First, center yourself by meditating on the whorling shape of this red-stemmed stork’s-bill.
Okay, now read on.
Today someone who knows very well how to get under my defenses said something that I took as a passive aggressive swipe at me, the kind that on the surface seems innocuous enough, but stings. I mentioned it to my spouse, who said maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Maybe I was looking for a swipe.
I thought about it.
Then I remembered the time my neighbor cut me off for saying something mean to another neighbor that I hadn’t intended to be mean at all. I remembered the letter that our general contractor’s wife wrote to me about a set of issues she perceived in me (I’ve blotted them out of my mind). I remember the letter my ex-boyfriend wrote to tell me to stop writing him and bragging about buying a car and a house, etc. None of those things I intended the way they were interpreted. But their biases toward me were negative, so they interpreted my actions negatively.
Looking in the mirror of how people misunderstood me because they wanted to made me realize I might be doing the same. I’d learned this lesson before and have been tryingjj to interpret the person I’ve always known to be passive aggressive to me as if their intentions were good. I just fell into a decades-old pattern. I will now reset and do my best to go back to assuming good intentions, like I’ve always strived to.
Sometimes you just need a reminder to see that you’re falling off the path you want to follow. There are a couple of people in my life I’m going to work harder not to have a negative bias toward. That’s a resolution for the coming year that I can get behind.
How about you?
On that note, I’ll plod off into the sunset on my small but magnificent steed.
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
Not much going on out of the ordinary today so let’s answer this one. If I had my ideal setup for reading and writing, it would involve a comfy daybed with a ton of soft pillows to ensure comfort no matter what I’m doing: reading, writing, knitting, or looking at birds, plants, and animals. That’s because the daybed is in the woods! But with climate control and no way for flies, mosquitoes and mice to get in.
Mr. and Mrs. Caracara are disappointed that I’m not building my little room.
Well, it’s a fantasy.
Mrs. C leaves in a huff.
In real life, Apache still walks okay and trotted a little on the lead line. He volunteered. I made him stop. He and I had a nice time with bur removal, too. He’s a friendly fellow and so patient on his new meds. I can’t find the abscess, though.
Dusty sticks his tongue out at my inability to find an issue.
Drew got his assigned exercise today though he wasn’t thrilled. Neither horse will enjoy getting back into shape. But it will pay off.
They don’t get to loll around like Goldie.
In extra mundane news, I’ve managed to misplace next year’s journal. That was the day’s bummer. How can I write in my forest hut with no journal?
Four previous journals. Before this I used large black notebooks for about five years. They’re still packed.
Luckily they still sell them and they are inexpensive, so I ordered more. I like consistency in my record keeping, it appears. I’ll have one in time to set up my beloved bullet journal for a fourth year in a row.
I like this question, because it ties in with what fun I’ve been having lately, including last night. In the past year or so since we started camping and I got in the habit of going outside to do some of my meditation, it’s become very clear to me that the woods bring me great joy.
The old willow tree by the spring in our woods.
I’ve had so many fantastic experiences in the woods these past months, where I find myself all alone with my heart swelling and a huge smile on my face. Yesterday when I heard the huge murmuration taking flight, when I found a nightjar sitting in a tree, gazing at the huge oaks and elms, watching deer and armadillo grazing with no fear. Ah.
I loved watching this doe earlier this year
Last night I had another magical woodland experience. I attended a solstice party at a home in the middle of a dense woods. I felt so at peace there from all the good energy and loamy scents.
Just a glimpse into the nighttime woods.
We wandered beautifully designed paths through the trees near the house, where there was gurgling water and other animal and bird habitat.
This may look like mud, but it’s part of the gurgling water that keeps our woodland happy.
We enjoyed a huge bonfire and honored the return of the light by gazing at the moon surrounded by a halo. It was wonderful to be in the woods with friends, since I’m usually alone. By the time the evening was over, I was practically oozing contentment. I’m glad I got a nice big dose of forest energy. I left with much more holiday spirits than when I arrived.
