personal growth – The Hermits' Rest

Hard Goals

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

As tired as I am, I can answer this one (I don’t answer blog prompts lately because I’ve answered most of them). That’s good, because it was another day of barely getting through work and not being able to do much more.

I finished coloring this. It took a week or so in small doses.

So, I’ve probably mentioned this before and will again. But for years I had a hard time being the person I felt I could be, and it turns out I had a lot to do with it. Thanks to some issues in my birth family and an inherently sensitive nature, I was always very hard on myself.

I never met my own expectations. Any mistake I made lingered in my mind for a long time. I’d replay “dumb” things I said over and over. And I would constantly talk to myself in ways no one would talk to someone they cared about. I was ugly, fat, stupid, and so on. I was not nice to me.

Since I AM actually pretty smart and intuitive, I figured out that I was not helping myself with the negative self talk. So I had some therapy, talked things out with a group of safe and understanding women, meditated (a lot, still do), and read.

I’m very pleased to have come across the writing of Brené Brown. I’m also pleased someone made me read a self-help book. I find most of them really simplistic or not right for me. Her first few books opened my eyes to how much I was affecting my own self worth, and by that, encouraging others to pick at me or devalue me. Figuring out that I wasn’t the only one doing this to myself was a huge revelation. I got a much better outlook and began to heal.

I got tested a lot in this healing phase. Since I came to Cameron, a couple of people (who of course are suffering from their own internal battles) tried their best to break me down, give the community a bad impression of me, and hurt others I cared about. I’ve had some very hard times here in rural Texas, where even in a good day I’m a square peg not even trying to fit into a round hole.

But, one day, right after a very mean person was mean to me, something snapped in my brain. I told my patterns I was sick and tired of them and vowed to reframe the situation every time I started to berate myself.

Get this. It worked. After a while, weird thoughts like how good I felt, or how peaceful life was began to replace sadness. My negativity patterns have gone into background mode, and I feel so much better. Sure, that stuff is still down there and today’s trying times make feeling good about anything difficult. Yet, I honestly feel good about myself, like myself, and don’t beat myself up when I screw up (much). And of course, the horse riding lessons helped me practice gaining self confidence.

I kept telling myself I was fine just as I was and that it’s perfectly okay that not everybody likes me until it became true. I’ve even learned a bit about how to perform the once-mysterious act of “letting other people’s negativity slide right off my back.”

Maybe that’s why these bluebirds of happiness keep following me.

I try to cut others some slack, and accept those around me who confuse me just as they are. I just hope they find peace and joy on their path.

Who IS THIS version of Suna? She’s different. Not perfect, not better than anyone else, but at a good place in her spiritual journey.

So, blog prompt readers, loving myself and treating myself kindly were my hardest goals.

Now I’ll move on towards being less judgmental (making good progress), and being so afraid to speak up about what I see as wrong. There’s always room for improvement!

Trying Is So Vital

It very well could be that some of you are sick of me going on and on about learning to canter on horseback. After all, little kids just jump on horses and take off, flying like the wind—how hard can it be?

Looks so easy, huh? Not for me and my horse buddy. Photo from Pexels.

Hmph. I was told recently that it’s also hard for many young people to learn. So there. And I think many young people feel braver because they haven’t developed a fear of a crippling injury like, say, blue-haired women over 65.

I’m gonna share old photos of me and Apache. I was only 56 here in 2014, doing groundwork.

Me and Apache following Sara and Spice in 2018.

I started lessons on Apache because I felt incompetent and was worried I’d hurt myself in a fall when riding alone. I was ok walking, but I didn’t like going fast, even trotting. But I wanted to try to conquer my fears.

Me trying not to be afraid, 2016, Anita on dear Pardner

I lucked out and found a trainer who understands both horses and people, and doesn’t force either to do things they aren’t ready for. So we walked a lot at first. And I found out it wasn’t just me who needed help, Apache had to un-learn some unhelpful patterns and have his health issues addressed.

So yeah, this horse thing has been a slow process, but I haven’t given up, even when I’m afraid. Now I’m less afraid than uncertain about whether I can do things. But Tarrin has convinced me that I won’t know until I try. It works, and has spilled over into other areas of my life, where I have more self confidence.

2016. I was braver riding with friends !

I went from hanging on for dear life while trotting to actually having some finesse and skill with it. And Apache has learned how to do the trot more effectively, which means it’s easier on me. I like that we’re both learning in our golden years. We’ve become a team. We’re a slow team but we keep trying. And I think we both enjoy it.

