Health – Page 24 – The Hermits' Rest

Should I Be Committed?

Hmm, I don’t think I’m referring to being institutionalized. I’ll let you know if I get to that point, though I sure hope I don’t. I know that is hard on everyone involved.

One commitment is to my precious little circle of a doggie.

No, today’s UULent word was “commitment,” and I surprised myself at where my mind went when I read that. At first, I just thought of things I had a strong commitment to, like meditating, walking (i.e., making the Darned Watch happy), my spouse and family, and me.

The Darned Watch. Remnider of so many things I’m committed to. And grackles. Not committed to them.

Then I thought about how very serious I am about commitments. If I say I am going to do something and really commit internally, I go to a lot of lengths to meet those commitments. That’s good, right? I know some non-profit organizations and a boss who are glad I made commitments to them. I once beat myself up if I missed any meeting of anything (wow, I went to a LOT of La Leche League meetings when my kids were little). I’m doing better with that.

Traditional wedding ring. It’s not very me-like, but it reminds me I have committed to a partnership with Lee. He ain’t perfect. Neither am I. Suna ring! What does it spell backwards! Ha ha!

And that’s the thing. As I’ve mentioned before, I tend to over-commit myself. Oh look, here’s another link. It does fill my days up so I can’t ruminate or dwell on things I can’t do anything about, but I do need to rest and recover. As my Suna ring* is supposed to remind me, I am also committed to myself (my physical health, my mental health, my needs).

Sometimes, too, commitments need to be broken, because they aren’t good for you. I know I have held on to more than one relationship too long, because I didn’t want to break a commitment. (A conversation with friends I had last night reminded me vividly that I stuck with people who were not good for my mental health to my detriment.)

Two other examples leap to mind: I broke my commitment to my church when I realized it was not a source of inspiration for me, but a reminder of what’s negative about institutions. I ended my commitment to La Leche League when I realized that the bickering and in-fighting was not going to end and we were never going o be able to just concentrate on our mission. These things were draining me. I’m better now where I can admire these institutions’ admirable qualities, but not be deeply involved in the parts that aren’t good for me.

I’m committed to trying to get 700 minutes of watch-approved exercise this month.

Plus, some of my “commitments” have devolved into habits. I finally stopped subscribing to knitting magazines when I realized I was never going to actually knit anything from them, and I could buy individual patterns when I need them. I was just in the habit of buying things to support a hobby that was no longer bringing me joy. I realized I was knitting because I thought I was supposed to be, not because I enjoyed it. Now I ONLY do it when I feel a real desire.

I guess what I’m trying to convince myself of here is that, while it is good to be committed to a practice, a cause, a person, it’s not necessarily a character flaw to de-commit. I think the result of this UU Lent prompt has reminded me at just the right time that I need to periodically re-evaluate my commitments of all kinds to be sure they are still benefiting me, my family, my community, and my world.

I will not give up the commitment to healthy eating. Thank you, volunteer kale.

Do you have commitments that you may want to move away from? What kind? Why?

*The Suna ring was hand made, and purchased at Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri, a place I thought I’d hate but ended up providing a wonderful vacation and a happy time for my sons and me right after that commitment to their dad broke. I still miss the people we went with every day, though I lost them when the La Leche League commitment went bad, big time. It’s hard when your best friends fire you. But, I’ve been wearing that ring nearly 20 years now.

If You Need Help

Here in Blogland, one of my friends has had an upsetting experience. She has a frequent commenter who leaves unusual comments, which she always reads and accepts. We all know some “nonstandard” people we care for deeply, or are nonstandard people who are glad people care for us. And we are all challenged by life from time to time, if not often.

This morning’s fog has been with me all day.

Today, out of the blue, the frequent commenter on my friend’s blog posted that they were going to commit suicide. Wow, that cry for help went to someone who didn’t know who or where it originated. What to do?

My fellow blogger is pretty smart, and she also contacted WordPress for advice. Then, she gave the commenter the number for the national suicide hotline and the URL to hotlines outside the US:

1-800-273-8255
and
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
important!