Nothing better than a good solstice fire.
When are you most happy?
Winter moon.
Yuletide blessings to all of you readers! Here are some bonus pictures for you!
Moon and treesMoon halo!Goldie enjoying the sun Fire shadowsMy bird habitatOur Osage Orange tree. Where the pileated woodpecker was. No cool holesRecent photos
It’s funny that this prompt came up today, because I haven’t had much time to go grocery shopping and ran out of one of my most precious items: coffee creamer. I just love how long that stuff lasts, which real cream does not. And I actually prefer no sweetener in my coffee, but that Italian Sweet Cream sure starts my day off well.
Today’s sunrise also started the day off well, so well it still looked good around 8:30.
What are my other four top grocery items? They squash my self image as a healthy eater. I’m afraid it’s Coke Zero, pop tarts (fruit), cheese, and yogurt. I assure you things like salad greens, tomatoes, onions, and tuna are also present. I eat a wide variety but need my emergency pop tarts.
I could eat dandelion greens in an emergency. We always have them.
On to the good news. I may have mentioned that Drew, the gray teen horse, got kicked in the head by Fiona the donkey a few weeks ago. Since then he hasn’t liked having his head touched, which created a problem due to his habit of eating among cockleburs, which got all over his forelock, the “bangs” on the front of a horse’s head.
This is on a day when I got some of them out.
He had been picking on the other horses, acting unfriendly towards me, and shaking his head if I put on a halter or bridle. I could barely ride him, so I mostly have been doing stuff on the ground. Well, today I had extra time, so I got him some hay, groomed him, and then tried but removal again.
Nice tail.
Yesterday, while waiting for Sara to come look at Apache, he let me get all the burs out of his tail, which looked sort of like a mop in the process of being wrung before I started. I took that as a good sign.
First I did the mane
So today I started on the part of his name farthest from his face and moved upwards. There was some gnarly stuff in there, but I gently separated the mess (wearing my gloves, of course). I gave him lots of rest time and much hay. When I got to the hard part, the top of his head, he got agitated. I had carefully put a web halter on at its loosest setting, but his head still itched. Poor guy.
Note the puff on his forehead!
I eventually got ALL the burs off. I think he eventually figured out I was helping. When I was finished he let me rub all over his little fro. Burs are like tiny hair curlers. Then he let me rub on his face, where the cut had been and I’d spilled oil the first time I’d de-burred him. Wow!
His reward was getting to graze in the round pen.
He was still agitated when we got to Tarrin’s for a lesson. He was hard to lead and his ears were back. So Tarrin did some cranial-fascial work on him and slowly he stopped head tossing. He had obviously been injured and knocked out of alignment. Probably had a concussion or hairline fracture, poor guy. Maybe that has taught him to avoid Fiona’s hooves. He seemed much happier when his skull and jaw were realigned.
Fix my leg, please.
Tarrin then worked with his behavior and got him more settled after realizing his back end also hurt (I’m guessing from rearing and kicking with Dusty). By the time she was done, he was paying attention to her nicely, doing good lateral movements, and acting sweet again.
She told me that if he starts acting mean again that he must not feel good. I’ll bear that in mind. He just needs to be walked over poles for the next week.
What about me?
Yes, it’s true. Neither of my riding horses can be ridden right now. Apache is no worse, and I am to start soaking his feet in epsom salts and water to try to draw out his abscess. He does get to be set free of the pens, though, because walking is good for him.
Must I?
And he will have pain meds for a few days. That boy is on a LOT of medication!
Ow.
I feel bad for both of them being in pain, but I think Droodles is gonna be better soon. Hope Apache is just a few more weeks to get better.
A year ago? I figured the uncertainty and long parade of unexpected setbacks around me would continue. They did. I also figured I’d just stick to dealing with what I could control, and I was pretty successful at that. Honestly, with a pessimistic outlook like that, focusing on the moment and your own business is a good plan.
Twilight of the day, of the year, of this life. All good.
