Sue Ann (Suna) Kendall

This Thing Called Life

Dearly beloved…and I’ll end my Prince quote here. I’ve been thinking about life, whatever it is, exactly. What a privilege it is to interact with our environment in these bodies, with these senses, hormones, and sentience.

These colors are incredible, even if we don’t all see the same.

Whatever it means to be alive is a mystery, which we humans have come up with many ideologies, myths, belief systems, and science to try to explain. I’m one of those humans who think there is something we can’t perceive or comprehend that keeps our illusion of life, time, physics, and all that together. I’m not even sure that all life perceives the same things, not even individuals of the same species.

That’s right. No two calves are alike, either.

So, here we all are wandering around perceiving and judging, harboring the illusion that everyone else is living in the same “world” that we are. I contend that we’re wrong about that. I’m not positive that even folks we agree with are perceiving what we think we are.

I perceive this to be a Mockingbird. But that’s just me.

It’s no wonder, then, that we keep hearing the same things said about members of our fractured culture in opposing “sides.” And they are sincerely baffled about why those “sheep” have “drunk the Kool Aid” and need to “wake up.”

Depending on how your brain chemistry is set up, you might see liberals, conservatives, Marxists, Greens, or Libertarians as making sense and everyone else is an idiot. Or worse. I’m so tired of this shit and how it’s affecting all life on this planet.

Perhaps this is why Lee dragged me out of the house to enjoy a burger and a flight of wine (and Brussels sprouts).

It’s making it harder and harder to keep placing one foot in front of the other and appreciate this amazing gift of LIFE, even though I’m going along with the Buddha in positing it’s an illusion.

The big illusion that I, and many of my generation, allowed ourselves to believe was that history was arcing toward peace, equality, and freedom to be and believe however we see fit and that we were all working towards these goals. I was pretty wrong about that!

But nonetheless, life is precious and I want to appreciate the opportunity to live as long as I’m allowed to. In this life I’m going to love deeply, cherish the planet and its inhabitants, and learn as much as I can, even though it may be unpleasant much of the time.

Hey, sometimes there’s humor! Like a cyber truck actually being used as a truck.

Mostly, I will accept with grace that a good portion of the people I share the world with want me eliminated. Yeah. People in my town who carry cards saying “Spay or Neuter Your Democrat” or post signs in their yard saying they have PTSD: Pretty Tired of Stupid Democrats.

You can get the shirt on Amazon. But don’t, for many reasons (and I’m sure there are offensive shirts with opposing views; this is an example.)

Stuff like that is why I do not intend to engage in tit for tat with these folks. We live in different worlds, and they live in different worlds from many people of similar ideologies.

I’m glad some of our worlds overlap a bit. Not everyone who voted differently from you or practices a different religion is an extremist. So many of us just want to have an enjoyable life. Somehow.

Counting Birds and Holding Steady

What luck. This weekend is the Great Backyard Bird Count.

This provides me with a perfect excuse to sit outside in my chair for hours and track what birds show up. I needed that healing time, and the peace of being outdoors. Since there was a break in the weather and the sun came out, I got a lot of healing time out of the break.

It was so green! But frigid air is returning.

Plus, I found 46 species of birds today, which will be great for the count. We’re so lucky here that I can see water birds, woodland birds, and meadow birds (like Meadowlarks!). Even a duck flew over, an American Wigeon. I wish ducks liked our ponds more, but they mainly attract shore birds. At least mostly all the winter sparrows and the Pipit showed up: White-crowned, White-throated, Savannah, Vesper, Field, Harris’s, Song, and House (technically an Old World species). So many little brown birds. I just love watching them, the Cardinals, the Chickadees, and the Titmice searching for tasty morsels.

Okay, so when I wasn’t birding I did my nails, which always distracts me for an hour each week as I try not to wrinkle the polish or put them on wonky. These look pretty cool.

