work – Page 4 – The Hermits' Rest

Creatures of Habit, Bovine Edition

Now that my exciting software training/tech writing career has ended, I find myself bereft of a mission. I always have a project I’m working on to support users, but I’m out of those. I’m a creature of habit, so I feel compelled to find a project. But is it really a good idea to keep the projects coming?

Believe it or not, watching the cattle in the wooded area next to our house gave me an aha moment. Here’s what happened.

Lee and I went to Lowe’s to get some simple vegetables to put in his raised bed. We also bought two flowering trees, a peach and a pear (nope, not native, but, hey, they are Lee’s trees). When we got home, he drove the Gladiator over to the planting area and proceeded to plant.

Finished planting. Mostly herbs and peppers v

At one point, he booped his keys on the tailgate and that made the horn beep. If you’re rural, you’ll know what’s coming. A truck, something that looks like a feed trough, and a honking horn evokes the food urge in those neighboring creatures of habit, the cattle.

At first just a few adorable calves appeared. One in particular really enjoyed playing with Carlton and Penney. We were charmed.

I went off to feed the equine creatures of habit, who nicely line up in their pens for dinner and tolerate my insistence on grooming them in the late afternoon. Everyone, even Fiona, is now looking good, except around poor Droodles’s head. But I’m getting there!

By the time I came back, all the cattle were crowded against our fence, waiting for us to feed them. Carlton and Alfred valiantly worked to protect us, which really peeved a couple of huge mama cows and the bull. There was quite a cacophony.

The poor dogs got so tired that each of the white dogs went in the swimming pool to cool off.

It took sooo long for the cattle to move back into the pasture, probably because the real food truck appeared.

We will just wait until night if we have to. Moo.

It dawned on me that doing the same thing every time a circumstance looks familiar can lead to disappointment. The cattle didn’t notice that the Gladiator doesn’t usually feed them, or that the “trough” was full of plants. Poor dears.

We aren’t known for our massive intellects.

I need to realize that I don’t need to go find a significant writing project immediately. I’m starting something new, not the usual transition from resting training material in one application or another. I can do something different. There is time to figure out what the next new and fascinating thing will be.

In the meantime, I’m working on collecting some writing and putting it on my Substack, which you can go follow. Eventually, as soon as I let my thoughts come together in new ways, there will be more on Substack than new and recycled blog content about animals and birds.

Who knows? Once I break my habit I could turn interesting!

Why Not End on a Professional Note?

Everything’s going okay on the career wind-down front as well as here at the Hermits’ Rest. However, I experienced something curious today in my final meeting with my coworkers. They expressed surprise that I’d finished a project I’d been working on, and that I was interested in fixing the SharePoint site up and tying up loose ends. I said, “There’s no harm in finishing things up with some professionalism, is there?”

cattle — No bull, I meant it. (That IS a bull on the right)

The project lead said she wished she saw more of that in the people that aren’t leaving, and we all laughed. Honestly, it isn’t their fault the expense cuts had to be made, and I know they are not going to have fun integrating what I was doing with the huge project they are trying to work on. Why not be helpful and help them until I can’t help anymore?

woman holding a feather — Sometimes I do wish I had the option to just fly away. (The feather was replaced where I found it; I know the rules about messing around with migratory bird feathers.)

Later I was thinking back on a couple of other jobs that ended before I was ready for them to end. I especially remember my time at the nonprofit organization, when I was trying to hold my team together while a huge rift was occurring among members. Then, in April, I was informed that my job was being eliminated as of June 1. Two months was a long time to be a lame duck employee, but we were doing a lot of online activities to support mothers and babies, and we needed to keep it coordinated. I could have just stopped, walked away, and told the organization to go screw themselves.

But, nope, I organized volunteers, worked on a transition, and tried to keep people’s spirits up. It was all for naught, but I felt a responsibility to try. And I got life-long friends out of the deal!

The job I had before this one was similar. I could see that things were changing and that I’d take the brunt of it, so I focused my last six months on getting my team supported and not having to do work they weren’t suited for. Once that was done, I was more than happy to go. I guess I just want to finish things up and support team members, even when there’s no one to support me in my work. What does that say about me? I’m a sap? I care about my coworkers? I’m professional?

