The Hermits' Rest

Keeping Up the Hard Work

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.

That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.

To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.

Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.

Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.

I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.

The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.

We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!

No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!

Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.

And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.

In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.

Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.

PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.

Rocks and Water Both Heal

It was a good day at Inks Lake State Park today. Jennifer stayed until she had to check out at noon, which was good. We enjoyed having a fellow camper to talk to.

I took a little walk this morning to check out the campsites farther down the road, many of which were beautifully wooded or right on the lake where all the ducks and geese are.

I enjoyed a half hour or so on the fishing dock, which was nice and quiet, other than quacking and honking. There was a pair of white pelicans as well as entertaining coots, a cormorant, and many ducks, including a Lesser Scaup in the mix. I greatly enjoyed the diving and popping back up that they were all engaging in. Just being around water and the life it supports made me feel better.

After lunch I embarked on one of my really long solo hikes I impose on myself. I went on a trail that went next to the lake for a while then way up into the karst formations and around a hill. It was very windy, but I did manage to find some Black-throated Sparrows, which excited me. They were ones I enjoyed at Southern Llano River.

Mostly I just had fond memories of hiking this same trail soon after I met Lee and other hikes when all the interesting plants were blooming. The red rocks with lichen growing on them, the tiny plants that grow in puddles when it rains, and the hardy little trees are just so much fun to look at.

And then there were so many views of the lake and surrounding hills. Ahh. It was just me and the vultures (many) for most of the hike.

After four miles, I was tired, so Lee and I made dinner and ate outside while listening to hundreds of Great-tailed Grackles shrieking. Such ambience!

We topped it off with sunset viewing on the dock, and finished the fifth and final season of the West Wing. I’ll miss the characters as well as the ideas of democracy the show portrayed.

I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes, but all but 15 minutes of it should be fine. If I’m not grounded and healed from all these rocks, I don’t know what will do it!

We don’t have to leave until mid afternoon. That’s great!

Duck, Duck, Goose…Coot, Loon

Camping days always help me when I’m trying to figure out what’s next. I’m patiently waiting to do any big moves on the job elimination front until I talk to my boss on Monday. Thus, spending time with Jennifer and Lee was ideal. I was too busy to ponder. I just looked at waterfowl and went into the bowels of the earth to stay centered.

I got to sleep above the cab in the RV last night (and tonight) so Jen can use the bedroom. It’s really fun! I don’t know why our friends who don’t have bad knees refuse to sleep there.

This morning, Jen and I went to the bird blind, which wasn’t here at Inks Lake State Park last time I was here (over a decade ago). It was built by Master Naturalists, which made me proud. It was a big one, but there were no exotic birds. The Lesser Goldfinches and Black Crested Titmice were pretty, though, and fun to watch.

Too tired to label the images, but note that the squirrel is it a bird.

We next ambled over to the shore of the lake, where we were ridiculously delighted to watch groups of ducks, geese, coots, and such. There was also one Great Egret. Most of the ducks were Blue-winged Teals and Gadwalls, but it was exciting to see our first Buffleheads up (sorta) close. They were diving and popping up again and again. Gorgeous birds. Big ole buffly heads, too. Canada Geese were flying and honking as well, plus I heard a loon. Ah, loons. It was very hard to leave that spot.

We went and sat on the bird-watching benches for a while and got to watch Cedar Waxwings and listen to extra pumped-up Bewick’s and Carolina Wrens. They had a lot to say.

After lunch, Lee and I went to Longhorn Caverns, which is right down the road. It’s a beautiful road, Park Road 4, which is on the National Register of Historic Places AND goes by my favorite rocks. They are beautiful red granite karst formations.

The cavern is way up a hill, and has a fascinating history, having hosted dancing and other music, up until not that long ago (I went with my friend Jeff when he played there i. The early 2000s). The buildings are marvels of Civilian Conservation Corps work in the 1930s. The old visitor center has walls of calcium carbonate crystals and intricate stonework.

And, as with most caves, the caverns were beautiful. We also got to see tiny Tri-colored bats. Extra cute. The only negative experience was that Lee hit his head on a low “ceiling” and fell as he lost his balance. A family stepped in to help him, explaining that they’d just finished helping his elderly mother navigate on a visit. Lee took it all with great humor, but it was embarrassing, especially the second time he hit his head. The couple watched him like hawks after that.

We survived and made it back to the RV. Jen and I convinced Lee to go to dinner in Burnet with us, which was a good decision. The Mama’s Kitchen restaurant was excellent and we had fun! All in all, it was a good day. More to come!

