family – Page 5 – The Hermits' Rest

Old, Parents, Worries

What were your parents doing at your age?

I’m still feeling old and irrelevant, just like my cousin J. And I’m incredibly sad to be watching my sweet Great Dane, Goldie, swiftly declining. Cancer is just awful. It makes me hesitant to have another giant dog.

And cancer is why I can’t tell you what my mother was doing at my age (pushing 67). She’d been dead four years, thanks to her nicotine addiction. I wish she’d had a less addictive personality. I know she loved us.

I was born, born in the 50s. I already look concerned.

When Dad was 66 I think he was at his happiest. If my memory is correct, he’d met my stepmother and was having fun hanging with friends, traveling, and working in his beloved flower gardens. What a contrast. Dad was great taking care of Mom. He deserved a time to have fun. (He married Flo, a woman just like quirky Mom only without addictions, so he had challenges later!) I loved my dad so much. What a great, flawed, very human human being he was.

Things sure are different for me. My parents grew more prosperous and felt safer as they aged. Boomers like me had no idea what they’d be in for as they grew older. This is not the future I’d envisioned.

Thanks to everyone who’s been reaching out. Knowing I have kind people in my life is a source of comfort.

Cute Birds and Bittersweet Memories

It was the best day in a long time for bird watching. Between my observations and the Merlin Bird ID, 51 species were found on our property. That’s pretty exciting for me. But more exciting was how entertained I was by all that I saw. Yes, I’m easily entertained. You knew that.

I swear this little White-crowned Sparrow looks like an egg with a tiny head on it.

I saw a beautiful Harrier swooping over the fields late this afternoon when working with Apache the Wonder Steed. We both watched.

Then right at sunset, while I was watching and listening to the sparrows (Harris’s, White-throated, Chipping, Song, and White-crowned) as they rustled through the leaves looking for bird stuff, something flew by. It was the Great Horned Owl heading to a tree. Thirty seconds later, it hit the ground. I guess it got a mouse. Spectacular.

I didn’t like that. What if the owl was after us cute songbirds? Circle of Life, yeah yeah.

That really helped me get through a hard day. It’s now six years since I heard from my son. He was a great kid. I hope he’s enjoying life. I think he is, and that’s good. I just miss this little charmer.

33 years and 8 months ago, 4 generations.

As the two older generations in that photo are no longer here to talk to, I’m the older generation now. My cousin Jan and I have been talking about that, since her dad, a good friend of my dad’s, passed a way a couple of days ago. We’re the elders. That feels so strange.

Three generations, me, Mom, and Aunt Belle, my grandmother’s twin. I was a senior in high school.

I hope I can stay in contact with the generation after me. Maybe someday my son, but if not, it’s his decision and I respect it. And I’m fine. I just allow myself one day a year to mourn the loss that I really don’t understand. Grief is always lurking.

My parents and me in 1958. I knew they loved me, even if none of us were perfect. Dad was 27. Mom was 36.

Once again, I ask you to stick close to your loved ones, your friends who support you, and your community. We need each other.

So Far, So Good

I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I love cooking traditional Southern US food at New Year’s. Today I cooked black-eyed peas, rice, collard/mustard greens, cornbread, and a pork loin (because Lee needs his meat).

Not this year’s meal. I forgot to take pictures.

I had my oldest friends and my family over for the meal, and it was just wonderful. I’ve missed our meals since I’ve been so depressed. We have vowed to do better from now on.

Maybe I’ll invite a few newer friends, too. It’s just so overwhelming with all the dogs and the mess around the house from our unpacking and such. Perhaps a potluck?

It was a good day of starting new things, like a new journal, a new temperature blanket (photos tomorrow), and new energy. I’m not sure where it came from. Maybe it’s Connie the turkey, or Apache’s new zippy mode.

I hope you had some good experiences today. Every good day is a treasure.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime

That’s humor directed at my son, who doesn’t read his mother’s Boomer ramblings, so he won’t laugh. Apparently, Sir Paul’s ode to the season is poked fun of by people in his age group. Good. We can all use a laugh that won’t harm the target of the humor.

Our sweet dog sitter sent us messages from the dogs this morning!

I can see why I don’t blog as much lately. I’m weirder than usual. The good news is that weird or just a bit kooky, I enjoyed spending time with my son and his partner for the last two days. They are funny, smart, and interesting people to hang out with.

No photos of them, so here’s the fiery sunset from yesterday.

Yesterday I went on a very long (for me) hike that got delayed by all my bird watching. It was beautiful to walk in woods between two canyons, then climb to the top of a hill to find a geological area I’d never seen before, karst, but with desert plants.

One plant there was a large group of, but I’m not sure what it is. I’m not sure if it was covered with fruit or galls. I tentatively have it down as sandpaper oak, which grows in the Chihuahuan Desert, of which I was at the northernmost edge.

