Holidays – Page 3 – The Hermits' Rest

Fun Up North

That’s north of Dallas, Texas. My pseudo-granddaughter had her third birthday party today, which provided an excellent excuse to visit her actual grandmother, my friend Pouri.

I drove up yesterday afternoon (still no fun driving through Dallas) and made it in time for a fabulous Persian meal. She overdid it as usual. I’m not complaining, of course. So many herbs, so much flavor. Saffron rice, salad with figs, nuts, and pomegranate…beef kebab and chicken with tasty potatoes. Wow. And there were persimmons for dessert.

Mostly this was a great chance to catch up and talk in a relaxed way. What a wonderful thing to do. That makes two nice talks with old friends in one week! This is the perfect thing to do in uncertain times, be with people you care about.

After a nice sleep in the cute guest room, Pouri gave me a “light” breakfast of many kinds of toast and exquisite preserves, like quince and sour cherries. Pouri is really a great hostess. I tried to take mental notes, but…

She put cute birds in the bathroom for me.

After breakfast, I took a walk around the neighborhood and heard 22 birds. There was a Great Horned Owl and a Cooper’s Hawk, and many overconfident crows.

Apparently this suburb is crawling with wildlife, including multiple bobcats. I saw enough squirrels to scare Anita for life, plus some rabbits, but no bobcats. I’m as intrigued with suburbs as I was last year.

The party was this afternoon at Ellie’s new house. It made me so happy to see how well she and Jimmy have done in their careers and with their daughter. I mean, Ellie just went with it when a vampire theme was requested for the party. All the dripping blood mixed well with the Christmas decor. So cute.

All the children were cute and I got to chat with the extended family some, too. Ellie and I plan to talk next week, when she’s relaxed.

Face painting went over very well. The painter was quite skilled. Pouri and I got flowers. Why not?

I drove back home this evening. So I’m pretty darned tired, especially since I hit a lot of rain. But I’m glad I went. I can’t wait for more catch-up sessions. I’ve been hiding too long.

I didn’t miss the dogs, because Banjo was there. Such a well behaved dog.

Surviving the Spotlight

Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?

Um. Yes. I probably should have studied acting. I enjoy performing very much, and have since I was a child. I like being someone else, whether doing music or speaking. Most of my speaking has been teaching or training. I enjoy it. Perhaps that’s why I’m a corporate trainer and spent much of my life singing in choruses and harmony groups.

Still, I prefer a friendly audience. Usually that’s not an issue. I mostly sang to friends or people I had things in common with, and I just make the people I’m training into a friendly audience with my relentless friendliness. Who IS that woman?

Here I’m orating at the Grand Canyon, or pretending to be

It’s been a lot harder lately for me to get out in public and “perform.” I admit that the reason I’m so “on” at parties is that it’s more like fake performance Suna is there, not real anxiety-ridden Suna.

My friend Debra and I about to launch into holiday songs. Not really. We just dressed similarly.

I succeeded tonight in doing okay at the Master Naturalist holiday party. I was probably overly outgoing, but I had fun taking pictures and being silly. I’d been really nervous beforehand. I think it’s because I haven’t ventured into a group of people who aren’t all close to me since…October I think.

But it went well and I was pleased with the fun, good food, and gift swap (I got a cool hand-carved whale!). Whew. I did it. I’m tired now, like any introvert is after mingling, but I feel ok. People were kind to me, too.

You’ve all been very kind after yesterday’s dumping of some of my issues. I do want to say we will have enough land for horse pastures; just not how I’d wanted it. I wasn’t dry clear. Thank you all for caring.

Weekend Blues

Nothing of great interest has been going on, other than inside my head. It’s rained a bit, not enough to fill up the ponds, but enough to make for messy horse times. And it’s nice and cool, but damp cold makes chores pretty miserable.

My new medication regimen is helping and apparently needed, because I tried cutting one out and my anxiety chest pain is back. Let me say once again that an anxiety stinks. I do not like taking medication, but I guess I need it a while longer.

Pills can be poison but they can let me see beauty, like poison ivy!

That was me normalizing mental health struggles.

I did put up token Yule decorations and they make it cozy in the great room.

Being sickly and having to stay inside has had two benefits. First is that I got a lot of work done on my temperature blanket. It does get more interesting once it cools off outside and all the squares aren’t red and orange. I look forward to a different format next year. I’m finally weary of mitered squares.

Nice to see blue and green in the centers. Those are thirties and forties.

And Carlton has been cozying up with me, since it’s chilly. He also likes the blanket.

Next week things start to get more exciting and festive. Let’s see how I handle it!

Another Pretty State Park and an Update

(Written yesterday but only got enough bars to update today.)

After thinking good old Seneca wasn’t going to make it, Lee and I managed to leave town yesterday to have a quiet Thanksgiving and 16th anniversary trip to Cleburne State Park.

There was little traffic, so the trip up near Fort Worth wasn’t too bad. Our campsite is very secluded and right on the lake. Last night we just managed to get set up before we were zonked, so we put off the big meal until today.