At this point last year I’d already concluded that nothing I do is going to change how people who once loved me treat me now, and that my best tactic is to love the people I love without any limits, just appropriate boundaries. That’s worked, too! Hmm, I’m reminded of the fictional dating service they had on Saturday Night Live called “Lowered Expectations.”
Cactus is living up to expectations!
I decided around this time a couple of years ago to drop expectations of how others will act and to step back from trying to get closer to people I care about. I just go out and be me. That’s truly worked out well, because I’ve felt more welcome and appreciated in my community since then.
I’ll go my own way, with a peaceful heart
I think I’ll keep it up, and keep enjoying the beauty around me and snatching up fun times as they occur. There will be more bouncy houses, I hope!
Speaking of fun, I had a nice brunch this morning with Pouri, and we got to talk a bit. Then I enjoyed an stress-free drive home, even in Dallas. Plano sure looks clean and tidy compared to Cameron. Quite a contrast!
It was also very sunny.
I’m glad to be back with my messy horses and barking dogs (one snoring).
Sleeping Harvey and my elbow.
Did I answer the question? I expected little change for me, personally, but lots around me. That is how it worked out.
Daily Bird
Today Merlin heard a kestrel! That made me happy, because I rarely see or hear them here on the Hermits’ Rest ranch, though I see one all the time down by my neighbor’s place. I guess individuals don’t have a large territory.
They sure are beautiful little birds. I’ve seen them catch food a couple of times and go back to their telephone or electric wires. I wonder what they say on before those were invented? (Trees)
Today I’m starting off with the birds, because even though I had limited bird time today, I got a lot of fun sights and sounds in.
I think the cardinals are posing. They’re everywhere, flapping and chirping.
The most dramatic sight was watching the red-tailed hawk get chased off her perch by a crow (I say “her” because the hawk is very large). I got some good photos and turned a couple of the live ones into little movies.
Just minding her business. I’mThe start More pestering Hawk is annoyed
The other birds, meanwhile were just all a-flutter. The Harris’s sparrows were really busy, but there were 8 other kinds in the mix. I also enjoyed a couple of wrens and house finch groups that weren’t at all shy. It was fun! But I had to leave.
Carolina wrenYet another cardinal These are pipitsHouse finchesShe wondered what I was doing
Babes?
I left home to go to Plano to see baby Ruby, who is actually a two-year-old chatterbox now. I also went to see Pouri and Elmira/Ellie, my Persian “sister” and bonus daughter. I miss them a lot, because they’ve always welcomed me and treated me so kindly. It feels so great to feel unconditional love!
I’m not that tall. My shoes have hidden heels I think.
I really enjoyed the party, because Ellie and Jimmy have such nice friends and families and wow, all the children there were so happy and fun to watch. They just played like crazy and the parents were so good at soothing and redirecting when needed. I was impressed.
This little girl cooked and cooked on this excellent play kitchen that makes cooking noises.
The best thing was the bouncy house in the back yard. Those little ones were filled with joy and energy and had a blast. All but one were girls and no one screeched!
Yes, I successfully bounced. It tired me out. Proof I bounced.
The little boy is Ellie’s nephew and as cute as he can be. Watching him play with the toy ice cream shop and car wash was so much fun for me. He’s a little engineer or scientist in the making.
Ruby and the ice cream shop toy. It’s very clever.
I’d have felt jealous or sad since I don’t get to hang out with grandkids much, but Pouri let me pretend to be a grandmother, so I just sat and smiled at the cuteness.
Speaking of cute, these!
I did end up passing in a few of the things I’d have given to my grandkids to Ellie and Jimmy, with all my love. I gave a Peter Rabbit cup and saucer my dear stepmom had given Declan with intentions to pass them to his children. He said it’s fine to pass them on. I also gave Ellie my three beautiful story books of different cultures that had been my mother’s as a child. They are now almost 100 years old. I think Ruby will enjoy the beautiful illustrations and the Japanese haiku.
