tarot – The Hermits' Rest

Am I Paranoid or Are They Really Out to Get Me?

I’m not doing myself any favors by watching the news. And it’s really not a good idea to listen to friends’ conspiracy theories. I try to avoid them but they sneak in, leading to nightmares like I used to get during the “duck and cover” years. Yes, yes, I’m too sensitive.

I always felt bad about those trees. And the people nearby.

I get told “they” are making lists of us members of a nonexistent terrorist organization. I can’t find the local meeting schedule or the state office. Maybe I don’t know the secret handshake? I don’t wear the correct golden pin on my lapel? Besides, I thought we fought whole wars against certain kinds of dictatorships. Anyway, if you’re putting me on a list, note that I tried to be kind.

Maybe that Mockingbird who watches me so closely is secretly a spy drone. I hope my birding doesn’t put the people watching the footage to sleep.

I get told to not mention certain topics while my phone is “listening,” and I guess I should be careful what I blog about, since the Chinese are so interested in my writing (really, that still cracks me up). No wonder my subconscious can get paranoid.

Lest you think I was kidding, check out these September 17 stats.

Heck, I did a Mabon tarot reading tonight with my online group, and YOW. It was paranoid! I got the nightmare card, the card about being trapped, and one about swimming against the tide. The rest were all unpleasant wands. My tarot friends pointed out that there IS an escape route on that 8 of swords, and the blindfold can be undone.

All kidding aside, I think my subconscious is just trying to ensure that I don’t wear rose-colored glasses so thick that they allow me to sink so far into denial that I don’t notice important indicators of potential danger. Whatever happens is going to happen, though, so dwelling on possibilities won’t change things—paying attention and swimming against the current without letting myself drown—seems prudent.

And by the way. Things keep breaking. Our upstairs air conditioner’s fan decided now would be a good time to quit working. We will add air conditioner repair to the list, along with RV generator repair. I’m now laughing at it. I promise I’m not invoking broken infrastructure!

And don’t worry, there’s plenty of good stuff to balance things out, appropriate for the season. At least I knew the Rapture wasn’t gonna come get me. I appreciate the wisdom of Jesus, but not what’s been done in his name, especially lately.

Hello from Oregon

I’ve been in the Portland, Oregon area since yesterday morning, here for work meetings at my fine new job. I’ve had a great time so far, and feel like I’ve contributed to some good work with this company.

I’ve had no issues getting my exercise in, because I’ve walked back and forth between buildings many times. Each meeting seems to be in a different building. It would be fun, except it’s as hot as Texas! It will cool off, maybe.

The rose city is Portland. I’m in Tualatin.

It’s pretty here but I don’t see myself having much time to see any nature. I’ll keep trying! The work setting is great, too. I’ve learned a lot about the amazing machines this company produces for the semiconductor industry, and I enjoyed seeing the research areas very much.

No interior photos due to secrets and stuff.

Mostly I’m really enjoying meeting my coworkers and the people we are helping. I’ve had a lot of fun chatting and laughing as well as getting lots done. Any hiccups have been worth it. Maybe I’ll get to come back someday.

I hope to be less tired and more coherent tomorrow! Maybe I’ll be able to describe my days better.

The tarot card of the day was the Child of Water (Page of Cups).

She reminds me of myself as a child, who ran along the beach in Sarasota, Florida. I found out a coworker now lives there today, so the card evokes my memories. The card just reminds me of myself, the little dreamer. Currently the very tired little dreamer in the Pacific Northwest.

On Judging Others and Yourself

Judging is something humans do. People unlike themselves get judged. Much judging is unfair and undertaken without the necessary information to make a fair judgement. If you think you’re not judgmental, examine your thoughts. It creeps in, even when you dearly hope to avoid it.

I’m improving in this area, after too many people have accused me of it. I’m always truly surprised, but eventually learn to see how they might interpret things I say or do as judgmental. Or sometimes they’re judging me. Ha! What a web of judgments!

