Oh, Self, you are still listening to a long-ago admonition you think your dad made. You think he expected you to excel at everything you tried to do, and at least be in the top 10% (whew, that excused that B in PE and Algebra 2 that made me not the best in high school—I was not athletic or mathematical until much later in life).
This volunteer portulaca also doesn’t like math. It interrupts the grid.
I’ve always felt literal shame if I got a bad review at work (my interpretation of “bad” was anything other than world’s greatest employee). I just never took criticism well, for no good reason. I just was screwed up from childhood. I’ve gotten better, but when people I care about give harsh criticism, I still fall apart. Nonetheless, honest, I’m way better. I do realize I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable and lovable. In fact, some/many people like me just the way I am, and I BELIEVE it!
Squirrel is dubious
Still, I let myself fall into old patterns over the weekend and was all disappointed that Apache and I didn’t rank well at the horse show. At the time, I told myself I was being ridiculous, because we did the best we could, considering our health.
I’m glad Tarrin finally got to use some of her 4th and 5th place ribbons. That means lots of entrants!
Well, I was really being a doofus (just gently ribbing myself), because when I took the time to look at the results, I actually got my best scores with Apache in all the areas except the last one , when I was just trying to survive without passing out. And that was as good as the last show.
I have to remember that Apache really didn’t know how to run properly without a rider, much less with a fearful, bouncing old lady on him!
So, this just presents a confirmation that comparing yourself to others is not at all good for you. The other riders were simply better than me, and on their own path to improve their own skills. As Sara said to me, I’ve come farther than she ever thought I would. I agree. We aren’t talented or young, either of us, but Apache and I keep at it!
This is us being determined.
I’m proud of our spirit and grit, even if we’re not going to be the “best!” We’re our best.
(By the way, Drew and I are getting along much better.)
There was another horse show for the group I participate in, Working Horse Central. Sara and Aragorn went with me and Apache. We had to use our trailer, because Sara’s had gotten damaged in the storms. Mine had only been knocked off its stand, so it was a challenge getting it hitched to her vehicle, but Lee, Sara, and her nephew Justin got it done eventually.
I had a festive new outfit. It was a bit small.
The show had lots of participants, which was really cool. You always learn a lot from everyone at every level. Apache and I learned that a person recovering from a fall and a horse recovering from a laminitic episode aren’t going to do really well in the hottest day of the year so far.
Extra coordinated. My new helmet matched his tack.
I was disappointed in our standings, but we had some good moments and I was proud of how hard we tried. We both sweated a lot. Then I got all red. Luckily, our body worker Jackie was also in the show, and she had a functioning air conditioner in her living quarters trailer. Resting in there allowed us to at least try the final event, though we placed dead last and didn’t even get a ribbon. Wah. I thought we’d done okay, but the truth is that the other folks had great rounds. I enjoyed watching them through the haze of heat.
Doing our best!
I was also proud that I was able to do some of the cleanup and packing, though I felt awful. My back hurt from getting a chiropractic adjustment on the part I hurt worst when I unexpectedly flew off Drew. It needs more work!
Love this action shot of Sara and Aragorn. They are so much fun to watch as they get better and better.
And to add insult to injury, I had a huge blister on my heel, because I cleaned up the storm damage in my rubber boots with no socks on. That was MY fault. It sure made wearing cowboy boots uncomfortable.
Look at all the riders!
However, I survived. Apache did, too. He even made a new friend, one of the horses Tarrin is working with. I came into Apache’s stall to clean his poop, and caught them bonding through the open window. The gray horse was making cute little noises at Apache, and they were nuzzling. Then something happened and they both backed up and started yawning. It was so cute! Made the day worth it.
I don’t know what this means, but they were happy.
I really admire the people at these shows. Here’s an example. There was a woman who had trouble getting up on her horse. Her horse was blind in one eye. But once she was on and warmed up a bit, she was so obviously a skilled rider and the horse was very well trained. Her Agility round was awesome. I hope I’m still willing to put myself out there as long as possible, like her. Great role model for me.
Sure. Given the choice, I’ll choose being happy. I don’t think that was always my choice. Sometimes I chose something other than happiness. Melodrama? Ennui? Risk-taking? Emotional masochism? Whatever it was, it’s gone.
