Ramblings – Page 20 – The Hermits' Rest

I’m Not Getting Older, I’m Getting Better?

What do you think gets better with age?

The ambiguous question here could be asking about fine wine, whiskey, cheese, or the patina on sculptures. It could also be asking what gets better as people get older. I’ll answer that one, though I warn you a lot of it will sound familiar. I don’t have that many themes in me.

One thing that I and many of my friends have found to get better with age is the ability to not need to be popular, liked, or acclaimed. It’s like that dull women group on Facebook: we are able to accept our ordinariness as well as our quirks and unique features. Not everyone will be impressed. And many of us elders are just fine with it. Loving yourself just as you are is something that takes a while to learn, for many.

Age also brings long-term perspective. It’s hard to have the insights that come from a long view until you have one. If you make it past age 50 or so you start to see patterns that repeat and can say, oh yes, I remember when television was going to ruin us but didn’t — probably video games didn’t ruin our children and TikTok won’t ruin our grandchildren. Maybe.

Me pensively taking the long view. Best I can do.

A final gift of age is that you come to appreciate little things in life. As your mind and body weaken, you are glad you can still read books and move around some. You appreciate sunrises and sunsets, because you don’t have many left. And you rejoice in the kindnesses you see in others.

That’s the best part for me, ferreting out the goodness hiding in plain sight. Try it! You don’t have to be older to do it!

Speaking of goodness, I cleaned my saddle and replaced my missing conchos. I have a saguaro cactus theme.

(I think the title to my post came from an ad for hair dye, right? Yes, I looked it up. It’s from the early 1970s.)

(Bonus: I think I wrote a five-paragraph paper, the thing we kept being assigned to do in high school. Mrs. Chisholm would be pleased, if she were still on this earth.)

Going to Bed Cooler

What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?

The important thing about going to bed tonight is that it’s in my own bedroom, where I can wind down in comfort. Yes, the parts (mostly) arrived and the upstairs air conditioning unit is fixed. I hated to complain, since downstairs was fine and we are very fortunate to have the motorhome to sleep in (made challenging by the malfunctioning slide—those things are a lot of trouble). I’m happy to be upstairs doing my evening things.

Highlight of my day: new conchos for Apache’s saddle. One of his got lost. Let’s see if I can get them on.

To answer the question, these days I head upstairs at around 9 pm unless there’s something interesting on television (rare). I get ready for bed, but then I stay up blogging (as I am now), adding observations to iNaturalist, and reading. It’s nice and quiet and comfy, so I go to sleep when I feel like it, usually 10:30-11.

Here’s the male of the grasshopper I shared yesterday. Roseate skimmer. Or carmine.

Like in the olden days, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and read some more. They say using your phone wakes you up, but I select pretty boring articles. That helps when I wake up concerned about out someone or something.

One concern was that I discovered my very important knitting needle was broken.

I’m usually up around 7 am, except for Thursdays, when I’m up at 6:15 to do open office hours at 7, for the Europeans who might need help with Planview apps. Few do. On the other hand, lots of folks needed help today! It evens out. I’ll really miss all the interesting people I meet once this job ends!

I’ll have more time to ride in the motorhome and look at weather phenomena then.

You may note that I sleep a lot. I always have needed more sleep than many people. I expected to need sleep as I got older, especially since my thyroid medication has bumped up my metabolism a bit. But I sure enjoy 9 hours. Lee sleeps more than me!

I’m yawning like Carlton, so time for bed!

I do fine on less sleep, but I don’t want to keep Lee up. If I could, I’d stay up so I could watch Colbert or the Daily Show. I miss them, but avoiding too much gnashing of teeth over news is healthy for me.

Present and Future Excitement

What are you most excited about for the future?

Gosh, I’m not excited about much in the future. Watching the fall of a civilization and seeing the rights of myself and my friends and family threatened isn’t what I’d call exciting; it’s more terrifying. And I feel so small and powerless (if one more person tells me I can make everything better by voting I will over-react in a ridiculous fashion. I DO vote but that’s not how things truly get done).

I’m feeling old, tattered, and fragile, like this wind-beaten Viceroy

Wait, I do look forward to driving around in Seneca and finding new bits of nature to explore. I hope to have that freedom. After all, I’m a harmless old woman and I have a heterosexual spouse, so I’m not too threatening on the surface. I just want to look at birds, bugs, and plants. Finding new ones is excitement enough for me.

