Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
This is another trick question. I’m doing my best to stop myself if I start dwelling on the past (except good memories!). And I don’t think it’s healthy to do what I call pre-worrying about what might happen if circumstances go in ways we would like to avoid. That leads people like me to worse anxiety or even ulcers.
This chain got up on the gate thanks to worrying about future dog escapes. The big dogs could climb it.
I think one of the most helpful things I’ve learned from studying Buddhism is the idea of living in the moment. The more I do this, the more content I am in my life and the more joy I can find.
A part of the past I do like to think about is when this cute kitchen was built. We want to preserve it in our renovation. Retro chic.
No one can prevent thinking about the past and future all the time. What I try to do is see what can be learned from past events, and I try to figure out what I can control or affect positively in the future. I learned that from my spouse’s study of Stoicism. It’s made a huge difference for both of us.
Daily Birds
Today was wet and chilly. In the morning there were mostly the usual birds. But it was so quiet that I could hear wing flaps from vultures flying over. Merlin identified three birds that were surprising because we aren’t in their range: Swainson’s thrush, Black-capped chickadee, and Western wood pewee. Maybe the storms brought them over. Or maybe there was a software glitch. The chickadees look really similar but have different calls, so you’d think that would be right. It’s a mystery.
I turned the app on in the late afternoon to see if there were any different birds, and sure enough, there were two ducks, the common mallard and blue-winged teal. I’m hearing lots more ducks and geese this year!
The gift I want most in the world would be to repair my relationship with my older son and come to some kind of mutual acceptance of each other, just as we are. Understanding of perceived mistakes or failings on each of our parts is something we could do. I’d be willing to try. Anyone willing to help bring us back together would receive my eternal gratitude.
Foggy morning leads to melancholic musings
Well, that’s not something I foresee happening after five years. So I’ll add that the greatest gifts I do receive are friendship and acceptance. I think we all would like to feel accepted and like we fit in. I treasure my community of kind and open hearted friends who accept each other, warts and all.
Foggy bovine
Online friends count, too. So many of us would feel very isolated if it weren’t for our friends who are connected on social media, on video chats, and in blogs. Social media is NOT all bad.
Daily Bird
Well, there weren’t many birds out today, because it was so foggy and cold.
Chilly birds.
The highlight today was the reappearance of one of my favorites, the barred owl. I’ve read that barred owls and great horned owls don’t like to live together, so I was happy to hear one this morning. Hooray!
Well, that’s a question with a lot of assumptions behind it. Who says all bloggers go to college? I’d have preferred something like, “Where did you get your education?” (From where?) I realize there are people would give flippant answers, like “the school of hard knocks,” but you’d also get interesting insights into folks with non-traditional paths.
Mother Nature is also a great teacher.
I was VERY traditional. After four years of attending a large high school in suburban Ft Lauderdale, Florida (unfortunately named Plantation High School), I spent four years at a large state university. The years at the University of Florida had a lot of good parts. I learned a lot, screwed up my personal life irreparably, and thoroughly enjoyed living in my home town again. My studies focused on linguistics, Japanese, and cinema studies (my boyfriend’s major). I’m extremely grateful to the National Merit Scholarship system, which allowed me to attend college even though my family was not well off and my mother had many medical bills.
See the bright spot under the sun? That’s the bit of flooding we got last night. It was a good rain.
I then went to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign for graduate school. Fun fact: both the schools I attended have orange and blue as their school colors. At least gators add green to the mix. UI are the Fighting Illini, which I was shocked to discover pronounced the last two vowels like “eye,” not “ee.”
There I studied pragmatics, syntax, and semantics. I learned to write well and to teach adults. I loved teaching. Academic writing, not so much. My topic got really boring, which is why I’m not a professor right now.
My favorite thing on campus was the beautiful statue of Alma Mater welcoming students and graduates, by Lorado Taft. It was always a happy sight.
Image in Public Domain
If you’re still awake, I can give you my highlights of the day. First, I finished my giant three-part 2023 temperature blanket.
Part 3, on a chair.
The last square is a handy key to the colors. I included the white, silver and purple that would have indicated 0° to 25° even though it never got that cold. Maybe this year! Or not! I could do without the Polar Vortex they keep threatening us with.
Far left is 105-109, far right is 0-4.
I’ll write up an official summary once I figure out how to get a photo of the whole thing.
Daily Birds
Second, two birds made me happy today. One was the first bird Merlin heard, a yellow-bellied sapsucker. I think I’ve now recorded all the woodpeckers that live here.