The Hits Keep Coming

I don’t know what to do but laugh. This month has just been chock full of unpleasant stuff, but like one of those clown toys from when I was a kid, when I’m hit I just fall down and pop back up.

It the right image but the toy looks best up. Image from Pexels.

That’s new for me. I used to fall apart. Now I react, but deal with it better. The bad news isn’t everything in life, I realized at last. There’s always good, too. Here’s an example.

Yesterday I’d been thinking how proud of myself I was. I’d paid my credit cards down and could see them being all gone in a few weeks. Ha ha. Wishful thinking! I’d only get that feeling for a few hours.

I’d been looking forward to yesterday for a long time. My friend Lynn Hagan was receiving an award from Texas A&M, and she’d invited some friends to attend the reception and banquet. We had to wear nice clothes!

I went to pick up my friend Pamela, who defied all the odds and was not late. We were enjoying a trip down the back roads of Milam County, on our way to get Phyllis, when I got a phone call from the contracting company I work for. as I tried to navigate unfamiliar roads I was informed that Dell has decided to end my contract next week. I’m out of work!

I’m impressed by how well I handled the call. I’d had inklings something was up, though I won’t know for sure until I talk to my supervisor Monday. I’m more annoyed that they couldn’t wait until the contract ended so I’d have time to get Social Security set up (if I do get it…times are uncertain). But I’m just fine. I’ll wait to see what the story is there, and in the meantime I’ll see what’s out there. It will be okay.

I admit I was not feeling great as I drove to College Station, but I ended up meeting many fascinating people and making friends at the reception and meal. It felt so good to be in a room full of humanities and science majors! I miss being around people of my background sometimes, though I feel like an intellectual elite person when I say that. It was fun violently agreeing on many topics and making everyone feel welcome.

I’m glad we were able to go support Lynn as she got her huge framed award.

I couldn’t sleep last night but I did not lay there and blame myself for the job thing or panic about loss of income. I just couldn’t sleep.

But today I did just fine, got all animals at least partly groomed. Mabel kept asking to be brushed more. By the time she decided to leave, her mane was gleaming. And Fiona let me work on her, too. Yay.

Today we are at Inks Lake State Park, which is too crowded for me. But our friend Jen is here, too, which will make it fun to do bird stuff. I’m going to work on my resume and try not to kick myself for dyeing my hair ends purple. Makes me look eccentric.

Onward! It will be fine.

Let’s Pivot with Cautious Optimism

All the ideas I got from reflecting on my tarot reading last night swirled around me today. With the nudge I got that maybe I CAN get through these times and help others if I do what it takes to keep me centered, I decided to up my grounding ante.

I got enough time in today to enjoy nature, meditate well, and really see the big picture of what I’m surrounded by—the natural world and its order. Not always peaceful or perfect, but adapting as things change. Thanks, birds and clouds!

The clouds and sunset were gorgeous today.

After all the warmth and grounding I got from Apache and Dusty yesterday, I decided Mabel from the Stable needed a turn. She’d been looking at me with kindness and interest lately.

So, after Apache did his workout, I haltered Mabel, which is her least good skill, and gave her some extra alfalfa while I groomed and de-burred her. Neither was easy. She had mud dried into clay on her coat, which even with my nails I couldn’t completely eliminate. And while her tail is a breeze to get smooth, her mane is another story. For one thing, it’s way up there. She’s a tall Thoroughbred-style mama. And it’s very fine. But I did it, and noted that she was pretty patient.

As her “reward” I took her on a walk, and just for fun, did some longe-line work in the round pen. She was fine, other than getting a little excited toward the end. Her ears were always forward and she stayed focused. I got her to back up and side pass a bit. Well.

That was a lot more fun than working with Drew has been lately. I think we will pivot and play with Mabel while Drew gets a break and maybe finds a home with someone who can work with him the way he needs. If not, he may be the pasture ornament for a while. An expensive one. But I still love him! He’s just too much for my skill set.

I’d look much better without the burs. Yes, I’ll working on him tomorrow.

On the other hand, I feel very calm and centered working with the other three, so that’s good!

Another bucolic scene of nature and peace, brought to you by our back pond.

Doing Something about It

The Universe has spoken. I’m on the right path for right now, and I’m reaping the rewards. Now I need to be an example for others. I’ll explain.

But first, look, I made a thing. It’s a small bag to hang on a hook next to where I sit in the RV. It will hold my nail file, pencils, and scissors. Not having an end table is a pain.*

I’m feeling somewhat better now that I can be outside more. I was even able to work in the porch today. No wonder I was able to hear 50 birds today.

My view was these two cows. One was not feeling well and the other stayed with her, licking her until they napped.

