children – The Hermits' Rest

Look at Me, I Did Community Outreach

One of the things you’re supposed to do as a Texas Master Naturalist is share what you know about nature with others. I’m not very good at staffing booths, I’ve discovered, but today I was able to do some nature interpretation with some Cub Scouts, and that’s what I hope to be able to do more of.

You may remember I went with friends to check out the Ranchería Grande as a potential nature walk site. The Cub Scouts leader decided it might be too much for the pack members and some parents, so instead they planned a shorter walk at the Chalk Ridge Falls Park in Belton, and asked me to come along and see what I could show them. She figured it would be pretty simple, given the young people’s attention spans.

Happily, that wasn’t true at all. The park, which winds along the banks of the Lampassas River on the other side of the dam that creates Stillhouse Hollow Lake. It has nice wide trails, though one has to watch out for the many steep ledges some young people want to lean over. There are plenty of birds, trees, flowers, raccoon poop, and weird things to entertain Scouts and their siblings.

I’m explaining what an oak gall is. Can you tell it was chilly?

It was great that most of the participants were interested in the things they saw and found. I enjoyed answering some really good questions and showing everyone lovely sights like buckeye trees, which I didn’t even know we had.

It’s an Ohio buckeye, all right. One youngster observed that it looks like honey.

One little boy asked me a series of questions about what I showed him, was thrilled when I showed him how trees bloom, and after a while, came running up to me with a huge grin and shining eyes, exclaiming, “I love nature now!”

His brother carried a catkin from some tree around for a long time telling everyone how important pollen is. He’d never seen it before.

And the sister of one of the Scouts got all disappointed when her parents said they had to go back to their car. She told them she wanted to stay and keep having this adventure. Wow. I’d say the outing was a success.

And the adults were also great. One grandmother was using her cane to help walk, and had said she’d just stay on the trail when everyone went down some stairs. But she got so interested in what we were seeing that she came on down and made it much further. Afterward, she was so proud of herself and declared she was ready to do some squats. That was just the best.

I had good conversations with the adults as well. One mother said she wished we could come back without the kids so we could go further. I liked her!

Everyone thought that narrowleaf puccoon is a weird name for a plant.

I learned a bunch, too, like that there are chalk deposits in the area and that canyon wrens have a distinctive call I’ll never miss again. They are my Daily Bird. No wonder we found them here—they live on cliffs. We’re at the eastern edge of this bird’s range.

The park has more litter than I’d like to see. We talked about returning with trash bags. Some of the infrastructure is in poor shape, too. But it’s beautiful, free, and just an hour from Cameron. It’s a great field trip, and I’m glad my friend brought the pack there!

Favorite Flower, Least Favorite Word

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

I’m gonna make random readers learn about my encounter with a new favorite flower and some historical land before telling you what word I’d ban. I want to share happy things.

Anyone who’s known me a long time probably knows my favorite flower in the pansy. I love their colors and their happy faces. I had no clue that there are wild pansies in the US, since I only knew them from flats in the garden store. But there are!

Hello! I’m the American field pansy – *Viola rafinesquei*

There’s no info on it in iNaturalist, which surprised me. But it apparently grows all through the eastern US. Have you ever seen it?

I was quite entranced by these tiny mini-pansies, which I encountered in Southeastern Milam County today on a hike with friends and their sons along the old El Camino Real de Los Tejas trail, leading to the panoramic views at the top of a hill, where Native American settlements at the Ranchería Grande were located. It’s gorgeous, with 360° views of the area. (Fellow Master Naturalists own the property and with the help of volunteers will make it accessible to the public.)

I found another new plant, called smallflower fumewort (Corydalis micrantha). They were all over the field, too. It has a charming, yellow flower shaped like tubes. I never saw anything like it before!

We had three young boys with us who were very new to the concept of observing and preserving nature. One young man was very proud to have cut apart the snail shell I gave him. Another one really enjoyed hitting things with sticks to see the sounds they made. They took great glee at destroying any animal tracks they found, but we convinced them to leave the cool leaf cutter ants to their business. I think ant lions sounded scary so their holes were safe, too.

Spider wort didn’t scare anyone. I was pleased my friend found one blooming!

