Apache – Page 14 – The Hermits' Rest

When Your Furry Family Member Gets You Angsty

Describe a family member.

I didn’t realize the prompt today would fit with what I wanted to write about today. But it does. I’ve had some of the worst anxiety symptoms and bad dreams I’ve had in years since Friday. Ugh. I get strong chest pains, tightness in my head with ringing sounds, and weakness in my legs. None of this is pleasant. At least my anti-anxiety meds work most of the time!

But, it turns out that, while I only get moderately stressed out about the numerous health issues in my immediate family, a sick horse throws me for a loop. And by the way, he’s no sicker now than he was last week, but knowing something was wrong got me full time of worry, angst, anxiety…and guilt.

I guess I’m unhappy to find out that Apache’s blood test results were extra bad (like 400 where high normal is 40) for ACTH. This means that, as we’ve always suspected, he has PPID or Cushing’s desease. The link tells you what the tests he took were, and we’re from the place doing the testing. His insulin wasn’t bad, which is good news.

Don’t panic. Medicine is on order that will reduce his symptoms and make him feel much better, though it won’t fix his endocrine system, which has probably been bad his whole life. We’ve just been managing the heck out of his symptoms.

Why have I been so upset? It’s because this furry family member has meant so much to me. He’s the first horse I learned to take care of and to ride, so he’s dealt with all my learning experiences and mistakes. Conversely, I’ve dealt with all his issues and idiosyncrasies, along with his curiosity, eagerness to learn, humor, and patience.

Don’t forget my beauty, other than the furry coat and sweating.

He and I each have our challenges, but we’ve stuck together through bad feet, poor horsemanship, anxiety (both of us), and changes. And in the past year or so, we’ve finally become a real team and started having fun. There’s been a lot of growth going on for both of us.

So Friday, when I found out the vet was supposed to have sent me those test results but I didn’t have them, and I got the impression they were bad, no amount of me telling myself that getting upset wouldn’t change things worked. I just fell apart and got mentally dysfunctional. I mean, internally. I did all my stuff and acted fine. I just hurt inside. I care so much about my animals.

I was mainly feeling bad that I didn’t get the testing done earlier, like I’ve let him suffer needlessly. I was concentrating so hard on his feet, muscles, and diet that I missed this. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to get haltered some days, or why he gets squirrelly on rides…blah blah blah. I’m just making stuff up at this point, but I guess that’s what you do when you think you could have helped but didn’t.

My hope it’s that by talking about my relationship with my Paint/Arab companion of lo these many years I’ll help myself feel better. He will be on his way to feeling better as soon as those meds arrive, and we’ll take it from there.

I’ll remember good stuff like hearing the sandhill cranes migrating overhead.

We will both be fine, especially if folks treat us kindly and gently. I don’t need to be made to feel worse with a bunch of, “Why didn’t you…?” And “You should have…” stuff. I just need ways to move forward and live the rest of our time together positively and happily. The horses and my inner circle are what keep me going!

Resources

Equine Cushing’s and Testing

Equine Endocrinology

Who Says Neigh and Deserves Some Hay?

I know, I know! My horses! And after a lot of effort on many people’s part, they have some round bales to enjoy when the cold weather comes.

The horses seem pleased. They should be.

I had just washed my hair when I went out to figure out where to put the hay. I now wish I had a wind like today’s to style my hair with every wash! It made my hair look great!

By the way, I may deserve a treat or pampering like the horses get, too. It’s the dreaded cocklebur season. I’ve probably mentioned this multiple times already this autumn. The horses seem to think the grass under the bur plants is the BEST, because each of them has a fine collection of burs in their manes, with bonus tail burs…or had.

I took an extra half hour getting Drew and Apache ready for their lessons today. Some of it involved getting mud out of their hooves, but most of it was bur removal. Drew, whose new hairstyle is shown above, had about 15 burs in his made and a bunch in his tail. His hair is smooth, which makes it easy to get burs out. When I was done, I did the braiding you see. I hope it makes for fewer burs and easier removal. Plus, it’s cute.

Yes, eventually Apache got braided, too. First at least 38 burs had to be removed. He has fine, frizzy hair in his mane, so the burs stick way more and are much harder to remove. My poor hands! (I’m careful not to use my nails.) I ended up making his forelock into some kind of horse-man bun. That should help. The rest of his braid is longer than Drew’s, but at least it won’t fall forward and may get fewer burs. We will see. Too bad I never was a girly-girl or had a pony and learned to do fancy braids. But Tarrin said the style I did might work.

