Ramblings – Page 26 – The Hermits' Rest

What I’d Change Today

What would you change about modern society?

I looked at this question at just the right moment. I’m not my usual disappointed but quiet self on this particular topic. I’m actually feeling nauseated after reading that a nearby university has fired professors for criticizing the Governor of this fascist-leaning state and leading a liberal arts group. Fuck that. So, here’s what I’d change about modern society:

End the encouragement of divisiveness and distrust of fellow citizens. It does indeed distract folks from what’s actually going on. Not good.
Stop the headlong slide into fascism and dictatorship here and abroad. My Goddess, World War II wasn’t THAT long ago. I remember people making fun of Germans for following an obviously crazed and dangerous leader. Why is it cool now? Just because you’re pissed off that the gays, blacks, and others who were always here now get a voice, too? It doesn’t have to be us or them. We can ALL have a right to a good life.
End gun worship. Guns aren’t your children, best friends, or deities. They are tools that improperly used by people who hate their fellow humans to kill your children and best friends.
Make lying bad again. Let’s value truth and other positive character traits in our leaders, not lies and cruelty to others.
Remind “Christians” of what Jesus actually taught or find another word for the faction that’s giving Christianity a bad name. The Trumpians do not love their neighbors, care for the least among them, or welcome people different from themselves.
Stop censorship. Period. You can share your anti-human crap all you want, but let us share our thoughts, too.
Give women the autonomy to make my their own decisions. After all, we all used to live inside someone with a uterus.
Value life. Yes, even after conception. Care for our children, our elders, those of us with special needs, city dwellers, rural people…you know, people who are alive. I still can’t figure out why protecting children ends after they are born, leaving them to be abused, shot at, or worse.
Care about the planet we live on and protect its residents. I’m not saying don’t eat food. Just treat animals and plants well and manage them in positive ways.

Other than that, everything is fine.

I’d love to just fly away to somewhere peaceful. Where would that be, though?

I know I don’t live in a place where my dreams will come true. But I’ll do my part.

Remember I care about you even if you disagree with me. I’ve been patiently unfollowing people and snoozing others. I’ve deleted comments I know won’t make a difference. But I beg you, readers, to consider that someone from a different background may not be evil, and that there are many good, kind, and morally upright folks out there that may not share your spiritual or political beliefs.

Some glad morning when this life is over
I’ll fly away
To a home on God’s celestial shore
I’ll fly away…

Keep your beliefs and convictions. It’s your right. But. Please stop belittling others. You may be belittling someone you love.

Security for Me

Are you seeking security or adventure?

It was a pretty laid-back day, so I’ll answer the daily prompt. It’s an easy one! I’ve never been the adventurous type. I’m not especially fond of trying new things. I like comfort and familiarity. That’s why I have a good imagination; I can do risky things there.

Besides, I don’t have to go far to find beauty.

As I age, this is yet another of my proclivities that has mellowed. I’m finally trying out saying yes to invitations, moving outside my comfort zone, and just taking one step forward and seeing what happens.

Once again, the horsemanship experience has provided a relatively safe place to be adventurous. I learned to ride alone (until I got hurt). I then learned to communicate better with my horse. I finally trotted and didn’t die. Now I enjoy it. Maybe before Apache turns 20 we can canter together. That’s adventurous.

Sara realized that Apache, formerly known as Dingle or Dinghy, showed up at her house 14 years ago today. He was 4. I am hoping he stays as healthy as he is for a few more years! We both started our adventures together rather late, but we’re getting there.

Two things impress me about this picture of my two friends 14 years ago. One, his mane is so white. Two, Sara still wears that cap.

I think I’m always going to prefer security. My mind can go far as long as I feel safe in my home and loved by those who matter to me. it takes all kinds!

I hope this tiny caterpillar stays safe. It’s on a passion vine tendril that curled as I held it.

