love – Page 2 – The Hermits' Rest

What a Sap

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Yeah, it’s sappy, and awe came in a close second, but I am positive that the positive emotion I feel most often is love. I’m always feeling love for something or someone. Not romantic hormonal love, but more the enduring emotional attachment kind of love.

Apache feels great love for his food dish, most days.

Today was farrier day, so I spent a long time with the horses again. I feel so much love for each of them (and Fifi), and it’s different for each, like a mother’s love for her children. Tarrin said she liked how I speak kindly to my horses…and I do get sorta blubbery around them. They may not understand my words, but they can discern my feelings.

Fiona wants you to know I laughed at her for stepping in her food bucket. She’d been picking it up and banging it against the gate like a prisoner asking out of jail.

Mabel got lots of love today, because she was the calmest she’s ever been getting her feet done, and she was able to stretch her legs out and put them on the stand, which means she looked pretty darned good for her by the time he was finished!

Of course, I don’t spend all my love on horses. I get all gooey over my favorite plants and birds, and of course, the dogs. They each hear how much I love them ALL the time. It just comes out. I even love Alfred at his most shedding time, which is now.

Clouded Skipper on a clump of Alfred hair that wafted across the lawn.

There’s just so much joy that the dogs bring! And they love us back, too.

And of course, I feel love for so many people, most of whom may not realize it. I feel all warm and fuzzy at friends’ Facebook posts and Instagrams. I just beam inside when listening to friends talk. They are all so special to me! What a sap.

Then there’s my spouse, who loves to take photos of me chewing. I love him anyway.

I know Lee loves me, because he drove me to the Austin airport today and dealt with the dreaded “Austin traffic.” But we got a cool upgraded room with a couch in it, so he’s happy (he sleeps better in couches or recliners than beds). The Hilton at the airport used to be the HQ building at Bergstrom Air Force Base, and is circular. I always enjoy staying here.

Bonus: I felt more love when I looked over at the bar after dinner and saw my former Austin hairdresser and his husband! That was such a happy moment. We got all caught up on each other’s lives and travels. It makes me feel like a native when I run into people like that!

Off to sleep so I can zip back to another time zone tomorrow! I’ll make sure to check for typos in the post title before publishing, unlike yesterday.

Spiritual Is a Loaded Word – I Stick with Love

How important is spirituality in your life?

It’s pretty common to hear people say, “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” I don’t think it’s a way to avoid the hard stuff, or a convenient cop out. It’s true for many of us ruminating, pondering types who just don’t like rigid rules.

Eryngo (*Eryngium hookeri*) showed up here! I didn’t know it was native.

Organized religion is not my idea of a spirituality nurturing institution, probably because they’re institutions more than pathways to spiritual growth. Any group that thinks it has all the answers turns out not to have them.

Also new in the fields is Soft Goldaster (*Bradburia pilosa*)

So, I draw my spirituality from the life spirit around me, in the rocks, trees, wind, animals, and ineffable sparks of realities just beyond my perception. You know, like viruses used to be for humans. A tradition I once followed mentioned an interconnected web of life. My spiritual practice honors that.

Yes, I’m connected to the Prairie Boopie

I also try to express my connections to all around me in how I live my life. I get most of my ideas from teachers like the Buddha, Jesus, and Starhawk, but I’ve received guidance from many other teachers, some of whom didn’t end up with a religion purporting to represent them. Pay attention and you’ll find the wisdom to lead you to peace and clarity in all sorts of unexpected places from surprising messengers. Some may be horses or dogs.

Speaking of them, I do find that the presence of my animal companions fills a void I experience in even wonderful periods of travel. I’m so glad to be back to feel Goldie’s giant, rough paw on my face or Mabel’s warm, curious breath from so much higher than Dusty’s even-tempered nudges.

Home is where you ground yourself, and I have finally reached a point where the Hermits’ Rest centers me almost as much as my hometown in Florida did. My spiritual center needs that grounding. I spent half my life without it! It’s good to have a home again. Yes. Now my love for all existence can grow and be shared freely.