He also has lots of wisps and at one point his braid flew up like a kite.

But I can’t be annoyed at the guys. I’m still kind of shocked at how well Apache’s been doing in lessons. It’s so very fun to get more skilled at riding as he gets better at his form. We did slaloms today and ran out of things to criticize. And we did three barrels correctly, at a trot.

These are things I never expected. Heck, even his side passing is borderline okay! Quite an improvement! Obviously he isn’t built to be a high-level dressage horse and he started out way late, but as long as he’s healthy and interested, we’ll keep working on things.

Drew and I are both improving, too. Bridling is coming along, and I’m getting the hang of helping him get straighter on slaloms and barrels. He’s where Apache was last year. But I think he can do great things if we keep working away. He deserves hay, too.

And I deserve hay. Duh. Even though I bray rather than saying neigh.

Lots of us deserve a reward right now. I’ve solved some problems and helped people at work, for which I’m proud. Lee’s buying us a house to renovate! Go him! And others in my circle are being amazing caregivers. Teamwork!

Lessons Learned, Respect Earned

Today was full of ups and downs. I’m dealing with internal drama that has nothing to do with anyone else, but it’s making me impatient and snappy. I’m not at my best.

But guess who doesn’t care about any of that, as long as I leave it all back in the house? The horses. I just read a blog post by my trainer, Tarrin, who reminded us to only bring joy to our horses, not our baggage. That’s such good advice! And I did that today, because the moment I set eyes on my little herd, my stress fell away and was replaced with warmth and happiness.

It’s a pleasure to check in with each horse and Fiona the donkey, seeing how they’re feeling after a recent escapade with locking themselves in a small pen, noticing how calm and loving Mabel has become since starting supplements for ulcers, how irritated Drew is with his hurt head from the pen episode, and how happy Apache was to get loved on and de-burred.

It was Apache’s turn to be ridden today, and we are doing an exercise about going to the edges of his boundaries. It was going fine until I headed him in his “bad” direction just as Lee sped by in Hilda the utility vehicle. He threw his head down to shake the reins out of my hands and started to take off. But, hooray, I was prepared and did the correct version of a one-rein stop and he did, indeed, stop.

I swear I could hear Apache thinking, “Dang, that trick doesn’t work anymore.” He was a fine fellow the rest of the ride, including trotting around the outside of the round pen. Much petting and praise ensued. I’d gained his respect a bit more.

That’s the power of learning lessons from those who have more experience than you do. I’m lucky to have mentors and teachers in my life like Tarrin to impart these lessons in ways I can best hear them and use them.

Thank whoever’s helped you get through your challenges and empowers you to keep going. These are people to treasure! Thanks, Tarrin.

And thanks to Carlton for being goofy in his zest for unearthing hidden tissues. Hard to be sad watching that.

Fulfilling Work

In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?

I’m not going to answer a prompt every day this month, but at the end of today, I knew the answer to this one.

Hard work that leads to growth is fulfilling to me. Work for work’s sake, well, it’s a chance to practice mindfulness at best. I can mentally go to my happy place while doing drudge work.

The work I’ve been doing the past few years with horses has been hard, really hard. It’s pushed me out of my comfort zone both mentally and physically. Horses are beautiful and smell good, but they are weird and unpredictable (even for people who know them well).

I was just chatting with a fellow student of Tarrin’s tonight, and we were commiserating about our setbacks this summer and how hard it is to regain confidence when you feel like you can’t trust your horse. We both know we will have to work hard on it, but we pointed out how many obstacles we each have overcome so far. That helps, reminders from others!

As for other kinds of hard work, like actual work and volunteer work, of course it helps if I learn and grow from it. I am fulfilled if my efforts are appreciated or help others. That’s why I like teaching people. You can see that the students have new skills or knowledge that will enrich them. Teaching knitting really exemplifies this. You give someone a lifelong hobby!

Then they can make giant year-long blankets.

My Master Naturalist work is often hard, but wow is it fulfilling to know so much about my surroundings and it’s great to be able to help others ID plants and birds or understand more about the local ecosystem.

For example, I know these rocks, which look like potatoes to me, are what’s in the soil here.

As for today, I took a long walk in the woods, got to enjoy Apache’s previous rider, Kayla, visit with him, and rode Drew around the pasture with only a little need for reassurance. (Backsliding was having trouble bridling after it went well for a few times in a row.)

Enjoy sites from the woods.

My Favorite Trait

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

Oh, gee. No idea how to answer this. Hmm. It’s a lot easier to think of traits I’d like to improve on.

