We made it home from Cleburne by going the back way. We saw towns we never heard of, and it was a lot less stressful than the Interstate.
I’ll miss the waterfowl. That’s a cormorant and a coot.
We were able to stay most of the day, so I got another nice hike around the lake. I disturbed many vultures, but they came back as soon as I left. Lots of flappy flappy wings going on.
The classic Thunderbird poseAnnoyedStretchingShiny Black Vulture Hanging outTree ornaments Vulture Appreciation
The rest of the walk was filled with Robins rustling in the leaves. They were everywhere! Eventually I found the rest of the songbirds. I love the different titmice calling back and forth.
Hiding Robin
Most of my photos are of dried flowers and Shumard Red Oaks. But why not? They are beautiful.
Splitgill mushroom up closeI think this is from a sycamore
The long weekend was very helpful for me. I made some decisions for the future that put me at ease at least a bit, and I look forward to being with friends and coworkers like normal.
Penney asks, what exactly is normal?
Now, here are a few more photos, since I have bandwidth today.
(Written yesterday but only got enough bars to update today.)
After thinking good old Seneca wasn’t going to make it, Lee and I managed to leave town yesterday to have a quiet Thanksgiving and 16th anniversary trip to Cleburne State Park.
A lake view
There was little traffic, so the trip up near Fort Worth wasn’t too bad. Our campsite is very secluded and right on the lake. Last night we just managed to get set up before we were zonked, so we put off the big meal until today.
Dinner
Lee bought this nice pre-cooked smoked turkey that we ate cold I made stuffing, green beans with mushrooms, mashed potatoes, and gravy, all with the microwave. I choked down canned cranberry sauce. It was fine. And there was sweet potato pie for dessert. I’m glad we bought the glass storage dishes, since we needed them.
Before we ate, we got groceries at Kroger in Cleburne. When you live in Cameron, finding new flavors of Pop Tarts can make your day! I enjoyed the store, in other words.
Also we found where Goldie was getting all that money we find buried in homes she dug with her one good paw. (Kidding)
Then, after it warmed up a bit, I went on a nice walk around the park. There aren’t that many birds here, or I was out at the wrong time. But all the red oaks, sumacs, sycamores, and other trees are putting on a nice show of fall colors, as they go in Texas, anyway.
The hike I took went up and down some limestone hills, so I got a bit of a workout. This area is apparently the northernmost part of the Texas Hill Country. That explains the Ashe Junipers and the nearby quarry.
Later, after our meal, Lee and I went to the boat ramp area across the lake from our camping site. The light was great for moody lake and foliage shots with the new and phone cameras.
When we got back to our site, we got some sunset shots and watched blackbirds coming in to roost in the reeds. There was also one Hooded Merganser making its odd call. All that lake fun was good for me.
I needed this outing. I keep hoping that my mental state will improve. It doesn’t. By Wednesday I was barely functioning. It was like a constant panic attack with no way to turn it off. I was fumbling for words and emotionally fragile. I have tried very hard to not break down, because people around me don’t cope with it well. I also don’t like acting weird.
And the small amount of Prozac I’d been on was helping me feel normal and have reasonable emotional highs and lows. The last few weeks I have suffered, though. I feel like I’m watching a ticking time bomb and powerless to do anything about where its shrapnel will fall. I have my recurring Holocaust dreams. Oh, ick.
(Note: I am completely aware this is irrational, which is why I’m so disappointed in myself).
Wednesday I finally went to my doctor, who reassured me that if I took my other medication and a stronger dose of Prozac for a while, I won’t become addicted or a Zombie. So I’m doing that while on this news-free camping trip. Heh, it’s practically Internet feee!
Seneca has also had a hard time staying balanced. The site is not very level.