All of us fans of the blog also reached out to let the commenter know that we do care. I think we have all been touched by suicide and feel empathy and love for people in crisis. We all hope this blog reader has found help.

I hope the fog has cleared for the person who reached out.

These are hard times for many of us. But we need each other. If you need help, use these resources, reach out to a real-life friend by phone, text, or in person, and remember you are valuable, just as you are.

Aftermath

This is just a brief note to let you all know that, after my undignified fall, I got through yesterday okay and am okay today so far. I am just stiff and sore. I am proud to say that by walking slowly around the house during a couple of phone calls, I managed to keep my streak of hitting my movement goal going, so now it’s up to 154 days. I’m glad that once I’m actually up, walking is fine. I actually got in more steps yesterday than the day before, but they sure weren’t brisk after I went BOOM.

I was proud of myself when I hit the goal.

Now that I am older, it takes longer to recover from falls and such. Actually, falling makes me feel old, but I would have fallen where I was yesterday at any age. I’m just going to make the most of it and pay attention to where the hurt is each day.

For example, yesterday my chest muscles hurt so badly that I honestly didn’t notice anything else. Who knows how falling on my back strained them, but it sure did. Today, though, my shoulders and upper back are reminding me that I fell on them, and my upper leg is tender. Interestingly, my arms now hurt from trying to break the fall. It’s not bad, but it’s THERE.

And I realize I hit my head, thanks to the headache and bruising back there. I haven’t had any “concussion protocol” symptoms (thanks to American football on television, I know what they are), so I am pretty sure I will heal fine.

Since it is still raining hard, I have been sure to put on sturdy shoes today. We’re grateful for that rain!

That looks a heck of a lot better. Photo by Chris.

I’m grateful that I don’t see any bruising anywhere, though I’m surprised, knowing how hard I hit the deck. (Ha ha, I literally hit the deck.) You just never know what the effect of an incident will be! I hope there are no lingering symptoms, like the ankle that still occasionally hurts from when Carlton pulled me down the hill as a puppy. THAT incident produced a LOT of colorful bruising.

But, I am not hurt badly, so don’t worry about me. I’ll be back to other topics now, like renovation progress. I was so happy to see that they scraped all the paint smears off the stained glass over the front door. It will look so good once everything is cleaned and re-painted (carefully).

Mind Blind? On the Contrary!

A bunch of my Facebook buds have been posting a link to a BBC article that came out in 2015. Go read it; I’ll wait.

Oh, okay, it’s about the fact that a significant number of humans do not picture scenes in their minds when thinking. It’s called mind blindness, or aphantasia. I have to admit that, in all my endless reading about how brains work, I had never realized that this is as common as it is. Apparently it affects 2% of the population!

What do you mean, some of us see stuff others don’t!? From *chiller856 via Twenty20* (original and appropriate caption: **The eyes are useless when the mind is blind…💀**

When someone posted a link to the article and said they were mind blind, I was really surprised. I’d never have guessed. Later, people said they found out their spouses were that way and they’d never known. I got suspicious, and asked my own spouse, whose perceptions have sometimes baffled me. Yep, he has it at least to some extent, and definitely has the related issue of being face blind (THAT explains why he found me attractive!). Well, huh. I knew he was color blind (try picking out paint with that guy), but I hadn’t known this!

The article goes on to say some people become upset when they find out other people have movies going on in their heads. I don’t know; I think if I was born a certain way, it would feel normal, like being short, or prone to being gassy.

I also wonder if there’s research to show that people who are mind blind prefer to read nonfiction over fiction, as an anecdote in the article suggested. I guess it’s nice that if these folks read a book and see a movie, they aren’t bothered that the characters don’t look how they pictured them!

This also makes me wonder if some other traits correlate to mind blindness. Some of my friends have suggested their attention-deficit traits and/or social skills issues associated with the autism spectrum may go along with this. However, many people I know don’t report this. I want more research! (Here’s an article with more research, but not on my questions.)