When I lived in Illinois, we had a sweet gum tree in our back yard. Every year one of these little guys would come and drill a new row of holes in that tree. It was so much fun to watch it working away, and the holes were a wonderful remembrance.
The other bird that brought joy today has already been the Daily Bird, but I was excited to actually see the great horned owl today. Yes, that blob in the photograph was hooting.
I also enjoyed my sparrow buddies a lot. The Harris’s sparrows were singing and playing this afternoon. I hadn’t heard them in a few days. They fed in the trees next to me for a while, so I got good views, though obscured by branches. Here are some photos of them, the other sparrows, and cardinals in the brush and trees. Yes, it’s a brown world right now, but I like brown.
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
I’ll answer this: yes, often. We all should play.
I hang out with birds and plants every day, just for fun, and nominally for research. I’m not doing it for seeing the mist or the rarest birds. I just want to understand what lives where I do.
Loggerhead shrike looking at me.
I mess around with horses. It’s because I love them. They are fun to play with even when things don’t quite work out. Like today, when it rained throughout my lesson, and Drew was not feeling good for some reason. But it worked out and we learned that he pays attention to me! I’m not in it to be the best, but to enjoy improving my skills and keeping my horses happy and healthy.
The storm clouds heading my way.
I craft, mostly knitting and crocheting. It used to be serious for me. I wanted to be known for my skill. Now I make things to enjoy or to experiment. I don’t care if anyone copies my patterns, if I’m making the trendy thing in the trendy yarn, or if I churn out 20 sweaters a year. I just have fun playing with yarn.
Next-to-last square on the 2023 temperature blanket. This one is the highest high and lowest low.
I hike! I walk! I hang out with friends! I blog! I play! It’s all for fun.
Because it’s fun.
I hope you’re having fun in this, the only life you’re going to have this time around.
Sure, the past few years have had their challenges. However, there’s lots to be happy about, too. Let’s take a moment to appreciate what went well. While I’m sharing a few things, you can be thinking of yours.
I just want to start by being asap and declaring that how much better my relationship with my spouse is now. We’ve hit a really good spot. The time we’ve spent out camping and hiking has been a real highlight of the year.
We had fun
Next on my list of things that were positive has to be my growth with my horse relationships. Drew and I have been in and off, but the last couple of weeks have been so much improved. He’s such a sweet horse. Today he even let me put his bridle on without complaining. It helps that he doesn’t have a headache!
I took him to the yummy grass as a reward today.
Apache and I have had some amazing moments, too, and I’m focusing on them while his foot recovers from the abscess and he gets used to his daily medication. He still acts stoned much of the time. But our relationship is so much better than ever. That’s what counts.
He’ll be better soon!
Learning to listen to bird calls thanks to the Merlin Bird ID app has greatly added to my quality of life. I treasure my bird watching and listening time! Today was a WOW bird time. There were hooded mergansers in the bottom pond today! So glad I had my binoculars, because I’d have missed them otherwise.
I saw the ducks when trying to watch the egret catch fish. They look like blobs in the photo.
The ducks didn’t even come up as a possibility in Merlin, but they’re rather unmistakable.
Aren’t they cool?
I wrote up all the birds I saw or heard here at the ranch this month. There were 71!
That doesn’t count anything I saw in Milano or Canyon Lake!
I’ll be interested to track bird numbers each month next year.
Other good things? I’ve enjoyed my work, which is always a plus. The Red House on Fannin has been profitable as a short-term rental. I’ve only had a few issues with depression and anxiety. My physical health has been really good, too.
I’m like a tree adding strong new rings. And my hollow spots hide surprises.
I have become comfortable in my friendships and community relationships here in Cameron, too. It’s nice to have a bit of a social life with meaningful connections in person. It’s community and connection with friends and family that will help deal with the inevitable challenges in 2024.
Here’s my friend’s leg, with two dogs asking for attention. All part of the community!
There’s always something out there to be grateful for!
First, center yourself by meditating on the whorling shape of this red-stemmed stork’s-bill.
Okay, now read on.
Today someone who knows very well how to get under my defenses said something that I took as a passive aggressive swipe at me, the kind that on the surface seems innocuous enough, but stings. I mentioned it to my spouse, who said maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Maybe I was looking for a swipe.
I thought about it.
