illness – Page 3 – The Hermits' Rest

I Found Help Online

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

An easy one! The last thing I looked for was the tele-health service for my insurance. I rarely use such things, so I can’t remember their names.

Once I found it, I already had a login, so it was easy to get in queue and talk online to someone. I’ve done it twice now, and was very happy to give a $20 copay. Certainly, it was better than trying to get to an ER or urgent care in an unfamiliar location.

Yay, flowers. I can’t smell very well but I can see colors.

I don’t have many nature stories today. I only went on one short walk, where I didn’t run into anyone. It was nice to breathe fresh air. I also sat on the balcony some.

Much of the day I worked, but I fell asleep twice. The Paxlovid is helping, but it sure leaves a weird iron taste in your mouth. It also gave me strange dreams like where I kept finding really cool animals and birds, but couldn’t make my phone take pictures (because it needed film, lol). I remember the cutest bats with round smiling faces, and teeny tiny hummingbirds swarming around. Wherever I was had lots of wildlife! Thanks, brain.

I did get checked on by various friends and family members, so I didn’t feel lonely. I’m hoping my Covid symptoms are much better tomorrow. Lots of work is ahead and I’d sorta like to have some fun!

Can We Live Long and Prosper?

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

Today’s question has been on my mind lately since there have been a lot of deaths in my circle, and I’ve been a close observer of the stress, pain, and hard decisions loved ones have to go through.

One of our blog family lost her husband yesterday, which hits hard. But I’m glad she has the support of many close friends who’ve gone through this before, and she has supportive family. Sometimes, when no one you know has been through such a loss, you can feel so alone and lost, and it hits you so hard.

So, do we want to live very long lives? No matter when we pass away, we will leave sad people behind to treasure memories. I wish I had more of them with my mom, who died when I was 26. I coped poorly but was glad she was out of her mental and physical pain.

As long as I’m in reasonable health, can enjoy nature and my community, and am not a burden to others, I’d prefer to live a long life. I’m just curious about how we humans are going to handle things in the coming 30 or 40 years. And I’d love to continue contributing to society and becoming more wise.

Yet, if I were chronically ill with constant pain or costing my family so much that I was a financial burden, I’d have no problems with letting go. It would be interesting to see what’s next for the energy that brings me life.

I can honestly say that I empathize with anyone who decides they are “done” and don’t keep pushing forward in old age, and I can see not wanting to give up. And I have seen for myself how quickly you can go from fighting to dignified surrender when the time comes.

This made no sense, I’m afraid, but it helped me to write it. I do want to live long and prosper, though!

Love to all of you who are struggling. I am here for you if you need me.

When Your Furry Family Member Gets You Angsty

Describe a family member.

I didn’t realize the prompt today would fit with what I wanted to write about today. But it does. I’ve had some of the worst anxiety symptoms and bad dreams I’ve had in years since Friday. Ugh. I get strong chest pains, tightness in my head with ringing sounds, and weakness in my legs. None of this is pleasant. At least my anti-anxiety meds work most of the time!

But, it turns out that, while I only get moderately stressed out about the numerous health issues in my immediate family, a sick horse throws me for a loop. And by the way, he’s no sicker now than he was last week, but knowing something was wrong got me full time of worry, angst, anxiety…and guilt.

I guess I’m unhappy to find out that Apache’s blood test results were extra bad (like 400 where high normal is 40) for ACTH. This means that, as we’ve always suspected, he has PPID or Cushing’s desease. The link tells you what the tests he took were, and we’re from the place doing the testing. His insulin wasn’t bad, which is good news.

Don’t panic. Medicine is on order that will reduce his symptoms and make him feel much better, though it won’t fix his endocrine system, which has probably been bad his whole life. We’ve just been managing the heck out of his symptoms.

Why have I been so upset? It’s because this furry family member has meant so much to me. He’s the first horse I learned to take care of and to ride, so he’s dealt with all my learning experiences and mistakes. Conversely, I’ve dealt with all his issues and idiosyncrasies, along with his curiosity, eagerness to learn, humor, and patience.

Don’t forget my beauty, other than the furry coat and sweating.

He and I each have our challenges, but we’ve stuck together through bad feet, poor horsemanship, anxiety (both of us), and changes. And in the past year or so, we’ve finally become a real team and started having fun. There’s been a lot of growth going on for both of us.