Anger Is Not My Friend

I don’t get angry often. My dad, who was usually funny and kind, scared the poop out of me when he got angry. And I’d cry. I ended up trying to avoid volatile people my whole life and still cope very poorly with being shouted at, even when I’m just perceiving it that way. One of my many “areas for growth.”

Birds are gathering here. Swallows on the front porch roof.

Because of all this, I’m terrible at expressing anger. I either cry or am so scary that I get criticized and berated for it. I try to let things go, breathe, and not let things beyond my control get to me. Until I don’t.

I regret to say I got angry and yelled at two people today. One person I really shouldn’t have expressed anything to, even though I wasn’t wrong to get upset. I’d repeatedly asked for something not to happen but it did anyway and I got a huge feeling of powerlessness and loss so I uncharacteristically yelled. Ugh. I should have just gone inside and cried over what I lost. Nothing will bring it back.

This kind of anger isn’t simple. Sadness and grief were I’m loved. There were underlying annoyances that I’d been keeping to myself that burst through. Not my finest moment, and I’ll have to be apologizing for not keeping things to myself better.

The second time I got angry was simpler. I was driving to lunch and came to the big four-way stop sign at a major-ish intersection not far from the ranch. This stopping place has red flashing lights, stop signs that frantically blink, and signs saying stop ahead.

I was slowing down, you know, to stop, as one does, when a big, white SUV flew through the intersection at over 70 mph (speed limit had lowered to 60 before the sign). The vehicle did not slow down one bit, and after I blew my horn, I watched it continue down the road at the same rate of speed until it finally stopped at a red light. I was glad to see the car had brakes.

That light, and a convenient slow truck ahead of the SUV enabled me to catch up to it and get a photo of the license plate. If you know this guy, tell him he could have killed someone today.

When we got to the main intersection in town, I needed to turn right, while SUV guy needed to turn left. I pulled up and saw an elderly fellow. I honked my horn and yelled “Please stop at stop signs!” Like that did any good at all.

Everyone at lunch said he probably wondered what was wrong with that hysterical old woman in the sporty car. He probably thought I was having hormonal issues.

Hmm. I do look a bit manic or like Goldie just passed gas nearby. Or like my dad. I’m angry Mr Kendall reincarnated.

I shouldn’t have road raged at the guy. I’m in Texas. He could have shot me. I have remained calm the rest of the day and will figure out how to make amends.

No one’s perfect. I’m sure not. And maybe it was the heat. 106° today. But I need to learn not to beat myself up for being human and be gentle with myself (and others). Sigh. Enough navel gazing. I can try again tomorrow.

Am I an Expert?

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

I read this blogging prompt and it made me say, “Hmm.” I hesitate to declare myself an authority on anything. Why? I know perfectly well that there’s always more to learn about anything. Perhaps folks who are authorities just know a lot more than most people, and my supposition that authorities think they know it all is just a prejudice of mine. I’m no authority on authorities!

I’m an authority on the art of barking all night and sleeping all day.

I also hesitate to declare myself an authority on any topic because it feels like bragging or trying to come off as better than others. To the contrary, I’ve noticed that each of us has areas of expertise, thanks to having strong interests in a specific area. My vast knowledge of knitting is no better or worse than Lee’s vast knowledge of Stoic philosophy. We like what we like.

All right then, so what do I think I know enough about that people might consult me if they have questions? (That’s my working definition of authority.)

English grammar and punctuation. I can be quite helpful or irritating on this topic. Dudes, I studied this for decades and then became an editor. I’m trying to lighten up in my old age. And since I was trained in linguistics, I’m completely at ease with having different guidelines for different contexts. I’m not going to pick on people for making mistakes, especially on social media. I make plenty of goofy errors myself when typing on the phone.
Teaching knitting and crochet. I no longer do it often, but I’m darn good at it. No, I’m not a design authority or the greatest knitter ever, but I’m a good teacher.
Plants and animals on my property. Yes. I’m the authority on that. No argument on this one, no doubt because no one else cares as much. I’ve got this endless blog and my iNaturalist observations to back me up. I’m still learning, though.

