Apache – Page 4 – The Hermits' Rest

My Favorite Thing about Me

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I didn’t have too much to write about today, other than that horses are cute and I have a new favorite light fixture. So, let’s find out what my favorite thing about me might be.

But first, look at the fun Apache and Rylie (probably not spelled right) had today during warmups.

Okay, so, answer the question, Suna. And don’t say you like something except for this that or the other. No self put-downs allowed.

Oh, second, hey look at this light fixture. It looks like planets made of rock crystals.

I used to always say my favorite thing about myself were my feet. They were not too big or small, medium width, and had nice toes. Now they are more mature feet with mature person issues. So, nope, it’s not my feet.

Sorry, feet, you also always have fire ant bites.

All right. I’ll refrain from pointing out the obvious negatives for this, as instructed, and declare my favorite thing about myself is how I can empathize with others, care deeply about people who don’t care back, and always see our commonalities as humans. That boils down to one concept but I don’t have the right word for it.

Take a seat while I add unnecessary explanations, as I tend to do.

Note that I can now set boundaries, so my character feature is one I can now embrace without fear of hurting myself. I’m not going to run out and embrace the toxic people in my life, but I can try to understand them and care, from a distance.

They can’t hurt me, even though I may appear vulnerable, just like today’s maize calligrapher fly can’t sting me, even though it looks like a wasp.

Super Sensitive Suna, as I labeled myself on Facebook today, can take the occasional sadness and hurt that comes from all that caring, but it’s worth it. I just have to expect to have the occasional down periods. It’s a small price to pay to keep cherishing my favorite thing about myself.

Fears, I’ve Had a Few

What fears have you overcome and how?

Fearful is not how I’d ever describe myself. I feel more like my horse, Apache, who is always vigilant against the unexpected and anxious when asked to do new things. We have a lot in common, he and I, which may explain why our progress is becoming a skilled horse/rider pair has been steady, but slow.

That leads me into one of the fears I’ve been working to overcome, which is the fear of cantering on this horse. I’d probably have been cantering long ago if I had a different equine partner, but Apache is the horse I was kindly given, so he’s who I’ve worked with. And cantering was never his best skill. His tendency to do a kick/buck maneuver whenever he set off to canter when he was younger is one reason my friend Sara gave him to me. She wanted to canter (as a good rider, she knew how) but his imbalance made it scary on him. Heck, he even kicked out to start cantering without a rider for the longest time.

But years of exercise, bodywork, good medicine, and work on his feet led to much improvement. He now sets off very well and only on the wrong lead some of the time. After my trainer worked with him under saddle, he can now do a fine job, and that led me to overcome my fear of cantering on him. Plus I’m way better at staying on when he has a hiccup.

And if I fall I’m just closer to the rain lilies.

A key to overcoming that fear is a skill I’ve only managed to develop in the past few years, which is to push past my anxiety and DO the thing. Riding horses has helped a lot with developing that ability, one many folks are born with. I was born cautious, very cautious. It’s amazing I learned to ride a bicycle. On the other hand, I didn’t break any bones as a child, thanks to caution.

Even this precious dog didn’t break my bones when he pulled me down a steep hill. Precious.

You might not believe this one, but once I was quite afraid to do things by myself. I really didn’t like being alone (other than teen years of being in my bedroom listening to my records). I can remember how proud I was of myself when I walked out of my hotel in Toronto, and ate a meal by myself. It was a whole fish, prepared beautifully, and I had a good time. Working in Toronto for weeks at a time was good for me. I discovered I could ride a subway without a helpful friend, I could have a drink in a bar and enjoy talking to people, etc.

Now I think nothing about eating alone, walking around a new town by myself, or going on long walks in nature. Of course, I’ve educated myself about safety in cities and nature, and I do prefer nature. I know how to spot the plants and animals to avoid. Learning about what you fear is a great way to overcome fears.

On another note, we almost have a screened porch!

I’m glad I can now take a deep breath and just DO a thing. It’s been very helpful in surviving life on a ranch property. I don’t realize how scary my everyday life can be to others until I get an urban visitor. I just know to check for snakes in the henhouse, watch my steps for fire ants, and avoid the poison ivy and nettle patches. I’ve educated myself so I’m not afraid!