The reason I shared this is because I’ve talked to more than one friend who thought they were the only one coping poorly right now. Even friends with different viewpoints than mine say it’s a worrisome time. So if you think you’re over-reacting or being silly, you aren’t. What we are going through is a normal reaction to grief, fear of the unknown, and feeling powerless. Let yourself feel your feelings, it don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. You are probably sensitive or have empathic tendencies.
Stick with your community! I’m SO grateful for mine. And I hope I’m better soon!
It happens all the time to me. I get perturbed about a situation, but if I just give myself time, I can figure out a solution. I need to remember this for future perturbations.
I’ve no idea if I used perturbation right. But here’s a cute Fiery Skipper in a salt marsh aster.
Yesterday I found out my roommate for the upcoming Master Naturalist annual meeting had decided to get a room to herself. Now, as Suna, I would be hypocritical if I didn’t applaud someone who wanted to room alone. Heck, this was the first year I’d wanted a roommate, and I go on long trips alone. I get wanting a place to decompress!
This Dusky Skipper is here to tell you it’s time for the 2024 Texas Pollinator Bioblitz, so there will be many insects and flowering plants in here for the next few days.
The problem was that I’d messed up when registering for my hotel room. Because I wanted to arrive Wednesday, a day the hotel is full, I couldn’t use hotel points and had to reserve a full price. Then I realized I’d forgotten to book Saturday night. So, it was working out to be an expensive mess and I considered canceling, since I’ll have no one to hang out with.
I could hang with this guy. What an interesting wasp. It’s a Five-banded Thynnid wasp, I think.
But I thought, and thought, and at last my brain woke up and gave me the inspiration to contact Hilton customer support. So I got through to their Diamond member customer support. I told the agent my situation and she said she thought she could fix it. It took a while, but she was able to apply points for three of the nights, and get me the less expensive conference rate for that pesky Wednesday night (it’s still over $200—no wonder most of my colleagues aren’t going). To top it off, she exchanged my standard two-queen room for my favorite: the king corner suite. I just couldn’t stop thanking that nice and competent worker. She got a great review from me!
I’m happy as a Phaon Crescent that’s avoided the local Phoebes.
I felt like things took a turn for the better last night when I got a text from Tarrin after I’d already gone to bed. She said to go outside quickly. So I did. There was the aurora borealis dimly shining in the north! It may have been pale, but I’d never seen it before! And it looked really cool in photos.
Wow!
I got all weepy and giddy at the same time. I’d always wanted to see the Northern Lights. Now I don’t have to go to Iceland to do it. Lee enjoyed it, too. I really should have texted others, but I was too awestruck. I’m glad Tarrin texted!
Bucket Lust (Anita said I had to leave this good typo) complete. That was the only thing left on it, now that I’ve also seen the Grand Canyon.
I’d also been sort of pouty that I had no one to do fun things with tomorrow afternoon, but now I do! I’m going to the Wild Wings Bird Sanctuary to do my October bird count and should find friends there, then I’ll go help another group at the yearly Steak Stein and Wine event downtown. I’m glad they asked. I’m a sucker for feeling needed.
I’m also a sucker for gifts of flowers. Lee got me a chrysanthemum a couple of days ago. This, however, is feverfew.
Plus, I get to eat the steak dinner, because a space became available. I was ok not going, but it will be nice to go after all and see my son as a bonus.
Don’t be pouty! A beautiful moment might be coming right up.
The moral of today is to quit being pouty. Things will work out, or a better alternative will arise if you remember to make your own fun!
Driving home from the state park was a depressing reminder of how divided our country is today. Sometimes being a sensitive person makes me too vulnerable to attack ads, negativity, and the spread of misinformation. And when people I care about are sharing the worst misinformation, it’s too much.*
Cheerful Cardinal dude.
So I was thinking that I can’t control what’s on television and other media, but there are things in my sphere that I can control. So I’m taking a vacation from my Facebook feed. I’ll miss some good news and other personal developments that happen, but I’ll get less agitated.