I don’t know. I think what it really means is that I value people over large corporations and bickering nonprofits. That may be a positive or negative; it just is, I guess!

(PS: someday I’ll tell you about the time I DID just walk out on a job.)

In other news, I’ve been enjoying the new weather station Lee got me for my birthday. It’s much nicer than the previous one and can store data. I’ll still need to get my official rain amounts from the CoCoRaHS gauge, though. That’s the only one that counts in weather official-dom.

Lee also bought a steel raised bed that he wants to grow “things” in. It’s not going to exactly feed us for the next year, but it will give me a project to watch over during my non-working time…as if I need more projects around here.

Onward and upward until there’s a need to be professional again.

Job Woes of the Past

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

First, even though my job is ending earlier than expected this Friday, I’m not overly upset, panicked, or blaming myself. Why’s that? It’s because of what appeared to be a horrible failure at the time, and certainly the nadir of my working years (that’s saying a lot, since I had a couple of workplaces implode under me). I think maybe some of you readers might learn something from this experience, and since I’m retiring, I can share how I screwed up. (If I’ve already told this story, well, here it is again.)

Back when Lee and I were first together, we went through a spell of job challenges. A great long-term contract at 3M fell through because their business was talking, and all I could get were short-term gigs after that. Meanwhile, Lee also lost his job at Dell. I had two children in school, one heading to college, so it was all a bit scary.

I hit a spell where nothing was coming up, so I took the first job where they would hire me. The salary was very low, and the people I interviewed with seemed more interested in getting a body in a seat than my qualifications. But it was at the University of Texas, so I had dreams of security and a pension dancing in my head.

I ended up in a miniature cubicle in the UT Tower (where famous murders occurred) working with an accounting software package that was still housed in its original mainframe and had an ASCII UI. Two of the people I interviewed with had already left by the time I started, and from the first day on, three of the women in the group disliked me. I did my best to learn the system so I could provide help to callers, but even when I did know an answer, they told me I didn’t answer questions right. I needed to stop empathizing with users and stop assuring them their questions were legit, because this accounting software was GREAT and should only be praised for its greatness. It got more and more stressful every day, and to top it all off, I rode a bus at the crack of dawn and at rush hour going home, because I couldn’t get parking. I barely saw my family.

My office was behind one of those windows. Photo by Brixiv on Pexels.com

I kept trying, though, took extra education, got help from and assisted the one or two nice folks, then lost the only really nice coworker, who left for a better department. That should have been my hint to flee.

I remember it sounded like snakes hissing as the Mean Girls complained about me and tapped away carping about me in chats. The boss was even worse. She was some Dean of something and told me I was a big disappointment and offended my coworkers by mentioning I’d been a stay-at-home mother, but I promised to do my best to meet the decrepit accounting software support needs. It was like hell in a tiny tower. I started shaking all day. I couldn’t have done a good job if I tried.

Finally the time came for my 90-day review. The Dean just ripped me a new one, informing me how unqualified I was, how bad I was at user support, and such (they could not complain about my writing!). Here’s the worst part. Did I get up and walk out of there? No. I begged and pleaded with this awful woman, saying I needed to work or my children would lose their home. I honestly thought that is what was going to happen…I was going to fail to pay the mortgage and we’d be evicted.

It was a long bus ride home. Photo by David Geib on Pexels.com

Of course that didn’t happen. But I was so disheartened and down on myself that applying for other jobs was hell. Why would anyone want to hire such a poor worker? I went on unemployment, which at least fed us, and then, sure enough, opportunities arose. I did a bad job teaching Excel for a while (I did fine with Word–I’m not a numbers person), then started on the upswing when I got a GOOD contract for REAL money with people who became lifelong friends. But it was a SLOG getting my confidence back.

That experience taught me that no job is worth debasing yourself for. Yes, we need to work to pay bills and all that, but jobs exist. The next time someone started treating me like a pariah and making work torture, I left. Now? I’m not going to work unless it’s something I enjoy doing with people who are reasonable business folks. Mean Girls/Boys and power-hungry backstabbers won’t get a chance ever again.