Scruffy but lovable house. The land is home!

Right now the ranch has been taken over by cicadas. I’m glad we only got one eruption here and that they won’t be here too long. Maybe I managed to miss two weeks of them by leaving! I can barely hear birds!

On the other hand, it’s easy to meditate around them. It’s like singing bowls, only more grating.

Speaking of Love – and Hawks

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

Woo hoo. Today’s prompt goes with my day’s experience. So, let’s blog.

I’ve figured out that one of my “love languages” is the one about giving time and effort. When someone spends time doing something to make my life better, I feel love.

One example is how incredibly grateful and loved I felt when I came home from a trip expecting improvements to my horse area, but was blown away to see that two portable buildings we had were now a beautiful and large hen house with the interior painted “my” colors and a HUGE new tack room that would hold all my horse supplies and have a sitting area. I was blown away.

Note that they painted the hay storage container to match the building.

Every time I go in either of those buildings I have warm feelings about the two guys in my family who worked so hard on it. They were my son’s first two carpentry projects, so there are imperfections, but they’re charming to me. And I think of the stories behind how they got all the furnishings and built the saddle racks and pegs for halters, etc.

The other time I felt loved like this was when Lee gave me my bird journal. I couldn’t believe he’d spent so much time collecting bird photos then made the book by hand. I get to feel loved every day when I write in it!

He also made this cute book cover for the journal.

Love Birds of the Day

The highlight of my day today was all about love. After making many trips back and forth to the horse trough with water, I decided to go listen to birds for a while. Today got down to 12°F but then warmed up to 45°. That felt balmy!

You probably can’t tell, but the pond iced over.

As I headed towards the woods with my empty water containers, I saw movement. It was the pair of red-tailed hawks I’ve been watching for a few weeks. They were doing an awesome love dance. I was transfixed as I watched them soar and glide, then dive down near the ground and up through the trees.

The only photo I got of them flying. I was too busy watching most of the time.

It was so graceful yet strong. I felt privileged to get to see this up close. It was the closest I’ve ever been to flying hawks. They flew right past me a couple of times. At last, they rested in the trees for a bit.

They are both in this picture. One flying low in front of the trees, one higher, behind trees.

Then, off they went, flashing their wings at me. That made up for the hard work. I loved those love birds.

I made it a loop

PS: thanks to everyone who tells me they read my blog. I feel like the lady on Romper Room (a television show from my youth), who would look in her magic mirror and say, “I see Susie and Donny…” or whoever’s parents had sent her a postcard.

I see you, Mike, Donita, Lory, Libba, Catherine, Barbara, Debi…and so many more!

In Three Years?

What will your life be like in three years?

I’m pessimistic about life in three years, and it creeps into my nightmares.

I will probably stop working in Corporate America by then. I hope there’s still Social Security.

I’m three years I’ll still find tiny baby insects cute.

We may have to go somewhere we feel safer. Texas elected officials make policies that worry me, as someone who’s not an evangelical Christian white guy.

I’m not sure there will be places not run by extremist dictators in three years to go to.

And it will be hot and dry.

Hope I can still have horses. Though at the moment mine are getting on my last nerve. I’m addition to each being covered by burs, there’s this.

Drew broke the water line to the trough. It flew 20 feet. Drew then thought it was a snake and huffed at it.

All the people turning on each other with intolerance and cruelty messes with my mind. I think that’s actually a reasonable response.

Oh, I’ll probably just keep trying to be kind and work for peace in my own way. Mother Nature will still be here. Love will be here. They both may just be harder to find.

When Your Furry Family Member Gets You Angsty

Describe a family member.

I didn’t realize the prompt today would fit with what I wanted to write about today. But it does. I’ve had some of the worst anxiety symptoms and bad dreams I’ve had in years since Friday. Ugh. I get strong chest pains, tightness in my head with ringing sounds, and weakness in my legs. None of this is pleasant. At least my anti-anxiety meds work most of the time!