I was writing up the Master Naturalist meeting minutes in my office and kept thinking I saw Goldie on the sofa. Or couch. I had to make it look different and not remind me so much of her or I’d dread going in there. So, I washed the cover I’d put on to try to prevent more damage to it. But, then I remembered how filthy she had gotten the upholstery by getting on it when dirty or skunked or bleeding.

Hey, I helped with that and am still here!

So I got out the upholstery cleaner stuff and went to town on that grime. I guess that was the equivalent of our nephew digging a giant hole for her burial yesterday —I poured my sadness into scrubbing. And it worked. The fabric looks way better and smells less “doggy.” I now remember how I’d decorated the room, too.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll take my grief out on the muddy and bur-covered horses. They were pretty icky looking when I fed them.

Anyway, thanks for your good thoughts and kind words. I’m feeling very cared for today. If you ever wonder whether words of sympathy after a loved one (human or not) passes are helpful to the bereaved, I can tell you they are.

Farewell to Our Dear Friend

You may have heard that Goldie left this world today, about five months after her osteosarcoma ordeal began. The good news is that she didn’t really slow down until this week, and only got really bad today, not eating, having trouble standing, etc.

The three of us here at the ranch worked together to give Goldie a good last day. after many calls, the guys found a vet who would come here so she didn’t have to be hauled in and out of cars. I sat with her for the last hour before the vet arrived, with her head on my lap or in my arms. It was very peaceful and loving.

It was important to me that she have peace. I have had too many traumatic dog passings. I don’t want more if it can be helped. We knew this was coming, so we could prepare.

Describing what a special dog Goldie was is difficult. People say all Great Danes are sweet dogs. That may be so, but this one felt like a friend, a confidant, and a guardian all rolled into one.

She was a Mighty Huntress of skunks and armadillos, she was a goofy dinosaur head when she got excited, her tail was a danger to men of a certain height, and she looked at you with those golden eyes, so full of love…

The few years we had with Goldie weren’t enough. But that’s what she had for us. We will treasure our memories.

Goldie’s memorial bonfire, next to her very deep grave. Digging big holes is a good way to process grief.

Old, Parents, Worries

What were your parents doing at your age?

I’m still feeling old and irrelevant, just like my cousin J. And I’m incredibly sad to be watching my sweet Great Dane, Goldie, swiftly declining. Cancer is just awful. It makes me hesitant to have another giant dog.

And cancer is why I can’t tell you what my mother was doing at my age (pushing 67). She’d been dead four years, thanks to her nicotine addiction. I wish she’d had a less addictive personality. I know she loved us.

I was born, born in the 50s. I already look concerned.

When Dad was 66 I think he was at his happiest. If my memory is correct, he’d met my stepmother and was having fun hanging with friends, traveling, and working in his beloved flower gardens. What a contrast. Dad was great taking care of Mom. He deserved a time to have fun. (He married Flo, a woman just like quirky Mom only without addictions, so he had challenges later!) I loved my dad so much. What a great, flawed, very human human being he was.

Things sure are different for me. My parents grew more prosperous and felt safer as they aged. Boomers like me had no idea what they’d be in for as they grew older. This is not the future I’d envisioned.

Thanks to everyone who’s been reaching out. Knowing I have kind people in my life is a source of comfort.

February 11 Status

Update on today:

It rained all day. I hope it was enough.
I finished the 2024 temperature blanket. The borders helped.
I feel irrelevant in today’s world. Not much to contribute. Fading away.
Goldie had seizures. Lee wants to see if she can make another week.
Lots of sickness among my friends, as well as losses of beloved dogs and cats. They mean so much to us.

There are hundreds of Grackles in these trees.

It’s just one of those times. I’ll keep breathing and accepting that life has its ups and downs.

Blanket with borders. January 2024 at left, December at right.

Time for Quiet

It’s one of those days when there is a lot to process. I’m not sure that I’m ready to say anything yet, other than I’m feeling really irrelevant due to my age, ethnicity, gender, and views. It’s probably good that I figured that out before I did or said something I shouldn’t. I need to keep processing for a bit.