That’s about it. If you have other ideas, let me know. I’d also be interested if you could share which of your areas of interest have led you to become an authority.

Though I have devoted many hours of my life on it, I am no authority on nail polish. I did do a particularly good job applying this set of polish strips.

Grateful for Little Smiles

I’ve been needing something to smile about lately, and the Universe has provided. First, I’m grateful to have spent a few low-stress days with my household members, with lots of laughs and encouragement. You can’t beat that!

Even Lee’s ice cream bucket was smiling.

Besides that, one of my niggling worries is much lessened now. It looks like I’ll have another year at my job. Such good news! I do like my job and the people I interact with, for which I am also truly grateful.

My portulaca plants are growing, which makes me glad!

I’ve watched friends being kind and supportive of each other all week. In today’s combative climate, small things like opening doors for strangers, giving tokens of affection, and offering to help someone struggling mean a lot. I can’t be specific but it’s helpful to make the effort to notice these things, and to instigate them when you get a chance!

Lee made me this image. That was nice. It’s a scan of part of a poster.

What little things made you smile today? It’s worth the effort to try to recall those moments and appreciate them. Since I take so many photos, I can share a few more with you.

Enlarge to see the cheerful wiggly honey mesquite seed pods

Feelings about Horse Friends

The minute I saw Tarrin today for my lesson, I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, she’d just found out that a horse in our little community had passed away suddenly. The feelings that went through me right then awakened a deep truth in me.

A very brief weather event brought us comfort. Photo by Tarrin.

I realized that I feel connections with horses I know just like I do people. And I liked this horse very much. He was brave, funny, and very cool, not to mention gorgeous. And he’d had such an interesting life; he was a circus horse! He was lucky to spend his final years with a human who was devoted to him and learned so much to help him out.

I didn’t know him as well as Tarrin or Sara, who spent lots of time with him at shows and educational events, but I liked him, like I would a person. Yeah, I don’t know exactly why, but I cared about him a lot! I’m grieving for him and his human like I do when people I care about pass.

Don’t let anyone tell you animals are “just animals.” We can connect with them, too. The hardest part about having companion animals in our lives is knowing their lives tend to be shorter than ours. I still deeply miss my departed dogs.

My heart goes out to our community member who lost her equine friend. I sure gave all mine extra hugs today, even if they were all sweaty.

Sweaty me and sweaty Apache, with an extra cool cloud.

All our connections are meaningful. Go hug a dog, a cat, a horse, a human, or whatever living creature matters to you.

Bloggers Need Topics

I don’t have a topic today. Things are going along all right, with few exciting developments that I can talk about. That’s not bad at all. We all need some mostly drama-free periods in our lives.

The best thing about today was that there were a few clouds in the sky. The heat dome is moving away at last, and we will be back to normal levels of hotness.

The grass is turning it’s normal summer brown, though, and I saw my first cracks in the dirt today.

I’ve managed to not get too hot this week by doing horse things early, when I have no early meetings, and feeding the horses in a wet bathing suit. Hey, no one can see me! And Drew likes the pool water smell.

I like the smell of fresh trough water, myself.

Mostly I’ve been going through one of my awkward periods where I express myself poorly and upset people, or feel like a fifth wheel in conversations. I know when I start feeling bad about myself that it’s time to apologize, remind myself I’m as good a person as I can be, and to remember that sometimes your best isn’t good enough.

Yes, then I need to think about Apache and how long my well-meaning efforts weren’t enough for our relationship, but with some help, we got to communicate better. I’ll just listen to helpful people about remedying my faux pas and maybe do some improvements in interpersonal relationships. Being a hermit who wants to make friends is complicated!