But, it turns out that, while I only get moderately stressed out about the numerous health issues in my immediate family, a sick horse throws me for a loop. And by the way, he’s no sicker now than he was last week, but knowing something was wrong got me full time of worry, angst, anxiety…and guilt.

I guess I’m unhappy to find out that Apache’s blood test results were extra bad (like 400 where high normal is 40) for ACTH. This means that, as we’ve always suspected, he has PPID or Cushing’s desease. The link tells you what the tests he took were, and we’re from the place doing the testing. His insulin wasn’t bad, which is good news.

Don’t panic. Medicine is on order that will reduce his symptoms and make him feel much better, though it won’t fix his endocrine system, which has probably been bad his whole life. We’ve just been managing the heck out of his symptoms.

Why have I been so upset? It’s because this furry family member has meant so much to me. He’s the first horse I learned to take care of and to ride, so he’s dealt with all my learning experiences and mistakes. Conversely, I’ve dealt with all his issues and idiosyncrasies, along with his curiosity, eagerness to learn, humor, and patience.

Don’t forget my beauty, other than the furry coat and sweating.

He and I each have our challenges, but we’ve stuck together through bad feet, poor horsemanship, anxiety (both of us), and changes. And in the past year or so, we’ve finally become a real team and started having fun. There’s been a lot of growth going on for both of us.

So Friday, when I found out the vet was supposed to have sent me those test results but I didn’t have them, and I got the impression they were bad, no amount of me telling myself that getting upset wouldn’t change things worked. I just fell apart and got mentally dysfunctional. I mean, internally. I did all my stuff and acted fine. I just hurt inside. I care so much about my animals.

I was mainly feeling bad that I didn’t get the testing done earlier, like I’ve let him suffer needlessly. I was concentrating so hard on his feet, muscles, and diet that I missed this. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to get haltered some days, or why he gets squirrelly on rides…blah blah blah. I’m just making stuff up at this point, but I guess that’s what you do when you think you could have helped but didn’t.

My hope it’s that by talking about my relationship with my Paint/Arab companion of lo these many years I’ll help myself feel better. He will be on his way to feeling better as soon as those meds arrive, and we’ll take it from there.

I’ll remember good stuff like hearing the sandhill cranes migrating overhead.

We will both be fine, especially if folks treat us kindly and gently. I don’t need to be made to feel worse with a bunch of, “Why didn’t you…?” And “You should have…” stuff. I just need ways to move forward and live the rest of our time together positively and happily. The horses and my inner circle are what keep me going!

Resources

Equine Cushing’s and Testing

Equine Endocrinology

Love, Herons, and Horses

Sorry folks, I’m running out of stuff that’s not navel gazing and depressing. I’ve got to stop dwelling on the end of democracy and the worship of guns over people. When did the second amendment become so much more important than the first? What a world. Ok. Last incriminating expression of opinion and back to cute animals.

Another cute picture of Vlassic as edited by Lee.

So, I’m concentrating on love outside of the hate-filled realm of humans. Yesterday afternoon, Sara came over to do her farrier thing and trim Apache and Drew. While she was working on Apache, Droodles did everything he could to get attention. His head kept coming through the hole in the pens and poking us. Luckily, Mabel was in the pen with him, so she distracted him some. They just did calm friendship things together. Lots of rubbing and nuzzling. It was sweet.

Everyone got lots of fly spray, since Haggard the bill was also hanging out, and like most cattle, he was covered in flies. Droodles immediately rolled his spray off. At least he rolled in a dry spot.

That’s better! You should roll too, Mabel. No thanks, I would rather swish my tail.

When Drew tired of Mabel, he bonded with his other friend, the bull. They played for quite a while. The horses have enjoyed him while he’s been over here.

Apache was just sighing and getting his feet done through all this. Both horses look much better now. I’m glad it dried up enough to get this done. It rained overnight of course.

