Drew – Page 3 – The Hermits' Rest

Savoring Sweet, Slow Success

When he was little, my son wanted to be instantly successful at any new thing he tried. He’d get very frustrated if he had to listen to instructions and practice. I had some of this tendency, too, and it didn’t help that I’m a quick study on most things.

Just like a Mockingbird learning new calls.

However, I’m not as talented with large motor skills as I am with fine motor skills (knitting, etc.) or mental things. I know that about myself. Because of that, once I realized I wasn’t a natural at horsemanship (way back before Tarrin), I didn’t pressure myself to improve quickly. I wish I could have, but I am who I am and Apache and Drew are who they are, so things have had to take some time.

Ya know, just like it takes a while to grow a tree.

With Drew, it’s become apparent that his issues are beyond my ability and time. I don’t love him any less, I just know that me trying to work with him isn’t a good fit. Neither of us is to blame, but it’s a hard realization.

Knowing I struggled with Drew makes the slow but steady progress I d made with Apache (and Mabel) just that much sweeter. It’s been good for us to build a strong relationship and skill set slowly over time.

I almost forget how hard it was to keep him from twirling around, how long it took to get his laminitis episodes under control, and how afraid I was to trot. Bit by bit, Tarrin has guided us towards our goals.

Her goal for us has been cantering, which has taken longer than expected, thanks to Apache starting out with a dysfunctional canter that had to be fixed with strengthening and practice. I was happy to see Tarrin able to ride him at a canter earlier this year.

Today it was my turn to do it. We had been building up from fast trotting and taking off after backing up, to get him working off his hind legs. I have gotten pretty comfortable, and like I said today, it almost feels like I know how to ride a horse.

I laugh at that idea and he has no comment.

After three days on pain medication, Apache was feeling much better than he did Tuesday (yes, two lessons this week due to scheduling issues), so he was up for a lot of running. we ended our lesson in the round pen where he was to practice going over jumps properly, I was told. Ha. Tarrin knew he’d canter if I approached the jump really fast.

I lived, though I did hold onto the saddle horn. Slow and steady success is sweet! This was our big goal ever since we started our lessons. We did it! Now to get good at it.

My goal for the rest of the week is not to talk about horses constantly. I’ll switch to wildflowers tomorrow. No surprise there.

Let’s Pivot with Cautious Optimism

All the ideas I got from reflecting on my tarot reading last night swirled around me today. With the nudge I got that maybe I CAN get through these times and help others if I do what it takes to keep me centered, I decided to up my grounding ante.

I got enough time in today to enjoy nature, meditate well, and really see the big picture of what I’m surrounded by—the natural world and its order. Not always peaceful or perfect, but adapting as things change. Thanks, birds and clouds!

The clouds and sunset were gorgeous today.

After all the warmth and grounding I got from Apache and Dusty yesterday, I decided Mabel from the Stable needed a turn. She’d been looking at me with kindness and interest lately.

So, after Apache did his workout, I haltered Mabel, which is her least good skill, and gave her some extra alfalfa while I groomed and de-burred her. Neither was easy. She had mud dried into clay on her coat, which even with my nails I couldn’t completely eliminate. And while her tail is a breeze to get smooth, her mane is another story. For one thing, it’s way up there. She’s a tall Thoroughbred-style mama. And it’s very fine. But I did it, and noted that she was pretty patient.

As her “reward” I took her on a walk, and just for fun, did some longe-line work in the round pen. She was fine, other than getting a little excited toward the end. Her ears were always forward and she stayed focused. I got her to back up and side pass a bit. Well.

That was a lot more fun than working with Drew has been lately. I think we will pivot and play with Mabel while Drew gets a break and maybe finds a home with someone who can work with him the way he needs. If not, he may be the pasture ornament for a while. An expensive one. But I still love him! He’s just too much for my skill set.

I’d look much better without the burs. Yes, I’ll working on him tomorrow.

On the other hand, I feel very calm and centered working with the other three, so that’s good!

Another bucolic scene of nature and peace, brought to you by our back pond.

Droodles and I Have Skills

What skills or lessons have you learned recently?

Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer to this one, and it involves a certain bur-headed gray gelding in my life, Andrew “Droodles” Kendall. I’ve alluded to having anxiety and concerns that have been weighing me down recently. One was Drew.

Since getting kicked in the head by Fiona the mini-donkey followed by unexplained pain on his right side, this horse has been a challenge. To be honest, I haven’t been up for the challenge, for a couple of reasons. One is that, even if he were my only horse, my schedule won’t let me work him consistently almost every day, which helps him hurt less. The other is that his aggressive behavior made me wary of him and want to work with him less, not more, even with all I’ve learned about horses and how pain affects them.

I need special stuff. Mabel says she does, too.

I’d discussed options with my trainer (Tarrin) and neighbor (Sara), who are wise and honest.

I could find him a new home with a more assertive rider with more available saddle time. I’d just hope to get the money back for his saddle, not all his training.
I could stop working with him and let him be a pasture friend like Mabel and Dusty. I’d cut down on all those supplements and medication though!
Or I’d hope to get him to a point where I’d enjoy working with him and he’d enjoy learning. I’d hope to ride, it maybe groundwork or liberty could happen.

In the meantime, I’ve let him rest and have been observing him. In the past couple of weeks, he has been friendly and let me pet him without biting at me. He’s let me remove his tail burs and some mane burs. This made me a little optimistic when our next scheduled lesson came up today.

Both Drew and Apache were filthy from rolling in mud, both covered in burs, etc. I realized that I’ve finally learned to just do what I can to get ready in the amount of time I have. Yay. A lesson learned. I got them brushed and removed all Apache’s latest burs (not too many) and Droodles’s tail burs. I only got half his mane. But he was great about it. Just let me pick them out and chat with him, just like Apache does! I was pleased.

When we got to the lessons, I realized I’d left Drew’s girth in the tack room. So I couldn’t try to ride, with nothing to hold the saddle on. Maybe that was good, because we had a wonderful ground lesson. He did not act like he hurt anywhere, and was calm and willing to do whatever we asked, with no tail swishing or foot stamping. I realized he was coming to me to be petted when he’d stop an exercise. Nice!

Then we worked on a new skill. Tarrin started it but I finished. It involved walking while straddling a wooden pole. I’d watched Sara and Aragorn work on this one. It is a bit challenging.

I’m encouraging him to put the left rear hoof on the correct side of the pole.

Drew was very calm throughout the training, and seemed intent on learning to keep the feet on the correct side. Besides that, he was friendly and sweet. He nuzzled us nicely and even licked Tarrin.

He seemed as pleased as we were when he made it all the way to the end of the pole. It was like working with him just before he got hurt. Wow.

We were all so pleased! Tarrin posited that he might have had a virus in addition to hurting his right ride and neck. There’s no way to know, since horses can’t talk. But it looks like Drew and I have things we can do together! We will try riding next.

Oh yes, Apache had a lesson, too. Having them more frequently has helped him get back in shape, and he’s been a champ about working with me at home, eating at least some of his food, and slurping his powdered medicine mixed with applesauce.

In lessons, he’s been gaining new skills with speeds of walk and trot, and with moving off my leg. Maybe cantering will happen next year. We say that every year.

But he makes us laugh by having to pee after a lot of trotting and getting all lathered up in sweat on unseasonably warm winter days. I’m so glad he’s healthy and his feet are doing so well (thanks to Tarrin’s gradual trims).

So, I’ve learned that I need to give my animals time to heal and learn, Apache with his feet, and Drew with whatever was causing his irritability. I want them both healthy and content. I’ll just keep trying and extend my patience.

It took a lot of patience to get this image of a titmouse snacking on an old wasp nest.

The best news is that sadness about feeling I’d failed Drew is no longer weighing on me. I have hope in at least this part of life!

How Are the Bur-heads?

I haven’t done a horse update in a while. That’s because not much has changed and I’ve been focusing on sick dogs. But today Jackie came to do bodywork for the first time in a while, so there’s a little more news.

I’m here, too. I enjoy taking food containers out in the pasture where Suna can’t find them. Fun!

All the horses have decorative cocklebur crowns these days. It only takes a few days to replace them, so I’ve given up on daily removal. It’s too hard on my hands and my gloves.