More space in my brain for wildflower appreciation.
That leaves so much room for positive experiences, contentment with whatever comes up, and inner peace. Of course, there are moments of wonder and happy times, but I’m loving the contentment I’ve achieved. More challenges will come up, but I have good tools for coping.
Speaking of challenges, I bet baby Hope will provide some, but cute ones.
Work has been fun, because I’m learning new ideas and helping out others. People are just so interesting when you just observe them and help out. I’m out of the office politics game, and love the detachment.
Just observing and noticing is way better than getting emotionally involved!
Horses are still fun, too. Today was Apache’s lesson and I got to go with Sara. That won’t happen much more in the future, so I enjoyed watching her and Aragorn trying new things.
Buddies
Apache spent more time getting his hooves trimmed. I think he gets his done as much as I do. But it’s his lot in life, being metabolically challenged.
My new helmet matches all his tack. It even has cactuses on it.
We enjoyed our lesson until side passing time. We just aren’t good at that. I guess we know what to work on!
He’s a good horse. And I washed all the sweat off.
The heat is back, so I’m pretty tired. And my back hurts where I fell from Drew last week. Plus, our pool pump seems to have gone out. Always something to deal with, but hey, I’m not hospitalized like poor Kathleen has been all week (another spider bite). Tomorrow will be better, no doubt!
Maybe I’ll see the black mud daubers! No, these don’t sting you.
I fell really well, I hear. Oddly, I feel more confident about Drew after getting bucked off in my first attempt at cantering than I did earlier today. Who’d have guessed?
But look how cute he is with his graying mane and tousled effect (he had just stumbled hard).
Since my last lesson with Drew, I’d been really cautious with him. I admit I mainly took him out and exercised him, avoiding grooming, because I was having trouble keeping him from trying to bite or kick me, even with a riding crop to make my bubble larger. I needed help.
What don’t I need help with? Befriending bunnies. These young cottontails no longer pay me any notice.
But I had an ego boost today that buoyed me up. I felt irrationally good about myself because at the conference sponsored by my previous employer I was called out for an award as someone who is helpful to their users. This was given by the director of the group that tried so hard to get me to leave, and I was nominated by former colleagues. That felt good, because Dell can’t give contractors awards or bonuses. I’m happy that the hard work I do is noticed!
I’m as cheerful as the color of this Gulf fritillary.
So, I was more confident when I went to get Drew for his lesson. He was so good, coming up to me to be haltered and being friendly as heck until I tried to groom him. He even bit my riding crop in two. But I got it done. That pleased me.
When we got to Tarrin’s he was sweet as pie and let me get all the little burs out of his mane. I felt better already. I just had to figure out the grooming thing.
Oh it’s figured out now. Tarrin gave me the Tough Love speech about how I had to stop moving away from him and rewarding his behavior or I’d have to sell Droodles. I felt really bad about being scared after being kicked but it’s a human reaction. I just had to get past it.
After that unpleasantness, she showed me a great technique for encouraging him to keep his teeth and hooves to himself. I managed to finish grooming and even get his mane and tail done. He is not fond of the bamboo stick I was semi-competently wielding to bop him. He was quite the gentleman thereafter. He even took the bit politely!
In fact, other than one stumble while we were nicely trotting, he was perfect during the lesson. I think we both were having fun together. He was doing so well that Tarrin thought we might be able to try a canter (have I mentioned before that I’d never cantered on a horse? Never got that far in lessons with Apache because he has canter “issues” having nothing to do with my skill set).
Just some nettle leaf noseburn to break up the tension.
She set it up so that she had him on the lead rope and I was in the saddle holding the reins in one hand and the saddle in the other. It all went fine. He started to canter but something happened that made him buck me right off. We were all surprised.
There was NO WAY I was going to fall in such a way that my cesarean scar would get re-injured like it did on my old hybrid saddle with Apache. So I went off to the correct side to not be trampled and somehow successfully rolled like I was doing judo or whatever. It went butt, back, head in such a way that I’m only bruised and have a headache.
THIS is why you wear a helmet when riding a horse. It protected me. In fact, I was wearing the helmet I had to buy after Apache bucked me off (which led to me starting lessons with Tarrin.)
