dailyprompt – Page 5 – The Hermits' Rest

Job Woes of the Past

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

First, even though my job is ending earlier than expected this Friday, I’m not overly upset, panicked, or blaming myself. Why’s that? It’s because of what appeared to be a horrible failure at the time, and certainly the nadir of my working years (that’s saying a lot, since I had a couple of workplaces implode under me). I think maybe some of you readers might learn something from this experience, and since I’m retiring, I can share how I screwed up. (If I’ve already told this story, well, here it is again.)

Back when Lee and I were first together, we went through a spell of job challenges. A great long-term contract at 3M fell through because their business was talking, and all I could get were short-term gigs after that. Meanwhile, Lee also lost his job at Dell. I had two children in school, one heading to college, so it was all a bit scary.

I hit a spell where nothing was coming up, so I took the first job where they would hire me. The salary was very low, and the people I interviewed with seemed more interested in getting a body in a seat than my qualifications. But it was at the University of Texas, so I had dreams of security and a pension dancing in my head.

I ended up in a miniature cubicle in the UT Tower (where famous murders occurred) working with an accounting software package that was still housed in its original mainframe and had an ASCII UI. Two of the people I interviewed with had already left by the time I started, and from the first day on, three of the women in the group disliked me. I did my best to learn the system so I could provide help to callers, but even when I did know an answer, they told me I didn’t answer questions right. I needed to stop empathizing with users and stop assuring them their questions were legit, because this accounting software was GREAT and should only be praised for its greatness. It got more and more stressful every day, and to top it all off, I rode a bus at the crack of dawn and at rush hour going home, because I couldn’t get parking. I barely saw my family.

My office was behind one of those windows. Photo by Brixiv on Pexels.com

I kept trying, though, took extra education, got help from and assisted the one or two nice folks, then lost the only really nice coworker, who left for a better department. That should have been my hint to flee.

I remember it sounded like snakes hissing as the Mean Girls complained about me and tapped away carping about me in chats. The boss was even worse. She was some Dean of something and told me I was a big disappointment and offended my coworkers by mentioning I’d been a stay-at-home mother, but I promised to do my best to meet the decrepit accounting software support needs. It was like hell in a tiny tower. I started shaking all day. I couldn’t have done a good job if I tried.

Finally the time came for my 90-day review. The Dean just ripped me a new one, informing me how unqualified I was, how bad I was at user support, and such (they could not complain about my writing!). Here’s the worst part. Did I get up and walk out of there? No. I begged and pleaded with this awful woman, saying I needed to work or my children would lose their home. I honestly thought that is what was going to happen…I was going to fail to pay the mortgage and we’d be evicted.

It was a long bus ride home. Photo by David Geib on Pexels.com

Of course that didn’t happen. But I was so disheartened and down on myself that applying for other jobs was hell. Why would anyone want to hire such a poor worker? I went on unemployment, which at least fed us, and then, sure enough, opportunities arose. I did a bad job teaching Excel for a while (I did fine with Word–I’m not a numbers person), then started on the upswing when I got a GOOD contract for REAL money with people who became lifelong friends. But it was a SLOG getting my confidence back.

That experience taught me that no job is worth debasing yourself for. Yes, we need to work to pay bills and all that, but jobs exist. The next time someone started treating me like a pariah and making work torture, I left. Now? I’m not going to work unless it’s something I enjoy doing with people who are reasonable business folks. Mean Girls/Boys and power-hungry backstabbers won’t get a chance ever again.

I’ll write more about this tomorrow, but I’ve been touched by many kind birthday wishes. It reminds me I’m loved and cared for.

Keeping Up the Hard Work

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.

That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.

To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.

Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.

Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.

I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.

The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.

We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!

No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!

Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.

And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.

In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.

Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.

PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.

I’m Ashamed to Admit This

What is your favorite drink?

It’s my biggest vice, because it has no health benefits at all and still I drink it almost every day. It’s Coke Zero. I love it. I allow myself no more than one can a day, I promise.

My other favorite non-alcoholic beverages have at least some positive aspects. I also drink coffee daily, Folgers Colombian. I like it with milk. Most of the time I use creamer, though (another useless beverage). I tried to be a fancy coffee person but I just like what I like. I’ll drink most anything and enjoy trying new flavors and the occasional espresso.

My favorite healthy beverage is mango juice or limeade. Both tend to be so sweet, though.

I do drink alcohol, though I’ve cut down a lot. I like all kinds of wine, amber beer (Negra Modela), and bourbon. A bourbon Old Fashioned makes me very happy. Just one.

I had many Old Fashioned photos to choose from on my camera

I love food prepared simply and don’t snack much unless someone brings Doritos in the house (not much going for them, other than corn and some cheese). I guess since I eat pretty well, get a good amount of exercise, and am at a good weight for me, I can have one shameful beverage a day.