This katydid was new for me: Black-margined Shieldback (*Pediodectes nigromarginatus*), pretty much only found in Texas.

And maybe Drew and I can become good partners! At least he is listening to my instructions like a champ this week. He walks until he is asked to trot. Hoorah!

We are good equines. We will be here for future excitement.

As for present excitement, we didn’t get any with Hurricane Beryl in our part of Texas, so I concentrated on seeing how my friends near Houston and on the coast fared. I was happy that our family members made it fine.

There was wind and .11” of rain here. I enjoyed the wind and the smell you get from hurricane clouds. You smell a little salt are, like the “cool Gulf breeze” Lee’s dad used to talk about when it was sweltering in Yorktown, Texas. To me it feels like Florida, when I’d take long walks at night in my breezy neighborhood just west of Ft. Lauderdale. I just stood and felt the wind for a good while this afternoon. Living in the moment!

Here’s a moment: the blanket through yesterday. If it hadn’t cooled off yesterday, there would have been a whole row of 95-99° highs.

I think the livestock were the happiest with today’s weather. The wind or “something gray” blew open the gate to the back pasture, so I found the horses far away at horse time. They liked that. Plus, Bianca, the lone chicken, was practically her old self today, since it didn’t get over 90°. She was out catching insects and sitting in the water trough like a happy hen.

Even her comb has some color in it again.

So yeah, even though I’m going through one of my pessimistic spates, I see what’s good out there! We all need each other’s support, so if you notice someone faltering, please reach out!

Maybe my exciting future bird will look like this!

Harmony, Before the Storm

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

I’m pretty tired from moving things to minimize potential tropical storm damage and a bit warm because I’m sleeping in the upstairs bedroom with no air conditioning. I have a fan and an open window, at least until rain starts. So, I’ll answer this blog prompt quickly.

For the sake of harmony I’ve let go of any drive I have to clarify my perspective on things that happen to me. I don’t need to prove I’m right or justified to anyone else. That’s led to a lot of harmony.

I’ve also let go of the desire to have a say in current or future plans that involve anyone other than myself. It’s not worth trying to provide input or ask questions that will come across as nosy. I make my own plans for things that are just my “stuff” and do my best to let people who are affected know. I try, anyway. That’s just how I do things. I don’t need to know what other folks are up to (in general, not making a barbed comment). I just used to be way too curious/interested.

There’s probably more, but it boils down to learning to stay in my own lane, accept changes and new situations as gracefully as I can muster, and let go of expectations. This makes work, community life, and family life much less stressful for me and reduces at least some potential conflict.

And gives me more time to enjoy the weather.

For every situation there’s more than one right solution and it’s not my job to find it every time! And I don’t HAVE to share my opinion so much. That has been hard to learn and I’m not quite as far along as I’d like to be. But since I started out as the annoying student who raised her hand to answer the teachers’ questions every single time, I had a long way to go.

Curious as to what these are? I’ll tell you! They are seed pods of the beautiful pitcher’s leather flower vine *Clematis pitcheri*

Now to keep my phone charged in case we lose power. Beryl should not be too bad this far north. Think about our family on the Texas coast and my Houston friends!

Americana Listening

What is your favorite genre of music?

I guess my experience with being in a vocal trio with a Kerrville Folk Festival devotee, volunteering at a monthly folk coffeehouse for years, and living with a rock/country guitarist for three years or so doomed me. I became pretty fond of Americana music. What’s that?

I’m lucky to have lived in Austin, Texas (or thereabouts) for 30 years or more. There is a lot of Americana music to watch. I watched and listened to a lot of it with my music friends. I loved this part of my life.

Oddly, I don’t listen much anymore. I think it has to do with the loss of my older son, who is a wonderful mandolin player (he’s not dead, just refuses to speak). And some unpleasantness happened to my other son in the music scene. Plus, my vocal cords are now damaged and I can’t sing certain notes now. It has taken away the pleasure of music.

That took a dark turn. Of course there were wonderful musical moments in my life. And music moves me when I do listen. And not just Americana! I love classic rock, classical, and Celtic especially. and the music of nature, naturally. Heh heh.

Eh. I’ll stop before I go on and on about favorite artists. Enjoy looking at Fiona and Drew.