So today, I was happy to see a much less crusty Apache greet me in the morning. He also seemed to feel a lot better than he did earlier in the week. We ended up having a great lesson after a slow warmup. He cantered well enough that we went into the round pen to try under saddle again.

2015, one of our first Parelli lessons. Awkward.

I’m feeling more confident just from having done the canter lessons before. I feel okay going so fast and jumping before cantering. Today we made it halfway around the circle, not just a few steps. I even sorta lost my balance and fixed it. That makes me feel better about staying on.

I know I have friends competing in dressage or roping or barrel racing for whom this seems like remedial education. But it’s where I’m at and I’m still trying. Sure, we could have gotten to this point faster if certain horses could have stayed healthier, but yay, we’re still here and having fun.

If we don’t try, we won’t get anywhere.

Little Things Add Up

I woke up this morning struggling with some of my “areas for improvement,” and I wasn’t feeling well at all. I’m grateful that I e trained myself to find the good around me, and after adding up all that fine energy, I ended the day with a smile on my face.

This heron caught something tasty in the middle of this pasture. That’s a good little thing.

I struggled a bit with what I was working on this morning, thinking it just wouldn’t do. But I went to lunch with my friends and ended up enjoying two new people, and chatting with them about their lives helped me out of a downward spiral. Another good little thing!

It was slightly cooler, so I enjoyed my morning bird walk without becoming soaked. Small win!

I went to a meeting after lunch and was able to brainstorm solutions to a problem and then got help on what I was working on. Just a little feedback and collaboration and I felt more confident. The collaboration and support we give each other in this job is gratifying!

The soapberry trees are blooming now and they smell great. Another small thing.

I sent my draft document to the person who’d requested it, and he liked it! I got quite happy about then. Plus I heard that (after much effort by me and my nurse-practitioner) my thyroid medication was approved by my health insurance, and I managed to figure out why I couldn’t enter my expenses from my trip and got that done! Win win win!

Green Heron preening. It was joined by ibises flying overhead today! Wow!

And to top off the list of small but good things, Vicki came over and we rode horses together. The weather was unbelievable for August, very pleasant with light cloud cover. Only the horses got all sweaty.

Apache was in good form and practiced all his tasks very well. The best part for me was that because we went to the round pen so Vicki could ride Drew with some boundaries, Apache and I had lots of time to practice our walk-trot transitions. At some point I realized we were having a great time together. Drew was a challenge, but Vicki handled him very well. She is far more confident than I am on him.

I could have ridden for hours in that lovely weather, but we ended at a successful point. I even practiced getting correct bends with Apache on the way back.

Oh, one more Apache story. Today I figured out why he was refusing to jump over the cavalettis. After he refused three times again today, I went over there and found a large Yellowjacket nest. He was trying to tell me! There was also a nest on the mounting block, and I eliminated both nests. Moral: listen to your horse.

I’m glad I paid attention today! Those were so many fine little things.

Three Significant Books

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

I have chosen three books (I actually discuss five, but one is a runner-up and two are related) that shaped me in that magical period when I was transitioning into an adult and my capacity for intellectual growth was at its peak. Each book was written when I was testing limits, making poor decisions I search of good decisions, and preparing to emerge a more rational and stable human. I’m grateful to have learned from these authors.

Metaphors We Live By

This book is by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson, two important scholars in pragmatics, the field I studied in graduate school. The thesis of the book is this:

The book suggests metaphor is a tool that enables people to use what they know about their direct physical and social experiences to understand more abstract things like work, time, mental activity and feelings. Wikipedia

My thinking about how society works, how media persuades audiences to, and how politicians manipulate the public have all been deeply affected by the ideas in this book.

My favorite example is the pervasiveness of the war metaphor. It’s one reason I can’t stand the phrase, “shoot me an email.” Business communication is just crawling with war terminology. Business is war. Politics is war. Love is a battlefield. This book was the impetus for me being me.

I recommend George Lakoff’s other works, as well. Once you start to see metaphors embedded in the language around you, you can’t forget it.

The Color Purple

I’m guessing most of you have been exposed to this work, originally a 1982 book by Alice Walker, in one form or another. I read it when it first came out, having read no reviews and knowing nothing about the author. This means my experience of The Color Purple wasn’t influenced by any preconceptions.