Alfred is back to sleeping on his outdoor couch now that it’s above 20° outside.

These days, we should find joy wherever we can. My Columbian coffee might not be available soon, so I’ll enjoy it along with that Coke Zero.

Back to Deep Thoughts tomorrow.

Enthusiastic about Enthusiasts

Who are your favorite people to be around?

Great question, prompt writers! I have a response.

Tonight I attended the Master Naturalist training class on birds for this year. I was supposed to have a horse lesson, but it was canceled due to the nasty cold and winds. Thus, I did my other option and I’m glad I did.

Suna learned how we birds breathe and what our “wishbones” do.

The speaker was brilliant, a gifted teacher and master birder. Those in our group who feel like we know birds were learning so many details we didn’t want it to stop! (Okay, probably my friend Ann knew most of the stuff.) I’m very glad to have spent four hours learning from him.

He mentioned that woodpeckers have fat around their brains to protect them from all that pecking action.

What struck me as relevant to today’s topic was that he talked about how great it is to love birds, because anyone you meet will have a bird story. Birds give strangers a common topic to start out on (or stay with). It rang so true for me as I think back on how many interesting people I’ve met while birding on camping trips. I guess my favorite people are those with a passion to share.

We learned shore birds aren’t usually territorial. They have plenty to eat.

But it’s not just birds. I find horses often lead to great conversations, and when you meet a fellow equestrian, you practically have to force yourselves to stop talking. I have to also love horse people. Heck. Enthusiasts of all kinds can be most enthusiastic!

Finding common ground may save us if we make the effort. We all have things in common if we take the time to look for them.

I bet you have a bird story or two you could share with me!

Old, Parents, Worries

What were your parents doing at your age?

I’m still feeling old and irrelevant, just like my cousin J. And I’m incredibly sad to be watching my sweet Great Dane, Goldie, swiftly declining. Cancer is just awful. It makes me hesitant to have another giant dog.

And cancer is why I can’t tell you what my mother was doing at my age (pushing 67). She’d been dead four years, thanks to her nicotine addiction. I wish she’d had a less addictive personality. I know she loved us.

I was born, born in the 50s. I already look concerned.

When Dad was 66 I think he was at his happiest. If my memory is correct, he’d met my stepmother and was having fun hanging with friends, traveling, and working in his beloved flower gardens. What a contrast. Dad was great taking care of Mom. He deserved a time to have fun. (He married Flo, a woman just like quirky Mom only without addictions, so he had challenges later!) I loved my dad so much. What a great, flawed, very human human being he was.

Things sure are different for me. My parents grew more prosperous and felt safer as they aged. Boomers like me had no idea what they’d be in for as they grew older. This is not the future I’d envisioned.

Thanks to everyone who’s been reaching out. Knowing I have kind people in my life is a source of comfort.

An Ideal Suna Day

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

I wasn’t going to write again today, but the prompt cheered me up. I enjoyed pretending I could have an ideal day again. I could do this day if I had enough money to maintain this lavish lifestyle. It’s not really lavish, just maintaining what we have now, which I doubt will happen. Wait I was cheered up there for a minute. Hold on.

There is a new day, every day, until there isn’t

So, I would wake up around 7:30, meditate, and do morning journaling over coffee, preferably on the porch. Of course I’d feed my many happy chickens. Next I’d walk all over the property looking for interesting plants and birds. I’d get at least 50 birds on Merlin (which I did yesterday!).

I’d come in and check email and, it being my ideal day, I would not read my usual news. Lunch time would roll around and I would go to town and eat with one or more of my friends, maybe at somewhere not Mexican for a change. We would say kind things to each other and laugh at funny stories.

This looks remarkably like today’s tacos but is from Pexels

Heading home, I’d spend quality time with the horses, not just Apache. I’d groom and exercise one of the others, feed them all, then ride Apache and practice our skills. We would take a little walk around, just for fun and he’d be fine with that.

After the horses, I’d go swimming or hang around on the patio chatting with Lee and any other present family members, followed by a dinner that I didn’t cook. Maybe it would just be cheese and crackers if lunch was big enough. We would watch a movie or television show that was funny or educational. I would knit or crochet through that part.

Yes, I’d add some fruit. Probably not wine, since I’m drinking less.

I’d go upstairs, get ready for bed, then blog and/or read. Carlton would hop up and join me in snoozing.

Ah, that sounds good! My ideal day is peaceful and calm. It’s relatively stress free (only fun stress allowed).

I did many of the things in the ideal day today, but I also worked and stressed over world events. Sigh. I’m spending much time these days just watching, observing, and trying to understand what’s happening. I’m trying to listen more than I speak. And I’m trying to be useful.

Yes, my ideal day is at home. I probably also have an ideal travel day!

Raising a Complaint?

What do you complain about the most?