Another plant looked like a fern, but was growing out of dry limestone. When I got home, I found out it’s Hybrid Cloakfern (Astrolepis integerrima), a fascinating and rare plant that has all the genetic material of two plants of which it is a hybrid. It only grows on rocky hillsides and rock clefts, which is where I found it.

The second half of my hike was spent power walking back to the car, because I’d somehow messed up my son’s reservation for the campsite across from us (no parking spaces were close). By the time we got to the park office we found out I hadn’t messed up; the system only lets you book same-day camping in person. I felt less foolish then.

I took our guests to the bird blinds, then we built a Yule fire and enjoyed the perfect weather. That was so pleasant.

This morning we went back to the bird blinds, which were restocked with food. It pleased me to share my hobby with them.

We then went on the Overlook Trail, which has steep parts. I hadn’t wanted to tackle that alone, in case I slipped. There were desert plants on this trail, once we got above a certain height, but here it was mostly sotol. The vistas of their stems with red oaks and junipers below were striking. At the highest point we reached we could see our RV way below us.

After a break, we trooped back out and wandered towards the river. We took a different path than I’d taken before, and were rewarded by many pecans, river views, and an osprey in a tree.

By that time we were hungry, so I made ham with mashed potatoes and mixed veggies. It was adequate for what I can prepare in the RV. It felt festive eating outside with my flowers on the table and “real” dishes and flatware.

Just being with my little immediate family for Christmas in nature made for a fantastic holiday. I hope you got some pleasure out of whatever you celebrated today or will celebrate this week!

My Dad Was a Good Guy

Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

It may be unsurprising for people to choose their father in responding to this prompt. Many people are positively influenced by their fathers, after all, and I’m privileged to be one of them.

Now, I talk about my dad, Edwin Prince Kendall, often in the blog, both in positive and negative ways. As we were reflecting on our parents and how we would never give up on them, even when things get tough, my young friend Ellie and I agreed that our parents sacrificed a lot to help us have a good life.

If I had parents longer, I’d love to have helped them in return. But Dad only needed computer help and a listening ear, which I gladly lent him.

I want to focus on one positive influence dad had on me (no, not my morals, ethics, and political leanings, though he sure contributed to them). What I remember is how he got through emotionally painful times. I’m trying to use his example to help myself.

My mother died 40 years ago this week at age 62. She was sick for many years prior to that, as she dealt with various conditions exacerbated by her extreme depression and anxiety. Then repeated bouts of lung cancer required many hospitalizations and treatments. During this time, Dad was the sole provider for the family, and managed to contribute to my college expenses on top of all that (I worked and had a Merit Scholarship to help).

Mom, Maury, and our “sister,” Pumpkin in the late 1970s.

I know how stressful it was for him to watch Mom fade, especially as she could never stop smoking. Dad also traveled for work usually more than half the week, so my brother stayed at home during college so he could help with mom. That was a big sacrifice, but what people do for those they love. I truly appreciate it.

Dad always had his sense of humor, though, and strove to keep life “normal” as long as he could. I learned from this. Even in hard times, you can enjoy what’s still good.

Oddly, though, I think how he handled the stress was the best example. He’d get frustrated at Mom or me or my brother, for sure. And he had more than a few drinks. But mostly, he’d go outside and garden or build something. He used physical activity to help with stress, creating beauty everywhere. That’s a great example to follow.

Dad liked flowers as much as I do. Plus he had a green thumb.

I remember the last thing he built in our last house with Mom was a gazebo by our pool. I think she only got to sit in it a few times, but she watched him build it right outside her bedroom window and knew he loved her. Dad’s love didn’t waver when things got tough. That’s how I want to be.

My playhouse and treehouse he built when we were young.

Yep. Dad was a good guy and a good example in so many ways.

Fun Up North

That’s north of Dallas, Texas. My pseudo-granddaughter had her third birthday party today, which provided an excellent excuse to visit her actual grandmother, my friend Pouri.

I drove up yesterday afternoon (still no fun driving through Dallas) and made it in time for a fabulous Persian meal. She overdid it as usual. I’m not complaining, of course. So many herbs, so much flavor. Saffron rice, salad with figs, nuts, and pomegranate…beef kebab and chicken with tasty potatoes. Wow. And there were persimmons for dessert.

Mostly this was a great chance to catch up and talk in a relaxed way. What a wonderful thing to do. That makes two nice talks with old friends in one week! This is the perfect thing to do in uncertain times, be with people you care about.

After a nice sleep in the cute guest room, Pouri gave me a “light” breakfast of many kinds of toast and exquisite preserves, like quince and sour cherries. Pouri is really a great hostess. I tried to take mental notes, but…

She put cute birds in the bathroom for me.