I’m the big egret in a world of coots and ducks.

We did make it home. The animals are quite pleased. The people seemed to be, too. I’ll talk to y’all, one-sidedly, tomorrow. I’ll be quiet now.

Our two sickly dogs mostly bark from the couch now. Neither is doing very well.

More Excruciatingly Dull Birds

Sorry. All I have is more bird pictures. I spent most of the day relaxing, but hit all my exercise goals walking around looking at stuff.

I didn’t enjoy the Super Bowl much since we had to try to stream it on bad connectivity. I missed most of the good commercials and the game was too embarrassing to enjoy. Ugh.

This coot butt is more interesting than that game.

I did encounter 53 species of birds today, which is impressive. I especially enjoyed sitting at a shady picnic table next to a big oak tree and some scrub, and just watching bird behavior.

This tiny Downy Woodpecker must have pecked this entire sapling.

The most fun part of the interlude was when I heard a new sound and there was the bird I’d been looking for here at Choke Canyon the most, the Audubon’s Oriole. It’s so striking. And it proceeded to put on a little show of cuteness for me. What a joy.

Not wanting me to forget that it’s also cute and colorful, a Green Jay popped in for a puffing and preening session. Yep, it was indeed cute.

I wandered around the lake a while, too, seeing ducks, a pair of Anhingas, Least Sandpipers, Coots, a Cooper’s Hawk, and Ospreys.

Of course, while chatting with neighbors, I did other observations. Enjoy. I enjoyed the neighbors. Many seem as starved for friendly conversation as I am.

Red Admiral. I saw other butterflies, but they were busy.

Heading home tomorrow.

Pay Attention and You’ll Learn Stuff

Here’s what I learned today. This morning, a fellow birder and I watched the Red-winged Blackbirds in a feeding frenzy at the bird blind.

We also watched two beautiful Long-billed Thrashers as they stayed above the hubbub and got their food and drink. These are interesting, because they have a limited range and are sort of in between Brown Thrashers and Curved-bill Thrashers.

They have cool golden eyes and those long bills.

They weren’t as flashy as the Green Jays or Great Kiskadees, but it was fun to watch them pop in and out of view.

As you can imagine, all these birds were loud. Very loud.

The thrashers never made a sound.

Later in the day, I walked the bird trails that led to the unimaginably named 75-Acre Lake. There weren’t many birds to be found most of the way, one exception were Ling-billed Thrashers. They were always rustling in the leaves and hopping up and down in the trees.

I enjoyed the lake which had recently been cleared of cattails, and did hear a White-eyed Vireo pair singing, and lucked out to hear a Roadrunner making its eerie song. All was not lost.

There are large Spanish Dagger yucca here

My learning about the thrashers concluded around sunset. I began hearing what I thought was a Mockingbird going through its repertoire, but it didn’t seem right. I fired up Merlin Bird ID and was quite surprised to see an ID of Ling-billed Thrasher. All the thrashers got together at sunset and sang their hearts out for about a half hour. It was beautiful! Who knew? They only sing at dusk.

I’m glad I paid attention to the behavior of these birds. I learned something!

Hooray! Suna also can differentiate vultures by their wings. I’m a Black Vulture.

Observation and re-evaluation led me to a new life bird today, too. In the bird blind we noticed the size difference between the little Inca Doves and the others at the feeders.

I assumed the large dove at left was a Mourning Dove. However, Merlin listed a different option first, the White-tipped Dove. I’d never heard of it, but looked at the description. Sure enough, this dove had white wing and tail tips and no other patterning. Not a Mourning Dove at all. I just had to look carefully.

Whew. My head is full from all that observing and learning. Still I found time to see more fun plants, animals and birds today. And I can’t forget learning from fellow campers, most of whom seem to be from Canada or Minnesota. They’re so friendly! The birder guy was local, from San Antonio, and he had great advice on Canon cameras and lenses. I’m glad I found him and that Lee was able to talk to him, too.