And more horse time has also helped. Lee put out more hay today, and while everyone else wanted to get into the hay, Dusty just hung around with me and let me remove burs. So when Lee was done, I gave Dusty a bonus meal and a grooming session. That helped, because he’s shedding even more than Apache. We even took a nice walk around the obstacles. He liked that. Much hugging was involved.

He’s looking good for his advanced age, just thin.

After I was finished working I fed everyone and took Apache out on a ride. He’s getting so much better at home. We had fun, and he genuinely seemed to enjoy hanging out with me. More hugging occurred.

I ended up taking lots of horse and donkey photos after trying to de-bur Fiona. I only got partway through. My hands hurt.

I know all those bird observing and horse hugging is good, because I went to a tarot group meeting this evening on Zoom. I appreciated the invitation, because I’d been wanting to get back to more readings, but didn’t want to get a scary one all alone. We did a five-card spread and each did our own analysis.

It may look depressing, but it made sense.

I won’t go into what each position was for, since the spread was just for this group. The gist of my interpretation is that I’m one broken-hearted wise woman who needs to turn away from what makes her sad and go meditate or whatever. As usual, the cards back up what I’m trying to do! The Emperor tells me I’m on a path of leadership, and that’s a nudge to go be a good example more. I’ll heed that advice and go do something: be a more vocal proponent of peace and universal love.

Anyway, that was a different and fun day!

*there is no pattern for this. It’s got a single crochet base and double crochet sides using two strands of Dishie cotton yarn. I seamed the center with slip stitches and added a handle 5 stitches wide. I put this here because I know people always want patterns, but this was just a utilitarian object.

I Annoyed the Horses

I am feeling a bit better today, probably because after a misty morning, we had a beautiful day to enjoy.

After work, I went out to sit outside, but something caught my eye. I saw four horses and a donkey in front of the house, where the unmown grass is. Horse heaven.

I figured they’d finally noticed their fence along the driveway had only one strand of wire and it had mostly broken fence poles or whatever you call them. So I took out some new posts conveniently located in the garage, (ah, yes, we call them posts) and found a random piece of wire I could use to repair the broken wire-attachy-thing. This is not a permanent fix, because it’s a temporary fence and the original plastic posts are deteriorating. But it looks better.

The orange things are new and I “repaired” yellow the top attaching hook.

I got it all fixed, then as I was walking back I surmised that the horses (most likely Apache) had opened their gate to get out. I thought I must not have done as many tricky chain things as were needed to thwart him yesterday. I was all fine with that, since I knew they would come back in for dinner, and that field has some nice older grass for them.

There were little flowers to distract me, too. This is crow poison.

I went over to the bird-watching chair to write down what Merlin heard during my fence repairing (Purple Martin and Lark Sparrow were highlights). When I took a refreshing swig of my fancy soda I found in Kathleen’s refrigerator, i discovered something non-liquid and buzzy in it. I sure spat that bee out fast!

About 20 minutes later, I hit ANOTHER bee, got more drink all over myself, and gave up my reverie.

I lured the horses out of the grassy field with some food, which rude Drew tried to knock me over for until Apache pushed him away and escorted me to the pens. What a gentleman. As a reward, Apache got all cleaned up before his daily workout. Burs. Yuck.

Two old friends. I’m grateful for these two.

After the other horses were finished eating every morsel in every dish, I noticed some teamwork going on. Drew and Mabel marched right up to where the broken fence was, ready to head back to the grass. The new fencing didn’t please them at all. I realized they had indeed broken out and also opened the gate!

They went all the way down to the pond, testing for weak areas. They even pushed a bit. Whew, the fence held. Disgusted, they fetched Dusty for help.

Then I just had to laugh. It’s like Dusty told them to chill out, and the three of them took a nap. They really had eaten a lot!

I’ll probably find them out again tomorrow, but we closed the gate and the guy that is fixing Seneca the motorhome knows how to use it. Yes, all the yearly service is done and some things are fixed! There’s just a water issue to remaining to take care of. The cold was not kind to any of our couplings, it appears. But that’s for tomorrow. I hope I don’t have to disappoint the horses again.

Consequences of the Cold

The recent cold spell has taken a lot out of me. Combined with mourning from losing Goldie and being sad that the Red House on Fannin got rented out, I’ve been not much fun. I’m glad we will get income from the house, but it was fun fixing it up to be the Airbnb. Another failed enterprise. We’re racking them up.

In good news, I unpacked these pretty things from boxes we’d stored at the Red House.