Apparently after I landed and had the wind knocked out of me, I said, “I think I’m dead.” Tarrin, being pretty smart, figured out if I was talking I was alive. She and Drew came to see if I was all right. He was quite concerned that I was on the ground, as horses tend to be.
Once I was up, Tarrin got on Drew to firmly remind him how to behave in canter.
He was not thrilled at first.
After a little squabbling, he was fine. We went back and practiced grooming his sweaty little self. Lee came up and Tarrin said I got an A+ and Drew got an F. That’s a great reward! She is not pleased that this little hiccup occurred, because she considers it her job to keep her students safe. But I think, in the end, everything worked out fine.
He settled down. Yes I took pictures. I was a little nauseated but sitting down to recover.
Honestly, I’m proud of myself for how I handled the events of the lesson. Getting thrown from a horse was a concern for me, since older people don’t bounce as well as young ones. But I coped well and mainly feel sad to have caused Tarrin concern. I feel good about Drew, the best I have since he got hurt. We are on the road back to a good relationship.
My wrinkles and I are intent on telling you I’m fine. I have perky pajamas and strong drugs.
Tomorrow won’t be fun. I guess checking out my bruises will be interesting. My back is a bit tweaked so I’ll do stretches and hope I don’t need a chiropractor. But yes, I have appropriate medications, analgesics, and medical professionals to contact if I get any concussion symptoms. Honest. No need to post medical advice!
Enjoy my best question mark photo yet.
Maybe I’ll ride Apache tomorrow. Hee hee. He looked bummed that he didn’t get to go to lessons.
I think people get too attached to brands, especially when they are trying to use them to impress others. I should know. I bought a Prada purse once. It was the best buying experience I ever had. Wow, rich people get treated nicely in stores. And it was/is a great purse. It will last forever.
Purse is at right. The left one is Coach. Used them when I worked in an office. Dog is another story.
But, my brief period of trying to keep up with the Jones’s is over. I now focus any brand loyalty I develop on quality or aesthetics. Things don’t have to be “on trend” to be of good quality or pleasing to my eye. Upon reflection, I find that many of my brand loyalties are focused on comfort, ergonomics, and texture. Examples.
Current frequently worn shoes.
I love Skechers shoes. They do come in some fun colors, but mainly they are very comfortable and keep my feet happy. As someone who has a “thing” for shoes, this switch to a more practical style is a big deal.
I also love cowboy boots, especially Lucchese. Those are a texture thing. I love the feel of quality leather. Plus they are beautiful yet useful. Good ones are very comfortable, too.
I really love a well designed automobile with comfort and style. I’ve loved every Jaguar car Ive owned. My current one is a compromise, because Lee can’t get into a sedan or sports car anymore, so I lost the British Racing Green one with saddle tan leather interior. But the one I drive now has red leather seats and every safety and convenience feature I wanted. I could live in this car. It’s so easy and intuitive to use. And it goes vroom when necessary
I’m loyal to my Color Street nail strips. Yes, I know there are less expensive brands. I also find them rubbery and of lower quality. Since they’re still way less than salon nail treatments, I’m happy.
I like Apple watches and phones. Less of a learning curve. I stick with Dell computers. That’s based on familiarity and reliability.
I stick with AT&T cell service. No clue why except my dad worked for them via various mergers and name changes. That’s not a great reason.
I like H-E-B and Publix grocery stores. They are clean and have options. I can’t remember what I liked in Illinois, which had neither chain.
Let’s see, what else? Crest toothpaste, meUndies socks and underwear, Bluebell ice cream, Kerrygold butter, Church’s fried chicken, Dawn dishwashing liquid, Tide detergent, Diet Coke Zero (my primary vice), Folger’s coffee (I just like it), Hilton hotels (because that’s where my points live).
That’s enough of that. Most things I’m brand neutral on or prefer hand-made.
Flooding continues around here. It’s worse in other parts of Texas but pretty bad here. Plants and ducks love it.
Where the cattle were yesterday. Looking north up Walkers Creek. You can barely see a fence top. Walkers Creek headed south The other side of the trees in the previous photo. That’s usually a field. Wood ducks irritated at my presence
Horses aren’t pleased. At least Apache is finally shedding out. I can pull clumps of hair off him. I’d planned to groom him twice today and at least walk Drew around, but there was only one good break in the rain. When I went to feed and medicate, he was too wet to brush.