I’m fine. Just musing. Long weekend.

Much Gratitude, Must Express

How do you express your gratitude?

Honestly, I think I’m pretty bad at expressing gratitude, at least to people. And there is SO much to be grateful for, even with the challenges my family and community keep coming up against. The support each of our communities give us can give the strength to make it one more day.

I didn’t take any photos today, but I’ll find some. I saw this beauty yesterday.

I do say I’m grateful, especially to those who help around the ranch, help with animal care, and fix the endless broken things. But no doubt I could say it more and come up with better ways to show my gratitude.

Example: I’m really lucky I can just ask my son to go look at a broken door or ask Anita to help with my screw-ups on the Red House bookings. I’m taking him to dinner and got her a shirt, but they both need to know how much their flexibility means to me.

And just knowing our niece and nephew who live on the ranch with us are there when we need them takes away so much stress. I just hope we reciprocate in ways we can help!

I think I do let Tarrin know how much her work with me and the horses means to me. Her journey has contributed greatly to mine. Mentors who share their growth are to be treasured. I try to share my own growth here, to pass it on!

She’s patient, firm, and kind. It’s a good way to be.

I guess I try to tell people in person how grateful I am for them. And for those I know via social media, I try to express it often. In this world where it’s sometimes hard to find like-minded people in person, having folks who understand your fears and worries to turn to online is invaluable. Thank you, blog readers, too!

This rabid wolf spider has black front legs that almost disappear.

Yes, nature. I also try to express gratitude to the earth and her inhabitants by treading lightly and harming as little as I can. I want to fit in, though as a human being in Western civilization, it’s hard to not take up too many resources.

I let this fellow out. There are more things to eat outside. It’s some kind of wolf spider.

I’m trying to learn to do better, mainly by reading my neighbor Sara’s blog on regenerative agriculture. In fact, you can head on over there and read her post on things you can do now to meet the goals I have been talking about. Hmm. Sara is someone I need to express gratitude toward!

Family, friends, community, mentors, our planetary home…I’m grateful for them all and will strive to make that clear!

Messing with Plarn

Honestly, I’m not up to much writing or deep thinking right now. I’m not interested in discussing what’s going on with myself or in the world. So…let’s talk plarn.

I mentioned last week that my friend Steve’s cousin had made many balls of plarn, which is strips of plastic from those ubiquitous plastic shopping bags. The cousin had been very busy, and made them much more even and consistent than my early attempts. I brought them home and promised to make something to give to a charity. But first I had to experiment.

Actually, first I had to do my Independence Day nails.

I got caught up to today in the Temperature Blanket, so I played with the plarn this afternoon. I looked for patterns but mainly saw bags, baskets, and mats for unhoused people or however you say it.

My first test was crochet with a giant hook

Most patterns I saw were for crocheted projects. I tried to start the circular thing above but it didn’t look so great. I needed a slightly smaller huge hook, but who knows where that might be. So I gave up on crochet for today.

That seemed to be a religious fabric, because it was certainly holey. Ha ha, I mentioned religion. I am afraid my giant purple knitting needles were too big. I always have to go down a couple of sizes.

This sample was with 10.5 US needles. It looks at least somewhat solid. So I keeps going with this one, enjoying the slight color changes as she changed bags. every so often she threw in a colored bag. I’m glad I made a sample, because I can tell I got more smooth at knitting with the plarn as I went along.

I’m sure future projects will have smoother edges.

I found that edge pretty ugly, but I came up with a plan to pick up along the edges. That was fun. I think this project is a MAT. It will be built up log cabin style from here on.

Note how the ugly edge is gone. Heh heh.

Maybe it will be an item for dogs at the pound or something. It would be easy to clean…

It’s hard to come up with fun things to make, because you can’t make classics like hit pads, place mats, etc. it would melt. I’ll be honest. I don’t know how practical plarn items will actually be.

Comments?

Most Delicious?

What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?

It’s funny. I have a very good memory for taste. I can remember things I ate years ago, like Judy’s squash soup served in a squash on Thanksgiving in the early 1980s.

Closest I have to a photo of squash soup on my phone

I remember the oyster sampler I had in Seattle with Melissa and Chriztine. Each oyster tasted so different.

This is actually a photo of the dish I am referring to! I found it!

