Health – Page 9 – The Hermits' Rest

No Fun Being Sickly

Nope. It ain’t fun. But at least I diagnosed myself correctly!

So, my thyroid numbers were low and my metabolism was, shall we say, sloth-like. I had a low heart rate, was tired a lot, etc. So the Physicians Assistant I go to started me on medication, the standard dosage. Starting about five weeks ago, I took it correctly every morning before eating, and was proud of myself.

About two weeks ago, I started having a sore throat. I chalked it up to allergens or something. When the time came to renew the prescription, I wrote the PA and mentioned the sore throat, in case it might be my thyroid. He said it was probably just what was going around.

What I knew was that I’d experienced an inflammation in my thyroid before. I was trying to prove to my kids’ dad that I could be all thin and athletic. I rode my fancy bike every day and impressed myself with my weight loss. I looked hot, for me. But I had a sore throat. Sure enough it wasn’t just the exercise making me lose weight. It was my thyroid going into overdrive. Dang.

I got all fixed up from that and was ok and thin (but not athletic enough to keep the spouse). Then I started experiencing horrible and weird pains (while the spouse was off cycling in the Italian Alps and meeting his buff future wife). It turned out the sudden weight loss had broken my gall bladder. It was not my best year. At least the spouse waited to move out until I recuperated from removing it. I appreciate that!

The point behind this trip up and down the Alps of memory lane is that I know what an inflamed thyroid feels like. That’s now established, as well as my lack of bile regulation.

Last night I had trouble sleeping, so I decided my throat pain was probably not some virus. I peered into it with my phone flashlight and didn’t see signs of strep. So I went back to the local clinic.

Thankfully, the other practitioner listened to me. She also felt my throat. That hurt. But yes! I DO have thyroiditis. The plan is to reduce the dose of the thyroid hormone so I won’t be a sloth but I won’t be zipping around either.

I’ll go back next week to reevaluate my precious glands. If it isn’t better, I get an ultrasound.

Hurry up, Mabel. She wants to exercise me.

Send me good vibes! I do not enjoy being sick. It’s been really hard trying to get the horses exercise, between the heat and the pain. They are sweet and patient as we do maneuvers at a walk on the hard, cracked dirt. But we aren’t exactly having fun.

I’m not having fun and you aren’t even riding me.

I do feel vindicated. I was not being a hysterical woman. I really am a bit out of whack (physically). We know I’m a pretty whacky person mentally!

You Don’t Have to Be in Texas to Overheat

Since I’ve been enjoying the solo part of my stay in Myrtle Beach, I’ve been doing my best to stay in shape, no matter how tempting lolling around in my room knitting and watching movies might be.

But if I stayed inside I’d miss all the flowers.

Since Lee left, I’ve been heading to the hotel gym and walking as fast as I can while the treadmill goes up and down. I hate when it goes to 9. But I zip along and burn those calories and log those miles. I’m not letting anyone see me to sit-ups, so I save that for in my room. This should at least keep my aerobic and core stuff in okay shape for trying to get back on the horses. I’ll miss a couple of horse events, but I don’t want to push them, either.

Anyway, today I decided to walk outside. After all, it was “only” 90 degrees outside and there was a breeze. So, I went all the way down the boardwalk, at least as far as I’ve ever been. About when I hit the one-mile mark, I realized I was sweating a lot (I’m still not used to the fact that I sweat now, but it’s better than the alternative). By the time I turned around, I was wishing I hadn’t walked so far or that I’d brought money for a beverage.

But, I had no option but to keep going, after a little rest in the shade. I did enjoy some of the improvements they’ve made to the boardwalk and the landscaping. It’s looking a LOT nicer now. They’ve even installed “photo ops” in the little places where there used to be homeless folks hanging out. I’m hoping they found housing or alternate places for those people to hang out.

It’s a lot less crowded this weekend, too, since school is starting or had already started in much of the areas around here. So, other than feeling overheated, I enjoyed the walk very much.

I did make it back to the Ocean Enclave and quickly downed two glasses of water. The pool bar was very pleasant, since it was shady and the breeze was just great. Well, it was pleasant for people sitting there. Sarah was really hot trying to serve a never-ending stream of people wanting their fruity drinks.You can make good money in the summer doing bartending, but it isn’t easy being perky while never stopping.

