Don’t Ask Me

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

This is the daily blogging prompt. When I saw it, I immediately knew the answer. It’s really hard on me when people ask:

How is your son?

Every time I’m asked, I’m reminded that it’s been years since I heard from him directly. One day he said he needed some time before he’d talk to me again, and that was that. So, I really don’t know how he is, other than indirectly.

Small melilot, bluebonnets, and Indian paintbrush, because I need a picture.

Maybe someday I’ll know what caused the rift. Maybe not. As I’m repeatedly reminded, it’s the estranged person’s right to do what they need to do, and that should be respected.

It’s not at all helpful to speculate about possible reasons for the situation, because I have no way to know. His father won’t talk to me about it, nor will anyone in his household. I’m glad they respect his wishes, and if the situation were reversed, I would be grateful.

When I’m sad, I hug Fiona. She always seems to like me.

Still, I’m human and a mother who loves her children unconditionally. So, it hurts to be asked how my son is doing. I wish him peace and love, and respect his wishes.

And that is my answer to the prompt.


Author: Sue Ann (Suna) Kendall

The person behind The Hermits' Rest blog and many others. I'm a certified Texas Master Naturalist and love the nature of Milam County. I manage technical writers in Austin, help with Hearts Homes and Hands, a personal assistance service, in Cameron, and serve on three nonprofit boards. You may know me from La Leche League, knitting, iNaturalist, or Facebook. I'm interested in ALL of you!

21 thoughts on “Don’t Ask Me”

  1. I really love the way you are so respectful and patient. I am sorry this is this way for you though. I hope he will come around. I finally got my father back after years of him not speaking to me after his third marriage. He wanted to be in my life again once he was going through another divorce. I let him back in because I missed what we had. I never held it against him and always thought I’d one day maybe have him back in my life. After having kids it’s been a little more difficult for him to pop in and out of our lives as he pleases. I will always love my dad, but find it more difficult to let him back in when it hurts my daughters. I wish he would give me some grace as to why I am not just throwing the door open when he decides to call only when is needing me. You sound very gracious and forgiving ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes, all we can really do is love someone. But that’s quite a lot, really. I believe that love still makes a difference in both of your lives, even if there’s no current direct communication.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so articulate in your response. You do an amazing job of objectively looking at all sides of the situation without casting any blame or expressing outrage. That takes a lot of clarity and maturity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s been hard. I read a whole bunch of posts saying how people have every right to cut toxic family members out of their lives, and I took it to heart. Who knows what I did or was perceived to have done, but begging or whining won’t change anything. I’ll just be patient and hope something changes. I will always love both my children.


  4. I can relate. While my son who is estranged has told me why, it still makes no sense to me. All I can do is hope that one day he’ll want to mend our relationship. Hugs to you 🤗 It’s a heartbreaking loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Right there with you with my firstborn too. I dread being asked, “How’s Katie”, explaining that she’s told us not to contact her, and having to shrug when asked the reason for the estrangement. As though it didn’t pain me enough to wonder these same things every day. I’m sorry for your situation, Sue Ann, and though it’s small comfort, at least we know we’re not alone in this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hugs to you, dear friend. It’s truly helpful to realize I’m not alone and that there are others going through this who I view as good parents.


      1. Yes. You are right. A person I know who lost a child told me she cried and cried for years. Then one day she didn’t have any more tears and that was worse.


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