I was 24 when I read it. I’d never read an epistolary novel before, so I was charmed by the letter-writing format and how clearly the writer’s voice came through in each letter. I was also still fairly naive about how horrible humans can be to each other. The resilience and bravery the characters in the book affected me deeply.

The Color Purple told me that I, too, could survive and thrive in a world that threw many challenges at me. The characters have never left me and I’m not sure why.

I did love the film with Oprah Winfree in it. I just experienced it differently and got additional insights into the strength it takes to be your authentic self. I haven’t seen any other version and I’m okay with that. This is my favorite novel.

Runner Up: The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood (1985). I can’t bring myself to watch the television series. This book was too prescient.

The Woman’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets and The Skeptical Feminist

These are two books by Barbara G. Walker, also a prominent knitting writer of this time period. Both came out in the mid-1980s. These books introduced me to the idea of the maiden, mother, and crone archetypes.

The encyclopedia was my first introduction to feminist theology, and though it suffered from the same issues as many early neopagan writing (interpreting historical references and artifacts to support a mythical matriarchal past world, etc.), it still taught me enough to get me started on a lifetime of spiritual exploration. I can still remember sitting in my bedroom in Urbana, Illinois devouring this book when I should have been dissertating.

The Skeptical Feminist may not be in print anymore, but it reassured me that my weird philosophical leanings since childhood weren’t signs of insanity—I just didn’t have the words and concepts to explain my vague yearnings to be one with nature. It also reassured me that I don’t have to “believe in” some deity to apply archetypes and metaphors (them again) as I forge my own beliefs. Whew.

I use this information today as I draw from the wisdom of Jesus without identifying as Christian and take comfort in Buddhist ideas without adhering strictly to any form. It’s so helpful in these times.

Harmony, Before the Storm

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

I’m pretty tired from moving things to minimize potential tropical storm damage and a bit warm because I’m sleeping in the upstairs bedroom with no air conditioning. I have a fan and an open window, at least until rain starts. So, I’ll answer this blog prompt quickly.

For the sake of harmony I’ve let go of any drive I have to clarify my perspective on things that happen to me. I don’t need to prove I’m right or justified to anyone else. That’s led to a lot of harmony.

I’ve also let go of the desire to have a say in current or future plans that involve anyone other than myself. It’s not worth trying to provide input or ask questions that will come across as nosy. I make my own plans for things that are just my “stuff” and do my best to let people who are affected know. I try, anyway. That’s just how I do things. I don’t need to know what other folks are up to (in general, not making a barbed comment). I just used to be way too curious/interested.

There’s probably more, but it boils down to learning to stay in my own lane, accept changes and new situations as gracefully as I can muster, and let go of expectations. This makes work, community life, and family life much less stressful for me and reduces at least some potential conflict.

And gives me more time to enjoy the weather.

For every situation there’s more than one right solution and it’s not my job to find it every time! And I don’t HAVE to share my opinion so much. That has been hard to learn and I’m not quite as far along as I’d like to be. But since I started out as the annoying student who raised her hand to answer the teachers’ questions every single time, I had a long way to go.

Curious as to what these are? I’ll tell you! They are seed pods of the beautiful pitcher’s leather flower vine *Clematis pitcheri*

Now to keep my phone charged in case we lose power. Beryl should not be too bad this far north. Think about our family on the Texas coast and my Houston friends!

It Pays to Have a Backup Horse

Whew. I was so tired last night that I couldn’t write anything. But a good sleep works wonders. I’m here to share about coping with the unexpected and my favorite obsession, personal growth.

Flowers are another obsession. This buttercup is white!

Ha, you thought horses and birds were my favorite obsessions! I’m just so effing happy to have achieved my goals of being centered and flexible in the face of challenges and changes! That’s hard work for the chronically anxious!

I’ve been mentioning that Apache, my horse who’s always on the verge of some issue, has had trouble walking since the farrier came last week. The good news is that he seems to be doing a bit better and is walking normally. But he certainly wasn’t ready for a horse show yesterday.

But, I had a backup horse who is slightly less lame than Apache and who happened to already be at the trainer’s place for rehab. Drew goes to the vet to get his back worked on Tuesday and is still touchy on this right side, so I couldn’t ride him.

But we did shows in hand all through 2022, so Tarrin suggested we do that. Ok…

I woke up yesterday and realized I no longer remembered the pattern for the Functionality/Dressage part of the show. So I printed it out, put on a patently unflattering shirt, and gathered up by show halter and some food. I’d just wing it.

