much as I do. But it’s his lot in life, being metabolically challenged.

My new helmet matches all his tack. It even has cactuses on it.

We enjoyed our lesson until side passing time. We just aren’t good at that. I guess we know what to work on!

He’s a good horse. And I washed all the sweat off.

The heat is back, so I’m pretty tired. And my back hurts where I fell from Drew last week. Plus, our pool pump seems to have gone out. Always something to deal with, but hey, I’m not hospitalized like poor Kathleen has been all week (another spider bite). Tomorrow will be better, no doubt!

Maybe I’ll see the black mud daubers! No, these don’t sting you.

Beltane Invocation

Beltane reminds me how I’m part of the whole. Sometimes you just need to stand in the woods and feel like you’re a part of it. Bugs, birds, buds, and me. It helps you gain perspective. So I wrote a little invocation with pictures.