Fame and Gratitude

If you could meet a historical figure, who would it be and why?

Yow. This is hard! I came up with the Buddha, because I’d like to have learned from him. I’d also have enjoyed talking to Eleanor Roosevelt. I’d love her perspective on the choices she made in life and to experience her intelligence in person.

Unretouched sunset

Really, though, regular people can be just as interesting as famous people. It would be interesting to talk to some of my ancestors in the Middle Ages in England, just to see what life was really like for women then.

Did they listen to birds or were they too busy trying to survive?

Okay, so it was US Thanksgiving, two years since my sister walked out and never spoke to me again. I have so many weird memories of this holiday, but I still love it. I miss cooking with someone.

You can see birds better now that leaves are off.

Today most of our usual dinner companions were dealing with pressing matters elsewhere, so it was just me, Lee, Anita, and my son. But it was pleasant, fairly relaxed (other than not being able to find a blender or even a potato masher to puree corn).

Table set with random things.

I messed up my own cranberry sauce recipe by adding lime oil (bad idea), but everything else was tasty, even the turkey I just stuck in the oven and cooked. Desserts were great, too. Anita made a lovely cranberry bread with fresh pecans from her neighborhood trees.

Food.

The best part of the evening was just sitting around and talking after dinner and a little concertina concert from my son, who found the instrument under some stairs in a building he’s renovating. Anyway, we all just went from humor to serious conversation, and I think we all had a good time. I’m very grateful for the chance to have relaxed conversations with people I love.

Rainbow after we ate.

So all is well, even though our minds were on family and friends who are struggling.

Daily Bird

I’ll say today’s bird is the loggerhead shrike. I enjoy them bellowing from the electric wires and leaving insects stuck on the fences. They’re such fierce little guys. I enjoyed watching this one today.

Shrieking shrike

I’m glad we have such interesting birds here!

Is It Instinct?

Do you trust your instincts?

I can’t top yesterday’s blog post, so I’ll just answer the daily prompt.

I’ve always trusted my instincts. I’m intuitive. Besides that, I think I take in cues I don’t consciously perceive that lead me to know what I should or want to do. It’s just how I’m built. I’m not good at deliberation; in fact many bad decisions I’ve made came from overthinking.

Sunset looked like a flag

Sure, things go wrong, but often I learn the most when acting on instinct and getting different results than I expected. You just make the best decision with the information you have at the time. The worst thing is to not do anything at all, so my instincts are good enough for me.

Bug of the day is a young green stink bug. Yep, not green at this stage.

Honestly, as I’ve gotten older I’ve quit believing any predictions, promises, or plans for the future. I’m just going with the flow and not trying to influence the outcome. I’ll learn what I’m meant to learn. That has lessened my anxiety considerably.

Bird watching also helps. I saw the kingfisher catch a fish today!

So yeah, I think my instincts are correct for me and I’ll stick with them.

My instinct today was that I needed to spend some time with my equine friends. So while Drew was being a pain for Sara while she tried to trim his hooves, I hung out with the other horses.

I’m pretty for a brat.

I got burs out of them, which took a while for Dusty. His mane is sparse, but his thick tail was just about all bur. He munched hay and let me work on him. I brushed him, too, which he always likes.

I still manage to get burs in this little tuft.

Mostly I worked with Mabel, though. She’s been on a product called Gut-X for a while and it seems to have done the trick and helped her put on more weight. I’m pleased.

Looks like a horse.

She’d already been getting happier, and now she voluntarily comes up for attention. She let me fix up her tail and much of her mane, but mostly she wanted to be brushed softly and stroked. We spent a long time just being together.

Still has that face only a mother could love.

After I was done, she stood in her pen and yawned over and over. This kind of release is a very good sign in a horse. She’s feeling good, even though one hoof is cracked and her eye had been runny earlier (she got hay in there).

Today’s Bird

Today I saw a bird we all see often, but one I rarely see here at the ranch. It really surprised me, as it was sitting on top of the utility vehicle right next to me as I went through the gate from the house.

The pigeon never moved. Eventually it must have flown off, though. We see doves here (mourning, white-winged, Inca) but not often pigeons. Wonder where it came from?

Reading? Of Course!

What book are you reading right now?

It’s a good time for that question, because I started a new book a few days ago, The Invention of Nature (2015). It’s about Alexander von Humboldt, whose work was very important for people like me.

Great cover

I have it because folks were discussing naturalists and people who have a lot of species named after them. It became apparent that I wasn’t very familiar with von Humboldt, compared to Aldo Leopold. So, my friend “JC Maxwell” (a pseudonym) said she’d send me a book.