Apache and Suna Get Presents

While I was wandering through ghost towns yesterday, things were hopping on the home front. My horse and I were the beneficiaries of it all.

First, Lee was kind enough to mow the area where our round pen got moved. I was a bit afraid of snakes in the long grass. He then mowed some nice paths through the field, even nicer than his last ones.

That’s not all! Work has begun on a new horse playground for me, Apache, and any other horse I can get practice on obstacles for shows, entertain ourselves, and have fun. The first item is a little hill, like the one at Tarrin’s. It’s more of a berm.

The darned backhoe decided it was time to have yet another new problem (hey, it’s older than my kids), so it didn’t get done. But Apache and I tried it out and loved it. We will get so much use out of this tool.

The backhoe has plenty of stinky dirt to move.

Apache and I also tried out a turn in a box and corridor obstacle. I’ve made copies of the obstacle instructions from the Working Horse Central book, so I may be getting more obstacles as well. Riding will be so much more fun.

One path we walked on, framed by flowers.

Later in the day Apache and I rode out to the paths and pen to test them out. We both liked the mowed round pen, and he did pretty well in there. We even walked along much of the paths.

But, the end of the ride was not ideal. I guess Lee had run over some rodents while mowing that were starting to smell good. A Turkey Vulture decided to check it out, which was not at all fun for an already nervous horse.

Bonus: he didn’t flee into the poison ivy patch.

A great deal of crow-hopping and jumpiness ensued, but I didn’t panic. I did allow him to briskly head to more familiar ground, but I eventually helped him calm down enough to walk over some poles and pay attention to me. That was a win as far as I’m concerned. He even let me wash off all his nervous sweat.

He deserved a piece of weird ice cream cake. It’s made with ice cream and self rising flour. We humans ate it for him.

Poor Apache. That was a lot of new stuff for one day!

Horsey Improvement

My riding lesson was the only real highlight of today, since otherwise I did volunteer work and tried to figure out my financial status with Social Security. 💤

I watered my plants. So proud of them for growing from seed.

But Apache and I had our best day ever! I was so pleased to hear from Tarrin that Apache looks better than she’s ever seen him. I have to agree. He has more muscle and less fat than ever, and even his mane is longer than ever. Just a bit of cresty neck is left.

He really has improved in so many ways, and I’m supposed to tell you that the work I’ve done with him at home has helped (that means it’s not just Tarrin’s work). His turning, trotting and gate changes are improving by the week. Today it was so much fun practicing. We work well together at last.

Me getting ready today, as reflected in the horse trailer.

Then we went back to the round pen to practice cantering. I lived! I feel like I’ll be comfortable at it soon. I never thought I’d be able to say that, being so poor at trying new scary things. But hey, I was petrified of trotting when I started taking lessons with Tarrin (and Apache trotted with his head straight up and bouncing).

This morning, we cantered like a normal horse and human. I wish I had photos, but we were busy. Apache sweated a lot.

Good news. I can erase the horrific memories I have of when Sara tried cantering on him when he was young, before the bodywork, muscle building and training both she and I did with him. He was so unbalanced he couldn’t start to canter without a little hitch in his step or a buck…which is exactly what happened when I tried to canter on Drew and I hit the dirt. Geez. No wonder I was a bit hesitant!

But all the preparations Tarrin carefully led us through, including my one step in January, had us both ready. I think we were equally happy to achieve this. This slow and steady approach is really slow, but sure seems to work.

Becoming a better rider and partner to Apache has been a dream of mine for over a decade. I’m enjoying this process so much.

Onward, I guess.

Today’s Holiday

I set a record today. I was only glum about Mother’s Day for a half hour or so. Two things helped. First I gave myself a good lecture on how this holiday was originally (1870) meant to be a day where mothers celebrated peace, started by Julia Ward Howe. Yep. The same one who wrote the Battle Hymn of the Republic. It’s a pacifist holiday at heart. I’m a pacifist and I produced two babies, so I can celebrate!

I was cheered at the idea of so many fascist pro-patriarchy women getting flowers and cards today. I’m not sure what emotion that really was. But, yay for peace on earth, end to wars, and love for all. That probably makes me a criminal these days, but I’m sticking to my figurative guns.