Lee bought this nice pre-cooked smoked turkey that we ate cold I made stuffing, green beans with mushrooms, mashed potatoes, and gravy, all with the microwave. I choked down canned cranberry sauce. It was fine. And there was sweet potato pie for dessert. I’m glad we bought the glass storage dishes, since we needed them.

Before we ate, we got groceries at Kroger in Cleburne. When you live in Cameron, finding new flavors of Pop Tarts can make your day! I enjoyed the store, in other words.

Also we found where Goldie was getting all that money we find buried in homes she dug with her one good paw. (Kidding)

Then, after it warmed up a bit, I went on a nice walk around the park. There aren’t that many birds here, or I was out at the wrong time. But all the red oaks, sumacs, sycamores, and other trees are putting on a nice show of fall colors, as they go in Texas, anyway.

The hike I took went up and down some limestone hills, so I got a bit of a workout. This area is apparently the northernmost part of the Texas Hill Country. That explains the Ashe Junipers and the nearby quarry.

Later, after our meal, Lee and I went to the boat ramp area across the lake from our camping site. The light was great for moody lake and foliage shots with the new and phone cameras.

When we got back to our site, we got some sunset shots and watched blackbirds coming in to roost in the reeds. There was also one Hooded Merganser making its odd call. All that lake fun was good for me.

I needed this outing. I keep hoping that my mental state will improve. It doesn’t. By Wednesday I was barely functioning. It was like a constant panic attack with no way to turn it off. I was fumbling for words and emotionally fragile. I have tried very hard to not break down, because people around me don’t cope with it well. I also don’t like acting weird.

And the small amount of Prozac I’d been on was helping me feel normal and have reasonable emotional highs and lows. The last few weeks I have suffered, though. I feel like I’m watching a ticking time bomb and powerless to do anything about where its shrapnel will fall. I have my recurring Holocaust dreams. Oh, ick.

(Note: I am completely aware this is irrational, which is why I’m so disappointed in myself).

Wednesday I finally went to my doctor, who reassured me that if I took my other medication and a stronger dose of Prozac for a while, I won’t become addicted or a Zombie. So I’m doing that while on this news-free camping trip. Heh, it’s practically Internet feee!

Seneca has also had a hard time staying balanced. The site is not very level.

The reason I shared this is because I’ve talked to more than one friend who thought they were the only one coping poorly right now. Even friends with different viewpoints than mine say it’s a worrisome time. So if you think you’re over-reacting or being silly, you aren’t. What we are going through is a normal reaction to grief, fear of the unknown, and feeling powerless. Let yourself feel your feelings, it don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. You are probably sensitive or have empathic tendencies.

Stick with your community! I’m SO grateful for mine. And I hope I’m better soon!

King Arthur and Queen Goldie

What historical event fascinates you the most?

Two topics tonight! First, I have one of those physical reactions to places associated with Arthurian legends. One of the places I got the “vibes” from like on the Sacred Springs was Avebury, in England, especially Silbury Hill. I guess it’s not surprising, since it’s one of those places with “ley lines” (which you can believe or not).

I’ve read enough about King Arthur and those times to know that we have little idea what the people then were up to, if they were real. But it’s attached to my ancestry, so I find it interesting. Really, the ancient Celts seem like a bunch of angry people who liked to fight, and English history after 1066 didn’t make English folks seem more sympathetic, at least the ruling class. But I’m thinking whatever my ancestry is, there were a bunch of pagan misfits, like me today.

Anyway, the blog prompters asked, and this was my answer. It may not even be historical.

As for Queen Goldie, last night she triumphantly mounted the stairs and came up to sleep with me.

It’s hard to sleep wedged up against her with Carlton at my feet, but I appreciated the opportunity.

That was a surprise. Being a dog, she hadn’t thought about what goes up having to come down, so her descent was a bit scary. But she was all right. We ordered some stair tread carpet to keep her from slipping if she tries again.

Dr. Amy said she wanted to see Goldie again today after reading about her adventures. We got her in the car, and Lee took her to the mobile clinic. Goldie got more IV fluids and an antibiotic shot. She still has an infection going on, though Amy said she is obviously much improved.

One thing’s for sure, Goldie is eating again, which we take as a very good sign. I’m hoping she keeps up the improvement. She has a whole family team looking after her!

And Samhain blessings to all you folks who keep up the old traditions.

Independence Night

I’m glad we decided to watch the fireworks from Washington DC tonight. It made me feel like there may be a chance to remember what the USA can be, the good parts. There are many, and we need to remember that. Often.

Also I got to hear the 1812 Overture with big cannons.

Not too many fireworks are being set off here in rural nowhere. The dogs are glad for that.

Beltane Invocation

Beltane reminds me how I’m part of the whole. Sometimes you just need to stand in the woods and feel like you’re a part of it. Bugs, birds, buds, and me. It helps you gain perspective. So I wrote a little invocation with pictures.

Look at the world from a new perspective

Early Beltane Greetings

What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?

I’m not very big on holidays, but I enjoy observing the changing seasons. May 1 is Beltane in the tradition I follow. It’s the big fertility celebration where all the flowers are blooming and you dance around the maypole, a thing I’ve done many times.

This cheerful day flower welcomes the changing seasons.