I studied while Sara and Aragorn brought me to the show, found Droodles, and got him ready. I did some warmup stuff and he seemed fine. I should have walked him around the arena area a bit more. I was avoiding it and the judging area, because I thought you were supposed to do that, so I just walked him through some familiar obstacles to get used to working together after two months of not interacting.

That was a mistake, as Sara pointed out later.

The new friend who was doing in hand with her beautiful leopard Appaloosa did really well with the pattern, and I reminded myself where to turn for the second big circle.

Angie and Newt do fine by the judges table.

When it was our turn, my plan was to see if he’d trot, and otherwise walk. He didn’t trot, but that was fine. When we went to make our first big circle, a gust of wind came up and he spooked. The judges’ table had Tarrin’s annoying flappy tablecloth on it, and Drew didn’t like that. We didn’t even make a circle and got a 0. We preceded to fail at the next two instructions, but made it to where we were supposed to back up.

From the video Sara took. Not a happy guy.

That was directly in front of the flappy tablecloth. I got to demonstrate my ability to calm a horse down for what seemed like the longest minute of my life. I was mortified when Tarrin started helping me rather than judging, but I kept calm, and he eventually backed up a few steps.

Off topic, but look! A huge flick of migrating pelicans flew over!

I was able to do a couple of turns with him, but then started the second circle the wrong direction, even after trying to remind myself earlier. I was very proud that I just said “oops” to myself and did it right, with Drew cooperating! We got a 7 on that, and were able to finish the course correctly.

What was so good about that? I didn’t fall apart or get upset at Drew. I just kept going. I think we actually may have done worse early on, but I was pleased with my 47% score. It means we didn’t get all 0.

I got to relax while the advanced people did their stuff.

I won’t write out the Trail part of the show in excruciating detail. The above was so I’ll remember. I put Drew away and loved on him, then enjoyed everyone else. It was especially interesting because there were a couple of new participants and one experienced rider brought a new horse. Of course, Sara and Aragorn were magnificent.

The Trail part was a fresh start, and while it remained incredibly windy, Drew was fine. I realized my old horse was back, right from the start, abandoned my plan of walking the whole thing, and went for it! We had lots of fun, and most mistakes were all mine! We got a 67% with a couple of 9 scores on obstacles, including our favorite, the jump. That’s a great score.

That just shows how much it pays to not give up. It was a great experience, plus I got to enjoy watching others, like my friend Jackie doing what I would have done with Apache as well as can be done. They are only in Beginner because Jambo can’t canter anymore. But whoa, can he walk and trot. It was beautiful and a great role model of what to aim for.

Seeing all the horses try their best, and especially watching Sara’s level where both horses have overcome health issues and are now thriving, was really a pleasure.

I was Aragorn’s “groom” while Sara called obstacles for other riders.

I like that our little group is such a warm and supportive community. It makes showing fun, even when it’s a little stressful.

Maizie showed two horses, her palomino, fresh out of rehab, and Tarrin’s personal horse.

I sure was tired, though. After being a tour guide on Friday and sitting for hours in the wind, I was a zombie all evening! Glad for a break today.

Nothing is better than looking at pretty horses.

Thanks to anyone who read this!

Do We Ever Grow Up?

I’m beginning to think the answer to this question is a decisive “no.” I’m darned disappointed in myself these days, because I find myself falling into old patterns, forgetting lessons I thought I’d learned, and pretty much pissing off people I’d prefer to not piss off. And I sit here trying to work but with chest pains and a giant eye tic. Old patterns bring old results.

Like a moth, I need to stop flying into flames that aren’t the right kind.

And then, of course, rather than being gentle with myself and remembering that we always have ups and downs, I’m angry and disappointed with myself for being so needy and such an annoyance. Then I go on to remind myself that, for goodness’ sake, my little emotional turmoil and angst is not important in the grand scheme of things, and certainly not the responsibility of anyone other than me to deal with.

There are plenty of areas I can enjoy and not bother anyone. Like fish crows.

So, this blog is my attempt to remind myself that my issues are mine to deal with, and that asking for support or reassurance is not always a good idea. There’s a time and place for everything, including getting help with things I’m worried about. I’m really sorry that I’ve been a pain in the butt to people I consider in my inner circle.

I need to grow up!

