Forgiven but still in my head

What’s something you’ve forgiven but haven’t forgotten?

I’ve been doing a lot of forgiving in the past few years. Some things I’ve put aside so I don’t think of them. I do still remember things long past that haunt me. I’m still terrified by a couple of memories of my dad getting angry at me, one in particular.

Some teen neighbors were visiting and I was on the back patio with them, listening to them kid around. I was young, 7 or 8 maybe, so to me they were junior grownups who I should obey. Well, one of them wondered if cats could swim, right as my tabby innocently walked by. The other said he didn’t know, and told me to throw Purr-Cat into the fish pond. I did what I was told. I still remember that poor cat’s head sticking out of the water.

About that time, Dad and the teens’ dad came out of the carport, spotting the cat as it climbed out of the pond, trailing water hyacinths (yes, I know, invasive). Dad asked how the cat got in there and the boys said I did it. Well, Dad came after me all red in the face and breathing so hard his pipe glowed red (this is burned into my synapses!). I took off running, because I knew I’d get spanked for being cruel to Purr-cat.

Thank goodness the boys saw what was happening and told their dad it was their idea and they told me to do it. So they yelled at Dad, who, as the most athletic man I knew, had easily caught tubby little me and begun his 60s parental duty of swatting away.

The boys were made to apologize to me. I remember that, too. Now, I’ve forgiven my dad for spanking us kids. Everyone’s parents did that back then. I’ve also forgiven a few things he said in anger that he later apologized for. But I remember them.

I think when the people you love most hurt you, it really stays with you.

---

I don’t know what’s going on with all my tales of the past lately. Here in the present day, things were okay. The first juncos and Harris’s Sparrows of the year arrived. I also enjoyed watching three kinds of shorebirds in our pond’s “beach” area (what’s usually underwater). The Greater Yellowlegs, Least Sandpiper, and a larger sandpiper were all busily snapping up treats in the mud.

And I’m proud. I ordered a Christmas present. In November!