No kidding, today started out like nothing was going to go right. My first sight, when I went out to check the exciting .04” of rain we got, was an unpleasant unalive mammal. An hour or so later I stepped in gross septic water because it was draining near the chicken pens.
They do have a new entrance ramp, though.
Next I sprayed cold water all over myself trying to fix the automatic waterer without turning off the water. Bright. I did fix it, and my offspring the handyman built a temporary brace to stop big, clumsy Darryl Junior from stomping on the water hose and loosening the connection. Yay.
There is now another piece of concrete and some wood where my foot is here, to stabilize the hose. Yes that’s my wet shoe. And the other thing is what I put their grit in, and it’s a pig (someone always asks).
Then I dropped stuff and nearly failed in putting mice traps in the tack room (sorry, don’t want to die of hanta virus). I got stuff all over me.
At least I had a good interlude when my Precious Stepsister called and she listened to my anxiety stuff. That’s because I gave her a rock.
Not the rock I gave her, but my message to you!
And finally, I sat down to enjoy Facebook at lunch only to discover this article, detailing how the homophobia in Texas is so bad that a children’s book author whose in-laws I’ve known for decades can be prevented from talking about his charming nonfiction books (I’ve read many of them) in elementary schools because there is one sentence in one book that acknowledges LGBTQIA+ people exist. How low can this place go? Rhetorical question.
Read all about Chris Barton and consider buying a young friend (or yourself) one of his books. As a matter of fact, I bought a copy of every book he’s written for children and sent them to my unofficial granddaughter.
And our US Senator has once again left the state when bad weather is coming. Coincidence, I’m sure.
I was pretty mad at the world much of the day, especially when the dogs found something I won’t mention and brought it into the house to fight over. While Penney tried to kill Carlton (she kept going when he stopped at Lee’s command, so Carlton lost), Harvey ate the contested item. All I can say is I’m glad I was feeding horses then. It sounded pretty yucky.
You can sorta see a scrape under his chin, but his leg is worse; he’s favoring it (but it’s not broken).
After all those small things built up, I was about to go crawl under the covers, but then I had a second good phone call of the day that cheered me up about possible not horrible developments in my life!
And we had a Screech Owl today. Yay!
See, there’s always good among the nauseating events. You just have to be patient and not spend all day hiding under the covers.
I have some firmly held beliefs that have caused me deep sadness because I dare to express them. you can be blackballed for these beliefs. And of course I realize my beliefs are aspirational goals.
I expect the following groups of people to be treated with respect and dignity by their community, leaders, and law enforcement.
Women
Children
Black, brown, red, and white people
Gays
Lesbians
Trans people
Bisexuals
Intersex people
Anyone who loves anyone else or presents as any gender they want to
Pagans
Jews
Liberal Christians
Muslims
Any other spiritual path I missed
Descendants of Pilgrims
Native Americans
US Citizens
Legal Immigrants
Undocumented immigrants
People with physical handicaps
People with mental handicaps
Those addicted to or who abuse legal or illegal substances
People who commit crimes
People who make bad mistakes
People of all political parties or groups
Criminals
Poor people
Rich people
Intellectuals
Feminists
White supremacists
Oh, pretty much everybody
I didn’t say I condone or agree with ideas or actions of everyone, but basic human decency means that you can disagree, keep yourself safe, and enforce laws respectfully. I know it can happen. I know it’s never happened 100%, but we’re doing worse now, not better.
At least my animals still like me.
It also makes me unpopular to believe that the following people should be allowed to express their thoughts in the USA:
People who agree with the current US government’s policies and actions
People who like some things about the current situation and not other things
People who disagree with or have concerns with how our leaders conduct themselves and the decisions they make
People who believe what they see with their own eyes
People who prefer to be told what to believe
This state of affairs should not turn us against each other. Please don’t let us keep falling further and further into us versus them. We all suffer when that happens. Our families, friendships, businesses, and communities suffer. We lose the ability to trust.
Kindness starts with YOU. And me.
I’m despondent tonight over losing a friend. I should not have admitted that I’m afraid of things that are happening in the US. It’s becoming more and more clear that if I want to be safe I should not question what happens, do as I’m told, keep my head down, stay inside, and shut up. Damn, I’ve tried to be a good person.
