Ramblings – Page 9 – The Hermits' Rest

Three Thoughts I Had

Are they all true truisms? You can decide.

One. The best time to go to Costco on the weekend in a college town is during a home football game. Everyone but nerds, Goths, old hippies (us), and people with toddlers whose piercing screams can damage hearing are at the game or watching it with friends. Perhaps the screaming toddler is optional.

Very empty Costco parking lot as the sun was going down.

Two. If you happen to get overheated (say the only time you had during the day to exercise your horse is around noon in high humidity), go inside and cool down while hydrating before jumping into a shower, even if you need to leave to go have fun. If you shower while your body temperature is still elevated, you will commence sweating after you “dry off,” and if you have whatever syndrome has caused me to sweat rivers, you will be dripping and soaking your clean clothing. Thus, you’ll stay overheated longer and negate the shower. The fun can wait.

Three. All those influencers should STFU about the pressing need for all older women to “do something” about their “belly fat” or “fat apron.” First, since nearly every older woman I know develops this at a certain age, it seems to be normal and nothing to feel shame over. Second, what if that fat is where all our wisdom that can’t fit in our brains lives? I keep reading how important the gut is to mental functioning. Maybe it is doing something important down there.

I’m going to call it my wisdom belly, pat it, and thank it for doing its job, whatever it actually is.

Those are my thoughts. Now for an observation that surprised me. We went to the Barnes and Noble in College Station today, because I miss good bookstores. The only ones I get to these days are the little one in Rockdale that’s full of fantasy and romance books and the BookPeople branch in the Austin airport (a mere shadow of the real magnificent store).

Both Lee and I enjoyed ourselves very much. I had a nice time looking at the other patrons, their ages, their clothing, their mannerisms. I caught myself thinking, “Wow, these people look so normal.” You see, it was those same Goths, nerds, old (very) hippies, gamers, and professorial types I’d later see in Costco. Apparently that’s my idea of normal?

Upon reflection I realized that other than the past five or so years, I’ve lived in cities with universities and lots of engineers (Gainesville, Urbana-Champaign, and Austin). My jobs have been with writers and software developers. Yep. That’s what I see as “normal,” not ranchers, farmers, cowboys, small-town business people, and rural poor folks.

I wonder how long it will take for my brain to feel as at home in Cameron or Temple (more of a military area) as I do in college towns? I don’t feel bad about discovering this about myself. I’m sure everyone feels more comfortable in familiar surroundings. But I’ve been out here a good while, know lots of people, have great friends…so I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t assimilated very well. I’m still from another culture. Hmm.

Hey, I do have a yard full of tractors and other such conveyances.

Well Dang

Trying to stay on an even keel these days is a challenge, isn’t it? No need to name all the reasons why, because you know the ones that affect us all, and we each have our own personal stresses, grief, and challenges.

Today was one of those days when the dam burst and I felt all the feelings. I needed to feel them so I could regroup. The Buddha reminds us that life is suffering, but he also shared ways to cope, grow, learn, and move on.

That’s what I’m reminding myself of today, as I processed warmongers, school shootings, friends’ loss of parents, and frightening political climate.

Trite but true: all things must pass.

Like these bluebirds and brown birds, I feel like. I don’t know which way to go, so I teeter in the middle.

Yep, Everyone Is Interesting

It’s true, and the interesting stranger at the Portland Airport agrees. I had things to write about yesterday and plans to work on a blog on my way home. That didn’t happen, and it’s not a bad thing, because I was talking to interesting people, as I did the whole time I was in suburban Portland.

Look, kids, it’s Mount Hood! I did my sightseeing from the plane.

As many wise folks have pointed out before me, everyone has a story to tell. They also say it’s hard to feel animosity towards people when you can see what you have in common and know what they’ve been through. For example, one of my Uber drivers was forced to flee Peru, but he’s made a good life here. All the Uber drivers I had on my trip were interesting and taught me things, so I’m glad I had the chance to ride so often. I had some really fun times explaining that Texas isn’t all bad. One guy was shocked I managed to live in a small town and not be a Christian Fascist (or whatever they’re called these days).

This mountain had a smoke ring! My friend Alice thinks it’s Mount Jefferson.

The people I talked to at my workplace were also a fun bunch. Portland seems to be crawling with musicians! And many people had horses or once did. It was fun hanging out with young parents and learning how they do things today. Lots of creativity and/or multi-generational households to handle child care.