So Friday, when I found out the vet was supposed to have sent me those test results but I didn’t have them, and I got the impression they were bad, no amount of me telling myself that getting upset wouldn’t change things worked. I just fell apart and got mentally dysfunctional. I mean, internally. I did all my stuff and acted fine. I just hurt inside. I care so much about my animals.

I was mainly feeling bad that I didn’t get the testing done earlier, like I’ve let him suffer needlessly. I was concentrating so hard on his feet, muscles, and diet that I missed this. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to get haltered some days, or why he gets squirrelly on rides…blah blah blah. I’m just making stuff up at this point, but I guess that’s what you do when you think you could have helped but didn’t.

My hope it’s that by talking about my relationship with my Paint/Arab companion of lo these many years I’ll help myself feel better. He will be on his way to feeling better as soon as those meds arrive, and we’ll take it from there.

I’ll remember good stuff like hearing the sandhill cranes migrating overhead.

We will both be fine, especially if folks treat us kindly and gently. I don’t need to be made to feel worse with a bunch of, “Why didn’t you…?” And “You should have…” stuff. I just need ways to move forward and live the rest of our time together positively and happily. The horses and my inner circle are what keep me going!

Resources

Equine Cushing’s and Testing

Equine Endocrinology

No Fun Being Sickly

Nope. It ain’t fun. But at least I diagnosed myself correctly!

So, my thyroid numbers were low and my metabolism was, shall we say, sloth-like. I had a low heart rate, was tired a lot, etc. So the Physicians Assistant I go to started me on medication, the standard dosage. Starting about five weeks ago, I took it correctly every morning before eating, and was proud of myself.

About two weeks ago, I started having a sore throat. I chalked it up to allergens or something. When the time came to renew the prescription, I wrote the PA and mentioned the sore throat, in case it might be my thyroid. He said it was probably just what was going around.

What I knew was that I’d experienced an inflammation in my thyroid before. I was trying to prove to my kids’ dad that I could be all thin and athletic. I rode my fancy bike every day and impressed myself with my weight loss. I looked hot, for me. But I had a sore throat. Sure enough it wasn’t just the exercise making me lose weight. It was my thyroid going into overdrive. Dang.

I got all fixed up from that and was ok and thin (but not athletic enough to keep the spouse). Then I started experiencing horrible and weird pains (while the spouse was off cycling in the Italian Alps and meeting his buff future wife). It turned out the sudden weight loss had broken my gall bladder. It was not my best year. At least the spouse waited to move out until I recuperated from removing it. I appreciate that!

The point behind this trip up and down the Alps of memory lane is that I know what an inflamed thyroid feels like. That’s now established, as well as my lack of bile regulation.

Last night I had trouble sleeping, so I decided my throat pain was probably not some virus. I peered into it with my phone flashlight and didn’t see signs of strep. So I went back to the local clinic.

Thankfully, the other practitioner listened to me. She also felt my throat. That hurt. But yes! I DO have thyroiditis. The plan is to reduce the dose of the thyroid hormone so I won’t be a sloth but I won’t be zipping around either.

I’ll go back next week to reevaluate my precious glands. If it isn’t better, I get an ultrasound.

Hurry up, Mabel. She wants to exercise me.

Send me good vibes! I do not enjoy being sick. It’s been really hard trying to get the horses exercise, between the heat and the pain. They are sweet and patient as we do maneuvers at a walk on the hard, cracked dirt. But we aren’t exactly having fun.

I’m not having fun and you aren’t even riding me.

I do feel vindicated. I was not being a hysterical woman. I really am a bit out of whack (physically). We know I’m a pretty whacky person mentally!

One or More Seasonal Miracles

What an interesting day it’s been! Interesting animal health news abounded, and animals impressed me, too. I’m just going to start with the actual seasonal miracle. Well, you may recall me saying we’d lost our hen, Betty, the Americauna who laid light brown eggs. I said that because when I checked on her between rain storms, she was lifelessly laying in a puddle.

I was reminded that life is as ephemeral as a dandelion puff.

I didn’t put her in a plastic bag to be disposed of, because of the rain. Next time I checked, I realized she was still alive, though she hadn’t moved. Yesterday, when I did my evening check, she’d moved. What?

Birds are mysterious. Ask any swallow. They are weird, like me. So swoopy.