I enjoyed my reward beverage, which was lime juice, lemon guide, ice and lime vodka. Let me tell you, that was refreshing! By the time I’d seen enough preseason football, I was feeling fine, other t han being covered by sand that had stuck to my sweaty legs.

I had to fight through this to get to the elevator. Ugh. Lots of arrivals.

The moral to this boring story is that you need to stay hydrated if you are going for walks in the sun and it’s hot, even when it’s just normal heat.

I was happy to find sweet everlasting in the wildflower area.

Back to reading, knitting, and eating cheese. I love eating whatever the heck I want, which seems to end up being cheese.

Mental Illness Runs in Families

Time for more of that honesty that people either like or have become tired of lately.

Sometimes life feels like an unpleasant amusement park ride. I hate Ferris wheels.

I’ve been dealing with some painful consequences of mental illness for the past few weeks, both my own and the issues of others. I wouldn’t wish some of the struggles I’ve seen on anyone. It’s particularly hard, because it seems to come from innate struggles (along with “nurture” problems, many of which stem from being raised by people whose mental illnesses caused them to inflict pain on those around them). And I got so down that I managed to forget what caused it until a friend reminded me there’s a name for what I deal with.

Somewhere among my mother’s maternal ancestors, some powerful genes that make life hard for those who inherited them got wedged firmly in the family line. I don’t know how far back it goes, or which part of my grandmother’s family passed the issues on to her and her siblings, but wow, it left a strong legacy.

Moonrise in the night. Like a light in a dark time.

I’m going to say this: I love my children, but I’m sorry that I passed on the tendency to have severe depression, bipolar, learning disabilities, and narcissism on to them. I am truly grateful that they are not extending this line forward, even though the good parts (intelligence, artistic gifts, and the ability to write well) won’t move forward to future generations, either. That’s difficult to say but seeing how my family inflict pain on each other and how deeply it affects the two of us plagued by RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) I just don’t want it to continue.

I don’t blame any member of my mother’s family for behaving how they do and making the choices they make. A combination of inherited instability and “abuse” (for lack of a better word) can make people do weird things to try to bring peace into their lives. My sister has cut off the rest of her biological family from her life. I do understand how, from her perspective, it’s what she needs to do, but I can still wish she’d gotten the help she needed and enabled the family who love her, warts and all, to be a part of her life.

The view from my Rapunzel Tower at sunset

On the other hand, those of us who have had to try to find ways to deal with how members of my mom’s family treated us are probably better off ending that pattern. My insane drive to not be rejected or abandoned has led me to try way too hard to please people who can’t be pleased, and that’s not helpful to any of us. Anyway, the struggle is real, and I’m back on track to managing my own issues better again, and I wish everyone else well as they deal with their issues.

I’d actually gotten pretty darn good at not blaming myself for every single thing people close to me say, do, or seem to do in my messed-up brain. I just slipped, and as I was trying to express this morning when talking to a therapist friend, you can intellectually know there will be setbacks in mental health recovery, but your limbic system still gets all out of whack. Repeat after me: other people’s actions are their responsibility.

Dealing with all this while holed up in a tiny room like a short-haired Rapunzel in her tower is not ideal. But I can always find ways to cope. At least I can watch Amazon Prime without worrying Lee about using up all our bandwidth. So, I watched three nice movies yesterday and that helped a lot! I watched Air, 80 for Brady, and Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris. All movies with strong women who made me smile.

Plus, there’s always random people you meet, along with the sunrises, sunsets, birds, and bats. This Rapunzel really isn’t trapped in her tower at all.

Do We Ever Grow Up?

I’m beginning to think the answer to this question is a decisive “no.” I’m darned disappointed in myself these days, because I find myself falling into old patterns, forgetting lessons I thought I’d learned, and pretty much pissing off people I’d prefer to not piss off. And I sit here trying to work but with chest pains and a giant eye tic. Old patterns bring old results.

Like a moth, I need to stop flying into flames that aren’t the right kind.

And then, of course, rather than being gentle with myself and remembering that we always have ups and downs, I’m angry and disappointed with myself for being so needy and such an annoyance. Then I go on to remind myself that, for goodness’ sake, my little emotional turmoil and angst is not important in the grand scheme of things, and certainly not the responsibility of anyone other than me to deal with.