After the trimmings I was hot as heck. It’s so humid. So I jumped into the pool. Suddenly, I heard an unfamiliar squawk. I looked over at the pond behind the house, and sure enough, there was a large bird at the very top.

I thought to myself, ah, that must be one of the green herons who are building a nest in there. I’ve been seeing them flying around together, and just recently saw them bringing large sticks over to what I figure must be a nest deep in the trees. I’m pretty excited about it. So, I took pictures.

Hold on, that bird has a neck and is not brown and green.

So, I dripped my way into the house and grabbed the binoculars. HA! That’s a male yellow crowned night heron in breeding plumage! Dang! How beautiful. I wish I had a real camera and good lens, because this guy was gorgeous. As I watched him, there was movement slightly lower on the tree. I saw a bill and realized his mate was also there.

That means there were two pairs of herons together. I confirmed it when the Merlin app identified them both during a squawking episode. I never saw the green ones, though.

The best part of my poolside bird watching was when the pair took off. They flew right over me, and with my binoculars I could see the beautiful female really well. Ah, love.

Speaking of love. We have at least ten nest boxes, but these ladies wanted to lay their eggs together. One blue egg, one white egg, one pinkish brown egg.

A Horsey Roller Coaster

I’m always being warned by people wiser than me that I should expect ups and downs with Drew and Apache. Monday was a big down for Apache, with his difficulty settling down.

And I’d been concerned that I’d messed up with little Droodles, too. But today was extra encouraging. He came up and asked to go out. He was rewarded by a chance to do more “mowing” and enjoy the removal of excess hair. He’s looking good.

I wish I had a picture of him standing there watching me and Apache when I groomed him. He is really looking like a healthy horse.

As for Apache, he was back to his new normal today. He jumped great going left and medium going right. And he cantered up a storm in the round pen, looking happy.

These flowers made me happy. The dewberries smell great.

Our ride was just great, too. We did a bunch of the things in the Trail test just fine. I was so pleased. Lee said all he heard while working on the RV was “good boy, Patchy!” I did say it a lot. I am not so concerned about the show this weekend. We will get lots done tomorrow and Friday, and he will have fun.

I had fun breathing on Suna, gluing myself to her, and trying to eat the eggs. She wouldn’t let me.

And in honor of International Woman’s Day, here’s our girl Mabel, leaving her leftovers to her buddy Apache.

Yup, Horses Make You Feel Good

I had a pretty free Saturday, so I split it between fun with yarn and fun with horses. The yarn post will be tomorrow. Today is my day to bask in my relationship with the horses.

I’ve spent a lot of time with Apache this week, mostly just hanging out with him. It really pays off, I think, because he’s so much more relaxed, yet interested in doing things lately.

Looking at his friends, but happy with me.

He seems to look forward to jumping and cantering. He seems practically athletic when we do groundwork. He looks strong and fit, not chubby and weak. I’m so happy for that.

Riding was fun. He informed me in his horsey way that my new square setup is too close to the trailer. When he stopped, I saw that he had noticed our reflection in the shiny part of the trailer front. Well, I had to agree he had a point. That looked weird.

I finally, finally can relax when I ride and just focus on what we’re doing. It makes such a difference! My legs are relaxed. My arms are relaxed. I’m giving easy signals and Apache responds. He’s also relaxed, as you can see.

A relaxed horse and his cone. He stopped right there and didn’t move.

After we rode, I must have spent ten minutes just petting and talking to him, and he seemed to want to stay. Eventually Fiona indicated she was hungry, so we went in.

Drew hinted that he wanted to do something so I lunged him. He wasn’t at all into it. That was odd. I think he’s in some discomfort from playing too hard with Fiona and Dusty. Fiona had blood on a cut and Drew had some (of hers) on his neck. There is much kicking going on. So I relaxed and just spent time doing what he wanted to do, which was get his itchy head scratched. It was quite cute.

These guys wanted attention, too. It’s a new batch of young cattle.