This morning when I went in, she’d moved again, and I saw her move around. I mentioned to someone that I could swear she was actually better. But how? She was really looking bad for a few days, and was soaked. Nonetheless, when I got home from horse training today, after being given up for dead for three days, there was Betty.

So, her name is Not Dead Betty from now on. Who knows what was wrong? Did she have a virus? An impacted egg? A cold? I just cannot believe this miracle of rebirth. How seasonal!

Take a break to enjoy a bee so engorged with pollen that it was acting inebriated. I tapped the flower and it finally drug itself out of the pollen paradise.

So, What Else?

Well, there’s good news and bad news in the horse department.

Good: I was able to get Drew groomed today, with just a few clods of dirt left in his mane. He’s all soft and smooth now.
Bad: Apache seemed ok in grooming, but when we got to Tarrin’s, his back was all bloody. Drew was biting him in the trailer. No wonder the trailer was rocking all the way there (which took extra long, of course, thanks to having to get gas, hitting every traffic light, AND being blocked by a train again.)
Bad: Apache seems to be all inflamed for some reason. His lymph nodes are all puffy. Tarrin thinks it’s allergies from all the new rich grass and pollen. He gets to stay in the pens during the day for a while to work on it, and he will need lots of exercise (that’s good).
Good: Drew was amazingly better at this week’s lesson, even with no riding in the past week. It was like watching a different horse, and riding him was actually fun! That was a miracle to me. Both Tarrin and I needed positive horse experiences today, so hooray.

His back did NOT look like that when he got into the trailer

I was relieved that Drew was doing so well today and paying attention to me so well. I am equally concerned that Apache is having his issues flaring up. I hope we have caught the inflammation in time to get him back on track. When one of your animals is sick, it’s like your child is ill. I’ll just hug on him and dote on him and let him eat hay all day.

We just all need to sit outside and breathe a while.

There were all sorts of other things going on here, none of which are my stories to tell, but I’m glad we all have each other to support one another around here. If you have any to spare, send vibes out to my family, okay?

It’s spring in Texas. Those of us not allergic can just enjoy the green grass, blooming flowers, and changing weather.

American Rural Health Care, You Stink

I have spent the past two days trying to get a chest x-ray, you know, because my chest is full of fluid and probably horrible fungal growth. I am concerned, you see. I am beginning to see why people just use the emergency room as their primary healthcare provider, because trying to AVOID such things and not go into debt over a cough is a pain (in my chest and brain).

So, I went to the nice little clinic in my home town that is not affiliated with the corporate mega-system I am not fond of. They said yep, my lungs are rattling and wheezing, so I needed a chest x-ray to help diagnose. I also got blood work, after two tries, because Worker A probably had never drawn blood out of a living human and left my arm looking like this:

Worker B then arrived and took the four endless vials of blood out of the other arm. Sigh. I won’t know if I have the fungal infection or other issue until the lab results come in. So, merrily I cough along.

Merrily coughing at sunset, when normally I’d be horsing around

I was so short of breath yesterday that I didn’t dare try to groom the horses or ride them, though I did sit and look at them while they ate, then spent a long time just hanging out with Apache and massaging his poll (top of head), since he asked for it.

The others were busy scarfing up leftovers

Anyway, of course the nice little clinic doesn’t have its own radiology department, so I consented to go to the only place in town that has a machine, which is operated by the company I am not fond of. When I arrived with my paperwork in hand, they informed me that their x-ray machine is broken. I could go to another town to another of their facilities, but I declined.

Goldie backed me up. She doesn’t like crowded scary places, either.

This started me on a health care odyssey to get an x-ray elsewhere. By noon today, I’d made six phone calls, left numerous messages, got many corrected phone numbers, and lost my patience. Usually I’m a fairly patient patient, but I didn’t feel very well, as I soldiered along recording myself talk and pausing to breathe a lot.

Let’s take a break and enjoy all the henbit that’s blooming right now. It will get mowed soon, so I’m enjoying it while I can.

Finally, after I’d gotten irritated enough to get in the car and drive back to the clinic to try to talk to someone in person, they called to say they’d faxed my orders to a place that was associated with my OLD doctors in Austin. Soon they actually called and said it had gotten through.