I had an oddly frank and open conversation about life with a random punk rocker disguised as a businessman in the airport, as I mentioned above. He was a bit scattered, in a good way, and we found we had much in common. That’s what brought me back to everyone being interesting if you talk to them. So I just continued being friendly and talked to a fellow worried about his large dog traveling in the cargo hold, and I made the flight attendant so happy by asking her about her beautiful silver bracelet she was wearing, which happened to be made by a Hawaiian artist. The flight attendant was beaming as she told me how much she loved it.

Sweet stories from random people keep me hoping we can pull our society back together. Humans are not all mean and hateful like the media so often says they are.

Enough of that. I did want to share that I got to see some Oregon plants and hear some birds yesterday by taking a lunch walk. I found an area where there’s a big effort being made to restore native plants, on property the company I consult for seems to own. The plants were surrounded by two things. One was the ever-present wild blackberries. I ate a lot, since there weren’t right on the roadside and covered with automotive residues.

The other thing I saw were rows of gnarled old trees, which look like they’d been cut down to stumps but we’re trying to come back, fighting through ivy and berries. I couldn’t tell what they were, but I figured they were something that was once harvested. When I finally got to upload photos to iNaturalist, it turned out they were hazelnut trees! Before Tualatin got industrialized, it must have grown nuts. Cool.

There was also a small forest remnant next to the offices, with a short path running through it. I enjoyed seeing the ferns, evergreens, and native maples (among others).

After seeing a California Jay, another new one on my list, I felt satisfied that I’d seen at least a little nature. Then my ride to the airport, a really nice man very much like me, took us through downtown to save time, so I got a bonus tour. Yay for avoiding the crowded interstate!

There, I’m caught up, back with my animals and humans, and ready for what’s next. After some sleep!

Pausing for Grief

My friend Gail died today. She was one of my small circle of high school friends who chat frequently. So, today am taking time to remember this strong, resilient, funny woman. Probably gonna do more of that tomorrow.

Four of us who struggled through high school together: me, Anita, Gail, Jana

I feel the worst for Jana, who lost her best friend today. Wow they were lucky to have each other to share tragedy and joy.

I bet Gail had no idea what she meant to some of us. We need to remind those we care about that we do care, through ups, downs, absences, and all that. Go hug your dear friends, or call, or text. I did a lot of that today. So glad for true friends, old and new.

We also lost this sweet high school friend recently. His presence is missed. I keep wondering why I haven’t seen him in social media.

And the tarot cards were eerie again. Yesterday was the 9 of Swords, grief. That was me, knowing Gail was failing.

Today was 6 of Cups, that healing circle of friends.

It looks like our group, with one friend transformed and swimming off.

Everything Is Connected

Scour the news for an entirely uninteresting story. Consider how it connects to your life. Write about that.

Fine. I found an article on the worst cars of the early 1970s, the Ford Pinto, Chevrolet Vega, and AMC Gremlin. These are three small cars introduced to fight the tiny Japanese imports from Toyota, Datsun (future Nissan), Honda, etc.

How does this article about bad cars of yore connect to my life? Remember now, I’m old. My first car was a 1972 Ford Pinto wagon. It was light blue with fake wood paneling. It was originally purchased for my mother, but the second I got my license, it was passed on to me to drive my brother and myself to school activities. Mom hated driving on “big roads.” My high school friends and I enjoyed blasting the little radio and cruising by the homes of cute boys.

This poor car could only hit 70 mph going downhill and had a radiator too small for its engine. But it carted me, my boyfriend (one of the cute high school boys) and our roommates back and forth through college.

It went forward and held 4-ish people. This was the car of my other male high school best friend.

The actual Pinto coupe shown above was smaller than the wagon. It was great for me, Anita, and the two guys, but add a fifth person and someone had to sit on the dreaded hump in the minuscule back seat. Of course, hormonal teens enjoyed the forced closeness. Good times.

My second car magically appeared one day in the summer between my junior and senior years of college, after too many Pinto issues. I had high hopes for an upgrade. Nope. 1974 AMC Gremlin. Black, black interior, aftermarket air conditioner. Just perfect for a summer commute in South Florida. Sarcasm there.

Speaking of heat and humidity, these Lark Sparrows are here to say today’s humidity was awful.