After breakfast, I took a walk around the neighborhood and heard 22 birds. There was a Great Horned Owl and a Cooper’s Hawk, and many overconfident crows.

Apparently this suburb is crawling with wildlife, including multiple bobcats. I saw enough squirrels to scare Anita for life, plus some rabbits, but no bobcats. I’m as intrigued with suburbs as I was last year.

The party was this afternoon at Ellie’s new house. It made me so happy to see how well she and Jimmy have done in their careers and with their daughter. I mean, Ellie just went with it when a vampire theme was requested for the party. All the dripping blood mixed well with the Christmas decor. So cute.

All the children were cute and I got to chat with the extended family some, too. Ellie and I plan to talk next week, when she’s relaxed.

Face painting went over very well. The painter was quite skilled. Pouri and I got flowers. Why not?

I drove back home this evening. So I’m pretty darned tired, especially since I hit a lot of rain. But I’m glad I went. I can’t wait for more catch-up sessions. I’ve been hiding too long.

I didn’t miss the dogs, because Banjo was there. Such a well behaved dog.

An Ancestral Home

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

There are a few places I would call “favorite” of the relatively small number of locations I’ve visited. I wrote about one, the springs at the head of the San Marcos River, in October. Like my other favorite spots, this resonated with me, like I was meant to be there, or attached in some way I don’t understand.

Often such places contain oak trees or springs/wells

Today I’ll tell you about another place where I felt an overwhelming sense of connection. I’ve only been there once, when my sons were very young. We had spent some time in England while the kids’ dad worked, then we visited members of his family and other friends. The time had come, however, to go to Ireland to see the boys’ grandparents and other kin.

We had a rental car, so we intended to take the ferry to Dublin, which was extra conveniently located near the grandparents’ home on Dublin Bay in Clontarf. I doubt you give a fig about these details, but in case my mind is going, I’m writing them down.

This isn’t exactly where they lived, but this was the view of the harbor.

To get to the ferry we had to drive through Wales, one of the most ruggedly beautiful places I’ve ever been (outside of quarries, mines, and such). After oohing and aahing at little trains and slate roofs, we crossed over into Anglesey Island, to catch the big car ferry out of Holyhead.

Here is where you get proof that my previous husband is a good guy. We didn’t go on the zippy motorway. No, we went all around this amazing bit of land that’s just crawling with my favorites: standing stones, stone circles, and holy wells. It would have been more fun if there weren’t a gale wind blowing so hard that waves went over the road occasionally. There were even places where streams or creeks crossed the road. The kids liked that.

I made that poor man stop at many of these. Neolithic wonders. From Pexels.

At one point, on the east coast, there was a sign saying something about ancient dwellings. It was a place called Din Lligwy and it’s one of the oldest ruins of ancient dwellings in the islands off of Europe. There are very early Roman ruins and evidence of people living there long before Romans showed up.

These photos are from this lovely article.

I got out of the car and asked for ten minutes or so to see it. Rain was falling. Waves were crashing, and a bitter wind blew. I barely noticed. I stood there amid the foundations of the homes that were beside workshops and barns. I felt as if I could see my foremothers tending fires, nursing their babies, and creating homes, just like I was doing with my little family. This place felt like a home to me.

Of course I ran back to the car all wet and jibbering, but my ex was used to me and my ancient landmarks, and the boys liked my stories. I’ll never forget the short time I stood looking at the Irish Sea during a storm, like so many other mothers had before.

By the way, the weather did not improve and we all got very sick on the ferry. But it was an adventure!

Boating in Bluffton

At the moment I’m reeling in righteous indignation at someone I used to know who insinuated that members of my family are abominations in the eyes of her deity. If you think that, try to keep it to yourself so you don’t reveal your hypocrisy. But, I reminded her that Jesus loved everyone and moved on. Karma can take care of her (and me; I have lessons to learn, too!).

My day was good, however. I didn’t have to work, so Lee and I were able to head to our favorite neighboring town of Bluffton. It’s a town on bluffs, you see, on the shores of a river that’s not actually a river (I think it’s an inlet).

Numerous cool older houses are in the old part of town.

We ate lunch in the new part of town, in one of those perfect little business areas with apartments on top of the businesses. It was full of pastel colors and trendy board and batten. The place we ate had an immense beer menu and fun burgers. I had the peach/blackberry cider shown below, which was just perfect, sweet and tart. My burger had fried pineapple on it, which was delicious!

Next, Lee drove straight to my favorite art galleries, which was really nice of him. I met the lady who made a necklace Lee got me last year, and I got two crystal and silver earrings from her.

Not a great picture of the main shopping street.

We had to then hurry to catch our boat to go look at the river. We were joined by four women who all met in the early 80s when they were riding the commuter train up north. They have a large group who are still friends. How cool.

It was a beautiful day, and we saw a good number of dolphins out feeding and just hanging out.