There are plenty of areas I can enjoy and not bother anyone. Like fish crows.

So, this blog is my attempt to remind myself that my issues are mine to deal with, and that asking for support or reassurance is not always a good idea. There’s a time and place for everything, including getting help with things I’m worried about. I’m really sorry that I’ve been a pain in the butt to people I consider in my inner circle.

I need to grow up!

Today I’m making a strong effort to remember my boundaries and respect the boundaries of others, to keep my inner circle small and trustworthy, and to stop thinking I’m a part of things that are truly outside of my realm. That last one keeps biting me on the butt, like when I thought because I was part of the ownership team of a company, I was entitled to know more about what was going on than I actually am. Today I thought I needed to take care of details about the vacation rental I own but realized that’s not for me to worry about. I just stick my nose into everything when I’m not careful! Time to be more careful and stop being annoying. And for sure, no one needs me to provide updates about anything.

Why am I whining when I have this nice place to hang out? I can be a doofus sometimes!

I’ve enjoyed lecturing myself today. I think it helps to write it down, and by sharing it on the blog, I think I’ll be more likely to hold myself accountable and do keep doing the things I need to go to get back to loving myself, staying out of things I have no business getting into, and most important, remembering I’m not the only one with issues so it behooves me to treat others the way I’d like to be treated.

In other words, it’s time to grow up. Again.

(I’m fine, don’t need advice or professional help (I have it), and just hope people who care will help keep me accountable.)

Obsessed with Roses?

I was looking around my bathroom after a shower and started laughing at myself. I realized I’ve amassed quite a collection of matching “beauty products” over the past few years. Yes, I love things that smell like a (real) rose.

I can’t grow roses for the life of me. This ranch is just not cut out for it, and believe me, I’ve tried. But I have loved the smell since I was much younger. I remember paying a lot of money (for an impoverished grad student) for attar of rose oil from my local purveyor (who, believe it or not, is still out there purveying). Pansies remain my favorite flower to look at, but roses are right there at number 2. How do I know? As I was blogging away, I lifted my head and saw this:

Yes, my view is two pieces of pansy art and one piece of rose art.

Back to my bathroom, I recently discovered my absolute favorite rose product. It’s an oil sold by Doterra, that I’ve been using on my face at night.

This Moringa Rose Nourishing Oil has kept my face calm and cool while I am outside so much and sweating a lot. Normally I turn quite red, but this (along with my morning stuff) has really made a difference. And OMG what a great smell to go to sleep with! I have no idea what moringa oil is, but it feels good.

The oil came with a “hydrosol” spray mist that I put on my hair, or all over me after swimming. It’s nice and light. I’d run out of my previous rose mist spray, so I am glad this came along.

(Secretly, if I advertised it, I could sell Doterra products, so you could get some of this stuff for yourself. I’m not a high-pressure sales gal, so this offer won’t be repeated any time soon.) By the way, the rose duo re-stocks July 1, I just discovered when I went to order a second set, so I won’t ever run out.

I need roses in the morning, too, but I found something that doesn’t cost mega-bucks that cleans me up and prepares my old and wrinkly face for my moisturizing stuff. I like this Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water in Rose (of course), because I can put it on a cloth or cotton pad and wipe it on. I make a huge mess trying to splash water all over my head, which is why I switched from Rodan + Fields cleanser when it stopped being a cream I could wipe on.

If I want to smell really rosy and won’t be around Lee any time soon, I have a selection of rose perfumes and colognes. The one I use all the time now is one I got in Colorado whenever I was last there. First, it comes in a beautiful bottle, and second, it’s quite realistic. Some rose perfumes smell fake. Rose perfumes can also be heavy, so I’m glad this one has hibiscus to perk it up. Get yourself some here. I get nothing from this link, other than happiness.

I am not done, nope, not by a long shot. I have to shower, don’t I? That means I need shampoo, moisturizer, and bath gel. Of course, I found the right stuff.

I do have rose deodorant, too. Sadly, it doesn’t smell particularly rosy to me. I think it smells more like a coconut. I like coconuts, though, so I’ll use it up and see if I can find something I like better next time.

I have no more photos, but I happen to know there is a bath gel and cleanser in the RV from the Body Shop. I need to smell good when traveling. Now, that’s not true. I get pretty grimy after all those hikes and explorations. But, I try.