Post crying
There was crying involved in that exchange but mostly it was very satisfying to see the thoughtful and engaging gifts that the little ones had so much fun with. There was lots of food and role playing stuff, all things any preschool child would enjoy.
I also enjoyed the cake. Dang, the kids all took turns nicely, really loved singing English and Persian birthday songs, and were patient with problematic candles. Everyone just laughed, including when Ruby steadily picked individual sprinkles off the cake. She likes sprinkles a lot. This was such a low-stress event.
I came back to the same hotel I usually stay at, walked around by a creek, and enjoyed some quiet knitting time. I enjoyed my day being an honorary grandma and seeing my friends.
I got a reindeer party favor because there were extras. I made her a collar. It says Vixen. That was my childhood reindeer toy’s name. Ellie sent carrots home with each toy (technically a caribou).
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
This is a great question! There’s so much to admire out there! I’ll list a few things I admire here, and I encourage you to think about it, too.
This is apparently a red admiral with its wings closed.
Putting themselves in the public eye. I’m too “sensitive” and easily hurt by being criticized and judged to be someone who does politics, runs a business, or that kind of thing. I truly admire pioneering advocates for unpopular causes and people willing to engage in public service.
Bird in a bush.
Being minimalist. I think minimalist decor, clothing, and all that embracing of emptiness and lack of color is quite amazing. I’m no good at it. I like stuff. Colorful stuff. Of course there’s room for us all. But I’m impressed with people who go through life all clean and neat, with only seven highly “curated” outfits.
I think the previous one might not really be about admiration, more like awe. Or incredulity.
I admire my dogs for living in the moment.
Knowing where every cent of their money is. I’m not a good accountant. I’m also not interested in money, which is not real anyway. I just watch it vaguely.
Vultures flying home.
Being at peace. Truly, the thing I find most admirable about some people is that they are at peace. They like who they are, enjoy their life, accept that everything will eventually pass, and live in the moment. Those people (and I do know a couple) bring peace and contentment to others, too.
There’s a certain glow here at the ranch house, and it’s not a tree or a menorah. Nor is it the glow of my cheeks from hanging out in the woods listening to birds.
Two red-shouldered hawks bonding.
The glow is from the uranium in the gift from my spouse that was procured today. Yep.
Where we went
There really wasn’t much going on here today, but since we’re going out of town Monday, we didn’t want to camp. So we went for a drive and ended up in scenic Waco, Texas, an hour north of us (though we wandered around to get there.
Now, it’s not like nothing happened. I did my nails. Reindeer Whisperer and a bow.
When we got to Waco we bypassed all tourist attractions, even the ones I like (mammoth remains, cute zoo, wetland park) and just explored different neighborhoods from poor to gentrifying to comfortable to fancy ones by the lake.
I guess it’s pretty sad that my first highlight of the trip was eating at Bush’s Chicken. It’s my favorite, crunchy on the outside and hit and juicy in the inside. Plus there’s fried okra.
I’m about to lose my cup here.
After we ate, Lee decided he wanted to go to an antique store, so searched out the closest one. It was a good idea.
Where we ended up.
We went to an old neighborhood with lots of restored houses, where Show and Tell Antiques is located. (Link is to Facebook page.) This place is great fun for antique lovers and those interested in old houses in need of restoration.
Landing on second floor.
I was too busy looking at stuff in every nook and cranny to take pictures but loved the old kitchen and bathrooms in the 1908 house built for a Doctor Pepper founder (another Waco claim to fame).
Check out that stove and floor in the kitchen!
This place is extra cool. Since I love glassware and china, I had a blast. I also enjoyed talking to family members, who shared lots of history and may have been making sure we didn’t shoplift.
I was amazed at this collection of very old needlework magazines, which I did not get, because, well, I already have a lot of this kind of thing.
I honestly wasn’t going to get anything until I saw two tiny purple hobnail glass containers, probably for matches or toothpicks. They are just perfect t for my window display of purple glass in my bathroom.