What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?
I’m not very big on holidays, but I enjoy observing the changing seasons. May 1 is Beltane in the tradition I follow. It’s the big fertility celebration where all the flowers are blooming and you dance around the maypole, a thing I’ve done many times.
This cheerful day flower welcomes the changing seasons.
I like a holiday that’s all for fun, isn’t commercialized, and provides a chance to be as wild as you want to be. I’ll probably pick a May basket full of flowers and make a nice bouquet tomorrow.
Lots of flowers to choose from.
That will be after my doctor appointment, where I have to get tests done to be allowed to continue my thyroid medication, followed by the equine dentist, another yearly traditional event at the ranch. I hope I can worm the horses while they’re sedated. That should end the parade of horse health expenses for a while.
We’re worth it, even when we snub you.
Today was a first for me in a couple of ways. First, Drew kicked me for daring to try to groom his right side. He really doesn’t want me grooming him, so I guess I’ve been a bad horse owner and traumatized him.
I feel pretty awful about that and confused about what to do. On the one hand I’m supposed to be firm and set boundaries and on the other I’m not supposed to react. I’ll keep trying. My thigh sure hurts. Interesting that he doesn’t mind me cleaning 3/4 of his hooves, and is happy to be haltered and walk with me.
Second, I gave a living being a shot of medicine. Yes, this was after getting kicked. Drew was fine about that. He gets a shot a month from now on for arthritis pain. I’m proud I remembered how to do it. Maybe Tarrin will think I still have some potential as a horse person.
Speaking of pain and meds, Apache is feeling lots better. I’m pleased that he’s walking and trotting well without the boots on. He volunteered to canter but I had him stop. It wasn’t going well and he was hopping. Still, good news that he tried. He seemed energetic.
Also good is that he is now taking his medication like a champ, thanks to the magical cookies Sara made for Aragorn. Aragorn didn’t like them, but Apache seems to look forward to them. I guess I’ll have to get the recipe!
No new Apache pictures, so enjoy this very large mushroom.
Kathleen says this is my week for challenges, after getting stuck in the mud yesterday and kicked today. I’m trying to adopt her attitude of laughing the challenges off and staying positive.
No, really, he’d been injured somehow and was in bad pain, which then caused his arthritis in his back to flare up. He was unable to turn right, was biting, and was terrorizing the other horses. Tarrin and her team had a lot of work to do.
Look at him now!
The good news is that the body work, pain relief, injections by the vet, retraining, and some new medication he’ll have to take by monthly injection, he’s back to his old self. I have a horse that can be ridden, even by someone with my meager skills.
Whee
I really enjoyed getting a chance to ride him again today. He is able to turn in both directions and is so nice to trot on. I look forward to practicing in the round pen.
Thanks to Sara for the pictures
Apache is also on a positive trend. He is walking pretty normally and trotting much better. I know he feels better, because he started avoiding me when I show up with a halter. He’s back to his old ways!
I’m not fond of these fly protectors. I’ll just stand here.
Tarrin did some more trimming on his front hooves to help them gradually improve. She also trimmed a bit on the back, since they are also growing. I’m now authorized to exercise him in straight lines and to let him graze at night.
Trim time
The best thing about today, however, came when Droodles came up to the trailer to get saddled. He and Apache were glad to see each other! Drew did baby horse things to Apache, and they nuzzled and groomed each other. It was incredibly sweet.
They’re all so cute I’m just sharing every picture I took.
When we got them home, I turned Drew out in the pasture with Mabel, Dusty, and Fiona. Again, there was much sniffing and grooming. Then they all ran to the back of the pasture, rubbed on each other, then ran back. Poor Dusty can’t keep up with the speedy ones. When I left, Fiona was looking disgusted, but everyone else was hanging out, with Drew desperately trying to get to Apache through the fence.
We will see if tomorrow there are bite marks everywhere. After two months of no pesky teen, Mabel and Dusty are looking darn smooth.