I hope you liked this little change of pace and glimpse into my beauty product lair.

Not Blowing Away

Uncharacteristically, I missed two days of blogging. I was not in the mood to write nice, thoughtful words. Being sensitive is hard.

Plus, there was my pain stuff. The back pain is manageable with stretching and not bending over too quickly. But it was eclipsed by the pain from getting my darn root canal procedure finished and getting fitted with a temporary crown. Even with the combination of acetaminophen and ibuprofen, I had searing pain if my top and bottom teeth met. I was a grumpy gal last night, so you didn’t need to hear from me.

Let’s enjoy a flying Great Egret, instead.

Then there was the weather. We’ve had a tiny amount of rain (the storms have missed us two days in a row) but yesterday an incredible blast of wind came out of the east (not the expected direction) and blew things all over the place. Patio furniture flew, a window blew open, and the trees looked like they were going to snap. I’m pretty sure it was hurricane strength. At least we didn’t lose power. It was scary for a while. Straight-line winds are something else!

When I went out to assess the damage this morning, it wasn’t too bad. In fact, it was so pleasant out that I spent some time just watching a friendly rabbit chewing grass. I love how the sun shines through their ears.

Later I went to get the mail and I saw black vultures on my horse area. I got all worried that Vlassic was dead.

But it wasn’t him. It was an amazing roadrunner! What the heck? It looked like the wind had picked it up and slammed it into one of the barrels I use for horse obstacles. Trying to get something positive out of the experience, I looked closely at its beautiful feathers and strong legs, which I certainly can’t do when they are alive. Dang wind.

It’s not all bad, of course. I got praised for doing well at work, which rarely happens to contractors. That, along with reduced tooth pain, made getting through the work day today much better than yesterday.

And chickens. They made it fine over the windy period.

The best part of the day was that Bonnie, the equine dentist, was here for the horses’ annual checkups. It’s just fascinating to watch how she does it. I was encouraged to find out they’d all stayed in pretty good shape and mostly just needed routine maintenance.

I love how she climbs the fence and throws her rope over it to set up her dental station

Dusty is older and started out with some weird teeth, so he just got the “keep him comfortable” treatment, because he doesn’t have enough teeth to truly “fix.” He was very good, though.

Apache did great, too. I’m always so proud of him. He really enjoyed sleeping off the tranquilizers. He even snored.

Drew has started growing in his canine teeth. I wonder if that’s what made him so grouchy for a few weeks? Bonnie said he’s definitely just about to turn five years old, which makes me very happy I chose July 2 as his birthday! He enjoyed the whole experience, including tasting all the equipment and snoozing with Apache afterwards.

Mabel went last. She handled this better than she did the farrier visit. Bonnie kept telling me how much better she looks now. That made me feel glad for all the work we’ve done on her. Mabel’s demeanor change also impressed Bonnie. It was cool to have someone who hadn’t seen her in a year evaluate Mabel. She needed the most dental help, so I hope it will help her keep weight on.

So there, none of us have blown away, and things are all right.

Oh, My Aching Back

I’m feeling pretty handicapped today. I’m no someone with a bad back, by any means, but like many of us, I’ve occasionally tweaked it. That happened today.

But it’s worth it to see these beauties in my pasture.

I woke up just fine. I had a couple work meetings then went out to feed the chickens and say hi to the snakes. I’ve got to look up whether rat snakes often hang out together so much. They were just patrolling I guess.

I looked over and saw Fiona standing there, looking at me. I thought she needed some loving and since it wasn’t hot yet, now was the time to groom her remaining long hairs off her back. So, I got a curry comb and brush.

She was so happy. I enjoyed the bonding time, but I noticed a little zing as I reached down to get to her belly. Boom. That did my back in! At least Fiona looked good.

I didn’t bring my camera when I groomed her, but here she is waiting her turn to have her hooves trimmed.

I got pretty incapacitated as the day went on. It was pretty uncomfortable sitting at my desk! I realized I would need help with the upcoming farrier visit. Luckily, Sara was home and said she’d come help me.

I went out to help her round up the horses and put them in their pens. I was just sure I couldn’t do it in my stiff and hobbling state. Was I wrong! First, Apache (the hard to catch one) and Fiona were already in a pen. I shut the gate. Dusty had headed over to me already, so he went in when I asked. That was easy!