Then I remembered the time my neighbor cut me off for saying something mean to another neighbor that I hadn’t intended to be mean at all. I remembered the letter that our general contractor’s wife wrote to me about a set of issues she perceived in me (I’ve blotted them out of my mind). I remember the letter my ex-boyfriend wrote to tell me to stop writing him and bragging about buying a car and a house, etc. None of those things I intended the way they were interpreted. But their biases toward me were negative, so they interpreted my actions negatively.
Looking in the mirror of how people misunderstood me because they wanted to made me realize I might be doing the same. I’d learned this lesson before and have been tryingjj to interpret the person I’ve always known to be passive aggressive to me as if their intentions were good. I just fell into a decades-old pattern. I will now reset and do my best to go back to assuming good intentions, like I’ve always strived to.
Sometimes you just need a reminder to see that you’re falling off the path you want to follow. There are a couple of people in my life I’m going to work harder not to have a negative bias toward. That’s a resolution for the coming year that I can get behind.
How about you?
On that note, I’ll plod off into the sunset on my small but magnificent steed.
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
Not much going on out of the ordinary today so let’s answer this one. If I had my ideal setup for reading and writing, it would involve a comfy daybed with a ton of soft pillows to ensure comfort no matter what I’m doing: reading, writing, knitting, or looking at birds, plants, and animals. That’s because the daybed is in the woods! But with climate control and no way for flies, mosquitoes and mice to get in.
Mr. and Mrs. Caracara are disappointed that I’m not building my little room.
Well, it’s a fantasy.
Mrs. C leaves in a huff.
In real life, Apache still walks okay and trotted a little on the lead line. He volunteered. I made him stop. He and I had a nice time with bur removal, too. He’s a friendly fellow and so patient on his new meds. I can’t find the abscess, though.
Dusty sticks his tongue out at my inability to find an issue.
Drew got his assigned exercise today though he wasn’t thrilled. Neither horse will enjoy getting back into shape. But it will pay off.
They don’t get to loll around like Goldie.
In extra mundane news, I’ve managed to misplace next year’s journal. That was the day’s bummer. How can I write in my forest hut with no journal?
Four previous journals. Before this I used large black notebooks for about five years. They’re still packed.
Luckily they still sell them and they are inexpensive, so I ordered more. I like consistency in my record keeping, it appears. I’ll have one in time to set up my beloved bullet journal for a fourth year in a row.
I like this question, because it ties in with what fun I’ve been having lately, including last night. In the past year or so since we started camping and I got in the habit of going outside to do some of my meditation, it’s become very clear to me that the woods bring me great joy.
The old willow tree by the spring in our woods.
I’ve had so many fantastic experiences in the woods these past months, where I find myself all alone with my heart swelling and a huge smile on my face. Yesterday when I heard the huge murmuration taking flight, when I found a nightjar sitting in a tree, gazing at the huge oaks and elms, watching deer and armadillo grazing with no fear. Ah.
I loved watching this doe earlier this year
Last night I had another magical woodland experience. I attended a solstice party at a home in the middle of a dense woods. I felt so at peace there from all the good energy and loamy scents.
Just a glimpse into the nighttime woods.
We wandered beautifully designed paths through the trees near the house, where there was gurgling water and other animal and bird habitat.
This may look like mud, but it’s part of the gurgling water that keeps our woodland happy.
We enjoyed a huge bonfire and honored the return of the light by gazing at the moon surrounded by a halo. It was wonderful to be in the woods with friends, since I’m usually alone. By the time the evening was over, I was practically oozing contentment. I’m glad I got a nice big dose of forest energy. I left with much more holiday spirits than when I arrived.
Nothing better than a good solstice fire.
When are you most happy?
Winter moon.
Yuletide blessings to all of you readers! Here are some bonus pictures for you!
Moon and treesMoon halo!Goldie enjoying the sun Fire shadowsMy bird habitatOur Osage Orange tree. Where the pileated woodpecker was. No cool holesRecent photos
It’s funny that this prompt came up today, because I haven’t had much time to go grocery shopping and ran out of one of my most precious items: coffee creamer. I just love how long that stuff lasts, which real cream does not. And I actually prefer no sweetener in my coffee, but that Italian Sweet Cream sure starts my day off well.
Today’s sunrise also started the day off well, so well it still looked good around 8:30.
What are my other four top grocery items? They squash my self image as a healthy eater. I’m afraid it’s Coke Zero, pop tarts (fruit), cheese, and yogurt. I assure you things like salad greens, tomatoes, onions, and tuna are also present. I eat a wide variety but need my emergency pop tarts.
I could eat dandelion greens in an emergency. We always have them.