Our last day at Lake Whitney (or the Big Puddle as I’m inclined to call it, since it’s mostly only a foot deep) was mostly a work day, but I found time to hike around near our campsite for an hour around lunchtime. I wanted to see the airstrip that I’d spotted on the map.
Yep. An airstrip.
The area wasn’t much to look at, since it was pretty scrubby and just had a few trees here and there (what did I expect? It was advertised as being on a prairie). However weird it looked didn’t matter. There was much to observe.
Always look at snags (dead trees). Something will be there. I think this used to be more well maintained. Typical scenery. Many birds lurk in there. Look, vulture in a snag. The road to nowhere?
I have to hand it to this area, there are lots of birds, and they love this type of landscape with mixed open and covered parts. I heard a turkey and a peregrine falcon, along with many of my favorite sparrows, and the new-to-me clay-colored sparrow. There were no tanagers (they like the woods back at the campsite), but I was lucky to experience the sounds of multiple painted buntings calling each other and flying around. Magic! Plus the woodpeckers put on a show. Downies were in mating or territorial frenzies.
Spot the woodpeckers! More snag action.
More bird action occurred when I went to check out the weird but nice surprise of a whole setup for flying radio-controlled planes. It even had a memorial sign for deceased members. However, those guys weren’t present, so my buddies the barn swallows decided their shelter was an excellent barn substitute. They didn’t appreciate my intrusion. I wonder what happens on plane days?
The shelterChairs had some bird droppingsSee any nests or birds?How about here?Nest One angry birdMany angry birdsStands for RC planes
Yesterday I was too sleepy to write about plants, but today I’m more awake! I’ll say that this scrubby prairie had many flowers to enjoy (and to entice bees and butterflies). Two that were new to me were cute low-growing Comanche Western Daisy (Astranthium ciliatum) and delicate pink diamond flowers (Stenaria nigricans) which are usually white.
Comanche western daisy and diamond flower
Of course my old favorites were also there. I just can’t stop myself from taking photos of insects on milkweed flowers. Not really weeds.
BeeButterflies Just prettyThree butterflies on a thistle Silver nightshade. Pretty until it’s everywhere. Tiny butterfly I can’t IDExtremely fluttery moth. It looked like lace.
We headed home around three, and once I got the lights on the Jeep to work, all was well. Our first tow vehicle-accompanied trip went very well. We are quite rested.
My buddy!
I wasn’t worried about Apache, because Kathleen took great care of him and the other livestock. He is all medicated up and walking a lot better. Tomorrow he’ll get another trim and we should bring Drew home, too! I sure hope he’s back to his sweet, fun self.
Oh good, Ratty the rat snake is also doing well. She left me three eggs.
Today was misty and damp, plus I had a lot on my plate between work and chores. Still, the time I did manage to steal time for firing up Merlin Bird ID and listening to/looking for birds paid off big time. I just knew I’d see cool birds this spring, eventually.
Hello, nice ranch you have here!
I can’t bury the lead: look who helped me feed the horses and shovel poop this evening! It’s a yellow-headed blackbird! Whoa! It was quite friendly and just hung around as I did chores (I was hyperventilating that I saw what I thought I saw).
Very cool migrant I welcomed from Mexico.
The morning was equally exciting. I heard a weird sound when I was out feeding chickens. Then I recalled Lee saying he’d heard something that sounded like a heron, but not like our usual ones. Sure enough, it was a green heron.
You can’t see it, but they were by this pond.
Actually, I saw them flying and realized it was a pair. We have them sometimes, so it wasn’t a big surprise, but the amount of calling these guys did helped cement the sound of green herons in my mind. They went on all day, I think.
Another bird was giving a concert as well. The great crested flycatcher had come up before, and I always figured Merlin had it confused with our common (yet breathtaking) scissor tail flycatchers.
They are in these trees.
However, the pair (or more) in the woods today sounded distinctly different from their showy cousins. I could tell exactly where they were, because they were calling repeatedly, but I only got a glimpse of two of them changing trees.
That’s a cool-looking bird
But wait, there’s more. Also among the cacophony (of course with cardinals, wrens, titmice, and woodpeckers), was another cool bird. I sure wish I’d seen the yellow-breasted chat, though hearing it was interesting enough. This is another bird I thought might have been identified in error, but when it repeatedly registered and I became able to pick it out, I believed it.