Did I make it to Temple, Texas in record time? Of course not. I got behind a very strange-looking semi-truck that plodded along at 60 in 70 mph zones, trailing up to twelve cars. Thankfully, they pulled over at a turn and let us all go free.

I thanked my lucky stars, as well as the moon, Jupiter, and Venus.

The place I went was clean, spacious, and NOT crowded. though a little hard to find. The facility did please me. How long did the x-ray take after spending 20 minutes filling out paperwork? I’d say 65 seconds. Now, let’s see if I get any results from all the testing and perhaps get treatment. That would be nice. I just do NOT want to get sick enough to go to a hospital. I really don’t like hospitals and all their germs.

I just wish we had our old local hospital back, where you could get an x-ray and labs, and get looked at quickly. However, it’s now the county office building. Rural health care in the US is sad. I can’t imagine how it would have been if I didn’t have insurance.

I promise happier news in the next post.

Spring Can Be Sickening

Spring is in the air, at last. The weather is becoming warmer (perhaps too warm for February, but never mind – it’s nice for riding horses), birds are migrating north, and the days are getting longer. All those things are welcome to everyone who had to deal with the harsh surprises the ice storm brought.

I was happy to see that the cranes are now back in the skies, going the other way, and the killdeer have come back. Meadowlarks are also making themselves very well known.

All the tiny spring flowers are blooming, which you can see if you do “belly botany” like my botanist friend always recommended. It’s so good to see them.

While uploading some of the photos I took to iNaturalist, I took the time to see if one of my theories about what’s growing on our grassy areas was true. Sure enough, chickweed is so named because it’s used as chicken feed. It’s even grown as a crop in some places! Common Chickweed (Stellaria media) is darned interesting for a “weed.”

It is native to Eurasia and naturalized throughout the world. This species is used as a cooling herbal remedy, and grown as a vegetable crop and ground cover for both human and poultry consumption.
Stellaria media is edible and nutritious, and is used as a leaf vegetable, often raw in salads. It is one of the ingredients of the symbolic dish consumed in the Japanese spring-time festival, Nanakusa-no-sekku.
iNaturalist

I feel a lot better, because for the past few weeks I’d been feeding it to the chickens along with the henbit I’d read was good for them to eat (and whatever else comes up when I pull it up). They eat it like crazy.

Speaking of the hens, they also know it’s spring. Everyone has grown all their feathers back nicely, even Blondie, who had been bald on her back from the rooster’s attentions. And Betsy, the one who lays blue eggs, has ramped up production again. I think half the chickens are laying now (at least two of them are old enough that I don’t think they’ll lay at all). For a while I was just getting one or two a day, a white and a tan, but now I’m getting three…maybe up to five with the coming of spring.

The other great thing about spring coming is that the days are getting longer. That means I can get rides in on both horses after I finish work, which may help out with the fact that I’m not feeling very confident lately, especially with Drew, who is needing a lot of “firm corrections” as Tarrin calls them (he rushes rather than walking beside me when he sees grass, and just seems irritable). I am glad I can spend more time with my equine buddies, nonetheless.

So, why do I say spring is sickening? It turns out that I made myself sick when I was cleaning out the henhouse last week.

Let this be a lesson to you all: when you are sweeping up bits of hay and straw filled with chicken poop, wear a mask. I did not.

Thanks to that error in judgment, I now seem to have some kind of lung infection. I found myself wheezing and gurgling when lying down a couple of days ago, and since then, my lungs seem to be filled with fluid. At first it was clear, so I wasn’t too worried, but it’s getting worse, so I have an appointment to get my lungs looked at. Since I have NO other symptoms of illness (COVID negative, before you ask), all I can figure is I inhaled things that displeased my bronchial tubes.

The horses say I should spend more time in the fresh air with them.

Now, I live in Milam County, Texas, land of few medical services. I had an appointment for this morning, but it turns out the Internet is down at the local office. That’s so Cameron. I might be able to get in today in the next town over if my PA goes over there; otherwise, I have to cram an appointment with the other provider in tomorrow (my busiest day of the week), amid getting my spouse to the chiropractor for his messed up back, taking him to his Rotary meeting, and grabbing lunch with my friends. I predict all of that won’t happen.

So, readers: wear a mask when working in a dusty, enclosed environment like a chicken house. Or don’t ever clean it (not a good idea, since it gets stinky).