It took me longer to create this image than to write the post.

I started thinking of this when a family member posted this on Facebook:

I have never been hated or judged by someone I want to become! Think about that for a while

It made me think not of other people, but of ourselves. The person I’ve judged and felt negatively toward the most is ME! Much therapy and practice of self love has gone into getting me where I am today, which is in a space where I’m comfortable with myself just as I am, mistakes and all.

I don’t want to become like anyone else anymore, nor do I want to bend over backwards to please others so much that I’m no longer me, but some miserable fake. So if someone hates or judges me, I’m much better at noticing it and letting it go. It’s their problem.

Have you read this before? Probably. Periodically I’m compelled to write some version of this “new and improved me” statement. My guess is that it happens for one of three reasons:

I’ve found myself judging someone or a group of people and need to remind myself that I’m trying not to do this. It’s hard at times, though.
I’ve realized someone has been judging me and it stings a bit. That’s okay; I just need to let the moment pass and not ruminate on it.
I’m reminded of some things I did in the 1980s that make me cringe now. That happened today. Then I remembered this person was also going through a series of very public poor decisions at the time. We both need to forgive ourselves and each other.

So yeah. I think most of us want to become our best possible selves, and a good start would be to love and have compassion for ourselves rather than hatred and judgment.

Tarot card of the day

It was another repeat, but another good one, the Ace of Cups, reminding me that I’ve been on a long journey and am tired of struggling, but I e made it to where I want to be and ready to start afresh with love in my heard.

This fits with my thinking.

Too Tired? Then Don’t Blog

Yesterday I wrote a long post about my day yesterday. But did I manage to share it? Nope. At least the email subscribers got to see it. I shared this evening. Better late than never.

In related lateness, I finally found a moth, after moth week ended. *Helicoverpa zea*, a huge pest to agriculture.

I also was tardy with my own health. Thanks to the internet outage last week I wasn’t able to go to my nurse practitioner to get my thyroid medication prescription refilled. Today it was very obvious that my body wants its pig hormones (I use natural hormones for all my faulty bodily functions). TMI. Anyway, I have a sore “throat,” which is really sore glands. Let’s hope I can get to the pharmacy tomorrow, which may be hard given my schedule.

I’ll try to be as persistent as this scary robber fly

That’s enough whining. I will end this short blog with three different species of Ruellia that I’ve seen in the past three days. It’s been a good year for these “Mexican Petunias” around here this year, but I only have one kind here at the Hermits’ Rest. These are so pretty, but they get around—the flowers shoot seeds for quite some distance. I’ve witnessed it at my old house, where I actually planted some. I feel sorta bad for the people who bought the house.

Metz’s Ruellia, *Ruellia metziae –* I’ve only seen this one other time

Tarot card of the day

Today was a welcome return of the 9 of Pentacles. It’s funny, because I told the nurse practitioner how content and grounded I am right now. I’m so much better at observing the negativity without absorbing it these days.

Dang You, Musky Satellites

You can certainly get accustomed to your technology. When it fails, your day can go downhill fast. That was my experience when my deal with the Devil, otherwise known as a subscription to the Musky StarLink Satellite Connectivity Godsend. When it’s good, it’s our link to the world. When it’s bad, wow, you feel disconnected!

StarLink went down in the middle of my work day. It did not help that my backup plan, connecting to my phone hotspot, was unavailable. AT&T was displaying SOS. Yup. The phone was out of commission, too. I was hosed.

Just waiting for the vultures to start circling my dead connectivity.

It’s hard to tell your coworkers why you’re not at meetings when your only option is to send them a letter, ya know? But, it’s not common and the system is mostly reliable. Still, Lee and I both have had fleeting thoughts about what would happen if someone attacked the satellites we rely on. Back to the olden days? Eek.

I do still write things by hand, like my bullet journal.

Anyway, StarLink came back. And I went out and rode my horse in the intense heat and sweated all that paranoia off!