The other thing that cheered me up was taking my morning walk, which once again was filled with birds and flowers. Oddly, I walked for over an hour, and the only vehicles that passed me were members of my own family. Country life.

Just me, mutant flowers, and flower scarabs.

The second vehicle contained my next-door neighbors, also known as my offspring and his partner. I pointed at them so they’d stop, just hoping to say hi, but they gave me gleeful greetings of the day and said they’d go eat with me next week. Those smiles made my day.

Mama cows approved. These are solid animals.

I walked all the way to Walker’s Creek Cemetery, where I paid my respects to the mother and grandmother of the guy across the road, and my friend’s mother, who just passed away, making it a hard holiday for my friend. My mom died in 1984. So long ago.

So I’ve had a fine day, though I’m still feeling poorly. Just tired. I think adjusting to not working is harder than I’d expected. But the weather is beautiful and I can ride horses anytime I want to.

Someone is still not thrilled with his new “round” pen, but he did his trotting practice, which included mostly walking due to him being jittery.

I hope you all found a way to make peace today or enjoyed your traditional celebration. It’s all good. Now I must go re-dye my hair ends orange. I accidentally neutralized it by using purple shampoo. Oops.

Here are some photos from my walk.

May Ranch Update

I’ve been home a few days and haven’t updated on what’s going on here. May is always a fun month in central Texas, because it’s not too hot or cold, rain falls every so often, wildflowers are in bloom, and bird migration is in full swing.

Texas Striped Sweat Bee with a lot of thistle pollen.

I’ve been enjoying the birds especially. I thought I’d seen a lot on my trip, but whoa, I’ve seen a lot in the last few days. Yesterday? I identified 74 birds between my house and Tarrin’s. That’s way more than my previous one-day high total!

Here’s an Eastern Kingbird, which I’ve seen in both locations.

I was sorta giddy when I saw the list I ended up with. There was even a new lifer, the Magnolia Warbler, one I’d always wanted to encounter.

I do use a lot of abbreviations. It’s hard to fit that many birds on a page, you know?

In other areas, the horses seem good, except that Apache’s expensive boots got lost while I was gone. All my fault. I didn’t remember to take them off before I left.

Spice is all settled in, too. She has taken over as Head Honcho of the herd. Drew and Mabel follow her everywhere.

Your boss mate doesn’t have to have perfect confirmation or perfect feet. She has to be firm and smart. That’s Spice.

With a swish of her tail, she gets things done.

Apache and Dusty just hang out with Fiona and eat. I guess they’re the second tier. They all seem happy.

Everybody but Dusty, who’s at left, eating.

Apache really is doing well, even though it’s been raining, which makes grass grow, which isn’t good for his metabolism. We had a lesson yesterday, and he was just fine, health wise. He did forget how to trot all straight and soft, but it was fun to work on it.

Funny story/segue: I had a very pleasant morning yesterday. I woke up plenty early to make coffee, get Apache ready, and drive serenely to my 9am lesson. I had a nice chat with a friend who was also at Tarrin’s and was about to saddle Apache when Tarrin yelled at me, “You do realize your lesson is at ten, right?”

I heard the Mockingbird mockingly laughing right then.

Of course it was. I wrote it down in the wrong time zone. But did I let that intrude upon my serenity? Nope! It was a beautiful, cool morning, and there were all those birds! So, I got out my portable chair, drank coffee, and listened to birds, even Tarrin’s ducks. I was completely happy, except when Apache pooped upwind from me.

Yow, it’s taken a long time to get to where I can at least occasionally stay unfrazzled. This is good!

Also good: my first zinnia blossom from seed.

Today has also been fun, though with not quite so many birds. I’ve been logging them all on eBird, because it’s the Global Big Day. But while I was out, I checked out the wildflowers and their pollinators. Let’s take a look. I’ve got more coming later, I hope!

Sometimes You Gotta Do What You Don’t Wanna Do

That’s the truth! It’s a lesson that’s been kicking at me for the past six months or so. I really didn’t want to stop working. I really didn’t want to give up the fun I always had buying clothing, shoes, and decorations for my space. I didn’t want to give up on people who’d been important to me in the past or ideals I felt it important to uphold at great cost.