Ok. I declare my favorite trait about myself is my curiosity. I’m curious about nature, people, ideas. That leads to knowledge, which leads to growth, which makes life a positive experience.

Here’s a very curious-looking insect. it’s the nymph of *Trichopepla semivittata*, whatever that is. A scientist told me.

I’m sorta glad we had to cancel our camping trip this weekend. I’ve enjoyed working with the horses a lot since it’s no longer unbearably hot just before sunset.

Blue dasher dragonfly that got trapped in the tack room.

I’m taking Apache back to basics, so no riding, just long walks. Yesterday we walked all the way down the road, where he couldn’t see any other horses. He was just fine. He just has trouble being ridden alone. That’s frustrating, but I’m following Tarrin’s plan and we’ll see how it works out.

Drew, on the other hand, is settling down so well. After we had a nice, calm walk at training last week, I decided maybe HE would be the horse I can ride around the property and enjoy. Sure enough, this evening we went all over the field in front of the house with no stress whatsoever. I’m going to try some other places tomorrow. I’m pleased.

Branded? Not Me

What brands do you associate with?

I’m not a millennial or whatever age group feels the need to associate with a brand or become a brand. It’s just not something I think about. Ever.

I guess, tongue in cheek, I could say I associate myself to Color Street (see, I linked to it). It’s the stuff I use for my silly little fingernails that make me happy. Since I’m constantly being asked how I do the looks, I do tend to evangelize. And I’m probably helping Rebecca the consultant actually make money in an MLM scheme (or as proponents call it, a home business, ha ha).

Yeah, there are less expensive options that feel a bit rubbery, but I enjoy the fun of buying these and sharing ideas and manicures with others. It’s fairly harmless and supports a US business. I represent Color Street (unofficially) because it’s fun.

That’s what they look like in the package.

The only other “brand” I associate with is the Texas Master Naturalist program. I’m proud to have a TMN license plate and wear my shirts around. It’s a privilege to share what I’ve learned with others, too. This organization does so much for our state parks and research.

I’m just not fond of branding myself and am not inclined to become an influencer and promote things. That seems so fake and vain. Besides, I’m old, which Facebook must not know with all their labeling me as a rising creator. I think creator means person who shares a lot of stuff.

In other news, I was working with Apache and walked him way over by the woods. While he was noshing away on some healthy grass, I spotted a raccoon in the stream!

Yeah, today I wouldn’t have blogged. But I committed to answering the prompt for all of September. Only three more days!

It was nice enough outside to do a Zoom meeting by the pool.

What Could I Do More Of?

What could you do more of?

I could do more home organizing and downsizing.

But since I need to do more procrastinating, I won’t.

You could always do more insect photography, Suna.

More tomorrow. I’m pretty tired from a GOOD lesson with the horses. Trot, trot, trot, trot. Apache was great.

The Best Advice (and horse stories)

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Gee, y’all, I’ve received a lot of good advice. I’ve been lucky to surround myself with wise women (and some treasured wise men), so good advice has flowed my way. Plus I read Brené Brown, so I’ve read a lot of good advice too.

But I’m supposed to share the best advice I ever received. I’ll share the on that came to my mind first.

Don’t let other people be your mirror.

My therapist, Victoria, used to say that when I would get all upset and believe what some of the more negative people in my life said about me. I’d keep seeing myself like my ex looked at me, people at jobs, etc. This advice helped me learn to value my own assessment of myself. I think back to it whenever I dive deep into self pity or negative self talk.

Maybe it will help you.

Horse Stories

I’ve been trying to not write about my horses, but sometimes I just want to share. And it IS my blog!

First. Today I was taking a walk to the mailbox (it’s my reward for editing three job aids). I looked over and saw good old Dusty grazing peacefully between me and the pond. I vaguely recognized the other horses were on the other side of the pond, next to the road.

Suddenly there came a thundering sound and, followed by splashing and branches snapping. Drew appeared from under the willow trees, running at full speed. He had run along the muddy shore of the pond and emerges with nostrils flaring and tail tossing. He galloped straight to poor Dusty, chomped him on the shoulder, them proceeded to buck, kick, and fling himself around like he was electrified.

Once he stopped, he nipped Dusty again then zoomed back to the other side of the pond, poked the other two horses, fell to his knees and rolled.

I wonder what was going on?

Second. Apache has been feeling better, and did fine on two fairly short rides since our last lesson. But today he was not happy when I tried to do a bit more work now that the weather broke slightly. He did the absolutely frightening thing where he shakes his head violently to get the reins out of my hands, puts his head down, kicks, and takes off. I am very proud that I have not fallen off.