I’m not going to be a part of any more joint ventures with friends and family from now on. Hold me to that. I really stink at such things, and sitting inside in the cold gave me too much time to dwell on past mistakes, knowing perfectly well that beating myself up over past errors and regrets in judgement is not productive. Learn from mistakes and move on, I’ve been repeating that.

I also found my really good bowls and gave away many things to my son and his coworkers. That felt good.

The cold was hard on the birds I usually hang out with, too. For two days in a row I only observed a few birds on Merlin. Yesterday, it saddened me to find one of the male Barn Swallow scouts had died on the porch. I put it safely to rest and then washed my hands a lot in case he had bird flu.

The chickens and Connie made it through the cold snap by staying in their house. They didn’t stop laying eggs, though. Today they were back to normal outdoor activities and Connie finally laid a big ole turkey egg. Here it is compared to her first egg (I saved it).

Today it finally warmed up and I was able to spend my usual amount of time outside. It made a big difference, since I started the day really dragging and ended up with stories to tell Lee.

All the chairs now have cushions, making for good patio time.

I was able to pull some burs off the equines and do more than stick food under their noses and flee. That pleased everyone but Drew, who just isn’t in a good space.

Since I was out a lot, I got to hear and see fun bird action. The Barred Owl was hooting much of the day, which is always fun. There were ducks flying around, too, at least three kinds. Of course, the sparrows, chickadees, and Cardinals entertained a lot. They all seemed glad it warmed up.

I was walking along the fence line listening to a Red-tailed Hawk making some of its weird calls when something white bounced off my head. I looked up to see all the mistletoe above me was full of round, white berries.

Did one just fall on me? No. It quickly became obvious that one of the Mockingbirds had dropped it. It hopped over to the fence then into the bush next to me, scolding me with mistletoe still in its beak. I understood that I was on his territory (must be a male, because he’d been singing earlier) and retreated with a smile on my face.

Hooray. I need my bird observation and horse time to keep me out of my funks and remind me about that living in the moment thing I’m supposed to be aiming for. Darn those polar vortexes.

I’m Ashamed to Admit This

What is your favorite drink?

It’s my biggest vice, because it has no health benefits at all and still I drink it almost every day. It’s Coke Zero. I love it. I allow myself no more than one can a day, I promise.

My other favorite non-alcoholic beverages have at least some positive aspects. I also drink coffee daily, Folgers Colombian. I like it with milk. Most of the time I use creamer, though (another useless beverage). I tried to be a fancy coffee person but I just like what I like. I’ll drink most anything and enjoy trying new flavors and the occasional espresso.

My favorite healthy beverage is mango juice or limeade. Both tend to be so sweet, though.

I do drink alcohol, though I’ve cut down a lot. I like all kinds of wine, amber beer (Negra Modela), and bourbon. A bourbon Old Fashioned makes me very happy. Just one.

I had many Old Fashioned photos to choose from on my camera

I love food prepared simply and don’t snack much unless someone brings Doritos in the house (not much going for them, other than corn and some cheese). I guess since I eat pretty well, get a good amount of exercise, and am at a good weight for me, I can have one shameful beverage a day.

Alfred is back to sleeping on his outdoor couch now that it’s above 20° outside.

These days, we should find joy wherever we can. My Columbian coffee might not be available soon, so I’ll enjoy it along with that Coke Zero.

Back to Deep Thoughts tomorrow.

Enthusiastic about Enthusiasts

Who are your favorite people to be around?

Great question, prompt writers! I have a response.

Tonight I attended the Master Naturalist training class on birds for this year. I was supposed to have a horse lesson, but it was canceled due to the nasty cold and winds. Thus, I did my other option and I’m glad I did.

Suna learned how we birds breathe and what our “wishbones” do.

The speaker was brilliant, a gifted teacher and master birder. Those in our group who feel like we know birds were learning so many details we didn’t want it to stop! (Okay, probably my friend Ann knew most of the stuff.) I’m very glad to have spent four hours learning from him.

He mentioned that woodpeckers have fat around their brains to protect them from all that pecking action.

What struck me as relevant to today’s topic was that he talked about how great it is to love birds, because anyone you meet will have a bird story. Birds give strangers a common topic to start out on (or stay with). It rang so true for me as I think back on how many interesting people I’ve met while birding on camping trips. I guess my favorite people are those with a passion to share.

We learned shore birds aren’t usually territorial. They have plenty to eat.

But it’s not just birds. I find horses often lead to great conversations, and when you meet a fellow equestrian, you practically have to force yourselves to stop talking. I have to also love horse people. Heck. Enthusiasts of all kinds can be most enthusiastic!

Finding common ground may save us if we make the effort. We all have things in common if we take the time to look for them.

I bet you have a bird story or two you could share with me!