The Other Side

Why was I not surprised to learn that there’s another way of perceiving things called hyperphantasia, or super-visualizers. These folks have very detailed mental images and can describe what they see easily. They are folks who have been termed to have “very vivid imaginations.” According to the researcher in the article, people usually fall somewhere in between aphantasia and hyperphantasia. That makes sense, knowing how mental traits tend to work out.

OUCH

Well, poop. I am not superhuman. I also don’t really think my wardrobe choices through.

Evil slippery deck in its ancient and damp glory.

It’s been raining for a couple of days, so, of course, our ancient deck is mighty wet. I wasn’t really concerned about it, since I’d managed to walk Vlassic just fine earlier today.

However, I’d changed into some really cute cowboy boots to wear to work. So, when time came to walk the dogs again, I strode out at my usual brisk pace (so it will count as exercise for my watch), and was singing a happy song.

Suddenly, my feet were in the air and I thought, “Oh boy, this isn’t good,” just as my rear end made contact with the deck and I promptly bounced on my upper back. I could feel the vertebrae as they got hit. ACK.

Landing there, of course my lungs got squished, so I lost my breath. I did manage to tell Anita I hadn’t broken anything and asked her to take the dog.

Vlassic takes care of me. I look like crap. And Supergirl is back there taunting me and reminding me that I am NOT her.

That was certainly a dumb wardrobe choice. And we really, really need to replace that deck with something that has some traction. Changing into dry clothing was “interesting,” but it appears like I just have some bruising in my ribs and my wrists (from trying to break the fall).

Dear Vlassic came and jumped on me to make me feel better, and Anita got me a hot wrap for my shoulders. I am now prepared for the chorus of “Arnica” and other remedies. I’ll take care of myself, I promise!

I’m on Fire in the Snow(ish)

It’s been interesting lately, but at least not bad, just interesting. Yesterday was another long, but productive, day at work. I enjoy those a lot, when I get to have ideas and help other people out. Plus, some of my favorite “drudgework” is coming up, so I’m all pleased. I am grateful every day to have work and a place where I’m appreciated. It was a long time coming.

See, I’m a person at Planview, even though that was a couple of job titles ago.

But, I had to leave a little early to go get the mammogram the doctor ordered yesterday. I wasn’t worried, since the 3D ones aren’t as awful as the other ones were, but as I was standing there, extremely awkwardly, I began to itch. Yoga breathing to the rescue, and I got through it, but wow, was I itchy.

Yep, I was covered in a rash, everywhere I had touched the machine (I kindly cropped the photo). All I can figure is that whatever disinfectant they use between patients (which is, of course, a very good thing) disagreed with me rather violently!

So, I ran off to the haircut place, where I had a nice glass of wine and was comforted by Dan, who also removed a ton of hair, with no disasters involved. I’m glad I finally found someone I like to do my hair, and that it is CLOSE to the house. Next time it will be a lot more fun, so stay tuned for late March.

Earlier in the week hair.
Less hair. Slept on it, though.

It was really cold when we came back from having a Chinese dinner (chicken and broccoli, healthy and good with no rice!). Declan came over and chatted with us while we ate, which was a nice break. It is always so nice to catch up.

On the way home, little frozen rocks were spitting from the sky, I guess graupel. So, I was not surprised to see what passes for a “winter wonderland” around here when I woke up.

Better mark myself safe from Austin Snowpocalypse 2020! I think Cameron got a little bit more, from photos I saw (it will be long gone by the time I get there this evening). Be safe out there, Texans! Everyone up north, enjoy a chuckle on us!

This much snow is pretty. And once a year is often enough!

Happy Salad, Happy Imbolc

I’m a happy gal today. I went to the doctor for my checkup and was declared in “excellent health for a woman your age.” Thanks, I think. Some more lab tests got done and I have to get a mammogram tomorrow (making me wonder if she found something).