I hope the younger hikers learned some things, though, and it was fun listening to them and hearing how they think. I’ll have a lot more boys next week, as we take Cub Scouts along the trail. Here are some things the boys found interesting.

We adults had fun, probably more than the kids. I was happy to have a chance to hang out with my friend, her spouse, and my fellow Master Naturalist. Next week I’m on my own with no backup naturalist.

This photo shows a huge leaf cutter ant colony. Dozens of connected nests.

So, what word would I like to make go away? I find the word “libtard” especially offensive and disrespectful. It insults people with more progressive ideas by using “-tard” which is something people try not to use to refer to those who have mental disabilities. I guess the word helps me remember to do my best to avoid name calling and pejorative labels when talking about the new far, far right factions in the US.

Hurling insults is a time-honored tradition in politics, I know. That doesn’t make it any less distasteful.

Birds and Babes

Today I’m starting off with the birds, because even though I had limited bird time today, I got a lot of fun sights and sounds in.

I think the cardinals are posing. They’re everywhere, flapping and chirping.

The most dramatic sight was watching the red-tailed hawk get chased off her perch by a crow (I say “her” because the hawk is very large). I got some good photos and turned a couple of the live ones into little movies.

The start

More pestering

Hawk is annoyed

The other birds, meanwhile were just all a-flutter. The Harris’s sparrows were really busy, but there were 8 other kinds in the mix. I also enjoyed a couple of wrens and house finch groups that weren’t at all shy. It was fun! But I had to leave.

Babes?

I left home to go to Plano to see baby Ruby, who is actually a two-year-old chatterbox now. I also went to see Pouri and Elmira/Ellie, my Persian “sister” and bonus daughter. I miss them a lot, because they’ve always welcomed me and treated me so kindly. It feels so great to feel unconditional love!

I’m not that tall. My shoes have hidden heels I think.

I really enjoyed the party, because Ellie and Jimmy have such nice friends and families and wow, all the children there were so happy and fun to watch. They just played like crazy and the parents were so good at soothing and redirecting when needed. I was impressed.

This little girl cooked and cooked on this excellent play kitchen that makes cooking noises.

The best thing was the bouncy house in the back yard. Those little ones were filled with joy and energy and had a blast. All but one were girls and no one screeched!

Proof I bounced.

The little boy is Ellie’s nephew and as cute as he can be. Watching him play with the toy ice cream shop and car wash was so much fun for me. He’s a little engineer or scientist in the making.

Ruby and the ice cream shop toy. It’s very clever.

I’d have felt jealous or sad since I don’t get to hang out with grandkids much, but Pouri let me pretend to be a grandmother, so I just sat and smiled at the cuteness.

I did end up passing in a few of the things I’d have given to my grandkids to Ellie and Jimmy, with all my love. I gave a Peter Rabbit cup and saucer my dear stepmom had given Declan with intentions to pass them to his children. He said it’s fine to pass them on. I also gave Ellie my three beautiful story books of different cultures that had been my mother’s as a child. They are now almost 100 years old. I think Ruby will enjoy the beautiful illustrations and the Japanese haiku.

There was crying involved in that exchange but mostly it was very satisfying to see the thoughtful and engaging gifts that the little ones had so much fun with. There was lots of food and role playing stuff, all things any preschool child would enjoy.

I also enjoyed the cake. Dang, the kids all took turns nicely, really loved singing English and Persian birthday songs, and were patient with problematic candles. Everyone just laughed, including when Ruby steadily picked individual sprinkles off the cake. She likes sprinkles a lot. This was such a low-stress event.

I came back to the same hotel I usually stay at, walked around by a creek, and enjoyed some quiet knitting time. I enjoyed my day being an honorary grandma and seeing my friends.

I got a reindeer party favor because there were extras. I made her a collar. It says Vixen. That was my childhood reindeer toy’s name. Ellie sent carrots home with each toy (technically a caribou).

Don’t Ask Me

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

This is the daily blogging prompt. When I saw it, I immediately knew the answer. It’s really hard on me when people ask:

How is your son?

Every time I’m asked, I’m reminded that it’s been years since I heard from him directly. One day he said he needed some time before he’d talk to me again, and that was that. So, I really don’t know how he is, other than indirectly.