I was all warm and fuzzy by the time we had some visitors. It was fun watching Sara’s granddaughter enjoy Fiona and Vlassic while we discussed hooves. Then the guest got to see all the dogs, which delighted her. What an animal lover she is!

I’m sure glad I had the chance to follow the leads of my horses and relax today. Oh, and by the way, no one has touched yesterday’s scary hay. I love my equine buddies.

Gifts of Love That Live On and On

No doubt I’ve mentioned before that one of my “love languages” is gifts. This is funny to me because I’m not a very good gift giver. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t like to just randomly give things; I want to give meaningful gifts. For example, we didn’t do much for Christmas this year, but I did give everyone in my immediate family (plus Anita and my neighbor Sara) t-shirts with the Hermits’ Rest logo and “Hermits’ Rest Ranch and Family Compound, Walker’s Creek Texas, Est. 2012” on the back. Most had their name on the front, too. I did this to support a local woman who started a t-shirt business and to celebrate ten years of the ranch. That had meaning to me. Of course, no one has worn theirs, but that’s fine. It’s the thought that counts.

And that’s the deal right there. Because gifts from the heart mean so much to me, I treasure them, often for years and years. I have carted some items that probably appear meaningless with me everywhere I’ve moved, because my heart softens a little bit when I see them.

Tiny, stained decoupage pansies my mom made for me. Been with me 40 years or so.

And when I look around my house, I’m reminded of people I’ve loved throughout my life, as if they are with me and supporting me wherever I go and whatever is happening to me.

Fu dog from Delores, my high-school boyfriend’s mom.

Sure, the minimalists think that things are just things, and they may well be correct, literally. But I’m more like a Japanese Shinto practitioner in that for me, objects have spirits, vibrations, or special meaning that is more than just their utilitarian form or function. As I often point out when someone says I’m rather “woo-woo,” there are many things in the Universe that we humans do not yet understand or may not even be capable of understanding, so who’s to say there aren’t special vibrations or connections between objects and people who have made them or touched them?

Mandala from India given to me in 1987 by Alice Davidson, a grad school mentor.

I know I put a lot of love into things I make for people that I hope somehow comes through to them. And I feel love from things people make for me or buy with me in mind. I feel little internal hugs when I am reminded of these dear souls.

My therapist/friend made me this mama bear necklace with protective stones around the time of my divorce from my kids’ dad.

My motley collection of objects helps me feel grounded and connected to my community, my spirituality, and my planet. I feel the love from long-departed loved ones through their gifts, and that brings me contentment and peace. That’s worth having to deal with a bit of clutter, I think.

Teapot from Mama Rose, my friend Jeff’s dear mother.

(And if you don’t like my clutter, don’t hang out with me!)

Jade from Delores, hand-blown glass from a coworker in the 80s, a bell from Aunt Joyce

A Hermits Christmas Eve

As the years pass and our circle grows smaller, the holidays have stopped being about visitors, travel, and togetherness. Television commercials keep saying that’s what we should want.

But Lee and I are happy to spend time with just each other these days. We have plenty of animals to stand in for friends and family, and they’re certainly entertaining. The dogs have been going all out to make us smile!

The horses have been playing a lot, as if the cold weather makes them frisky. They do have really thick coats right now.

It was a beautiful day, though, so I did the usual bird watching (highlights were cranes and a butcher bird) and weather observation. All the ponds iced over, but melted when it got above freezing. I have new inexpensive base layers that made being outside okay. Nice!

It was lovely spending time with myself, giving myself holly nails, watching football, cooking dinner, and working on a present. It’s important, I think, to be comfortable enjoying each phase of life, and each new situation. That’s the way to inner peace.

Tomorrow and next week will bring more people to the ranch and that will also be enjoyable. You can’t hermit every day! it will be good to celebrate with people.

I’m hoping you find peace with whatever life hands you this time of year. Maybe you’ll find comfort in traditions and maybe you’ll try something new. Just remember that we’re all dealing with “stuff” and doing our best. I sure remember that and just want the members of my own circle to know they’re loved.