I’ll write more about this tomorrow, but I’ve been touched by many kind birthday wishes. It reminds me I’m loved and cared for.

Keeping Up the Hard Work

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.

That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.

To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.

Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.

Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.

I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.

The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.

We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!

No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!

Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.

And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.

In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.

Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.

PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.

The Hits Keep Coming

I don’t know what to do but laugh. This month has just been chock full of unpleasant stuff, but like one of those clown toys from when I was a kid, when I’m hit I just fall down and pop back up.

It the right image but the toy looks best up. Image from Pexels.

That’s new for me. I used to fall apart. Now I react, but deal with it better. The bad news isn’t everything in life, I realized at last. There’s always good, too. Here’s an example.

Yesterday I’d been thinking how proud of myself I was. I’d paid my credit cards down and could see them being all gone in a few weeks. Ha ha. Wishful thinking! I’d only get that feeling for a few hours.

I’d been looking forward to yesterday for a long time. My friend Lynn Hagan was receiving an award from Texas A&M, and she’d invited some friends to attend the reception and banquet. We had to wear nice clothes!

I went to pick up my friend Pamela, who defied all the odds and was not late. We were enjoying a trip down the back roads of Milam County, on our way to get Phyllis, when I got a phone call from the contracting company I work for. as I tried to navigate unfamiliar roads I was informed that Dell has decided to end my contract next week. I’m out of work!

I’m impressed by how well I handled the call. I’d had inklings something was up, though I won’t know for sure until I talk to my supervisor Monday. I’m more annoyed that they couldn’t wait until the contract ended so I’d have time to get Social Security set up (if I do get it…times are uncertain). But I’m just fine. I’ll wait to see what the story is there, and in the meantime I’ll see what’s out there. It will be okay.

I admit I was not feeling great as I drove to College Station, but I ended up meeting many fascinating people and making friends at the reception and meal. It felt so good to be in a room full of humanities and science majors! I miss being around people of my background sometimes, though I feel like an intellectual elite person when I say that. It was fun violently agreeing on many topics and making everyone feel welcome.

I’m glad we were able to go support Lynn as she got her huge framed award.

I couldn’t sleep last night but I did not lay there and blame myself for the job thing or panic about loss of income. I just couldn’t sleep.

But today I did just fine, got all animals at least partly groomed. Mabel kept asking to be brushed more. By the time she decided to leave, her mane was gleaming. And Fiona let me work on her, too. Yay.

Today we are at Inks Lake State Park, which is too crowded for me. But our friend Jen is here, too, which will make it fun to do bird stuff. I’m going to work on my resume and try not to kick myself for dyeing my hair ends purple. Makes me look eccentric.

Onward! It will be fine.

Learning, Learning, Learning, Persistently

Persistence! That’s what I’m practicing these days, and today was a good example of how it helps. Maybe I keep learning the same lessons over and over, but I keep at it!

Another day, more lessons. Lovely sunrise.

My first lesson in persistence was a work thing. There was an issue with my working hours, and I instantly assumed I was at fault. But, I didn’t give up as I once would have, and instead persisted in talking to my contacts, plowing through emails, and believing my own memory. I said I believed there had been an email saying I should work all week except Wednesday, and my contracting contact found it when I couldn’t. They were wrong; I was right. When will I learn to trust myself? At least I keep trying!

That’s supposed to be a picture of a timesheet.

All the patience and persistence I have had to put into my horsemanship journey is another area where I need to learn to trust myself. Today, my faithful partner Apache and I hit another new learning milestone and gained some understanding. We both have needed a lot of encouragement from Tarrin, but we’re making so much progress.

This was my example of him standing better when he stopped. But he rested his leg.

I learned to do some work on his poll (area between his ears, roughly) and to do some stretches for his hind end. He started out disliking it, but ended up so blissed out that we had to wait for him to get out of his trance. It was fascinating to learn how it all works.

And our riding partnership is finally where I’d wanted it to be. Riding is fun at last, not frustrating. Persistence! We can do more than just start, stop, walk, and trot. Yay! We CAN do subtle changes and go sideways and all that. We are slow, but we keep at it.

