Do We Ever Grow Up?

I’m beginning to think the answer to this question is a decisive “no.” I’m darned disappointed in myself these days, because I find myself falling into old patterns, forgetting lessons I thought I’d learned, and pretty much pissing off people I’d prefer to not piss off. And I sit here trying to work but with chest pains and a giant eye tic. Old patterns bring old results.

And then, of course, rather than being gentle with myself and remembering that we always have ups and downs, I’m angry and disappointed with myself for being so needy and such an annoyance. Then I go on to remind myself that, for goodness’ sake, my little emotional turmoil and angst is not important in the grand scheme of things, and certainly not the responsibility of anyone other than me to deal with.

So, this blog is my attempt to remind myself that my issues are mine to deal with, and that asking for support or reassurance is not always a good idea. There’s a time and place for everything, including getting help with things I’m worried about. I’m really sorry that I’ve been a pain in the butt to people I consider in my inner circle.

I need to grow up!

Today I’m making a strong effort to remember my boundaries and respect the boundaries of others, to keep my inner circle small and trustworthy, and to stop thinking I’m a part of things that are truly outside of my realm. That last one keeps biting me on the butt, like when I thought because I was part of the ownership team of a company, I was entitled to know more about what was going on than I actually am. Today I thought I needed to take care of details about the vacation rental I own but realized that’s not for me to worry about. I just stick my nose into everything when I’m not careful! Time to be more careful and stop being annoying. And for sure, no one needs me to provide updates about anything.

I’ve enjoyed lecturing myself today. I think it helps to write it down, and by sharing it on the blog, I think I’ll be more likely to hold myself accountable and do keep doing the things I need to go to get back to loving myself, staying out of things I have no business getting into, and most important, remembering I’m not the only one with issues so it behooves me to treat others the way I’d like to be treated.

In other words, it’s time to grow up. Again.

(I’m fine, don’t need advice or professional help (I have it), and just hope people who care will help keep me accountable.)