Small melilot, bluebonnets, and Indian paintbrush, because I need a picture.

Maybe someday I’ll know what caused the rift. Maybe not. As I’m repeatedly reminded, it’s the estranged person’s right to do what they need to do, and that should be respected.

It’s not at all helpful to speculate about possible reasons for the situation, because I have no way to know. His father won’t talk to me about it, nor will anyone in his household. I’m glad they respect his wishes, and if the situation were reversed, I would be grateful.

When I’m sad, I hug Fiona. She always seems to like me.

Still, I’m human and a mother who loves her children unconditionally. So, it hurts to be asked how my son is doing. I wish him peace and love, and respect his wishes.

And that is my answer to the prompt.

Feeling a New Feeling

Two things have happened that are a fortuitous coincidence. One is my son and his partner moving nearby. The other is reading Brené Brown’s latest book, Atlas of the Heart.

The book has pretty quotes. This one fit in with my current ambivalence about expectations.

The book seems sorta silly in concept. It’s a list of definitions of human emotions. Apparently many people can only identify three emotions: happy, sad, and angry. So, perhaps at atlas is useful after all.

I learned some interesting nuances about emotions, such as how jealousy and envy differ. But I also learned a new one that explained how I’ve been feeling about the possibility of having some of my family nearby.

I feel like I can’t be happy and look forward to fun times and what the future might bring. It’s called foreboding joy. Brown says it’s a nearly universal experience, especially for parents. Yeah. What a term. Foreboding joy. You can’t let yourself enjoy good things because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That’s it. I’ll try to slide some real joy in the next few weeks. I need some goodness, strength, and courage! And I’ll write more about the book later. I’m pleased to have words to describe the weird feeling I’ve had lately. Hmm.

Our Community Is Growing

As a winter storm is barreling its way toward us, it brings hope and possibility. Thanks to the rising costs of housing and the never-ending gentrification of affordable neighborhoods in Austin, my son and his partner have made the hard decision to come out here and start over.

In a lucky coincidence, our sweet tenants in the old cabin on the ranch property we share with Sara’s family moved to south Texas right when Declan and Rollie ran out of Austin options. We agreed to offer it to them as a more affordable option.

We all have good memories of this place. Ten years ago, this is where we celebrated New Year’s, while Sara’s house was being built. It’s quirky, but cool, so we weren’t sure what our young folks would think. So, they came up last week to look it over.

I was so touched to see how much Rollie was charmed by the place. Rollie has experience with basic living conditions. They can see potential and charm, like I can. Declan will have a harder time, but we think we can work it out. He will have his own music room! And hobby space.

We met to figure out rent and expectations. The plumbing is sensitive, so much must be taught. Vlassic helped.

Tonight we had our traditional meal. Those young folks ate a lot. That always makes me so happy.

Pork loin, cornbread, black-eyed peas, rice, collard greens, cole slaw (bonus cabbage)

Declan and Rollie wanted to go back and look at the cabin again. Did I mean toon it’s the oldest structure on the property? It predates all the neighbor houses. So we went, even though it was getting dark.

Ten years after my first New Year’s sunset, Rollie enjoyed one.

They took lots of pictures to help them figure out where to put stuff. That’s when I let myself believe they will actually move up here in a few weeks. That lowers my concern for them so much. They can find plenty of stuff to do here to meet expenses.

I’m glad to be able to provide options for these two as they figure things out. They can have their independence but not feel alone. And they can plan their next steps.

Meanwhile, Harvey is glad there are no steps to get into his new giant water dish, and Goldie says thanks for the sandbox.

I have no expectations. We talked about it tonight. This weird time has helped us learn a lot about ourselves. We don’t have to expect others to be anything other than themselves. But if I can help, I will.

One day at a time, with intention, off we go in our expanded family compound. Thanks to Sara and her family for helping us help our family.

Dolphins and Mother’s Day Wishes

My patience paid off! I have been scanning the ocean from our room every day since we got to Myrtle Beach. I mentioned before that it was oddly empty of…anything. Slowly, but surely, more things have showed up. I saw a couple of yachts, a kayak, and sailboats yesterday, and today there are parasailing boats, sailboats, jet skis and all sorts of activity. Maybe today is the first official day of “the season” or something.