Sure enough, it showed up, along with a book called Regretsy, a humorous look at awful things sold on Etsy. I admit I read that first. It made me laugh aloud.

The author tells funny stories about herself, too.

Back to Humboldt. So far he’s still pretty young, but he’s been running all over Prussia and its neighbors being an eccentric genius and meeting famous people. I guess that’s what you did back then. He seems to have had a lot of time off from his job looking at rocks in mines.

Right now he’s hanging out with Goethe and the king of some small chiefdom or whatever it was before countries emerged in central Europe. They eat a lot and discuss poetry and new ideas about how the natural world works. Plus, of course he knows Charles Darwin.

I’ll get to the parts where he goes off and identifies lots of plants and animals soon enough. Right now he’s just way over-studious and energetic.

Did you know in the 1800s he was the most famous person in the world? That’s what the book says.


Today was full of chores, but Anita and I had fun grocery shopping for Thanksgiving at her favorite H-E-B store. We also visited Target and a couple of other places.

I still got home in time to horse around with Drew, who calmed down a bit today. All good.

Daily Bird

Today I went out on my usual morning walk and animal inspection. I heard an interesting hoot/honk sound. I looked down at the Merlin app and it said snow geese! Sure enough, they were flying over.

Blurry, but obviously geese.

These guys are only here during migration, so I was lucky to get a glimpse. We saw tons at Bosque del Apache wildlife refuge in New Mexico when we went there. Beautiful birds.

Take That, Burs!

What is good about having a pet?

I can answer the prompt and share today’s triumph at the same time. How efficient.

I slept last night and that seems to have helped settle my nerves. I think the kitty therapy I’ve gotten the last couple of days may have helped, too. Spending time with Potato, my son’s purry and substantial cat has been quite calming.

You’re welcome.

What a nice kitty. I’ll be sorry when my pet sitting duties are over, but I still have plenty of animals to exude good vibes and positivity. Yeah, that’s a good thing about pets. They provide companionship with no strings attached. They help you heal.

And thanks to pets, I see lots of sunsets.

You may be aware that I consider cockleburs to be a bad thing about having pets. Now that Alfred stays mostly in our fenced-in area, burs are a horse problem. Mine remain covered. I have a plan to eliminate them once it dries up a little. All manual labor, but they’ll join the bur-n pile. Ha ha.

Today I worked and worked, but made it to the horses before it was too dark. I arrived armed with a bottle of inexpensive sunflower oil. In the tack room I found some great gloves I’d bought with plastic on the palms and fingers. But proof? I was ready to find out.

I resolved to de-bur whichever horse I could grab first. Apache had been all friendly all day long (now that he loves his pill treats), but when he saw the bridle, he stood in mud and sort of dared me to come get him. Rather than slide all over and risk twisting my knee again (I did so yesterday and it still hurts), I turned around and put the bridle on Drew, who was politely standing beside me, encrusted in mud and burs.

Drew is still leery of having his head touched, so he looked awful. It was embarrassing, so I didn’t take a picture. Instead, I got out the tools and removed at least one layer of mud from him. Then I donned the gloves and poured oil on his tail and worked it all around the burs that had it looking like a dog tail.

Sure enough, the burs slipped off nicely and my hands stayed much happier thanks to the gloves. I think I even had fun, a little. In the end, he’s had a conditioning treatment and is all smooth back there. I hope I didn’t do some bad horse management, because I didn’t ask anyone before I rashly did it.

Look, no burs.

There were a lot of burs in that tail!

Then came the hard part, the mane. He wasn’t thrilled about that but was pretty patient. I started from the back and moved forward. Parts of his mane were fine, but some looked impossibly matted. I worried I might have to do some trimming. I was impressed that he let me get all the way up to his ears.

You call that pet therapy??

His head owie looks ok but he’s not interested in me doing much more than taking off surface burs. By that time it was getting dark, anyway. I’ll just let the oil soften his front burs.

His halter is loose because I’d put it on over a mass of burs.

Tomorrow I hope to work on the spotted mud ball known as Apache since Sara is coming to trim my guys.

PS: anyone who thought Drew couldn’t have been kicked in the head by our mini-donkey Fiona will be interested to know that I witnessed him chasing her with his head lowered, like dogs playing. She did, indeed land some solid blows on him. It’s a wonder he has any brains left. And horse brains are little.

Saddles Are Expensive

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

Since I have had a poor mental health day, I’ll just answer by telling you that horses are expensive to maintain. I’d say the three most expensive things I’ve ever bought that weren’t buildings or vehicles have been the three horse saddles I’ve bought.