How did my weekend off go? Well, it featured some lovely conversations with dear friends and family. It always feels good to keep in touch, and I look forward to more of that. I guess that’s my current mission, to reach out and connect with people I care about, while I still can.
It’s the sunset in many ways
The governor of the state where I live has given our voting records to the national government. This will allow them to see which primary people voted in, since you have to declare which party’s ballot you want. Oddly, many people I know vote in the Republican primary because no one dares run as a Democrat, so many races are decided then. So maybe some of us wouldn’t be targeted if it comes to that.
Oh look. My outdoor plants joined the Christmas cactus to create a cheerful display while it’s cold.
Yeah, I’m not feeling any better. This whole deal where half the US lived in one version of reality and the other half lived in a completely different world only worked when there were checks and balances. The government now parrots the words of an evil regime and has their own scary police force with no incentive to follow legal process.
My bitter old white woman face
But gee, we still have birds and flowers. Yay!
As I mentioned last week, there has been a Black Phoebe here. It’s stayed for days now, and I’ve managed to see it three times.
Black Phoebe
I was very doubtful that Merlin was accurate on this one, because it’s not usually found here. But, I know what the Eastern Phoebe looks like (ours are medium gray with pale yellow breasts), and the bird I’ve seen is very dark with a very white belly, like above.
Range, which does not come close to my house.
The app also registered a Say’s Phoebe, which at least has a closer range, and I kind of believe since my friend Michelle had one show up in Merlin at her house.
Say’s Phoebe Say’s range
I now feel more confident, since remembered that part of the Merlin app is a feature where it will show you all the birds you’re likely to see on any day. Here are the ones I’m most likely to have seen today in Cameron, Texas. Note the Eastern Phoebe among my good bird buddies.
January 12, 2026
But hey, look what comes up when I type in Phoebe! If I’m going to see the two western phoebes, this would be the week!
The blackbird is there because I only searched for “phoe”
So, this has been fun to observe! It’s been really cold (for here), but the birds have been out, especially the sparrows and wrens. Other than the incredibly windy Saturday, I’ve been out enjoying them every day, along with the horses.
And of course Penney.
Funny horse story. When it got so windy and cold, I figured I should put Dusty’s new blanket on him, since he’s so thin, though fuzzy. I didn’t think it through, though, and when I brought the blanket out to show him, Dusty was scared to death! He shook and ran as far away as he could in his pen. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. I felt like I betrayed him.
On the other hand, Apache thought the blanket was cute.
I’ve left the blanket hanging on Dusty’s gate, and I put his food dish near it. He’s still not happy. I guess the old cow horse never needed a blanket before and doesn’t want one now.
Anybody need a gummy bear-themed blanket for a small horse?
Thank you for reading, for being kind to others, and for cherishing your life.
Dammit. When I read 1984 I never thought it would be coming true in 40 years. I give up. The truth, kindness, laws, and peace no longer are important to so many that I just need to give up for a while. I’ve been trying to see all the beauty and good around me. But I’m very sad. People are living up to their awful reputations. I must take a break and regroup.
I must find my compass again.
It would help if I kept my own beliefs in mind. It might work for you, too.
Good news: I did see the Black Phoebe today and 60 other species. That gave me some positive moments!
I paid attention and also saw a female Pyrrhuloxia
Anyway. My Reminder Rocks have a message for everyone.
I’m not giving up, though. This is a BIG rock. it bears repeating.
The two most frightening days of my adult life are remembered by dates. One is 911. I still have dreams of being lost at O’Hare airport and can hear in my mind the sound of my plane’s captain telling us his colleagues and many others had just perished. I had the same feeling of living a nightmare on January 6, 2021. I can’t remember why I was watching a news channel then, but I was. I was terrified that the mob would kill lawmakers or burn down the US Capitol. I guess I expected terrorists to act that way, but not our citizens.
Today I did not forget. I saw it with my own eyes. It was real.
What’s also real is that there are millions of good, kind, ethical and law-abiding people in this country. I will not forget that, either. I had conversations all day that reminded me of it. I was reminded of how much we have in common, even if we grew up in different places. I was reminded of how even folks with values unlike mine mostly try to be good people, even if they don’t quite hit the mark (thinking of Mom).
I also discovered that I don’t have to think every person is a “good guy” for them to matter. People do awful things. They do. I can be disgusted by things people say and do but still see their humanity. Sounds simple but it’s hard for me to get my head around. Like my coworker’s grandmother said, “everybody’s a little crazy.” All of us.