I don’t think I have to always have a bur-free donkey, but Fiona sure looks better. And she is finally shedding!

But I’ve done it. I realized what I thought was right for me actually wasn’t. The transition can be painful. I’ve had a pretty crappy few months, though I’ve tried to share the good stuff here. But I think I’m okay now.

When worst comes to worst, I can just share flowers. Silverleaf nightshade *Solanum elaeagnifolium*

I’m back to coping with an amount of stress I can handle for the most part, which is the only way to get through the huge transition our society is going through with dignity and grace. I’m grateful for friends and mentors who’ve helped out. We all need community support. Having my online friends, my lunch buddies, and my husband and son remind me of what’s good and I hope I give that back.

I got to hang out at our bird sanctuary today with fellow Master Naturalists. That was so good for my soul.

Today I realized I’m not the only one who struggles with transition and change. My poor Apache horse really likes a predictable life. Surprises like the farrier or a horse show aren’t his favorites.

Mabel disliked the hoof surprise a lot, too. She wouldn’t go into a pen to eat today. That pleased the donkey.

Today was riding day, so Apache got all groomed and pretty and did fine on his groundwork, though he still dislikes jumping what he considers a “high” jump.

He was displeased at having to go to the new location of the round pen to do the riding. I didn’t push him, just walked and trotted, stopped and started, and leg yielded. However, Lee had mowed some “trails” for us, so I tried Apache out on them. It was funny to see him go into his panic at the unfamiliar, doing his direction changes and left turns.

Why did you make me do this? I do t need personal growth.

Yes, I’ve finally gotten to where I find it more funny than scary, and helped him get some walking on the path done. And when I got off, he had to go back in the round pen and breathe for a while. I figure he’ll get better. He always does, just like me.

I guess the trees are scary. I couldn’t get good photos of him because he thinks he has to move when I move.

Onward and upward, trying to get through transition as smoothly as possible for both me and the animals.

Fun with Animal Personalities

Horses are so educational. Today I spent much of my day with mine, and I greatly enjoyed working with their moods and personalities. Our canine and equine companions each are unique, and reminding ourselves of that helps humans like me feel like a part of something larger than just our contentious society.

So, how did today go? I resolved to get all the horses groomed (and bur free) and put Apache’s boots on to help his feet while the green grass is here. I started by trying to get Apache, only oops, the gate blew open and the other horses got out. Apache just gave me his annoyed look and walked off. I got Drew and Mabel in with food, and Dusty let me halter him. So I doctored his sore tail and made him pretty. He’d rather hang out with humans than escape.

Since Mabel was in a pen, I haltered her and worked on her coat and burs. She enjoys being rubbed, and kept touching my hand as I brushed her. She was great as I got a few burs out of her tail, but let me know she wasn’t fond of the work I had to do to get the knotted mess from the last rainstorm out of her mane.

You see, my very tall very dark gal loves to get herself even darker by rolling in mud. I think she’s of the opinion that a mud crust is a fashion accessory. Her favorite accessory, though, are mud balls in her mane. They harden into pottery balls, and are matched by mud-covered burrs. It’s quite a sight. And not easy to remove.

No photo, so here is a not-very-artistic rendering of her mane.

I’m glad a bought a gel detangler, because I can rub it in, which is less disturbing to her delicate Thoroughbred nature while I remove burs. I got everything out but the big clay ball and three burs (see excellent illustration) and then I was stuck. The mane had festively rolled round and round the muddy objects. I tried wetting the clay, banding on it, and squishing it. Nope. It was permanent. So I cut it out. Mabel only lost length on a few mane hairs, even though I also had to remove a big matt. I figure she doesn’t have much of a mane anyway, and no one looks at her but me and occasionally Tarrin.

On that note I went to lunch. I needed a break.

I flew away, like these Cedar Waxwings in our tree.

When I got back from exhilarating lunch discussion (and two yummy tacos), it was time to hunt down Drew and Apache. I fed everyone, and got them all lined up except Apache. His snit from yesterday continued and all I could do was get him to take his medicine in the pasture. He was an angry horse man, I guess.

However, I did manage to halter Drew over his crown of burs, and settled him in front of a hay bag. Kathleen had agreed to help me out as I tried to get the burs I’d been working on for weeks off him.