Maybe honey locust leaves are like gummies for birds. He seemed really mellow. Maybe I need gummies. No! Drugs/herbs are not the solution, ha ha.
I have other ways to keep in touch! I’m sharing the blog posts on my ranch Facebook page, and dog and horse updates on their pages. And people can comment on the blog or email me. Just ask.
They need more than 197 followers. Of course, I haven’t been posting there since I got so busy.
But, I’m not an influencer. I may be an asocial media influencer at that. It will not be a big deal to go away for a while. I just finally hit the point where the benefits of connection no longer outweigh the negativity and hostility from people who mean well.
Fiona agrees that she’s pretty dull, especially when no one posts on her page. I’m guilty.
Other news? Goldie’s biopsy report finally came in. Indeed she had or has osteosarcoma. The best news is that it’s not a highly aggressive or in a one. I guess it’s the least bad kind of a bad thing.
Supervising her domain.
She started licking and messing with her leg where her old hotspot and IV were. So we covered it last night. The vet I talked to today said it needs to able to breathe, so it’s off now and I replaced it with a sock. It’s one that was really tight on me, but is probably too big. We will keep trying.
We have another shirt on her, too. She can lick her incision. Ugh.
I’m okay! I just don’t want to be hammered with partisan politics, name calling, and intimidation for a while. Self care rules, y’all.
Cindy and Cathy take care of each other and rarely argue. Well, as far as I can tell.
Oh yeah: take care of yourselves, Florida friends!
*some great friends I disagree with are sharing factual information that makes me think. I appreciate those perspectives.
It’s my plan to take things day by day for the next month or so, while Goldie heals and annoying political ads get more absurd. Today was different from yesterday, as days tend to be. I did my best to embrace the changes and challenges. It seemed to be the best option.
Hooray, a Common Mestra posed for me.
I’m glad I didn’t have the overwhelming anxiety of yesterday. I felt more centered, or so I thought until it became clear that my mode today was jitters. I managed to drop things, burn myself, allow myself to be bitten by Apache (my fault, not his), trip on random weeds, and even dribble my coffee.
I’d like to fly away, but that’s not the mature choice.
I was also more impatient than usual. Things I usually let go of easily, like being corrected or contradicted repeatedly, were bugging me. I can’t live my life at home if I start noticing and reacting to other people’s quirks that aren’t going to change. If I expect for my quirks to be accepted, I need to return the favor, right?
Quirks like toting this giant thing everywhere I go.
If I were to wager, which I don’t do, I’d bet that most people in partnerships occasionally want to get a break from certain habits or situations in their home, whether it’s leaving the toilet seat up or not putting tools back where they belong (partially made-up examples). That’s why I think my little trips are good for me. It gives the family a break.
Another of my quirks. Doing my nails in weird ways. Oh, and saying I’m sorry all the time. I’ll end the list here.
Anyway, I assume I’ll be better tomorrow and head towards a more pleasant attitude. I did make a nice dinner, so I wasn’t totally grumped out.
Sure, we’re both pleasingly plump, but you could have shared that food! Oh, shrimp? Never mind.
As for Goldie, the reason for my jitters, she is okay, though she seems to be in more discomfort. That huge incision has to hurt as it heals. It looks good, though, not infected or leaking.
Not gonna display the incision. It’s a foot long, at least.
She changed her shirt (the other one was cut off her, so no repeat shirts). I found a white one for her to wear to keep the incision area clean and keep other dogs from licking it. None of them have tried, though.
I have birds on!
She’s eating well and doing her doggie business successfully. We humans spend lots of time with her, which I hope helps. The other dogs are respectful, thankfully.
Carlton is just glad he gets to sleep upstairs with us.
My hope is that day by day she and I both feel better. Every day I’ll feel more confident in her healing, too.
Neither Lee nor I were feeling our best in the mental health department today. All the illness around us gets to us sometimes, and we’re worried about people in addition to dogs.
This Giant Swallowtail did make me smile.