I try not to complain, but I do it. Someone who has to live with me might have a different answer, but my assertion is that I complain most about the dogs barking and running outside at the slightest noise when I’m trying to watch television. It is so loud. At least now that we stream, it’s possible to pause.

When not barking all night, Goldie is cute.

Okay, I asked Lee and he said I complain most about the new occupant of the White House. He claims he complains most about the same guy I complain about, and also the death of customer service. I like that answer.

What I can’t complain about is Connie Gobbler. She’s all grown up now, I guess, because she laid her first egg today! And it does look like it has the measles!

Of course I sent a picture to Heather, who gave her to me, and to her namesake, Connie. The egg is no bigger than Cindy-Cathy’s eggs, but future eggs should be bigger.

I’m not complaining about the weather, either. We got an inch of rain, and I can tell the ponds are more full. We still need more, though.

A New Avian Relationship

What relationships have a positive impact on you?

Sure, my relationships with many people have had a positive impact on me. But I don’t know how well I’d be doing right now if I didn’t have my relationships with animals.

Many humans have forged strong positive bonds with their dogs and cats, as have I. Our animal companions give as well as take love and more. Just being with our pack and seeing them interact makes me happy.

Goldie’s relationship with us is very special.

And the horses also have had a huge positive effect on me, as well as leading to some angst and doubt. But no relationship is 100% positive! I’m just glad to have the chance to be a part of the lives of these very different animals.

I think I was under the impression that humans didn’t really have relationships with birds, at least for much of my life. Birds were (and wild birds still are) for observing and keeping my distance.

After getting chickens, I began to see their distinct personalities and let myself get attached to them, which is why losing all my flock but Bianca was so hard. I really was attached to Bertie Lee and her friends.

I’m enjoying Bianca’s new friends, especially Clint, who is the friendliest of the current chickens.

But I’m trying to not let myself get smitten by our newest bird, Connie 182 Gobbler. She’s a turkey, a white meat turkey. 182 was one of a dozen turkeys my friend Heather’s son raised for FFA this fall. She was always very friendly and cuddly, even as a chick (poult).

I told Heather I’d take her when show season was over, since she was too small to show, but so sweet.

Today was the day of delivery, which had to be very confusing for 182. She had never left the barn before, never seen grass, etc. then she rode in the back of a truck! Then she was in a weird place where people kept trying to make her eat and drink.

We wanted to be sure she was okay. Um, and pet her.

Heather explains that she will like it here.

After doting on 182 and telling her that her name was now Connie (in honor of my friend whose mother said her face looked like a turkey egg when she had the measles), we left her alone. The first time I checked she was still in the coop, but walking around and eating chicken seed.

When I went to feed the horses I looked over and saw something large and white in the chicken run. It was Connie! She was walking in the part that used to have a bunch of plants in it when we only had Bianca and she was outside. That turkey was taste testing everything. She discovered millet on the stalk, wild melons, and burs. It was so much fun seeing her act like a wild turkey.

The chickens aren’t acting too upset, but they stay on whatever side of the pen Connie is not pecking away in. I’ll be interested to see if they develop their own positive relationship.

I’m completely charmed by Connie, myself. She’s so soft and warm, and she has such big eyes. I hope she sticks around!

Sporting Fun

If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?

I’d start a coed flag football team whose mascot is an angry vole, and their colors are periwinkle and butter yellow.

This image is better, but periwinkle didn’t happen.

Timely Political Question

How have your political views changed over time?

My political views haven’t changed much, though as I learn new information, there have been slight moves one way or another. My basic point of view is that I’d like everyone to have meaningful work, live somewhere safe and comfortable, and to be their authentic selves. I want people to be free from violence and to practice whatever spiritual path is meaningful in their culture. Old hippie me.

Over the years I’ve grown less fond of wars and bigotry, though I didn’t like them from the start. I have, however, come to respect the rights of people who want to live differently from me. I just can’t figure out how those of us who want to eliminate other religions or political groups can live with the people who don’t. It’s that paradox of tolerance everyone was talking about not too long ago.

Makes me want to fly away, like this guy.

Since I’ve always enjoyed meeting people from different places, cultures, and backgrounds, I know that everyone believes they are correct, and I think it’s worthwhile to take the perspective of people who differ from me. That’s been my focus lately. So, my political views have not shifted much, I am gaining insight into how people come to such radically different conclusions from me.

Or I could move far south like these Sandhill Cranes. They’re running late.

Currently I’m figuring out what will keep me relatively stable as I observe how the USA and other countries handle things. I’ll continue to do what I actually can do to help when I can.

Laughing at this guy helps. He’s chowing down on the food he’d rejected two minutes earlier, after realizing another horse wanted it. All that cantering works up an appetite.

Anyway, the weather has been weird, hot to cold rain to sunny to calm to windy. We lucked out and missed the latest round of unseasonable tornadoes. It feels like I’m living in science fiction from my childhood.