What I was actually looking for all that time was dolphins. I knew they were there, but all I saw was a glassy sea. Today, though, I saw something black out there. I figured it was a sea duck or something, so I grabbed the binoculars (so glad I brought them) to check.

This time, there are dolphins in that glassy expanse.

There was at least one, and maybe two pods of dolphins out there, playing and jumping. At one point, three of them were jumping together. It was mighty fine entertainment! I had a blast, and I felt like it was my Mother’s Day gift from my Mom and Mother Nature. What a full heart I had watching those families playing together!

The black dot in the center is a dolphin heading down. Obviously I couldn’t get a real photo, since they were way out there.

It’s Mother’s Day in the US as I mentioned. It’s been hard since my older son stopped speaking to me, but I think he knows I love him anyway. Maybe I’ll hear from the other one today! I liked the new Facebook background that showed up today, of love cactuses. That’s how family is; you love them, even if it’s prickly.

Sometimes you lose loved ones, they don’t appreciate you, they don’t understand your motives, or they have challenges that make loving hard for them. I’m sending love to all of them, as well as to my own loved ones I don’t understand. I’m no saint about it, myself!

Hug someone you’re allowed to safely hug today, and enjoy whatever gift Mother Nature brings to you, my friends!

Thirty Years Ago Today

On January 15, 1991, the Gulf War was all that was on the news. I was, however, preoccupied with other things, since the previous day, I’d taken a very bumpy and snowy drive to the local hospital in Urbana, Illinois, where I’d spent the least-pleasant day and night in my life. No one wants the gory details, but in the end, the day dawned with a new human being in the world, my son, Kynan. The name means high and mighty in Welsh, or something like that.

I have to say that this baby brought so much joy to his parents, grandparents, and friends that it was totally worth the interventions and ickiness of his birth. We had so much fun with this bright, funny, and entertaining little soul.

He started talking at nine months. We went into the back yard to look at the stars, and he pointed up and declared, “Moon!” He’s never done things the standard way. My dad said K. was revenge for how I was as a baby and toddler. I apparently talked constantly, too. Lucky for me, I was in my element gabbing away and reading to my little buddy.

Woodland exp0lorer (sorry, bad photo; it’s high on a shelf)

He was also an annoyingly early walker, but again, that was fine. He got his dad’s athletic build and skill, that’s for sure.

Raising this young man was one of the great joys of my life. I always enjoyed his friends and was impressed with his loyalty to them. If a friend crossed some line, though, they were out. His sense of right and wrong has always been very strong. His intellect is bright and very sharp; he’s fun to debate with (he was good at it in school!). He’s a gifted musician, and I always loved listening to him play his mandolin.

Stick a beard on it, and that’s him as an adult.

The other greatest joy I had was proofreading his college papers. It was awesome to see how his writing became better and better during college. By the time he as finished, he wrote as well as me and didn’t need my help (and I couldn’t really understand the philosophy stuff, as he’d passed me long ago).

I’m very proud of his work as a high-school teacher, and have worried about him a lot during the COVID-19 period. That has had to be so challenging for someone who cares so much for his students.

Here, he looks like an angel. Even though it hurts, I look at this every day.

Anyway, it’s a sad day for me on January 15, 2021. Like many people I know, I have a child who will not communicate with me. The last time I heard from him normally was two years ago today. It’s been a hard time for both of us, I think, as there have been many challenges in both our lives. I hope though, that he is happy with his family and household, and thinks of me in positive ways, at least occasionally. I know when he’s ready, he’ll get in touch again and I’ll find out what caused him to ghost me two years ago.

If you have a close relationship with your children, tell them you love them often! And if you’re estranged, hold hope and love in your heart. That’s about all I can do. I’m not looking for advice, just sharing how things are right now. My sadness today is perfectly normal, and I’ll be fine and keep coping.

My children aren’t big on gift giving. This is my treasure, which he had made for some band fundraiser in high school.

Change is always possible, and is inevitable. I’ll be here for my son whenever he wants me to be.

Warmest Solstice Greetings

Last night, as the official solstice occurred, I went out and looked at the Jupiter and Saturn confluence (or whatever it’s called), humming “Star of Wonder, Star of Light” to myself. It was a welcome getaway from the people in the house once again discussing why they don’t like my stovetop (this is said with a laugh).