Why remove them? It’s a fashion statement.

Drew, as I’ve noted, is having some movement issues. Jackie determined that his back end is doing way better, so yay for that, but he’s still stiff, sore, and unhappy in his neck and shoulders, including the ribs. He let her know just how it feels, like he was doing with me earlier this year. She worked on him a lot and gave me suggestions for getting him to swing his front legs out and round his ribcage.

I’ll do that stuff and continue to work on extended walks on the ground and in the saddle. At least he still likes doing that, until he stomps his perfect little feet. By the way, I got his tail and back 3/4 of mane cleared up, but he was in no mood for forelock work after his adjustments.

Apache with invisible bur crown, last week.

I got no photos of Apache, because I was busy removing a bucket o’ burs this morning. He is the only horse that got completely bur free. I was happy with his body report. For a horse who eats no supplements and tries to spit out his daily medication, he’s doing well! His feet still look good, too. He’s been fun to work with and ride, as well. I think he will do ok at this weekend’s horse show. We need to get out there and just have fun doing our best.

Mabel is still great. She’s shiny, fit, and pretty darned sound. There’s only one crack in her white hoof! She let me get all the burs out of her tail, but only a few out of her mane. I’m just happy she’s happy and holding her own in the herd.

This is Mabel booking it to get away from my picking at her mane. At least she has one.

Dusty is still Dusty. So gentle, kind, and compliant. Well, unless you’re messing with his tail. His mane has no burs, but I only got a few out of his poor tail, which looks like it’s been braided with burs.

Dusty has been getting extra grain most days, because he is looking thin. But he eats well and is cheerful most of the time. I know his back hurts, even with supplements. But he still loves to hug and craves attention.

Goldie is improving. She’s tapering off pain medication and is getting around better. She can pick up the pace when she wants to, and now easily climbs the steps on the patio. She even managed to tell me her water dish was empty this evening, got me to take her out to drink, then stared at the water dish spot until Lee remembered it was in the dishwasher. Clever.

Goldie and dead house plant. I travel too much.

No one read my post yesterday about moths. Oh well. What I find fascinating isn’t always what the audience finds fascinating!

Sometimes It’s the Little Things

What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.

The first thing that popped into my head when I saw this prompt was that I’d love to canter on one of my horses, to see what it feels like and finally go sorta fast. That’s just a little thing, but I’ve not moved forward in my skills enough to do it on Drew and Apache hasn’t moved forward in his skills enough. The one time I tried I ended up on the ground. I’m trying not to let myself get discouraged and enjoy the journey. But I’m human.

And I’m just a horse who won’t take my meds.

Little things can be good, though. For example, at the end of the work day I’d gotten to a good stopping point, and was looking out over my laptop as I sat at my porch “desk.” Something moved suddenly.

It was this absolutely adorable jumping spider, Phidippus arizonensis. I watched as it explored my laptop then jumped onto my mouse and checked out all my stuff. It waved its first legs around as it explored, and moved its mouthparts like it was tasting the air.

Okay, I think it’s a male. It has bulbous pedipalps. Those are the things that stick out in front.

I can see why people have jumping spiders as pets, because this fellow was very entertaining and not at all concerned by my presence. I prefer them in the wild, but I do enjoy the bold jumping spider who lives in the mailbox.

One of many around here. Too bad you can’t see the cool green eyes.

I’d never seen an arizonensis before, so I looked it up. It’s definitely confined to this part of the world.

I had the best time watching this spider. That’s living for the moment. Mindfulness for the win.

I did not enjoy observing this one. A black horsefly.

Another little thing that made my day was just watching the dogs play. With all the medical issues in our canine community it’s easy to forget the happy, healthy ones. Carlton and Penney love it when I’m outside so they can run and play with an audience!

Time to get some rest and talk to my high school friends in Florida who are going through the hurricane. I do keep up!

Carlton is ahead of me in the sleep department. He’s already dreaming.

Pay Attention, Suna!

In my frazzled state of late, I’m not only being clumsy and forgetful, I’m not noticing things. That’s not at all helpful. And my powers of investigation aren’t their strongest.