Tarot card of the day

Man, this new practice of drawing a card a day after many years without it is very different. The thing that’s taking some getting used to is how darned encouraging the cards are so far. Today? 9 of Pentacles.

This card is about having all you need (in material things) and feeling content. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling with regard to my physical situation these days. I can’t imagine having a more pleasant and supportive setup in my life, designed to keep me mentally healthy and stable no matter what else is going on.

The 9 of Pentacles reminds me of how kind my family has been to provide this safe haven at the Hermits’ Rest. I have my animals, my pool, the porch, my books, and all that yarn. Material things aren’t necessary, but for some of us they provide comfort, security, and stability when everything around us is unstable.

Hmm. Lots to think about today.

Maybe I’m Not Cut Out for This

Yesterday I worked ten hours and had eight meetings, nearly all of which were challenging and some of which were stressful. Yow. I was truly wiped out at the end of the day, but managed stay online another half hour for my tarot group. My ears hurt from wearing headphones all day!

I wished I was on the porch with all the new pillows and cushions.

It has taken me all day today to recover from yesterday. Luckily today I had some nice writing to do, and lunch to enjoy, which helped. And a friend dropped by after work, which was a good surprise.

Drew and I felt similarly yesterday afternoon.

Never fear, I’m still loving my consulting job and the people I’m working with, but it’s a real job so of course there are challenges! I’m just disappointed that I didn’t recover as quickly as I’d like to have. It makes me feel my age. Ugh. I’ll have to figure out a way to ration my energy better. I want to contribute!

This is my bucolic photo of behind the house for Robert.

I spent as much time today as I could meditating and planning how to care for my energy and brain so I can be productive.

See how perky I looked with my official iNaturalist shirt and cicada earrings?

Naturally, hanging out with birds helped me clear my mind. There were so many today, which was great fun. Red-eyed Vireos were everywhere making their weird sounds, as were Great Crested Flycatchers, and not fake Mockingbird ones, either. Just identifying what was flying while I was floating in the pool around sunset was enough to bring me back to my center.

This bird sighting made me chuckle. The Great Egret looks fascinated by the cow’s rear.

I’m sure glad I live here in the peace and quiet (mostly; tonight they’re harvesting Milo or something across the road, which entails big machines, shiny lights, and hubbub.) That’s just once or twice a year, though.

Carlton would like me to go to sleep! Okay!

Tarot cards of the day

Yesterday my card was the Teacher or Hierophant. I like this image of a wise person learning in different ways. It’s better than the mean institutional guy in Robin Wood. Plus it has a Great Blue Heron!

The card was a great choice, since the spread my tarot friends and I did last night was about messengers and the lessons they had for us. I was encouraged to keep going in my new endeavors. Also I had to laugh when I drew the 3 of Cups as one of the messages, because it had happy, playful otters on it!

Today’s card was The Sun, which I forgot to photograph. It’s very summery and happy in the Gaian deck. To me it felt like celebrating that I am handling what comes my way with positivity, even through some painful times of change.

This is Benebell Wen’s image. I’ll replace it tomorrow when I go downstairs.

Repost: You Know They’re Here, but They Are Hard to See

This is not Déjà vu.

I’m sharing what I wrote up this morning on the Master Naturalist chapter blog. I think you’ll enjoy it, too.

Posted on July 21, 2025by Sue Ann (Suna) Kendall

Those of us in and around Milam County, Texas know there are more native mammals out in our area besides deer, cottontails, raccoons, opossums, and armadillos. But many aren’t easy to spot. I’ve never seen a porcupine, for example, but I know they’re out there. Occasionally we will spot coyotes, bobcats, or (very rarely) mountain lions. The most fun mammals we look for, though, are beavers and river otters.

A likely sighting site, Walker’s Creek bridge on County Road 140, featuring: flood debris.

This morning I was doing my daily walk to the bridge and back, dreading the inevitable scattering of annoyed vultures (today both Black and Turkey) who have been patiently working on what appeared to be a deceased Holstein steer, which must have come a long way, since we have no Holstein cattle nearby. Cow mercifully not shown.