I felt good today wearing my “You matter” shirt and painting good intentions into poorly lettered Reminder Rocks. it helped me send out positive thoughts, energy, intentions, or vibes even on this scary day. I kept channeling acceptance until I felt okay.
Reminder!
If we stick together in spite of our differences maybe we can turn this country into a less scary place, one kindness at a time. And even if we don’t, we can’t say we didn’t try.
I listened to a lot of CNN News (what Lee likes) and NPR (my preference) today. Much of it was helpful in seeing multiple perspectives on current events, though by the time I was heading toward the year-end awards ceremony for Working Horse Central, I was feeling pretty glum.
Luckily the subject of On the Media switched to a discussion of whether the US is in its worst shape, has lost hope, etc., and while that sounds depressing, it helped me get a wider perspective. Brooke Gladstone talked to Bryan Stevenson, public interest lawyer and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, a human rights organization based in Montgomery, Alabama, and he masterfully reminded her of how far the country backslid in race relations after the Civil War. He told a healing story about reconciliation, which reminded me and the rest of the audience that we still have many good people in this place and that we just need to keep going. (This was the January 2 episode, but the interview was in April 2025—look it up!)
National Memorial for Peace and Justice in Montgomery. These pillars are memorials to people who were lynched, county by county. Stevenson directs it.
The point is that uplifting and encouraging stories like the one I heard don’t downplay real-life challenges, but don’t ignore progress and positive actions. And NPR and other news outlets do feature them (and book reviews, science stories, etc.) if you happen to be listening at the right time.
I asked the AI to make me with “pleasant news only,” but it sucks.
So what I wish existed was a service that pings you or sends you a schedule for when non-depressing news and information is coming up. Or one that switched to soothing music each time certain officials are quoted, discussed at length, etc. I can take about five minutes of the latest depths to which this country’s leadership has fallen to. After that, let me learn about something else. Please, someone invent that or point me to it.
ChatGPT can at least spell.
Sorry for the rant. 2026 already feels 12 months long. But I did enjoy time with the nice horses and riders this morning, I enjoyed my own horses, especially Apache, and I enjoyed dinner with friends.
Mimosas made me happyTarrin teaching her baby stallionMy favorite mare of Tarrin’s getting warmed up. She’s still learning. Jackie is a great role model for groundwork. Smooth and responsive.
I feel better realizing that there has been injustice throughout our history, but there are always people fighting it.
My new game I play every day is to see how much further the current US President can sink into the pit of disgusting behaviors he’s creating. Honest, I’ve been trying to ignore it, but my body tells me that ain’t working.
I’m not going to list things that make me physically sick. You either have noticed them all or have some excuse that lets you put it aside so you can maintain your beliefs. We all do that.
Flower break! Henbit is up and starting to bloom. Good news for the chickens.
I’m just pissed off that it’s giving me anxiety pain and hurting others in much worse ways. I’m hoping the downward spiral breaks soon and we can live in only a semi-weird country, not a batshit crazy one.
I need to make another of these rocks for me.
At least it was a pleasant enough day and I got all my errands done, including lunch with our accountant. He’s a character, but then, my previous accountant was a Hare Krishna with bells on his office chair to remind him to chant.
Tomorrow will be another sunrise closer to the Winter Solstice. I’m gonna have to burn a big Yule log
Remember I still care for ALL of you. There should be room in our hearts for disagreement.
Of the services that deliver packages to our house, one used to be my favorite, FedEx. They always brought my stuff up the driveway and once the driver helped us when a member of the family fell and got overheated. The USPS woman is just fine, while UPS had a woman who wouldn’t bring anything to the house, so I had to go tote them (like horse feed—heavy).
Enjoy my latest mandala. It’s bright.
Suddenly, starting a few months ago, FedEx decided that our driveway didn’t exist and started dumping packages at the next driveway that leads to the cow operation barn and my son’s cabin. It’s usually in long grass. I’ve been annoyed.
Oh look. I have moody brown nails, matching how I felt about my deliveries.
I thought I’d fixed it by getting online help from their Facebook page. I was wrong. I was probably talking to a bot. My packages continued to go to the wrong place. I despaired of ever getting the problem fixed since calling and website checking did not help.