For example, this morning I got up and couldn’t find Goldie. Oh no! Something happened to her! Oh, maybe she’s outside. No. Not in my office. Hmm. It took me ten minutes to figure out that she was in the other bedroom. Duh.

Take a flower break. These Mexican petunias look like they should be a painting, not a plant living in the middle of the driveway!

I got through a hectic and confusing work day fairly well, though our team meeting was moved to the afternoon and ran long, making me unable to groom the horses. I rushed out and easily got Droodles.

I’m a good boy, but I don’t pay attention either. I sorta missed the goal of standing beside the mounting block and just plowed over it. I’m so cute.

Apache was another story. It’s as if he knew we were running late. He ran and ran, galloping hither and yon, but eventually went into a pen. That was very strange. I hurriedly put on his halter and marched him into the trailer. Drew followed nicely. He was an a good mood from eating good grass.

We got to Tarrin’s and quickly tied the horses to the trailer. I saddled Apache on his left side (this matters) then we walked to the lesson area. I began lunging him over the little hill. When I turned him to go the other way, Tarrin stopped me. Look at his eye!

Well shoot. Neither of us had looked closely at this right side. His eye was full of goop and all swollen. I could have paid a bit more attention when I was rushing to get to lessons. Tarrin hadn’t noticed when taking him out of the trailer for me either. We felt bad. But we are both barely coping. Give us a break!

So, Tarrin ran and got a wet cloth and a shot of Banamine to reduce the swelling. None of that went over very well with Apache, but it did give me time to remove his burs. Tarrin said I should ride him some to get the meds in his system. I said that was fine and put my helmet on.

Sigh. I put it on backwards. That at least gave us a laugh and a funny photo. And Apache did very well. He even side passed vaguely correctly. Good boy. And me.

Believe it or not, this is a huge improvement.

Drew’s lesson was pretty good once he lined up right so I could mount him. I did a good job dealing with some reluctance on his part to hold himself straight, too. I was proud of us both.

Back at the trailer we decided Apache should wear a fly mask to go home, to protect his eye. This began an adventure as none of Tarrin’s spare ones fit Apache’s rather bulky head (hard to believe he’s part Arabian).

I liked this one best because it made him look like Batman’s horse.

We all laughed through this, especially at how curious Drew was about the mysterious headgear.

He kept breathing down Tarrin’s neck as she was trying to fit the masks. Once she left, Apache told him to get back.

We did make it home safely. But I wasn’t finished being inattentive. You see it was dusk by the time I was heading to the house. I went over to shut the henhouse door. Then I looked in on the chickens. I saw this.

Oh look, Cindy and Cathy are roosting! They found the branch I put in there.

But, someone was missing. Where was Bianca?

Turn the light off! I’m trying to sleep!

Well look at that! She was in the coop! She does remember how to get in! See, I’d never checked them this late before. I feel a bit better about how they are settling in. I just needed to pay attention.

I paid attention to my birthday flowers and they’ve made it to October! It’s a first for me. This ranch is hard on decorative plants.

Tomorrow is another day. Hope Apache is better. Otherwise, off to the dang vet.

Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

We are putting on our happy faces because even though the weather was weird today, we got encouraging news about Goldie’s prognosis.

The important news is that the veterinary team took X-rays of Goldie’s chest this morning and found no evidence of metastatic growths. That means she has a better chance of hanging on for a good while as a tripod. She then had the amputation surgery and came through it well.

Spooky sky with light of hope shining through. Photo by Lee.

Now we are waiting to see how she does overnight. I’m glad this facility has an overnight doctor to keep an eye on the animals there. She is well drugged, so she can rest pain free. What a relief. If things go well, we will get her tomorrow afternoon.

While anxiously awaiting news of Goldie (we thought she was going in early but that wasn’t the case), I hung out with the birds. There were over 40 species today! You can tell it’s migration time. The clouds never made any rain, either.

Vultures waiting for their wings to dry, and that same cloud.

After lunch with the ladies and Casey (the dude of our crowd) I came home to more weird weather. The wind picked up drastically, to where I couldn’t work outside anymore. Just as I was finishing my last meeting, Lee came in and said some of the horses were out.