Mabel was way out in the pasture, but when she saw me, she ambled on over and walked into a pen with no effort on my part. That left Drew. He was standing and relaxing in the little paddock next to the pens, which I’d recently opened up. I walked over and said hi, and he gently laid his head on my shoulder, as he loves to do. I then asked him to come with me. He followed right along, with his nose next to my hand, like a well-trained fancy horse.

Who were these horses and where did my horses go? I didn’t need Sara at all to gather the horses at all! But I did need her to pick up the horses’ food bowls for me. I could NOT bend over. I’m so grateful for good neighbors.

The farrier visit went pretty well. Fiona was a very good girl being trimmed. She needed it badly, and Terry the farrier showed me how he trimmed her feet to look like donkey feet, not horse feet, so I learned something.

If I was smart, I’d have taken an after picture. But we had to go get Mabel trimmed. Her front left hoof looked pretty bad, and I think it hurt. She told us in no uncertain terms she was unhappy. We were nimble and avoided her rearing and kicking. Great for my back! Terry is so patient, though, and was able to get her feet done and even smooth out the hurt hoof. She ended up much happier, I think.

I did put heat on my back, which felt odd in 100° heat, but it enabled me to feed the horses when I got back in the house, I took a muscle relaxer, and I now feel better as long as I don’t move. I’ll take another tonight. I sure hope I feel better tomorrow, since I have a horse lesson, unless it’s too hot, which it may be. Ugh.

I wish you the love that Penney has for Lee.

The Good, the Bad, and the Panic Attacks

Sometimes my days seem schizophrenic. There are so many highs and lows that it makes my head spin. More accurately, I end up with a full-blown anxiety attack, complete with shaking limbs (that make me trip over a dog then drop and break a pretty bowl) and chest pains. Nota bene: I know it’s not my heart, no need to tell me to go to the ER.

See, I’m also prickly and can get annoyed for no good reason, like imaginary unsolicited advice. Let’s back up.

I went to work at the Red House, since I had a training to do and didn’t want to drop the meeting suddenly. That was fine, though I left my mouse at home. Does anyone actually LIKE trackpads? I’m all ready for the training. Suddenly I hear chainsaws.

There’s my kid and his coworker. They inform me they’re going to cut down the dead and dying trees in the yard. These are HUGE trees. I was dubious. But they did get a lot done, plus got limbs away from the roof.

All was well, though, since no one could hear the cutting and thudding but me. I made the mistake of looking outside and seeing the two young men on top of the house. I was scared for them and got sorta nervous. It looked pretty dangerous. I mean, they aren’t arborists, just guys willing to do what they’re asked to do. They also admitted to being scared. That’s a healthy admission, I think. As far as I know, they survived. They have good sense!

I also unpacked a box of glassware from the Austin house. I do dislike doing that, but it was nice to see my Starbucks mugs and favorite green glasses. Lucky renters will get to use them.

Things continued to go downhill as I raced home to get ready for my horse lessons. It was extra hot and humid, which didn’t help. The horses were hiding, because they don’t like welding, which was going on in their pens. (Too bad, I’m very happy the pens are getting worked on and think they look great.)

I was too busy to take pictures, so enjoy dogs playing with cattle.

I sorta got Drew cleaned up, then trudged back for Apache, who was sweaty as me. I was deeply involved in trying to de-sweat and de-mud him when our welding friend called out to me. I nearly jumped out of my skin, which is weird, because I knew he was there! It turns out Mabel had braved the welding area and walked out. I had exactly zero minutes for chasing after her, so I probably looked like a nasty old woman running around cursing.

Mabel responded to food, of course, but Apache never did get groomed. All this prelude leads to this: I had a great lesson on each horse, learned a few things, and really felt calm and together, like I’m getting a clue. Well, when Drew started to toss me around because mares were running up, I yelled at Tarrin that I was going to die. But I didn’t. She got me and Drew back on track. He actually settled down after being frisky because the weather changed.

Im so grateful for Tarrin’s help, and I think the horses are, too. Apache hates to leave her training area! And we get to laugh at cantering cows and thank the weather for cooling down the moment my lesson started. It’s good stuff, the horse training.