Let’s talk about knitting. I finished row 2 of the second unit of the giant temperature blanket and can see it was warming up quickly once May rolled around (after the black square). We got our first red squares, which are over 90°. I was thinking today that I could enter the first bit in the art contest at the Master Naturalist conference. It’s a piece of citizen science, after all. I’d have to type up a nice legend and explanation.

One more piece is f good news is a volunteer tomato plant. It’s with the squash behind the chicken house. Just hope no one mows it! I keep forgetting to mark the “plants” as opposed to cockleburs.

I hope you’re all doing well. Please know that I care about you all, appreciate your feedback, and love hearing your own stories.

Obsessed with Roses?

I was looking around my bathroom after a shower and started laughing at myself. I realized I’ve amassed quite a collection of matching “beauty products” over the past few years. Yes, I love things that smell like a (real) rose.

I can’t grow roses for the life of me. This ranch is just not cut out for it, and believe me, I’ve tried. But I have loved the smell since I was much younger. I remember paying a lot of money (for an impoverished grad student) for attar of rose oil from my local purveyor (who, believe it or not, is still out there purveying). Pansies remain my favorite flower to look at, but roses are right there at number 2. How do I know? As I was blogging away, I lifted my head and saw this:

Yes, my view is two pieces of pansy art and one piece of rose art.

Back to my bathroom, I recently discovered my absolute favorite rose product. It’s an oil sold by Doterra, that I’ve been using on my face at night.

This Moringa Rose Nourishing Oil has kept my face calm and cool while I am outside so much and sweating a lot. Normally I turn quite red, but this (along with my morning stuff) has really made a difference. And OMG what a great smell to go to sleep with! I have no idea what moringa oil is, but it feels good.

The oil came with a “hydrosol” spray mist that I put on my hair, or all over me after swimming. It’s nice and light. I’d run out of my previous rose mist spray, so I am glad this came along.

(Secretly, if I advertised it, I could sell Doterra products, so you could get some of this stuff for yourself. I’m not a high-pressure sales gal, so this offer won’t be repeated any time soon.) By the way, the rose duo re-stocks July 1, I just discovered when I went to order a second set, so I won’t ever run out.

I need roses in the morning, too, but I found something that doesn’t cost mega-bucks that cleans me up and prepares my old and wrinkly face for my moisturizing stuff. I like this Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water in Rose (of course), because I can put it on a cloth or cotton pad and wipe it on. I make a huge mess trying to splash water all over my head, which is why I switched from Rodan + Fields cleanser when it stopped being a cream I could wipe on.

If I want to smell really rosy and won’t be around Lee any time soon, I have a selection of rose perfumes and colognes. The one I use all the time now is one I got in Colorado whenever I was last there. First, it comes in a beautiful bottle, and second, it’s quite realistic. Some rose perfumes smell fake. Rose perfumes can also be heavy, so I’m glad this one has hibiscus to perk it up. Get yourself some here. I get nothing from this link, other than happiness.

I am not done, nope, not by a long shot. I have to shower, don’t I? That means I need shampoo, moisturizer, and bath gel. Of course, I found the right stuff.

I do have rose deodorant, too. Sadly, it doesn’t smell particularly rosy to me. I think it smells more like a coconut. I like coconuts, though, so I’ll use it up and see if I can find something I like better next time.

I have no more photos, but I happen to know there is a bath gel and cleanser in the RV from the Body Shop. I need to smell good when traveling. Now, that’s not true. I get pretty grimy after all those hikes and explorations. But, I try.

I hope you liked this little change of pace and glimpse into my beauty product lair.

Suna and Skippy the Butterfly

Yesterday, I was floating in my pool float, a thing I do most days after horse activities. There are often various insects in the pool. So far it’s mostly been flying ants, pill bugs, and scorpions (which float to the bottom). For a while there were tiny moths and crane flies. I’d never seen a butterfly, though, until I saw one floating between my legs.

I first tried to shoo it under the float, but it wouldn’t go anywhere. So then I scooped it up with my hands. I saw that it was a fiery skipper, a common little visitor around here.