Look, Mom. We are over here by the welding thingie.

I went over and shut the main gate, then went to figure out what was going on. Two horses were still in their pen area. Dusty was just standing by the big gate, assuming I’d let him out, which I did. Drew, in the other hand, was running anxiously back and forth, not settling down enough to figure out where the exit was.

I found that the back gate, which already had some issues, had blown open in the wind and was sitting at a most awkward angle. Drew finally found it and flew past me, jumping and leaping. What a dramatic boy.

We decided to let them do some edging and mowing for a while, but the gate did get fixed. Of course, as we were discussing it, Drew had to come help. I guess we humans are more interesting than new grass to the curious one. Anyway, other than causing the dogs to bark, the horses are fine. They’ll go back inside soon as they get thirsty.

Now I can go sleep. I sure didn’t last night, as my good friends knew! Let’s hope the ride home goes well. We have the new halter and a t-shirt for Goldie to wear.

Let’s Talk about Support

If anyone reading this isn’t struggling in some way, I’m glad for you, but a bit surprised. These seem to be hard times for most folks I know. And it doesn’t look like things are getting any easier. I vote that we all do the right thing and support each other. Let’s cut each other some slack. Some of us could really use kindness and empathy right now.

Share what’s good in the world. This is a Phoebe.

We got more sad dog news today and are trying to figure out what to do about Goldie’s bone cancer. I needed support and to just talk about it. Thank goodness I have a friend who I can talk to, who’s going through similar canine concerns.

The horse trailer is back, and I was glad to go to lessons again. Yes, I wanted to learn horse stuff, but I also wanted to talk to Tarrin and engage in mutual support about our dogs and other family issues. Talking really helped me think things through, and I hope I was a good listener for her. And of course I loved on her sick dog.

I also loved on Christmas. He’s love-a-bull.

The lessons were good, too. Apache amazes me. He is doing so well and keeps making progress even with time off. He improved on the dreaded side pass (hooray) and was very patient when I worked on posting at the trot. He’s become a real treasure. We have both calmed down so we can learn.

Drew is doing much better with me, too, though he had some challenges today. That lovely filly of Tarrin’s gets him all rattled. At least this time, Tarrin was on him. But he settled down after ground work and was fine afterwards. He just has to grow out of losing focus on his human leaders. it ain’t easy.

He needs to breathe deeply, just like I do.

The horse lessons are so helpful to me, as is the support I get from Tarrin. We have so much in common yet challenge each other. That is what we need right now, to see past our superficial differences to our common humanity.

Find yourself someone to support or to be supportive to. It’s a great counterweight to the struggles and challenges we are going through as humans.

The Goal: Don’t Fall Down

How do you plan your goals?

As my husband and goal-fixated friends know, I’ve never been one of those people who have goals for every day, week, month, quarter, year, and decade. These folks derive much benefit from analyzing their progress and figuring out their strategies. I used to really admire my friend Russell and his goal-setting (and achieving) prowess. Goals really motivate most people.

Lee had a goal to rid the pasture of giant bur plants. Much progress was made.

I just can’t do it. I’m too much of a “live in the moment” person who changes focus according to my needs. Goals just seem like tedious looming deadlines. I don’t know what I plan to do in the next decade. Not die?

Green Heron’s goal was to be a high wire acrobat. Win! I’d never seen one on an electric wire before!

Oh of course there are things I’d like to do, like visit natural wonders, become a better naturalist, finish my temperature blanket for this year, etc. I’m just not into exact dates and step-by-step plans. Life is not a race with some prize at the end if we make our goals. We don’t all have to set goals in the same way. That’s fine.

I do admit to having short-term goals. One is to not fall off my horse. I succeeded today!

You haven’t fallen off me in years! But that one time was enough. Photo by Lee.

Poor Drew got spooked big time during my lesson (when he was already a little antsy). Tarrin’s golden baby horse got the zoomies when Drew was fixated on her lovely mother. I thought Drew was going to jump out of his skin as he bolted backwards. But I stayed on, and Tarrin grabbed him to help him calm down. He was hugging her with his neck and started licking her! Poor guy was scared. But I win! I held on. I’m glad I had on my sticky riding pants!