Sure enough, I scared the giant birds off. Then I noticed a head larger than that of a turtle or snake in the creek. Ooh! A mammal! I was instantly ready to snap a photo, figuring it would see me and exit.

Sure enough, something brown and wet was exiting. Was it a beaver or an otter? I was ready to verify by checking its tail.

Yay! It was a river otter! How fortunate I was to see this water mammal! I’ve seen two swimming together here a few years ago, and one crossing our field after a big rain. That was very cute.

I didn’t take too many more photos, because I was enjoying the moment. But I was very happy to finally document one on iNaturalist!

River otters are also called common otters (Lontra canadensis). As their scientific name suggests, they are found all over North America, except for a swath of territory in the center of the country.

They love to eat fish, crayfish, and turtles, but will also eat other small animals. They aren’t a danger unless you own a fish farm, which would lead to happy otters. River otters also love to play, which makes them very popular in zoos.

I’m glad we still have some otters here in Milam County, because they’re a sign of healthy waterways. I guess Walker’s Creek is pretty good other than pooping and dying cattle.

I’m still looking for a beaver, though I’ve seen evidence at a fellow Master Naturalist’s property nearby.

Bonus observations:

I saw a Northern Cardinal eating away at the berries of a nettle-leaf noseburn vine. more fell to the ground than went in.
Yesterday I was swimming when I saw a small bird bathing in the shallow “beach” end of our pool. I figure it was a House Sparrow, but her breast was yellowish. Then she shook her wings. She was a Painted Bunting! I’d never seen one at the pool before!
Also yesterday I heard a Summer Tanager, and something chirped back. It was the female, for once not hiding. I’m always impressed with myself if I can ID a female bird of a species with drab females.

Nettleleaf noseburn *Tragia urticifolia –* photo by Sue Ann Kendall

Female Painted Bunting Passerina ciris – photo by Lloyd Davis

Female Summer Tanager *Piranga Rubra* – photo by Don Danko

Tarot Card of the Day

Today I drew a great card for the topic of this blog, the Child of Air (page of Swords). It’s about having the enthusiasm of a curious child who is in awe of nature and the world around them. In the Gaian deck, she is entranced by butterflies, an air allusion.

I bet she’d have been as excited as I was about encountering an otter in the wild!

The Slug of Exhaustion

The title is my weak analogy to yesterday’s blog title, The Salmon of Knowledge. I was pretty sluggish today after all yesterday’s exercise, though I ended up with almost as much exercise today, thanks to swimming in circles around the pool and vigorously winding yarn into ball, which counts.

Of course, I spent time in nature. Hope these Mockingbird babies make it.

It’s healthy to take a day off from being busy, though, so I gave myself permission to sit on the porch, watch documentaries on octopi, and enjoy food Kathleen made. The porch is getting even more relaxing. Two of my cushions arrived, and now lying on the couch is as comfortable as my bed.

Lee says the pillows are too loud. I say they pull together the trim, couch, and blue chair colors. Wait until he sees the outdoor rug…

Being the Slug of Exhaustion today also allowed me to ignore anything stressful that I possibly could. I just looked at my surroundings and enjoyed them, enjoyed the family, and will take the stress back up tomorrow.

Since I have nothing deep to say, let me recommend the Billy Joel documentary, And So It Goes, part 1 of which just came out. This part covers the years I really liked, the 70s, when he was quite amazing to see live. You end up really liking his first wife.

Oh, here’s something exciting. The unused RV that had been next to my tack room went away today. It will be easier to get to my square bales of hay that way. It looks all color-coordinated now!

Tarot card of the day

Today I pulled the Explorer (knight) of Water (cups). It’s a pretty darned happy card, hinting I’m in a good place, emotionally today, able to navigate the waves of feelings smoothly. It also may indicate a new emotional path, sort of like yesterday’s 10 of Water.