On to the good news. I may have mentioned that Drew, the gray teen horse, got kicked in the head by Fiona the donkey a few weeks ago. Since then he hasn’t liked having his head touched, which created a problem due to his habit of eating among cockleburs, which got all over his forelock, the “bangs” on the front of a horse’s head.
This is on a day when I got some of them out.
He had been picking on the other horses, acting unfriendly towards me, and shaking his head if I put on a halter or bridle. I could barely ride him, so I mostly have been doing stuff on the ground. Well, today I had extra time, so I got him some hay, groomed him, and then tried but removal again.
Nice tail.
Yesterday, while waiting for Sara to come look at Apache, he let me get all the burs out of his tail, which looked sort of like a mop in the process of being wrung before I started. I took that as a good sign.
First I did the mane
So today I started on the part of his name farthest from his face and moved upwards. There was some gnarly stuff in there, but I gently separated the mess (wearing my gloves, of course). I gave him lots of rest time and much hay. When I got to the hard part, the top of his head, he got agitated. I had carefully put a web halter on at its loosest setting, but his head still itched. Poor guy.
Note the puff on his forehead!
I eventually got ALL the burs off. I think he eventually figured out I was helping. When I was finished he let me rub all over his little fro. Burs are like tiny hair curlers. Then he let me rub on his face, where the cut had been and I’d spilled oil the first time I’d de-burred him. Wow!
His reward was getting to graze in the round pen.
He was still agitated when we got to Tarrin’s for a lesson. He was hard to lead and his ears were back. So Tarrin did some cranial-fascial work on him and slowly he stopped head tossing. He had obviously been injured and knocked out of alignment. Probably had a concussion or hairline fracture, poor guy. Maybe that has taught him to avoid Fiona’s hooves. He seemed much happier when his skull and jaw were realigned.
Fix my leg, please.
Tarrin then worked with his behavior and got him more settled after realizing his back end also hurt (I’m guessing from rearing and kicking with Dusty). By the time she was done, he was paying attention to her nicely, doing good lateral movements, and acting sweet again.
She told me that if he starts acting mean again that he must not feel good. I’ll bear that in mind. He just needs to be walked over poles for the next week.
What about me?
Yes, it’s true. Neither of my riding horses can be ridden right now. Apache is no worse, and I am to start soaking his feet in epsom salts and water to try to draw out his abscess. He does get to be set free of the pens, though, because walking is good for him.
Must I?
And he will have pain meds for a few days. That boy is on a LOT of medication!
Ow.
I feel bad for both of them being in pain, but I think Droodles is gonna be better soon. Hope Apache is just a few more weeks to get better.
A year ago? I figured the uncertainty and long parade of unexpected setbacks around me would continue. They did. I also figured I’d just stick to dealing with what I could control, and I was pretty successful at that. Honestly, with a pessimistic outlook like that, focusing on the moment and your own business is a good plan.
Twilight of the day, of the year, of this life. All good.
At this point last year I’d already concluded that nothing I do is going to change how people who once loved me treat me now, and that my best tactic is to love the people I love without any limits, just appropriate boundaries. That’s worked, too! Hmm, I’m reminded of the fictional dating service they had on Saturday Night Live called “Lowered Expectations.”
Cactus is living up to expectations!
I decided around this time a couple of years ago to drop expectations of how others will act and to step back from trying to get closer to people I care about. I just go out and be me. That’s truly worked out well, because I’ve felt more welcome and appreciated in my community since then.
I’ll go my own way, with a peaceful heart
I think I’ll keep it up, and keep enjoying the beauty around me and snatching up fun times as they occur. There will be more bouncy houses, I hope!
Speaking of fun, I had a nice brunch this morning with Pouri, and we got to talk a bit. Then I enjoyed an stress-free drive home, even in Dallas. Plano sure looks clean and tidy compared to Cameron. Quite a contrast!
It was also very sunny.
I’m glad to be back with my messy horses and barking dogs (one snoring).
Sleeping Harvey and my elbow.
Did I answer the question? I expected little change for me, personally, but lots around me. That is how it worked out.
Daily Bird
Today Merlin heard a kestrel! That made me happy, because I rarely see or hear them here on the Hermits’ Rest ranch, though I see one all the time down by my neighbor’s place. I guess individuals don’t have a large territory.
They sure are beautiful little birds. I’ve seen them catch food a couple of times and go back to their telephone or electric wires. I wonder what they say on before those were invented? (Trees)
The Hermits' Rest 