Only Drew photo I got today. He’s a little pudgy. (That’s my helmet on Apache’s saddle—he’s my beast of burden.)

This was another piece of evidence for something that had been on my mind. I’m wondering if he can hear well. We did a few informal tests this afternoon and…hmm. That could explain why he never looks up when I call him, and some of his reactions. We will have to investigate further. Did his mystery injury cause it? The big ole donkey hoof to the head he got?

Luckily, Apache seems just fine. We are making lots of straightness progress, we are re-learning the side pass, and I’m getting better at riding with one hand on the reins. He is so much happier these days. But he does seem to have to pee every time we head back to the RV after our lessons! He’s working his back muscles, apparently, and that makes you have to go.

It’s a natural bodily function. I sit up to relieve pressure.

My goal for Apache was to be able to ride him calmly and enjoy it. We are getting there! See I had a goal!

Mom! That picture was embarrassing! Photo by Lee.

My Goal? Validation of Dreams

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

What? I’ve been thinking of my answer all day. I came to realize that what I really want to bring to the world with this blog is to validate to readers that if I can do hard things, so can they.

That’s an odd answer, says horse from my calendar.

I’m just an average fairly intelligent person with anxiety and self esteem issues. I share my ups and downs as honestly as I can, to show others that they aren’t the only ones who struggle and to validate two things:

You aren’t alone with your self doubt, family issues, and fears
You have every right to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.

I talk about my interests in nature, riding horses, and crafts as examples of validation for myself that readers can take and apply to their own passions. And hey, if readers learn along with me, that’s a bonus!

I learned this is not a two-headed crow. It’s two crows.

I just hope that I’ve helped someone feel less weird, unsuccessful, or talentless. I’m never going to be a great equestrian performer and neither are my horses. But I’ve defined success as getting stronger mentally and physically and developing healthy relationships with my animal companions. If we set our goals right, it’s a lot easier to succeed. I hope I show that and that it helps someone.

I learned today that I get all swollen from the Shingrex vaccine.

Validating that you don’t have to be the best at something to enjoy it goes for my craft projects too. I was unhappy when I was trying to be a great knitter and keep up with my peers. Now that I’m just making things for fun, I’m doing better. And that’s great! Let’s all validate our achievements when we do as well as we can, not comparing ourselves to others.

The final way I hope I can validate readers’ feelings and accomplishments is showing that I never stop learning and am not ashamed to admit when I’m wrong or ignorant on a topic. How are you ever going to gain wisdom if you think you know everything already? The older I get, the less certain I am of anything. And that’s fine.

I wanted to also talk about validation from a personal perspective. I’ve come to the understanding that it’s more important to validate your own feelings, knowledge, and accomplishments. Like the self help folks say, you need to love yourself and talk kindly to yourself. That’s been my inner work for a long time.

But in addition, I need to stop feeling ashamed that external validation is still important to me. Yes, it’s a character “flaw” that can lead you down the road to codependency and unhealthy people pleasing behavior. I know that all too well since I repeatedly contorted myself into a sniveling whiner to try to get people I loved to love me back, get approval from teachers, or get praised by bosses. It wasn’t pretty.

I’m tested by this daily as I have to remind myself that I can’t make people like or appreciate me. Still, some kinds of external validation buoy me up, and that’s not horrible.

For example, that “award” I learned about yesterday (still not sure exactly what it is) made me feel good about my job, which isn’t often a source of pride (I do well; it’s just you aren’t supposed to praise contractors).

And another example of healthy external validation for me is how Tarrin talks to me during our lessons. She’s as good at motivating humans as she is with horses. She sees the skills I’m improving in and lets me know, like not getting upset when Drew got annoyed and lifted both front feet in the air. I’ve gotten so much calmer than I used to be! And it helps! She let me know I’m doing better at making corrections, too. It lets me see I AM improving, at my own pace and with my own goals.

Drew got a little testy about turning left, so Tarrin had to work it out.

So I’m allowing myself to appreciate kind words and encouragement from others, but not in an unhealthy way. I’m self validating!