Today I’m making a strong effort to remember my boundaries and respect the boundaries of others, to keep my inner circle small and trustworthy, and to stop thinking I’m a part of things that are truly outside of my realm. That last one keeps biting me on the butt, like when I thought because I was part of the ownership team of a company, I was entitled to know more about what was going on than I actually am. Today I thought I needed to take care of details about the vacation rental I own but realized that’s not for me to worry about. I just stick my nose into everything when I’m not careful! Time to be more careful and stop being annoying. And for sure, no one needs me to provide updates about anything.

Why am I whining when I have this nice place to hang out? I can be a doofus sometimes!

I’ve enjoyed lecturing myself today. I think it helps to write it down, and by sharing it on the blog, I think I’ll be more likely to hold myself accountable and do keep doing the things I need to go to get back to loving myself, staying out of things I have no business getting into, and most important, remembering I’m not the only one with issues so it behooves me to treat others the way I’d like to be treated.

In other words, it’s time to grow up. Again.

(I’m fine, don’t need advice or professional help (I have it), and just hope people who care will help keep me accountable.)

I’m weird

What is one word that describes you?

This question made me smile. I’ve felt weird my whole life. I made up a club called the Weird Happys (sic.) in middle school and invited all my interesting, smart, non-traditional friends to join.

I’m a weird donkey who escaped after dinner.

I’ve always been weird, non-standard and rather off center. That’s never been a problem except when I wanted someone I found fascinating and atypical to be my friend, but it turned out I wasn’t their kind of weird. Trying to fit in NEVER has worked. I eventually wear out my welcome and am shown the door. Like:

My previous job
My church (was informed I no longer fit their demographic because I liked small, community oriented congregations)
The animal welfare group I helped found (those of you who know, know why)
La Leche League (turns out I’m not a good cult candidate)
The yarn shop friends where I used to teach knitting and crochet (some individuals are still friendly, though)
My book group (they ghosted me!)
My marriage to my kids’ dad
Etc.

I felt bad about these things at the time, but now I realize I don’t need to put my weirdness where it bothers others. I have choices, and it’s better to be true to myself than to try to fit in.

These guys just deal with my weirdness because they have no choice. Awww.

Anyway, my word is weird, and I’m happy now. I’ll enjoy the communities I have now while I can, and move on gracefully when it becomes apparent that I’m not a good fit.

I’ll be as graceful as blue-eyed grass, which appeared this week.

But hey, I still feel accepted by most people in my Master Naturalist group (I don’t expect them to all love me, just to work together). And I’m doing okay in the little horse community I’ve found myself in, thanks to us all loving horses! That’s plenty of folks to be weird around.

I am glad folks accept that I get frustrated when I can’t ID a plant.

Plus, my hobbies and family keep me happy and centered. I can be a Weird Happy!

From the Pit to the Pinnacle

Whew. This has been a weird-ass week. I was really pessimistic about work over the weekend, and Monday I found out some changes were happening, right when I was supposed to be gearing up to contribute to an initiative.

But, I wrote myself that perky pushback post, read some of my other messages to myself, and by gosh, I pushed back. I figured out a way to empower one part of my team, make their work more visible, and engage other folks to share their value.

I only had three half days to do this, and I required help, but it happened. One of my colleagues really stepped up to help, and between the two of us, we went from feeling defeated to feeling renewed. We could have just sat there in Eyore mode and moped, but no, we did something.

I was a little worried about the amount of initiative I took, but after enduring me excitedly outline my plans, my boss was impressed, not upset. I felt supported and validated. All it took was leadershipping, as we call it.

Knowing that I’ve developed the skills to pick myself up and start again validates the hard work I’ve put into becoming the person I’d always hoped I could be. You really do have to slog through the pits if you want to reach the pinnacle of your personal growth goals.

On to the next challenge.

By the way, we stayed at a hotel near Tyler, Texas last night. It’s known for its roses, so I had to take some pictures for the blog readers. The white ones even smelled good.

No, You’re Not Responsible for the Happiness of Others

Here is a post where I lecture myself and remind myself of how one of my personality features bites me in the butt, repeatedly, for the same dang thing. It’s bugging me so much that I’ve started writing my own passive aggressive memes about it. I put a picture of Fiona enjoying Johnson grass under the words “You are responsible for your own happiness.” I felt good.

May be an image of animal, outdoors and text that says 'You are & responsible for your own happiness 0' — Fiona knows this!