Nope, none of this happened. I could not track the case. Grr.
But yay! On Thursday I had gotten the mail then was out working on the round pen when I saw it! The dang truck was dropping something off next door. I dropped the stuff in my hands and sprinted (translation: jogged briskly) to the road to catch the driver before the truck passed. My quads still hurt.
But I did it! I got the guy to stop. He started to “diffuse” me immediately. I wonder if he realized that pissed me off more. I was just trying to say my driveway is not where he dropped off packages. I felt justified in telling him how hard it was to tell FedEx their GPS software was wrong.
Indeed, it was. Whoever took over for the previous drivers (nice woman and man) had moved the pin on their Maps software to the wrong driveway, because like Apple Maps, it doesn’t acknowledge our driveway for some reason. Apple Maps is annoying that way, thinking there’s a driveway from the other driveway. That’s been gone for years.
The red line is our driveway, where the mailbox is. The yellow path is not a road.
The upshot of it all is that the guy moved the pin and added a note. I’m patiently awaiting the next delivery. But I think I finally triumphed. I hope.
I have as much hope as this out-of-season pink evening primrose.
I’m not doing myself any favors by watching the news. And it’s really not a good idea to listen to friends’ conspiracy theories. I try to avoid them but they sneak in, leading to nightmares like I used to get during the “duck and cover” years. Yes, yes, I’m too sensitive.
I always felt bad about those trees. And the people nearby.
I get told “they” are making lists of us members of a nonexistent terrorist organization. I can’t find the local meeting schedule or the state office. Maybe I don’t know the secret handshake? I don’t wear the correct golden pin on my lapel? Besides, I thought we fought whole wars against certain kinds of dictatorships. Anyway, if you’re putting me on a list, note that I tried to be kind.
Maybe that Mockingbird who watches me so closely is secretly a spy drone. I hope my birding doesn’t put the people watching the footage to sleep.
I get told to not mention certain topics while my phone is “listening,” and I guess I should be careful what I blog about, since the Chinese are so interested in my writing (really, that still cracks me up). No wonder my subconscious can get paranoid.
Lest you think I was kidding, check out these September 17 stats.
Heck, I did a Mabon tarot reading tonight with my online group, and YOW. It was paranoid! I got the nightmare card, the card about being trapped, and one about swimming against the tide. The rest were all unpleasant wands. My tarot friends pointed out that there IS an escape route on that 8 of swords, and the blindfold can be undone.
Run! (From Robin Wood Tarot)
All kidding aside, I think my subconscious is just trying to ensure that I don’t wear rose-colored glasses so thick that they allow me to sink so far into denial that I don’t notice important indicators of potential danger. Whatever happens is going to happen, though, so dwelling on possibilities won’t change things—paying attention and swimming against the current without letting myself drown—seems prudent.
From the Gaian Tarot
And by the way. Things keep breaking. Our upstairs air conditioner’s fan decided now would be a good time to quit working. We will add air conditioner repair to the list, along with RV generator repair. I’m now laughing at it. I promise I’m not invoking broken infrastructure!
Never fear! I have a fan!
And don’t worry, there’s plenty of good stuff to balance things out, appropriate for the season. At least I knew the Rapture wasn’t gonna come get me. I appreciate the wisdom of Jesus, but not what’s been done in his name, especially lately.
There are some practices and “mind tricks“ I use to stay on a level key while the world of people, politics, and ethics changes to something almost unrecognizable. Note that I am not describing how to remain calm (I no longer know what that means or if anyone is “sane“ anymore). But rather I want to share what I do to keep myself productive, centered, and able to find joy/good/happiness.
I wrote this all out by hand. I needed to write.
Spend as much time outdoors as possible, doing chores, getting exercise, relaxing—it all counts.
You might see spring flowers in September!
Meditate. I count some of my bird observation is this – deep focus on breathing sound, etc. turning off the internal chatter (when I dictated the text, this came out as “cheddar”) that adds to anxiety.
Stay in the moment. Be aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to people and things around you. This lets you see moments of peace and beauty amid broader chaos.
Limit exposure to negativity. Stop listening to provocative sources of information remove controversial people from your life as much as possible – if you must be around someone (coworker, family, or service provider) set boundaries and only interact on neutral topics so you can just walk away physically or mentally.