Knowledge is power. Well, for the moment. Being smart is not popular among the powerful these days.

Birds and Beasts on a Friday

I’m in a funny place in some ways. The scenery isn’t much to write home about, lots of late winter brown, dead downed trees from past storms, and a lake that’s way down from drought so you see a lot of dead tree tops. It’s classic Texas bramble or whatever they call it.

However, the Choke Canyon area is teeming with wildlife. This part of the state is really wild. All the scary creatures in the state roam here. I haven’t seen a mountain lion or coyote, but it seems like I’ve seen the rest, along with a big portion of the birds of south Texas, which are both beautiful and loud.

Example: the collared peccary or javelina.

The peccaries were all over the place. You just don’t get too close to them and all is well. For example, I came up to a group as I rounded a corner on my hike today, and just crossed to the other side of the road. They glared at me as if to underscore that I was on their turf.

Our gang rules this side of the road, see?

I saw evidence (poop) of raccoons and coyotes, who also got to howling earlier this evening. And if I’m good at judging holes, there are armadillos digging up the dirt as well as the javelinas. I haven’t seen any armadillos, but squirrels are around. I have photos of one, but we’re having issues downloading pictures from the fancy camera so I will share later. I will spare you my picture of a very large alligator way across the lake. I will tell you this lake has huge gators!

The most fun I had today was looking at birds. I also had wonderful conversations with campers at the bird blind. It’s conveniently located near our campsite, but not too, near, because the morning blackbirds are almost deafening.

There are many Red-winged Blackbirds enjoying the water feature here.

Also loud were Green Jays. Somehow I managed not to get any good views of them when I was in McAllen in 2023, but I’ve made up for it this time. These are pretty spectacular birds and I got good images on the camera, but they won’t download.

The bird blind had other visitors, too, like Cardinals, Lesser Goldfinches, Yellow-rumped Warblers, and of course a lot of doves. I really enjoyed the small flock of Inca Doves that were at the blind.

We found more birds at the recreation area, which has a fish-cleaning area herons and egrets love. I also heard a new bird, the Olive Sparrow, but only briefly glimpsed it. These guys posed, though.

Later in the day I walked down most of the trails, which didn’t have many birds, other than one Great Kiskadee that shouted at me but mostly hid behind branches. Here’s what they look like.

I did see many deer, who stay out of the javelinas’ ways. A few deer were very thin. Most looked fine, though.

You know what a deer looks like, so just one photo.

It was a good day for birds (50 species in total) and beasts, though rather warm for February. The evening was pleasant, however, and I enjoyed the sunset.

I’ll try to share more thoughts tomorrow. The heat has wiped me out!

Made It to the Wilds of South Texas

I think I’m in south Texas, anyway. It’s far from our house, anyway, and getting here was a slog. There was much construction and extra bumpy roads. Yah, we were roughing it, ha ha.

A picture from before we left: Brown-headed Cowbirds in a tree, gurgling away.

Once we finally found Choke Canyon State Park, I was excited, because it would have interesting birds, and I hoped some interesting animals, too. But first we had to get Seneca the motorhome set up. I guess all the bumps jostled the battery cables, plus there’s a water problem caused by our recent freeze (our prep work wasn’t quite good enough), and… the generator still isn’t working. Verdict: going in for repairs next week.

View from the campsite. The lake is behind that brush.

While poor Lee was trying to finish setting up, I ran around trying to see what the place was like before it got too dark. Merlin found a Great Kiskadee, which I hope to see while I’m here, along with green jays and other southern birds.

I did spot five bunnies, many deer, and three roaming javelinas. The most fun, I think, were all the bats swooping around at dusk. I love watching them!

Other campers reported alligators, so I have things to look forward to at this park, which is next to a very large lake surrounded by…I’m not sure what, but I’ll find out tomorrow. Though it was a hectic day (lots went on at work, too), I can’t complain about getting some nature time in!