We ended up not doing much other than going to get horse and hen supplies and watching comedy shows. Sometimes you need a mindless day.
Every day is mindless for these guys, who are getting along fine and enjoying their grubs.
It’s still really hot, though I honored the equinox by creating a splashy weird nail look. It’s either cool and graphic or it makes my nails look dirty. You be the judge.
I also still can’t get used to long hair. Closeup.
There were no animal hijinks or injuries today other than birds and butterflies to amuse me. I saw two Wilson’s Warblers today, a first here at the ranch. I enjoy the migratory visitors, especially when they have cute little caps.
What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?
I’ll tell you about one health and well-being strategy I use: if my day was too draining to blog about, I’ll put off answering the prompt. So, I started this yesterday and stopped. I realized I was having anxiety issues big time.
I don’t think I realized it as the work day was going on, but when I stopped working, I got those familiar chest pains that usually don’t happen anymore thanks to my daily medication. It’s some kind of PTSD-like response to my day. My boss was laid off and I was the last to know, thanks to Microsoft Teams suddenly insisting on my password that I forgot. That kind of stuff happens in large corporations of course. I’ve been through it with Lee, at the same company.
Noooo, not Lee!
But my “stress memory” didn’t handle it as well as my intellectual brain did. I went right back to when I was at my previous employer and the boss I considered a mentor and friend got laid off (victim of a power struggle). I’d really liked my job there, for the most part, but things immediately went downhill until I realized I, too, was in the middle of a power struggle I could not win.
My nice job became prickly, just like these beautiful flowers will become those giant burs.
The last straw was when they made someone who worked for me my boss, and a week after telling me I was the strongest member of the team, he turned around and gave me one of “those” little chats about what a poor worker I was. I was so confused I kept asking, “What?” The very lucky thing was that I’d been getting all sorts of calls and emails about another position doing the parts of my job I really liked without the management politics. I took it. It’s a great job.
Happy worker, generated by AI – it is not me
And here I am having chest pains again. Now, I know that my position for next year has passed all the approvals needed, and I’ll get to work only 32 hours, which I find great. More time for camping and horses! But, not knowing where our team is going and all that would make anyone a little uncomfortable. I need to just take it day by day and be positive.
I’m a happy worker bee.
Could you tell my emotions to pay attention to my logical side? I guess that’s really my job. And that’s one thing I do to keep my well-being under control. I keep telling myself everything is OK until I believe it. It’s worked for eliminating negative self-talk, so maybe it will work with getting triggered when a bad experience could be construed to be happening again.
I need a new perspective, like this picture of the front pond from the side I usually don’t see.
At least maintaining my health is easier. I now exercise enough because it’s become a habit (hooray for my Apple Watch). I can’t believe it, but I feel bad if I’m not active. Needing to care for the animals sorta forces me to burn some calories, and the horse lessons are good for both my body and my mind. I’m really feeling good about all that!
I comfort her; she comforts me. It all works out. (It thundered again today, so Goldie begged me to go upstairs and hang out with her.)
I will first tell you where I want to reduce clutter: in my head. That goal is slowly coming to fruition as I discard guilt over past mistakes, sadness over lost lives and friends, my endless lists of rules I think I have to follow so my friends and family won’t desert me, etc. (Abandonment issues? Yes, thanks Mom.)
How to cope? Go out and watch deer when it’s 18°.
The last thing is still a big issue. I want to be considerate of others and respect their boundaries and wishes, but I don’t want to constantly second guess myself in deference to others. What topics do I avoid with Person X? Remember not to argue with Person Y! Never mention Person Z by name! It’s a balance. It’s definitely the reason I’m quieter now.
So, yup, I need to sweep out some mental clutter. It’s a good goal.
However. As for household clutter.