I like a holiday that’s all for fun, isn’t commercialized, and provides a chance to be as wild as you want to be. I’ll probably pick a May basket full of flowers and make a nice bouquet tomorrow.

That will be after my doctor appointment, where I have to get tests done to be allowed to continue my thyroid medication, followed by the equine dentist, another yearly traditional event at the ranch. I hope I can worm the horses while they’re sedated. That should end the parade of horse health expenses for a while.

Today was a first for me in a couple of ways. First, Drew kicked me for daring to try to groom his right side. He really doesn’t want me grooming him, so I guess I’ve been a bad horse owner and traumatized him.

I feel pretty awful about that and confused about what to do. On the one hand I’m supposed to be firm and set boundaries and on the other I’m not supposed to react. I’ll keep trying. My thigh sure hurts. Interesting that he doesn’t mind me cleaning 3/4 of his hooves, and is happy to be haltered and walk with me.

Second, I gave a living being a shot of medicine. Yes, this was after getting kicked. Drew was fine about that. He gets a shot a month from now on for arthritis pain. I’m proud I remembered how to do it. Maybe Tarrin will think I still have some potential as a horse person.

Speaking of pain and meds, Apache is feeling lots better. I’m pleased that he’s walking and trotting well without the boots on. He volunteered to canter but I had him stop. It wasn’t going well and he was hopping. Still, good news that he tried. He seemed energetic.

Also good is that he is now taking his medication like a champ, thanks to the magical cookies Sara made for Aragorn. Aragorn didn’t like them, but Apache seems to look forward to them. I guess I’ll have to get the recipe!

No new Apache pictures, so enjoy this very large mushroom.

Kathleen says this is my week for challenges, after getting stuck in the mud yesterday and kicked today. I’m trying to adopt her attitude of laughing the challenges off and staying positive.

Aw, Shucks

Today was my birthday, and I expected to spend the day working, then doing horse stuff, including taking Drew to his re-education camp. I did all that, but when I came home well after dark I found birthday balloons on the mailbox, hanging geraniums in baskets on the front porch, and a nice meal being cooked. Then my son and his partner showed up, so we had a wonderful family dinner!

I even got birthday cards and a tres leches cake from the local bakery. It has to marinate, so we got to enjoy a sampler of baked goods for dessert after our tacos and homemade guacamole. It was so kind of my family to do this. You could have blown me over with a feather!

It was just one of those very full days. I enjoy days with challenges that take work to solve, but you can cope. Work was that way today, with laughter on top of it. Wow, it’s great to have a good job and supportive team!

I have no work photos, so here’s a willow branch covered in dew.

Horses were also challenging but do-able. Apache was a mess when I got him from the pasture so I had to wash him off. I think that helped. I was also able to get Drew haltered and ready to go to Tarrin’s safely.

Once at Tarrin’s he was back in his old pen, but he was jumpy at construction going on, new horses, and mares next to him. They also got excited and ran around their pen dozens of times. We kept wondering if they’d ever stop!

Aragorn and Apache managed to do their lessons, though. I got a lesson at putting on Apache’s new saddle pad, and we changed out his straps so he’s all green now. Snappy.

I am pleased with the progress my fine gelding and I are making. Tarrin purposefully got Apache annoyed so I could practice settling him down. Maybe this will help when he’s at Sara’s again. Still, he’s doing trot transition work very well and I’m proud of him (and me—lots of butt bouncing). Bonus: Tarrin gave me chocolate ale to take home! And nail strips!

Tarrin took this picture to show how straight he was standing, just as he was going to shake his head.

The last couple of days have given me much to be grateful for! Hoping it stays this nice!

Challenges – Where to Start?

What are your biggest challenges?

The WordPress folks have a new set of prompts for this month, so I’ll try to answer them, for fun. The first one was about challenges. Oh what fun. I don’t have all night to spend on this topic!

What’s not a challenge is making New Year’s dinner. My black-eyed peas, collard greens, and cornbread came out delicious, for the four of us who could make it. We made plates to take to Lee’s brother and Anita, who came down with the flu, and have plenty of leftovers. Success!

So, my main challenge these days is a lack of self confidence, I think. I always think I can’t do new things, so I put them off or avoid things. Learning horsemanship has helped me a lot with this. I’m making myself try new things and I’m often succeeding or making a good try. I think this new bravery is manifesting in other areas, which is really great.

One I’m not doing as well with these days is expressing myself without offending people I care about or causing problems. So I’ve been much quieter for the past year or so than I used to be. These days it’s probably safer to keep some kinds of opinions to yourself but I do want to advocate for myself at work and in other personal areas.

I’m also tired of being vertically challenged. I wish I could reach things without stools and mount a horse from the ground. There, a less serious one.

A final challenge is figuring out when or if I can retire from full time work. There are too many factors for me to figure out right now. More on that in the coming months.

That’s enough of that list.

It was cold and windy, so there weren’t many birds. However, there was a brief moment of sun that encouraged the white-throated sparrows to launch into a concert. Their song is hauntingly beautiful. It has three or four slight variations, like a fugue. What a greeting for 2024!