There’s nothing going to stop me from trusting myself to keep going until I succeed at things that matter to me. Other stuff? I’m just letting it fall to the side. That’s going to help with my mental health. Hmm. That sounds suspiciously like a goal. Do I do those? I’m setting my intentions, that’s it!

The Rural Internet Dilemma

It’s real. It’s a problem. The solution requires hard choices. Yes, if you need reliable high-speed internet and you don’t live near a major metropolitan area, your options are very limited.

It sounds so lovely to work from home at your lakeside cabin, your mountain retreat, or your horse farm in a sparsely populated area tantalizingly close to “real” towns (me). But when you’re watching that little ball go around and around while you’re trying to do a demo, or your download says it will take 36 hours, the romance fades.

Well at least that would take a while. image from Pexels.

It’s a choice to live here, and we knew it would not be easy. We’ve had some good years—I had a wired option from AT&T that worked fine until it broke and I was informed they no longer sold them. Using hotspots was okay, but Zoom ate up our allotted bandwidth very quickly.

So I got this satellite setup from Viasat. It does work, unless it’s raining. But it, too, had limits and would slow to a crawl. Honest. All I do is 2-3 hours of meetings everyday; otherwise not heavy use. We didn’t even dare stream television, to save the fast speeds for work.

For that reason, we had DirectTV satellite television. I’m not going to go over that fiasco again. After waiting weeks to get it fixed, it stopped working. Then the dish fell down. It’s canceled as of last week.

We started streaming for television when I found an unlimited plan on Viasat. All was well other than the slowdowns. They were infuriating. And this stuff isn’t cheap. And we checked all possible systems, but we have a hill nearby and it blocked the solution most folks I know use. Sigh. Much time has been spent on research, which I don’t particularly enjoy.

Spiders build webs faster than I can download a PowerPoint deck.

There was one final option. We just didn’t want to do it. For one thing, it started out very expensive. For another, we are not fond of the owner of the company that provided this really good service we can even take camping with us.

It’s a dilemma! StarLink works. It’s less expensive now. Everyone I know who has it loves it. But. But. I’ve NEVER been a fan of Elon Musk. I didn’t like him years before he became the next US President’s puppet master. And one of the few ways you can show your disapproval of the practices of corporations is to not buy their stuff. (There are some companies whose treatment of LGBTIA people or religious discrimination means they do not get my dollars.)

Lee finally made the decision to get the StarLink system. We will cut a lot of expenses, even with streaming subscriptions. And we can have entertainment while traveling when there’s bad weather and we don’t want to be outside.

But I’m torn, ethically. This is one of those times where there’s no “best” thing to do. We will have to deal with the bad karma we’re generating, I guess!

Ready to Move Forward

Honestly, I’m ready for my current mood to move on. I know I need to feel my feelings but I’m tired of displacing my anger at one part of life and imposing it on other parts. I need to quit being needlessly annoyed.

I’m as irritated as a cat being bathed. Photo from Pexels.

I truly got annoyed at slow drivers on my way home from working at the Round Rock office today. I got annoyed at the dentist for taking every insurance option earth except mine. I got annoyed at people who post blatantly ignorant political crap on social media. Now, none of those things are in my sphere of influence, except I know when I pick my insurance options this year, I’ll check (just can’t fix it right now).

I looked all professional today, though.

And I’ll still annoyingly jittery and forgetful. I dropped things repeatedly at my desk and hit my head twice on overhead cabinets. Then I left my purse with my car keys in it and had to go back in before I left. I’m having a doozy of a nervous episode. I’d be happy to move forward from that, too.

I just can’t force myself to be happy. I can nudge, though. Photo from Pexels.

Even when you know perfectly well that your worries and anxiety will pass, going through them isn’t fun. I even researched places to flee to this evening. That shows how pessimistic I am about the near future. It doesn’t help that the recent hurricane showed how easily a cashless economy breaks down. I never have cash.

Rambling. Did you want a Goldie update instead? She still felt bad through the morning, but then got to feeling better. Her back leg had gotten hurt by standing up awkwardly, but resting helped.