A doe in Illinois, not Texas. Photo from: *@castlemandesign via Twenty20*

The morning dawned frosty and silvery, with the sun practically rising in the south, it seemed to me. I was given the gift of watching a herd of deer bounding across one of the nearby fields, with the buck turning briefly to look at me. That’s enough to warm my heart for the rest of the day.

In my office, which is a bit of a mess while I await my new glass shelves, I lit all the available fake and real candles, and of course have a roaring fire in the fake fireplace. Sitting here in the darkened room gives me plenty of time to reflect on all that’s transpired since last Yule, when Lee and I were happily preparing for our supposedly solo trip to Bandera.

This evening, I plan to light all the candles in the house and pretend I have a Yule log in the fireplace (unless I can convince someone to light a fire). This year, especially, the longest night of the year provides time to finish mourning the losses in the past months and look for the glimmer of light that’s approaching. I’m glad there are now vaccines for essential workers.

Solstices Past

I haven’t done a memoir in a little while, so I’ll share how my family used to celebrate the solstice. It was a lot of fun when the boys were young. As they got old enough to understand, we explained to them what the winter solstice meant, and how it was celebrated in the past.

These are all the cheap fake candles that still work after a year.

We had a tradition of having a fire, lighting all the candles in the house (and I had lots back then, since the kids’ dad was not deathly opposed to scented candles), doing a little ceremony where we shared the best thing from the past year and the worst thing (these were often pretty funny), then selecting ONE present from under the Christmas tree to open before Christmas (we also celebrated Christmas!).

The Wonder of Babies

Maybe you know this, and maybe you don’t, but back in the early days of the internet, I was a semi-famous web designer, specializing in sites for people working with breastfeeding mothers and babies. Now, THAT was a career I never would have foreseen (besides not knowing there would BE a World Wide Web, I was pretty sure I would never reproduce. My first love didn’t want children (and never had them, just cats), and I thought they’d slow down my feminist agenda, or something.

Turned out, though, that not only did I like babies quite a lot, doing websites allowed me to stay home and watch them grow, with plenty of time left to support other mothers and babies. And by gosh, I got a career out of the whole deal. That pretty much fit right in with my agenda, after all.

While that career path has dwindled a bit (oh wait, I am still the webmaster for some organizations), my enjoyment of babies has stuck with me. I love the potential. I love watching them change every day (though I haven’t had a chance to do that in a long time), I love watching parents grow and rise up to all the inevitable challenges, or lean on others when those challenges overwhelm.

This was my challenge. No sleep! Lost me a spouse! I wasn’t much fun. Photo by *@andreafwagner via Twenty20*.

Parenting brought me life-long friends (I have some from 30 years ago, when I first got pregnant and looked up information on online bulletin boards). Now that my friends are grandparenting, I get the joy of watching those relationships develop. It’s really amazing how my friends have been helping their children’s children during the pandemic, ranging from caring for them so the parents can work from home to home-schooling programs on Zoom.

It doesn’t appear that I’ll be a grandparent (I guess if K fathered children, I’d not get to see them, and there are some challenges for D). I guess that’s good for overpopulation. But I’ll miss having the chance to be there for my sons and their partners, and to hold and smell little ones again (yes, I remember there are also bad smells).

This generic newborn stands in for the real one, who I don’t want to plaster all over the internet, since he’s not my child. Photo by *@christyhermogenes via Twenty20*.

But, other people’s kids aren’t quite so set on not having babies, so I got to be a great aunt by marriage a few days ago. I’m excited, though the pandemic means I only get to see photos of the little guy. I look into his face, with eyes old beyond his age, and see so much potential. He already shows what he might look like when he’s older, with a large mouth, lots of hair, and very expressive eyes. What a wonder, indeed. His young mama is enjoying him, and his grandparents are ridiculously excited, as they should be. I get to enjoy it vicariously, which is better than a kick in the head!

The actual baby. I got permission to share. Isn’t he adorable.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few very scary months in the world, but I’m very glad that I will have a sweet baby boy to distract me and to remind me of the timeless wonder of babies as they grow. May he grow into a world full of peace, love, and kindness.