But the Gremlin got me through three years or more of grad school in Illinois until it got us (me and same boyfriend) home from Florida in a blizzard and never moved again. Thus ended my time with two of the three worst cars of the 70s.

By the way, my friend Lynn’s dad had a Vega, so I got to experience it as well. Those cars rusted through amazingly quickly near the ocean.

[car photos from Motor Trend in 2001]

Mission accomplished. I related the article to my life. It was nice to think back on fun teen memories. A dear friend from that time is very ill right now, and thinking of good times when we rode in our little cars is a balm to my heart.

Tarot card of the day was The Teacher again. I drew it just before an educational talk by my horse teacher.

Let’s Just Be Kind

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

Seems that this here blog prompt wants us to brag on ourselves about some spectacular kind thing we’ve done for someone. I don’t feel like doing that.

I don’t have to follow instructions! Here are basil blossoms.

Instead, I’ll share how I manifest my small and unspectacular acts of kindness. In a nutshell, I just make an effort to see the humanity of people I come across, even when I’m tired, hungry, in a hurry, or distracted. It’s hard to do! Perhaps that’s why I mentally pat myself on the back when I’m kind under pressure.

Treating people who serve you your food or check you out at a store like someone worth knowing and sharing a kind word with is usually pretty easy and always very kind. I’ve had some great conversations that way!

Bonus: Lee bought and repotted this lovely angel-wing begonia for the porch. He also got the screens clean! He did a kindness for me!

Waving at people going down the road, that lets them know you remember a human is in that car. So I do that.

At work I try to check in with folks, to remind me that they’re not just annoying employees and remind them I’m not just the weird Planview lady.

I have a long history of being that weird lady, though.

No need to go on and on. I truly feel that the best kindnesses we can bestow are when we could most easily skip them. I find it takes no more energy to be kind than to be grumpy, though often being kind makes you stop and think about what you’re doing. And voila! you’re being kinder to yourself.

In more mundane news, I started August with dusty violet hair (way more subtle) and purple geode nails. It’s already Lammas, the first harvest celebration. The year is flying by.

I drove to College Station all by myself this afternoon to go to dinner with friends. Great food, fun stories of war, crime, and peace…and even some pleasant live music. Tomorrow I may seek out a park and birds.

Tarot card of the day

The Hanged One, or the Tree in the Gaian Tarot. It’s about keeping your center even when things get topsy turvy. I love the sky in the upside down yoga woman (tree pose)’s outfit.

I have more confidence than usual that I’m handling all the world’s weirdness. Hope it lasts!

Looks Are Deceiving

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

I’m out of cheery topics today, since there was another family health scare today, but it’s not my story to tell. All is okay though, so let’s get trivial and answer today’s blog prompt.

My self image. Drab and brown. Well, tan.

Hello, person who can’t see me. I’m Suna. I’m a human being age 67, which makes me an elder, but still active. I’m short for a 21st-century human, partly because my parents were small, but also because of my mother’s drinking and smoking during pregnancy. She meant well.

I’m sturdily built, big-boned and strong for my size. I’m physically healthy and can walk long distances, swim well, and ride a horse. I’m neither fat nor thin. Medium in most ways, nothing really remarkable about my body other than it works.

I have long, fine, wavy hair that used to be much thicker. It was originally medium ash brown, but now is half gray, with grayer streaks. Currently it’s pink. Tomorrow it will be lilac. My hair is not as unremarkable as other parts of me.

I have light brown eyes, a reasonable nose and odd but functional teeth that look ok when I smile. My face has freckles and wrinkles and old person defects. My neck is wrinkled and wattled. I look a lot like my father, which is fine.

The part of me other than my hair that is remarkable are my fingernails, which grow long and straight. I dress like a man half the time, but my nails always look shiny and fun. I’ve had the fun fingernails habit for 50 years, ever since I stopped biting them.

Like I said, I usually have jeans and a t-shirt on, but for work I wear nicer tops and jewelry, often turquoise. I do wear glasses, some boring, some not. I’m often found looking at a bird or tree.

Tarot card of the day has me up in trees looking at birds! Coincidence? Maybe not.

Basically, I’m a pleasantly plain dumpy older woman who sometimes has unnaturally colored hair and always has colorful nails. That’s enough to pick me out in a crowd, or teach the algorithm to find me. Nice and dull.