I enjoyed all the birds, of course, and the huge piles of oyster shells and sand bars. The spartina grass was golden and very pretty. Lee got most of the good bird pictures.

There were, of course, many fancy houses to observe, but I like the mostly empty islands best.

We’re now all ready to head back home. We will take our time, so maybe we will stop somewhere along the way! I’ll try to be as accepting as possible as long as no one insults my family.

Announcing My Dislike of Food Prep

What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?

Announcement: I don’t like to cook anymore. That’s my least favorite routine item. I enjoyed it when I was making meals for my kids and ex, who ate most foods and really seemed to appreciate my effort. Since the kids grew up I’ve lost my motivation to cook family meals, though folks often say they’re glad for the food.

Nope. Not making this. Photo from Pexels.

Some of my issue is that none of us need or want the same foods, due to health issues, allergies, and preferences. Since I’m not very creative, I can’t come up with meals. Nor do I have much time with animals to care for. Heck, I don’t even want to make meals for myself. I just want to eat stuff like fruit, yogurt, rice, and cheese.

My ideal meal. Just slap it on a board. Photo from Pexels.

I’m not sure how this all happened. It’s not my family’s fault. I’m just not motivated. Other things interest me more than food. (Unless I’m feeling extremely anxious like right now.)

What does interest me is nature, animals, reading, and knitting. Speaking of nature, I’m going to get better images from now on, with the macro lens Lee got me. It’s cool. I took pictures of small things.

I didn’t get to go try it out until late afternoon. I had a lot of work to do and I wasn’t feeling mentally well. I had nightmares all night about being afraid of people around me. Where did that come from? Lee has had CNN on again. Their coverage gets me scared sometimes. Sure, I’m easily frightened, but it’s worse when there’s justification.

Anyhow, the lens is great fun now that I’ve figured it out. I love how it focuses. Hilton Head is a good place to see small flora and fauna.

When spring comes around, I’ll be all over the flowers and insects back at the ranch. I hope, at least, to be able to! The beauty will still be there. It’s timeless.

Sending love, and understanding to each of you who has a secret part of their daily routine they’re not fond of. I can’t be alone in being bored by cooking!

Cameras and Cacophony

Is anyone reading this? Judging from my stats, few of us are interested in pretty pictures. Well, that’s what you get, my friends, because I’m not wallowing in worry about 2025. I’m going to have as much fun as I can in case I can’t later.

Gonna grab the joy of nature as much as I can. Photo by Lee.

Today was a beautiful day. Of course, because I had to work. But I squeezed in my valuable restorative nature time. I had to, because I have a new camera to play with. Lee got it for my anniversary gift ( and a macro lens for Christmas, lol, the surprise is ruined). I’ve never been good with “real” cameras, but I’m gonna try. I can upload the photos to my phone and share them with Lee, so I’m encouraged.

Look at this tiny spider! And that’s not even with the macro lens.

I took a short walk this morning on the prayer trail to try the camera out, but I got all excited about the birds I was hearing that I was distracted. The owl even showed up on Merlin, and there was some kind of major Pileated Woodpecker discussion that lasted quite a while. But I did try out the camera.

After work there was still some light, thanks to starting at 7 am, so we zipped over to a favorite spot, Pinckney Island Nature Preserve. I didn’t make Lee wait hours for me like I did last time we were here. He had more fun this time, since he got to mess with the camera a lot while I basked in the glory of looking at wading birds with my new binoculars. Oh, the glory of ibises and egrets!

The Ibis pond is one of my favorite spots in this area, and it didn’t disappoint. It was loud, though. The gallinules were making a real racket, with a variety of calls, squeaks, and hoots. I barely heard any of the other water birds. But they were all fun to watch, since there were many family groups.

I did hear and see many songbirds as I walked around the pond. There was even a new one, a group of Palm Warblers. Thanks to the binoculars I was able to easily ID them. They are distinctly marked and have pretty olive bellies. Others were bluebirds, nuthatches, vireos, kinglets, and catbirds. Oh, and there were pretty plants.

I got so involved with birds that I nearly missed this guy. Reptile goal accomplished.

I always enjoy the herons and egrets, so they filled my heart.

Mostly Snowy Egrets. My Little Blue Heron photos didn’t work out.

But where were the ibises of Ibis Pond? They were roaming all over the salt marshes finding tasty snacks. The new camera’s photos of them at a distance weren’t as good as the camera photos. I would need a telephoto lens, which we used to have…but it’s hiding.

All in all, I was holding a lot of equipment, so I’m going to have to make arrangements for everything in the future. But it was fun.

And I had a great dinner at a new restaurant in town that is in a beautiful spot. Lee isn’t fond of food or portions in nice restaurants, but my halibut was perfect, and my fancy drink was tasty and not too sweet.