And, by the way, I am still occasionally annoyed beyond belief when people post thinly disguised “messages” to folks who are in their disfavor via memes. On the other hand, some of Kathleen’s do make me laugh, so I’m not saying y’all should never do it. Perhaps I just don’t like the ones aimed at me. Wow, that makes me sound like a jerk. Newsflash: I AM a jerk, at least in the eyes of some people. Hey, it reminds me of another meme I wrote years ago: No one is universally beloved unless they are boring as hell.

Where I’m going here is that I keep re-learning is that it’s not my job to “make” anyone else happy. In fact, when I try to do so, it usually blows up in my face in a spectacular manner. And I’m the one who gets hurt. That’s why I wrote a meme to remind myself. It said: “Reminder time: You’re not responsible for the happiness of others.”

I’ve probably mentioned this before, since I’ve been blogging so long, but indulge me as I repeat that one of my “features” is that I find sad people, see their good points, and want to help them become happier. This started in my twenties, where I tried to help a paranoid grad school friend realize that people weren’t always talking about him behind his back and the professors didn’t hate him just because one didn’t say hello in the hall. I knew I couldn’t “fix” him, but wanted to make things easier on him. Of course, he hurt me badly in the end. And I didn’t really help. I heard from him a few years ago, and he was still thinking everyone was out to get him. I didn’t contact him again.

Moving forward, many (okay, most) of my “love affairs” I now see as me trying to help someone sad feel better. Coincidentally, many had some pretty severe mental illnesses they were living with (a LOT of borderline personality disorder). I’d help with their self esteem and get them to a better place by being kind and listening a lot, but I couldn’t “cure” them, just show that they are worth caring for just as they are. Once that message sunk in, they’d move on to someone more well suited to them. And I’d be sad. I do hope the new relationships went well. And hey, I did eventually see my destructive pattern and STOP IT. Lee’s the last sad person I rescued, lol. I was also sad, though, so this time it was mutual, and we are sticking together through thick and thin.

It wasn’t just people I “fell in love” with. I also would come across younger folks and want to help them get a good start in life. Some of those actually worked out very well, and I have some great friends living wonderful, independent lives. But, I was still drawn toward people whose issues were really not something I could do anything about. I couldn’t “make” them happy by providing them with a safe home, sharing experiences with them, giving them tools for their hobbies, or anything. Mostly I now have a lot of baking and art supplies to show for that.

At least two of these people I tried to help and even brought into my home ended up lecturing me for being kind to them just to make me look good. I took that to heart. Maybe a lot of it was MY problem, not theirs. Ugh. All this self-evaluation is not fun or pretty. But I hope I learned the lesson that each of us is responsible for our own happiness, and while giving people a chance is good, they need to find their own way.

I need to keep writing myself some memes, though, because it has dawned on me that I’ve been trying to make life better to some other folks, STILL. I spend so much mental effort trying to figure out ways to make their lives easier and more pleasant. I want the people in my home and work life to feel like they’re contributing to society, cared for, and not alone. That’s probably okay. I still can’t “make” anyone feel less depressed, less unfulfilled, or satisfied with where their life has ended up. It’s not my job.

I say all that to try to reinforce it in my head. I’m NOT a failure if people I care about are not handling things well. I can’t rescue anyone, including myself! So, right now I’m working to get a better balance between caring for others and protecting myself from hurt. I know I’m not alone in this, but it’s damned hard. I’m not doing a good job of it a lot of the time. I’m wired to be an annoying rescuer, and I’m sure it came from growing up with a powerless, mentally ill mother, or whatever.

All’s not lost, though. I’ve been learning a lot in working with my team in Austin, and my boss has come up with this helpful way of looking at the mentor-mentee relationship. And that’s that the mentor can only give 50% of the effort in improving situations. The other person ALSO has to give their own 50%. Expecting someone to fix everything for you never works; you have to put in the effort. Thanks, boss, you super-stoic.

Sara and Ace are the perfect example. Each of them has to be doing their part for their horse-rider relationship to grow.

Forgive me if I’ve ever tried to help you and it made you upset or angry. I’m doing it because I also need help, ya know? Eventually I’ll figure out a balance between being part of a supportive community for those who could use some help and supporting my own self. Maybe even I’ll do better at asking for help. Those are some big dreams.

Until then, I’ll look for memes.

PS: On the podcast, I added that I may not have been clear here. I’m not saying you can’t support, love, and cherish people who are struggling, nor that you shouldn’t. I was trying to just make it clear that you can’t force people to not feel the way they feel. Did that help?