When I got home she was watching the guys try to fix the front door, and when she got up to go inside, she was wagging her tail and looking bright eyed again. We were all relieved. It was good to have a bright spot in the day (of course, chickens and horses lifted my spirits).

Let’s see what shining highlights appear tomorrow.

Time to Heal, So Heel, Goldie!

We got our dog back and I survived the journey. Let’s just say it’s hard for stressed-out people to deal with how those close to them act when stressed out. But Goldie is home!

She was glad to see us, and is walking well for her first tripod day. The poor girl will not pee or poop anywhere but here, so I was glad to hear that they expressed her bladder during surgery. 48 hours is a long time to hold it, even when your bladder is large.

We have to keep her quiet for two weeks and not let her run and jump. That’s gonna be hard, but we brought her crate into the living room where she won’t be alone. You see, Harvey can’t come upstairs since his stroke, so he has to have someone down with him. So, the living room is now a bedroom. Yow.

We took the couch cushions off, too, so Goldie can sleep in her preferred spot without straining. No more straining now that the car ride is over. The exit was difficult.

Yeah, it was an extra stressful day, not only from a dog standpoint but also a work standpoint. Things change a lot when you’re suddenly in change management. But hey, I got to see a hawk up close, not flapping around. That was good.

This is a good spot, says Mr. Red Shoulders.

I’m just tired. Too many early days and too much calendar chaos with meetings and events changing on me. Time to draw on my reserves, because guess what? It’s burr season again. The horses are covered. We didn’t get enough of them. Now I’m pre-exhausted.

At least the dog is back.

At Least It Was a Different Scary Issue Today

It’s fun waiting to see what interesting challenges pop up every day to give me practice in non overreacting and finding the humor in scary situations. Spoiler: I did fine.

Early meetings mean a chance to see pretty skies.

To start the day, the suddenly announced work meeting I was concerned about turned out to be exactly what I thought it would be. My team has quickly pivoted to embrace the possibilities of being in a different group with a different leader. So that scary issue ended up not being entirely scary, though more organizational change is coming. Good thing we’re now in change management.

The change around the neighborhood is cotton harvest. They’ve worked hard the last two days.

I’m glad I had lots of work challenges today, since it took my mind off Goldie. The other dogs are being very good to her and Harvey both.

The big scary event occurred this evening. I’m glad it ended up okay. Another spoiler I guess. Anyway, I was reading a magazine and heard Lee in the kitchen grumbling about ice. You see, our fancy refrigerator has an ice maker that dumps into a tub that slides out for you to get the ice from it. It doesn’t have an in-door dispenser. That’s one less thing to break, but sometimes if ice builds up in the back, cubes can fall behind the freezer drawer, making it not close all the way.

Usually I get the ice out, since I have small hands and am relatively flexible. But this time, Lee got annoyed, and went after the ice himself. Our guess is that he leaned hard on the drawer to balance himself. That caused the entire very large fridge to fall forward. Yes, apparently when it was installed they didn’t anchor it. Why just today I discussed contractor shortcuts at both lunches (indeed, I was at two different Mexican restaurants today).

Where was I? Oh yes, refrigerator trying to squish husband. When we heard glass shattering, both the nephew and I ran into the kitchen. I picked up giant shards of glass, so dogs wouldn’t try to eat it, since two types of broth spilled. The nephew tried to stop things from falling at first, then gave up and just shoved the thing upright so Lee wouldn’t be pinned under it.

Lee popped his shoulder out, but it popped back in, got hit on the head with food items, and has a small cut. That could have been worse.

The cleanup was icky, but we did it, and all the dogs stayed away until all glass was removed and the floor mopped. It was family teamwork at its best, and sure got the adrenaline flowing. I’m very glad I wasn’t the only one in the house with Lee tonight!

These bluebirds (part of a family of five I got to watch as the young ones practiced catching bugs) will tell you, it’s easier with helpful family!

The positive outcome to all this was that I had to take all the mess out to the dumpster right as the lovely harvest moon was rising like a big old pumpkin. I’d missed the partial eclipse last night, but the moon was just fine tonight. I got to do some healthy deep breathing while I watched it, too.

Onward to the next scary thing. I can take it!

Good night from the Hermits’ Rest family.