I’m not a minimalist. I enjoy having things to look at in my environment that I enjoy. Like I’ve mentioned before, some objects seem to carry a spirit somehow, of people who made them or gave them to me…they have meaning. So don’t tell me my house is full of clutter. I like it that way. If I want to live in a bland hotel I can go to a condo.
At least I keep the birds outside…except for my bird journal. Clutter.
That said, my house bothers me right now because there is mess. To me, mess is stuff with no purpose that is just sitting around waiting for someone to do something about it. There are boxes of yarn I can’t fit in my office closet because it needs to be rearranged to add shelves and such. There are two china hutches in the entryway, because I can’t move the big one so I can empty out the small one and trade things out. There are paintings and needlework that need to be hung. All this is from my Austin house and former office. IRS hard to consolidate.
I should just sleep outside. These guys do.
So I do need to rearrange things, remove what isn’t meaningful to me, and get the house back in order. Oh, and remove magazines that have been read so others can enjoy them.
But there will still be “clutter,” just organized into collections.
It’s too cold for daily birds, but I did see a lot of woodpeckers flying around today. After tonight, the Arctic air will head off and we will be back to more normal winter weather.
The dogs do like the weather.
I’m still waiting for my yarn to arrive so I can do these extra cold days on the temperature blanket. Yes. Last year’s blanket is now “clutter” until I can attach the segments and photograph it. Soon!
First, center yourself by meditating on the whorling shape of this red-stemmed stork’s-bill.
Okay, now read on.
Today someone who knows very well how to get under my defenses said something that I took as a passive aggressive swipe at me, the kind that on the surface seems innocuous enough, but stings. I mentioned it to my spouse, who said maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Maybe I was looking for a swipe.
I thought about it.
Then I remembered the time my neighbor cut me off for saying something mean to another neighbor that I hadn’t intended to be mean at all. I remembered the letter that our general contractor’s wife wrote to me about a set of issues she perceived in me (I’ve blotted them out of my mind). I remember the letter my ex-boyfriend wrote to tell me to stop writing him and bragging about buying a car and a house, etc. None of those things I intended the way they were interpreted. But their biases toward me were negative, so they interpreted my actions negatively.
Looking in the mirror of how people misunderstood me because they wanted to made me realize I might be doing the same. I’d learned this lesson before and have been tryingjj to interpret the person I’ve always known to be passive aggressive to me as if their intentions were good. I just fell into a decades-old pattern. I will now reset and do my best to go back to assuming good intentions, like I’ve always strived to.
Sometimes you just need a reminder to see that you’re falling off the path you want to follow. There are a couple of people in my life I’m going to work harder not to have a negative bias toward. That’s a resolution for the coming year that I can get behind.
How about you?
On that note, I’ll plod off into the sunset on my small but magnificent steed.
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
Since I have had a poor mental health day, I’ll just answer by telling you that horses are expensive to maintain. I’d say the three most expensive things I’ve ever bought that weren’t buildings or vehicles have been the three horse saddles I’ve bought.
That’s the most costly one. Cost 5X as much as the horse (before expensive training).
However, they are comfortable for the horses and beautiful, too. A lot of saving was involved for each. I can also lift them. That’s important for older riders.
The second costliest. This horse was “free.” Now his meds cost more than mine.
No riding today. It’s too muddy. So I walked the horses and pondered a bur removal campaign. At least Apache likes his medicine and asks for me to take burs out (sticks his head in the right position).
This splotchy cow resembles Apache with no burs.
Otherwise, today I heard seven kinds of sparrows and even photographed one, along with turkey vultures and great egrets.
Lark sparrow Amusing head-on viewBonus cardinal Heron 1Heron 2Vultures on a mission
The birds seem to like the damp, cool weather judging by how many were out this morning.
That’s a lot of birds
I’m just feeling really weird. Is it anxiety? Too much salty food? Dehydration? Medication side effect? Being an empath? I may get checked tomorrow in case it’s blood pressure or something. I’m not having an emergency, just feeling unbalanced.
The Hermits' Rest 