Right up there among my favorites was my first boudin, spicy and freshly made in rural Cajun Louisiana. I ate so much I had no appetite for Christmas dinner.

Boudin from around here. Also delicious.

One year I made the perfect oyster cornbread dressing at Thanksgiving. So much flavor and seasoning. I also made a mushroom and rice dish with five kinds of mushrooms, butter, and garlic for my kids and me soon after their dad left. I think part of the thrill was just making whatever the heck we wanted.

No idea if these are edible, but it’s a little of mushrooms

I get the idea that umami is my favorite flavor! Also, I am fond of oysters, because my mother’s oyster stew (with fresh oysters and cream) also floated up in my taste memories.

The aftermath of me eating dozens of cluster oysters on Hilton Head island.

There have been some amazing meals in recent years, both home cooking and restaurant food. But all I can dredge up is things I ate long ago, so I am going to declare the most delicious thing I ever ate to be the coffee ice cream my boyfriend, roommate, and I made a small batch of in the trailer house in Gainesville. It was so much trouble to make that we never repeated it. But I still remember the intense coffee and cream flavor.

Some of us don’t get to have coffee. Poor Anita. I can’t believe I gave her that mug in 2017. Wow.

Ahhh.

Silly Costume Question

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

I’m tired from four hours in today’s heat, so I hadn’t planned to blog. However, I can handle this question and want to know your answers, too. Here’s what I could wear every day:

No, my Bitmoji avatar doesn’t look much like me. But it has a red t-shirt, blue jeans, and red shoes, probably in my old age I should trade the cowboy boots for Skechers slip ons. I would accessorize with turquoise jewelry. Under it would be my extra comfy MeUndies bra-like thing and matching soft, practical undies, tie dye print. I’d be fine.

My shadow would look just like this, other than the bare foot.

What would you wear?

Otherwise I had a good day of work and helpful horse lessons. Apache is doing so well and is really becoming Mr. Reliable. Drew was a bit sore and jumpy. He got so sweaty he looked black.

Here he is indicating his opinion of moving left correctly.

I did get a few nice photos of the horses today. My favorite is Dusty and Mabel enjoying a drink together.

And here’s the whole herd wishing you the peace and abundance they have, mostly.

Spiritual Is a Loaded Word – I Stick with Love

How important is spirituality in your life?

It’s pretty common to hear people say, “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” I don’t think it’s a way to avoid the hard stuff, or a convenient cop out. It’s true for many of us ruminating, pondering types who just don’t like rigid rules.

Eryngo (*Eryngium hookeri*) showed up here! I didn’t know it was native.

Organized religion is not my idea of a spirituality nurturing institution, probably because they’re institutions more than pathways to spiritual growth. Any group that thinks it has all the answers turns out not to have them.

Also new in the fields is Soft Goldaster (*Bradburia pilosa*)

So, I draw my spirituality from the life spirit around me, in the rocks, trees, wind, animals, and ineffable sparks of realities just beyond my perception. You know, like viruses used to be for humans. A tradition I once followed mentioned an interconnected web of life. My spiritual practice honors that.

Yes, I’m connected to the Prairie Boopie

I also try to express my connections to all around me in how I live my life. I get most of my ideas from teachers like the Buddha, Jesus, and Starhawk, but I’ve received guidance from many other teachers, some of whom didn’t end up with a religion purporting to represent them. Pay attention and you’ll find the wisdom to lead you to peace and clarity in all sorts of unexpected places from surprising messengers. Some may be horses or dogs.

Speaking of them, I do find that the presence of my animal companions fills a void I experience in even wonderful periods of travel. I’m so glad to be back to feel Goldie’s giant, rough paw on my face or Mabel’s warm, curious breath from so much higher than Dusty’s even-tempered nudges.

Home is where you ground yourself, and I have finally reached a point where the Hermits’ Rest centers me almost as much as my hometown in Florida did. My spiritual center needs that grounding. I spent half my life without it! It’s good to have a home again. Yes. Now my love for all existence can grow and be shared freely.

Scruffy but lovable house. The land is home!

Right now the ranch has been taken over by cicadas. I’m glad we only got one eruption here and that they won’t be here too long. Maybe I managed to miss two weeks of them by leaving! I can barely hear birds!

On the other hand, it’s easy to meditate around them. It’s like singing bowls, only more grating.