Actually, I’m getting way better at getting the reins back, trying to relax, and getting him to stop, some of the time. Otherwise he heads toward the tack room like his life depends on it.

I figured it would not be a good idea to give him the idea that the ride will be over if he does this, so I let him sit and rest a while at the tack room, then got him to walk fairly calmly to the round pen where his halter was. He thinks that is also a place to stop, so he went along with it.

But I am proud of myself that I got him to make some figure eights, and sidepass (fairly well). When I got off, I decided to let him know the work doesn’t always end when his halter is back on. We went on a nice walk around the area, dearth with a scary dumpster very well, then had some nice together time where I let him graze on some long grass that’s way better for him than the new grass in his pasture.

I hope I did well, He was sure calmer by the time I took off his saddle. I just sometimes think I’m not cut out for this horse stuff. I’m STILL not a very good horse leader, apparently.

PS: Drew has been just fine. I love his trot.

Yes, There Are Athletes I Admire

Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.

Many of my friends aren’t fond of professional sports or the players. Trust me, I won’t argue that there are plenty of negative aspects, like head injuries, young people being taken advantage of, ridiculous ticket prices, gambling, drugs…etc.

But I can’t help being impressed with what some very wise athletes have done with their fame (in addition to making funny commercials and getting oh so wealthy (I see you Mannings and Mahomes). So, here are a few I admire.

Billy Jean King. It’s hard not to admire her. She took her platform as a tennis player and has not stopped using it to promote women’s rights and health. She’s still doing good work, with her weirdly brown hair for someone age 79.

Dak Prescott. Not only is he my favorite player on my favorite football team (Dallas Cowboys, for anti-US sports readers), but he won the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year for his extensive charity work. He has a good sense of humor, but seems very intelligent and willing to share his ridiculous income with others. He doesn’t seem busy only buying bling, dressing weird, and putting shiny stuff on his teeth (OK, I’ve seen his outfits; he does wear some unusual fashion). But heck, he’s exactly one month younger that my son, so he’s still a kid.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar. I’ve always admired him as a human being, even when I was very young. Yes, he was one of the greatest basketball players ever, but he’s also a brilliant thinker on history, race relations, religion, and more. He is a great speaker and writer, too.

So that’s the answer to the prompt. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I thought I’d share my rough afternoon. Here’s my Facebook post:

I get so tired of being weak and wimpy.
I’m very grateful for my kind horse.

I overheated riding today because I’d convinced myself it was “cooler” outside. I didn’t realize it, but I guess Apache did, because in the middle of our exercises he broke free and zoomed to the tack room and stopped. I was thinking, ooh, he’s not listening, so I need to get him to pay attention before I get off, so I tried to walk a few steps then stop. After the second time, he zipped to the round pen, where his halter was, walked a circle for me and stopped.

As we stopped I realized I was shaking all over and dizzy. When I dismounted I was nauseated. Apache walked slowly with me to the shade and just stood by me as I sat down to call Lee to come get me.

We both got hosed off, which helped. Now, maybe Apache had his own reasons for acting weird, but I appreciate that he got me to get off sooner than I’d planned. I wish the promised cooler (previously there was a “coojer” typo that was pretty funny) weather would show up! I’m hardly able to get anything done with the horses other than feeding and ground work.

The Weather Gods Smiled

Today was my first horse lesson since July. I was not sad to miss trying to learn while getting heatstroke. What a relief it was to have a break in the weather —two days with highs less than 100. Plus there were lovely clouds (Tarrin says it’s my job to bring them) and a nice breeze.

There was NO breeze at sunrise, so I sweated during horse and hay work.

I could concentrate on learning and so could the horses. Apache showed how hard he studied since I got back from Myrtle Beach and did his skills pretty well. I’m just so proud of him.

Drew has some work to do to get back his leg strength and re-learn to focus, but it shouldn’t take long. He’s still just the sweetest little boundary pusher.

I’m really not interested in sunset photography, Mom.

A bonus of getting home at sunset was seeing the beautiful full moon rise. It’s also a blue moon and I think a super moon? Anyway, I enjoyed watching it rise as the sky turned beautiful colors in every direction.

I couldn’t decide what parts of the sky were prettier. Judging from the impatient nickers I heard, the horses and Fiona weren’t as enthralled as I was. They did get their food!

It was a good day all around for me. I even got to have a work meeting with a Facebook friend, which was fun. We were tickled pink. I’m glad for these bright spots. The more glimmers the better!