Tiny but cute.
Then I went in a dark corner under the stairs. What did I see? Vaseline glass. Not fake. And by gosh there were things shaped like logs. Even the little legs on the items looked like tree stumps.
Little logs
So, if you aren’t a collector of art glass, you might not know how cool this Vaseline glass (with bonus opalescence) is. It has uranium in it! I know a couple of collectors with many interesting pieces that I’ve enjoyed looking at, but I never had anything. This little set is so perfect for a nature lover…I glowed with love.
The log is a sugar bowl and the pump is a creamer, I learned. By the way, it’s safe to display.
Lee thinks I’m weird but got it for me as a Yule gift, a bit early. We didn’t get much bargaining, but I was ok with it. I’ve checked the prices online. You can pay more or less. But look, it glows in black light!
Now I feel extra justified in buying that black light flashlight!
I’m not sure where I’ll put the little keepsakes. I have them in my bedroom but they disappear against the yellow walls. I’ll put them I. My corner hutch, where I can see them from bed, perhaps. But this pleased me a lot. I always wanted some Vaseline glass, but never found exactly what I wanted. It was this. (The set is not particularly uncommon but not overly plentiful either—it was made by Northwood probably in the early twentieth century.)
Me, thrilled, Lee dubious.
As a bonus, I got to enjoy clouds and the sunset on the way home. So good. The sun also glows with scary rays, so it fits!
Daily Bird
It was rather quiet this morning when I went out, but I ended up with 38 birds heard, and some great viewing experiences. The two owls at the top of the post were impressive, but I also enjoyed watching the antics of a teeny red-eyed vireo. But the bird of the day is one I hadn’t heard here until today, the red-breasted nuthatch.
It’s officially cute.
I didn’t see this one, but I heard it. I saw one in Buescher State Park, though, and it was cute as heck going up and down a tree. I’m fond of birds that climb like that, like the brown creeper.
What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?
Now this is a good question! It’s been quite a challenging year, but the good stuff has been huge. I’m actually doing very well, considering. And here’s why.
Bonus: cool skies, like this sun dog this morning, Thank you, Nature.
Progress with Horsemanship: I’ve gotten to where I can ride Drew, at least on many days. And Apache and I have made so much progress that I can’t stop smiling when I think of it. My nerves are better and he feels better, which is such a great combination.
He’s un-learning a lifetime of holding his head high.
Learning about Birds: I gave the Cornell Ornithology Lab a nice donation this year, because the improvements in the Merlin Bird ID app have made this bird lover know so much more about what lives here at the Hermits’ Rest and wherever I visit. I feel like I have familiar friends everywhere I go now, even with eight similar sparrows here at once.
Since I got no bird pictures today, here’s a Red Admiral I saw in my meditation tree.
Camping in Seneca: one of the best things about this year has been going camping with Lee. It’s been wonderful for our relationship to get away and spend time together (when I’m not hiking solo). He sure loves to drive that thing.
Natural-Lee
Making Mental Peace with My Family: I’ve worked hard at accepting the way things are with my family. I just want my son and sister happy with their choices. I’m doing much better at accepting the family members who DO talk to me just as they are. And I feel more empathy with my parents, who did the best they could. Even Mom. This kind of thing has helped bring me more peace inside.
39 years without Mom. That poor woman.
What’s good with you? Whatever it is, hold onto it! We’re in for some bumpy times, I think.
Happy Hanukkah for my Jewish friends. It’s such a hard time, especially for those close to me.
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
If you’ve read more than a few posts on this here blog you know that this crone has a long list of things she’d like to change about herself, and that she at least says she’s working on them.
Today’s birds are white-crowned sparrows in a tree. They sang and sang.
So, what’s one thing I’d like to change about myself? Today I nominate my persistent and unwavering drive toward conflict and avoidance. I’d love to stop apologizing all the time and learn to take up for myself, whether it pisses people off and makes them dislike me or not.
The Hermits' Rest 