We will see. As I grow more Hermit-like in my self preservation mode, I’ll be interested to see if anything manages to stir me in new emotional directions other than inward!

The Salmon of Knowledge

I said I’d draw a card from my new deck daily for a while. The one I drew today sure fit! It was the Ace of Water (cups), and it has my favorite Celtic symbol, the salmon of knowledge.

Yesterday I drew the 10, which focuses on the return home. The Ace is about starting a new path to your heart’s desire. Spot on!

Today my neighbor, Vicki, and I had our first lessons together with Apache and Drew. I know for her it felt like restarting her desire to work with horses, and for Drew, it was a start working with a new human.

Drew discovers he has to do what Vicki says.

We all ended up very tired after many hours in the sun, but we were happy. Drew was happy to be back at work, especially since he’s so tubby he can’t even buck properly when he can’t canter right. There’s work to be done!

Apache is doing better, too, and everyone survived the trailer experience with Vicki’s vehicle. I look forward to finding out what’s next on this journey. May the salmon grant us emotional fulfillment and knowledge!

Book Report: Gaian Tarot

I haven’t been buying many tarot decks in the past few years. I’ve been happy with my favorite old friends, mostly Robin Wood. But last month I was intrigued by a deck my tarot friend Cat Dancing was using. I liked the nature images on the cards and the artistry of Joanna Powell Colbert, the author of The Gaian Tarot: Healing the Earth, Healing Ourselves (2nd edition, 2025).

I’d heard of Colbert before, as she’s well known in the community, and I knew she was well respected, but I never got around to getting the earlier edition of this deck and book. I’m glad I was encouraged to do so!

I always like it when the book accompanying a deck has original insights and explanations of why each card depicts its components, and Colbert doesn’t disappoint. She weaves her nature themes skillfully through the traditional Fool’s Journey, court, and pip cards, creating a deck you can easily read from but gain new insights as well. I’m not finished reading all the text for each card, but appreciate that she gives a description, a positive and negative interpretation, and helpful keywords for each card. Her perspective is wise and novel enough to make me think differently about familiar archetypes.

This archetype of transformation showed up today, a roseate skimmer

I admit that any deck with salmon of knowledge and holy wells in it makes me happy. That’s my little Cups suit bias. I realize this makes no sense to most readers. Indulge me.

So this evening I spent some time breaking in the cards, which have lovely gold edges. They are somewhat less stiff now. Then, because I’m having some difficulty dealing with some interpersonal challenges, I did a simple three-card reading.

The past was 5 of Air (swords). Here eagles are squabbling, birds and sky representing air. There is some squabbling going on around me, and it feels like some parties have their talons out. I was glad to see this in the past—maybe it will settle down soon.

The present was the 4 of Earth (pentacles) with squirrels gathering up nuts for the winter. I like Colbert’s interpretation of this card as meaning to gather resources for the future, rather than the greed and miserliness Robin Wood depicts, which I always thought was more the dark side of the card. Anyway, right now I am actually saving up for the future with this short-term job. I’m reminded not to let myself get drawn into work drama. I’m there to help out and give myself a nest egg. But I’ll remember to share!

The future card is the 10 of Water (cups). Here we have the salmon! The Gaian card depicts their lifecycle, ending with their return home to die. Here I prefer Wood’s happy family gathered together. But both are about gathering at home, a completion of a cycle, and a happy one at that. I’m not sure what this portends for my future, though I have been thinking about how I have all I need now, and that I’m happy with those close to me—nice to think it will continue after the squabbling and saving.

Wake up or the archetypal vultures of decay will get you! No snoozing at my tarot babble!

Ha. I used to blog my tarot readings all the time. It’s been so long most readers are probably shaking their heads. Maybe I’ll do a card of the day again for a while, as I get used to this deck.

Or I’ll just gaze at clouds and see what I can gather from them.

Remember, you all, I use tarot to help me see things in a different light, to reach into areas I might be inattentive to, and to keep me centered. It’s a tool. Use the tools that work for you as we navigate these unprecedented times.