That’s the most costly one. Cost 5X as much as the horse (before expensive training).

However, they are comfortable for the horses and beautiful, too. A lot of saving was involved for each. I can also lift them. That’s important for older riders.

The second costliest. This horse was “free.” Now his meds cost more than mine.

No riding today. It’s too muddy. So I walked the horses and pondered a bur removal campaign. At least Apache likes his medicine and asks for me to take burs out (sticks his head in the right position).

This splotchy cow resembles Apache with no burs.

Otherwise, today I heard seven kinds of sparrows and even photographed one, along with turkey vultures and great egrets.

The birds seem to like the damp, cool weather judging by how many were out this morning.

I’m just feeling really weird. Is it anxiety? Too much salty food? Dehydration? Medication side effect? Being an empath? I may get checked tomorrow in case it’s blood pressure or something. I’m not having an emergency, just feeling unbalanced.

It’s Easy to Guess My Favorite Subject in School

What was your favorite subject in school?

It rained and rained and I worked and worked today, so I didn’t have any “adventures” to write about. I was glad to see the blog prompt for today, since it fit in with my day’s activities.

Still rainy

Have you guessed my favorite subject in school? It’s pretty obvious, though after sixth grade there were really two.

Since I have the condition where I’m just driven to write (hypergraphia, self diagnosed), it’s no surprise that I loved English grammar and composition. I still do, though I’ve cut out all the convoluted sentences and polysyllabic vocabulary of my youth, at least in public.

I don’t have any photos from today, so consider these old collages as writing prompts.

There’s nothing I liked better than to be assigned to diagram me some sentences or write a nice, juicy composition. Term papers with lots o’ footnotes were also my idea of fun. In high school the only way I got a boyfriend was to find the guy who liked fancy sentences as much as I did (he’s an English/film studies professor now).

How do you see yourself as a writer?

But I did have another passion, which, probably not coincidentally, involved arranging words in certain ways. It was my second love, choral music. I loved how chords worked, harmonies intertwined, and crescendos followed decrescendos. While writing was a solo activity, chorus involved working with others, blending and matching in tone.

I’m the red dress in the tenor section.

I learned a lot about discipline, learning rules so you can later break them, cooperation, and vulnerability through these activities. Sharing your writing and performing in public are not easy until you get a lot of practice and learn to take feedback constructively. (My high school chorus teacher and grad school advisor are still alive and could tell you how much I had to learn in that area.) (Note that there’s still work to be done.)

I feel like the kid in this one.

Thanks for being an audience for my blog. It’s a nice break from job aids and meeting minutes, which I wrote all day today. I’m lucky to have a place to be a “real,” person, not an influencer or manufactured celebrity.

These SoulCollage cards can make you think.

Go out and read some other great blogs by real people! I love learning what I have in common with others, as well as our differences. I learn a lot, and you can, too.

We learn more if we look. Right now looking can be hard.

Time Is Not Real

Do you need time?

But it feels like it. Just like I can’t be my higher self and live in the moment, I feel like it’s necessary to act like time marches forward since everyone else thinks it does.

The Temperature Blanket, current as of November 6, acts like time is real.

I had more things in the bullet journal to do today than I was able to get to. That’s even with working on videos while doing my helping calls. But I’ll start again.

Busy busy. My idea of bullets.

Trying to get burs out of horse manes and tails required way more time than there were hours in the late afternoon. But I got Apache’s mane cleared off and I got him to eat his medicine. Tarrin was right. Burying it in senior horse feed got him to eat.

Like my curly look?

It was a hard day. Money stuff was hard. Horse stuff was hard. Work was work-like. I’m still full of anxiety but I got back on my medication. I hope I don’t leave it next time I go camping!

I did have time for lunch with the friends and to check out progress on the new bakery being renovated in town. That will be another great addition to downtown Cameron!

It’s an extra cheerful blue now. Quite an improvement.

Secretly I’m sending tons of good thoughts for friends dealing with the consequences of mishaps and accidents that happened to loved ones. Know you’re in my thoughts, friends.

In Three Years?

What will your life be like in three years?

I’m pessimistic about life in three years, and it creeps into my nightmares.

I will probably stop working in Corporate America by then. I hope there’s still Social Security.

I’m three years I’ll still find tiny baby insects cute.

We may have to go somewhere we feel safer. Texas elected officials make policies that worry me, as someone who’s not an evangelical Christian white guy.

Think of the trees, Suna. Breathe.

I’m not sure there will be places not run by extremist dictators in three years to go to.