As soon as my finger touched the butterfly, it took hold of it. At first, Skippy (I got to know it so well that I named it) didn’t look too good. Its wings were wet, its abdomen was droopy, and its legs were flat. Poor waterlogged little thing! I felt the least I could do was let it recover a bit.

This may be my only other non-blurry photo of one of these.

So, I floated around, sipped on my water, and watched Skippy. The first thing Skippy did was stick out its proboscis and drink some water off my finger. That was fun to watch. Soon, the antennae started moving a bit. I thought maybe Skippy was ready to get off, so I tried to encourage it to go onto the patio by shaking my finger. Skippy held tight.

So, fine. I watched the clouds and birds, and kept floating. Soon, Skippy’s abdomen raised up and looked perkier. Its legs unfolded a bit, and it moved around a little. That was encouraging.

I’d say it took another ten minutes before Skippy started walking around on my finger. I guessed it was waiting for its wings to dry about. I enjoyed looking at its big black eyes and checking out the little bulbs at the ends it each antenna. This was about as good a chance to study a live butterfly as I will ever get.

Suddenly, Skippy pooped, or peed, or something. The abdomen bobbed up and down a couple of times, and poof! Skippy skipped off across the grass, headed towards the trees. I think helping this creature made me feel better about not helping the armadillo yesterday.

I also saw this most excellent beetle yesterday, good ole *Enaphalodes taeniatus.* A beetle this cool deserves a fun common name and a long Wikipedia article. But nope. These mainly live from around here south into Mexico.

Today was a fine day. Horses were great, other than Apache not wanting to get caught. It’s hard to catch him, since all three other horses and Fiona come right up and mill around me. It’s pretty comical. They think they should all get treats for being so good, I guess. Fiona just about glues herself to me and Dusty is not much better!

The most fun thing today was that I picked 5 cups of mustang grapes across the road from us. I’m sure Hank across the street thought I was crazy for standing in the heat picking weeds. I thought he wasn’t wise to be jogging in a heat advisory, so we’re even!

Fresh grapes! I had to dodge a lot of garden spiders to get them.

I cooked the grapes with a bunch of sugar and a little lemon. When grapes popped out of their skins, they looked like floating eyes (great Halloween trick, because it sort of looked like eyeballs in blood). Luckily it all cooked down.

Eyeballs had not appeared yet when I took this.

After it was cooked, I strained it through a mesh colander and got pretty purée. It thickened well in the refrigerator, and it was delicious over vanilla ice cream. The color was bright fuchsia. The sauce is tart but has a nice grape flavor, too. If I was good at canning, I’d have made jam.

That was a great ending to a pleasant evening of swimming and eating sloppy joes with friends. Now on to another work week!

Do I Have a Tagline?

If humans had taglines, what would yours be?

Suna, she means well, honest

Yep. I think that does it. Now that I’ve stopped trying to please people who aren’t going to be pleased, now that I accept and like my flawed self, and now that my goals focus on enjoying watching the seasons pass and spreading kindness, I’m fine with a tagline that acknowledges my attempts often fall short of the mark. What matters to me most is that my intentions are to be a good person who leaves the world in a better place when I’m gone.

The tagline may not sound like much, but it’s been hard to get there. I work every day to be less judgmental, less sarcastic, and more accepting of people who aren’t like me. It’s a good goal.

View from hotel room in Cedar Park, Texas. I miss the limestone and the hills of where I used to live sometimes. Not enough to live in the suburbs again. Ever. Please.

Tonight my goal is to try to get some sleep after part 1 of a root canal and a lot of driving. Since my hotel last night wasn’t up to Hilton standards and work frustrated me like it usually doesn’t, today seemed very long, indeed, even if I did enjoy being back at the Dell office.

I just adore an office view (sung to the Green Acres theme song)

But, hey, I got a GOOD car wash and restocked all animal feed on my way back to Cameron. I did get at least something done!