Cool photo, huh.
Even if you aren’t a birder, you can see why I was pretty happy with today’s variety—39 birds in all, even without all the winter sparrows. There was a gray catbird in the mix, too, and I almost got a photo of it!
I did get an excellent photo of an orange blister beetle, though.
In mammal news, the painkillers seem to be working on Apache. He had the gumption to try to get away when I came at him with his medication. And he’s eating more, too. The other horses are so good. They hang out with him a lot so he isn’t too lonely.
See, I can bee positive!
Oh, one more bit of bird news: there’s a harrier nest in Sara’s part of the ranch! That was exciting to me, since they’re my favorite raptor. Now, please enjoy some flowers.
Hooray, Indian blankets!Texas vervain Engelmann daisiesMixed wildflowers My un manicured roadside In the driveway!Colors clash but it’s okay. Grass in mistVariegated fritillary Rabbit tobacco Another flower that should be purple, Venus’ looking glass
Gee whiz. My horses and I just can’t catch a break. I get one healthy, then the other one is hurt, then they trade places. I wish it were the subtle ups and downs of a carousel, but it’s more of a roller coaster with huge highs and lows, along with high entrance fees.
But we’re cute.
Let’s enjoy some good news. Droodles seems to be past the side effects of the injections he got last week and is regaining his sweet disposition. His caregivers gave him good reports from the weekend and it made me really happy to see him looking like he wanted my attention when I went for lessons today. Previously, he wouldn’t even look at me when I came.
I won’t bite you!
Tarrin said he remembers how to canter and is now willing to move in all directions, too. I think all the help he’s gotten has made a huge difference. I’m sure grateful for all the effort Tarrin and her wonderful helpers have put into getting him past his issues. Maybe I’ll have a horse I can ride by next week.
That’s good, because my worst fears have been realized with Apache. I’d really hoped his feet were just sore from an aggressive trim. But he was not at all happy without his boots. With them he can walk at a normal pace, but you can tell it hurts. So I brought him for his lesson really to get help.
I’m sure he’s tired of sore feet, too.
I’d really hoped the Prascend I’ve been giving him would help. It’s a real pain to get him to actually eat it, even with applesauce. He’s good at spitting it out. It’s costly as well. But, I guess it could have been worse without the stuff. As it is, Tarrin said he’d obviously suffered a laminitic episode. That was my fear.
As always, there are plenty of helpful canines helping with the diagnosis.
It looked to me like his sole was sticking out farther than his hoof wall, and yep, that was true. Dammit. Could be worse; he did not founder. That’s really bad.
This hoof was perfect a few weeks ago. Best it had ever been. Ugh.
It’s so discouraging to have worked and worked to get a horse healthy, only for grass or something to mess him right back up. I’m heartbroken. But, before someone (Sara) reminds me that I knew this was liable to happen when I took over his care. Yes, I know he’s always had PPID or whatever they used to call it. But I’ve sure tried hard to manage it. Not hard enough, though, and it’s my fault.
Diagnostic exam.
Well, anyway, Tarrin was able to give a good lesson to her two farrier students in how to do the kind of trim that will bring him comfort. That was at least a good service we could provide. He got all trimmed and went back in his boots. It seemed to help.
Yay, first meadow pink of the year. Cheers me up.
He also got a big ole dose of painkillers, which was not easy. Tarrin had to use all her tempting tricks to entice him to eat it. In the end, he got two syringes full of the powder mixed with water.
Also cheering me up is baby Grace. She finally came out a couple days ago. She has blue eyes and a moon on her forehead.
I’m guessing he’s feeling good now. He refused his dinner, though. Probably thought there must be medication in it. Of course he has to stay in the pens where there is no grass. Fiona may join him. They can grumpily munch hay together.
Yes, yes, I’m sure I’m doing the best I can and none of this is my fault and I should have expected it. But I was sure enjoying happy Apache. I’m allowed to at least briefly be sad.
But hey, maybe Drew won’t bite me now. He should be able to work with me soon. And if worst comes to worst, Mabel is gonna do in hand work! I’ve still got a spare, even if they’re all not rideable. I can still have fun with them.
The Hermits' Rest 