Assume good intentions. Remind yourself that people who upset you mostly aren’t doing so to bother you —often they think they are doing good —so treat them kindly, assuming they are well intentioned from their perspective, and let them share their thoughts, but let unintentionally hurtful things flow over you —you can be kind and not let the harmful stuff inside you.
Treat people kindly. Doing something nice for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do makes you feel better and invites good to come back to you.
Be grateful. Take the kindness of others in and be grateful for it. Expressed your gratitude, because a lot of people really seem to crave the positive affirmation, and it doesn’t hurt to help them out.
Give yourself permission to relax and retreat. Read a book watch a funny or engaging television show or video. Do this in moderation. Hiding in Facebook or on TikTok can be a problem.
Remind yourself of connections. However you are connected to other people, groups and cultures, treasure your own connections to your groups and enjoy them—just not to the exclusion of others. We are ALL family. (OK I’m preaching here.)
—All X people are evil/my enemy. No, the ideas they are being fed are the issue, not the people. Be angry at the source, which most likely is corporate interests (says Suna and Robert Reich).
—I can’t do anything about X. No, by keeping yourself strong and focused on positive and constructive ideas and practices you are doing something.
—Person X drives me batty. Guess what? You choose your reaction to person X. Change it.
Laugh. Find people places or media that make you laugh or laugh at yourself kindly.
Enjoy animals. Domesticated or wild, they share our earth and are good enough to share their calm or funniness. Horses and dogs help me.
Recognize your limitations. We can’t do everything or fix every problem. Choose your battles and let go of minor issue. Discern what is within your capacity to change and do those things.
Hint: you can’t change other people‘s personalities and entrenched beliefs. You can change your reaction. This is a big lesson.
Love yourself. Remind yourself that you are lovable just as you are. Your mistakes and flaws do not define you or make you less deserving of love. It’s great to be loved and to accept love coming your way, but you aren’t defined by whether or not someone loves you. Everyone else is lovable too, just maybe not by you, sometimes
Your spiritual guides (God, spirit, goddess Buddha) love you just the way you are, too. If yours places conditions on its love consider another alternative.
Don’t hate people. If you want something to abhor there are plenty of other options. I abhor war, gun, violence, intolerance, corporate, greed, dysfunctional government, unethical propaganda, and institutions set up to divide people rather than unite them. I don’t hate people. Something made them the way they are, even egomaniacs and psychopaths. Hatred does not make anything better.
Forgive. Let go of resentment towards bullies mean people, hurtful individuals, etc. Letting resentment fester does not lead to peace. People screw up. Forgive them like you’d like to be when you screw up. You can’t fix some folks, but you can forgive them and move on.
Take care who you trust. Confirmation bias is real. Don’t just trust people who agree with you automatically. Instead, trust people with no vested interest in manipulating you or your emotions or in encouraging divisive thinking. This is hard, I know.
Surround yourself with things that make you happy (spark Joy ha ha ha). This will be different for each of us. I have lots of objects that help me: crystals, figurines of birds and horses, live flowers when possible, a cheerful coffee mug, a journal covered with stickers, colored pins, books art made by me or my family, and so much more. Other people might need minimal distractions to feel happy some need clean surroundings things that smell, good etc. You do you and don’t let others’ opinions of your surroundings bother you. They can do their own stuff. (Now, shared spaces require compromise, of course. There can be no fun scents in a house that contains my spouse.)
So much sparking of joy here.
Move around. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or sad or afraid you can want to just stay in bed or your chair and curl up. But try to remind yourself that moving around/exercise is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Even marching around your house or dancing to music helps. I like to take walks so I can observe beauty around me and experience the world with all my senses. Riding my horse is also very helpful, because I need to focus on what I’m doing rather than other issues.
Do some crafts. Making things helps you focus on something you enjoy, and creating items for others is an act of kindness thate brings positivity into your life.
July and August of my temperature blanket project.
Readinspirational or beautiful material. I love my nature books, and my magazines about horses, art, home improvement, and spirituality. Just be sure to find uplifting and interesting content. I have to limit my political and historical reading.
And finally, remember what the scripture below tells us.
Ephesians 6:12 (image by S Budig)
Tee hee. I, too, can cherry pick Bible verses that support my point.
So…what other ideas do you have to share with others as we try to get through this time together?
The Hermits' Rest 