And it will be hot and dry.

Hope I can still have horses. Though at the moment mine are getting on my last nerve. I’m addition to each being covered by burs, there’s this.

All the people turning on each other with intolerance and cruelty messes with my mind. I think that’s actually a reasonable response.

Oh, I’ll probably just keep trying to be kind and work for peace in my own way. Mother Nature will still be here. Love will be here. They both may just be harder to find.

International Day of Peaceful Rationality

Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.

Today’s prompt made me think, especially in light of all my efforts at bringing peace into my soul the past few days. I’d love a holiday that encourages people to sit back and drop their antagonistic thoughts toward “the other” for a day and work together to create sensible, rational solutions to the issues that conspire to keep all of us from having the chance to live meaningful, productive lives.

I saw a belted kingfisher and a bunch of fish jumping today!

I predict my holiday could lead to arguments over the meaning of peace and the relevance of rationality. But I can dream, can’t I?

Some of us live in peace and safety, like this little buck. Most of us live in a world full of deer feeders fattening us up to feed someone else.

I’m cynical today. Sometimes the news makes you feel even less optimistic than others. And this is after hiding in the woods for a few days. I’m still in the woods, but it was a long work day. I’m happy my office setup works so well. It’s really freeing to be able to work anywhere you have bandwidth.

I was busy as two bees on frost weed.

I’m ready to get home and take care of the animals myself. I hope Apache’s new meds arrived and will work out. I hope humans work things out, too, but I’m betting on the horse.

What’s your holiday?

When Your Furry Family Member Gets You Angsty

Describe a family member.

I didn’t realize the prompt today would fit with what I wanted to write about today. But it does. I’ve had some of the worst anxiety symptoms and bad dreams I’ve had in years since Friday. Ugh. I get strong chest pains, tightness in my head with ringing sounds, and weakness in my legs. None of this is pleasant. At least my anti-anxiety meds work most of the time!

Riding helps, too.

But, it turns out that, while I only get moderately stressed out about the numerous health issues in my immediate family, a sick horse throws me for a loop. And by the way, he’s no sicker now than he was last week, but knowing something was wrong got me full time of worry, angst, anxiety…and guilt.

I guess I’m unhappy to find out that Apache’s blood test results were extra bad (like 400 where high normal is 40) for ACTH. This means that, as we’ve always suspected, he has PPID or Cushing’s desease. The link tells you what the tests he took were, and we’re from the place doing the testing. His insulin wasn’t bad, which is good news.

Look, I lost weight!

Don’t panic. Medicine is on order that will reduce his symptoms and make him feel much better, though it won’t fix his endocrine system, which has probably been bad his whole life. We’ve just been managing the heck out of his symptoms.

My dear teacher and companion

Why have I been so upset? It’s because this furry family member has meant so much to me. He’s the first horse I learned to take care of and to ride, so he’s dealt with all my learning experiences and mistakes. Conversely, I’ve dealt with all his issues and idiosyncrasies, along with his curiosity, eagerness to learn, humor, and patience.

Don’t forget my beauty, other than the furry coat and sweating.

He and I each have our challenges, but we’ve stuck together through bad feet, poor horsemanship, anxiety (both of us), and changes. And in the past year or so, we’ve finally become a real team and started having fun. There’s been a lot of growth going on for both of us.

I’m your buddy.

So Friday, when I found out the vet was supposed to have sent me those test results but I didn’t have them, and I got the impression they were bad, no amount of me telling myself that getting upset wouldn’t change things worked. I just fell apart and got mentally dysfunctional. I mean, internally. I did all my stuff and acted fine. I just hurt inside. I care so much about my animals.

I was mainly feeling bad that I didn’t get the testing done earlier, like I’ve let him suffer needlessly. I was concentrating so hard on his feet, muscles, and diet that I missed this. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to get haltered some days, or why he gets squirrelly on rides…blah blah blah. I’m just making stuff up at this point, but I guess that’s what you do when you think you could have helped but didn’t.

He’s made so much progress!

My hope it’s that by talking about my relationship with my Paint/Arab companion of lo these many years I’ll help myself feel better. He will be on his way to feeling better as soon as those meds arrive, and we’ll take it from there.

I’ll remember good stuff like hearing the sandhill cranes migrating overhead.

We will both be fine, especially if folks treat us kindly and gently. I don’t need to be made to feel worse with a bunch of, “Why didn’t you…?” And “You should have…” stuff. I just need ways to move forward and live the rest of our time together positively and happily. The horses and my inner circle are what keep me going!


Resources

Equine Cushing’s and Testing

Equine Endocrinology