Then I open my mouth…

On Judging Others and Yourself

Judging is something humans do. People unlike themselves get judged. Much judging is unfair and undertaken without the necessary information to make a fair judgement. If you think you’re not judgmental, examine your thoughts. It creeps in, even when you dearly hope to avoid it.

I’m improving in this area, after too many people have accused me of it. I’m always truly surprised, but eventually learn to see how they might interpret things I say or do as judgmental. Or sometimes they’re judging me. Ha! What a web of judgments!

It took me longer to create this image than to write the post.

I started thinking of this when a family member posted this on Facebook:

I have never been hated or judged by someone I want to become! Think about that for a while

It made me think not of other people, but of ourselves. The person I’ve judged and felt negatively toward the most is ME! Much therapy and practice of self love has gone into getting me where I am today, which is in a space where I’m comfortable with myself just as I am, mistakes and all.

I don’t want to become like anyone else anymore, nor do I want to bend over backwards to please others so much that I’m no longer me, but some miserable fake. So if someone hates or judges me, I’m much better at noticing it and letting it go. It’s their problem.

Have you read this before? Probably. Periodically I’m compelled to write some version of this “new and improved me” statement. My guess is that it happens for one of three reasons:

I’ve found myself judging someone or a group of people and need to remind myself that I’m trying not to do this. It’s hard at times, though.
I’ve realized someone has been judging me and it stings a bit. That’s okay; I just need to let the moment pass and not ruminate on it.
I’m reminded of some things I did in the 1980s that make me cringe now. That happened today. Then I remembered this person was also going through a series of very public poor decisions at the time. We both need to forgive ourselves and each other.

So yeah. I think most of us want to become our best possible selves, and a good start would be to love and have compassion for ourselves rather than hatred and judgment.

Tarot card of the day

It was another repeat, but another good one, the Ace of Cups, reminding me that I’ve been on a long journey and am tired of struggling, but I e made it to where I want to be and ready to start afresh with love in my heard.

This fits with my thinking.

The Slug of Exhaustion

The title is my weak analogy to yesterday’s blog title, The Salmon of Knowledge. I was pretty sluggish today after all yesterday’s exercise, though I ended up with almost as much exercise today, thanks to swimming in circles around the pool and vigorously winding yarn into ball, which counts.

Of course, I spent time in nature. Hope these Mockingbird babies make it.

It’s healthy to take a day off from being busy, though, so I gave myself permission to sit on the porch, watch documentaries on octopi, and enjoy food Kathleen made. The porch is getting even more relaxing. Two of my cushions arrived, and now lying on the couch is as comfortable as my bed.

Lee says the pillows are too loud. I say they pull together the trim, couch, and blue chair colors. Wait until he sees the outdoor rug…

Being the Slug of Exhaustion today also allowed me to ignore anything stressful that I possibly could. I just looked at my surroundings and enjoyed them, enjoyed the family, and will take the stress back up tomorrow.

Since I have nothing deep to say, let me recommend the Billy Joel documentary, And So It Goes, part 1 of which just came out. This part covers the years I really liked, the 70s, when he was quite amazing to see live. You end up really liking his first wife.

Oh, here’s something exciting. The unused RV that had been next to my tack room went away today. It will be easier to get to my square bales of hay that way. It looks all color-coordinated now!

Tarot card of the day

Today I pulled the Explorer (knight) of Water (cups). It’s a pretty darned happy card, hinting I’m in a good place, emotionally today, able to navigate the waves of feelings smoothly. It also may indicate a new emotional path, sort of like yesterday’s 10 of Water.

We will see. As I grow more Hermit-like in my self preservation mode, I’ll be interested to see if anything manages to stir me in new emotional directions other than inward!

The Little Animal Things

Still a busy busy week at work and home. Luckily, being occupied with work keeps me from other thoughts. Even better, I’ve got all these animals to keep my “free” time not very free.

I love going out on breaks to care for the hens and check on the horses. Dusty always sticks his head in my hands for love.

And working to keep Apache feeling good and getting Drew back into work is a great distraction. Droodles is getting lots of reminders that crazy canter is not his goal. But he’s awfully good walking on Lee’s new trails.

And then the dogs. Even when I’m feeling the jitters over things I can’t control, they make me and Lee laugh.

And thanks to all of you who share your pets, birds, and kids on social media—it doesn’t remove serious concerns but it reminds me of what’s good.