But, yay, I was so happy I got the happy salad for lunch!

It was happy, though I put on too much dressing.

I also couldn’t help but be cheered up by the weather today. In this part of Texas, February 1 is when you start to see the sweet-smelling flowers blooming. When I stepped out of the work building for my daily walk, I was hit by the smell of these little power-houses of smell.

Then, just around the corner I smelled grape Kool-Aid! The Texas mountain laurels have started to bloom!

While the knockout roses were pretty, they didn’t smell, but that’s okay, the sweet alyssum and phlox made up for it.

They remind me of me, perhaps a bit too colorful.

No wonder Imbolc (celebrated on February 1 in the Celtic festivals) is my favorite holiday. It symbolizes light arising from the darkness, and here that means flowers! I’ll give some to my Brighid statue today (it’s St. Bridget’s Day on February 1, too). (Note that Anita’s favorite holiday is Groundhog Day, so we have two days in a row to celebrate.)

Anyway, remember to take care of yourself, turn off the news, and look around you. There’s always something out that that will lift your spirits.

How Did That Health Plan Go, Suna?

So glad you asked, self! You may recall that my health checkup last fall didn’t look so good. My waist measurement and my triclycerides put me at risk of something bad, I’m not sure what. The new doctor I went to back in November told me to go home, eat less sugar and fewer carbohydrates and come back in early February. And losing ten percent of my body weight would be just great.

If you haven’t seen it on social media, I wanted to share this photo of the sunrise today reflected in my car. No filters!

I was trying that positive body image and eat what you want method, but I had to concede it wasn’t working out too well health- or pants-wise. So I did what I could without going into some unhealthy fixation on food or weight.

It’s early February, and I go in tomorrow. I got the bloodwork done last week (and the lady tried to gouge me to death). The results are IN!

I’m still eating eggs. You have to eat SOME cholesterol! Image by *@clarebevanphotography via Twenty20*

Happy day! I have knocked those bad ole triglycerides down to 129 from 203. I am back in the healthy range, though I was 116 in 2018, so I’ll keep working on it. Since I can’t change the other types of cholesterol (HDL 63 – unchanged, LDL 104 – slightly lower), I’ll try to eat the stuff I like better, anyway. I was pleased that my total cholesterol is now even lower than in 2018.

An Aside

This image is entitled “tasty muffins” on the royalty-free image source. Rub it in! Image by@melanie_thedreamer via Twenty20

While I’m trying my best to avoid refined sugar and white flour, rice and such, every time I get home to the ranch, the house is MORE full of loaves of bread, muffins, sweet rolls, chips, cookies, cakes…wow. It’s really been challenging to be moderate with that stuff, but I’ve done okay. Lee’s in heaven, since Chris and Kathleen eat the way he does! But hey, they live at my house full time, and I’m only there a few days a week. They should eat what they like. I can find veggies and fruit, because Kathleen does get that, too!

Back to Health

One of the things I did for the past few months is up my exercising a bit. I showed you earlier how well that was going, and I am happy to say all trends are on the rise! Thanks, Apple Watch.

I know I shouldn’t compete with myself, but I am glad I’m improving.
The exercise increase didn’t start until last month, but it sure shows!
The amount of good ole movement I’ve been doing has also increased by enough to get me healthier.
Notice how much farther my walking average is in the past three months.
This shows I haven’t missed my movement goal since I started trying to do better, and that includes raising my goal in December.

And yes, I have lost weight. I can see it in my face. Not 10% of my body weight, though! With just changing to healthier eating and additional exercise, it’s coming off in a nice, slow way.

Whoops, I Hit a Limit

If I can’t get balanced, I’ll drop all my stuff.
(Robin Wood tarot, 2 of Pentacles)

For the past few weeks I knew I had been filling my time with too many things that take away energy and not enough things that build it back up. I know perfectly well what those things are, and usually I am able to keep a good balance, even with all my jobs, volunteer positions, and social/family stuff.