By the time we got home, Drew had managed to kick everything around in the trailer and break his trailer tie. That allowed him to mostly exit ungracefully without me unlatching him. That got me all worried he was hurt. That guy! But he’s no longer the ranch baby, because Sully had her baby today, a little filly! I can’t wait to see her.

Sara shared this cuteness. Sully gave birth at her owner’s place.

By the time I finally got the horses fed, I was starving, which probably led to some of the shaking. I just feel like I was not my best self much of the day, but at work and with the horses I was great. Eh, that’s probably normal.

Now to settle that chest pain down. I’ll pet Carlton. That will help.

Nervous?

What makes you nervous?

Today’s blog prompt would have been answered much differently when I was younger. I was BORN nervous. It’s how I’m wired, and feeling abandoned (in my mind) so often didn’t help me stay calm.

Today, though, I’ve gotten to a place where I’m not nervous all the time. Things don’t get to me like they used to. In fact, I don’t even “take things personally” and let them get to me like they once did. It ain’t easy, though.

Take the long view, like this old tree does.

I surround myself with what makes me feel calm, but I can’t ignore the world. And the way people treat each other makes me nervous. People shooting each other for walking into the wrong yard or ringing a doorbell…that makes me nervous.

So many governments passing laws that take away the rights of people who aren’t men in the ruling class. That makes me nervous.

The health care system in the US makes me nervous. Wow have I been hearing some horror stories of people’s needs being completely ignored. If I think I may be ill, I get nervous.

These guys keep me focused on good things.

But hey, I don’t dwell on that all the time. There is so much good in the world, so many good people, and so much hope. I don’t want to forget that. You don’t, either, okay?

One or More Seasonal Miracles

What an interesting day it’s been! Interesting animal health news abounded, and animals impressed me, too. I’m just going to start with the actual seasonal miracle. Well, you may recall me saying we’d lost our hen, Betty, the Americauna who laid light brown eggs. I said that because when I checked on her between rain storms, she was lifelessly laying in a puddle.

I was reminded that life is as ephemeral as a dandelion puff.

I didn’t put her in a plastic bag to be disposed of, because of the rain. Next time I checked, I realized she was still alive, though she hadn’t moved. Yesterday, when I did my evening check, she’d moved. What?

Birds are mysterious. Ask any swallow. They are weird, like me. So swoopy.

This morning when I went in, she’d moved again, and I saw her move around. I mentioned to someone that I could swear she was actually better. But how? She was really looking bad for a few days, and was soaked. Nonetheless, when I got home from horse training today, after being given up for dead for three days, there was Betty.

So, her name is Not Dead Betty from now on. Who knows what was wrong? Did she have a virus? An impacted egg? A cold? I just cannot believe this miracle of rebirth. How seasonal!

Take a break to enjoy a bee so engorged with pollen that it was acting inebriated. I tapped the flower and it finally drug itself out of the pollen paradise.

So, What Else?

Well, there’s good news and bad news in the horse department.

Good: I was able to get Drew groomed today, with just a few clods of dirt left in his mane. He’s all soft and smooth now.
Bad: Apache seemed ok in grooming, but when we got to Tarrin’s, his back was all bloody. Drew was biting him in the trailer. No wonder the trailer was rocking all the way there (which took extra long, of course, thanks to having to get gas, hitting every traffic light, AND being blocked by a train again.)
Bad: Apache seems to be all inflamed for some reason. His lymph nodes are all puffy. Tarrin thinks it’s allergies from all the new rich grass and pollen. He gets to stay in the pens during the day for a while to work on it, and he will need lots of exercise (that’s good).
Good: Drew was amazingly better at this week’s lesson, even with no riding in the past week. It was like watching a different horse, and riding him was actually fun! That was a miracle to me. Both Tarrin and I needed positive horse experiences today, so hooray.

His back did NOT look like that when he got into the trailer

I was relieved that Drew was doing so well today and paying attention to me so well. I am equally concerned that Apache is having his issues flaring up. I hope we have caught the inflammation in time to get him back on track. When one of your animals is sick, it’s like your child is ill. I’ll just hug on him and dote on him and let him eat hay all day.

We just all need to sit outside and breathe a while.

There were all sorts of other things going on here, none of which are my stories to tell, but I’m glad we all have each other to support one another around here. If you have any to spare, send vibes out to my family, okay?