Autumn of Life Is Here

When the fall color arrives here in the middle of Texas, it’s subtle, and you don’t see it coming. I love this season and take comfort in the quiet beauty of our cedar elms and oaks as they prepare to lose their leaves for the winter.

Today dawned sunny and crisp, but not cold. It was a welcome relief to see the sun for the first time in many days, and even more welcome was the sight of the new pond finally completely full and draining to the other side of the dam. After four cloudy, drizzly days, we had a large front move through overnight that brought enough rain to fill the drought-parched tanks for the first time since last spring. I guess the drought is over, at last.

The way this season has crept up reminds me of how I’ve been moving into the autumn of my life and not realizing it. I’ve been lucky to be very healthy since we came out to the Hermits’ Rest and have been growing stronger and more capable thanks to working with the horses and other animals.

But this illness that came up last week has been a very unsubtle reminder that I’m not a young person anymore. A cold that I’d usually just power through over a few days has made me weak and tired. I didn’t expect that at all. I keep trying to go out and get things done, only to feel worse and fall asleep for a few hours. I’m not bouncing back.

I am glad that it’s been so wet and muddy out, because it the weather had been good, I know I’d have been trying to force myself out to work with Drew, who needs me on him and working with him. But our working area is a little lake right now, and I am barely able to maneuver across the muck to get the food buckets for the poor horses. (They are not suffering; in fact, I think they are enjoying the pleasant temperatures and the abundant hay.)

And the horses have puddles to stomp in.

As I’m pulling myself out of the depression episode and feeling my mortality more than usual, it’s taking effort to not go into reflective mode and dwell on goals not achieved, mistakes made, and errors unaddressed. The sun’s helping me remind myself that I’m still able to learn new things, be kind to those who’ll accept kindness, and forgive others.

I should do more looking at reflections and less reflecting. This is the creek, with water at last.

While it’s true that I notice my memory failing and don’t know how much longer I’ll be a useful member of society, I do have confidence that no matter what, I’ll be able to enjoy each new autumn when it arrives. It may just be different from now on as I go from the autumn to the winter of life.

Heat. Sick.

Feeling bad today. Stomach stress and literally falling asleep randomly. No COVID, so my social life didn’t kill me. Glad for those free test kits. I think I’ve just tried to do too much outside the past few days.

I’m sure I’ll be better tomorrow. At least I picked colors for our next renovation project and look forward to a bigger project coming soon. More details soon!

Why I couldn’t take a nap. Four howling dogs and one trying to escape. Look at Alfred!

It really needs to rain here. Even with the pool, it’s getting to us all. The horses just stand in the shade. The dogs lay around the house. The people do their best. I just feel icky. Sleep should do the trick, and electrolytes.

Creature of the Day. Large wolf spider. Now outdoors.

Horse Home but Not Happy

Drew’s stay in the equine ICU was not his idea of a good time. He was in a weird smelling place, though at least he had a buddy there. And oh, the indignity, they made him wear a muzzle that prevented him from eating the shavings on the floor. What’s a hungry boy to do?

I didn’t take pictures of his sad state, so here’s the lobby of the place.

The caregivers did great. His lungs look a bit worse, so he has to cone back next week. Glad it’s only 40 minutes away.

Here’s where he stayed. It’s a separate ICU and treatment building.

Drew was happy to get out of there. I was not surprised at the bill, but yow. We went home with stomach coating stuff in pill form that he is supposed to take 8 of, three times a day. He also has medication to keep him calm and antibiotics. I have to feed him probiotics, too. That I already had. Argh. This will be a learning curve!

At least we had a nice sunset, though it might have been caused by all the awful fires.

We got him home late, but I gave him some goopy food that he loved. He has to be in his pen for a week. He will not like that. Poor Droodles.

This morning was challenging. I tried to crush his pills in the food processor but I apparently don’t know how to work it. The blender worked, though, so I made it up and took it to his muddy pen.

My main learning is that I need to put a halter on him to hold his head, and that a helper would sure be useful. Too bad there isn’t one! I ended up sorta getting him to lick it off my hand. He’s so sweet. Sigh. I have to give that stuff, then feed an hour later. Moral: glad I work from home.

I’m sure I’ll get better at all this. And the sun is out after another stormy night. Rain is good!

Animals are hard.

Horses are expensive.

I love Drew.