But, hey, as we all know too well, life happens. So, even though I have my nature walks, dogs, horses, chickens, and good friends to build up my reserves, some of these new things that have popped up have tilted the balance. I’m just worn out.

What’s Draining My Energy?

Well, some of the things are small and some are large. Some are at least superficially good, and some are plain irritating.

That’s my energy, serenity, motivation, and essence, just going down the drain.

I got a new job responsibility in Austin that seemed like it wouldn’t be too much, but has put at least half a day per week of meetings on my schedule. Meetings drain me (the new people I work with are great, though, and I actually want to contribute by doing this work).
Some new management strains have surfaced, too. Yet another initiative for “creating a mentoring culture” and “celebrating wins” has arrived. These things are all well meaning and “just” take a few minutes. For each direct report and your own self. And then you need to schedule some one-on-ones, which will add another few hours of meetings (with people I like, for sure, but still…I want to do actual work). And corporate initiatives drain me.
I try to schedule just two nonprofit meetings a week, but with the Master Naturalist class going on every week, there ends up being more many weeks. I thought I had it all straight this week, with one MN meeting and one day of volunteering for MTOL and all the animals at the thrift shop, but, suddenly a house closing, in Austin, popped up. ACK. I wanted to do it, but that would mean going to Cameron for a Thursday night meeting, then to Austin for a Friday afternoon closing, then back to Cameron for the thrift store in the morning. I want to do all the things…but wow. Too much driving drains me.
Many of my friends and family members, near and far, haven’t been well. I want to be there for them, too. I can’t let that go to the wayside. Sending out good energy drains me.
And I want to help Anita get her Cameron house ready for a tenant who’s going to help her fix it up. Watching her work so hard with no help drains me by proxy.

Consequences

So, I find myself having a hard time getting through days. I was just sure yesterday was Thursday. It was Tuesday.

Yesterday afternoon, after work meetings for both jobs, I was all nauseated and had one of those squeezing headaches, but powered through a 2-hour meeting. Today I had allergy symptoms and my throat has that weird feeling like it’s sore, but not like I have a cold or flu. I get it when I am physically run down. DING. I can’t even keep my eyes open.

Things, even pretty things, can overwhelm if there are too many of them. Photo by *@lostintimeline via Twenty20*

Hey, that may mean I need to STOP WRITING and go rest. Gee. Quit yelling. My head hurts. I need to be kind to myself and remember that if I don’t get my balance back, I can’t be much use to anyone.

Gonna make a few schedule changes and re-balance. Lee already changed the closing to doing it from Cameron. Now to meditate. Om.

Health Care. Does Anyone Actually Care?

If you are healthy the US health care system works just great, because you don’t have to deal with any insurance or bureaucrats.

If you are sick, your doctor is not in charge of your care. Oh no. Some company is going to second guess them, delay your authorization, or deny you.

And if you are on Medicare, good luck. Even if you go to the hospital ahead of time, meet with the people, schedule your necessary procedure, etc., you can end up just sitting around hoping your heart doesn’t give out before you are graciously granted your authorization.

That’s where I am now. Waiting with my sister, who foolishly believed she had an appointment this morning. The numerous agencies that have to communicate about it seems to have missed talking to each other. Argh.

Really. The woman needs her procedure. We all wouldn’t have driven to Temple and camped out at a hospital full of germs if it weren’t necessary.

I don’t get it how anyone thinks the system where huge insurance companies control the lives of innocent people and you have to pay a third of your salary for the privilege.

Doctors don’t like it either. Nurses don’t like it. They’d love to actually help people with health issues rather than coding and paperwork.

Rant over. I just want my sister to get treated, not get apologies about how badly the new system works. I know it’s hard to disappoint people. I don’t blame the staff.

Well. It turned out “someone” had sent her info to the wrong third-party processor. I do believe the hospital figured out they messed up, because approval came only a half hour later.

I’m all confident now, because the medical team seems great. We will have a healthier and happier family member soon!