He looks deformed, but it looked kind of like this.

Previously, Droodles would last about ten minutes before the head tossing, snapping, and kicking indicated he was done, so I never got to his forehead. However, the two-human approach worked way better. Kathleen crooned at him and did facial massage on him while I removed burs. He was quite calm and, dare I say, relaxed. All in all it went quickly, with no head tossing or stomping (other than at flies).

I wish I had a helper more often. I might have done better with Drew. But I’m sure grateful for help from someone who’s studying anatomy and knows where to massage. Maybe he’s feeling a little better now.

Of course he smeared food all over himself for photos.

We took a nice walk together and ended this success on a high note.

So, three out of four horses were accounted for. Kathleen and I went and sat by the pool a while and relaxed. Meanwhile, I saw Apache go into the pens, probably for water and a nap. I seized the moment and headed back over.

My favorite picture from last week. Worth a repeat. All burs are hidden in Drew and Mabel.

The good news is that his snit from yesterday seemed over. He stood still to be haltered and went out with no issues. He was patient as I cleaned his feet and stood like a gentleman while I struggled to put his boots on. They are challenging. No photos because I was too busy grunting.

Then, he walked over to the exercise area and did a lively walk, trot, and canter sequence on the longe line. I didn’t even have a stick to encourage him. That means he feels good AND I was only a day late with his boots.

It was nice to see the normal Apache back. We just have to figure out that gate obstacle!

Maybe. I figure if I keep acting up I won’t have to canter under saddle again.

Whew. Each horse had its own moods and preferences today. With a little help, I accomplished my missions and didn’t get stressed.

PS: Kathleen and I both removed burs from Fiona. She still has some, though.

Books to Love

What book could you read over and over again?

I admit it. I have read many books by Brené Brown more than once. I think people need different kinds of support at different times in their lives. When I needed to drag my self esteem out of the gutter and stop telling myself I kind things about myself, her stories and ideas were there to push me toward healing. I’m forever grateful that she writes in ways that reach me.

Just a picture to note that Cattle Egrets have arrived.

Here are my Brené Brown favorites:

Her writing taught me I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t awful. What a gift!

Here’s a gift. My favorite wildflower, Texas Baby Blue Eyes.

I’ve mentioned before that I must have read Black Beauty, by Anna Sewell, dozens of times as a child. It shaped by love of horses and all animals and set me on a path of kindness to our animal friends.

Speaking of my animal friends, Apache and I had a hard lesson today. He is not fond at all of Tarrin’s gate obstacle. I got a good lesson in patience (though I did lose my patience once). He learned he has to trust me when I ask him to do things, and I learned I still have work to do on quietly repeating instructions and not showing my frustration.

It’s like the dung beetle. You just keep pushing until you get there. No need to get upset.

He’s such a good guy most of the time that I know Apache has his reasons for disliking the gate. We will work through it! After all, Brené Brown taught me that being imperfect is how we grow.

Gotta Do Some Pondering

I’ve been thinking about an issue and debating with myself about it. It’s not earth shattering, but something integral to how I interact with others.

I want to revel in my potential, like these future blossoms.

Because of this, I don’t have the blog entry I planned, nor the rant I’d intended to share on Substack. I’d rather present fully formed ideas than total bull. I write enough of that.

I’m wanting to balance thinking about potential with being resilient now, like these poor flowers than got mowed yesterday and are still blooming.

I’ll get back to you tomorrow. Right now I’m physically exhausted and in pain. I’m not recovering well from last week’s horse adventures. Neither is the horse, so we’re together in our elderly aches and pains.

Apache reflected how I felt this afternoon, depleted. He’d have been **less** depleted if he hadn’t decided to leave his pen and make me go track him down in the pasture. I get it. He’s tired.

He practiced opening and shutting gates long enough at Tarrin’s today that I think he gets the idea that he needs to step up his game and move his butt when asked. I’m hoping we will soon have a practice gate of our own here so I can patiently work on these skills.

Back to pondering.

PS: Apache “helped” me take photos of Tarrin’s working equitation-style obstacles so I can maybe get some of my own. He wanted to be in every picture. He had to touch each object. What a guy.